Inside Scoop

For the average gang or para-military organization member life is not all beer and skittles. If it weren't bad enough that every hero and villain was gunning at them with xp flames in their eyes... they have issues with their own organizations as well.

Here are a few of the complaints I heard during some casual conversations between battles.

* Skulls: "Well, it's not easy bein' at the bottom of the food chain now isn' it? I mean... it's bad enough that we got a badge tha's not even spelled properly... Our symbol is a skull... I mean.. a real frakkin' SKULL! D'you know what happened to my health insurance premiums when I told 'em I wore a real human skull as a mask? Not very hygenic, don't you know..."

* Vahzilok: "I can't complain... well.. I mean I COULD... but I shouldn't... When you flunk out of pre-med and your parents are still jacked about you becoming the first doctor in the family... well... I mean I couldn't very well tell 'em the TRUTH, now could I? Lucky for me my father was a butcher... strangely enough the Vahzilok value the skills I got in his shop more than those I got in school..."

* Hellions: "Being a Hellion would be a lot better if the danged boss would take my advice and buy Bactine at a bulk discount..."

* Lost: "Now, you didn't hear this from me... but we have power swords... we got energy rifles and pistols... we rob banks and take rich, powerful people as hostages... but we still dress like transients with free access to the city dump. I mean COME ON! I know we used to be homeless... I get that... but can't we be allowed SOME kind of fashion? We're supposed to become Rikti someday... and they're pretty snazzy dressers... now that they're not running around naked anymore that is..."

* Trolls: "Me am have no complaints... Me hear that ignorance is bliss... Me not sure what ignorance is... but it am make me happy..."

* Outcasts: "Each of the sub-groups, fire, earth, ice and we lightning Outcasts all poke fun at each other. I suppose it's all meant in good humor but one more smurf joke... just ONE... and I'm going to introduce one of these freakin' jokers to my teabag taser move..."

* 5th Column: "It's all right, I guess. I mean, we got snazzy uniforms and we get to play with weapons and all that... but... I'm from Jersey... I don't speak German... I don't even know what my job title is... I can't even PRONOUNCE it... and can someone explain to me where the heck happened to the first four columns? No one seems to want to talk about it..."

* Tsoo: "Powers are nice... but the tatoos freaking HURT... and I'm a bleeder!"

* Arachnos: "I just don't feel like they appreciate me as an individual."

* Warriors: "You know what? I just wanted to swing a sword at some heads. The biggest dream I had was someday really decapitating someone... WHACK thump thump thump... ya know? But the boss is SO into this whole 'Geek Tragedy' thing! I thought we was gonna be bustin' some skulls... not holdin' one up and quotin' Shakespeare in some stupid play... and if one more punk calls me a LARPer... I'm gonna have to kill him... once I find out what the hell a LARPer is..."

* Freakshow: "It'll be better once they figure out a more efficient battery design... I'm tired of runnin' out juice in the middle of a fight... still... it's better than the extension cord idea... nothin' worse than running away from a battle and reachin' the end of your 'rope' so to speak... and the 'lectric bills were outrageous! Had to rob banks just to keep the gang alive... literally!"

* Malta: "It would be fine if everyone could maintain a professional demeanor... If I come across one more sapper who thinks the old 'here let's shake on it' hand buzzer endurance drain routine is funny I think I'm going to vomit."

* Longbow: "I don't know if you've noticed but.... well... these uniforms ride up... a LOT."

* Carnival of Shadows: "I realize the masks... like... are the source of our... like... power and stuff... but I will TOTALLY... like... hurl... if one more guy says I have a butter face... I like... don't even know what that means.. but like... it doesn't sound good... because like butter is all gnarly and greasy... and my face is like TOTALLY not greasy... I totally like moisturize and stuff..."

* Crey: "I was told this would be the fast track to becoming a Mad Scientist with my own gig... Then I read my employment contract and that little 'intellectual property' clause."

* Devouring Earth: "It's the humans that are the most annoying part really... I'm not just talking about the heroes or the industrialists who are destroying the planet... I think the most annoying thing is the stoners... I mean.. I KNOW I'm a walking, talking Shroom... but it gets really annoying the way they follow me around trying to take bites out of me."

* Nemesis: "The steam powered weapons are bad... granted... stylish but dangerous, you know? I can't say the uniform thrills me... I always feel like I'm in some evil super-army with a marching band fetish. But the part that really makes me consider retirement? The Nemesis Automatons... I can't put my hands on it right now but I'm SURE my employment contract had a 'planned obsolescence' clause in it..."

* Knives of Artemis: "I don't hate men... I LIKE men... I'd like to DATE a guy once in a while... but I just mention what I do for a living and they're all like 'hey... I can hook you up with my sister if you like'..."

* Cimerorans: "Comfortable? Yes, very comfortable... but drafty as all hell... and don't get me started about chilly days..."

* Dopplegangers: "You never feel like you're allowed to express your individuality... you know?"

* Circle of Thorns: "Steal a body... insert your ancient soul into the stolen body... live forever... Sounds like a great deal, doesn't it? And it is normally... unless you p*ss off the guy who assigns who gets what body... then... not so good..."

* Luddites: "I had an existential dilema a few weeks ago... I couldn't resolve denying and decrying the use of all technological devices when I, myself, am a character in a computer game and therefor owe my very existence to technology... luckily Friar Dave counselled me... it's amazing how effectively you can counsel someone with a shillelagh."

* Red Caps: "What's under the cap? What's under the cap? I get so tired o' always bein' asked that question. We Red Caps are a wee bit sensitive about such things... so stop tryin' ter snatch the hats from our heads! Do you have any idea how long it takes to tuck a four foot afro back under the bloody thing?!"

* Scrapyarders: "Eh.... it's a living."

* Void Hunters: "Do you know how hard it is to hunt a Void? They don't leave tracks you know."

* Infected: "You know... just between you and me... this stuff tastes like s**t..."

Steelclaw on top form. Lol'd at every one, literally
11/10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zwillinger GG, I would tell you that "I am killing you with my mind", but I couldn't find an emoticon to properly express my sentiment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Photon NOTE: The Incarnate System is basically farming for IOs on a larger scale, and with more obtrusive lore.