I'll try yours if you'll try mine

Well, perhaps they had the names in their description, but the scroll bar just said 'scientists'... I didn't even think to look at their description until after the mission debriefing.

Hiroshima: Well, I agree with the 'no enemy' in the final level. It really works in afterthought, so the initial reaction is the only jarring part. If you were fighting baddies from the get go and hitting the bomb killed them all, the reaction would be a joyous one. Because there are only civilians at the moment, it's more tragic when it finally goes. Again, the only three suggestions I have for the end are:

1. Really BIG battle on the airstrip... partially for tension, and also so the player has a big bang before the... well, big bang. Also, if you squeeze all of the fight out of 'em, a run through the empty streets will be a welcome relief.

2. Add a timer to mission 4. If the clock is ticking, they'll have less time to observe the innocent bystanders, but at least it gives the urgency "We must trigger it now or never!"

3. Merely warn the player in the mission briefing. "The Japanese defenses are occupied elsewhere, so there should be no interference. All you need to do-" etc. If they know there won't be a fight, they're less likely to be startled by the empty streets.

The Galactic Protectorate - 02 review
Arc ID: 117281
Keywords: Challenging, Custom Characters, Save the World
Morality: Neutral
Level range: 40-54
Warnings: AVs, EBs, custom power selections.

The premise is to help an alternate dimension version of Manticore against alien invaders known as the Galactic Protectorate. I played a 50 MA/SR scrapper with soft capped positional defense on default difficulty. The contact is Manticore (albeit with a different background story).

[5.0] points initially.

Mission 1
Briefing: well-written, quickly catches the player up on "the story thus far" without requiring too much text. The contact apparently wants me to target one of the Galactic Protectorate generals. He knows of 3 possible locations.

[-0.01] Capitalization: "possibilities: An office" -> "possibilities: an office"

[-0.01] Phrasing: "you can handle that by yourself, right?" won't make sense if the player is on a team.

Send-off message: fortunately, I don't have to check all 3. I like that the contact gives some details on what is needed during the mission, but I am puzzled that

[-0.1] Doesn't make sense: why doesn't he mention the general we're trying to assassinate, among the objectives for the mission? After all, this is one of the 3 locations she's suspected of being at.

Inside the mission, the map is full of "GP - Division 12" mobs. They seem to be loosely fantasy themed (with knights, clerics, archers, etc.), which seems a little odd for space aliens.

Found Computer B, then Computer A, then Computer C each of which gave some info about the origin story of the Galactic Protectorate.

[-0.1] Doesn't make sense: considering the Galactic Protectorate was formed with "sole purpose the prevention of future interplanetary conflicts", it seems inconsistent that they have invaded and occupied the Earth.

I overheard some GPs saying:

[NPC] Blackstar Berserker: From everything I'd heard about the 12th Division, I thoughtt the general would be a scarier person.

[-0.01] Typo: thoughtt -> thought

I find and fight the Base Commander.


The Base Commander is ... a WoW refugee?

While fighting him, he says:

[NPC] Base Commander: My noble sword is of the same design as our leader, General Guinevere! Feel her wrath through me!

[-0.01] Phrasing: his sword is shaped like General Guinevere? Pretty sure that's not what you meant to say.

Found the "Mainframe" I'm supposed to destroy.

[-0.01] Inconsistency: Manticore says to "destroy their communications network" and "get information off their computers"; "Destroy Mainframe" does not seem to match either of those at first glance. This is a little confusing. When I get closer, it becomes clearer that the Mainframe is meant to be the comm network; for clarity, I'd suggest either making the objective "Destroy Communications Net" or having the contact tell you that the communications network is controlled by a mainframe.

Searched the rest of the map and eventually found a Confidential Computer that awarded "Top-Secret Orders" indicating General Guinevere's location.

Debriefing: the contact seems baffled that the General wasn't in any of the locations we checked, but the "secret orders" I found give us a new lead on her location.

[4.75] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2
Briefing: the contact doesn't know where this "Theta" location is, but spies report some invaders from "the same division as the general we're tracking" were seen leaving a warehouse. This seems like a pretty thin lead to me (after all, all the guys in the last mission were also from "the same division as the general") but Synapse was apparently checking it out and is now missing. So I'm being asked to save him.

Mission entry popup: how convenient of the GP to put up a big sign labeling their top secret location as "Rendezvous Point Theta"! LOL.

[-0.01] Don't understand: Mission objectives contain "Defeat Col. Grandal" and "Defeat Col. Armalad" but neither of these names have been mentioned before, so I don't know why I need to defeat them. Perhaps "2 Division 12 Commanders to defeat" (or something similar) would be a better objective. (Somewhat nitpicky.)

Found Synapse being held captive by some Division 12 guys.



Synapse says:

[NPC] Synapse: You know, Manticore tells me that alot, but where's HIS degree in nuclear physics?

This is a funny line but

[-0.01] Typo: alot -> a lot (in Synapse's dialog)

[-0.1] Continuity error: Synapse (aka Steven Berry) is an accountant. Raymond Keyes (aka Positron) is the physicist.

His guards then say:

[NPC] Cosmic Crusader: Enough of this foolishness! We have a secruity breach!

[-0.01] Typo: secruity -> security

After Synapse joins me, I end up needing to clear most enemies in order to progress. He looks like a Hero, but he doesn't seem too powerful (poor AI maybe); maybe he's one of the Siren's Call pets or something.

Found and defeated Col. Armalad. Then I found a computer which gave me the "Prisoner Transfer Report", detailing that Sister Psyche apparently has been captured and transported to a nearby forested area. Then I defeated Col. Grandal, which completed the mission.

Debriefing: Manticore is understandably excited that we've discovered where the GP is holding Sister Psyche.

[-0.01] Don't understand: why was this mission called "Pride Over Life"? I didn't see any connection with the mission's events.

[4.61] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: pretty nice briefing explaining the breakout plan, and communicating what Synapse and Manticore are going to be doing while this is all happening.

Inside the mission, I search the outdoor map until I find Sister Psyche.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "but has only now been successful" is awkwardly phrased; I suggest "but has not been successful until now" (in Sister Psyche's description)

I pretty quickly find Gen. Guinevere and battle her with Sister Psyche's help. I like that the General comments on the fact that the humans have broken the "agreement" between Lord Cosmic and Statesman; hopefully this will become relevant later.


You and your primitive weapons have no chance! I'm going to show you the error of your ways by...uhh...kicking you really hard. In the face.

Defeating the general ends the mission.

Debriefing: good summary of what was accomplished. I thought it was a bit over-the-top to rename the Human Resistance after my character when there's multiple Freedom Phalanx members in it already, but it's a nice gesture, so I didn't mark off any points for it.

[-0.01] Don't understand: why was this mission called "Comfort in Identity"? Didn't see any connection with the mission's events.

[4.59] at end of mission 3.

Overall
This felt like a middle installment in a serial, which it is; as such, the story didn't really grab me that strongly. The arc did have a logical start and finish, though, so it didn't seem justified to mark off points for this. I'm not quite sure what to suggest on making the story more involving; it might just be me. The gameplay of the arc seemed fine, and each mission has a decent amount of stuff to do. The arc as a whole has a plot of its own, in addition to moving the overarching "Galactic Protectorate" plot forward a little bit.

I liked that the big bad guy of the arc (Gen. Guinevere) had lots of foreshadowing and build-up from the various other NPCs you encounter. The GP - Division 12 group seemed reasonably balanced for a high-end mission group; I thought it was a bit weird that they were using mostly high fantasy equipment, but the lore in this arc spins this as being Division 12's "schtick", so I can accept that.

Rounding 4.59 up, I gave this arc 5 stars.

----

My queue is now:

@Frija - Mercytown #6017 (V1-10)
The Hound - The Alien Tyrant #357388 (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 03 #174352 (N40-54)
Dsarvess Rientel - Serpent's Scheme #363206 (H5-25)
Lazarus - Breaking the Barrier (And Putting it Back Together) #347029 (re-review) (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 04 #269714 (N40-54)
Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
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Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)

Thanks for the great review of my second "Galactic Protectorate" arc, PoliceWoman! I'm glad you enjoyed the characters in the arc, even if you weren't thrilled about the story

The only nitpick about your review I have is the "continuity error" regarding Synapse in mission 2. It's... not exactly a continuity error, considering that the Steven Berry of the dimension the story takes place in WAS a scientist before becoming Synapse. The dialogue was more to confirm to players who knew of regular-Synapse's past that the alternate-Synapse in these arcs has a different past than the Synapse they're familiar with. I did try to foreshadow that fact when Manticore hints that it was Synapse who designed the interdimensional gateway in the first mission of this arc, but I admit I should probably make that clearer to the player

While the alternate dimension this story takes place in might seem to be almost identical to Primal Earth at first glance, as observant a reviewer as you are, you'll probably notice several other things which seem "out of place" in the coming Galactic Protectorate arcs. Thanks again, and I look forward to your review of "The Galactic Protectorate - 03"

Mercytown review
Arc ID: 6017
Keywords: Comedy, Horror
Morality: Villainous
Level range: 1-10
Warnings: custom power selections

The premise is to help a mad scientist battle some kind of underwater cult. It claims it is suitable for level 1s. I played a level 3 rad/storm corruptor (powers with no synergy but I thought they looked good visually for a water-themed character) on default difficulty. I avoided using the veteran attack powers.

I've actually played this arc before (for an earlier Player's Choice contest) but not for review. The contact is Dmitri Krylov.

[5.0] points initially.

Mission 1
Briefing: the contact has heard that I've escaped the Zig and wants to secure my services. He speaks in broken English, but this is clearly deliberate. In the send-off message he reveals that he wants me to capture a Coralax for his research.

[+0.1] Fun initial briefing: between the "A Fish Called Coralax" title, the references to sea monkeys, and Krylov's mannerisms in general.

The map is full of Coralax. Initially I thought, why can't I just get any Coralax as a research specimen? But the "Specimen Spec" clue explains why I need a specific one. Using Neutrino Bolt (great at low levels) and Gale (bleh..they MADE me take this), I battle the Coralax and capture "A Fine Specimen". This gets me to level 4. Leading it back to the exit, I get "Something About A Book" as a clue.

[5.1] at end of mission 1.

(Between missions I train up to 4, picking up Snow Storm.)

Mission 2
Briefing: the contact digs some info up on the Book of the Deep, but he doesn't really seem interested in it, so "I" end up deciding to steal it on my own.

Searching the office, I find a Desk that gives me the "Veidt's Desk" clue.

[-0.01] Grammar: "his desk have already been raided, and no signs of the book" -> "his desk has already been raided, and no sign of the book" (in Veidt's Desk)

Found and defeated Raid Leader. She says:


Attack my sisters!

[-0.01] Punctuation: "Attack my sisters!" -> "Attack, my sisters!" (meaning is slightly different)

Then I found and rescued Vivi, who gave me the "My Hero!" clue (which seems to want me to find Henry Veidt) and finished the mission. Vivi's guards had some dialog hinting that they were going to give her "the Gift" (presumably converting her into a Coralax).

[5.08] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: the contact explains the tarot card found in Veidt's Desk is a calling card of "Duke" Mordrogar. The clues gained so far make the contact more interested in recovering the Book of the Deep. So I'm sent after Mordrogar, who is presumed to have stolen it.

[+0.1] Mission entry popup is very funny.

In the mission I find various dancing Hellions.


Dancing Squealer

[-0.01] Formatting: for some reason "Dancing Squealer" doesn't have its name centered in the Target box or over its head; I can only guess that it has several trailing spaces in its name. Adding a space or two at the end of the name (to allow multiple instances) is normally not noticable, but this one has enough that it's very obvious.



[+0.1] Good dialog: I love how the squealers are eager to give up all sorts of information (even though it's not the specific info I'm looking for). I thought that was a nice touch.

(Note: not sure why Dancing Squealer's name ended up appearing in her dialog balloon in this screen shot. The other squealers did not have this problem.)

Finally found "Dealing Squealer" who says:

[NPC] Dealing Squealer: Okay! Okay I'll tell you everything!

[-0.01] The "Dancing Squealer" and "Chilling Squealer" also said "I'll tell you everything!" but also said a little more about the info they were giving. Dealing Squealer maybe should say "I'll tell you everything! I know where Duke's hideout is!" or something, to parallel this.

After defeating Dealing Squealer's group, I got the "Duke's Location" clue. You might consider making this objective "Only Boss required", so that you get the clue as soon as you defeat Dealing Squealer.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "and also Henry Veidt as well!" is a bit redundant, should be just "and Henry Veidt as well!" (in Duke's Location)

[-0.01] Doesn't make sense: "Krylov can probably point you in the right direction for his address" in mission exit popup - but the Duke's Location clue already has told me this info? So why would I need Krylov's help with this?

[5.24] at end of mission 3.

Mission 4
Briefing: Krylov now wants me to go recover Veidt.

[-0.01] Punctuation: "Mr Veidt" -> "Mr. Veidt", "Mr Duke" -> "Mr. Duke" (though maybe the latter should be "Mr. Mordrogar"?)

Mission title: Should "The Yellow Duke" perhaps be "The Duke in Yellow"? (Assuming this is a Lovecraft reference.)

Entering the map, I wish my character actually did have water based powers, that could put out the fires.


[-0.01] Mission objectives: "6 research notes" should be "6 research notes to recover" or something similar.

[-0.01] Typo: "Mordrogor" -> "Mordrogar" (in mission objectives)

Found Journal #2 (glowy) which gave me "Henry Veidt's Journal #2" (clue).

Found and rescued Henry Veidt. I like that this objective becomes "Drag the hysterical Veidt away from the burning building". I led him to the door, where he said:

[NPC] Henry Veidt: You should have let me to die in the fire!

[-0.01] Typo: "let me to die" -> "left me to die" (Henry Veidt's dialog)

I also got the "It's Hopeless!" clue at some point, either from rescuing Veidt or leading him out.

Found Journal #1 (glowy) which gave me "Henry Veidt's Journal #1" (clue).

Found Journal #25 (glowy) which gave me "Henry Veidt's Journal #25" (clue).

[-0.01] Don't understand: why journal #25 when there are only 6 research notes to find? If you want to give the sense that a lot of time is passing between the journal entries, perhaps using dates rather than numbers would make more sense.

[-0.01] Punctuation: "agitated -no, *mad*" -> "agitated--no, mad" or "agitated - no, mad" (right now the dash is weirdly asymmetric; suggest you use some kind of hypertext markup instead of asterisks for emphasis, too)

Found Journal #22 (glowy) which gave me "Henry Veidt's Journal #22" (clue).

Found Journal #18 (glowy) which gave me "Henry Veidt's Journal #18" (clue).

Found and fought Duke Mordrogar, who spawned as a lieutenant for me.


Fire and water

[+0.1] Sense of ambience: Mordrogar's dialog and the writing in Veidt's journals gave this mission a really creepy, Cthulhu mythos-like feel.

[-0.01] Typo: "ambitions drive" -> "ambitious drive" (in Duke Mordrogar's description)

Found Journal #16 (glowy) which gave me "Henry Veidt's Journal #16" (clue) and completed the mission.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "I must admit in feeling the same things" -> "I must admit to feeling the same things" (in Henry Veidt's Journal #16)

I also got "The Book of the Deep" clue, either from defeating Mordrogar or completing the mission, not quite sure which.

Mission exit popup: despite just having rescued Henry Veidt, I get a note saying that he (and Vivi) have been kidnapped by someone else.

[5.26] at end of mission 4.

Mission 5
Briefing: the contact wants to storm the fish lair, beat up their boss and destroy the book.

It seems odd that we would want to destroy the book when it's obviously so valuable (and we're money grubbing villains and all) but Krylov does explain his reasoning, which is somewhat plausible.

[-0.01] Doesn't make sense: Krylov compliments me on my penmanship after reading the notes, but actually, I found the research notes (at least according to the text in mission 4), and they're part of Veidt's journal, so were not written by me.

[-0.01] Punctuation: the briefing has a double quote " at the start and a " at the end, then has several nested " quotations inside it, e.g., "Merulina" and "Book of the Deep". Should either get rid of the outer quote marks, or else make the inner quote marks use single quotes. (This also occurs in the send-off message.) (Admittedly nitpicky.)

[-0.01] Typo: "seperated" -> "separated" (in send-off message)

Got a "To Do List" from Krylov as a mission start clue.

[-0.1] Inconsistent: "To Do List" lists 4 tasks to stop the colony. Mission objectives says "7 tasks to stop the colony". Does not compute.

I think I actually prefer breaking down the tasks into "Defeat boss, 4 charges to place, Destroy Book, etc." rather than accumulating 7 very different actions into one generic "7 tasks to stop the colony (check 'To Do' clue for details)"; it gives more clarity on what objectives are left. But this is more personal taste. Having to add "(check 'To Do' clue for details)" negates most of the space savings you gained in the nav tool for combining the objectives together.

[-0.01] Mission objectives: "2 Veidt to find" should be "2 Veidts to find"

I soon found Dmitri Krylov and rescued him; he becomes a combat ally. Leveled to 5 at this point (didn't bother training; the level increased helped a lot though).

Then I found a "Barrel of Acid"; clicking this gives me the "Destroyed the Tome" clue and decrements "7 tasks" to "6 tasks".

[-0.1] Don't understand: why is it necessary to bring the book and the barrel of acid to the Coralax lair, only to destroy it? I could have simply dropped the book in the barrel of acid back at Krylov's lab. "To Do List" tries to explain this as needing the book as a "bargaining chip", but I don't buy this explanation.


Final battle against the Coralax

Found and fought the Coralax High Priestess, which decremented "6 tasks" to "5 tasks"; also fought off an ambush she spawned.

Found the Ritual Altar and destroyed it; it made some odd noises as I was destroying it:

[NPC] Ritual Altar: OooGwwww!
[NPC] Ritual Altar: KYEEEEEEEEEE

It's kind of strange for an inanimate object to make sounds like that, but I figure it's meant to be creepy. Destroying it decreased my counter to "4 tasks".

I ran into "A Fine Specimen" again and battled her. I liked her reappearance and her dialog. She didn't seem required but was a lot of fun.

4 Bombs were present in that room which each completed one of the 4 remaining tasks, and ended the mission.

After the mission completed I went ahead and rescued Henry Veidt and defeated the mutated Vivi for the sake of completeness.

Nice text in the mission exit popup.

Debriefing: nice wrap-up to the story. I like that he actually does pay you off with a big grubby roll of bank notes. The ferry ticket is a neat idea for a souvenir. Like the "Chinatown" reference.

[5.02] at end of mission 5.

Overall
This was a fun low level adventure with good characterization, lots of fun throwaway bits and references, and was well balanced for lowbies. I might suggest adjusting the objectives in the final mission a bit; it didn't make sense to bring the book to their lair only to destroy it, and the game mechanics of the "To Do" list didn't quite work for me. Thought the story was quite good overall though.

[+0.1] Good characterization: Krylov's dialog and mannerisms were really well done. I also liked how Henry Veidt, Vivi Veidt and even a Fine Specimen were used.

Rounding off 5.12, I gave this arc 5 stars.

----

My queue is now:

The Hound - The Alien Tyrant #357388 (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 03 #174352 (N40-54)
Dsarvess Rientel - Serpent's Scheme #363206 (H5-25)
Lazarus - Breaking the Barrier (And Putting it Back Together) #347029 (re-review) (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 04 #269714 (N40-54)
Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
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Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)

Thanks for the review! Yes it seems my other arc can't be edited now, though if you ever do find yourself playing it I'm always happy to get feedback regardless. Anyway I'll just reply to a few of your comments:

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoliceWoman (Note: not sure why Dancing Squealer's name ended up appearing in her dialog balloon in this screen shot. The other squealers did not have this problem.)

Yes, that's an odd bug that I haven't figured out as to what's causing it. Perhaps a name change will fix that, since I need to edit the name spacing you spotted anyway, that's a holdover from a previous writeup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoliceWoman Mission title: Should "The Yellow Duke" perhaps be "The Duke in Yellow"? (Assuming this is a Lovecraft reference.)

You're right, I don't know how I got that mixed up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoliceWoman [-0.1] Inconsistent: "To Do List" lists 4 tasks to stop the colony. Mission objectives says "7 tasks to stop the colony". Does not compute. I think I actually prefer breaking down the tasks into "Defeat boss, 4 charges to place, Destroy Book, etc." rather than accumulating 7 very different actions into one generic "7 tasks to stop the colony (check 'To Do' clue for details)"; it gives more clarity on what objectives are left. But this is more personal taste. Having to add "(check 'To Do' clue for details)" negates most of the space savings you gained in the nav tool for combining the objectives together.

I've been debating which way to go with this one, and you make a good point. I may just go back and re-rewrite it when I get the chance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoliceWoman [-0.1] Don't understand: why is it necessary to bring the book and the barrel of acid to the Coralax lair, only to destroy it? I could have simply dropped the book in the barrel of acid back at Krylov's lab. "To Do List" tries to explain this as needing the book as a "bargaining chip", but I don't buy this explanation.

That's another one I've been debating whether to leave in, or phase out of the mission completely in someway. I think what's been keeping me from removing this objective is that it would make the plot more complicated, but it's something to mull over to find an alternative approach.

Also thanks for capturing those rather embarrassing grammar errors, and all the other good suggestions I haven't directly mentioned.

The Alien Tyrant review
Arc ID: 357388
Keywords: Ideal for Teams, Save the World, Sci-Fi
Morality: Heroic
Level range: 45-54
Warnings: AVs, EBs

The premise of the arc is to attack an alien planet, battle through enemy soldiers, and attack their Emperor. This arc is apparently the sequel to another arc that I haven't played. With "Ideal for Teams" and AVs listed, I played a level 50 MA/SR scrapper with soft capped defense, on default +0 x0 difficulty. The contact is a Vanguard soldier.

[5.0] points to start.

Mission 1
Briefing: the contact quickly catches me up with the story, saying that the Restarians tried to conquer Earth but were repelled by metahumans.

[-0.01] Typo: "dissaray" -> "disarray" (in briefing)

[-0.01] Mission accept text: "Accept" does not make sense in this context as the contact has not asked the player to do anything yet, he has only given an info dump. You may want to have the contact ask the player for help, and then change the mission accept text to something the player might say.

The send-off message does explain a bit more about what this mission is about. The contact wants me to check out a Restarian base in the Rogue Isles.

[-0.01] Mission objectives: "Defeat Karhn" is in my objective list, but Karhn was not mentioned by the contact, so I don't know who that is. Perhaps "Defeat Restarian leader" or something similar would make more sense.

There are some custom Restarian mobs in the mission, with costumes that look quite good; they look very much the part of sinister, faceless goons.

[+0.1] Neat looking custom group.

I soon find Lieutenant Karhn and battle him. While fighting him, he says:

[NPC] Lieutenant Karhn: Oh no. They can't jeapordise our plans! Attack!

[-0.01] Typo: "jeapordise" -> "jeopardise" (or "jeopardize")


KARHN!!!!

Defeating Karhn gives me the "Portal Codes" clue.

[-0.01] Involvement: Portal Codes clue suggests "Perhaps taking them back to Higgs would be the best plan"; would be nicer if the player could recognize the significance of the portal codes herself, rather than have the contact tell her what they're for.

I also found Operative Grake and defeated him, getting the "List of Portal Materials" clue and completing the mission.

This mission felt very short, but maybe this is okay.

Debriefing: the contact reviews the clues that were found so far, agreeing that it sounds like the Restarians just want to go home.

[5.05] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2
Briefing: the clues from the last mission give us coordinates for the Restarian homeworld, which we're going to use to attempt some regime change to remove the Restarian Emperor.

[-0.01] Typo: "it's soil" -> "its soil" (in briefing)

[-0.01] Mission accept message: needs something more than the default "Accept"

Send-off message: the contact clarifies that he wants me to take out a broadcasting tower that the Emperor uses to transmit his propaganda.

[-0.01] Typo: "it's people" -> "its people" (in send-off message)

[-0.01] Typo: "heavily secure" -> "heavily secured" or "heavily guarded" (in send-off message)

[-0.01] Typo: "it's daily broadcast" -> "its daily broadcast" (in mission entry popup)

[-0.01] Typo: "obidient" -> "obedient" (in Sentinel description)

Searching the map I find some "Bombs to place".

[-0.01] Each glowy is named "Bombs to place" should be named just "Bomb" (note singular)

[-0.01] Mission objective: "Set the last bomb!" should omit the exclamation point. Looks odd with a comma after it; currently my objectives are "Set the last bomb!, Defeat the Overseer"

I found Overseer Brenodi and beat him up, satisfying "Defeat the Overseer".


He just wants to get ahead.

After some searching, I found the last bomb in a room where I had overlooked it (I can never find those tiny little bundles of dynamite). Clicking it completed the mission and gave me "The Cries of Rebellion" as a clue, which has some nice writing in it.

[-0.01] Typo: "it's people" -> "its people" (in The Cries of Rebellion)

[-0.1] Needs more atmosphere: this mission needs some more stuff suggestive of a broadcasting station in it. The Tower of the Emperor's Word should totally have broadcasting equipment, maybe some newscasters or radio operators, reels of propaganda films, etc., in it, to make it more than just another tech lab.

[-0.01] Typo: "supress" -> "suppress" (in debriefing)

[4.85] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: a rebellion has started after I bombed the radio station, but is getting brutally suppressed. The contact wants me to defeat the specialized "Treason Unit" robots and free some captured rebels.

[-0.01] Typo: "Supression" -> "Suppression" (in the caption for the briefing)

[-0.01] Phrasing: "You've set events in motion entire legions couldn't achieve $name" is a little awkward; perhaps "You've set events in motion that entire legions couldn't achieve, $name" (in briefing)

[-0.01] Mission accept message: needs something more than the default "Accept"

[-0.01] Phrasing: "free the rebels which have been captured" -> "free the rebels who have been captured"

I find and fight a Treason Unit. The briefing does a good job of hyping up the Treason Units as specialized police robots, but the red and black color scheme of the Treason Units is identical to the rest of the Restarian military, so it blends right in.

[-0.01] Costuming: Treason Unit needs a more distinctive appearance (perhaps even a different color scheme since it is police and not military).

Found and freed a Rebel Gunman.

[-0.01] Phasing: "Fighting to see their planet free of the Emperor's reign" isn't a complete sentence (in Rebel Gunman's description). Suggest that you either add some text, or combine with the previous sentence, e.g., "they are a determined lot, fighting to see their planet free..."

[-0.1] Don't understand: why does Rebel Gunman just stand there after being freed? Shouldn't he help me free the other rebels?

I eventually free all the Rebel Gunmen and defeat all the Treason Units, which completes the mission and gives me the "Path to the Palace" clue.

[-0.01] Terminology: An Emperor wouldn't have a "Royal Palace"; perhaps you mean "Imperial Palace" (in Path to the Palace, and also referred to in mission 4 briefing and send-off)

[-0.1] Gameplay: This mission seemed a little dull to me. Set on a large outdoor map, the only items of interest were the Treason Units (who all had identical dialog) and the Rebel Gunmen (who also all had identical dialog). Perhaps it makes sense for the robotic Treason Units to be identical, but it might be more exciting if the player rescued a variety of resistance fighters with different dialog; perhaps even a rebel leader. Or maybe if some other mission details were added, like a boss who is controlling the Treason Units (perhaps a mad scientist or a head security goon), some battles between rebels and Imperials, or some strategic objective the rebels were after when they got captured, that the rebel leader tells you about after rescuing her, then you end up helping accomplish it instead. Anyway, I just think the mission needs something more.

[4.59] at end of mission 3.

Mission 4
Briefing: now we're after the Emperor himself, and his guards, in the Royal Palace.

[-0.01] Typo: "truely" -> "truly" (in briefing)

[-0.01] Terminology: An Emperor wouldn't have "Royal Guards"; perhaps this should be "Imperial Guards"

[-0.01] Phrasing: "Restarian forces have been forced to cower in the Royal Palace" just doesn't sound right to me; I suggest either "Restarian forces are cowering in the Imperial Palace" or "Restarian forces have been forced to retreat to the Imperial Palace".

[-0.01] Mission accept message: needs something more than the default "Accept"

Send-off message: The contact now says that actually, the rebels have captured the Royal Palace and the Emperor has run away to some underground caves.

[-0.1] Inconsistency: first the briefing said the Emperor and his guards are in the Palace, then the send-off message says they're in some caves under the Palace. But no time has elapsed between these two messages, so this seems inconsistent.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "All forces on Restaria are now engaged with each other" doesn't quite make sense; I think you mean something like "All Restarian Imperial forces are now engaged with rebel fighters".

[-0.1] Don't understand: how is it that the rebels can't enter the caves due to the "emergency defences", but I'm able to enter the caves freely? The briefing does mention "We will open a wormhole" as an explanation for how I can get in, but if we're able to do this, why can't we just send a rebel army through the wormhole to overrun the Emperor?

[-0.01] Phrasing: the contact calls me "sir" even though I am playing a female character.

[-0.01] Inconsistency: the briefing uses British spellings ("defences", "neighbouring") but the glowies in the mission use US spelling ("Defense Generator"). I think either is fine, but you shouldn't mix them.

I find and destroy a couple of the generators, then I find a Royal Guard and defeat him. The Royal Guard is supposed to be a badass, but he really looks almost exactly like the other Restarians.

[-0.01] Costuming: Royal Guard needs a more distinctive costume; perhaps give him a cape and/or a fancier hat or different colors or something.

Royal Guard also used Build Up against me; this seemed a little scary, but is maybe appropriate for the final mission's encounters.

[-0.01] Mission objectives: "Defeat the last Royal Guard!" should omit the trailing exclamation point, looks weird with a comma after it.

[-0.01] Don't understand: why is defeating the Royal Guards necessary? Wouldn't defeating the Emperor himself be enough? Perhaps the Guards should be optional, or be members of the group surrounding the Emperor, or perhaps the Emperor wouldn't spawn initially, but would be triggered only after defeating the Royal Guards.

I reach the final room, which is Tyrant's throne room; a nice choice to face the Emperor in.

[-0.01] Typo: "in it's range" -> "in its range" (Emperor Esscari's description)


This is me getting whomped for 1538 damage. Don't try this at home, kids.

I manage to beat up the Emperor, though he had me worried after he Dull Pain'd and started calling ambushes.

After defeating the Emperor, I searched around and beat the last Royal Guard and destroyed the last generator, completing the mission.

[-0.01] Typo: "it's people" -> "its people" (in debriefing)

[-0.01] Don't understand: why is what happens to Restaria now a mystery? We've been able to visit it freely up to this point, shouldn't we know what happens next?

[-0.1] No souvenir?

[4.16] at end of mission 4.

Overall
A pretty good arc about overthrowing an evil empire. I liked the look of the Restarians, though the special units needed to be more distinctive looking. The plot seemed basically good. The middle missions felt a little bland, though, and could use additional details to give more of a sense of atmosphere. I'd also recommend giving the resistance fighters a little more personality to make them seem more real, perhaps giving them distinctive names and dialog in mission 3 and having a couple help take down the Imperials in mission 4.

Rounding 4.16 off, I gave this arc 4 stars.

----

My queue is now:

Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 03 #174352 (N40-54)
Dsarvess Rientel - Serpent's Scheme #363206 (H5-25)
Lazarus - Breaking the Barrier (And Putting it Back Together) #347029 (re-review) (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 04 #269714 (N40-54)
Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
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Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)

Thanks for the review PoliceWoman! Thank you for being very descriptive in the things you picked out and for noticing the grammar mistakes. I'll get to work on tweaking it up once I have somne free time. Thanks, once again!

I ended up writing an arc for an attempt at Dr. Aeon's Second Architect Challenge:

Two Tickets to Westerly (arc 374002)
While patrolling in King's Row, you see her. Trashy outfit, smeared makeup, unkempt hair; just another Skulls Girlfriend, you think. You're about to pass her by when she starts waving to you. "Please! I need help!" she pleads. "My boyfriend...I think he's in trouble."
(heroic, level 5-10)



I unpublished Destroyer of Worlds to make room for this arc. That arc seemed to make the most sense to unpublish, seeing that it was my attempt at the first Aeon challenge. I think I did about as much as I could with Destroyer, yet I was still not totally happy with it; mainly because of mixed player reaction to the final mission, the lack of a good airfield map for mission 3, and limited replayability value.

I could certainly use player feedback on Two Tickets to Westerly. In my opinion, having other people look at your work and provide constructive criticism is immensely valuable for improving a story arc. Playing through this arc will, of course, count towards QPQ credit for my reviews, as well.

The Galactic Protectorate - 03 review
Arc ID: 174352
Keywords: Challenging, Custom Characters, Save the World
Morality: Neutral
Level range: 40-54
Warnings: AVs, EBs, custom power selections.

The premise is to help an alternate dimension Sister Psyche battle against alien invaders. I played a 50 MA/SR scrapper with heavy IO slotting and capped defense to all positions. The contact is a version of Sister Psyche.

[5.0] points to start with.

[-0.01] Typo: "Sister Pysche" -> "Sister Psyche" (in contact description)

Mission 1
Briefing: the contact catches me up with the story thus far, though she seems a bit exasperated that Manticore is insisting that she ask for my help. It sounds like the contact wants me to participate in a military attack on a hospital? Hospitals are not legitimate military targets, so this seems morally questionable; I believe it may actually be a war crime. The arc is labeled neutral, but the contact is clearly a hero, so this doesn't quite work for me.

[-0.1] Out of character: Sister Psyche ordering a military attack on a hospital. (Certainly some of the more pragmatic heroes and most villains would be fine doing this; it doesn't seem like Sister Psyche would.) You might consider using a more evil (or at least shades-of-grey) contact, or else changing the type of mission.

[-0.1] Diminishes the player: the briefing and send-off messages appear to have the contact sarcastically mocking the player's involvement in the story. She even says she wouldn't trust the player to do this, if it weren't for the fact that Manticore insists. While sometimes this can make sense for a contact who doesn't trust the player initially, the briefing establishes that the player has just rescued Sister Psyche (in the back story), so this seems particularly ungrateful. I'd suggest rewording the text to be a little more friendly; otherwise, with not much invested so far, it'd be awfully easy to turn off a player from playing the arc at this point.

Inside the mission, this map is filled with "GP - Division 11" custom characters.

[-0.5] Game balance: all the mobs (including minions) in Division 11 appear to be either devices, empathy or pain dom, and there's a large percentage of them that are some flavor of mastermind. This feels overpowered. It was not uncommon for me to be fighting 5 mobs that were ALL web grenading me at once. I also several times ran into groups of MMs who kept healing each other. I'd suggest reducing the amount of devices, empathy/pain dom, and pets; perhaps reserve these powers for lieutenant rank and above and making the minions more cannon fodder-like.

I quickly find a "Medical Mainframe" whose guards exposition that if the mainframe is destroyed, patients will die; then they attack me when I get in sight. I guess this is meant to set me up to commit war crimes. I decide to just walk past the mainframe and its guards, not destroying it, to see if I can.

[-0.01] Doesn't make sense: Meteorstorm Medic's background info refers to "Colonel Mojave" and "General Sahara" ... why would aliens have officers named after deserts on Earth?

Past the mainframe I find Nurse Rosenmiden, a hostage belonging to a group called "Protectorate Sympathizers". She has dialog actively expressing that she doesn't want to be rescued, because she has patients that need her. I end up trying to rescue her anyway, fighting her guards and an ambush.

[-0.01] Objectives: "Escort Physician" (triggered after rescuing Nurse) is rather ambiguous; suggest you clarify this to be "Escort Physician to the door" (or something similar).

Getting Rosenmiden to the door gives me "Nurse Rosenmiden's Warning" as a clue, further implying that the people I'm working for are actually the bad guys.

[-0.01] Doesn't make sense: Stardust Specialist is a mercenaries MM and her description says she works with less talented recruits. But her pets look very human, and not alien at all. (Sorta nitpicky so only marked off -0.01) Perhaps instead of using "less talented recruits" she could be in charge of human collaborators or something.

Found and "rescued" Doctor Kismadyte, who also made it clear she didn't want to be rescued. Starting to think I should've played a villain for this arc. She gives me "Doctor Kismadyte's Tale" as a clue.

Rescued also Doctor Regios; before leading Regios to the door, I found and fought the Base Commander.



The Base Commander berated me for attacking a hospital. Unfortunately, he is right, this is a pretty despicable act. The story arc pretty much forces me into doing this unless I simply quit the arc, though.

[-0.5] Plot problem: even after it is abundantly clear that completing this mission is the wrong action, the story arc forces the player into continuing to perform actions that she knows are wrong; the only alternative is to quit the arc (which is probably not the intent).

Escorting Regios to the door gives me "Doctor Regios' Story" as a clue and completes the mission.

Debriefing: the contact is exasperated at the behavior of the rescued doctors and continues to be portrayed unsympathetically. Getting the feeling that the contact is actually closer to Mother Mayhem than Sister Psyche.

[3.76] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2
Briefing: the contact wants me to destroy a base and defeat a general (if present...otherwise look for info) that she learned about by questioning the captured physicians.

[-0.01] Objectives: The fact that I have "Find Computer" instead of "Defeat General" as my objective seems an immediate spoiler indicating that the general isn't here.

I pretty quickly find Manticore and rescue him from some GP guards. I end up leaving him behind in order to just run deeper into the base to find the other objectives.

Found and defeated Col. Gobi and Col. Mojave, then backtracked a bit and found the computer, which gave me "General Sahara's Log Entry" as a clue, hinting that General Sahara is leading a new offensive against the humans.

Debriefing: the contact is concerned at the reports of this counterattack and starts sending out alerts.

[3.75] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: General Sahara has been located and I'm sent to take her down, with help from Sister Psyche herself.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "she has an entire enemy squad with her" ... a squad is actually only like 8 to 10 people, so this isn't as formidable a force as the briefing is trying to imply. Suggest you replace squad with a larger unit, like battalion, regiment...or even division, seeing as General Sahara is a division commander according to the story.

I soon locate Sister Psyche and free her from some GP - Division 11. This triggers a "Rescue Ms. Liberty" objective. You might consider adding a clue explaining Sister Psyche senses Ms. Liberty, in case a player on the team was not close enough to hear Sister Psyche's dialog. (Not strictly required though.)

Shortly after that I find Gen. Sahara; Sister Psyche and I rapidly defeat Sahara despite multiple ambushes.

Leaving Sister Psyche behind, I search the map for Ms. Liberty.

[-0.1] Gameplay: Large outdoor map with few objectives on it, resulting in some tedious searching; I'd suggest adding more stuff to the map (maybe more low ranked resistance fighters or GP - Division 11) or using a smaller map.

I found Ms. Liberty and rescued her, and she says things like:



[NPC] Ms. Liberty: Sister Psyche?! Boy, am I glad to see you! *Ahem* I mean, I'm here to assist you in this battle!
[NPC] Ms. Liberty: And here I thought I'D be the one saving YOU! Hey, who's your new friend? *Ahem* I mean, new ally?

[-0.1] Doesn't make sense: I actually left Sister Psyche behind, so having Ms. Liberty talk to Sister Psyche when I rescue her doesn't really work. The same could happen if Sister Psyche gets killed before I find Ms. Liberty. Consider rephrasing her dialog so she talks to the player, or otherwise still makes sense even if Sister Psyche is not present.

Rescuing Ms. Liberty ended the mission.

[-0.1] Needs more writing: Ms. Liberty appears out of nowhere (she is never mentioned before this mission) and explains nothing after she is rescued. Her background info and dialog hint a little at why she is here, but there really needs to be more. I'd recommend inserting some foreshadowing of Ms. Liberty's presence (perhaps as clues or dialog before she is found) and when you rescue her, have her award a clue that explains her story.

Debriefing: at the end of the arc, I've finally won the contact's trust. I still think this doesn't quite work, though, because the player has already rescued the contact and defeated an enemy general, even before the first mission; so why wouldn't Sister Psyche have already been impressed by that? The events in the final mission of this arc are not any more impressive than what happened before.

[-0.1] Dangling plot thread: Nothing ever came of the hospital doctors subplot, where we basically were committing a war crime, the doctors had good reasons for what they were doing, and yet Sister Psyche treated them all like traitors. I think this subplot needs more closure.

When Ms. Liberty appeared by surprise, I half expected her to be a messenger from Statesman telling the rest of the Freedom Phalanx that they've lost their way, and to stop what they're doing; then Sister Psyche would betray and I'd have to fight her or something. Nothing nearly so dramatic occurred, though; it seemed more like we rescued Ms. Liberty by accident (I guess to set up the contact for the next arc).

[3.34] at end of mission 3.

Overall
I felt quite uneasy with the way the arc started. I knew attacking the hospital was wrong, and the story appears to recognize this (which I like) but it also forces you to do it anyway, even after it's very obvious that it's a wrong action (which I don't like).

Sister Psyche was characterized as very hardline and unsympathetic, which felt out of character to me.

The Division 11 mobs were very heavy on web grenade, healing, and mastermind pets to me, which made them both too hard and somewhat annoying (since you get slowed/immob'd a lot and a lot of your damage is rendered meaningless by heals and/or pets).

The final mission felt a little anticlimactic; most of the time is spent searching the large outdoor map for the few objectives.

Rounded the 3.34 score to 3 stars. Hope you think that's fair!

----

My queue is now:

Dsarvess Rientel - Serpent's Scheme #363206 (H5-25)
Lazarus - Breaking the Barrier (And Putting it Back Together) #347029 (re-review) (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 04 #269714 (N40-54)
Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
<placeholder>
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)

Thanks for the review, PoliceWoman I'm sorry to hear you didn't like this arc as much as you did the previous "Galactic Protectorate" arcs

One of my main goals with the "Galactic Protectorate" series was to create a story that didn't fall into the usual "black" and "white" type of morality that players usually find in the main game. There's a reason all of the arcs are labeled "Neutral" rather than "Heroic" or "Villainous"

I notice that you took off a fraction of a point for Sister Psyche being "out of character", when really my intent with most of Sister Psyche's dialog in this arc was to portray just how much this alternate Sister Psyche differed from the one most players are familiar with. I can understand if you were "put off" by her, however

I can understand if you were frustrated with the custom group. However, there was only one minion (out of four) with /Empathy, and only one lieutenant (out of three) with /Pain, so I'm a bit confused as to how you thought the group was "heavy on healing". To be honest, I'd love to cut down on the web grenades, but they're a required power of /Devices, so if I took it away they wouldn't give experience

In any case, I hope you like the next "Galactic Protectorate" arc more than this one. I look forward to your next review!

I've updated Ignition of the Machine based on the feedback you gave in your review. If you want to run it again I'd love some feedback on the changes, though you don't need to do a full re-review (I didn't really change much - mostly just added a bunch of optional clues to flesh out the story a bit).

Serpent's Scheme review
Arc ID: 363206
Keywords: Custom Characters, Non-Canon Story, Save the World
Morality: Heroic
Level range: 5-25
Warnings: custom power selections.

The premise is to stop a reptile cult. I played a 22 mace/shield brute (a villain, but in the right level range). The contact is an ordinary looking man in a casual shirt and pants.

[5.0] points to start.

Mission 1
Briefing: a facility is under attack by thugs, we don't know why. But we have to stop them.

[-0.1] Needs more writing: briefing is too short and doesn't give enough info. I'd suggest having the contact introduce himself, briefly describe who he's working for, and maybe give more details about the site and/or enemies. (Send off message does give a little more detail, but I still think the briefing needs more content.)

[-0.01] Typo: uonder -> under (in briefing)

[-0.01] Phrasing: "the sounds of people ransacking the chemicals" is an odd phrase; I really don't know how to imagine the sound of someone ransacking a chemical. Suggest you rephrase this.

The mission is filled with bad guys in a faction called "Naga", although they aren't human-headed snakes, they're some sort of cultists. They seem to have better than average perception as they aggro from some distance away; some look like they have SR toggles running, which could explain that.

Found a "Loose Chemicals" glowy that gave me the "Missing Chemical" clue. Two more glowies and clearing some mobs in the final room of the map completed the mission, giving me the "Snake hybrids?" clue.

[-0.1] No dialog: no one said anything during this entire mission, making the map seem awfully quiet and static.

[-0.1] Mission needs more content: considering this mission is the first introduction of the "Naga" custom group, I think you need more material here to establish who the Naga are, what they're like, why they're here, etc. (Dialog, clues, bosses, patrols, all can be useful to do this.)

[-0.1] Debriefing is too short: just barely over one line and not containing any real information. I'd expect to see a review of what occurred during the mission here, maybe with some conjectures as to the nature of the Naga and/or their motivation in stealing chemicals. Perhaps an explanation of what the stolen chemicals from "Missing Chemical" actually are?

[4.58] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2
Briefing: now the contact identifies the stolen chemical as "Chemical O" and wants me to track the thieves back to their hideout. This briefing still seems a little short to me (but at least it has some info in it).

[-0.1] Needs explanation: having mentioned Chemical O, the contact should really talk a little about what Chemical O is used for, and whether it's dangerous, to help motivate why we need to steal it back.

[-0.1] Continuity error: "You say they mentioned a serum" is stated in the send-off message, but actually, none of the Naga have ever said a word.

Found a "Stolen Chemicals" glowy that satisfied "Recover Chemicals" as an objective.

[-0.01] Inconsistent: chemicals glowy has a different graphic in this mission than in the last? Seems weird. Maybe this glowy should be a "Machine" instead of "Stolen Chemicals", then you still take the chemicals out of it.

[-0.1] Needs a clue: shouldn't we get a clue from the chemicals, describing the machine and what it uses the chemicals for?



Found and fought Priest Sskhet, who satisfied an objective and gave me the "Priestess's Note" clue.

Then I rescued Fredrik Johnson, who gave me "The cult's plan" as a clue.

[-0.01] Phrasing: Fredrik Johnson is called "Dr. Fredrik" in his description, but since his last name is Johnson, he should be "Dr. Johnson".

[4.26] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: the contact wants me to hunt down the person named in "Priestess's Note", who was on the team that invented Chemical O.

[-0.01] Don't understand: "If there are any would-be cultists there, you'll need to get them out, as well." (in send-off message) ... it seems very odd to want to rescue people who want to be cultists? This would make more sense if we're rescuing people who DON'T want to be cultists.

In the mission, the "new recruits" do express regret at trying to join, so it does make more sense to rescue them at that time; it still didn't make sense in the send-off message though, could use some rewording to be more clear.

[-0.01] Typo: "descision" -> "decision" (New Recruit's description)

Found Melissa Palmer, who seems to be a winged lizard.

[-0.01] Typo: reptillian -> reptilian (Melissa's description)

When I get close to her, she says:

[NPC] Melissa Palmer: Hmm... The meddling of Shield Maiden may have interrupted my theft of Chemical O, but soon, I will have everything I need to synthesize it myself! And if that fails, there is still the... other arrangements I made.

[-0.01] Grammar: "there is still the other arrangements" should be either "there are still the other arrangements" or "there is still the other arrangement"



Defeating Melissa and rescuing the third recruit completes the mission. At the end of the mission I have "They're Monsters!" and "Melissa's Computer" as clues. I think I got Melissa's Computer for mission completion (when rescuing a hostage), but maybe it would be more logical to get it from defeating Melissa. (not really a big deal, so didn't mark off points)

Also, all 3 "new recruit" hostages were identical in appearance and dialog; this isn't necessarily bad, but it can make a mission more fun if you mix them up a little and give them different things to say (if space permits).

[-0.1] Debriefing seems much too short (just a line and a half). He does at least comment on something we found in a clue. It still seems very short though, so I'd suggest adding some writing here.

[4.12] at end of mission 3.

Mission 4
Briefing: the contact wants me to recover a formula he thinks has been "sent to the facility".

[-0.01] Needs clarification: "traces of a file sent to that facility" seems very vague to me; it would seem more authentic if the briefing explained how the contact traced the file to "that facility" (maybe an email referenced it or something?) and what "that facility" actually is. (Kind of nitpicky so only marked off -0.01)

[-0.01] Punctuation: missing period at end of "Good Luck, $name" in send-off message.

[-0.01] Capitalization: "chemical O" should be "Chemical O" in the mission entry popup, to match the way it is capitalized everywhere else in the arc.

Interestingly, this map is full of snake mobs in a group called Infected Workers, instead of Naga.

[-0.01] Objectives: "Find a the formula!!" should be "Find the formula" (drop the 'a' and the exclamation points, since there is a comma right after this objective).

[-0.01] Objectives: "Capture the first head scientist, Capture the second head scientist" sounds quite awkward. I'd suggest accumulating these into "2 head scientists to capture" or something similar.

[-0.01] Typo: reptillian -> reptilian (in Infected Worker's description)

I like the various Mutant Researcher and Mutant Scientist spawns that look specifically placed to utter some dialog (well...animal noises anyway); they help make the mission feel a little more lively (which helps, because this lab seems incredibly huge).

Found Dr. Linda whose dialog suggests that she is transforming from human to lizard right before my eyes; this was actually kinda cool.



[+0.1] Neat dialog: Dr. Linda

Had to beat up Dr. Linda and also Dr. Johnson, then found a glowy labeled "Serum Formula". Clicking this glowy gave me the "Carlson's Call" clue, which actually confused me as I expected to get a clue that described the formula for the serum. I eventually decided it the story was trying to imply that Carlson called me as soon as I found the formula, but I felt this wasn't made clear enough.

[-0.1] Confusing: connection between Serum Formula glowy and Carlson's Call clue needs to be made clearer. Perhaps rename clue to "Serum Formula", then instead of having Carlson call the player, perhaps have the player realize on her own that the formula requires Chemical O.

Clicking the glowy also triggered a "Find Chemical O!" objective, which required me to backtrack extensively.

[-0.1] Gameplay: had to backtrack 3 full levels (i.e. took 3 elevators) from where I found the Serum Formula before I could find Chemical O.

Clicking the chemical glowy completed the mission, which kind of surprised me .... wasn't I still supposed to actually manufacture the antidote? Or is that meant to be implied? This did kind of leave me with a "That was it?" feeling.

[-0.1] Ending felt a bit anticlimactic. Basically finished the mission by clicking a glowy; it actually seemed to me that the fight with Melissa in mission 3 was more dramatic.

Debriefing: the antidote cures everyone except Melissa, who is immune to it for some reason, and according to the debriefing, we may never know why she did this.

[-0.1] Motivation: I think Melissa, as the big bad guy of the arc, needs a bit more motivation for why she started this whole plot. Once she was mostly turned into a lizard, sure, she would want to make everyone into a lizard...but why did she turn herself into a lizard in the first place? What would make her do that?

Pretty good souvenir.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "made off of some" -> "made off with some" (in souvenir)

[-0.01] Typo: "neccessary" -> "necessary" (in souvenir)

[3.74] at end of mission 4

Overall
This seems like a pretty good first attempt at a story arc; looking at the AE tool, this seems to be the author's only arc and had 0 plays so far. With that in mind, it's pretty decent.

That said, there are several places where I'd like to see more writing; several of the briefings and debriefings seemed much too short, and could use more story there. I think I'd like a little more dialog from the mobs in general, too; the first mission in particular was completely silent.

I liked the use of both required and non-required objectives in the final mission (though having to backtrack to find Chemical O was a drag; try to make it spawn nearby if you can), but the ending of the story needed a bit more punch (in my opinion); defeating Melissa (the big bad guy) feels more like it should be the ending to me. I wonder if you could swap missions 3 and 4; foiling the poison plot, then going after Melissa in her lair.

Rounding 3.74 up, I gave this arc 4 stars.

----

My queue is now:

Lazarus - Breaking the Barrier (And Putting it Back Together) #347029 (re-review) (H45-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 04 #269714 (N40-54)
Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
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Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)

I would love it if you could provide me with some feedback on my new arc for Dr. Aeon's challenge.

The info on the arc is:
Suppression
ID: 374481
Author: @Gypsy Rose

I will play your entry in return.

Thanks

Breaking the Barrier (And Putting It Back Together) re-review
Arc ID: 347029
Keywords: Challenging, Complex Mechanics, Save the World
Morality: Heroic
Level range: 45-54
Warnings: EBs, custom powers

The premise is to stop portal technology from going wild and destroying the universe.

This is a re-review, so first I'm going to try and convert my earlier review into a numeric format. (The notes following are from my previous review.)

[5.0] at start.

Mission 1

[-0.1] Confusing: who are Iron Samurai and what are Nagans? Both are immediately mentioned in the briefing, but who they are is unclear from context.

[-0.1] Motivation: hearing about a random event on the police radio feels like a weak adventure hook.

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "Suddenly both of your police scanners go off at once" (briefing)

[-0.01] Typo: "liason" (Iron Samurai's description)

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "They seemed a bit surprised themselves to suddenly be here, as if the teleportation was not planned" (They Just Beamed In clue)

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "This portal and teleportation stuff is still pretty new to us so who knew what would happen?" (Suziku dialog)

[-0.01] Typo: "embarrasing" (Shikaku's dialog)

[-0.1] Needs explanation: "stolen during the Nagan raid on Portal Corp." (what raid?) Could use more background explanation for Nagans in general (for those who haven't played the prequel)

[4.65] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2

[-0.01] Hard to believe: another rift opens up right after closing the first (suspiciously coincidental)

[-0.01] Hard to believe: Portal Corp can track a single teleportation by the Nagans when thousands of players are teleporting around Paragon City every day?

[-0.01] Mission title: "Investigate the Nagan Lair" doesn't match briefing (investigating an endpoint of a teleport jump)

[+0.1] Liked use of optional objectives to make mission more dynamic.

[-0.01] Typo: "simulatenously" (Takala's description)

[4.71] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3

[-0.1] Don't undersand: why does contact ask me to check on Suziku's progress when he seems to already know what she's been doing?

[-0.01] Objectives: "Defeat Malta Commander" is a spoiler when you see it before you even see any Malta.

[+0.1] Characterization: Suziku is fun.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "her training a Roboticist" (Suziku's description)

[-0.01] Involvement: would be nice if "Research Data" clue said something about the content of the research data.

[-0.1] Debriefing is too short.

[4.58] at end of mission 3.

Mission 4

[-0.01] Exposition: shouldn't Suziku be telling how to fix the rift (maybe in "I can fix it!"), not Iron Samurai in his briefing?

[-0.01] Typo: "excusions"

[-0.1] Don't understand: how can you place emitters on "both sides" of the rift when multiple rifts are opening all over Paragon City?

[-0.1] Objectives: I was explicitly sent to meet Suziku, but she isn't in the objectives initially.

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "how to perform the startup checked on the emitters" (Startup Sequence clue)

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "make out some trace of a smile"

[-0.01] Anticlimactic: activating the 4 emitters has underwhelming results

[-0.1] Debriefing much too short.

[4.23] at end of mission 4.

Mission 5

[-0.01] Inconsistent: same devices sometimes called "stabilizers" and other times "emitters".

[-0.01] Don't understand: why did the devices in Paragon City not get activated until after the ones in the Shadow Shard? Seems like the Paragon City ones would've been easier to install by far.

[-0.1] Inconsistent: why does the Malta stabilizer interfere with the Portal Corp stabilizers? Briefing specifically states that multiple stabilizers were set up by Portal Corp. Why would one more set up at a remote location cause this kind of interference? (Feels contrived in order to further the plot.)

[-0.01] Inconsistent: Atlas robot is named "Fenric Nega Praetor 9-0"; this kind of Malta code name is reserved for human operatives normally.

[-0.1] Gameplay: Nagans are supposed to be allies, but some of them attacked me and Suziku.

[-0.1] Don't understand: What are Nagans doing here anyway? Even if they're here to help, how did they know to come here?

[-0.1] Anticlimactic: destroying Malta device didn't seem a dramatic enough ending.

[+0.1] Liked that this story leads up to Nagans cooperating with humans.

[-0.01] Typo: "ethusiastic" (debriefing)

[-0.01] Souvenir title "Formal Letter of Apology" strikes the wrong tone for what player should "take away" from this arc.

[3.88] at end of mission 5.

Overall

[-0.1] Random events plot: too much was driven by random chance.

[-0.1] Don't understand: Why were Malta involved in the story? What was their motivation?

[-0.01] Dangling plot thread: What happened to Shikaku anyway?

[3.67] overall.

----------------

Here follows notes from my re-review. I played a 50 AR/dev blaster heavily slotted with IO sets for +rchg and +hp.

[5.0] at start.

Mission 1

[FIXED] Confusing: who are Iron Samurai and what are Nagans? Both are immediately mentioned in the briefing, but who they are is unclear from context.

[-0.1] Motivation: hearing about a random event on the police radio feels like a weak adventure hook. (still present)

[FIXED] Awkward phrasing: "Suddenly both of your police scanners go off at once" (briefing)

[-0.01] NEW Typo: "your's" -> "your" (briefing)

[-0.01] Typo: "liasons" (Iron Samurai's description) (still present)

[-0.01] NEW Objectives: "Capture Any Nagans"; briefing has no info on Nagans present here, and at the start of the mission we only see Rularuu, how do we even know there are Nagans here to capture? (Perhaps it would make more sense to trigger these after rescuing Julie, who gives you the "Lizard People?" clue first hinting at the Nagan presence)

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "They seemed a bit surprised themselves to suddenly be here, as if the teleportation was not planned" (They Just Beamed In clue) (still present)

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "This portal and teleportation stuff is still pretty new to us so who knew what would happen?" (Suziku dialog) (still present)

[N/A] Typo: "embarrasing" (Shikaku's dialog) (didn't find Shikaku, maybe was cut)

[FIXED] Needs explanation: "stolen during the Nagan raid on Portal Corp." (what raid?) Could use more background explanation for Nagans in general (for those who haven't played the prequel)

Liked the new "Notes on Nagans" clue, found a minor typo:

[-0.01] NEW Typo: discrete -> discreet (in "Notes on Nagans")

[4.84] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2

[-0.01] Hard to believe: another rift opens up right after closing the first (suspiciously coincidental) (still present)

[N/A] Hard to believe: Portal Corp can track a single teleportation by the Nagans when thousands of players are teleporting around Paragon City every day? (mission hook is now detecting a portal instead of a teleport, which seems more believable to me.)

[FIXED] Mission title: "Investigate the Nagan Lair" doesn't match briefing (investigating an endpoint of a teleport jump) (now we are investigating a portal opening, so I buy that we immediately assume it's a Nagan Lair)

[+0.1] Liked use of optional objectives to make mission more dynamic.

[N/A] Typo: "simulatenously" (Takala's description) (Takala seems to have been replaced with another encounter with Suziku)

[4.93] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3

This mission seems completely rewritten, so disregarding my earlier notes on mission 3. Now I'm rescuing Nagans and getting some research data from Dr. Aeon in order to broker a deal with Suziku.

Mission entry popup mirrors my initial thoughts on this mission's premise, "Stealing is ok when it belongs to the bad guys, right?"

Rescued some Nagans (2 lieutenants and a minion) from Arachnos on the first level. One of their guards says:

[NPC] Fortunata: What do you want? Oh heck no, sieze her!

[-0.01] NEW Typo: sieze -> seize (in guard's dialog)

The 3 Nagans are pretty helpful allies, though I worry that the Radiologist, being a minion, is a bit fragile for the amount of aggro she draws. But maybe this is OK, it's not strictly required to keep her alive.

Found the fourth Nagan, the Nagan Shockfist, on the second level, where I also ran into Dr. Aeon. I liked that he used his trademark "Ah-ha-ha-ha!" laugh.

Dr. Aeon spawned as a claws EB for me, which made me immediately think he was just an Aeon clone; I like that "Dr. Aeon" confirms this when I defeat him. With 4 allies, "Aeon" wasn't a pushover but wasn't too hard, either.

Clicking a nearby computer gives me "Dr. Aeon's Research" and completes the mission. Regarding this clue, I like Suziku, but setting her up as a scientific rival to Dr. Aeon may be seen as Mary Sue-ish by some. (I didn't mark off any points for this, but others may feel differently.)

[4.92] at end of mission 3.

Mission 4

[FIXED] Exposition: shouldn't Suziku be telling how to fix the rift (maybe in "I can fix it!"), not Iron Samurai in his briefing? (premise of mission has changed, explained better now)

[N/A] Typo: "excusions" (no longer present)

[FIXED] Don't understand: how can you place emitters on "both sides" of the rift when multiple rifts are opening all over Paragon City? (now we're setting up a force field)

[FIXED] Objectives: I was explicitly sent to meet Suziku, but she isn't in the objectives initially. (now the briefing says to meet a Commander Jansen, who IS in the objectives initially)

Rescuing Jansen gives me the "Paragon City, we have a problem" clue, and a bunch of triggered objectives.

Beat up a hapless Skull, ran into a random superadine lab and phone booth as optional objectives. Rescued a Captive Student, Captive Scientist (I kind of would've expected the Captive Scientist to make some kind of scientific observation about the Rularuu upon being rescued), Captive Bum.

[+0.1] Liked the idea of a bunch of mundane stuff getting sucked into the portals by accident, I thought this was very fun.

Clicked the force field generator and got the "Force Field Activated" clue. Ran into some stray Longbow minions who were just standing around and didn't have any dialog; maybe leftovers from a battle.

[N/A] Awkward phrasing: "how to perform the startup checked on the emitters" (Startup Sequence clue) (this clue is no longer present)

[N/A] Awkward phrasing: "make out some trace of a smile" (this clue is no longer present)

[FIXED] Anticlimactic: activating the 4 emitters has underwhelming results (force field is still just a clicky, but it has a clue, and the addition of the Rifts to destroy and the people to save makes this mission feel more exciting)

[FIXED] Debriefing much too short.

[5.02] at end of mission 4.

Mission 5

This mission seems extensively rewritten, so discarding my previous comments. Now Portal Corp is under attack by Dr. Aeon and Arachnos forces.

[-0.01] NEW Continuity: briefing now mentions "We're about ready to activate the stabilizer emitter array", but didn't mission 4's stabilizer emitter array concept end up getting replaced by a force field generator? So not sure what this is. Maybe they have stabilizer emitters in addition to the force field generator? Reviewing my clues, I couldn't find any reference to this. Maybe I missed something? Felt it could use more explanation.

Found Iron Samurai, he triggered 4 Scientists to rescue and Defeat Dr. Aeon, while saying:

[NPC] Iron Samurai: Dr. Aeon is definitely here, we must find him and rescue any scientists he tries to take with him.

[-0.01] NEW Dialog: the above line feels a little stilted to me. Also, how do we know he's taking scientists with him? Suggest you reword to something like, "His goons were taking Portal scientists captive, we have to stop him!" or something similar.

Rescued Field Tech Suziku, who triggered "Activate the Dimensional Stabilizer Array" and gives me the "We're ready to go!" clue.

[-0.01] NEW Consistency: briefing talks about "Stabilizer Emitter Array" but mission objective and "We're ready to go!" clue both talk of a "Dimensional Stabilizer Array"; should use the same name.

Also rescued a Longbow Nullifier, a Nagan Archer, and a Nagan Psionicist, all optional allies that joined up as well.

Rescued some scientists. I liked this hostage's line:

[NPC] Doc Kryten: I am so sick of being captured, this job is not worth it!

The guards for the hostages and allies seem to imply Dr Aeon is here kidnapping all the portal scientists, both human and Nagan. This helps give Dr Aeon some motivation for this attack (initially I was puzzled as to why he would do this since Rularuu portals seem like they would be bad for him, too).

Found and fought Dr. Aeon?, a spines EB. With my small army of followers, we beat him up, though he's revealed to be a clone and we still have to Defeat Dr. Aeon.

Found the "Control Terminal" which activated the Dimensional Stabilizer Array. Nothing happened when I did this except that I completed one of the objectives, though.

[-0.1] NEW Anticlimactic: I really think something should happen when you click this glowy, since it's supposed to represent saving the world from Rularuu invasion. At the very least it should award a clue with some text that explains the results of activating the Dimensional Stabilizer Array.

Found the real "Dr. Aeon" (an energy blast EB). He has some good exposition about what he's doing here:

[NPC] Dr. Aeon: Take everything that you can, I want all their research data and equipment that we can carry. Grab and neutralize and Nagans you find, but bring Suziku to me unharmed. Her mind would be a terrible thing to waste.

I like this line because it explains what he's up to, but

[-0.01] NEW Typo: "neutralize and Nagans" -> "neutralize any Nagans" (in Dr. Aeon's dialog)

Defeating Dr. Aeon completed the mission.

[+0.1] Good finale: this final mission seemed much more dramatic and fun than previously.

[-0.01] Disappointing: having Dr. Aeon scripted to escape in the debriefing is a little disappointing (negating the value of having defeated him). (Only marked off -0.01 as it is somewhat understandable for the story to want to put its toys back where they were found.)

[-0.01] Typo: "ethusiastic" -> "enthusiastic" (in debriefing)

I do like the revised "Earth-Nagan Treaty, a Rough Draft" souvenir.

[4.96] at end of mission 5

Overall

[FIXED] Random events plot: too much was driven by random chance.

[FIXED] Don't understand: Why were Malta involved in the story? What was their motivation? (Malta replaced by Arachnos)

[N/A] Dangling plot thread: What happened to Shikaku anyway? (Shikaku removed)

This version of the story worked a lot better for me. I did like replacing the Malta antagonists with Dr. Aeon and Arachnos, and felt they had a much better motivation for getting involved. The last two missions seemed particularly improved, with lots more to do in each one.

Rounding 4.96 up, I gave this arc 5 stars on re-review.

----

My queue is now:

Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 04 #269714 (N40-54)
Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
@Gypsy Rose - Suppression #374481 (H5-10)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)

Global Name: @Delightful Dolly
Arc Name: Sisterhood
Arc ID: 123426
Length: Very Long
Morality: hero


Let note kill Lts and Boss first : P

Hope you can do it I can only do it with my mighty tanker haha, but after you get a Ally it should be pretty easy.

If you're still taking requests, I'd like you to try The Hidden Hand Arc# 374410.

No extreme Bosses, EBs, or AVs. It's a story arc, not a scrapper challenge.

I'll run Two Tickets to Westerly later today and send you feedback. I think it's the only one of your MA arcs that I haven't already played.

The Galactic Protectorate - 04 review
Arc ID: 269714
Keywords: Challenging, Custom Characters, Save the World
Morality: Neutral
Level range: 40-54
Warnings: AVs, EBs, custom power selections

The premise is to help alternate versions of CoH's signature heroes fight alien invaders. I played a level 40 elec/elec brute on +0 x1 (no AVs) difficulty. The contact is Ms. Liberty.

[5.0] points to start with.

Mission 1
Briefing: the contact does a quick catch-up on parts 1 through 3, then tells me she wants help rescuing Mynx and Swan. She wants me to check out an alien base, that she think might have some info about Swan.

[-0.1] Don't understand: This is obviously very important to Ms. Liberty; but if so, why isn't she doing it herself? She is, after all, a hero.

The map is full of plant-themed custom mobs in a "GP - Division 10" enemy group. They seem to have plant powers, thorns, and some empathy and poison.

[-0.01] Typo: "ensaring" -> "ensnaring" (Celestial Cultivator's description)

I overhear some mobs say:

[NPC] Cosmic Chimera: Have you heard about the secret lab under Rendezvous Point Wolfsbane? I heard it's really scary!

It's a little inconsistent for the Cosmic Chimera to say this, since its description describes it as non-intelligent. But this is pretty nitpicky and likely the result of random spawning, so I didn't mark off points for this.

I found "Solar-Powered Computer 2" and clicked it. For some reason this did not satisfy the "Find Solar-Powered Computer" objective, which seems odd. Instead it satisfies one of "3 Profiles to Find (Optional)" and gives me the "Profile - Eden: Statistics" clue.

[-0.1] Objectives: It's confusing that some solar-powered computers count towards "Find Solar-Powered Computer" and some don't. Also the contact never specifically asked us to find a solar-powered computer. It may make more sense to call this objective of "Find clue to Swan's location", which would solve both those problems.

[-0.01] Confusing: using "Eden" the name of a planet is easily confused with "Eden" the game zone.

Found Solar-Powered Computer 1 which again didn't count for "Find Solar-Powered Computer", but gave me "Profile - Eden: History". I liked that this explained what Lilans are (it seemed odd to me that natives of Eden weren't called something similar to their planetary name, so this helped).

Found Solar-Powered Computer 3 which again didn't count for "Find Solar-Powered Computer", but gave me "Profile - Eden: New Developments". This seems to imply that all Galactic Protectorate military on Earth are Lilans. I'm not sure this is consistent with the lore in the other Galactic Protectorate arcs (none of the other GP factions so far seemed so heavily plant-themed), but I'm trying to consider each part on its own, so didn't consider that a problem.

I like that there's a decent amount of dialog from the mobs in this mission, though a lot of it seemed a little trivial. General Adonis specifically picked out their outfits? Maybe this is meant to help establish General Adonis's personality somehow. Will see. Of course, not all dialog needs to be relevant to the plot; but it should either be fun or contribute to the story somehow.

Found Solar-Powered Computer (with no number) that did count for "Find Solar-Powered Computer" and gave me "General Adonis' Log: Swan".

[-0.01] Writing: this clue provides useful info, but is written in a style that I felt was a bit too obviously an info dump. I'd suggest trying to write it to sound more natural. (Somewhat nitpicky.)

Defeated the Base Commander and finished the mission.



[4.77] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2
Briefing: so now we're going to storm Rendezvous Point Wolfsbane with some of the human resistance.

[-0.01] Writing: not sure why Ms Liberty keeps saying "*Ahem*"; she makes this noise 4 times during the briefing and send-off. Not sure this adds anything.

[-0.01] Distracting: it was a nice gesture to rename the human resistance after the protagonist, but I confess I'm finding the constant repetition of "$name Freedom Fighters" a little distracting. It also makes me wonder if I should be giving Ms Liberty orders instead of the other way around.

[-0.1] Objectives: The mission is to rescue Swan, but I don't have a "Find Swan" objective or anything like that. Our best info is that Swan should be here, so the lack of a corresponding objective seems a spoiler.

Found and rescued Sister Psyche.

[-0.01] Naming: "Terrestrial Toxician" doesn't sound quite right; "Terrestrial" means pertaining to Earth, so wouldn't be a sensible adjective for an alien scientist, and "Toxician" isn't a word at all; should probably be "Toxicologist".

I end up losing Sister Psyche somewhere in the CoT caves, then I find my way into the Thorn Tree room. Found another Solar-Powered Computer where the Thorn Tree normally is, yielding the "General Adonis' Log" clue (note: may want to add another word to the name of this to match "General Adonis' Log: Swan" clue) which basically says Your Princess is in Another Castle.

[-0.01] Writing: "General Adonis' Log" is too obviously exposition; could stand to be written to sound a bit more natural.

Found and fought Col. Belladonna, which completed the mission.

[-0.1] Needs more content: felt like this mission needed more stuff in it. What are the aliens doing here, other than just waiting for us to attack? Belladonna talked about this place being some sort of alien botany lab; perhaps add some optional objectives representing lab equipment, scientists doing research, computers with research notes and stuff? That would make it feel more like a lab.

[4.53] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: another mission to rescue Swan, following up on the clue from General Adonis' Log. She continues to make "*ahem*" noises; this seems to be the way the story is portraying Ms Liberty, though I still think it is a rather distracting mannerism.

[-0.01] Don't understand: why does Manticore plan this operation and have Ms Liberty relay the plan to us? Ms Liberty is the one who has been pushing to rescue Swan all along.

[-0.1] Doesn't make sense: if Adonis needs a special plant from the Circle of Thorns, it seems like it would make a lot more sense if the plant he needed was the Thorn Tree (i.e. the map from mission 2) than whatever is in this generic forest.

[-0.1] Objectives: my goal here, as stated in the briefing, is to rescue Swan but none of the objectives presented (Meet Ms Liberty, Defeat General, Defeat Camellia) line up with that.



I found and rescued Ms Liberty, which did trigger a "Rescue Swan" objective.

There were a few Division 10 vs. CoT battles, but they ended pretty quickly; the Galactic Protectorate seemed to win every time (probably due to being custom mobs with good powers).

[-0.1] CoT seemed underused here. Would've liked to see more CoT presence here, perhaps giving them some dialog, have them protecting something or else not understanding why Adonis is attacking them for some random plant, and/or a named boss.

Found and fought Gen. Adonis, who was an EB for me.



Adonis rapidly floors my defense with plant attacks, which was kinda scary, but I manage to drain all his END with my electrical powers and defeat him with Ms Liberty's help. He gives me "A Red Rose" as a clue.

[+0.1] Characterization: Liked how Adonis was portrayed as obsessed with aesthetics; this fits well with the dialog from mission 1 that initially had me puzzled.

Found and rescued Swan.

[-0.01] Don't understand: why is it necessary to defeat Camellia at this point? Having rescued Swan and defeated the General, it seems like the mission should be a success at this point.

Teaming up with Ms Liberty and Swan to fight aliens while looking for Camellia is kind of neat, though.

Found and defeated Camellia, who spawned as a boss for me, but seemed tougher than normal (think she maybe had high levels of regen). This finished the mission.

[-0.1] Doesn't make sense: Camellia and several of the other Division 10 mobs were described as secret experiments of Col. Belladonna that were being hidden from Gen. Adonis. But Camellia and the other experimental plant hybrids all appear on the same map with Adonis? How can they possibly be kept a secret from him that way? Maybe Belladonna's secret experiments should be a separate enemy group that is used only in isolation, where Adonis wouldn't be able to learn of their existence.

Debriefing wraps up the story and hints at the plot of the next arc.

[4.21] at end of mission 3.

Overall
A fairly reasonable installment of the Galactic Protectorate storyline. I think people who liked previous installments of the story will like this one, too (and vice versa).

I do think the sub-arcs are getting a little formulaic (the formula appears to be: mission 1 learn some info, mission 2 defeat minor boss, mission 3 defeat big bad guy and rescue contact for next arc), giving them a certain sameness; I'm trying to grade each on its own merits so I didn't consider this in my scoring, but you may want to keep this in mind. I'm actually not sure whether having a formula is a plus or a minus for getting people to play all 6 arcs. The variation in theme of each GP Division does help though.

I think I would've liked more mission details in the middle mission; more stuff to do, maybe showing some of Col. Belladonna's work "in progress" in her secret lab. I also found it a bit strange that Gen. Adonis would be after some special CoT plant that was not the Thorn Tree; he was clearly after something, and I liked the bio-engineered red rose he surrendered.

Rounding 4.21 off, I gave this arc 4 stars.

----

My queue is now:

Gruntle - A Demon's Vengeance #47949 (V5-54)
Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54) (already played, need to write up notes)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
@Gypsy Rose - Suppression #374481 (H5-10)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)
@Delightful Dolly - Sisterhood #123426 (H40-54)
@Peregrine Falcon - The Hidden Hand #374410 (H30-54) (assuming s/he plays one of my arcs)

Thanks for the review of my fourth "Galactic Protectorate" arc, PoliceWoman I'm glad you enjoyed this "chapter" more than you did the previous one

It's true that all of the Galactic Protectorate soldiers you've faced and are going to face in the Galactic Protectorate arcs are Lilans from the planet Eden. I hinted at this in "The Galactic Protectorate - 01" with one of the optional clues in the second mission and the "Equator Engineer" description, but it's only in this arc that I really expanded on it

You also seemed to miss the last clue. When you defeat Camellia, she leaves a clue which corresponds directly with General Adonis' clue, so it's a little disappointing that you seemed to miss it. Of course, it's possible you DID see it, but didn't mention it in your review; if that's the case, I'm sure you'll correct me

In any case, thanks again for the review; I look forward to your review of "The Galactic Protectorate - 05"

A Demons Vengeance review
Arc ID: 47949
Morality: Villainous
Level range: 5-54
Warnings: EBs

The premise is to help a demon against a magic-user he has a grudge against. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the level 5 to 54 level range; it's very rare that an arc can be equally well balanced for a level 5 and a level 50. I played a 40 elec/elec brute with mostly SOs and some IOs, on default difficulty. The contact is a custom model, a demonic looking creature with a chaos symbol.

[5.0] points to start.

[-0.01] Punctuation: "A Demons Vengeance" should be "A Demon's Vengeance" (arc title)

Mission 1
Briefing: the contact wants me to question the CoT regarding the location of a cult that has annoyed him in the past.

[-0.01] Formatting: the caption of this briefing should be in a larger font, or bold, or something else to make it stand out from the rest of the briefing.

[-0.01] Formatting: as currently presented, all the paragraphs kind of run together to make a wall of text; I really recommend you put a blank line between paragraphs, like a paragraph break. (You can use two line breaks to do this.)

[-0.01] Typo: "summoning u-me" probably should be "summoning me"

[-0.01] Phrasing: the two sentences in the briefing starting with "One at least had some talent" and also "Once I escaped" are both overly long and run-on. I'd suggest splitting the first into three sentences (break up between "talent" and "while I was", also between "spell" and "it stripped") and the second also into three sentences (break up between "spell on me" and "even now", and also between "approach them" and "I can however").

[-0.01] Grammar: "The Circle group is lead by a Mage" should be "The Circle group is led by a Mage" (in send-off message)

[-0.01] Phrasing: sentence starting with "They are raiding" is overly long and run-on (4 lines). Break into several sentences.

[-0.01] Objective: "Interrogate Arathos" is identical to the mission title "Interrogate Arathos"; I suggest you rephrase one of them slightly to make them not as repetitive. For example, the mission could be "Find Cult Location" while the objective could be "Interrogate Arathos".

Exploring the office building, I find a treasure chest labeled "The Artifacts" which I grab. Clicking it doesn't really do anything though.

[-0.1] Needs a clue: clicking The Artifacts should give a clue or something, perhaps mentioning something about what the player just stole. Having it do nothing is a bit unsatisfying.

Deeper in the office building I find Arathos, a custom mob in an Egyptian headdress who spawned as a lieutenant for me.

[-0.1] Description needs more writing: currently Arathos' custom description is just "A new force in the Circle of Thorns". I think some more next is needed here.

While I'm approaching Arathos, he says:

[NPC] Arathos: Get the artifacts my minions, we must return to Oranbrega

[-0.01] Typo: "Oranbrega" -> "Oranbega". Also, needs a period at the end of that sentence.

While I fight him, he says:



[NPC] Arathos: Stop that, I'm a sadist not a Masochist

[-0.01] Punctuation: needs a period at the end of the sentence. Also, not sure why Masochist is capitalized but sadist is lowercase; should be the same for both.

When I beat Arathos, he gives me "The Leader Talks" as a clue.

[-0.1] Clue needs more writing: currently this clue literally says "The Circle leader gives you the location of the Cult of the Spectral Eye". This needs more writing to flesh it out. For example, you could say the Cult is located in a secret cave under Skyway City, or something like that. Just saying "he gives you the location" isn't detailed enough.

[-0.1] Gameplay: this mission needed more to do in it. There were 3 floors of office building, but really only one boss to fight and an optional glowy that did not seem to do much. Consider adding more mission details, or using a smaller map.

[-0.01] Mission exit popup needs more writing: "You got the information" is too short and too generic, doesn't really add enough. Try putting some text here that helps convey part of the story.

[-0.1] Debriefing needs more writing: right now it's less than half a line. Should really have some more text here, perhaps elaborating on the information that was found, and what it means for the story.

[4.39] at end of mission 1

Mission 2
Briefing: the contact now wants me to go kill someone named Rathakar the Binder.

[-0.1] Needs explanation: I don't think Rakathar the Binder has ever been mentioned before this. I believe the Mission 1 briefing just mentioned that "one of" the cultists was especially powerful; was this Rakathar? The clues in my journal don't mention him either. The story would flow a bit better if earlier clues or text mentioned Rakathar, or at the very least mission 2's briefing explained a little more about who Rakathar the Binder is. Also the line "if he has a slave bring it to me" really deserves some more explanation too; as presented, it seems rather random and unconnected.

[-0.01] Typo: Mission entry popup calls the boss "Rathakar" but the mission briefing and title call him "Rakathar". Also needs a period at the end of the sentence.

The mission is full of a custom group called "Spectral Eye". It strikes me as a little odd that a group of magical cultists would be in biker jackets and hanging out in an office building, but there are weirder cults out there than that, so going to let that go. Though, since these guys are all members of the "Spectral Eye", you might consider using one of the "Eye" chest logos for them?



[-0.1] Game balance: These missions are labeled 5-54 for level range. I had no problem as a level 40, but with custom enemies, it will be way too hard for a level 5.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "These are the mid level organisers of the cult they tap into the power of the netherworld to back up the cultists who do the dirty work" ... should probably be two sentences or rephrased slightly. (In "Spectral Eye Darker" description. "Darker" is kind of a strange word to use as a noun, also.)

Deep in the mission, I found a Spectral Eye Adept with some dialog. He says:

[NPC] Spectral Eye Adept: Fools I wield power beyond your comprehension!

[-0.01] Punctuation: should be more like "Fools! I wield power beyond your comprehension!"

Defeating the Spectral Eye Adept completes the mission. I guess he was Rakathar? No, wait, he gives "The Adept Speaks" as a clue which says Rakathar is gone.

[-0.1] Confusing: defeating the Adept completes the "Defeat Rakathar" objective, but he IS NOT Rakathar, he just gives the "Your Princess is in Another Castle" speech.

[-0.1] Gameplay: This mission didn't have enough stuff in it. The Spectral Eye Adept seemed to be the only mission detail, and was the only mob with any dialog or clues. Could really use some patrols with dialog, or some sort of optional objectives or other items of interest. Or alternatively, you could possibly cut this mission and have the CoT immediately direct you to the "secret fortress" that Rakathar supposedly has gone to.

[-0.1] Debriefing needs more writing; currently, less than half a line. I'd recommend adding some text here reviewing what happened during the mission and where the story is going from here.

[3.86] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: the contact wants me to travel to the secret fortress and get the slave of Rakathar.

[-0.1] Don't understand: why is the slave of Rakathar so important? He even says "I want the slave more than I want him dead." Why? This has not been made clear.

[-0.1] Don't understand: how do we know where the secret fortress is? Was the Adept meant to have told us?

[-0.01] Typo: "defeats all who oppose you" -> "defeat all who oppose you"

[-0.01] Mission accept message is the default "Accept"; should customize this to something appropriate for this mission.

[-0.01] Inconsistent: Mission title is "Defeat Rakathar" and the sole objective is "Rakathar the Binder", but the contact says again and again that it's more important to get Rakathar's slave, so this doesn't match.

[-0.01] Objective: "Rakathar the Binder" is the default objective name and should be rephrased to something with a verb, like "Defeat Rakathar" or "Defeat cult leader".

[-0.01] Redundant: this mission title and objective is basically identical to those of mission 2. This makes the story feel a little repetitive, which can be a turn off for players.

Entering the Midnight Club map I find Rakathar the Binder in the conference room and defeat him.

[-0.1] Missing text: Rakathar's description is just three words, "Finally your Quarry". Should really give some more background detail here, since he is important to the story.

Defeating Rakathar and his guard gives me the "Rathakar makes you an offer" clue and completes the mission.

[-0.01] Inconsistent: the actual mob is named "Rakathar", but the clue calls him "Rathakar". You may need to settle on one spelling and use it throughout the arc.

[-0.01] Formatting: the clue clearly has paragraphs but could use an extra blank line between those paragraphs. You can add these with a double line break, <br><br>.

[-0.01] Typo: "I sold here" should be "I sold her" (in "Rathakar makes you an offer").

[-0.1] Gameplay: This mission needs more to do in it; Rakathar was the only mission detail I could find, and the only mob that had any dialog.

[3.38] at end of mission 3

Mission 4
Briefing: the contact wants me to go after Rakathar's slave and beat up the Family boss who now has her.

[-0.01] Mission accept message is the default "Accept"; should customize this to something appropriate for this mission.

The mission is in a cargo ship filled with custom "Benedetto Familia" mobsters.

[-0.01] Seems redundant: why create a custom Benedetto Familia when we already have an existing Family enemy group?

[-0.01] Objective: "Sister Agony" is the default objective text, should be rephrased into something with a verb, like "Capture Sister Agony" or "Rescue Sister Agony".

I found and rescued Sister Agony, who becomes an ally.



[-0.1] Missing text: Sister Agony's description is just four words, "The Slave - Sister Agony", two of which are her name. Should really give some more background detail here, since she is important to the story.

This does trigger "Teach Don Casale a lesson" as an objective, though I'm not too sure why he wasn't an objective to begin with. I end up having to backtrack a bit to find him.

[-0.1] Don't understand: why is Don Casale triggered by rescuing Sister Agony? If he was already on ths ship, couldn't I have defeated him independently of rescuing her? The contact did tell me he would be here and that he wants me to kill him.

Defeating Don Casale completed the mission.

Debriefing: the contact thanks me for rescuing Sister Agony and warns me not to use her against him.

[-0.1] Ending seems unsatisfying: since this is a villainous arc, what did I get out of doing this?

[-0.01] Formatting: Souvenir needs paragraph breaks (add a double line break between paragraphs).

[-0.01] Typo: "the cults leader" -> "the cult's leader" and "the cults headquarters" -> "the cult's headquarters" (in souvenir)

[-0.01] Typo: "the slaves location" -> "the slave's location" (in souvenir)

[-0.01] Typo: "it's location" -> "its location" (in souvenir)

[-0.01] Phrasing: "who transpired to be her Mate", don't think "transpired" is used correctly here; perhaps "who turned out to be her mate" (in souvenir)

[-0.01] Typo: "keeo his secret" -> "keep his secret" (in souvenir)

[2.99] at end of mission 4

Overall
Not bad, but could use some more writing in places; there were several mob descriptions and debriefings that could use more text in them. Most of the missions could use more mission details; the first three really only have the boss of each mission as an objective.

I'd really recommend constraining the level range, some, also; the custom mobs weren't too bad, but would be too hard for a level 5. Perhaps level 22-54 would be more reasonable?

Anyway, I gave this arc 3 stars. Hope you think that's fair!

----

My queue is now:

Tubbius - Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City #351727 (H30-54)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
@Gypsy Rose - Suppression #374481 (H5-10)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)
@Delightful Dolly - Sisterhood #123426 (H40-54)
@Peregrine Falcon - The Hidden Hand #374410 (H30-54)

Hammer and Sickle of Paragon City review
Arc ID: 351727
Keywords: Custom Characters, Drama
Morality: Heroic
Level range: 30-54

(Note: I played this on 2/12/2010. Arc may have changed since then.)

The premise is to stop the 5th Column from breaking up a heroic duo. I played a 50 AR/dev blaster, heavily IO'd for recharge, on default difficulty. The contact is a custom character in a suit named "The Professor".

[5.0] to start.

Mission 1
Briefing: the contact asks me to find out what happened to a pair of heroes that went up against the 5th Column.

[-0.01] Formatting: caption for mission should be in larger font or bolded for emphasis.

[-0.1] Custom contact should introduce himself and explain how he's connected to this. Why should I trust this Professor that I've never met? How does he know Hammer and Sickle and what they're up to?

[-0.01] Objectives: I was sent here to rescue Hammer and Sickle, but I only have "Rescue American Hammer" as an objective. Why don't I have "Rescue Sickle" as an objective?

I quickly found American Hammer and rescued him; this triggered "Defeat Toxin" as an objective and gave me the "American Hammer" clue.

[-0.1] Don't understand: What happened to Sickle? "American Hammer" clue implies that Toxin is responsible, but he never says what exactly happened. It doesn't seem like something he'd hold back. Could use some more explanation of who Toxin is, too.

Found Toxin, who spawned as a lieutenant for me. American Hammer (who was a boss) quickly crushed him with just a little help from me. Toxin said something about escaping from Crey, but he was a 5th Column mob.

[-0.01] Costume: Toxin was dressed in red and white which initially made me think he was a Longbow. If he's meant to be a 5th Column mob, he should really use their color scheme (black/grey/red).

Defeating Toxin gave me the "A Missing Blade" clue and triggered a "Recover Information" objective.

[-0.1] Don't understand: "A Missing Blade" says New York Sickle is Toxin's latest victim; if this is the case, why do I "need to interrogate the villain who has taken her" to find out where she is? I've just defeated Toxin, couldn't I interrogate him? Surely Toxin should know what he did with Sickle.

Backtracking a bit, I found a Computer Terminal that satisfied "Recover Information", giving me the "Computer Information" clue and completing the mission. This information doesn't seem particularly helpful for finding Sickle, so not sure why it was a required objective.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "congratulations on your job well done" -> "congratulations on a job well done" (in debriefing)

[4.66] at end of mission 1.

Mission 2
Briefing: Hammer ends up interrogating Toxin to no avail. Instead we come up with a new method of enhanced interrogation, directly connecting Toxin's brain to the AE system. There's a lot of technobabble about how this works and what limitations there might be.

[-0.1] Don't understand: how does re-playing Toxin's origin story in AE actually contribute to finding Sickle?

[-0.01] Don't understand: how does the contact know we should be looking for a filing cabinet? Story has already established that Toxin wasn't willing to say anything.

Found the aforementioned filing cabinet in the very first room; it gave me "Toxic Warfare Files", which seems to imply the Crey were working with Toxin. This seems inconsistent with the fact that Toxin is actually a prisoner here? (Later clarified by the "Zero for One" clue, though.)

Rescued The Mechanic, a boss ally who gave me the "Power On!" clue. I like his costume. Superstrength/kinetics/flying seems like weird power choices for an electronics genius; I guess we're "in a simulation" though so he could have any powerset he wanted.

Found a weapon rack that gave me the "High Tech Weapons" clue and triggered "Recover Chemical Samples" as an objective.



Found Toxin (spawned as a lieutenant for me) and defeated him, getting the "Zero for One: A Rookie's First Outing" clue. The Mechanic (a boss) made Toxin awfully easy.

[-0.1] Game balance: in both last mission and this mission, I had a boss ally but the bad guy of the mission was only a lieutenant, which made the fight pretty trivial.

Clicking on a "Refrigerated Toxins Locker" gave me the "Two Mysteries" clue and completed the mission.

[-0.01] Involvement: would be nicer if the player could understand the significance of the chemicals and the note, rather than requiring her to just take them back to the Professor to have him explain.

This mission developed Toxin's back story, but even after the debriefing, I'm not sure how this mission contributed towards finding Sickle. We already knew he had toxic and psychic powers, after all.

[4.44] at end of mission 2.

Mission 3
Briefing: the contact conjectures that the 5th Column would like to steal ammunition for the Crey chemical weapons from Steel Canyon University.

[-0.1] Hard to believe: This seems like a huge leap of logic. Why would Steel Canyon University be storing chemical weapons, and what makes us think the 5th Column would go after the university instead of, for example, another Crey facility, considering Crey is the manufacturer of these chemical weapons?

[-0.1] Plot problem: this mission seems to have nothing to do with rescuing Sickle and the contact admits it. Why is investigating Toxin's back story more important than finding and rescuing Sickle?

[-0.01] Awkward phrasing: "Go recover that ammunition before the 5th Column tries to take it before you do" doesn't scan. Perhaps "Go recover the chemicals before the 5th Column gets them."



Inside the mission, I quickly locate the barrel of chemicals, but apparently someone has already stolen them. Clicking the barrel triggers "Defeat Tovarisch".

[-0.01] Objectives: Who is Tovarisch? Has not been mentioned before now, so why do I think I need to defeat him? Perhaps "Find who stole the chemicals" would be a more logical objective.

[-0.01] Tovarisch, being the Russian word for comrade, is a very odd name for a 5th Column operative. (Also potentially confusing with the Rogue Isles Villain called "Comrade".) Based on his description, maybe he should be in his own villain group, "Mercenaries" or something.

When I fight him, he says:

[NPC] Tovarisch: A heroic spy! Seize the spy!

[-0.01] Dialog: it might make sense for him to call a hero infiltrating a 5th Column base a spy, but it does NOT make sense when in Paragon City University.

Defeating Tovarisch gives me "A Friend in Need?" as a clue; not sure why this clue is named that, since Tovarisch is not a friend.

[4.20] at end of mission 3.

Mission 4
Briefing: the contact says at great length he is sending some kind of badass ally to help me out, but does not actually explain what the mission is.

[-0.1] Diminishes the player: the contact talks up this new ally he's sending to help me enough that I think it reduces the importance of the player in the story.

Send-off message: the contact finally explains the mission. We're to intercept a 5th Column ship heading for Striga Isle, look for Sickle, work with Pistola, then make sure Pistola (who is apparently a Council operative?) doesn't try to take advantage of the situation.

[-0.1] Doesn't make sense: If we don't trust Pistola, it seems like a pretty bad idea to deliberately recruit Pistola as an ally for an important mission.

[-0.01] Phrasing: "biological warfare" should be "chemical warfare" (I think the weapons described so far are chemical, not biological? if not, needs to be made clearer.)

[-0.1] Inconsistent: the contact very clearly listed three objectives, but the nav tool only lists two objectives when I enter. Should have an objective to look for Sickle.

I quickly stealthed to the Experimental Weapons and captured them without a fight. (That seemed too easy.) I'm a little puzzled as to why the 5th Column aren't actually carrying these weapons around, since they went to all the trouble of acquiring the weapons and special ammo, but will let that go.

Now that I've recovered the weapons, my only remaining objective is to Find Pistola. But Pistola is only here to help me find the weapons, so why isn't the mission over at this point?

[-0.1] Don't understand: Why is finding Pistola a required objective? The contact clearly told me not to trust him, so if I can recover the weapons without him, shouldn't that be a good idea?

After searching the ship, I eventually find Manual Pistola and free him. This proves to be a bad idea as he immediately says:

[NPC] Manuel Pistola: Those guns are going to the Council, hero!
[NPC] Manuel Pistola: The Column are predictable. They likely have their plans written down somewhere easily visible.

and starts attacking me. The order he said these messages didn't quite make sense; I'm guessing the second line is meant to foreshadow the "Find Information" objective that he triggers and the first line is his betray message, and he instantly betrayed me because I found the weapons before I found him. The fact that he instantly betrays me, kind of reinforces to me the idea that he shouldn't be a required objective.

Stealthing around some more, I found a whiteboard that gave me "Map of Striga Isle" and ended the mission.

[-0.1] Needs more content: this mission map felt light on content, being a big ship full of 5th Column with no dialog, and only 3 objectives (two of which were simple glowy clicks). Suggest you add some optional objectives; perhaps a patrol with some dialog, a 5th Column boss, maybe some 5th Column special operatives equipped with the experimental chemical weapons; basically, more stuff to make this mission seem more alive.

[3.69] at end of mission 4.

Mission 5
Briefing: so Sickle has been found and she's been brainwashed into joining the 5th Column. American Hammer and I are sent to go after her.

Entering the mission, I find American Hammer and free him; he becomes a Boss level ally. He gives the "Vengeance" clue.

We find New York Sickle who fights us.



She spawns as a boss and has build up and some regen, but we take her down. This gives the "New York Sickle" clue which suggests "You can only hope that there is an antidote" and triggers "Find Medical Supplies for New York Sickle".

[-0.01] Doesn't make sense: what makes us think there's an antidote? "You can only hope that there is an antidote" seems like a pretty weak reason. Would be stronger if New York Sickle gasped something about an antidote as you drop her, or if Toxin or Tovarisch said something earlier about an antidote. Needs more foreshadowing.

Found a Medical Supplies glowy that gave me an "Antivenom Medical Supplies" clue.

[-0.01] Involvement: Would be nicer if the player could use the antidote on Sickle, rather than having to take it back to the Professor first.

[-0.1] Needs more content: Rescuing Hammer and Sickle wasn't bad, but I felt like this mission needed something more, especially being the final mission. Maybe a 5th Column boss that was controlling Sickle, some patrols talking about the recently converted hero and how they're going to wipe the floor with the Council now, more guys armed with chemical weapons (unless the idea is that we've already captured them all), maybe some hints of what evil!Sickle is up to (perhaps optional glowies with battle plans against the Council, or other clues hinting at what the 5th Column is doing here other than just waiting for us to beat them up).

[3.57] at end of mission 5.

Overall
I liked the overall idea of rescuing Sickle from the 5th Column. I thought the plot went off track in missions 2 and 3 which didn't clearly contribute to locating Sickle; it felt like we ended up abandoning Sickle and pursuing an unrelated toxic weapons subplot, and only end up locating Sickle by accident while chasing down the chem weapons. Felt like missions 4 and 5 needed a little something more to make them more exciting.

Rounding 3.57 up, I gave this arc 4 stars.
----

My queue is now:

Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 05 #304290 (N40-54)
StyrofoamKing - one of Save the Villain #364597 (N1-54), Shadow of the Red Death #367071 (H5-40), Betrayal in Rome #369445 (N35-54)
@Gypsy Rose - Suppression #374481 (H5-10)
Mirror_Man - Galactic Protectorate 06 #304290 (N40-54)
@Delightful Dolly - Sisterhood #123426 (H40-54)
@Peregrine Falcon - The Hidden Hand #374410 (H30-54)

I don't know if you do multi-part arcs, but if you do, I'd like you to try my Operation Oedipus arcs, Glory of our Empire (372767) and Day of Infamy (375443). They can be done seperately, and I've tried to make them work better that way, but the story I'm trying to tell just didn't compress well enough for one.

Arc Title: Operation Oedipus: Glory of our Empire (part 1 of 2)
Arc ID: 372767
Factions: Malta
Morality: Heroic
Length: 5 missions
Level Range: 41-54
Synopsis: Malta's made a dangerous enemy. A man called Vasiliy says he knows how to take down the most dangerous organisation in Paragon City, and he needs your help to do it. Is it possible, and will it be worth the cost? (warning: grim)

Arc Title: Operation Oedipus: Day of Infamy (part 2 of 2)
Arc ID: 375443
Factions: Malta, custom enemies
Morality: Heroic
Length: 4 missions
Level Range: 41-54
Synopsis: Malta's been hurt, but desperation makes for a deadly foe. Will you do what it takes to finish the job, and can you trust a man out for revenge at any cost? (warning: grim)

Right now I'm looking for feedback more than ratings. Of particular concern are some of the boss fights I tried to make more interesting and dynamic, since that often seems to cause problems.

Hi PW

Thanks for the review, entirely fair, part of the reason I wanted it was to catch all the mistakes I missed.

I'll go back, correct them and make a few changes (Mainly use the family rather than a custom mob, I used the custom because when I wrote the arc you got no xp for doing missions too far below you)

Thanks again, would you be prepared to replay it once I tidy it up?