A Humorous Endeavor: The Expendables Issue One
By
Catministrator,
Posted on: 2006-07-05 01:17 in Multi-Media Fan Creations
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For a change, I'd like to hear(read) your opinion. Your feedback is appreciated.
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Too small to read.
Ok, this should make it better. Not the quality of the comic, unfortunately.
Page One/ Cover
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four
Page Five
Page Six
Page Seven
Page Eight
Page Nine
Page Ten
Page Eleven
Page Twelve
Page Thirteen
Page Fourteen
Page Fifteen
Now, hopefully, you'll read it and give me an opinion.... If it works..
Some of the shots are too dark for me -- but I have the gamma pushed for playing so I may have a slight problem in that area.
Other than that, I laughed, I cried, I laughed till I cried.
Some absolute Gems:
Capt. Target
Steve Evilman
Sock!
Pants!
"morons trying to break into a park bench" which I can barely type without laughing.
Quite amusing, if a little slow.
Pretty good overall <^-^> I'll mention a few things though; because they marr the comedy >.< just because they're a bit jarring.
You have several sentences that are hard to read because while they make sense... they don't 'flow' right... I'll lay out some examples:
"The only reason the ransom was never met, was because of all the past ransoms we had paid him."
The sentence, while it makes sense, doesn't flow right imho >.> a better version would be:
"We didn't send the ransom, because he'd already recieved payment and just wanted more, there was nothing we could do."
Another thing:
"Overridden" isn't the same as "overloaded"; when you talk about the powerplants being 'overridden', it sounds kinda weird >.> Overriding something is basically 'to go beyond' it... so if you 'override security protocol' you hack it, and go around the security - you can't really do that to a powerplant. You *could* overload it.
Or, if you meant to say "override the computer controls on the power plants" that would have been better... simple 'override the powerplants' is hard to make out imho <;.;>
"And surely, after his time in the Ziggurat, he would know better than to try to take over Paragon City again..."
The problem here is - you're mentioning the city where the people already are... it just feels out of place; largely its just that you've added "city" to it >.> Saying "Take over Paragon" seems to fit better; or "The City"; but Paragon City makes it sound... artificial.
It really is good stuff though <@_@> don't take this as bad criticism! Just some things I noticed (I spend alot of time writing <~.~>
, I think you've got a good start, just need to practice sentence structure and work on language usage I'd say. Course, that's just my opinion too <,<
Thankfully I've noticed htose problems you've pointed out. I'll be sure to read over my comics from now on. But thanks a lot for your comments, they have truly inspired me.
ADIOS
Always glad to help where I can hehe <^.^> its good stuff! I hope to see more.
Is that all the opinions I'm going to get? Don't make me stop issue two.
Try not to feel bad about it. I don't get much comment on my stuff either; different things but yeah. Its hard to tell if people like your work and just don't feel like commenting, or think you're a moron.
I for one like your stuff though.
I've always wondered what makes people comment in this forum.
There are some serious regulars... but what drives the others?
Not a clue Juggertha, not a clue... I comment when I can; sometimes things are so far out of my league the best comment I can make is "/oogle" (which I do mention when it feels appropriate! (Artists have big egos <,< by necessity!)
But for myself, I comment because I love having the two-fold power of A) Making someone feel good about what they accomplished, no matter how minor. Truth is, anything you create is significant; and it deserves at least some acknowledgement. B) The ability to help someone grow. I can't help anyone like GillBates, or you Juggertha; but Aaron123, ColdfireKaiser, some of the other starting artists, I can give a few pointers here and there, encourage them in success... and well, it feels good to be able to say to someone "I think your leg is crooked - here's how to fix it!"; And its even better when that person then comes back with a pic not 3 days later thats twice as good as the previous one.
So for me; thats why I comment. Though the last few days I've slacked off badly; I've been in a nasty creative slump and a little grumpy too.
Everyone else... I couldn't say though. I'm impressed at the lack of "omg ur stuff is ****" types though; thats the only reason I even started posting in this section; I'm terribly shy with my own stuff.
Well, I'm rambling lol <x.x> I'll shuddup.
Well, it also seems to be more of an opener, so it's somewhat hard to comment on. I like where it's going, myself. Very much so.
Dude, I love the Lebowski references. Great job! I do agree that the words need touching up here and there, but I won't harp on it since it's already been said.
Awesome work! 
I never realized than, Juggertha. Hmm.. But thank aall o' youse for your unexpectadly kind comments. I guess Guilt IS a prety strong force.
Lol Xyfen <,<
/em guilttrip~
<,< Nah, I think its just sometimes random. People don't check every day, etc... <x.x> sometimes you get pushed near the bottom of the heap too.
"You're the Emerald Energizer, not the Emerald Electrician"
For some reason, I couldn't stop laughing at that one.
Great job!
Nobody "gets" me, Baby! I'm the wind...
Chicks dig Giant Robots!
Issue Two has been held up due to all this Double XP Malarkey.... Yes, this is a shameless bump, but still. I thought I'd let people know that there will be a second and hopefully third issue.
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Issue Two has been held up due to all this Double XP Malarkey.... Yes, this is a shameless bump, but still. I thought I'd let people know that there will be a second and hopefully third issue.
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Hey now mister (or mrs..or ms. for that matter), I happen to know for a fact that the double, Double, DOUBLE XP Weekend doesn't start for another...oh...
1 day
42 hours
2571 minutes
154272 seconds...
but who's counting?
So get on those comics!!!
Seriously though, they are funny and very nicely done! I love the layouts that you came up with. Awesome!
Keep up the great work!
ST
hehe..it was very cute! I am really looking foward to the second one. Donny is my favorite!!
"Shut up, Donny!"
The second issue is coming. Bare with me.
All right.. I hope all of you can forgive me, if you even remember. If anyone has been waiting, which I highly doubt, I have some news. Half of the second issue has been done for a while now, and I just need to get back on the CoH horse. I've just been busy with other projects. So, basically, I wanted to let people know that this isn't the type of project that's quickly given up on.
Here's to all of you that forgot and are not reading this!
They've kinapped Mistformsquirrel! 
Yet another dastardly attmept by your'se truly at a comic book. Luckily, I had a little bit of a crutch with The Incredulousness inspiring program Comic Life. So without further ado: The Expendables.
Cover/ Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10
Page 11
Page 12
Page 13
Page 14
Page 15
For a change, I'd like to hear(read) your opinion. Your feedback is appreciated.
And as a side note, I have submitted to CoH comics as well as posting it here.
ADIOS