First time try at writing fiction
By
CosmicFlux,
Posted on: 2007-08-23 09:42 in Multi-Media Fan Creations
/em clap!
I like the concept. Also how you had Alex create the ink out of salvage was a wonderful touch! 
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/em clap!
I like the concept. Also how you had Alex create the ink out of salvage was a wonderful touch!
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Hehe thanks, I am happy you noticed that part. Stay tuned to the next installment, one piece of the salvage used to create Hero Kilo plays a small part in the story.
Nice intro Kilo! I liked the pacing and blend of back story and action. Good stuff.
=^_^=b
Very nice !
I always like to see in game concepts well integrated into a story.
Looking foward to the rest
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Kilo vs Kilo!!
Very enjoyable read.
Sadly, Cosmic Firefly has no real backstory to her, even after 50 levels. Though, what's funny is some of her story and where her power comes from emerged when I wrote a backstory for Ebon Firefly on the red side.
One of these days, I'm going to have to use that information to write up a story for Cosmic.
I'm looking forward to the next part, Kilo. Great work!
Cos
Very good! I like the emotion between Alex and the created Kilo. We get a good sense of the characters without knowing much about them. Cool concept and you ended it well. Makes us want more.
Really cool to see the concept you expressed finally put down on "paper" ... really nice!
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Wow! And this year's Pulitzer Prize goes to...
Nice job, fella!
oooh very nice! But what happens next? Must know! Post MORE!!!
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oooh very nice! But what happens next? Must know! Post MORE!!!
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I'm working on it. Sorry I hope you don't mind I used your character without permission but I wanted it to be a surprise.
No worries mate! Just as long as you don't dress him up as a clown, feel free, and maybe don't kill him in a gruesome way...
No, no, if Imagesbyalex gets dressed up as a clown, that will be the villainous Kilo's doing. Though, I get the sense that he's more into just smashing his enemies and leaves the costume parties to the masterminds. Oh, and the Joker. The Joker would dress Alex up as a clown. Hero Kilo too, with daisies decorating his iron jaw.
Cos
Very nice plot going here Kilo!~
Can't wait for Part 2.
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Part 2
The villainous Kilotonnage stood in the doorway of the bank. His knuckles cracked with the force he was using to hold his stone mallet. His glowing green eyes locked on the heroic Kilotonnage who was quickly looking back at the unconscious form of Imagesbyalex.
Creator
Alex are you alright!?! The seconds he took his own glowing green eyes off of the rogue Troll were costly.
Did I mention, I dont fight fair? CRACK! The stone mallet landed squarely on the heroes iron jaw as he was turning back towards the villain. The blow sent him sailing through the teller windows shattering the bulletproof glass into a million pieces.
The villainous Kilotonnage stepped into the bank to survey the damage he had done to his doppelganger. With each step the earth itself flowed up from the ground and over his body to form a protective armor about his body. He headed towards the smashed section of the tellers desk where the hero had landed.
As he approached the rubble it shifted. The heroic Kilotonnage rose from underneath the wreckage. His eyes locked with the villain who noticed that the green glow was starting to turn red.
Now I am MAD!! Fully under the influence of rage, the rubble covered hero formed rock armor around himself the same way his nemesis did. He then disappeared, at least thats what it looked like he did , only to reappear right by the villains side and land a devastating punch. The hero had actually merged with the earth beneath his feet and moved through it at astonishing speed. To the naked eye this ability to travel would appear to be a form of teleportation. The heroic Kilotonnage followed his rage fueled punch with a jab and then a haymaker as a set up for a huge uppercut. That last blow sent the villain through the roof of the bank in a high arc that ended in him crashing to the street outside. Being a seasoned fighter, the villainous Kilotonnage picked himself up and willed the earth itself to engulf his feet, rooting him to the ground. At that very instant the heroic Kilotonnage appeared beside the villain to continue his assault.
Imagesbyalex slowly stirred. It took a few seconds after he regained consciousness to realize where he was and what had happened. Clutching his ribs he staggered to the doorway of the bank. Not only did his injuries make the walk an unsteady one, but the fact that the ground itself was quaking from the awesome violence the two Trolls were engaged in didnt help. BOOM!!! The windows of the bank shattered pelting his face and body leaving behind a multitude of small cuts. Alex grabbed one of his pencils and a sheet of parchment from a compartment on his belt. He quickly sketched a suit of hi-tech armor which immediately sprang off the page and covered him completely. With the protection provided by the armor he finished the trip to the front door.
The streets outside the bank resembled a war zone. The ground was torn up in multiple places, glass from the surround buildings, which were crumbling, was everywhere. In the middle of it all were the two Trolls. Alex watched as his heroic creation threw punch after punch at his adversary. The villainous Kilotonnage seemed to be blocking, weaving and letting his rock armor deflect most of the blows.
Ooooohh Kilo, he is rope-a-doping you. Alex knew his friend didnt realize this under the effects of his rage. As he watched the fighting his worse fear was realized. The heroic Kilotonnages glowing red eyes slowly turned green again. He was crashing from his adrenaline fueled madness. The hero now exhausted, let his arms drop to his sides.
Thats all you got punk?! The villainous Kilotonnage screamed as he swung his mallet connecting with his enemies shoulder. The next blow was a stone encrusted fist sent right upside the heroes head.
Imagesbyalex watched as the villain hit his creation with blow after blow from hammer and fists both. It appeared that each attack was more powerful than the last. He knew he was not imaging it since he felt the concussive force from the assault increasing. It was as if the villain was getting stronger with each attack.
Just when Alex thought the beating could get no worse, he winched as the villain raised his leather boot and brought it down with such force that the entire street shook with a mini earthquake. The heroic Kilotonnage was swept from his feet by the shaking. The villainous Kilotonnage swung his mallet in a vicious uppercut that connected with the hero while he was still in mid-air. The blow sent the hero crashing into a nearby building. The villain ran into the building hammer swinging.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!! Alex heard the attack continue inside the building. He limped as fast as he could across the street yelling at people to run as far away from the building as they could. He watched in horror as the building, already in a weakened state from the Trolls street battle, started to crumble on top of them.
BA-BOOOOOOM!!! The building came straight down showering Alex in dust and debris. It took several minutes before the air cleared. Imagesbyalex stood stunned as he saw what was left of the building. It was nothing more than a mountain of rubble. He made his way towards the heap to look for any sign that the two combatants survived the collapse.
A low rumbling sound came from the pile of brick and steel. Alex observed the mound start to shift as if something underneath was trying to push its way out. As he held his breath he saw a huge chunk of the building rise up and crash to the ground as something crawled out of the wreckage. It was huge, at least nine feet tall and covered completely in pieces of granite. In one hand it held a huge stone mallet and in the other it held the limp body of his creation, the heroic Kilotonnage.
As Alex watched, the granite giant threw the body to the street and then made his way down the heap to stand over the unconscious hero. The pieces of granite then fell away to reveal the Troll underneath.
There is only one Kilotonnage, and thats me. The villains glared at Alex. His piercing gaze narrowed in confusion as he spoke.
Who is this clown, why does he look like me and why did he call you creator before? The villain studied Alexs expression as it took a far away appearance as if he was thinking about something that happened in the past. Indeed he was at that very moment thinking of the salvage items that went into making the ink he used to create the Heroic Kilotonnage. Stable Protonium, Superadine Extract and the Bio Sample. The Bio Sample, was the first piece of salvage he obtained when he had the idea to create a heroic version of the villainous Kilotonnage. He remembered back to the day he retrieved it for his ink. It came from the Brickstown Bank that Alex had observed the villain robbing on the TV. He traveled to the bank after the newscast and with the permission of the Paragon City Police took a sample of the villains tissue that was left behind after his battle with Longbow agents. The Bio Sample was in fact the villainous Kilotonnages DNA. Alexs attention snapped back to reality and the present time.
His name is Kilotonnage and calls me creator because I made him. He looks like you because he IS you. As the last word left Alexs lips, the eyes of the prone hero at the feet of the villainous Kilotonnage opened wide. He was looking straight up at the villain when he spoke.
And that means like you, I dont fight fair. He raised his leg and hammered home his leather boot straight into the villains groin with all his super strength. SPLAT!
OOooooooooo
The villain groaned as his eyes rolled back in his head and foam spilled over the edge of his iron jaw and he pitched face first to the ground, unconscious. Alex couldnt help it but he had subconsciously crossed his legs when he saw what his friend had did to the villain. His face scrunched up in sympathy pain.
Thats gotta hurt. He said as he offered his hand to help the heroic Kilotonnage to his feet. The sounds of police and rescue sirens could be heard approaching.
Hes a pretty smart fighter, I bet he will be wearing a cup next time we fight. Said the hero as he took Alexs hand and stood up.
I dont know about that but I do know his voice is going to be higher pitched next time we hear it. Alex broke into a big smile as the Troll started laughing, nuts and bolts flying from his damaged iron jaw. The PPD pulled up at that moment and started to load the villainous Kilotonnage into a special van for transport to the Ziggurat.
Come on pal lets go get that cup of coffee I promised you. But first I got to stop at the hardware store. Alex had a sly look on his face.
For what? Asked Kilotonnage looking at his friend.
For a can of WD40 so the coffee doesnt rust your jaw. Alex slapped his creation on the back as they both laughed and started walking towards the nearest diner.
**Fini**
Very Nice Kilo. I definately like some of the small details you put in. As they saying goes, the Devils in the details and they can turn a flat story into something you can feel. You do a good job of that.
I agree with others, I especially like the use of 'in game mechanics' in writing, the use of salvage and the like. I look forward to seeing more writing by you.
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Great conclusion Kilo!! My only criticism is Alex's flashback felt a bit out of place given that was the height of the dramatic tension of the strory. I wanted to know what Kilotannage and Alex was going to do next, not learn more about the ink. Thankfully Kilo's come back supported the flashback and created a very humourous moment, but the flashback still feels poorly placed or timed. It would have been better to mention the shared DNA in the first part of the story or while Alex was staggering from the bank. It seemed out of character for a trained and experienced hero to have a slightly whimsical flashback when faced by a villian that has just beat down your super strong best friend. 
But great stuff Kilo! I really enjoyed the story and the writing was great.
=^_^=
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Great conclusion Kilo!! My only criticism is Alex's flashback felt a bit out of place given that was the height of the dramatic tension of the strory. I wanted to know what Kilotannage and Alex was going to do next, not learn more about the ink. Thankfully Kilo's come back supported the flashback and created a very humourous moment, but the flashback still feels poorly placed or timed. It would have been better to mention the shared DNA in the first part of the story or while Alex was staggering from the bank. It seemed out of character for a trained and experienced hero to have a slightly whimsical flashback when faced by a villian that has just beat down your super strong best friend.
But great stuff Kilo! I really enjoyed the story and the writing was great.
=^_^=
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I see your point. It was my intention to surprise the reader with the revelation of the villians DNA being part of the salvage. I thought the best time for that was before Alex's speech about how the hero was basically a clone of the villain for the surprise factor.
I think I should have made it clearer that Alex's flashback was a split second. Re-reading it I see where I failed since I wrote Alex had a far away look. Thanks for the critisim I appreciate the help.
I am trying my hand at writing. This is my first attempt so be kind. I am very OCD when it comes to my characters and with the upcoming feature to transfer servers I wanted to write an explination of why there might be two characters named Kilotonnage on one server. Thats if I decide to move the Villain version to the same server as the Hero and I have to change one of their names etc.
Here is part one of the story I like to call:
Youve got to fight, for your right, to RAAAAVE!!
Setting: Kings Row bank robbery
Players: Imagesbyalex Illusion/Kinetics Controller and the Heroic Kilotonnage Stone Armor/Super Strength Tanker.
Imagesbyalex was intent on watching the Pargon City Police officers taking away the supervillain he helped apprehend. As they loaded the villain into a SWAT van and drove away his gaze wandered to the bank window and the city streets of Kings Row.
It never ends does it? He mumbled under his breath.
We are making a difference are we not Creator? Alex turned towards the voice that came from behind him. The corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards as he addressed the nearly seven foot tall green, muscle bound, horned and tattooed Troll behind him.
Now Kilo, what did I tell you about calling me Creator? Alex detected the slightest hint of red flush the Trolls emerald cheeks as he opened his hinged metal lower jaw to stammer a response.
Sorry Alex, old habits die hard. Kilotonnages metallic voice got lower with each word and he was having trouble looking directly at Alex.
Alexs half smile turned to a full one as he surveyed the truly miraculous being before him. He thought to himself how far had they truly come from the days when Kilotonnage was nothing more than an idea he had. An idea of using his power to create a free willed simulacrum that could fight by his side. Alex learned from an early age that he could create semi-solid illusionary drawings that would exist and do his bidding as long as he concentrated on them.
One day while watching the news, Alex got his first glimpse of the Villainous Kilotonnage. The reporter was covering a Brickstown bank robbery and the carnage and mayhem that the rogue Troll had caused. Fascinated by the sheer power of the Villain made Alex think, What if a Villain like Kilotonnage was on the side of good instead of evil? This thought became an obsession. Knowing his ability to make his drawings come to life wasnt enough. He knew that his creations stopped existing as soon as he stopped concentrating on them. He wanted more for this drawing; he wanted it to exist beyond his concentration, to be a free-willed creation on the side of good.
To make his dream a reality Alex devised a complex plan based around the ink he would use for the drawing. He was able to secure three pieces of scientific salvage crucial to the formula he was creating. The first was a Bio Sample dropped by Trolls. This odd tissue sample had been mutated beyond recognition and was quite useful for Alexs plan. The second was Superadine Extract, the critical component of Superadine the drug that mutates the Trolls. The third and last item was Stable Protonium, a rare element that radiates great power but is safe. Combining the salvage and mixing it to make his special ink he proceeded to draw an image of Kilotonnage doing heroic things. The image, just like all the rest Alex created, came to life. Unlike his usual illusions, this one was a solid sentient creation capable of free thought, will and existence.
On that day the heroic Kilotonnage joined the ranks of the costumed crime fighters of Paragon City. He was a new force on the side of good, battling evil exactly as he was created to do.
Its Ok Kilo, and to answer your question, yes we are making a difference. It just feels like for every villain we arrest, two pop up to take his place. Its just frustrating sometimes.
Kilotonnages gaze slowly wandered from the floor where it had been and he looked Alex in the eye. Alex didnt like the expression on Kilos face. He really didnt want to depress the Troll with his thoughts.
Hey look on the brightside Kilo, without all those villains you would have never earned your Hero of the City badge. He winked and he could swear that he saw a smile on Kilotonnages face even though the Trolls iron jaw makes that expression impossible for him.
Come on pal, let me go buy you a cup of coffee. Alex said as he turned and walked through the door of the bank they had just saved from robbery. As he stepped through the doorway he turned his gaze from the chuckling Kilotonnage to the street outside the bank just in time to see a huge mallet made of stone and earth come swinging in an arc directly at him.
Oh shi Was all Alex could get out before the impact.
BOOM!!!! The Mallet struck the hero directly in the chest sending him hurtling back into the bank. Kilotonnage watched stunned as his creators body went sailing past him only stopping when it crashed into the banks vault door with a sickening crunch. Every muscle in Kilotonnage's body tensed as he swung around to see who had attacked his friend. When his eyes fell upon the being standing in the doorway holding the mallet, his iron jaw dropped open.
It was like he was staring into a mirror. There in the doorway was a seven foot tall muscular, horned, iron jawed Troll that looked exactly like him. It took him only a second to realize that this was the villainous Kilotonnage. The Troll that Imagesbyalex used as the model for the drawing that he was created from. As he stared at his evil counterpart he saw the Troll open his metallic jaw to speak.
So you are the guy impersonating me. I am here to tell you that ends today.
**End part 1**