_Cai_

Originally Posted by GreatRock

Seriously. I might as well pour out my heart.

Stop reading when you hit the point where this makes no sense at all. I know, I know: I need professional help. Badly. However, I am reasonably sure this will make a lot of sense to a lot of us. If you can identify with any of these feelings, or with any of this, let me know. I need someone to talk to, and you guys are my last hope. I have delayed this thread long enough.

I was born into a middle class family. Nothing special. My parents were standard, my brother was an *** (standard), and we had a nice house in the suburbs somewhere.

I played my first video game, Jak II, at the age of 7.

That game changed me.

The first thing I noticed was Kor - the old guy in the background. He was evil. I could tell. I didn't tell anyone, though. My dad was actually the one playing the game, but I watched every chance I could, just to see Kor lie and deceive his way through the game.

He dropped his disguise near the end of the game. Turns out he was really the Metal-Head leader - a huge insectoid beast that made some rather inventive threats and killed a whole bunch of people. I was enthralled. I was in love.

Not with the character. With the power.

This is when I first started drawing. I drew Kor a lot, mostly people though. Mostly men. Years passed, and my taste in games evolved... but I never forgot the look of elation on his face as he gleefully murdered bystanders.

At this point, I am about 10 years old. I find my next villain of sorts... The G-man.

Another man, this one middle aged. Invincible, immortal, can jump though and manipulate time and space.

Again, I was in love. With the power.

I wanted to be powerful.

At the age of 12, I found The Joker.

This was The Dark Knight's Joker, by the way. TDK's Joker was more of an oddly dressed serial killer than the Clown Prince of Crime, but it didn't matter to me. This was, again, someone I actually empathized with. I could see his motives, and I could understand why he did things. Here was a man who was completely without emotion, so devoid of feeling he could actually take pleasure from the pain of others.

I wanted to be like him.

And so my life evolved from the ignorance of a small child to the remarkably mature and very devious power hungry sociopath that is me today. I never really cared much for human interaction, and my attraction and understanding of both classic and little known villains drove home the point. Normal people bore me, and other intellectuals (I use the term generally. I am not assuming much with my intelligence here) strike me as facades hiding their emotions behind them. I hated people. I considered them as means to an end - and my preferred end would be power.

Ganondorf is another example. Ruthless, powerful, cunning.

More recently? Master Xehanort. Also powerful, even darker than the others.

Dexter. He is a serial killer, and I take his side in his arguments.

Hell, I took the side of the machines in The Matrix.

My life has been very confusing for me. I feel like I am insane - I mean, I must be. However, I don't think normal insane people are so aware of their own position. I'm not sure what I am, to be honest.

Again, here is the person that would get pleasure from tutorial-camping with a twink in WAR. I still feel the rush today... the small burst of adrenaline from a kill in any online game. The joy of knowing someone else is being discouraged.

Bringing this full circle, this is why I play CoX.

I want power.

All I want is to feel powerful, because all I feel is trapped. I'm trapped in this stupid reality full of people I hate - and there is nothing I can do about it. My life will be typical, I assume, and I am predicting years of the same. I don't know if these feelings are normal, but I assume the consistent lust for murder isn't.

City gave me power.

City gave me a release.

I could be strong here, stronger than any other character of my creation. I got my first 50 about three years ago, back when I was about 13, and have since then gotten over 20 more... but my favorite will always be Omi.

Oh, Lord Omi. If only he knew.

He is the amalgam of every single thing I wish to be. (Besides, you know, male.) A Warshade that I have spent over 2,100 hours on alone. A strong, dark, powerful figure of mystery yet vague intentions. An immortal legend, a demon from hell, a god from heaven, or even a man with my same mad designs of power. I made him to serve my purpose of a functional release of my otherwise dark and rather scary thoughts, and since then I have enjoyed life more... all because I could go home nightly and rampage through the streets, murdering everyone in my way. Here in City I felt truly powerful, and I felt at home.

I doubt I'm the first person to fantasize about mass murder rather than the usual things.

In fact, I'm willing to bet that we all have the same fantasy.

You're in the city. Doesn't matter which. And you have powers. You have the same powers your main does, plus a bit. You look just like you want to be - which, I'm also guessing, is like your main. And so you're in the city, surrounded by people, and you have powers.

And you systematically and repeatedly destroy it all. Different ways every time. This fantasy has played out countless times, and usually to music. In fact, that's why you like a few of your songs: the beat syncs with your animations.

And so you destroy and you rampage and the finale of it all ends with one final cataclysmic attack that fades out with the last few beats of the music, and you know deep down that your only wish would be to have those powers.

I feel like those of you who love this game love it for the same reason.

Not because they are probably going to be a serial killer... but because they need an escape. I am escaping from my own insanity.

What are you escaping from?

Originally Posted by Slaunyeh

Keep it up! I'm really bad at spoiling stuff like that with online guides but, against all odds, have managed to stay 'pure' for all the TSW investigation missions so far. If you're still in Kingsmouth, you don't know the meaning of the word 'tough'. There's one in the Scorched Desert that I'm still mulling about.

Cripes.

(It's great!)

Originally Posted by PPCGunner

I'm loving this
You one of his friends ?

Originally Posted by PPCGunner

Do you apply that to yourself or does your **** taste good ?

Originally Posted by UberGuy

Ironically, what you are doing here is exactly the kind of response behavior that gets people into fights with Another_Fan. You moved the goal posts completely here. You accused me of "making **** up", and when I pointed you at what I said and showed that was a load of hooey, you deflect and make a different claim all together.

Look, anyone who knows me knows I'll gladly argue this ancient history with you till the sun goes out. I mean it, I'm happy to keep going, because I think you're living in a wrong tree in the valley of wrong, and someone is wrong on the internet. If you really want to keep responding to it here, I'll keep responding back. But I know that it's completely off the original topic of this thread, continuing to derail the living hell out of it, and believe it or not, I'd rather do it somewhere else.

I'm not completely sure why you've decided to make me a target of your flailing, but I can guess. I think you don't like the way I responded to you earlier, calling into question the whole "failure" thing, and a couple of times now digging you for your claims of "blowing our mind".

Do I need to point out that leading in with that how your insights will "blow our minds") is exceptionally condescending? That suggesting that you know stuff that everyone else is apparently too stupid or emotional to have figured out? And you have the temerity to get on a soap box about how you've avoided the forums because of nasty posters? You need to invest in a mirror, dude.

Originally Posted by UberGuy

Personally, I don't accept that the "temp" inherent powers make "true" travel powers obsolete. Both Super Jump and Super Speed are significantly faster (and SJ jumps significantly higher) than Ninja or Beast Run.

Originally Posted by Xanatos

"Here Until The Servers Shut-Down" ...still true for you?

Originally Posted by Golden Girl

I think that Issue 22 might get a mention sometime during this

Originally Posted by Chaos Creator

This is a short story about how you, yes you, maybe even you can make a difference. Also an apology to TA for having his first Lambda be less than ideal.

So a call goes out in JU, Lambda followed by BAF forming. I've reached a new level of boredom so I decide what the hell I'll join. I stop killing myself long enough to log out and log in to my most survivable character, my SS/FA/Mu brute, Chaotic Flames. I head to Pocket D and join up. We've got about 10 people so far.

The League Leader, name withheld because I feel like it, says he's never lead a trial before and asks if anyone else is willing to lead. Another person pipes up and says they've lead a few and I comment about how I use to lead them all the time when trials were new. League Leader sends me a tell asks if I'll do it. I accept as long as he does the recruiting.

Our 15th and 16th players joining have never run a Lambda before, (hi TA, Dr. Havok!) SO I try to quickly explain the process. "Kill some robots enter a door, kill some more robots, kill some guns". LL passes me the star and we Queue up.

Lambda starts and all is going fine we clear the outside, enter the doors and I attempt one of my usual strategies. 'Team 1 go right team 2 go left" only 3 members of team 2 go left everyone else follows me. *sigh* We clear the courtyard and climb/jump/fly up to the guns. I and two others start heading counter clockwise while the rest goes clockwise. My group of 3 struggles to take down 1 gun starts on a second and I give up and go run off to where the other group is. We finish the guns without incident.

Here's where things start to fall apart. We enter the facility and start beating up the robot, "Beat up a robot then WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS TA HAS NEVER DONE LAMBDA BEFORE" I command. we beat the robot and I notice TA and friend haven't made it inside yet I go back out and someone enters a door. Dammit. I guide the two newbies into the facility and people are starting to get antsy since I haven't assigned doors. I quickly say "team 1 acid team 2 nades, gogogogo" followed by trying to quickly explain what we're doing to our new guys.
Time is ticking.
My team enters runs to the center containment unit blows it up. I say in team chat "Someone else lead I don't know what route you guys like to take" No one steps up. Time keeps ticking. I decide screw this and run back out of the center and start my preferred route around the facility from right to left. Get to the first unit. We're falling apart people are dying people aren't together. I start attacking it get it to a sliver and die again, I've already used my rez so I hospital. I run back in with TA following me and quickly apologize that I can't really go leisurely anymore. We're down to like 2 minutes with 5 nades and 2 acids. This isn't looking good.

I pop a few purples take down our 3rd unit. More time phew. run to the next one more time.. We hover between 1 and 3 minutes left for the rest of the phase quickly taking out all remaining units with me leading the charge. Around our 5th one of my team mates sends me a tell "This is going horribly" I reply "No worries, we're fine" and proceed to show that we are indeed fine as I blow up the 6th unit.

So that's how Chaos saved a Lambda Trial. out of time so I can't tell about how we nearly had mob overload becuase of not enough acids being used and still manged to pull together to get Marauder down with like 4 minutes left.

So Props to the league and sorry it didn't go better!
-CC