mistformsquirrel
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Posts
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Joined
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<. .> The word "saweeeeet" comes to mind Quake.
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Yaaaaaar >.> A new sketch up.
This is Remn <. .> Remn is a hero... honest... I swear... he's just... well... Ok, so he's not much of a hero; at least not at first. Actually he's pretty freaking scary <. .>;; but he does bad things to BAD PEOPLE at least >.>;
Course, that all changes through the course of my story <,< He's the other main character in the novel in which Yumii (who you've all seen so much I'm sure you're sick of her >.>
is in >.>;
I think they make a cute couple <._.>b
Remn Tersing
Also - I'm undecided if I'm keeping that cloak... its too... pompus for the type of guy Remn is. He's got a certain style, but he's not arrogant or anything - he's the sort of guy who, if he thinks you're dangerous, will simply kill you. Rather than monologue you to tears. I was trying a new technique sketching this piece >.> What do you all think? <'x'> -
You just had the word "pimp" after all this talk of crotch <. .>;
You realize what that makes me think of?
I'll give you a hint - Not pleasant. >.> And yes, it involves rhinestones. -
Its me <^_^> how could it not be?
<head the size of a small blimp> <^_^>! -
Personally - and remember, this is just my preference - shade nothing with ink. Shade it all with colors >.> It creates a more 3d effect imho.
I grant you - that won't achieve a "western style comic' look exactly, it'll be a twinge more ... well something else <,< But it looks nice imho <. .>
If you want to know about ink shading though - I recommend PMing Crimson_Jimson. Because he's freaking awesome. -
I likey the inkey mo bettery <. .>b
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HAHAHAHA <,<
Thanks Liquid <^,~>b that's awesome! -
The word "Gorgeous" comes to mind <. .>m
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<O.O> ooooo...
well that does make sense >.> with history being written by the victors <'x'>
I shall not spoil Shanara <'x'> But suffice to say, the sword really IS truth. If you ever feel like reading it >.> Start with First King - it was written as a prequel to the original book, but they actually read best if you read the prequel first oddly enough <,<; -
Totally off topic peregrine <o.@> but does your sig happen to be a reference to the Sword of Shanara?
/curious >.> -
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really? looked like a boycat ta me...eh, oh well...still was a durn good piece.
~
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I definitely thought he looked male >.> "Wistful" male, but male nontheless <@.@>
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ROFL the infamous bannanahammock pic never got modded, so I think it'd be an interesting test XD
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<'x'>;
*ahem*
BANANAHAMMOCKS FTW
Sorry <,< Find it amusing lol <,<
<. .>
You know you COULD always draw my tree - its got nuts too.
... Its an acorn tree >.> what? -
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Is there another place that has screenies of Lush and Gill?
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http://www.mmoart.com/staff/coh/
Here <@_@> rawr! -
On the website <^-^> on the contest page there were a couple links!
<@.@> I founds em <. .> Cause I is da sneaky like that >.> -
If I can manage <,< I shall be there! <^_^>
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/threadjack
Is anyone besides Mist and I participating in NaNoWriMo? I wouldn't mind putting together an 'Art Board support group' type thing on either Livejournal (preffered) or DA or something else all together.
I know lots of people from CoX participate. but, I only hang out on this board with any frequency. Sometimes Virtue, but 2 or three times a week as opposed to every couple of hours >.>
Anyway. Just curious....
/unthreadjack
These pieces show promise, I've been writing fiction for uh... <.< >.> a long time! both proffessionally (not as often as I'd like) and for myself (far more often). Short Pieces like these are not my favorite, but I've written quite a few of them, as they are both great practice and fun to read when very well written. (imo)
The biggest thing to remember about pieces under 500 words (and really, under 2000 words) is that Every. Word. Counts. I tend to approach 500 word pieces more like poetry than prose. They have a pacing and rhythm that is very distinctive from larger works. If you are curious, I have a couple on my LJ (see sig) that are examples of what I mean. Also, there are a couple of groups in my profile that are specifically for short 500 word works (non_plot specifically) The weekly writing challenges there are lots of fun.
You definatly are on the right track. Remember, writing is like drawing. If you don't practice it, you never improve.
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Hey Snow <^_^> There's a WriMo thread someone made on the Geek Culture board <^o^> if you wanna check that out!
<-- didn't make it <@_@>
I don't have a live journal <. .>; well I do, but it was updated once, ever... >.>; /isaloser
<,< course mebee we can work something out <@-@> WRIMOFTW! -
<@-@> that's cute <,<; I agree with peregrine <^-^>m
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<. .> I just want the Wogglebug itself <. .> That's like, the bestest name EVER <O.@>
<. .> <pounces Rowr cause she's there >.> -
I like that last one the best <,<
And its very interesting, your origin <^o^>! Bwah!
<. .> <pounces the wogglebug!> -
Oh >.> I guess I could try that...
I honestly prefer blue in corrections <;_;> its not such an "angry" color; but red does the job... hrmm... yellows... me must think on this >.> -
Hmm... I'm hardly one of the better artists here >.> But I'm feeling ego-tastic enough to answer <,<
For myself - I'm totally fine with it; but I would prefer people ask >.>
I have no problem showing people my early work personally; but I'm sure that varies greatly by artist.
I personally would be 'slightly cheesed' if someone went ahead and did it - but I'd also have that slight ego buzz of "someone liked my stuff enough to do something with it?! <@.@>" - again, thats all just me; I hope that helps some >< -
Looking over this one <@_@> lessee what we turn up <. .>m
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A cold wind bit Jonathon's face as he lay flat out on the ruins of a church bell tower. [color= red] - not much I'd change but I'd add "into" after bit, and "the" instead of "a" when it comes to the tower. The first change is for descriptive purposes - it just give you a bit more of the sensation of the cold; the latter change is because its not just ANY church belltower - it is the one in this story - unless there were multiple belltowers in the story "a" is too impersonal. [/color]
Shouts of anger cried out all around him but all he could hear was the slow, controlled beating of his own heart. The war was dangerous for everyone but a sniper was a sitting duck. [color= red] - ok; what we need to do is re-format this paragraph. Its got too many ideas going in one paragraph <@.@> actually even per-sentence! I'll go sentence by sentence and explain how I'd change things.
"Shouts of anger cried out all around him, but all he could hear was the slow, controlled beating of his own heart."
The problem here is, you're attempting to mesh the chaos of a battlefield with the calm of the sniper - this is a good concept; but you need to space it out further. Also, being this is a modern battlefield (well WWII at least) - angry shouts are more likely to be sergeants orders than anything else. So your first sentence you'll want to transform into something describing the battlefield situation. Use multiple sentences (form a paragraph with them) to describe that.
Then describe the sniper - contrast him to the battlefield; the previous paragraph describes the chaos - now you describe him, being calm and patient. Then dig deeper into his character - create a new paragraph as necessary, and remember where possible to show, rather than tell.
He was a gambler - rather than tell us he was a gambler; perhaps jump into his mind and think about the odds; or, perhaps even leave it out - depending on how deep you are going into the character. The question is - do we want him to be a vague character? Do we want him to be "just a sniper"; or do we want him to be say... PFC. Berny Williams from Rockford, IL? (Both have advantages!)
This is the difficulty with short stories - finding the balance between story and characterization <@_@> if you want the story to be about the situation, talk about the sniper's position, his heart pounding, etc... maybe a couple *tiny* snippets of who he is (thinking about mom, a girlfriend, dead buddies, etc...); but don't spend too much time on it. Conversely, if the story is about the character himself, perhaps devote more attention to him where you can, give him a couple paragraphs where you're directly "in his head"; and thinking. Sorry if thats vague >< You've hit a complex problem with this paragraph and I'm trying to sort it out <,< but I'm hardly trained for this kinda thing <'x'> so I hope this is helping! [/color]
Back home, in the back of speakeasys, John was an ace card player. Champion of the storerooms, he had won more greenbacks off of the toughs then any other patron.
But here, all the way across the Atlantic, thinking you were lucky could mean you were cocky. Being cocky could get you killed.
[color= red] - the big blurb above applies to these two paragraphs above this line as well [/color]
The only thing keeping him alive was his corpse like stillness. Any sudden movement, no matter how slight, and he was done for. The same fate destined for the enemy snipers waiting, watching among the gunfire and sweat. [color= red] - this has excellent tension! But you have a problem; your descriptors. Gunfire and Sweat aren't really related closely in the mind - they do go hand in hand - but not in the sense you can stick em together in the same sentence. You want to find complimentary descriptors. For example - gunfire goes with chaos, sweat goes with grime or tension. Also, where possible, the thesaurus is a wonderful tool >.> just to help you find different descriptors. [/color]
There. In the mill. Was it movement?
If he takes the shot he may seal his fate.
Though if he doesn't.......... [color= red] - "Though if he doesn't..." - ... is all you need, any more is just excessive <@_@>
The major problem with this paragraph though is the broken nature of the first bit; form it into a sentence - "Over in the mill, movement?" something like that. [/color]
The outcome may not be what he wants.
The odds stacked against him, dare he take the gamble. [color= red] Its a bit too vague, too expositiony - you've got the right idea; but you want to make it more relevant to being in the mindset of the sniper; also "The outcome may not be what he wants." - we know that - that's part of the danger and tension already <^,~> you've already set up that things are uncertain. Instead, focus on increasing that tension; make the combonation of fear and exilhiration palpable. I'm trying to avoid writing out whole sentences for ya >.< cause its tempting for me to do it that way, but its best you come up with the ideas yourself, so I'm trying to give pointers. Hope its helping!
Anyways <@_@> this one is prety good - but you're layout is kind of 'odd' I guess >.< just keep practicing! <^_^> [/color] -
As per before, I'll use red to outline my suggestions ^^m hope I can help >,< (and as always <,< remember I'm just one opinionated squirrel!)
Snow fell onto Doug's thin, wiry hair. Clutching his overcoat to his neck, he breathed in deeply."Hey Joey. Merry Christmas."
As he knelt down, Doug ran is fingers across Joe's name. The granite was icy cold and sent a shiver through his fingers.
Rising to his feet, he nearvously pawed at the snow beneath him. [color= red] spelling correction - "nervously" [/color]
"Maddy and I are getting married in the spring" looking up at the overcast sky, he sighed deeply." I'm sorry Joe. She was so upset after the accident. Someone needed to comfort her." [color= red] - Only change here, your quotation mark is a space over in the wrong direction; which is visually confusing. Otherwise great. [/color]
Doug rested a tiny pink envelope against Joe's marker. A hint of light broke through the clouds and made the gold lettering across the front shine brightly. It read "Douglas and Madeline, May 1st." [color= red] - Only things I'd change here - describe him handling the envelope; give it a bit of weight with the audience. It doesn't have to be much; just a "Doug turned the pink envelope over in his hands for a moment before placing it against Joe's marker." - or something similar. I'd also modify the phrasing on "A hint of light broke..." "hint" and "broke through the clouds" feel awkward together to me - use a thesaurus to find another word for "hint of light"; I think you'll find some useful words! Also, for the envelope's text, you could just leave out the "It read" and instead italicize the words. That's purely my opinion though. [/color]
Slowly Doug rose to his feet once more and began to walk away, Hands gripped tightly in his pockets and a tear frozen to his face.
[color= red] ... Holy crap. *THIS* is good stuff right here! <o.O> Seriously - I've outlined a few minor changes - but this is good prose. For being so short, you managed to pack alot of feeling into a small space. So uhm... yes <@.@> GREAT JOB! If I had stars, you would be getting em <@.@> /impresseded[/color] -
<@.@> GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL
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Or you could be a girl pretending to be a guy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a guy!! *boggles*
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<@.@> AHA! I have discovered my destiny! <,<
<puts on schoolgirl outfit> <. .> I feel pretty.