[u]General Analsis:[u]
Very nice arc. Had a lot of fun with this one, especially fighting the bosses. At +2, they are a real challenge, and I was down to my last bit of health plenty of times before managing to pull out an odds-defying win. Truly excellent gameplay with the customs - don't change a thing.
I also liked the depth of your setting and characters. Really shows you put a lot of thought into this arc. However, at times it's too much (or not enough, depending on your point of view), as several entities are mentioned as if they are important and the player should know about them, then forgotten completely and/or never expanded upon. If you decide to keep these references, they need exposition detail somewhere. For example,
I may know who Bayani is, but my character didn't have a clue, so the question 'who is Bayani?' is never answered and leaves my alien cyborg scratching is head.
But while I noticed this great attention to detail in some areas, I found the exact opposite in others: a great lack of attention to detail. The first occurrence of this are the crates in the first mission. The interact bar text is there, telling me I'm rummaging, but once I'm done, I'm never told what I found. Yes, I get a clue, but from where? Was that clue really in the crate? Moreover, what was in the 2 crates I did not get a clue from? True, common sense says 'the weapons, duh', and it's technically a minor detail in the grand scheme of things, but it does give the impression that you didn't bother to carry your attention to detail all the way through. The same applies to the weapon schematics.
I noticed the same with a good number of mission objectives that just popped out of nowhere without any indication. Kapitan Remalante? Fortunata Chapman? Who are these people and why are they suddenly here? Most important, how does the player character
know a new foe has arrived? Was there a suspicious sound down a hallway? Did a hostage blab? Did the newly appeared foe yell, 'here I am, come get a piece'? By the way, these are all very valid options that can be used to introduce them.
Another issue of this type is that your 'defeat boss' objectives often don't complete when the boss goes down. Instead, the guards need to be defeated as well. The navigation text should reflect this. In some spots, you can remedy this by simply adding 'and guards' or the like, while in others you should change the objective so it only requires the boss to go down to be completed.
Now then, keep in mind that up to now, none of the above is truly egregious. You do have 2 major plot holes, though: how Guro Dahon manages to come back after her first defeat and why the final Guro does not appear until the is defeated again should be explained. Dark Regeneration only accounts for so much
Finally, just because I couldn't really find a spot to cover this pair of minor plot holes independently, I'll tack them on here: the initial mission objectives in the first mission need some explanation as well, as the only one the contact covers is defeating the rogue Guro, and the final Guro fighting alongside the followers of the rogue Guros is also somewhat questionable. Still, it was en excellent arc, fun to play, enjoyable to read, and - though at times a little logically disconnected - an adventure that felt very dynamic. The only
addition I have to suggest is that you add some patrols with dialogue to missions 1 and 3 like you did in 2. They just make the place feel much more alive. Other than that, very nice job.
[u]Mission Details:[u]
Mission 1:
- minor plot hole: in the intro, the contact mentions Renato Angeles as if the player is already familiar with this person; however, this is the first mention of this person
- in the navigation text, I see 'open crates', which would read much smoother as 'crates to open'
- minor plot hole: there is next to no connection between the mission objectives in the nav. text and the briefing. The only objective the contact has given the player any information about is defeating Guro Kulog
- the crates have no begin or complete interaction text
- minor plot hole: Weapon Parts mentions Clan Asero as if the player is familiar; however, this is the first mention of this group
- defeating Kulog does not complete the 'defeat Guro Kulog' objective. You should add 'and guards' or something to the nav. text there or change the objective to complete upon boss defeat
- Weapon Schematics has no begin or complete interaction text
- minor plot hole: Kapitan Remalante's arrival is not logically linked to the mission objectives; i.e. there should be something that informs the player that he is here and should be stopped from sounding the alarm
- Kapitan Remalante's dialogue is missing a d at the end of 'supposed'
- defeating Kapitan Remalante does not complete the corresponding objective; nav. text should reflect this. Also, 'before he sounds the alarm' did not seem to have any bearing on the fight, and thus feels superfluous
- Secret Door has both present and past tense in the clue text, both of which apply to the player's actions. Should be changed to speak only in present or past tense, not a mixture of the two
Mission 2:
- minor plot hole: in the intro, the contact mentions Niyebe and Magasasaka as if the player is already familiar with these people; however, this is the first mention of them
- defeating Guro Dahon does not complete the corresponding objective; nav. text should reflect this
- minor plot hole: Fortunata Chapman's arrival is not logically linked to the mission objectives; i.e. there should be something that informs the player that she is here and is preventing the player's escape
- Defeat Fortunata Chapman and Escape reads a little awkwardly; would be smoother if the and was a to
- minor plot hole: Guro Niyebe's bio mentions Bayani as if the player is already familiar with this person; however, this is the first mention of this person
Mission 3:
- major plot hole: why do I need to defeat Guro Dahon a second time?
- defeating Dahon does not complete the corresponding objective. You should add 'and guards' or something to the nav. text there or change the objective to complete upon boss defeat
- Dahon fights with blades, but her bio still says she favors her guns
- major plot hole: why is the final Guro's apperance dependent on Dahon's defeat?
- minor plot hole: why does the final Guro fight
with the students that follow the traitor Guro instead of
against them?
