Who else can't stop crying?

I haven't cried and may well not, but damn if my day (and beyond) wasn't ruined - I'd just finished making yet another cool alt when I got into Atlas and heard the news. "Don't take my toy away from me, I just got this one!"

I found it hard to sleep last night too. e.e

Last night, I watched the new Doctor Who, then went downstairs to watch some more episodes of Castle on DVD with my mum (Season 3, 21 & 22). With the eps watched, I gave mum a hug and was thinking about going upstairs like I usually do to play a bit of CoH.

Then I realised it wouldn't be possible all too soon, and I started crying.

For seven and a half (or more!) years, City of Heroes and the CoH boards have been part of my daily routine. As soon as the laptop is on the first tab to load in Firefox is the City Life boards. I'd wake up and check what new posts have gone on. I'd come home from work and check the new posts. I'd log in around 9pm for some RP or gaming.

(And hell do I like routine and normality. I'd get antsy and upset if someone had taken my chair in class back when I was a college student. That chair was mine because it had the shortest distance to a power socket for my laptop, didn't get the glare of the sun on it, gave me a nice view of the board, and let me check up on the boards after my quick typing speed had let me copy the notes down quicker than everyone writing on paper.)

When a Beta was on, I'd check the Dev and Community digests for patch notes and such. I got so excited hearing the plans for Ice Blast changes. So looking forwards to Quickfrost using those holds with more damage and oomph to them.

And pretty soon... that'll no longer be the case. So I dried my eyes, came upstairs, made a blog post on my feelings, checked the boards to see what was going on, and worked on some fiction.

I cried almost non-stop the first day or two and then I became physically ill from the experience. I slept in the entire day, got a huge headache it was rough. Now I'm avoiding almost all of the threads here because I don't want to start up again.

I was at work when I got the news and fortunately had something else to occupy my mind. Then I held it together pretty well until 11:00 ish, which is fortunate because it hit my poor girlfriend a lot harder.

It's been catching up with me.

I was on the road Fri/Sat and was able to hold it together then, but after arriving home this morning I've pretty much been a wreck all day.

It has floored me twice.

I have a sinking feeling just looking at the computer now.

<《 New Colchis / Guides / Mission Architect 》>
"At what point do we say, 'You're mucking with our myths'?" - Harlan Ellison

Friday 12:50PM ... Sitting in my car at lunch time and figured I would check the forums real quick before heading in to work.... BOOM! I thought maybe it was a joke and I missed the tiny print at the bottom of the announcement so I typed COH into google and there was an article about it.....

Instant Depression.

I texted a friend who I play with almost daily the past few years...and he thought I was kidding... he read the announcement and texted me back that he was in shock and devastated.

I returned to work and sat there....stunned. Realizing the toons I would never make (War Mace/Bio Brute was my next toon). Sitting there realizing Issue 24 would never hit... Thinking of all my friends in game that I would never get the chance to play with again after Nov 30th... Realizing that from this moment on the game would feel different with the impending closure...

I headed to the bathroom to gain my composure and ... I cried

I work in a prison...with murderers, rapists, etc etc... and after exiting the bathroom and getting back into my office I had to speak with a guy who murdered a woman while robbing her and he asked me "are you ok??" I looked at him and all I could think to say was "I just got some bad news about a friend." Because that is what CoH and the people I play with are to me...friends. So here I sit barely holding my composure and across the desk form me is a cold blooded murderer telling me he is sorry....

After my session with him I packed up my belongings and went home. I drove around for a few hours because I didn't want to come home and get on the computer because that would make it real...I didn't want to log in and have to admit that this login would bring me one day closer to never being able to play again.

Today I didn't play. I logged in for roughly 10 minutes and when I saw that only 1 global friend was on I cried more. So I sat around - took a nap (had a bad headache) - and have read the forums over and over. Sitting here typing this I started crying again. I knew CoH wouldn't be around forever, but the suddenness of it all is just hitting me hard. I wanted to stop playing CoH when I chose to not because it would no longer be around. I have played for 7.5 years. I started playing this game with my Ex (Obviously wasn't my Ex at the time). I have made and lost many friends. Recently I joined a few global chans and made some great friends - all of whom I am going to miss so much.

And now I am crying again...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paladiamors I love you, I Burnt the Toast!

*tosses out more hugs for everyone*

I'm just sharing for whatever it is worth... Today was a little more annoying for me. The sadness/disappointment seemed to turn more into resentment and anger (normal, I know).
My mind would just think about CoH stuff... then I'd get bummed about the impending doom... then I'd get pissed at those fools responsible.
Combine that with reading some more posts today (from developer and player alike)...
Plus, my wife and I had been traveling a good amount this month and we had this weekend with basically no plans... Both of us were looking forward to a quiet (well, I'm rarely quiet), peaceful, fun weekend catching up on some CoH playing.
We'd both not played very much during August and were somewhat jonesing to do some playing.

I've logged in briefly, but I just can't really have fun with it right now. I have fun for a little bit, but every positive thought leads to the negative.
I'll get past that, mostly (hopefully, hehe)... But, right now, it's all just leading to negative thoughts... other than talking and reading and commiserating with all of you.

I still do not doubt that something can happen to turn things around (most likely another publisher coming in and buying it from NCSoft... although I fear NCSoft may be unwilling or unreasonable).

It just keeps on getting to me... This product has no business being removed from availability.
It is profitable, it is high quality service and it has the customers highly satisfied.
It's not profitable enough?
It just irks me to no end... Paragon Studios deserves to be treated like true champions with what they do with this game and this community.

Yeah... I'm pissed.
The good thing is... there are paths and steps to take to help and see if anything can be done. It doesn't have to end in success, but I'll damn well be a part of making the attempt... because no attempt is automatic failure anyway.

We'll see if we get any news once the American work week starts up on Tuesday.

Hang in there, everyone. Any which way... we'll make it through.

I haven't cried. I have straight bawled.

I love this game so much. My super group is family to me. I have been with them since a few months after I started in '06.

Yes I knew the game wouldn't last forever.... but this is just so sudden.

So yup, been crying alot. Sick to my stomach. Numb. Dazed... Anyone that says its just a MMO, deal with it, obviously didn't get to fully experiance the sense of family that the community gave.

Much more then 'just a game'.

I am a founding member and custodian of a very old supergroup, founded in 2005. In early '06 the original founder left for WoW and left me in charge. I started playing WoW later in '06 but kept the group going.

There are characters who haven't logged in for 2,400+ days on the roster. I remember these players. I hope some of them log in again.

<《 New Colchis / Guides / Mission Architect 》>
"At what point do we say, 'You're mucking with our myths'?" - Harlan Ellison

One unexpected side effect of all this...

I cant look at an Excel spreadsheet now without getting misty-eyed.

If you know my post history you may have an idea how much I worked on Excel while posting on these forums...

I didn't cry, but my sleeping got entirely messed up and I've been beside myself since Friday. I didn't really get to enjoy my weekend very much. This still has me upset.