Venture's Reviews II: The Nightmare Continues
By
Aisynia,
Posted on: 2009-05-16 24:40 in Mission Architect
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Great discussion. Both sides have made some excellent points about whether "Kid $name" or "$name" make more sense for a player's $sidekickname. I'm definitely reading it all, and appreciate the input.
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I guess if you're not willing to budge on such a minor detail, (there really aren't 2 sides here), there's no chance in hell of convincing you that your Nazi arc has a morally offensive theme. You take too much glee in your creative output to consider the moral implications.
But, nevertheless, I suggest you rename that arc "Nazi's Win Forever!" Or subtitle it "A Shaved Head's Damp Dream," (title toned down, but hopefully you get it).
Then if people continue to play it, or tell you they enjoy it, I'll consider moving to Canada.
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Great discussion. Both sides have made some excellent points about whether "Kid $name" or "$name" make more sense for a player's $sidekickname. I'm definitely reading it all, and appreciate the input.
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I guess if you're not wiling to budge on such a minor detail, (there really aren't 2 sides here), there's no chance in hell of convincing you that your Nazi arc has a morally offensive theme. You take too much glee in your creative output to consider the moral implications.
But, nevertheless, I suggest you rename that arc "Nazi's Win Forever!" Or subtitle it "A Shaved Head's Damp Dream," (title toned down, but hopefully you get it).
Then if people continue to play it, or tell you they enjoy it, I'll consider moving to Canada.
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I would enjoy such an arc, and I'm not a Nazi. Also I live in Canada. So....
Ok, so Canada's out. 
Hmm... maybe Australia...
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I guess if you're not wiling to budge on such a minor detail, (there really aren't 2 sides here), there's no chance in hell of convincing you that your Nazi arc has a morally offensive theme. You take too much glee in your creative output to consider the moral implications.
But, nevertheless, I suggest you rename that arc "Nazi's Win Forever!" Or subtitle it "A Shaved Head's Damp Dream," (title toned down, but hopefully you get it).
Then if people continue to play it, or tell you they enjoy it, I'll consider moving to Canada.
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Apologies for derailing the main subject of this thread, but it seems like Marsquake deserves a response.
Marsquake -
Believe me, I have read your feedback asking that the last act of Axis and Allies be modified, so as to give some hope that the heroes might overthrow the player's final tyranny.
I've given some thought to how this might be accomplished. Most center around either Statesman (who is unaccounted for in my timeline, due to temporarily being in the final mission, then getting removed due to being too hard) or Nemesis (who, according to official canon, has his own "Invade America" plot scheduled to go off immediately after WW2 ends).
I've considered adding clues that hint that Statesman gets snatched up by Nemesis to help with the "Emperor of the Americas" plot, or by Mender Silos via Ouroboros. This would help explain what happened to Statesman, and would also have a certain elegance in that it would give Axis and Allies the trifecta of "things Venture hates": time travel, a difficult to solo AV, and a Nemesis plot. (May as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb!)
But so far, I've felt that I can't really add this plot element, because it would blunt the impact of the story ending, and, worse, it would cheat the player of victory. I don't think it would be fair to tell the player, "Sure, you won all the missions, but after the story, the heroes overthrow you, so all your efforts mean nothing."
It's my opinion that in a story arc, if all missions are successfully completed, The Player Should Always Win. I feel cheated on story arcs where I do everything right, and yet the plot FORCES me to lose in the end. The most typical examples are heroic arcs where the bad guy outwits you and gets away in the end, purely because it's scripted that way. I'd like to avoid that.
In this particular situation, the Villain is the Protagonist, and so, The Bad Guy Wins.
I hope that helps explain why I feel that the story should end the way it currently does.
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
Different tastes, different verdics. Personally, I feel that there's no reason the bad guy shouldn't be able to win here. It works with the premise of the story and provides a defined ending to the plot. Whether it's a conclusive one or not will always be up for interpretation by the player playing the arc.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
The Sympathetic POV can be justified by setting the Villain Protagonist against something even worse.
(quoted from Villain Protagonist page)
Partly I think we can blame how choices in these games are presented to the player. You all know the standard joke here, but I'm rolling with it anyway. To wit: Essentially, you are given a situation to which you may respond with an array of dialog choices. These invariably range from A) Inhumanly saint-like, to B) Casual indifference, to C) I will murder everything you ever loved via [censored].
Brian Clevinger (8-Bit Theater), on the subject of morality in games.
(quoted from Karma Meter page)
Yes this is fantasy, but you have enough real world historical detail incorporated in your arc that it should make you quesy completing Hitler's vision as a player. At least uneasy or somewhat disturbed. This is not simply a case of the player being cheated out of a win.
I primarily play villains and enjoy it. In your arc my villain gets co-pted into commiting an ultimate evil w/ no remedy whatsoever. The arc is morally compromised. There is no karmic choice whatsoever. Your reference to seeing it play as a sort of Triumph of the Will (in another thread) should speak volumes to you.
At this point all I can do is shine a flashlight in the dark.
So far its impenetrable.
Marsquake, I do want to try to address your concern.... but I don't want to take away the player's moment of victory, either.
I am updating Maiden Justice's "unaware" message to:
[NPC] Maiden Justice: Why, Marcus? Why would you leave me to fight this battle alone? What could have possibly been more important?
This, coupled with:
[NPC] President Truman: Noooo! Statesman, where are you?
....will reinforce that Statesman is mysteriously missing in action. I plan to leave what happens to him a mystery, that will be up to the player's imagination to fill in.
So you can imagine that Statesman has fled to the Rogue Isles to form a Resistance movement.
Or you can imagine that a hero player evac'd Statesman to a safer timeline via Ouroboros, and together they're coming back to kick Nazi butt.
Or you can imagine that Statesman made a deal with Lord Nemesis and they're working together to overthrow the 5th Column.
Or you can imagine that Statesman is a jerk who would ditch his wife and his country to save his sorry butt.
It's a little ungraceful to leave such a dangling plotline unresolved at the finish of the arc, but I'm going to give it a try in order to satisfy your concern. (If I get a lot of feedback to the effect of, "Where's Statesman?" I may need to do more revision ... you might be surprised how many "Where's Statesboy?" feedbacks I get on Teen Phalanx.)
[Sorry again for derailing the thread.]
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
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It's a little ungraceful to leave such a dangling plotline unresolved at the finish of the arc, but I'm going to give it a try in order to satisfy your concern.
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I don't think all ends need to be tied in serial fiction, like comic books. I think it is acceptable and even preferred if the story leaves hooks all over the place for the author (or other writers) to continue the story in some fashion.
I look forward to hearing feedback on my arc's if anyone else would like to try them out please do, and let me know what you think.
Thanks
MA ARCS:
176180 "Meet The Icerya"
31822 "how it all began"
Arc #161066, "New Flame Rising"
tl;dr: 1 star. Offenses: Killer GMing, "just a bunch of stuff that happened"
Reviewed on: 6/2/2009
Level Range: 1-54
Character used: Justice/Agent Cerulean
Yes, I ran a Heroic arc with a VEAT. Come and get me.
Detective Charlie Rounds asks you to follow up on a lead for him...seems some Hellions busted in Steel Canyon were carrying a note telling them to attend a meeting in Founders' Falls, which is more than a bit out of their league. Your lead takes you to a warehouse filled with "Inferno Force" mobs, using a variety of Fire and Thermal powers, along with a Devices model. Some patrolling guys wonder where the new recruits are, and you find some crates of Inferno Force uniforms. There's also a hostage to rescue (non-escort), a Sheila Keller from Paragon City Action News. The Inferno Force mobs are fairly tough thanks to a few of them packing heals; the Devices models also have Taser for you squishies. The exit popup describes you as fleeing from Keller ASAP, which is a bit of powerposing but I expect would be the case more often than not. Rounds tells you in the debriefing that Keller got a photo of you and ran it in her story.
Which leads to her getting kidnapped in Act II, by someone calling himself "Dr. Inferno". Even though it looks like a trap you have to go in. This is another warehouse crawl, and once again Keller is not an escort. She does trigger a new mob, though, "Fire Fiend", a Super Strength/Fiery Aura EB that had the indecency to spawn at +1. This mob took five defeats to clear. You get some clues about a plan to fire bomb City Hall.
Stopping the bombing in Act III is a 45 minute timed mission. There was another +1 EB, "Volcanix", Stone Melee/Fiery Aura from the looks of it, which flattened me quickly. I slipped past it and took the bombs out, ending the mission. Keller runs live reports as you deal with the bombing, resulting in a threat from Dr. Inferno. He sends a note telling you to meet his team at a designated time and place; beat them and he'll face you himself.
For the last act you have to face Fire Fiend, Arsonette, Tombfire, Solar Wave, and Dr. Inferno, all EBs with various powers. There isn't much to write about here. I took a few defeats, loaded up on inspirations, beat them down. The end. If you insist on inflicting this arc on yourself, Solar Wave and Inferno are Controllers so bring lots of BFs if you don't have status protection. The arc has no story to speak of, never mind a theme, and is less than a bunch of newspaper missions strung together and stuffed with mobs intended to kill you.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
So... I'm honestly curious here... taking on a rising villain group with a specific plot to take down City Hall counts as JABOSTH? It seems like a pretty common genre plotline. If the villain group had a distinct motive and/or theme behind them (other than wielding fire) would that fix that problem?
Also, was the arc labeled as being intended for a specific level range of player?
Basically what I'm wondering is if the arc's key weakness is a lowbie-sounding plot with mobs designed to challenge high-level players. If the difficulty were rebalanced it seems like it might be a reasonable arc.
And for a while things were cold,
They were scared down in their holes
The forest that once was green
Was colored black by those killing machines
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So... I'm honestly curious here... taking on a rising villain group with a specific plot to take down City Hall counts as JABOSTH? It seems like a pretty common genre plotline. If the villain group had a distinct motive and/or theme behind them (other than wielding fire) would that fix that problem?
Also, was the arc labeled as being intended for a specific level range of player?
Basically what I'm wondering is if the arc's key weakness is a lowbie-sounding plot with mobs designed to challenge high-level players. If the difficulty were rebalanced it seems like it might be a reasonable arc.
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Thank you Venture for your review, and thanks to KeepDistance for the above question.
The idea of the arc is that a new Villain team is attempting to establish itself (hence the bombing of City Hall). You find out about this by chance when lowbie heroes fight some Hellions off screen (before the arc, and you never fight in that low range) and find the note about the Founder's meeting. Knowing they can't handle that area of the city, the lowbies pass the info onto your contact, who calls you (the arc description absolutely does say that it's designed for heroes Level 30+, and for "SG's, teams, and strong solo'ers"). In the first couple of missions you find out that the new group, calling itself Inferno Force (all fire theme) has been recruiting Hellions to grow their ranks. the VG does have "signature" members though, and these are the guys you fight in the last mission.
The idea of the arc is essentially to have a Justice League/Legion of Doom type confrontation at the end... team against team... but It also is solo'able, though pretty tough. The signature members are not supposed to be pushovers, and will give many characters trouble. None of them are set on Extreme, though. They're a mix of Standard and Hard.
It was never my intent to Killer GM, but I can definitely see how the arc is tough to solo. Thanks again Venture for your review. Much appreciated. I'll reevaluate the strength of the baddies, and try to get more text into the arc to flesh out the story.
So... I'm honestly curious here... taking on a rising villain group with a specific plot to take down City Hall counts as JABOSTH?
Yes.
It seems like a pretty common genre plotline.
Most genre plotlines suck.
If the villain group had a distinct motive and/or theme behind them (other than wielding fire) would that fix that problem?
Theme means literary theme, not matching costumes. The story has to have a point other than beating people up. I'm not expecting Dostoyevsky but we can do better than a mindless direct-to-DVD action flick.
Also, was the arc labeled as being intended for a specific level range of player?
Yes, and I was within that range with the chosen character. It has a teams-only advisory on it but that cuts no ice with me. Architect projects are available to groups of size 1 to 8, so that's the design specification. If you're asked to design a row of apartment houses and submit a design for an abattoir instead you've failed, regardless of how cool the abattoir might be.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
BTW, I'm not objecting to your review per se, I'm just trying to understand it.
Comparing this arc to something like Escalation (which has been getting great reviews all around, but which also seems to use the Stop The Bad Guy From Doing Bad Stuff plot) - what do you see as the critical difference? Is it the personal relationship between Escalation and the player?
JABOSTH is the trope I have the most trouble understanding in practice as it applies within the MA. It seems like many, many of the canon arcs suffer from this problem, and while I have something of a spidey sense about it, I don't know that I can quantify what it really means.
And for a while things were cold,
They were scared down in their holes
The forest that once was green
Was colored black by those killing machines
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JABOSTH is the trope I have the most trouble understanding in practice as it applies within the MA. It seems like many, many of the canon arcs suffer from this problem, and while I have something of a spidey sense about it, I don't know that I can quantify what it really means.
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I'm not sure I understand JABOSTH either. I wondered if my own arcs were guilty of this, but the one I had reviewed was not, so I'm suspecting I'm safe.
Now Venture may have a different take on this, but I think you can avoid having JABOSTH happen if your NPCs have complex motivations and feelings. This goes beyond a simple "RAH! Gimme money!" 
Having said that, you don't have to go as emo as some player toon bios. Just add a bit more complexity, a setback in the story somewhere, and some emotional reaction on the part of the NPCs to the changing circumstances in the arc. After all, an "arc" goes up and down, not in a straight or flat line. An arc can also have several subplots or "sub-arcs," allowing one NPC's fortunes to rise while another's falls.
For example, if a NPC begins the arc with confidence, then maybe something could happen during the arc that causes them to express doubt. By the end of the arc you could tie this up with a validation either of the doubt or the confidence. At the same time, another NPC could be facing the results of their own, separate dilemma.
When people receive a story, one of the things they focus on is a situation where a person makes a choice. They want to know whether the choice was right or not, and it can be a source of suspense as they wait for the confirmation or resolution. In normal fiction, the choice-maker is usually the protagonist or central character, but in writing for missions, you can't really have the player be the choice-maker. It has to be one or more of the NPCs that are making the decisions that comprise the story.
So there needs to be more going on than just a series of staged encounters with fist-smacking stiffs. The NPCs need to have multidimensional motives, expressed passions, and decisions they commit to - with some sort of result coming as a consequence of the decisions: good or ill.
There might be more to JABOSTH than this, but I think if you follow this suggestion you'll steer clear of JABOSTH.
Just look at it another way and it becomes:
"A bunch of stuff happens!"
That's fine by me.
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JABOSTH is the trope I have the most trouble understanding in practice as it applies within the MA. It seems like many, many of the canon arcs suffer from this problem, and while I have something of a spidey sense about it, I don't know that I can quantify what it really means.
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I'm not sure I understand JABOSTH either. I wondered if my own arcs were guilty of this, but the one I had reviewed was not, so I'm suspecting I'm safe.
Now Venture may have a different take on this, but I think you can avoid having JABOSTH happen if your NPCs have complex motivations and feelings. This goes beyond a simple "RAH! Gimme money!"
Having said that, you don't have to go as emo as some player toon bios. Just add a bit more complexity, a setback in the story somewhere, and some emotional reaction on the part of the NPCs to the changing circumstances in the arc. After all, an "arc" goes up and down, not in a straight or flat line. An arc can also have several subplots or "sub-arcs," allowing one NPC's fortunes to rise while another's falls.
For example, if a NPC begins the arc with confidence, then maybe something could happen during the arc that causes them to express doubt. By the end of the arc you could tie this up with a validation either of the doubt or the confidence. At the same time, another NPC could be facing the results of their own, separate dilemma.
When people receive a story, one of the things they focus on is a situation where a person makes a choice. They want to know whether the choice was right or not, and it can be a source of suspense as they wait for the confirmation or resolution. In normal fiction, the choice-maker is usually the protagonist or central character, but in writing for missions, you can't really have the player be the choice-maker. It has to be one or more of the NPCs that are making the decisions that comprise the story.
So there needs to be more going on than just a series of staged encounters with fist-smacking stiffs. The NPCs need to have multidimensional motives, expressed passions, and decisions they commit to - with some sort of result coming as a consequence of the decisions: good or ill.
There might be more to JABOSTH than this, but I think if you follow this suggestion you'll steer clear of JABOSTH.
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I agree about having some multi-dimensionality to the contact, but I'd like to add a bit more.
IMO an arc that is a string of "ok, now you need to go here" missions with nothing to engage the player is the purest definition of JABOSTH. I've played a ton of "I need you to fetch me these items so I can perform this ritual" arcs, and these fall very squarely into this category.
To avoid this, I think you need to have something that moves the player from 1 mission to the next. It could be a consequence of the previous mission, some info that the contact has discovered while you were in a mission, a challenge that has come in from your opponent (which could be a challenge, trap, diversion, or other), etc.
That being said, the overall story must be served while doing all of this or it feels like JABOSTH. While I do have motivations in my New Flame Rising arc that move you from 1 mission to the next, the overall story is not compelling or deep. A new VG is trying to establish itself, and you've fallen into circumstances that allow you to potentially stop them. It's not new, complex, or especially engaging. I think that's why Venture didn't like my arc. He's a tough critic on story, which is good. Since his review I've added/tweaked my story's text to flesh out the main bad guy's story some. It's still a very straight forward story, but should make more sense and not seem so shallow or JABOSTH.
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...and stuffed with mobs intended to kill you...
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Taking this criticism to heart, I've dropped all EB's to Standard/Standard, except Dr Inferno who is now Hard/Standard (Fire Control/Fire Melee). This will help a lot for solo'ing, especially against Fire Fiend who was easily the toughest one to take on I feel (SS/FA). Also, I've changed the healing Lut to a minion, and set the remaining Lut to Standard/Standard, which removes his Drone and Smoke Grenade, but he keeps his Taser. To finish, I changed the mission description to suggest L35 and up characters.
Thanks again for the review Venture. It sounds weird, but even though you didn't like it, it helped me make adjustments that will hopefully have other folks liking it more. Since your review I see that several other people have tried it 
I think the difference between JABOSTH and a decent story, using the same general theme, is the way the author will use those same old plots to weave their story. Let's say two authors take that old familiar plot. One adds interesting back story, characters and circumstances to make it new and interesting, while the another just follows along with the same old boring clichés, rinsed & repeated. The first author might just turn out to be another Shakespeare, while the second turns out to be a dime-a-dozen romance novelist that couldn't write an original line if his life depended on it. Basically, it all boils down to the fact that some people have a knack for great storytelling and some don't.
Then again, a lot of people's preferences in stories depend on what the reader likes. Some people like predictable plots. Maybe it just makes them feel good if they can figure everything out before it happens. Other people like to be surprised and have to think a little harder to figure it all out. That's why great epic novels might sell fewer books, while there are still a lot of other people out there that are willing to by dime-a-dozen romance novels. As long as there's a market for both of them, there will be authors willing to fill that role.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
Arc #162898, "To Be Incarnate"
tl;dr: 2 stars. Offenses: throws the Idiot Ball, "just a bunch of stuff that happened", Shaggy Dog
Reviewed on: 6/3/2009
Level Range: 1-54/1-54/1-54/40-54
Character used: Agent Cerulean/Justice
"The Trader", an information broker, claims to have an opportunity for you to become an Incarnate, the same kind of superbeing as Statesman and Lord Recluse. He's willing to give you this opportunity in exchange for a few favors later. What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Your first step is to knock over an Arachnos base and search its computers for a file on "Scatter-Fist". The entry pop-up does have you wondering why the Trader isn't trying for Incarnate status himself. The map is a short prison map -- one of the patrolling mobs wonders why they're maintaining a prison with no convicts -- and the file is easily obtained. Too easily, as the clue points out. On your return the Trader decrypts the file, notes that it's rather old, and says it contains the locations of vials of water from the Well of the Furies or the Fountain of Zeus.
Act II opens with the Trader trying to assuage your suspicions. He claims that as a trader of information he needs confirmation or he simply doesn't have a product to trade. He's looking for you to do the research. For the next step, he wants you to take the file to someone called "Tinker Tech", a misanthropic genius who surrounds himself with robots. The entry pop-up is cute... Tech's custom faction has a variety of electrical and energy attacks (I'm glad my SoA has a -KB IO) and he himself is a Robotics/Pain Domination Boss. He complains throughout the fight that could just ask (of course, you can't). He tells you that the file was created recently but using an outdated code, which means it's probably a trap. I needed to ask a mad scientist to look at a time/date stamp? OK.... The Trader pooh-poohs this theory on the grounds that Tinker Tech is paranoid, though he does say they have to be mindful of the possibility.
He's examined the file in more detail on its own and found embedded in it the ID code of the Arachnos employee who put the file on the computer, a low-ranking peon. He thinks this means it was a screw-up. I think that's exactly how I would have planted the file if it was supposed to be bait. In any case, the next step is to return to the prison facility to search it codes necessary to open a safe in Ghost Widow's tower. I don't like the direction this is going.... The codes turn out to be even easier to steal. Not a good sign. Unfortunately due to rubberbanding I did not actually get to read the debriefing.
Finally, it's time for the attack on Ghost Widow's tower. (Think it'll work?) The Trader says Ghost Widow herself is off to Grandville on business. There's still an AV warning on the mission...and a 90 minute time limit. Oh, and because it would be too simple for you to just fight the usual security he's sent Longbow an anonymous tip about Ghost Widow hiding some doomsday device for Recluse. Why is my Contact trying to get me killed? There's also supposed to be a clueless ally on the scene. That would be you. When you get to the top of the tower, Ghost Widow has a few Longbow agents cornered, whom she lets you finish off, then informs you that the Trader broke in during the chaos and stole the vial for himself, turning himself into the Scion of Apollo, a Fire Blast/Fiery Aura AV/EB. After he snuffs it Ghost Widow scolds you for catching the Idiot Ball. And why not. The last debriefing is given by a holographic record, a typical I'll Get You Next Time Gadget speech.
While the dialog is decent, the arc tells you time and time again you're walking into a trap and then, surprise, it's a trap. The result is an extremely telegraphed Idiot Ball throw, coupled with a lack of theme and a Shaggy Dog ending. I gave it an extra star for the dialog.
Edit: typo
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Comparing this arc to something like Escalation (which has been getting great reviews all around, but which also seems to use the Stop The Bad Guy From Doing Bad Stuff plot) - what do you see as the critical difference? Is it the personal relationship between Escalation and the player?
"Escalation" has a primary theme about obsession and revenge. It has a secondary theme about bravery and the willingness to face a hopeless fight. The player goes out to fight Escalation over and over knowing, or at least as of Act V believing, he has no way to stop her for good, that she's only going to come back stronger if he wins.
JABOSTH is the trope I have the most trouble understanding in practice as it applies within the MA. It seems like many, many of the canon arcs suffer from this problem, and while I have something of a spidey sense about it, I don't know that I can quantify what it really means.
While I haven't sat down and tabulated them all, I'd say the majority, maybe even the vast majority, of the canon stories are "just a bunch of stuff that happened".
Gotterdammerung had a good quote on the subject in the old thread:
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You're right in saying that avoiding JABOSTH is a very tricky thing to do, especially in a system where no assumptions can be made about the protagonist. However, I think Venture's right in placing such a big emphasis on this, because I believe it's critical to writing a good arc. The easiest way to do this is to look at your story and ask youself: "what question is this story asking?" If you're asking a question, you've got yourself a theme. If you answer the question, you've got yourself a moral. If you're really not asking anything, then you've got JABOSTH.
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I should point out, though, that you can go too far in the other direction, resulting in a number of negative tropes: A Very Special Episode, Anvilicious, Narm, Author Filibuster and many others.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Thanks for taking the time for the review, Venture. It pretty much confirms 50% of the comments. "Wow, it's really great writing, but the story needs help!" I would likely have taken the review just a tad better had I not had every article of clothing I can wear in public having been stolen today...
So...Ummm...I guess I'll take it down until I15 comes out, which may, thought I doubt it, offer new tools to improve the story.
+Gamron (AKA: A-N)
"The acquisition of any knowledge is of use to the intellect, for nothing can be loved or hated until it is first known."
Leonardo da Vinci
Arc #84420, "Death to Disco!"
tl;dr: 3 stars. Offenses: "It ain't half bad/It ain't half good, neither"
Reviewed on: 6/4/2009
Level Range: 30-54/1-54
Character used: Agent Cerulean/Justice
The Deity of Rock (looks suspiciously like Meat Loaf) wants your help to deal with some temporal meddling. Dr. Disco Fever is changing history so that disco never dies out and rock fades away. He's traced the divergence to 1977, when Jimmy Carter suddenly introduces a bill to remix the national anthem. You must stop 'The Star Spangled Hustle" in its tracks. You're sent to an abandoned tech map full of Crey. There's no indication what Crey is doing here until you find "Sauer", a former Crey researcher (Energy Blast/Electric Blast Boss) whose experiments on himself were too extreme even for Crey. He and his team have gone rogue, hired by Dr. Disco Fever to brainwash Carter. Sauer himself notes that this is absurd, but a job's a job. He likes Lawrence Welk anyway. Carter is a simple rescue.
Saving Carter has restored the timleline on your return, but Dr. Fever isn't done yet. He's going back again to stop the "Disco Demolition", an event involving rock fans destroying piles of disco music, which as it happens was a real event. You're to make sure all the disco records, cassettes and 8-tracks are destroyed. The mission takes place on a wilderness map, since we don't have a baseball stadium (yet), and you're up against Disco Nation mobs: Dancing Queens, Divas, Kung Fu Fightins, Disco DJs.... One of them told me to "go back to New Jersey, you loser!", at which point it was ON. The Kunf Fu Fightins are worth a mention as they're Martial Arts/Super Reflexes and thus see through stealth. I heard but didn't witness battles against Hard Rockers. Dr. Disco Fever spawns somewhere around the destruction of the fourth or fifth crate out of six (not sure); his bio explains that he was a major disco personality until disco died, then ended up as a janitor at Crey where he lucked into superpowers and an Oroborus portal. He was a Gravity Control/DiedTooFast Boss. The Deity of Rock thanks you for restoring the timeline, and everything's wunnerful, wunnerful.
The arc is just kind of there. It's reasonably cute but underwritten and short. It's not bad, but there's nothing all that great about it, either.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Thanks for the review.
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Offenses: "It ain't half bad/It ain't half good, neither"
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I am use to your reviews pointing out short comings of arcs, mistakes, logic flaws, areas of bad design etc. along with possible suggestions on how things might be improved.
From what I can glimmer from your short review (more of a plot summery) is that the arc was technically pretty prefect, had no logic flaws, was pretty well written, had decent and balanced customs (sorry, but comments like the boss was too hard/easy I take with a giant grain of salt till I get a few saying the same thing. Since you are of first to mention it in almost 300 plays, it is "awaiting more feedback") but was too short????
I thought you might be bias against this arc because it featured time-travel and you have made it clear how much you hate that. It is also clear you read your fellow reviewer's review of this arc and the criticism he took after it.
I guess all I can really say is I am glad you liked the arc and am pretty happy my writing was able to generate an emotional response ("It's ON"), but very disappointed in your review and confused by your rating since I have seen more criticism of arcs you rated 4 or 5 stars than what you wrote about Death to Disco!.
WN
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
Great discussion. Both sides have made some excellent points about whether "Kid $name" or "$name" make more sense for a player's $sidekickname. I'm definitely reading it all, and appreciate the input.
Thanks again for trying Teen Phalanx Forever!
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"