konshu

I suspect that most stories that stretch across arcs are not going to be as interesting to players as they are to the author. So I'd be in the camp that suggests cramming what you have into a smaller space.

If people need to play arc 1 before they play arc 2, chances are pretty good arc 2 is going to see very few hits.

It was suggested that you try to make the arcs somewhat independent. This is a good idea. Break it up so you have a complete story in each arc, but with continuing characters or a continuing milieu. That way when players play either of your arcs, if they like it, the experience acts as a teaser to prompt them to play the other one.

And I would say don't worry too much about order of events between the arcs. People read prequels about as often as they read sequels.

I don't know if this actually works, but using using Radiation Infection to drop the def on foes around you might help Choking Cloud hit?

I don't play my toons with Choking Cloud much, but I've had my best success with Choking Cloud when it is fully enhanced for hold.

Seeing as you have Illusion, I suppose it stacks best with Flash.

While I look upon GR with some trepidation as a likely new source of continuity errors, I try to find the bright side.

And I think the bright side is that Castle was testing really, really big Mechmen some time ago, and that may have been a prelude to having a really, really big Greater Devoured.

Maybe Hamidon turned Atlas into a Devoured.

Hey WW ... congrats on the promotion!

Since my primary interest for years has been improving the content, I'd like to know if you have any plans you can share about that.

I'd like to see better missions, better maps, better storytelling, improved handling of transitions (doors, portals), and an easing of the level restrictions that presently exist on foe groups and missions.

Also, while creating new content is fine, I'd particularly like to see new life breathed into old zones and foe groups.

And while I'm sure you have plenty of help, if someday you need to threaten your designers with the idea of some no-name guy on the forum who wants to take their job ... I'm your guy.

Venture asked me to review his arc, "The Christmas We Get." This is my first stab at any sort of arc review, so this may be a bit rocky, but I appreciate Venture giving me permission even though he probably knows I'm going to rake him over the coals.

I played the arc twice, once with friends (I had the star so I could read everything), and a second time, solo, to grab details for the review.

My comments are intended for the author and not for players, so there is no rating given.

Here's my perception.

What worked:

• The player gets xp and tickets.
• The play is reasonably quick and easy right up till the end. (Probably one too many ambushes at the end.)
• It is canon-related without violating canon.

What didn't work:

• The basic premise seems flawed.
• Not sure which plot was intended to be the main plot and which was the subplot.
• The player is given miscues throughout.
• The player is strung along by the contact.
• There are a lot of extraneous details.
• The story wanders back and forth between humor and seriousness, without really establishing a foothold in either area.
• The story doesn't seem big enough for 5 missions.
• Was there supposed to be a theme? 'Cause I didn't see any theme.

What I would have like to have seen:

• One main plot that is bigger in scale, with a smaller subplot.
• Preferably a serious tone, as opposed to humorous. There can be humorous instances, but the player should know for certain whether he is in a humorous or serious arc.
• An author's note explaining any significant external references in the arc.

Fix the Main Premise

As I saw it, the basic premise of the arc is that a villain attempts to gain power by encouraging a celebration of Christmas in the Rogue Isles. This is a hard sell. It sounds ridiculous. I think there are probably different ways of achieving whatever it is that the author is seeking to do.

First of all, if the main action of the arc is simply to recover some Christmas supplies from a warehouse, then it sounds like it could be accomplished in a single, unelaborate mission. The rest of it seems like it is being unnecessarily stretched out.

If, on the other hand, the main action is to explore the character and motivations of Ramiel ... I don't think that worked so well. He looked like a villain from the start, and guess what? He is one, at least so far as I can tell. But it's kind of iffy, because he didn't really do anything.

The way the arc is presented, it portrays the investigation of Ramiel's character as the main plot, with the Christmas supplies as the subplot. But since there is no real action with the investigation of Ramiel's character, just a mini-reveal, I think it is actually the subplot, and the Christmas story should be more dominant.

My recommendation is to shift from Ramiel as the contact to Father Jack. If desired, Ramiel can be a background character and the subject of a subplot.

The author could open the arc with the mission where the player steals the impounded Christmas supplies from the warehouse. Next could be a series of other good deeds, like rescuing innocent citizens from oppression by Arachnos. Surely there are a few good people in jail, or in the process of being arrested that the player could save, and the author could take the opportunity to work in a subplot, maybe featuring the mysterious Ramiel who appears somehow connected with this. Then close the arc with a description of the Christmas supplies being used, and perhaps a stronger emphasis on some sort of closure.


Miscues, Extraneous Details, and Holes

There are a lot of these in the arc, or at least I thought so. I'll list a few to give an idea of what I'm talking about.

Each thing a player reads or experiences, and the order in which these come, acts to set up an expectation of where the story is going. Players are held in suspense between the point where the hint is first dropped to where it is resolved, and they wait in suspense from hint to resolution to see if they guessed correctly.

Miscues can screw this up. A miscue is where something is said or done that gets the player believing something is going to happen that never really happens or which turns out to be unimportant. A few purposeful miscues can be fine; dragging a red herring across the trail can be appreciated if it is done well. But you don't want to make a habit of abusing player expectations.

In this arc there are numerous cues that tell the player to expect Ramiel to do something villainous, but he never really does. There also aren't many cues that he is going to turn out to be good (red herrings).

Frankly, judging from the cues I was picking up on, I expected him to announce at some point that one of the things he'd asked me to do was really for some evil purpose, and that he was lying and taking advantage of me. And he kept asking me if I wanted to stay in the arc, as if something really objectionable was about to happen next.

There are also cues indicating an important operation is underway, but it really isn't very important, so that's a miscue. And then there are all the extraneous cues which never really amount to anything, like the use of a Council base that has been taken over by the 5th Column, Murano's apparent familiarity with Father Jack, and so on.

As a player going through the arc and following the cues, I felt like a dog whose owner keeps taking the leash down from the wall, waving it around, then putting it back on the hook. Then the owner grabs a box of dog biscuits, waves it under my nose, and puts it back. Then the owner goes for the leash again. And at the end of the day I've neither gone on a walk nor had a treat.

To maintain the integrity of the story it's important to be as clear as possible about what's important for the reader to note, and what isn't.

What I perceived as cues, but were miscues, probably made it seem like there were more holes or loose ends than there were, but I'd still say there were some significant question marks raised during the action of the story.

Here are a few, in no particular order:

• Is it Longbow's usual practice to determine a superpowered person's moral alignment by sending a hero do this person's bidding? That really seemed odd.
• Why in the world did Ramiel need to trigger a maximum alert of Arachnos forces just to break into a warehouse and grab Christmas supplies? And might the ploy actually backfire and tighten security?
• And why did Scirocco go to such an unnecessary length for something so frivolous? (Yeah, spiritual blah blah, not buying it, even Ramiel said it was artificial.)
• If Christmas supplies are forbidden by Arachnos, then why weren't they rejected upon arrival? If they were identified upon delivery, the freighter or airplane should have had the cargo refused and been forced to take it away.
• Or if the supplies were smuggled in, how were they discovered?
• If the supplies were smuggled in and discovered, then is it that they are being kept as evidence while an investigation seeks out the intended receiver?
• Why is Father Jack a supporter of Ramiel?
• Why is Father Jack being arrested by Arachnos? Is it because he was the intended receiver of the smuggled goods?
• It is implausible that it takes so long to arrest Father Jack that Ramiel is able to find out about it, wait for the player to return, and send the player to the site of the arrest in time to prevent word of the arrest from reaching Arachnos HQ. What is the excuse? Does it take Arachnos a few hours to do the paperwork in the field? If so, how do they ever manage to get around to oppressing people?
• What was Ramiel doing during the Father Jack rescue? He said he was "distracting Arachnos" but he ends up with Arachnos in his newly won lair?
• And how did Arachnos damage the ability to remotely activate the big distraction, yet still leave the ability to access the Arachnos network?
• How did Ramiel know the Council base was a listening post?

Anyway, those are the basic sorts of issues I saw with the arc.

I'd say clarifying the basic premise is the most important thing to do. With a probable villain as the contact I doubted every single thing he said and dreaded the moment when he'd turn the tables on me.

Second would be being particularly careful with what's said to avoid miscues.


External References

I had the strong feeling during the arc that I might be expected to pick up on certain external references. I found myself thinking perhaps this story was supposed to parallel some other story, like maybe some sort of WW II story about Christmas in Nazi Germany or something.

Ramiel's remark about passing out trinkets and food, for example, reminded me of how Hitler did the same thing in the Depression, during his rise to power.

The note that Father Jack chose to hide his religious affiliation also made it seem like the story was supposed to resemble some other story.

But I couldn't come up with anything.

In the end, after Googling a bit, I came to the following conclusions.

The title, "The Christmas We Get," probably comes from a line from a U2 song I'm not familiar with. The gist of it is that "the Christmas we get is the one we deserve." If there was supposed to be a theme, I'd expect it to relate to this title. But with so much of the action revolving around Ramiel and his apparent inaction, I am at a loss for how to apply this notion of a theme to the story.

"Father Jack" might be named after the opposite type of character with the same name on the BBC show "Father Ted."

Operative Scott is maybe a "The Office" reference? I don't know, I don't watch the show.

Operatives Lucci and Scott and Scirocco probably show up in that other arc with Ramiel in it. Maybe Father Jack as well.

Operative Carrey was probably a reference to "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas."

I realize this is a long review with maybe just a few main points, but really it IS a condensation of my 3.5 pages of notes.

I think the best solution for blasters troubled by redraw is to create a Martial Arts secondary.

Martial Arts fits with AR, Archery, and Dual Pistols themes; basically, anyone who has redraw problems. It has an immob attack, a stun, a build up, an aoe attack ... a lot of the elements you'd expect in a secondary. Just re-arrange the powers a bit, adjust some of the properties to fit the usual mold, and maybe add a power or two if needed.

I predict it would be a popular secondary.

In addition to solo play, people might also consider how it would work out if a team had more than one def on the team. Also what would happen if you had a team of 8 defs.