TerminusEst13

See topic. I have a 46 Fire/Regen Scrapper that I may reroll into MA/WP, given I16's announcement of animation customization for MA. My biggest concern, however, is whether or not WP is a suitable replacement for Regen.

1: How survivable is WP?
2: Does it need heavy IO slotting to really shine, or can it do well out of the box?
3: If it does need IOs, how much money should I be looking to spend?
4: Is one capable of doing well even without 16 people cramming around you to fuel RttC?
5: Any particular weaknesses that I really need to watch out for?
6: Is it possible to cap defense? If so, would it be typed or positional defense?
7: How much Regen can I can, both in and out of RttC?
8: Does playing the Super Mario invincibility theme have any effect?

Sorry about my loads of questions, I just really don't want to suck.
I'd feel stupid if I rerolled a character from a badass to something...less badass.

No review from me this week. I'm having trouble finding a suitably terrible arc.
There's plenty of bad arcs, there's plenty of wtf arcs, but none of them so far can really be classified as "the worst of the worst of MA".

I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad about this.

So that's why "Hardcore" has multiple definitions.

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2 billion infamy/influence instantly, legal and free all you have to do is

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give you the password to my account? Okay, it's

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But don't forget his username. It's

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Wait! That's MY username! What are you guys

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Don't worry, we're just

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2 billion infamy/influence instantly, legal and free all you have to do is

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give you the password to my account? Okay, it's

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But don't forget his username. It's

I've got the same problem.

Oh, so this is just unwarranted self-importance.

Okay.

Whoops, my bad. Consider me learned.
Fix'd, and thanks.

By the way, I've noticed you have the tendency to sprinkle Latin every now and then into your posts. You speak it?
I've been trying to study it--rough language to learn.

Suggested by LaserJesus. I like this man.

UNIOCRACY OF GRAY TASKFORCE PT.1
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical
Arc ID: 106017
Morality: Villainous
Description: Leaving the Freedom Phalanx, Xelif Benzen forms the strongest 3rd party to this coming new war: U.o.G., to keep the balance between good & evil. If it is true. Just to show his power, Xelif defeated Statesman & Lord Recluse 2v1, making a statement. He wants to rule the world & force peace his way!
Characters Used: Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura)

Xelif Benzen is a man that all of us know the name of. If you don't know the name, then you are a jerkarse pedophile incestuous meanie face cactuslicker with no dong and/or hoohah and need to die in a fire. PS: Also, you suck.
Xelif Benzen is a name that needs to be remembered! EVERY individual on Freedom knows this name, and says their prayers to him as soon as they wake up and just before they go to bed. Lord Xelif, please grant us the ability to solo Statesman and Lord Recluse at once in an undoubtedly awesome climatic battle. Lord Xelif, please grant us the ability to have the Freedom Phalanx be "beneath us" so that we can make our own villain group!

Everyone playing this arc is participating in an epic. I mean, seriously, just look at that description. I don't think the Hero's Journey could be summed up in a more succinct way. This is poetry incarnate, ladies and gentlemen, and if you don't think video games are an art form after this then get the [censored] out of my topic and don't ever come back.



The arc opens up with a max-tittied wide-hipped thighhigh-totin' hottie named Hawkstarr, who was the ex-lover of Xelif Benzen--HOT DAMN! You mean to say that, among Xelif's already noteworthy list of orgasm-worthy accomplishments, he also nailed with such a hot babe?! Truly, our Lord is a god among men whom we cannot even comprehend. Please deign to continue walking among us lowly mortals! Please, Lord Xelif, I BEG you!
Hawkstarr continues to relay us the bad information. Lord Xelif's worshippers, the titled Uniocracy of Gray, are following his plans to recreate the universe under his own rule using an Item of Power--you mean to say that, somehow, somewhere, someway, Lord Xelif got his hand on equipment unavailable in the game outside of 2006?! Be still, my beating heart. With this Item of Power, Lord Xelif has raided the Freedom Phalanx's weapon storage and stole all of the tech suits that everyone aside from Positron were using every second of every day they stood around in-game, and now it's up to us villains to get them back to the Freedom Phalanx!

OH YEAH.
I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A VILLAIN.
YEEEEAAAAAHHHH.
THIS WILL TOTALLY ENLIST FEAR IN ALL THE HEROES.

Xelif and his Equilizerz will pay! And now, now, I know what you're thinking.
"But, TerminusEst13! As an aspiring writer, shouldn't you be railing about the poor literacy present in the opening and how every sentence to be formed from yanking the keyboard outside and tap-dancing on it?"
YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.
Lord Xelif's word is law. This is the way the world goes, the way it is, the way it heads out, and who are us lowly mortals to present anything different than absolute obedience and acceptance of Xelif's tapdancing?
I mean, look at them feet go. Damn, son.
Puts Michael Flatley to shame.

I prepare my villainous self for this villainous task, and I hike into the mission porter to prepare myself for overwhelming sexy emitting from Xelif's forces.
And once I zone in, KABOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!
I disconnected.
Yes, the sexy overwhelmed my connection.
I log back in and head back into the mission again, my connection thankfully somehow manages to hold. You can do it, my little hard-working router! I know Xelif's men are simply too cool for school and rule the pool and certainly don't drool, but you need to hold!
Thankfully, my efforts are rewarded. Once inside, my gaze sweeps across creations befitting only of Aphrodite's luscious glory.
Green and purple! Red and grey! Black! All splotched together in absolutely random places with no rhyme or reason. And the costumes! Ohhh, the costumes. Stitched together from boulders, rags, toilet tissue, and poster shreds, Lord Xelif's sexiness apparently extends only as far as hammering on the Random button eightteen times until something in a language understandable to him calls out from the smorsgabord of terrible terrible terrible colors. Some enemies have armor in completely random places, some have afros, some have leather with terrible patterns, but all of them are just an affront to the eyes. Oh, Sexy Jay, what evil hast been wrought from thy hard work?! Oh, Sexy Jay, to see your children tarnished and violated in such a way makes me cry.

At the very least, these all provide ample warning. Translated from crappy-costume-ese (a language more gutteral than German, for the record) it all announces:
"INCOMING BALLS, SON."
This arc is part one of a "Task Force"--the thing is, it's only one mission long. Only one mission? Yes, and it turns out all the other parts of the Task Force, existing and upcoming, are one mission as well.
Why?
Because this is so chock full of customs out the [censored] that I'm pretty sure even simply loading the mission will put a hell of a strain on the network.

Network: OH GOD OH GOD HRRRRNNNNGGGGGGGG HRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Me: You can do it, man! Hang in there! I'm here for you! Just push! Push!
Network: AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HRRRRRRRRRRNNNGGGGGGHHHHHHH HRGN HRGN HRRRGGGNNN
Me: It's almost there! Don't give up on me, man, we've been together for at least seven years!
Network: I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT! I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IIIIIIT!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!
Network: Tell my wife...! Tell my wife I loved her... ...huge chest...!
Me: NNNNNEEEEEEEETTTWOOOOORRRRRKKKKK! WHY GOD?! WHYYYYY?!



Now, if I may be serious for a second, it's perfectly feasable to have a group of powersets come together in a way that's challenging but not cheap. It's even perfectly feasable to have them break a theme, so that you're getting everything except the kitchen sink to be slung at you. The trick lies, however, in making sure that all of them flow well together, and that the presence of one enemy type doesn't massively overpower other enemy types there.
"The Portal Bandits" is a good place to look at for enemy powerset construction. Take special note at how they support each other, without going overboard. They're challenging, but not impossible--every mob you encounter usually has a single glaring weakness.

With this arc, it's just not the case.
We've got so many damn different enemies that I simply can't even get into the amount of differences, but I'll just list a few and why they're horrible:

1: One minion is Claws/Energy Manipulation. Why? The two powersets provide absolutely nothing to compliment each other. Both are melee range, but one requires a weapon which means that constantly shifting between the two will require constant redraw. And are you going to use Power Boost on Eviscerate or something?
2: Another minion is Radiation Blast/Pain Domination, which will completely neuter defense and heal/buff his allies. Because this is a minion, you will quite likely see him in almost every spawn, along with several brothers. If even one attack lands on a defense-based toon, an avalanche of -defense will promptly render you helpless--and all the while, they're constantly healing each other and their friends.
3: One LT is Dark Melee/Psychic Blast. All I have to say is that Soul Drain followed by Touch of Fear followed by Psychic Wail does not allow for fun times. Especially since Psychic Wail does, y'know, Psychic damage. Which very few characters have resistances or defenses to. And slams you with massive -recharge, so that it's difficult to fight back.
4: Yet another minion is Archery/Storm Summoning, with access to Rain of Arrows. Yes, a minion, and thus you will see her in twos or threes in spawns, and all of them will launch off their nuke at once. I mean, it's not like you liked your life bar, did you? Unlike the LT, however, Archery's nuke does not instantly drain their end, so they can continue attacking you even afterwards.
5: One boss is Axe/Force Field, with Dispersion Field constantly up. This means that he constantly gives his buddies a 10% defense boost, which makes it quite difficult to hit them--and even worse if another boss joins in the fun. To make it all better, he has Build Up, and Axe is not exactly known for its frail strikes.

So, now, what does all this teach us?
"Extreme" is short for "EXTREMELY AWESOME"!

The mission itself is a kill-all, which means that you'll need to get aquainted with these lads and lasses and then murder them all to death even while introductions are still going around. It's rude, but it's by Lord Xelif's command. Interestingly enough, completely random enemies are given Reflections Effects without any semblence of justification whatsoever, which means they have a sortakindamaybevague stealth. It's not easy to miss them all, but it's still quite possible to do so.
Also throughout the mission are numerous glowies, which hold the aforementioned power armor that everyone in the Freedom Phalanx uses nightly. In fact, I'm fairly sure Sister Psyche wears it to bed as lingerie, because Manticore has a fetish for thick and bulky power armor. He's weird that way.
There's also EBs that you'll have to put in their place. Every single one of them is obsessed with Xelif's "big chocolate" and desperately want someone to "pwn" so that they can prove themselves to "Xelif's uberness", which they love with all their hearts.
For the record, I am not making this up.

The infos are even worse.



In the end, there's absolutely no closure, either. We continue our villainous rampage by delivering all the power armor back to Statesman, content in the fact that Xelif's plans have been delayed. Hawkstarr, apparently the only person with any insight as to Xelif's mind, has the radical gamechanging theory that Xelif...might not like this.
HOLY POOP.
Hawkstarr apparently has a BAD FEELING about this turn of events, and thus has an idea that Xelif will go to the Longbow Elite Squadron, whatever they are, and destroy them all so that Statesman can't rely on them. Not that he does rely on them anyway, as they're Ms. Liberty's organization, but DARE you to question Xelif's flawless logic? The true icon of a mastermind is in that nobody understands his plans until it all comes together!
So, can we set forth even further? DARE we try to face Xelif's new plans, and pray that we can unweave the tangled web before this magnum opus comes to a close?!

No.
Arc's over.
Go play the next one.

...

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF



JERK MOVES: -3 (Kill-all with a sorta-stealthed enemies bumps this up a point. Minions and LTs with nukes bump this up another point)
INCOHERENCY: -5 (Terrible grammar and punctuation, along with the abuse of netspeak and emoticons throughout the entire thing. Canon defilement is only the first of this arc's problems. The only way it could be made worse would be if it was in Hindi)
IRRITATION: -4 (The terrible enemy design were already delved into, which they are, but they bear special mention here again. Not a single enemy is without an irritating part of their powerset, and the EBs only make this even worse. The SR only gives you a 7% chance to hit him)
COMPLETABLE: -3 (Have a lot of Patrol XP saved up, because you will die a lot. It's completeable, but only if you hate your character and want to make him/her suffer the pains of a thousand deaths)

FINAL ANGRY METER: 3

Hoo, boy.
The interesting thing about MA is how it lends itself well to egocentricism.
It's easy to make yourself into an AV, pit Ghost Widow as your hostage, and talk about how she loves you so much and would die for you, and have it all end with the player character not being able to do a damn thing because every other hero and villain in the game has sworn allegience to you.
This plot is a textbook example of making yourself to be a badass without due cause. I seriously hope this guy is a Defender, or something.

Most of my rage lies with the terrible enemy design. The plot is laughable, the dialogue is an utter massacre of the English language, the obvious egocentricism is rampant as every enemy sings Xelif's praises. It's also noted that he said this would be a seven-part TF before plans for buying MA slots were announced, and so he must've thought that these missions would get Dev's Choice or Hall of Fame.
But it's the enemies that really provide the topping for everything. I've been doing my damndest to try and keep myself from slinging out a profanity-laden rant to take him off his high horse, but this really makes me want to.

In the end, though, all I can say is two things.
1: Freedom, you have my sympathy for having this man as a citizen.
2: I honestly cannot wait for him to come out with the rest of this seven-part crapfest. Part 2 is soooo going to be a target for a later review.

Yea.

Nah, Pain was Ninja/WP. The bow was from the ninja set.
I'd recognize that yellow glow anywhere, as well as it's unique stench.

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Actually I wouldn't mind knowing how T13 decides what arcs to include in this review thread.

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Well, it's nothing really fancy, I've just got a list in Notepad.
I spend a lot of my in-game time in MA, so whenever I see an arc with a summary that either looks stupid as hell and/or is low-starred, I put it on the list. Pretty big so far, I've got 31 arcs on there now. Some people also suggest arcs to me, which I also put on the list.
Whenever I've got a hunger for badness then I open up the list, see what looks the most/least interesting, pick one, and play it. If it's actually pretty good, I send a message to the author saying I liked it and pass it along to my friends. Good arcs don't deserve to languish in obscurity. If it's mediocre, I hem and haw a bit and shrug it off. If it's terrible...well. You know.



Re: McNum

Wow, are you serious? Oh, man, that just really adds fuel to the fire. A friend had given me a bit of info about Pain, but I didn't think there was much similarity beyond the names.
From the sounds of this, I think the author unfortunately really didn't care about the messages--he just thought "NINJAS SUFFERING ARE COOL", and that the emo darkity angst was 3DGY and HIP. It's terrible when a good character just goes right down the toilet due to idiot fans.

Thanks for telling me about this. It's not like I needed another reason to hate this arc further, but it's certainly welcome! From now on, I will stand for the opposite of PAIN's badong-ness. I will be...gnodab.

Head to the "My Creations" tab.
Head to the "My Published Creations" subtab.
Select your arc, and "Edit" it.

It's a bit confusing, but that's how to go about it.

Overdramatic whiteknighting at its finest, ladies and gentlemen.
Leave 'im alone, it's not like he has any ground to stand on, moral or intellectual.
Seriously. Evil? Lol.



REALMS OF PAIN
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical
Arc ID: 160540
Morality: Neutral
Description: THROUGH SUFFERING AND HATE THAT RESULTED FROM THE GREAT NINJA WAR RISES A MASTERMIND CALLED PAIN. WITH HIS TEAM OF NINJAS INCLUDING 6 DANGEROUS ROGUE NINJAS, HE PLANS ON HAVING DOMINION ON THE WORLD. HE BELIEVES PEACE WILL ONLY BE REALIZED WHEN EVERYONE HAS FELT HIS PAIN. (NARUTO INSPIRED)
Characters Used: Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura Brute), Mondlicht (Bane Spider)



I think it's kinda cheating for me to be reviewing this, honestly.
Since Mission Architect came out, a lot of the updates have nullified arcs for one reason or another. Illegal powerset combinations, illegal maps, illegal dialogue, illegal whatever, whenever an arc is affected it relies on its creator to bring it back up.
What makes this cheating? Well, the arc author never got back to it. Ever.
There's probably lots of legitimate reasons for this. He quit the game, he moved to another game, his account was cancelled, he went to Honolulu and got enthralled with the bikini girls in floral sarongs.
I wouldn't blame him for the latter. Hawaiian girls are hot.
Unfortunately, despite this, the arc is still up in the air and published.

CIEL TRICANT is our contact today, and his black attire with blood red sharp jagged thorns and white skulls only serves to act as a warning signal that all is not right. Surely, this man can't be the fabled PAIN himself, can he?! Is he an all-mighty all-powerful ninja supervillain begat of agony and strife? Are the seconds that I still live in his presence simply fleeting moments of mercy?!
No! He is a man that can be trusted!
For you see, he has a halo.
Halos are nice! Halos are shiny! A nice and shiny thing on a man drenched in skeletal body parts and colors of gore are ALWAYS signs of good.

Through the magic of absolutely bugger-all backstory and setting, CIEL TRICANT informs us that he needs to find out some information about PAIN--assumedly, information as to whether or not PAIN is actually a villain, where PAIN's whereabouts are, what PAIN does on Sundays, and whether or not abusing capital letters is still the "in" thing to do.
(Hint: Yes)
I mean, this is all well and good, but where exactly am I supposed to go?

CIEL TRICANT: I HEARD SOME OF PAIN'S NINJAS ARE PATROLING IN AN AREA NEAR BY.

FIRE UP THE TELEPORTER!



Note. @TerminusEst13 and his cohort @Crasical found that things weren't quite as simple as it seemed. It turns out that the map is City Map 02 (Ruined), and that it's a kill-all. For people unfamiliar with the map, imagine a half-sunken cityscape covered in water that's eighty [censored] million billion miles across.
So we're going to give you a view of their psyche as it goes along:

---
[a fifth done:]

Me: These Bosses are jerks. BS/Regen at EXTREEEEME. Because nothing's more fun than not being able to do any sort of damage between Parry, Moment of Glory, and Instant Healing.
Cras: Broadsword ninja? In roman armor and Nictus space swords? Why, yes, this makes perfect sense. He wanted people to think they did the Imperious Task Force.
Me: With Brawl.

---
[a third done:]

Cras: "NIN-DEATH", they're called? Death of Ninja. They must actually be the avatars of ninja-killing.
Me: That would provide a possibility as to where the other ninjas went.
Cras: I think he got a little outnamed there. Since death ends pain and all.
Me: Maybe it's a death that puts you in a lot of pain?
Cras: But it still ends it.
Me: Unless it's a death that continues the pain in the afterlife.
Cras: I think we'd need a night in Vegas, lemon juice, lots of paper with very fine edges, and Batman Forever for that.

---
[half done:]

Cras: How many missions does this arc have?
Me: Five.
Cras: Why are we clearing these ruins again?
Me: "I NEED YOU TO FIND OUT SOME INFORMATION ABOUT PAIN. WILL YOU HELP ME?"
Me: The best way to discover pain is a kill-all on this map.
Cras: You are the worst god damn friend ever.

---
[three quarters done:]

Cras: Something melted the ninja hordes. There seem to be lots of melted ninja and not many death nin.
Me: Maybe they were all made out of chocolate. We've got chocolate bunnies, chocolate eggs, chocolate chickens, chocolate soldiers...
Cras: I think an ninja who would name himself 'Pain' and his subordinate 'Death' would be angry about something as nice as chocolate being used for ninja. His death ninja are terrifying, not delicious.
Me: Maybe it had nuts, then. Some people are allergic to nuts.
Cras: Oh, that must be it! That's why they have Roman armor and swords! It's all a crunchy nutty shell!

---
[one final mob left:]

Cras: DAMN YOU, PAIN! YOUR DELICIOUS ALLERGIC ROMAN CHOCOLATE DEATH NINJAS WILL NOT STOP US!
Me: SATAN'S SITTING THERE AND HE'S SMILING! SMIIILLLLIIIING!
Cras: Hang in there, man! Don't cry! We're almost done! Don't cry! Are you a man, or are you a quitter?!
Me: I ran out of tears so long ago, dude! Now I've only blood to cry... Blood and sweat!
Cras: Ew.



Yeah, it didn't end pretty.

An interesting thing about the mission is, due to the aforementioned MA arc explodying, more than half of the ninjas are replaced with generic MA invalid critter goop. The only remaining souls are the bosses, disgusting all-black Broadsword/Regen Extreme bosses that will kick your computer down and wizz all over it simply because you attempted to challenge them.
After we spent eightteen weeks trying to get through the mission, we come back to CIEL TRICANT empty-handed. A complete lack of dialogue provides us with no information whatsoever, and none of the enemies we dropped provided any clues at all.
CIEL TRICANT, however, can apparently use his halo as an amplifier for a latent psychic sense, and thus can divine straight into our mind to find out some sort of secret information that was picked up by the chocolatey hordes.
And, with this, he says we need "more" information. What we have is currently insufficient!

Let me just repeat that.
CIEL TRICANT just sent us on a trek through a gigantic [censored] outdoor map, killing every [censored] enemy on it, with [censored] for balanced powersets, and [censored] invalid enemies replaced with generic goop, all for [censored] nothing.
And now we need to do more.

Fifteen dollars a month for this is CASH WELL SPENT!
I think I'm going to cry. Again.

So, CIEL TRICANT thinks that the best way to get into PAIN's lair is to...find a map to his hideout! Oh, but of course! Every secret ninja hideout has a grand map that outlays every single location as to where it's hidden, and every one of these maps are in convenient, easy-to-get-to offices where there is already people occupying them!
For the record, the best way to buy food is with money, the best way to swim is to get into water, and the best way to fight enemies is to not die.

But NO! PAIN is too wily for our player brains! The next three missions are composed of the player heading to different offices in order to pick up an extremely obvious map held in a safe without any form of locks whatsoever! And there's no clues, no descriptions, nothing saying what the maps actually are or what they're about or what they say.
Because both our minds and CIEL TRICANT's hyper-psychic halo-advanced not-a-villain mind are composed of cupcakes and rocks, none of us are at all intelligent enough to figure out that these maps are completely bogus, even after heading into three different missions composed simply of three different traps in three different offices with all of PAIN's ninjas.
And nothing else. No other mobs, ever.
Because the player is supposed to ENJOY the PAIN ninja presence.

Yessirree, I sure do love getting beat on by invalid custom critters and the occaisional roman chocolate death ninja. Every day, I rise up out of bed, get a drink of caffeine, head to college, and I never pay attention to my lessons because every moment is spent thinking "OH BOY OH BOY, I SURE HOPE PAIN HAS SOME NEW NINJAS FOR ME TO GET BEAT BY!".



At the start of the third mission, you get to meet PAIN's 6 signature lackey ninja NPCs, all of which are /WP Arch-Villains. Arch-Villains, as you may recall, are the epitome of player enjoyment and balance, and Willpower only amps this up further with its amazing defenses, Resurgence, and High Pain Tolerance--the latter of which increases the already-intimidating Arch-Villain HP, and the middle-ter of which resurrects them after you killed them so you can fight them again.
If there's one thing players love more than Arch-Villains, it's fighting them again! Because, just like ice cream, you can never have enough and can just down that crap without any semblence of brain damage.
If it does hurt in your brain, it's just your mind saying that it loves it and it wants more.

The archvillains are "GOD REALM" (Psychic Blast/Willpower), "HUMAN REALM" (Mind Control/Willpower), "DEMON REALM" (Dual Blades/Willpower), "HELL REALM" (Illusion Control/Willpower), "GHOST REALM" (Super Strength/Willpower), and "ANIMAL REALM" (Fire Control/Willpower).
Yes, PAIN is apparently such a badass that he has existence not only over legions of ninja, but also entire REALMS! Dimensions bow down to his orders, at awe of the magnitude of his capital letters and his chocolate. Though I'd like to know what the difference between the DEMON REALM and the HELL REALM is. Either way, you're looking at the netherworlds.
For an extra bonus, not a single damn one of them have any semblence of reason or justification behind their powersets.
Ghosts are known for punching people in the face with rocks!
Humans have inherent psychic brain-killing abilities!
Animals are all known for flinging fire and making toast and introducing our ancestors to the burning that is heat!
THIS PRACTICALLY WRITES ITSELF. I THINK WE HAVE AN OSCAR WINNER ON OUR HANDS.

In the final mission, you get to face all six of them back to back, in rooms with barely any transitioning and thus have a high chance of aggroing them all at once. Oh, and PAIN as well, who is a Ninja Summoning/Willpower Arch-Villain.
In case you simply couldn't get enough love from the REALMs and had to resort to taking them all up the bum in a twisted ninja gangrape, you get to double that number effortlessly--nothing gets the adrenaline higher than jumping from fighting six unbalanced enemies to twelve/thirteen.
Side effects of pumping adrenaline include:
A: Screaming at the top of your lungs.
B: Self mutilation by clawing at your arms and face.
C: Slamming your head into your keyboard and monitor at the same time.
D: Fapping.

In the end, there's not a single bit of closure, either. PAIN swears that his defeat is only temporary and that another PAIN will rise upon his fall, signifying that this arc is to be played multiple times. CIEL TRICANT even warns you that another PAIN will rise again and to never let down your guard.
No. I am NOT playing that game with you.
You want me to play again? I refuse. I refuse to give it more than a passing thought. I refuse to even LOOK at this arc ever again.
Once is enough. Once is MORE than enough. Once is something that only the most inhuman of people can go through, and here I've gone through it TWICE for the sake of this review.

This is a horrible arc. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. Horrible in every sense of the word.



JERK MOVES: -4 (The first two missions set this alone by being quite high, with Kill-Alls on massive friggin' maps. The AVs set this even higher by being overpowered sets amped up to the absolute extreme)
INCOHERENCY: -3 (The major offense this commits is that everything is in capital letters. Aside from that, surprisingly, everything follows basic grammatical structure and spelling, with other errors being minimal. The story, on the other hand, is absolutely non-existant and explains absolutely nothing despite what happens in it)
IRRITATION: -3 (What REALLY kicks this rating down is that most of the critters are replaced with goop. A reminder that the dev-designed critters aren't perfect, but at least they're significantly more balanced than this crap)
COMPLETABLE: -4 (It's completable, yes, in the same way that a shoe is edible and urine is drinkable. You can complete it if you gird your loins and will yourself to see it through to the end, but it's not something you want to do as long as there's, say, ACTUAL FOOD AND DRINK AROUND)

FINAL ANGRY METER: 10

This pissed me off, big time.
I bear no ill will to the creator, but I bear every single bit of loathing and hatred for this arc. The only mercy it gives is that that devs have already blown up a part of it, no doubt because of their knowledge of its evil, and even then it's not a mercy of its own doing.
Do not play this arc.
Do not look at this arc.
Do not even LOOK UP this arc.

I simply can't express into words how utterly awful this is. I highly doubt I'll ever play another arc so absolutely terrible.
I can't even make this stupid thing funny! I can't mock it! It lashes at me every time I try to make a joke! It cuts me to the bone, my marrow bleeding out my lifeless body as it laughs at ME! I come in laughing at it, and I walk out a bloody, traumatized man.
Nobody should experience this.

Wait...what's this?

[sees the rating average]

...what.

I...

...no.
No!
NO!
NOOO!
NOOOOOO!

DOES NOT COMPUTE!
DOES NOT COMPUTE!
DOES! NOT! COMPUTE!
OH GOD, MY BRAIN!
MY BRAIN!

AAAAUUGH!
AAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGH!
AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!

[ QUOTE ]
and please no double anything in AE... please lets have one weeknd of playing the game...

[/ QUOTE ]

AE isn't part of the game?

For the record, I like people. I'm friendly. Respective of whether or not I actually know them, I think it's better to be nice to people than to be a jerk. Because of this, I'm not going to be attacking people. Just because I rip their arcs to shreds doesn't mean I don't wish them the best. I'd love to see what other arcs they do and if they're any better.
However, the absolute worst thing you can do to someone is to lie about their talents. NOTHING is worse than people guiding you on with false praise about how it's okay, it's redeemable, only to realize that it was all a lie. Because of this, I'm also going to point specifically as to WHY they're crap. I go through them with multiple characters, several times over. I take notes, I do research. I have people come along with me and ask their opinion as well.
(Especially note the unfunny final ratings section, which are purposefully sans jokes)

I could easily just write "this arc is made of fail, the author is an idiot and needs to die because nothing he do will ever be good", make a few jokes about it, and call it a day.
But that really wouldn't be fair, now, would it?



You want to zero-star my arc? Hey, go right ahead. Arc number's 188971, titled "Avgrunden Oppnas".
Go on, tear it apart. Tell me why you didn't like it. Tell me why you thought it was crap. Make fun of any plot holes and stupid dialogue you find. Lambast the enemy power choices. I'll fix it and make it better.

On that note, new review coming soon-ish. I was looking for a specific arc for a while, couldn't find it. Asked the author about it, and it was petitioned for copyright infringement.
Ah well.

cool story bro

[ QUOTE ]
FYI: the destructible objects aren't "friendly", it's actually a known bug: you have to agro them before you can attack them.

[/ QUOTE ]

Really? Well, consider me knowledge'd.
That'd explain how it was still damageable with Lightning Rod despite how I couldn't attack it other ways.

And I hope the devs don't remove the map if they learn about it. It's a very pretty map, and I'm hoping to use it sometime. Just raise up the exit marker by, like...a mile. And give it a flashing neon sign. And chips.

Got an Elec/EA as well.
Defense isn't capped AT ALL, still running entirely on SOs except for a Steadfast Res/Def, but fun times all around. The AoE potential, combined with my favorite type of damage mitigation, combined with the awesometastical animations, equals one happy Brute.
Darkest Night is really only going to add to that beauty.

Now I wish I could actually make a capped Def build.
That'd add to the beauty even more.

Negative ratings sound good, thanks--edited previous post to include them.


HOT DATE (GUYS ONLY)
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical, @El D, @Crimson Ripfang
Arc ID: 229681
Morality: Neutral
Description: go ask Ashley on a date
Characters used: Laevinus (Broadsword/Shield), Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura)



Right, then.
Sit down, boys.
It's time we have...the talk.

This is a T-rated game, for Teens (and not for Ta-tas as some chest-sliders would have you believe), and so some of you are probably around that age already.
You may notice strange feelings when you look at the fairer sex, with fair beings known only as "women". Feelings that you've never experienced before. Feelings that you like experiencing, and want to expand further on. Feelings that make you want to make a girl character with the aforementioned chest-slider all the way to the right.

These feelings are perfectly natural. These feelings are understandable, and occur in many young lads as they grow up. This is called "sexual attraction". You're noting that girls do not, in fact, have cooties.
The age-old ritual of "circle, circle; dot, dot; now you've got the cootie shot"? Yeah, that actually gave you cancer instead.
It's a strange and a brand new world out there! With its own individual rules and rituals, with codes of conduct in foreign languages that scholars have been debating back and forth for years!

Now go talk to your parents about the rest.

There's a reason I started off with that spiel, which I'll go into later. As for now, let's cut the unfunny documentary crap and get straight into the arc.



The contact identifies himself right away as "Ashley's Dad", a diminuitive sort of man who, much like the contact in the previous arc, dresses himself in all black. Except it's almost all black, because we all know that fathers are the fogey sorts that simply can't be cool--he wears his badges of shame in both a white tie and white hair, which permanently brand him along with the "un-hip" and "anti-dope" crowds.
Why? SHUT YOUR MOUTH is why. Black is EDGY, white is DREDGY. Learn it, love it, live it.

Ashley's Dad, however, has clearly been on a drinking binge. He comes to me lamenting that his little daughter has been going out with a boy that he doesn't like. This is all well and fascinating, good sir, but I'm afraid you've confused me with your wife. Or perhaps someone with an actual interest in your daughter. Or perhaps someone that's interested in your daughter if she was single and not going out with a boyfriend.
...
Sha-wing! Consider me interested!

Ashley's father continues his heartwrenching tale, all summed up in the span of a single sentence: "my little girl is going out with a boy i dont like i need you to scare him off".
Punctuation? Capital letters? Who needs those in a world where you move fast, fast, fast! Nevermind that Ashley's dad is just standing there as an AE concept--his HEART and his MIND move faster! He's worried about his little baby girl, damn you! How could you be so heartless as to question his grammar in such trying situations?!
His heart is heavy and his eyes weary with all the tears he ever could cry in his lifetime, and he sobs out his final request before sinking back into his drunken haze. I need to scare him off! Normal fathers would simply give their daughters a stern talking-to, or would show up with a gun to the boyfriend's house, or pass around the baby pictures. But this man is so desperate that he relies on someone just right off the street in order to rescue his beautiful baby girl.
I'm assuming she's named Alice, he never told me anything.

How can I do anything else other than accept?

So I accept.

"kick Ashleys boyfriends butt" the nav text pipes in helpfully.
A-BUH-BUH-BUH-WHAAAA? Sir, I object to this! Now I'm hesitant! I was just told to scare him off! You take me for some sort of barbaric barbarian, who would just charge around and swing my foot around like a magnet attracted by metal in the rear? That would be very inconvenient for walking!
And immoral, since people usually don't ask for boots up the bum.
Regardless, I have no choice but to continue and try to save Athena, since otherwise I would have to quit the mission. And I'm not going to do that because screw you, I have better things to do than just lounge around in the AE lobby, wondering what happened if I didn't quit.



Entering the mission, I find myself in the wide-open area of Perez Park. No complaints here, it's a pretty under-used map. The map itself is crawling with baddies, though, as per every other map with every other arc. Every single one of these enemies are simply one enemy, "Punk" of the faction "Ex Boyfriend's Mob".
Ohhhhhh, now I see why Ashley's Dad was so concerned about Alysha hooking up with this man. He's a part of the MAFIA! A mafia where everyone is about four feet tall, looks like a young kid, and weilds invisible guns!
All of the enemies are AR, of some indeterminate secondary--interestingly enough, they seem to just plain stop attacking whenever I get into melee range. Clearly, my character is so awesome that they emit an aura of funk and pimp. Whoever is unlucky enough to step into the range of this aura promptly gets overwhelmed as I stand there, jamming to an invisible tune. Maybe Kamelot or something.
Here's a hypothetical scenario:

Me: [walking around, jamming to an invisible tune that may be Kamelot or something]
Punk: HOLY CRAP WHAT ARE YOU DOING. [pull out invisible guns and shoot invisible bullets]
Me: [gets hit and takes invisible wounds] Aw hell naw. [steps, like, one inch closer]
Punk: OH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT. [drop their guns and just stand there]
Me: [/em dance4]
Punk: WE CAN'T HIT HIM. HE MUST HAVE SUPERHUMAN REFLEXES.

I hereby declare to Castle that we need a new power in the game, called Aura of Funk.



Trekking through the map quickly becomes repetitive, as every single group in the map is composed of the same batch of Punks--there's not a single difference in fighting styles, powersets, tactics, or whatever. No LTs or bosses, simply the same single minion spread across in a wide vast cloning conspiracy that would put Dolly's little sheepy heart to shame.
What DOES break up the repetition, however, are several barrels strewn about the map as destructable objets. Except, no, they're apparently not barrels--info says "a big rock that looks fun to destroy". I wasn't aware that rocks were metal, cylindrical, and rusted, but who am I to argue with the laws of nature? And if it's fun to destroy, then let's get to destroyin'!
Except, no. If you are at all existant in the world of reality, then you know that punching a rock until it breaks is not too feasable an idea. This is apparently on the mind of the author as well, as the quote-unquote "Barrel" cons friendly. And why shouldn't it be? Me and Barrel have gone through so much together! We hit the bars on Fridays, pick up chicks on Saturday, head to church on Sunday, and then drive home together. Barrel's a pretty horrible driver, though--I've been trying to teach him, but he just...he just doesn't learn. It's like he doesn't even want to listen.

(For the record, this is what a proper rock looks like. Get learned)

Because "Barrel" cons friendly, it's going to be difficult to actually defeat him. Every attack to meet it head-on with a melee only replies with "INVALID TARGET". So I get around it and Lightning Rod the stupid thing to death, and my reward for the endeavor?
[NPC] Barrel: you destroied a rock you must ne dumb
...
God DAMN IT.

Oh, and fun times to be had by all, because the rock wasn't a required objective. It was just something extra (I use that term very loosely) to destroy to entertain the mission-player. Because, also existant in the world of reality, punching rocks is something done for fun and extra credit.
What IS a required objective is for me to buy a rose for Annabel, which is done in a glowie of...an ancient Circle of Thorns obelisk. Because who needs vendors for getting a rose, or even a pot, or a garden in Perez Park! Perez is known for many things, but none of which is flowers. The only answer? An ancient forbidden Circle of Thorns ceremony to access a Hell far beyond even Dante's own comprehension!
He could only WISH he could include a Hell of Pretty Flowers in the Divine Comedy.

Buying a rose promptly spawns two other required objectives, identified on the Nav as "Ashley" and "Danny".
WAIT, ASHLEY?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAAAAAATTTTT? Since when has the girl had a name?! I am shocked and FLOORED by this twist of expectations that nobody could ever have foreseen even if they had foreseeing abilities!
Yes, it turns out that Ashley is the girl that we're supposed to rescue, and she ends up as a buxom blonde in leather with large breasts, thighhigh heeled boots, and the Eden top underneath the coat so it looks like she's absolutely topless. Rescuing her gets her following you in grand parade of manliness, assuming your character is a man, as you have this **** chasing you around without any pity for her previous situation or that she was getting ganged up on by her boyfriend's buddies.
Danny, on the other hand, is a generic Elite Boss with Thugs, and a plethora of generic one-liners that talk about how you're strong but he's stronger, or that you're stronger than you look, or how you still won't win despite your stronger strength. His mutilations of the English language at the start and end of each combat are something to note, though:

[NPC] Danny : Hay Ashley Wuna go out?
[NPC] Danny : Hay back off my girl loser.
[NPC] Danny : Bring it
[defeat Danny]
[NPC] Danny : Ashley y are you going out with this loser

Yes, before you actually combat him, Danny is deliriously talking to the air in the vain hopes that his girlfriend is nearby, composed of magic pixie dust straight from Disney movies that take his words and fly them straight to her on fairy wings. And what he says when you beat him is the same whether or not you actually have Ashley with you, so he may as well be talking to your groin--whether or not you name your dong Ashley is something I've really no interest in learning, though I'd be a little concerned at his own fascination with it.



The kicker, though? You can't deliver Ashley to the exit, so that the mission can end. All that work, all that effort, all that time spent, and all for nothing--because of some sort of glitch or malicious game design, the actual marker that you need to deliver Ashley to is BELOW the map...and more specifically, BELOW the exit zone! There is no way to deliver Ashley to the exit, no way to finish the mission, and having tried it three different times with different people all provides the same result.
Thus, we'll never know the final results of how this plays out. Ashley's Dad will be doomed to forever standing in a single place with that blank look on his face, begging a passerby as to rescuing his daughter. Danny will be constantly talking to the air as he slips slower and slower into madness, constantly at sexual highs and lows from being in the same room with a topless girl and getting punched in the face from players. And Ashley will get diabetes or something, I dunno.
It's a mystery that will never be closed, and the world suffers for it.
A tragedy on the level of Romeo and Juliet, to be sure. Shakespeare, your tears are wasted.



JERK MOVES: -1 (The destructable objects flag as friendly and berate you once you actually defeat them. Regardless, they're not actually required objectives, which rank this jerk move pretty low)
INCOHERENCY: -4 (Not a single sentence is without mangled letters, admirably performing with all that remains of their spirit despite their abuse at the hands of a thoughtless master)
IRRITATION: -3 (There're only two types of enemies, minions and a single EB. Neither of them are really "cheap" at all, though the Gang War on the EB may cause troubles for non-melee ATs. The open map and the lengthy-as-crap hunts will be your bane, though)
COMPLETEABLE: -5 (Incompletable, plain as day. Unless you have a stroke of godly divinity or access to the dev tools right in front of you, you just can't complete this)

FINAL ANGRY METER: 5

This actually got me a smidge angry. The fact that it's incompletable by itself is enough to get me pretty riled, but it's also apparently an objective fantasy for whoever the author was. The sexually idealized girl, combined with how Danny is in absolute shock that he's bested, combined with Ashley's swooning over your power, combined with how you're apparently the only person Ashley's Dad trusts enough to get to do this, all points to a single result.
Whoever the author is, Ashley is someone in his life that he lusts after. Danny is someone that has her, and he doesn't. This is an obvious power fantasy, something that allows him to feel the aforementioned jollies of his first girl encounter, so that he can have the girl and deny "Danny" of what's his own.
It's horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And I feel angry and dirty for having played it.





NOTE:
Please send @Crasical well-wishes again:

[Tell] @Crasical: Hey, don't ever let me proofread something for you again.
[Tell] --> @Crasical: Hrn? Why?
[Tell] @Crasical: Me: "Hmm, The team's doing pretty good. Let me alt tab out and read this."
[Tell] @Crasical: Me: "Hahah, This is pretty funny. Cootie shots. Hah. Wait, what's this." *tabs back*
[Tell] @Crasical: Team: *Burning and dying* D: OH GOD, THE ARCHON IS A WARWOLF AND THE MARKSMEN ARE LEGION. ABANDON HOPE.

SAVE THE STRIPPER
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical (please send him well-wishes, he's been traumatized by it)
Arc ID: 5199
Morality: Neutral
Description: The Order of Death have hatched a sinister plot to try to take the world's most valued stripper and horde her for themselves. You must stop them.
Characters used: Henteko Shinzui (Katana/Super Reflexes Scrapper), Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura Brute)



And already this gets to a promising start! The world's most-valued stripper! Man, what a title. What. A. Title. Such prestige!
I mean, sure, there's money and food and clothing and all that stuff, but a stripper? Top priority, man, you just haven't lived until you've seen some jigglies get shaken! Who needs drink when you've got a miniskirt and thighhighs rubbing across your lap?
It's the WORLD'S most-valued stripper, too! Third-world relief? War torn countries? Screwthat! She gets sent in to Etheopia and Afghanistan, that'll raise their hopes!

My God, our military are strategic GENIUSES.
Whoever thought breasts could hold such power.
Someone get president Obama on the line, I've got some better weapons of mass destruction than his namby-pansy nukes!

I'm gettin' pumped up for this! I'm ready! I'm willing!
So I fire up WinAmp and load my theme song, and saunter up to the contact. Yeah, he's smirkin', he knows how badass I am. Decked out in black leather, with black hair, a black trenchcoat, black pants, a black belt, black shoes, black eyes OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN HE REALLY MEANS BUSINESS WITH SO MUCH BLACK. Maybe I should stop being so badass, he'll think...he'll think...I'm trying to UPSTAGE him!
He goes on about how the world needs me to take care of The Order of Chaos... They've kidnapped the world's most-valued stripper... They're hoarding her for themselves... And I must stop them..........
WHOAH-HOAH-HOAH THERE, BUDDY-BOY. I think your OVERFLOW OF PERIODS is just too much EXTREME for my brain to handle. In fact, one more period and I think I'll explode! Wait, I already used two. Make that thre--BOOOOOOOOOOOOM










Hah hah don't worry that was just me saying boom.

Anyway, of course I have time to rescue a stripper. What do you take me for, a NON-hero? Psssh.
I'm told that the boss of the Order is named The Boss, and that he is known to hang out in abandoned office buildings. Wait. Wait wait wait. The Order is named...The Order...and the boss is named The Boss?
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
WAIT.
WAIT.
Okay, I don't get it.
I suppose I'll just miss out on the genius, but I am but a lowly bit player paying $15 a month to play craptacular arcs. Who cares what I miss out on?



So I enter the mission and round the corner, and...oh. There she is.
Right at the start of the mission.
Well, okay. I rescue her, mission should be over, right? Except, no, she isn't, because of the crazy laws of the planet world that requested my assistance. For some reason, finding the stripper and escorting her to the door doesn't actually count as "saving" her. Turns out this mission is a Kill-All, clearly because every single bit of them has a part of her stripper essence on them and must be exterminated before they either:
A: Make clones of her.
B: Pass around interaction with her as signs of divinity.
C: Kidnap her again with the information they currently have learned.
D: Fap.

So I go further into the mission, and eventually I come face to face with The Order itself. And as soon as I see their terrifying visage, I get an epiphany. Now I realize the problem with this arc.
This arc isn't the author's fault at all. No, no.
In fact, I think the author is a perfectly normal and natural human being, and this was made by his puppy.

You see, there are no costumes for every single member of The Order. Everyone has a pre-made dev-designed preset costume. There are a few minor tweaks here and there, but otherwise every single costume is devoid of any and all human touch.
Oh, you poor man! I can only wonder how your head exploded when presented with all the different costume options! I can only wonder how you collapsed on the ground, gibbering and writhing as your baby puppy then trampled all over the keyboard, making all the rest of the mission! I hope your recovery is swift, sir! I know this arc isn't representative of your true potential, and I don't blame you a single bit for what your cute pet has wrought upon our unwitting human hordes!



Regardless, each of The Order is composed of completely random powersets chained together, which I suppose befits their Chaos nature. Not their Deathly nature, which was in the description and I assure you is completely ridden with false advertising.
Death? Them? I scoff at you! I SCOFF at you! They're not deadly at all! They're simply misunderstood young ruffians with questionable tastes in incredibly tight clothing and a misfortune of the stripper following them like lost puppies when all they wanted was just a companion for ice cream?
Oh-ho-ho-ho, they're actually really nice people once you get to know them. Death isn't at all in their desires!

At least, that's what I want to say until they pretty much killed me dead. I mentioned before that their powersets are completely random, without any semblence of rhyme or reason at all. They don't even have descriptions for it to chain it all together. They have Rad Blast/Rad Manip minions, Dual Blade/Ninjutsu minions, Grav Control/Ninjutsu LTs, Battle Axe/Fiery Aura LTs, Bots/Ninjutsu bosses, and that's just in one run-through! Ninjutsu is AWESOME! YEAH! 'Cause it was on Naruto, or something! YEAH!
And to further amp up the EXTREEEEEME factor, every single one of these powersets are set up to EXTREEEEEEME. Because nothing's more awesome than being Placated with Smoke Bomb, or having loads upon loads of Caltrops whittle you to death.
YEAH.
YEEEEEEEAH.
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH.
ow dammit my foot.

And what's the end of this fun romp guiding you throughout the chaos of this NOT-DEATH Order?
An Arch-Villain. Because everyone knows that's one of the best things a player could wish for. In fact, I know of several teams in which we were playing through arcs and they said "You know what would make this better? An ARCH-VILLAIN". Everyone loves Arch-Villains, and in fact, I think if there was an arc composed entirely of just Arch-Villain after Arch-Villain, people would be five-starring that sucker like no tomorrow. They're, like, the culmination of everything people love about the game.
Oh, and he's Plant Control/Martial Arts. Two of the COOLEST powersets ever.



In the end, what's to say about this arc? It's horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. Not a single bit of dialogue throughout the entire thing, none of the enemies have description, and your only reward at the end of it all is a "Whoo! You did it!"-esque message which provides no closure whatsoever.

If you had to choose between playing this arc and getting stabbed eightteen times with glass knives and then getting shot in the kneecaps while Rick Astley-playing boomboxes are shoved forcefully into your ear, then...uh...well, play this arc, I guess.
It doesn't really hurt you physically.

Just mentally.

And spiritually.



JERK MOVES: -3 (Surprisingly few, but they hurt. A couple Ninjutsu minions are bad enough, but the Ninjutsu lies in the majority. Unless you have +perception, you're going to be getting surprised a lot--and be hunting down the final mobs to satisfy the Kill All)
INCOHERENCY: -2 (Who is The Order? Who is The Boss? Why are the stripper's boobs known 'round the world? No glaring plot holes, but hundreds of questions are left unanswered)
IRRITATION: -4 (Nothing is given even remotely any thought as to balance, playability, or tact. Powersets are just crammed in and amped to extreme for the hell of it)
COMPLETABLE: -1 (A little patience goes a long way. Easily completable, though not for every build--non-melee ATs will have a hell of a time)

FINAL ANGER RATING: 2
Not very angry, honestly. The coolest thing about having an arc without any semblence of dialogue at all is that I can put my own words where descriptions and text balloons should be.

Radiated Killer: OH NO. WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A GREAT HEAPS BIG AMOUNT OF TROUBLE.
Chaos Robot: WHY IS THAT, MY SUSPICIOUSLY BLACK-AND-GREY-BUT-GREEN-GLOWING COMRADE?
Radiated Killer: IT IS BECAUSE OF THE TOTALLY WORLD-FAMOUS STRIPPER WE HAVE CURRENTLY BEEN IN HOLD OF.
Chaos Robot: YES, SHE IS A SIGNIFICANTLY STRIPPING WOMAN WITH A KNOWLEDGE OF STRIP. PLUS, SHE'S HOT.
Radiated Killer: NO, YOU HANDSOME AND MANLY FOOL OF FOOLISHNESS. SHE MEANS OUR DOOM!
Chaos Robot: I AM IN DISBELIEF OF THIS ACCUSATION YOU ARE PRESENTING.
Henteko Shinzui: I AM ENACTING GOLDEN DRAGONFLY, DONGHEADS!
Both: OH GOD IT BURNS IT BURNS BUT WITH STEEL BLADES!

If you know me, you know I'm a pretty laid-back guy. If you don't know me, now you do. Not much can get me genuinely pissed off. I'm friendly. I always try to have fun with people, no matter how much of a jerk they are.
But if there's one thing I love to do, it's rant. I can rant rant rant rant about the tiniest things.

Whether you love it or hate it, there's no question that Mission Architect was a massive boon for this game. It's brought nearly an infinite amount of content for consumption, and you can easily go from 1-50 without experiencing the same old same old that's been around for about five years.
This is not necessarily a good thing.

For every amazing arc that has thumbs-up everywhere and would be getting instant Hall of Fame if not for...whatever reason, there's at least fifty utterly horrible arcs.
Some of these are just because of clueless newbies, trying to feel around with the system and get learned about such things.
Some of these are because they simply don't care and want to push something out for the heck of it.
Some of these are because they're so blinded that they think anything put out by them is encrusted with diamonds and gold.
There's really a whole lot of reasons for publishing a horrible arc. There's a whole lot of things that MAKE a horrible arc.

But I'm here to play them.
My latest hobby ever since AE was released was to play through horrible arcs. I don't know why I took on such a pasttime, but I consider it "fun" to do this. Yes, I am actively enjoying getting hampered by every single mouth-breathing sweating mission clutching at my feet and assaulting me with mountains of retardation that only proves Ludd right.
Clearly, I need mental help.
But if I'm going to play about them, then I might as well write about them. As said before, I love to rant, and these all will give me plenty of opportunities to rant! As well as suck what fun that can be had out of them as I analyze them from numerous perspectives, thus reducing me to a gibbering shell of a man.

I'm sure excited!
It'll be fun!

And by "fun", I mean "oh god please kill me".



RATINGS:
Everything is rated on a scale of one to five. One meaning just generic horribleness that you can slap together anywhere, and five meaning okay this is pretty horrible and I seem to be suddenly bald and my hands full of hair. And now I'm going to collapse and die because that ruptured at least eightteen veins.

JERK MOVES: Kill-all with Ninjutsu enemies. Required destructable objects flagged as friendly. The stuff that's just plain unfair to play through.
INCOHERENCY: I'm not exactly expecting Shakespeare-level plot here, but punctuation along with basic grammar structure is appreciated.
IRRITATION: The basic concept of it all, the maps, the enemies, how does it all come together? Well, terribly, but HOW terrible?
COMPLETABLE: How much patience and tolerance do you need to actually see this through to the end?

FINAL ANGRY METER: On a scale of one to ten, how angry did this make me?

Don't you think that build is a little assuming that Dual Pistols is going to be like Archery, though? What if it isn't?
I think it'd be best to make a build with only IOs in the secondary and pools, so you can expand from there once the set's powers are revealed.

Nope.

Yes, because all Japanese people are known for is their ability to wield a sword and a gun at the same time.

Wait, what?