Aisynia

This. It's not like we're asking for Mirror Spirit's (completely freakin' awesome) clothes.

That's what petitions are for >.<

This might surprise you, but I pretty much agree with you 100%. In fact, I got a few giggles while reading that.

Basically, I get TONS and TONS of five stars and very, very good feedback on this arc.. because it relies on someone to allow themselves to get emotionally involved.. nay, entrenched, without trying to overexamine the plot.

As a writer.. getting people seriously engaged emotionally so they can barely think about anything else is great. On the other hand, relying on someone not thinking too much, is well, bad.

This is the product of.. deep emotional scars in my own life.. and wanting to really just let out all kinds of negative, sad emotions into an arc and leave you with a real downer ending, having destroyed who, in better times, could have been like, your best friend. I have a huge, huge feedback list on this arc in game, and about 60% of them mention that the person cried at the end, or was otherwise overcome with emotion. That's completely on purpose.

Unfortunately, this story is full or problems if you start to really examine it. There are several plot holes you either didn't catch or didn't mention.. this is really the one story of mine, in the game or out, that is just.. so damned full of plot holes I can't see straight lol. Every story has plot holes, but this one is swiss cheese.

Not to say the character and the story aren't very near and dear to my heart, just that it suffers because of some mistakes on my part. And given I'm not being paid, and that I actually WON, I have no reason to go correct things. People will like it, or they won't.. so I accept both it's successes and its failures.

Amy is way over-woobified. You can woobify someone and do it right, and make it really have a serious impact.. and then you can go overboard. I did the latter. I'm not sure by how much, but I did. I was blinded by my own deep emotional involvement while writing this and was writing stream of consciousness for Amy, so I just couldn't see it at the time. Oh well.

Aside from the plot holes you didn't mention, and there are several off the top of my head, I think the other main issue is the timey-wimey ball.

This is why I never write time travel stories. This is my first and last. It is VERY difficult to pace a time travel story, or for it to make sense..

BECAUSE TIME TRAVEL IS ******* IMPOSSIBLE.

No matter how you write a time travel story, there will be problems. It's a matter of minimizing those problems while refining the rest of the story so that people just don't notice. Most time travel stories fail on that end, mine included. Arguably, I had it all worked out in my head why time travel was working how it was in this story, but what does it matter? The reader/player isn't privvy to that, you know? If the integrity of your plot relies on an infodump via Word of God, then.. yeah..

The entire plot was an engine to get to that heroic sacrifice at the end, which is really the huge problem tying all the other little problems together. Every plot point needs to exist for itself and the greater story simultaneously, not just one or the other.

This is one of my most poorly written stories, I will say it plain as day, just like that.

I think Amy is one of my most will written characters though. You can agree or disagree all you want She was written completely stream of consciousness, with myself personally immersed in her part emotionally (I was crying through a lot of the times she was). I felt like, regardless of what actually was happening around her, and whether it always made sense or not, that she herself behaved in a very human manner.

Some people think she's being too emo and whatnot, but really.. have all the **** that just happened to her, happen to you in a span of a little less than two days, and let's see how you're holding together Most people would not handle it any better, some would just curl into a little ball.

Others wrongly think that she is an example of a weak female lead.. but to me, she is a very strong person. She sticks to her morals to the point it gets her family killed, and then weighed down with the feeling that she is herself responsible for their deaths, along with just being punished at every turn, has the willpower to go on, the drive to continue, to see it through and get justice for her family. And then at the end, has the strength to sacrifice herself for those she loves.

I am proud of her as a character, the story, it would take a lot to fix it, and I have no interest in doing so, nor the time to do it even if I were interested.

It won, and I get a lot of positive feedback, and that's good enough for me

Thank you for your honest review. I am glad you weren't a malicious ***** this time around, I actually like you somewhat now (I'm sure you are overjoyed LOL).

That sounds cool, I might do that some time.

I'm sure everyone here will be really interested in my opinion.

(lol)

I have a 9800 GT right now. My birthday is the day after Christmas, so upon request, I can get one big expensive combined present instead of two. I think I am going to be begging for GTX 285 I'm pushing 30, but my aunt still likes to spoil me

Luckily, the rest of my family is easier to shop for (got stuff for my infant nephew too!)

Since that's almost exactly what's going on? Yeah, you do.

Seriously.

I called it a horror movie. Scared the **** out of me.

Neat I never thought of looking at it that way

Oh shush, she's just having fun. Go piss in someone else's cheerios.