DrDestiny

fifth pic. i hesitated to include this, but it was done in november at the request of a friend, so here it is;

Pic Five; real american superhero

Pic Four; Regal

thanks, that's why i did a bit of practice i cut down the pallete used, and only draw the head and shoulders, so i can knock one out in about an hour (as it were)

second one;
Pic Two; Gideon

well here we go...

i've been warming up for this by doing some character portraits, so that's how the first bunch of pics will be.

if the characters drawn are from CoX here, then i'll also include an avatar sized version of the picture if wanted, and if you want your character done, then please pm me with a link to a screenie.

on to the drawings...

Pic One; Aberration

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Next page the skulls will all come alive, right?

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not if i can help it - took waaaay to long to draw 'em

next page done... (page twentynine! sheesh!)

page twentynine

i have a similar problem. my pb is stuck at 40. i started him at the same time as my ws, to see which i liked more, and to begin with, my pb won out. i went for human form on the pb, and tri on the ws, and therein lies my problem i think. as time wore on, the versitility of the tri-form shone out, and my poor, stunted pb has been left standing as a kind of underpowered tanky-scrapper. but this was my fault, for limiting his powers (for sad concept reasons, so i won't respec him)

i love playing my khelds, they're ATs that allow you to respond so much more to any given situation.

i'd also like to hear from those more experienced in playing pb's. have a neutered mine by going human only?

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... Well, I promised GR that I wouldn't comment on these anymore, but... I just HAVE too; sorry GR!

Phantoms, PLEASE don't take this as anything but constructive criticism, OK? I'm NOT trying to get at you, or put you down, or anything. I just want to try to help you become a better writer.

OK, that said, I have to ask... Have you actually sat down and read this yourself? I have a feeling that what you've actually written doesn't bear much resemblance to what you're trying to get across. Sorry, but the whole thing is very disjointed, confusing, and well... Just not particularly intelligible to the reader.

At the end of part 1, we go from a drip of this chemical on your characters foot (I'm presuming he's wearing shoes), to at the start of part 2 with him being terrified of what happened. How is a drop of some chemical scary? You said that he didn't know what it would do, presumably nothing as it landed on his shoe rather than his skin, so why is he terrified?

The bit with William's death doesn't make much sense either, and the part at the end with the hero... How does Alex know this hero's name? Why would he be watching some nondescript researcher who had just spilled a drop of some new chemical on his shoe? What DID the chemical do? And who, really, ever talks like your hero does?

Again, I'm really sorry, but whilst the story you have in your head for this very likely works well, as you imagine it; when written down it just doesn't come across in any legible manner at all. As it stands, the only thing I'm left with after reading it is... confusion. I really just don't have a clue what's going on.

A few suggestions I'd like you to consider before continuing:

1. Get yourself a proof reader. Preferably someone with some experience in writing if you can, and most importantly, someone who will be HONEST with you. Without honest criticism, you will never improve.
2. You've clearly left large periods of time between writing each part, and haven't reviewed what you've written already before doing so; this makes the whole thing even more disjointed and hard to read. It's better to either write the whole thing in one sitting, and perhaps posting it a bit at a time, but finish it first; OR, make sure you properly review what you've already written before continuing.
3. Read it to yourself before posting; several times, and carefully. Don't presume that what you've actually typed is exactly what you had in your mind. Personally, I go through my stories several times, AND get them proof read, before I post them.
4. Do some reading of other peoples works in here. Look at how they construct sentences and paragraphs. Take note that when dialog is present, it's not presented in some disjointed manner, as if the speaker doesn't actually understand the language they're using, but flows naturally just like how people speak in real life.

If you have any questions, please, feel free to contact me via PM. My only aim here is to help you to become a better writer, after all.

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i can't imagine anyone would object to this. without constructive criticism, we can't grow as artists. the secret is being able to take advice on board and use it to improve our work.

i feel my own work really needs an editor, and would always welcome such an honest review.

i think the phantoms' story shows great verve and imagination, if lacking in a little polish, but that's what comes from experience. the more you do something, the better it gets (at least that's what i keep telling myself)

keep going phantoms

Draw the World for me too, but like many others, i wouldn't complain at any choice

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Great work Doc! Im excited to see what happens next!

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thanks

next page... there's an awful lot of drawing on this one. need to give my colouring-in hand a rest i think

page twentyeight

fab!

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Heh, nice! I love the Doc

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Only one word : Bravo !

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thanks very much

next page, and the end confrontation gets closer (finally)

page twentyseven

nice work BB!

thanks Jed

next page, done too fast... anyone would think i'd been spending time blastin' zombies instead of colouring in... this page will go on my 'to re-do' file

page twentysix

Union

OK, come clean, who broke Atlas?

welcome back!

very nice work there Jed!

next page...

i think that a weakness of mine, over the last few pages has been exposed. some of the actual drawing is ok, but the narrative flow, less so. it seems to be looking more like a stop-motion piece, and less like a movie

page twentyfive

doctor destiny, punching bag...

page twentyfour

thanks scarlet

i've changed the artwork now, adding an extra frame at the top showing redlight actually closing in on doc d, which i hope smooths out the narrative a little

many thanks to Tiger from the US boards for his advice

NEW page twentythree

next page follows...

this page is, i think, a good illustration of why i started to do this strip. it's really an extended experiment to see if this style can work in this format or not, and if not, what needs changing. for this page, i went for a more stylised look, and it's one i'm not sure works, but i'm giving it a day or so to see if i change my mind.

opinions are, as always, more than welcome

page twentythree

i'd like to nominate Ravenswing for the story from a rp session, posted here. just a totally enjoyable read

thanks, i really appreciate your comments

page twentytwo has been slightly altered now, with panels two and three swapping to make it read better

thanks phantoms

here's the next page. i'm quite pleased with the last two

page twentytwo

next page, and finally, after twenty pages, some action...

page twentyone