The Continuing Adventures of Pro Payne

Thanks for the replay and taking the time to go over it again in detail.

I haven't made any serious changes since it was published, just an odd wording here and there, but after this re-review and Venture's recent posting I'm considering a couple, just to try and clarify a couple of points (as much as this sort of arc will allow anyways)*. And I am glad it felt clearer on the second time through as that was sort of a factor I had in mind while writing it; I wanted it to feel like a puzzle that unlocks more upon subsequent plays.

Thanks again!

*Assuming I don't find more of my arcs broken by recent bugs, after I do my best to run through all the arcs up for consideration this year. Man I wish I had more play time.

Huh. Hey Coulomb- was poking through the thread, and discovered that I cannot for the life of me find your review of Small Fears, which I could swear I remember you doing (well, that and you rated it, at least >.>).

I've done some recent editing of it- would you be interested in a re-run, or is this one of those 'buried in requests, maybe next millennium' things?

Today is a very special episode of the Adventures of Pro Payne, as I play (while staying true to the spirit of the arc, I hope)…

A Very Special Episode #457506 by @Wrong Number

During one of my many patrols of the mean streets of Paragon City I duck into an alley hoping to find a crime to twart. Instead I find an abandoned TV. That’s on. And showing me a news cast where it is reported that beloved TV hero Blappy has vanished. The TV tells me I might want to start at Blappy’s studio, and interrogate her rather shady agent. And if I saw it on TV, it must be true, right? So off I go.

Merle (the agent) doesn’t really seem to know what exactly is going on either – Blappy vanished right after doing today’s episode. But the studio’s got bigger problems: it’s overrun by Nemesis “negotiators” wanting to secure a “partnership” between Blappy and His Lordship Percy, son of Nemesis. I put a stop to that, but am no closer to locating Blappy – beyond Percy telling me she left with some of Nemesis’ troops.

Note: Always been just a bit troubled by Percy just being a Fake Nemesis robot (it’d be nice if you could color them, but you can’t). This time around an odd idea popped into my head. What about using the steampuck and other robotic costume parts to actually make what looks like a small “clockwork” child? It does seem oddly fitting that Nemesis would just “make” a son, rather than have one (Of course, for all I know, Percy is just a particularly sophisticated AI in a Fake Nemesis body). To be fair though, the notion of me ‘not being sure its him’ as he’s led out in cuffs because he’s got something thrown over is head is some nice low-key humor.

…of course, beating up on what looks like a small child, even one that looks clearly robotic, might not be the best idea.

Perhaps watching TV will give me another idea. And it does! It shows me Blappy’s sidekick going into a warehouse in the Rogue Isles. I’d better make sure she’s okay…

Oh no! The whole warehouse is crawling with villain minions waiting to be hired on for their next gig. Bright Angel must be in trouble! What’s even more disturbing is the fact that there are Nemesis soldiers here negotiating with members of the Injustice Legion – both side are arguing over who gets to make Blappy an offer!


Oh, Bright Angel. What kind of trouble have you run off and gotten yourself into now? Where’s Blappy? Maybe she can help you…

What’s worse, after I rescue her, Bright Angel angrily informs me that Blappy’s evil and she’s no sidekick! I find the Injustice Legion’s representative, Junkyard Dog, further in; he’s excited at the prospect of making a deal with Blappy. This is looking bad for Blappy.

I follow Bright Angel to another warehouse, hot on Blappy’s trail. She goes in first, but is eager to show me proof of Blappy’s evil ways. Blappy, evil? Nah, that can’t be right. Bright Angel must be mistaken. She just a sidekick, after all.

Note: The use of dialog to make Bright Angel complain about her lot in life as she is injured works really well, and the custom group is very well done.

I find a computer with a bunch of e-mails, and “convince” another Injustice Legion member (Sis Boom Ba) to give up the passwords. There I find out that Blappy’s just sealed a deal to join the Injustice Legion (say it isn’t so Blappy!). It also looks like that dastardly Wrong Number is involved – and even made an offer to somebody else when Blappy seemed hesitant. Fortunately, the e-mail told me where the deals would be made, so off I went.

Soon after I enter I run across Berle (Blappy’s agent) intent on getting his ‘talent’ back. I also find Wrong Number (who appears to have an updated description – I remembered something about her trying to relax in the bath and somebody kept calling her by mistake – or to try to sell her something – until she flipped out and became a villain. But all that seems to be gone), who is keen on waiting for backup to arrive before breaking the news to her secondary offer that Blappy came through, so her services were unnecessary.

Deeper in I find the newly renamed Blight Angel, and quickly defeat her. So THAT’S what’s going on! CLEARLY Bright Angel has been working for evil all along, and has managed to brainwash Blappy into joining the Injustice Legion. No problem! I’m sure I can break the spell over Blappy through the always therapeutic power of savage (fiery) beating.

And sure enough, once Blappy wakes up from her short-lived coma, she’s back to her old, spunky self! I think just to celebrate, I’m going to have the entire children’s ward come by to beg for her autograph!

And, of course, that vile, evil Blight Angel gets hauled off to jail. Probably for life. Isn’t it wonderful when justice prevails?

Note: As always, very solid arc overall. Easy five stars. Although not really reflected in the review, the mission briefings are very entertaining – the TV (albeit heroside) has been represented very well. And, most important, the arc is very entertaining to play through.

Score: 5.33 (5 stars)

Thanks for the awesome review, I love the perspective it is written from and that you enjoyed so much. Wrong Number and in fact all of the "main" IL baddies origins were all rewritten to better reflect the story. Almost all of the TV shows in the return text are new and most feature cameos from community authors. . It's clear the 20+ hours I put into reworking this arc has paid off.


WN

Ah, derp... just read things more carefully, and discovered that my memory was faulty- Small Fears was included in the list of 'played, but not reviewed'- I was thinking of your run through one of my other arcs >.O

First, I’ll post what was to be Monday’s arc. Unfortunately, while working on this, I got laid low by a very nasty virus and was bedridden for two days – I wasn’t able to finish it until today.

And today, Pro Payne’s adventure will be the last in the list of (thus far very good) heroic arcs:

A Mosaic of Shattered Dreams #497506 by @Avonlea

During a patrol in Kings Row I stumble across a building fire. Katie Evans, daughter of a former contact of mine, runs up to me, begging me to rescue her mother, Trisha, who is inside. Within, I find Council – but the Council goons appear to be hired out by a pair of villains who belong to an organization called the “mosaic.” Arachnos is in on the action too – but it is unclear if their presence is in opposition to the mosaic villain, or if they are also there to help “the plan” (whatever that is).

Sadly, Trisha has already been slain by the time I get to her – murdered quite brutally by the mosaic villains. As I comfort little Katie, I silently swear to bring Trisha’s murderers to justice.

A few moments later, I hear word on the police scanner that there is an attack on a Portal Corporation lab – one where Katie’s father works. I race to the scene to find the lab overrun by robots. They appear to actually be the lab’s “worker robots” – but have been reprogrammed to attack.

Of course, the mosaic is also here.

Note: I’d be wary of linking an ambush to a “Front” boss detail, knowing that the front boss will most likely spawn into one of those lab “rooms of death.” (This particular lab map has a room of death as its front room). Which means you end up fighting the boss spawn, the other two spawns in the room of death, and then the ambush spawn all at once. And the mobs are Praetorian clockwork – which aren’t exactly pushovers. Thankfully, I had several greens, and enough purples to softcap myself, so I did (barely) pull through without defeat.

I quickly defeat two mosaic villains and rescue several scientists, but Katie’s father (Nathan) is nowhere to be found. At least he may still be alive.

It’s now clear that Katie’s whole family is being targeted by the mosaic. With growing dread, I realize Katie must be next. I race back only to find she’s already gone…

Desperate for a lead, I contact Longbow. Nearly all of their attempts to determine a relationship between the ‘mosaic’ villains comes up empty – but they do find references to a ‘Project Mosaic’ at an Arachnos base in the Isles.

I investigate, and learn Mosaic is actually the code-name for a person – a shapeshifter with telepathic abilities engineered by Arachnos. He escaped some time ago. Unfortunately, the way he was ‘conditioned’ by Arachnos might also lead to a kind of split personality disorder: he might actually come to believe he actually *is* the person he is impersonating.

Great. That means Nathan *is* Mosaic. Some time ago he must have escaped the Rogue Isles and taken the persona of Nathan – which, unfortunately means that the real Nathan has been dead since before I got involved in this. Nathan’s journals indicate he’s started ‘blacking out’ too. When Mosaic first took Nathan’s form, he must have been ‘temporarily’ reprogrammed with Nathan’s personality and memories. But now that’s coming undone – the monster is “waking up” as it were.

The villains I’ve been fighting are just various forms Mosaic is taking. The bad news: he’s got Katie, and I have no idea if she’s even still alive. The good news: Arachnos put a tracking device on him, so at least I should be able to find him…

The device leads me to an abandoned hospital Mosaic has been using as a base of operations. There I find the bodies of all of Mosaic’s many victims – including the villains I’d faced previously. Mosaic was now taking my form, with the interesting side effect that he now thought he was ‘me’ – even spouting lines about how ‘he’d never let me hard Katie.’

Arachnos got in on the fun too – unsure as to who to attack, they picked both of us. Eventually, though, I defeated Mosaic, kept Arachnos from getting him back, and … found Katie.

She’d been dead for months. Nathan wasn’t Mosaic at all (although the writing makes it seem as though Mosaic had spent time as Nathan.) – it had been Katie all along.


I see dead people…

Then it got weirder … apparently Nathan had been there (in Mosaic’s Lair). The authorities had found him after the fact, and surmised he had been alive until just recently, and was probably killed in the crossfire. Mosaic had been keeping him there; for what purpose I couldn’t know. Worse, Mosaic had yet again given everybody the slip. Fortunately, he still had the tracking device on.

Note: Hmm … the way Nathan figures into this actually seems (IMO) somewhat arbitrary and tacked on. At first glace, it almost makes the final mission seem unnecessary (at first, I was under the impression it was just some excuse to extend the arc to five missions and force me to fight mosaic yet again, for no good reason than just to keep the story going). That would have been bad … but I was wrong. The *real* problem (for me) was how the ending of the story was presented.

See, right now the first four missions build a coherent and tight story where (with growing horror) you learn that all of these different villains you’ve been fighting have actually been the same villain, and the man you’ve been trying to rescue, Nathan, has been the bad guy all along. You then find and defeat Mosaic.

Suddenly, you learn Mosaic was actually Katie, and Nathan’s been alive all along. Except he’s not *really* alive cause now he’s suddenly dead. Oh, and Mosaic got away too, so you better go get him. My response: Huh?! That’s kind of jarring. And it’s jarring because it just comes out of nowhere.

My suggestion is that Nathan (and his death) actually needs to factor into mission four more directly (the fact he’d be dead wouldn’t be a surprise at all, given Mosaic’s M.O.), and use it in a way to foreshadow the plot twist – which can be done without really giving the twist away. For example, you could put into the mission an Arachnos spawn where the boss and minions are using that “carry the body bag” emote. (A “defend object” emote might be an alternate way to set it up too) When you defeat the boss, you get a clue mentioning that one of the bodies was that of Nathan, which isn’t surprising at all. Strangely, though, the body only looks recently deceased and appears to have died of a gunshot wound. And leave it at that. Then, in the mission four debrief, you can mention that Nathan appeared to have actually been alive, but was killed when the Arachnos troops mistook him for Mosaic and fired on him. Couple that with a clue you get when you defeat the version of Mosaic who looks like you that makes it clear Mosaic actually got away (apologies – that might have been in the ‘you defeated him’ objective text, but something that critical to the plot often deserves a clue): you look away for a moment, and when you look back, he’s vanished, and there’s only a few spots of blood where his body lay (or something like that).

The story continues…
This time, he didn’t seem interested in running. Instead, he wanted to confront me directly, and turn himself in. I’m guessing when I defeated him in his lair, it allowed Katie’s personality to ‘take over.’ “Katie” was hoping to find a “cure” – I surmised a way to make “Katie’s” personality permanent, or at least retain the “good” personalities he (Mosaic) had absorbed while purging the evil ones. Mosaic would have me believe that he was a villain not because he’d been created that way, but because his escape into the Rogue Isles meant that the first personalities he’d absorbed had been heartless villains.

I was skeptical – and wary of the risk of releasing a potentially deadly shapeshifter back into the city now that I effectively had him cornered. But the truth is Mosaic didn’t have to seek me out and ask for help (he could have just up and disappeared). I’m not a murderer; If Mosaic wasn’t going to fight, then I was going to take him into custody.
And thus ended Mosaic’s story …

Overall, a really well done story arc that really only seemed to develop a rough spot (discussed above) right at the end.

The use of ‘dead bodies’ in the lab (must be nonresponsive allies or something set to the ‘dead’ emote – or something similar) was VERY neat – I haven’t seen anything like that before pulled of in MA.

Score: 5.07 (5 stars)

And now it’s time for Pro Payne to start on the next category…

Best Arc – Comedy

Pro Payne has actually been at level 50 for some time now, and so it stands to reason that it is time for him to get in on some Incarnate action. So today, Pro Payne will strike against Emperor Mole, and his lieutenant, Molerauder by sabotaging Lambda Section in…

Whack a Mole: Lambda Sector #508837 by @Bubbawheat

I join the LFG queue to head to Lambda Sector, and soon after the obnoxious green button comes up commanding me to enter the trial. I refuse, since I want to see what else the LFG queue has to say: it informs me that 15 of 16 have joined the trial, so I must be the lone holdout. Don’t you just hate that one guy who won’t press the green button?

What?

Oh, right… okay, so I hit the button and head into Lambda sector. Apparently my other 15 teammates are fetching the Mole-lecular acids, leaving me to get the Weapons Caches. (No, that’s not actually in there, but I thought it was funny). I defeat Emperor Mole’s footsoldiers (which are very well done parodies of the actual IDF forces) and collect the grenades.

Then I find Molerauder. Just when I think I’ve defeated him, he jumps to another part of the map, and enrages (Note: Really nice touch on the emotes – especially the beating the chest one that mimics what he does in the real Lambda trial’s cutscene when he drinks the serum).

I track him down, but he just jumps to yet another part of the map.


You know, I kind of wish I’d actually let him beat me once, just to see if he says what he’s *supposed* to say…

Third time’s a charm. This time, Molerauder goes down for good. And I get an uncommon component.

And now Pro Payne has unlocked his Interface slot, and can start crafting incarnate powers.

Note: Silly though it is, I’ve decided that this ‘qualifies’ as unlocking Pro Payne’s incarnate abilities.

It’s a lot of humor packed into a short, sweet little arc. Really, it’s the amount of satire, and the little details that just make the arc: the custom group is very well done, mob descriptions are – by and large – satirical versions of what the real IDF mob descriptions are, dialog is very good – true to the actual things Mauauder says in the trial, but still satirized, and objective placement leads to a very smooth progression in the mission (it was always clear where to go next and what to do).

Score: 5.042* (5 stars)

*While remembering that my scoring system is BS anyway, it’s worth noting that for purposes of the Players Choice contest the scores for the comedy arcs might be quite different from what I’d normally give as an “official” score, since I’m putting extra emphasis on whether the arc does what the category is looking for – did I find it funny?

Hey Coulomb2, thanks a lot for the review!

I am really glad you enjoyed it. I am thinking about creating a "purely" villainous version of the arc where only the last mission would be different.

If I do, I'll make sure to put it in your queue!

Today, Pro Payne will learn that…

Dating Ms Liberty Isn't Easy #464550 by @Jinkobi

You know what? My title has pretty much been the same for the last 25 months. It’s time for a change. Something new and grandiose to reflect my newfound incarnate awesomeness (tremble, criminals, before my two common-level incarnate powers!) So off to Ms. Liberty I head. Only I find she’s got problems of her own. Apparently someone is stalking her, writing her love letters and other nonsense. I decide to help her out.

I start by trying to track down her stalker – and also destroy the truckloads of ‘shopped photos (in the form of newspaper articles) of her and said stalker in compromising positions.

Note: Why the heck is Longbow hostile to me?! Aren’t they on Ms. Libery’s side, like me? Oh, and the custom group (which is funny) needs to have a spawnable boss, so they give more than 50% XP. Hmm … why are heroes attacking me. You know … I assumed this was a heroic arc – I should check on that once I get out of the mission.

Checking…: Nope. Heroic. Seems weird (not comedy-weird either) that I’m beating up heroes.

More Notes: That said, the Heckions are actually pretty funny. They need more than just minions – but that was satire that brought a smile to my face. Hey, comedy is subjective *and* hit-or-miss. The ‘random players’ struck me as having some funny stuff and some stuff that fell flat; the Heckions were pretty amusing. Now if only the groups could be filled out with the other needed ranks.

Anyway, I destroyed all of the incriminating materials, and put the stalker in the hospital. It was time to go brag to Ms. Liberty.

Apparently my bravado had some unexpected benefits. Ms. Liberty thinks I’m cute, and, hey, why not just ask her out on a date? She’s receptive, but her psycho Grandpa (Statesman) is going to put me through a ‘test’ to determine if I’m ‘worthy.’ Bring it.

So I head to the Vanguard base, fight a few soldiers States sets on me, and then he tells me that he’s going to put me through a series of challenges. The first one is to protect a Vanguard bomb from being destroyed by Vanguard soldiers. Vanguard, being a rather difficult faction, quickly dispatches me (well, the ambush does anyway), and destroys the bomb. Mission failed.

Ms. Liberty isn’t happy I failed “Grandpa’s” challenges. But decides we’ll go on a date anyway. (And – after a fashion – suggests quitting out and restarting as an option – which I’d actually do if this was the *first* mission, but not the second.) Okay, I’ll play along. Note: Actually, trying to spin the mission failure as a clichéd “if the authority figure doesn’t like you now, that just makes me like you even more” might play better here. The way it’s presented right now just highlights the fact mission failure really is meaningless (beyond the fact that whatever comedy was planned for the rest of the mission is now lost to the audience – always a risk when you make a mission in a comedy arc fail able).

So anyway, since Ms. Liberty is still up for that date, we head over to the Longbow Officer’s club. Unfortunately, one of her many ex’s, unable to deal with the breakup, ruins the evening by crashing the party and challenging me to a fight. He loses, but the whole incident puts kind of a pall on the evening and so I just call it a night and take Ms. Liberty home.

Since Ms. Liberty still wants to try for a ‘good’ date, she asks me if I’d come with her to judge a costume contest. I check my day planner and sure enough, I’m free, so, you know, why not?

Once again, we head to Atlas Park, where I meet Ms. Liberty and then proceed to judge the costume contestants. Note: Like the first mission, AP is populated with humorous “satire” characters and most everything on the map is hostile. Also like before, comedy or no that just doesn’t make much sense. Why would I be hostile to a bunch of heroes? For that matter, why are the police hostile to me?


On the plus side, brutally beating down scores of newbie heroes means Ms. Liberty won’t actually need to worry about training them.

After judging the contest, I end up having to fend off three more of Ms. Liberty’s ex boyfiends. Note: Oddly, the ‘Texan’ stereotype looked like Santa Claus in a toga, which was weird – but the other two actually did look like the stereotype they were supposed to represent.

Well, enough was enough. Sure I like Ms. Liberty and all, but if all of our dates involve me beating down her ex’s, it’s just not going to work out. Especially if dating Ms. Liberty makes Longbow and the PPD want to attack me on sight.

Notes: The arc definitely has its funny moments, and the basic premise works just fine for me: the author (based on the arc description) seems worried that players are going to take issue with the ‘absurdist’ premise behind how the canonical characters are presented in the arc. But that doesn’t bother me at all – I’m perfectly happy to play along. Technically the arc is put together quite well: the missions progressed forward smoothly enough, and complex objectives were used quite well. But the arc does have some significant flaws, in spite of all the hard work that clearly went into it. There are a *lot* of grammar errors (sentence fragments especially), and not of the ‘I’m just writing the way people talk’ variety (which wouldn’t be an issue). As mentioned before, there are plenty of hostile factions where it doesn’t make sense at all why they’d be hostile (and there’s nothing explaining it in the briefings or their descriptions). It could be made to work, but in my honest opinion, the author needs to put more effort into explaining why newbie heroes, Longbow, and the PPD are attacking me on sight. A bit of “backstory” could turn that from weird to actually funny. As for the groups themselves, they really do need all ranks present. That “newbie hero” group, in particular, has so many members that there’s really no reason to select a few and make them lieutenants and bosses. It wouldn’t hurt to make higher rank versions of the other factions too (like the Harsh Judges), although that’s not quite as critical as making the main opponent group of the arc worth full XP. Of course, as already mentioned, there is certainly a risk in making one of the missions fail able. Does it upset me that I failed? No, not this time. Do I feel inclined to ‘take points off’? Nope. But maybe the fact I didn’t see the whole mission did cause me to miss some things that would have made me add points… it might be worth rethinking whether you *really* want that mission to be able to fail (or, if some of the ‘tests’ can’t be failed, perhaps put those first so you see more of the mission before you have a chance to fail).

Like most comedy arcs, the humor here is certainly hit or miss, which isn’t a bad thing. Everybody has different tastes. I did think there were several missed opportunities to use clues to add to the humor (for example, every time you defeat an ex, or for each ‘costume judgement’ you get humorous clue).

So my opinion? The arc’s got a lot of promise, but I did feel like it needed some work.

Score: 4.485* (4 stars “official”, 5 stars in game)

*While remembering that my scoring system is BS anyway, it’s worth noting that for purposes of the Players Choice contest the scores for the comedy arcs might be quite different from what I’d normally give as an “official” score, since I’m putting extra emphasis on whether the arc does what the category is looking for – did I find it funny?

Today, Pro Payne comes out of semi-retirement to face an old arc, and one it’s high time I gave an actual review. When MA first came out Small Fears was one of the first arcs I played, and I remembered it as “very well done.” It was atmospheric, very non-standard in how the objectives worked (for its time), and had a great story. These days, the arc, mechanically, really resembles a lot of the newer content the devs have put out – which is remarkable considering Small Fears did it first!

Suffice it to say, it’s an arc I’ve held in high regard. So let’s see how it has stood the test of time (taking into account, of course, some reworking by the author)…

Small Fears (Arc ID#12285, 5 stars)

I am faced with a psychic projection … it is a young child trying to tell me that something is coming. It is something that wants us to be afraid of the things that go bump in the night – the things that scared us as children, but that we stopped being afraid of when we grew up. It’s coming for all of us, but it will take the children first.

The projection warns me that it has already struck at the school, and the children there need to be rescued before it is too late.

The experience is unnerving, but rescuing children is the kind of thing heroes like me do, so I head to the school, hoping this isn’t some sort of trap…

It’s not a trap … or at least the psychic projection seemed to be telling the truth about there being real danger. The school looks run down and abandoned, and is crawling with what seem to be “phantom terrors” from a typical childhood.

Interestingly, the weakest of the phantoms are the ephemeral, but unreal, fears that torment young children – the monster under the bed, the thing hiding in your closet, and so on. But the more powerful phantoms are also more “real” in the sense they are “actual” threats from childhood – like the schoolyard bully.

One type of phantom stands out, however – occasionally I run across something called a phobophage – it’s like a little demonling that actively feeds on fear. They accompany the phantoms, and I suspect they might be related to whatever is driving this.

Note: Already the arc is as impressive and well done as I remember, and I’ve noticed the little “touches” that have been added here and there to improve it. The customs are (so far) not overpowering, and they have well done descriptions.

The first child I rescue hints that there are more children trapped here than I’d at first thought. He begs me to rescue Marilee too. I find her further in, and am able to free her from the phantoms that threaten her, feeding on her fear.

WOAH! The police (and Longbow) show up to help escort her out. Very interesting! It not only saves me from having to backtrack, it also makes what’s going on seem more like a “real world” problem – there really *is* something trying to push into our world here at the school, and the police are willing to back me up, but still need my ‘hero’ expertise to spearhead the effort.


Whoa! Who called in the cavalry?!

Note: As is, the police are actually a bit of a shock – and I am left wondering how they even knew to come? It might be a bit helpful to add an “on mission accept” clue mentioning that I’ve radioed the police for some backup while I was on my way… I *would* definitely put it in a clue, rather than in the mission dialog – I very much like how the dialog stays very atmospheric.

From Mialee I also learn that the monsters struck after school had already let out – the three students here had been practicing for band. I’m thankful they were the only ones here; if these creatures had more children available to feed on, it could have potentially been a disaster.

Deep within the school, I located the child whose psychic projection I originally saw (his real name is Jake). He is grateful for the rescue, and promises to tell me more.

Note: A few suggestions … the clue the child gives you says he tells you what he does at the door – I’d leave off “at the door” since you don’t really have to escort the child to the exit (and you aren’t at the exit at the time). It’s a very minor nitpick, and I’m aware that you can at least assume I’d lead the child out – but you can assume that anyway, and leaving off that little phrase will prevent the small chance of confusion the clue might cause. Also, Jake does mention that he “couldn’t tell me he was in the school too because he didn’t want the monsters to know I was coming.” Honestly, this doesn’t make much sense to me – I’d automatically *assumed* he was in the school, otherwise why would it be a psychic projection of him, and not the actual child running up to me on the street? He doesn’t really tell me anything when I rescue him – but I assume that’ll come in the mission debriefing anyway, so maybe the clue should just include the thanks for the rescue and a mention that he’ll tell me more once we get out of here.

In that vein, if possible (and based on how you’ve got it set up, this might *not* be possible) … I’m wondering if that second rescue would work better as a non-combat ally… that’d have Jake follow you around in case you stay in the mission to continue fighting things – gives a slightly better feel that you’re in the process of “leading him to safety”, even if you don’t have to actually take him back to the entrance (which is much appreciated).

After the school, Jake tells me that these “monsters come alive” will only get worse until I figure out who started all of this, and why. Whomever was responsible is hiding – but I get the eerie sense that they aren’t hiding from me. They’re hiding from whatever it is they’ve released. Whoever it is, they “show up so well” that Jake thinks he can track them down and point me in the right direction. I accept his offer, and head out to figure out who started all of this.

Jake’s guidance leads to an abandoned office. I go inside with more than a little trepidation. Whoever released the monsters is scared, and, like I said, it’s not of me. Jake warns that the monsters were just testing me before… now they’re going to “get serious.” Great.


Did I pass?

What’s even more alarming is that, although I’m not psychically sensitive, I can still feel … something … pulling me toward a box. I examine the box’s contents, and find documents from the BAF – documents signed by Praetor Tilman … Mother Mayhem. So she must have been the one who released these living nightmares. Oh, freaking wonderful. So whatever it is exactly that got released, it’s enough to scare the heck out of an insane psychopath with zero empathy capacity.

Well, I better find her and figure out what I’m up against, and why she thought it’d be a good idea it release whatever it is. I’m pretty sure I won’t like the answer to that second part…

I find Mother Mayhem in a reeking sewer below the office. She seems to think I’m another manifestation of whatever she’s released. Although the fight goes badly at first, I eventually prevail and bring her down.


This is what happens when you are too focused on getting a good screenshot, and not on actually fighting Momma Psychopath.

I’m able to determine that Tilman released something terrible in Praetoria. I gather she sought to control it – use it as a psychic weapon. But it got away from her, and was too powerful for her to stop. She fled here, to Primal Earth, to get away from it. Whatever it … she … is, it’s taken over the Asylum, and is powerful enough to bridge the dimensions. That means it isn’t just a thread to Praetoria – if I don’t do something about it, it’ll become a terrible threat to Primal Earth as well.

Note: I do like the way the arc’s been “modernized” to better reflect the more recent material on Praetoria.

But there’s a more immediate issue – Mother didn’t just waltz into Primal Earth through an open Portal Corp portal. There must be some sort of dimensional gateway near where I found her. It’d be best to find it – not only so I can close it when the time comes, but it may well be the most direct way to get to whatever is in the Asylum.

Jake confirms my suspicions – there *is* what he calls a “rip” nearby. I assume he gives me enough information to find it, and warns me that whatever is on the other side, in the Asylum, it’s *big* and very dangerous. Even the brief attempt he made to “scan” the Asylum almost allowed to it destroy his mind.

What’s worse, is the moment my back is turned, Mother gets away, heading right back through the rift. Something tells me I’m going to have to deal with her again soon.

Note: To be honest, it’s here where I think the story gets weakest … although it’s still very good. It not completely clear from the clues or dialog exactly how or where I found the dimensional rip… granted I can assume I stumbled across it down there, or Jake showed me where it was, but a bit of text making it more clear would be better… even perhaps “extending” mission two to have a final room “glowy” that serves as the rip become the objective after I defeat Mother… an objective that reads “Look for how Mother Mayhem got here…”

It did strain credibility just a bit for me to think Mother would get away too … I think that needs to be explained just a bit more realistically than “my back was turned.” She’s an extremely powerful and dangerous supervillain; I *wouldn’t* turn my back on her unless I was dang sure she was completely subdued. Maybe there’s some way to work in there something along the lines of the PPD put her in a transport wagon bound for the Zig, under very heavy guard. But when it gets there, the wagon is simply filled with a bunch of very confused police “guarding” an empty crate or something. Then, when I return to the rift, I see the evidence that somebody’s already passed through it.

Once at the Asylum, I set out looking whatever the source of these nightmares are. The Asylum actually seems strangely bare, and although the few things I find roaming it outwardly look like the monsters I’ve fought before, they do actually seem more powerful…

Note: Either that’s a nice touch – a new faction that looks like the old, but has more dangerous powers – or they’re using more dangerous debuffing powers that they weren’t using before…

I did notice the ‘patrols’ mentioning feeding on ample supplies of ‘madfood’ and commenting on how much of it there was … which seems strange given how empty the asylum appears. Perhaps a few “rescues” could be inserted with the monsters standing over the collapsed bodies of asylum inmates?

Deep in the Asylum, I can hear the “demoness” calling – her name is Phobia, and she’s eager for her next meal. I also find some sort of summoning altar. Evidently Mother either got it or stole it from Diabolique.

I locate and defeat Phobia … and (with some help from a Pheonix I know) defeat the giant pile of ambushes she pulls down on me.

See giant-pile-of-ambushes? Dying was always my plan! I think that’s what qualifies as ‘losing the battle but winning the war.’

Note: I know I’ve probably got to sound like a broken record by now, but flight gets *really* annoying on boss-class (and higher) foes … the customs already have a nasty tendency to run, and flight just makes tracking them down a miserable ordeal. Conceptually I have no problem with her being able to fly – but from a “fun” standpoint, it’s, well, not fun.

Even after her defeat, Phobia is not down and out … she’s got a phylactery somewhere that focuses her power. There’s no doubt she’s trying to reconstitute herself elsewhere in the Asylum.

To make matters worse, Mother Mayhem has sensed her defeat, and is trying to turn things to her advantage … with Phobia weakened, she shows up on the scene to try to reassert control over the demon. She even has the audacity to act like she somehow ‘tricked’ me into doing this, and this was really her plan all along.

Sadly for Mother, I doubt her plan involved me defeating her a second time.

I then move on to find and destroy Phobia’s phylactery.

The fights along the way are nothing short of brutal … I’m now positive these are “improved” foes, and they’ve been given a wide variety of rather nasty debuff powers that make the fights particularly vicious.

Note: By and large they feel a *bit* overpowered, but not too bad. I think it’s actually the “tar pits” those Phobophages are throwing down. Not only is it a *nasty* resistance debuff, it is also a very powerful slow – and its on a minion with a stealth ability. So you often don’t even see they’re there until right a they are throwing it (and oh my do they like to open with that power), and they’re almost always present in the spawn. So a lot of the fights involve me moving in slo-mo under multiple debuffs that put my resistances and defenses in the toilet toward bosses that (thanks to my debuffed resistance) are effectively doing double damage with autohit attacks – oh, and my self heal takes longer than normal to come back.

In any case, my first impression would be to remove the tar patch… that power seems to be the one causing the most problems. Oh, and did I mention you can’t jump while you’re in one, which can be really annoying on a map with as much ground clutter as the Asylum.

I have a hunch the phylactery is probably near the Asylum entrance, and lo and behold, I do find it there. I gather it up and destroy it … putting an end to Phobia once and for all.

Note: I’ll probably sound crazy for saying this … but that almost seemed anti-climactic. I almost wish destroying it at least “forced out” a weakened version of Phobia that I still needed to finish off, or something similar?

But in any case, with the threat defeated, I returned to Primal Earth.

Pros: It’s a great arc! Well written, interesting mechanics, and a very good story. The customs are well done, and the “trick” of increasing their power later in the story works very well. It’s just as good as I remember it, and now is even more in line with the current Praetorian storyline. Bottom line, the arc’s well worth playing!

Cons: Covered mostly in the notes and nitpicks. The “big” ones (although none are deal breakers) are (1) needs a stronger treatment regarding “finding the rift” IMO, (2) a better explanation of Mother Mayhem’s first escape (there’s gotta be something better than just “she gets away when your back is turned), and (3) the debuffs on the souped up group are a bit over-the-top, although I think it’s the tar patch power that really ends up being the proverbial back-breaking straw.

Overall: No other way to say it: it’s a great arc. Play it!

Score: 5.063

Whoo... when you do a review, you do a review. Thanks for the thoughtful and thorough (and decidedly kind) writeup!

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Note: As is, the police are actually a bit of a shock – and I am left wondering how they even knew to come? It might be a bit helpful to add an “on mission accept” clue mentioning that I’ve radioed the police for some backup while I was on my way… I *would* definitely put it in a clue, rather than in the mission dialog – I very much like how the dialog stays very atmospheric.

Heh. Guess I didn't think of it that way. School buildings are alarmed, so it didn't even occur to me that they wouldn't show up (yeah, can you tell that my dad worked for a school board while I was growing up, responding to just such alarm systems?) Anyways, that's an easy fix, and already done, in point of fact.

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Note: A few suggestions … the clue the child gives you says he tells you what he does at the door – I’d leave off “at the door” since you don’t really have to escort the child to the exit (and you aren’t at the exit at the time). It’s a very minor nitpick, and I’m aware that you can at least assume I’d lead the child out – but you can assume that anyway, and leaving off that little phrase will prevent the small chance of confusion the clue might cause. Also, Jake does mention that he “couldn’t tell me he was in the school too because he didn’t want the monsters to know I was coming.” Honestly, this doesn’t make much sense to me – I’d automatically *assumed* he was in the school, otherwise why would it be a psychic projection of him, and not the actual child running up to me on the street? He doesn’t really tell me anything when I rescue him – but I assume that’ll come in the mission debriefing anyway, so maybe the clue should just include the thanks for the rescue and a mention that he’ll tell me more once we get out of here. In that vein, if possible (and based on how you’ve got it set up, this might *not* be possible) … I’m wondering if that second rescue would work better as a non-combat ally… that’d have Jake follow you around in case you stay in the mission to continue fighting things – gives a slightly better feel that you’re in the process of “leading him to safety”, even if you don’t have to actually take him back to the entrance (which is much appreciated).

Changed the line about 'at the door' to just 'outside'. As far as Jake apologizing for being unable to tell you he was there, I hadn't realized until now that the re-writes had altered his dialogue that much. Originally, he stumbled over his words, trying to sound like he wasn't in the school, but slipping occasionally. Looking at it now, that's kind of faded to nothing. I've re-written it somewhat so that it will hopefully be clearer that he's trying not to say where he is.

As for Jake becoming a non-combat ally... it's an interesting thought. I'm honestly not sure if I can do it, and at the moment, I've run out of time. I'll come back and edit this post once I'm free again. Thanks again for the review!

EDIT: So, continued, heh. Sorry 'bout the delay, just life being life.

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Note: To be honest, it’s here where I think the story gets weakest … although it’s still very good. It not completely clear from the clues or dialog exactly how or where I found the dimensional rip… granted I can assume I stumbled across it down there, or Jake showed me where it was, but a bit of text making it more clear would be better… even perhaps “extending” mission two to have a final room “glowy” that serves as the rip become the objective after I defeat Mother… an objective that reads “Look for how Mother Mayhem got here…” It did strain credibility just a bit for me to think Mother would get away too … I think that needs to be explained just a bit more realistically than “my back was turned.” She’s an extremely powerful and dangerous supervillain; I *wouldn’t* turn my back on her unless I was dang sure she was completely subdued. Maybe there’s some way to work in there something along the lines of the PPD put her in a transport wagon bound for the Zig, under very heavy guard. But when it gets there, the wagon is simply filled with a bunch of very confused police “guarding” an empty crate or something. Then, when I return to the rift, I see the evidence that somebody’s already passed through it.

Hmm... alright. Added a brief bit of text from Jake to point to the rift a little more explicitly- my intention was that Mother Mayhem was trying to lure you into taking Phobia down for her, so she was going to pretty much have to leave an easy, obvious way for you to get in.

So... on reflection, rather than adding extraneous objectives, I just had the rift pop up right where she was- basically she just teleported out, solving both how you found it and how she got away. Pity we can't use that particular boss defeat animation so that I have to use text instead. Ah, well Honestly, that's more or less how I'd planned it from the start, aside from thinking more 'hero turns away due to Jake distracting them, Mama M hops through the rift' rather than just her *poof*ing out. Not a major difference, but something that's good to have cleared up.

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Note: Either that’s a nice touch – a new faction that looks like the old, but has more dangerous powers – or they’re using more dangerous debuffing powers that they weren’t using before… I did notice the ‘patrols’ mentioning feeding on ample supplies of ‘madfood’ and commenting on how much of it there was … which seems strange given how empty the asylum appears. Perhaps a few “rescues” could be inserted with the monsters standing over the collapsed bodies of asylum inmates?

*chuckle*

If you took screenies of the beasties in the first couple of missions and then the ones in the last mission... there's actually a fair bit of difference. Most, if not all, of them are actually physically larger by at least a foot or two, and they all have more 'monstrous' features and weapons. It's a touch that I'm honestly kinda proud of, and one that less people than I would have expected catch.

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Note: I know I’ve probably got to sound like a broken record by now, but flight gets *really* annoying on boss-class (and higher) foes … the customs already have a nasty tendency to run, and flight just makes tracking them down a miserable ordeal. Conceptually I have no problem with her being able to fly – but from a “fun” standpoint, it’s, well, not fun.

... you know, if you hadn't said 'her' being able to fly, I'd have no idea which mob you were talking about? I'd completely forgotten Phobia (that's who you were talking about, right?) even could- I've never seen her do it in any of my many, many, many runs through the mission. Or at least I don't think I have. She really only has the power for the funky transparent 'Reflections' effect (well, that and to justify the wings, heh...) At *this* point, I'm inclined to write that particular concern off as a one-time bugaboo- something that's so rare that I'm not sure I want to lose the transparency to 'fix' it. I could be wrong, of course, it's just not something I've encountered myself or heard complained about before that I can recall.

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Note: By and large they feel a *bit* overpowered, but not too bad. I think it’s actually the “tar pits” those Phobophages are throwing down. Not only is it a *nasty* resistance debuff, it is also a very powerful slow – and its on a minion with a stealth ability. So you often don’t even see they’re there until right a they are throwing it (and oh my do they like to open with that power), and they’re almost always present in the spawn. So a lot of the fights involve me moving in slo-mo under multiple debuffs that put my resistances and defenses in the toilet toward bosses that (thanks to my debuffed resistance) are effectively doing double damage with autohit attacks – oh, and my self heal takes longer than normal to come back. In any case, my first impression would be to remove the tar patch… that power seems to be the one causing the most problems. Oh, and did I mention you can’t jump while you’re in one, which can be really annoying on a map with as much ground clutter as the Asylum.

Oog... looking at the custom setup, I'm not entirely sure it was just the Tar Patches that were causing you to get the tar beaten out of you. I'd been careful with the powersets that I knew were heavy debuffers (Radiation and Dark), but missed a few things on powersets that I was less familiar with, like Sonic and Psi. It's entirely possible that a lot of what you were seeing was getting slapped upside the head with Liquefy, Disruption Field, and Psychic Scream. I've pulled those powers, so I think the group should be a little less melee-eating. Not being much of a melee player myself, I don't know the powersets as well or how badly some debuffs affect them.

I'd rather ditch those powers than Tar Patch, since I like the visual effect and think it adds nicely to the atmosphere. And, hopefully, with those gone, Tar Patch won't be such a camel-back-breaker.

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Note: I’ll probably sound crazy for saying this … but that almost seemed anti-climactic. I almost wish destroying it at least “forced out” a weakened version of Phobia that I still needed to finish off, or something similar?

I'm not sure that I could get miniPhobia to spawn next to the phylactery reliably, otherwise I kinda like the idea.

Anywho, thanks so much for the review- helped me squeeze one or two more bugs out of things, and it's always great to read what different people think. One random aside... how did I manage to get 5.063 stars on it..?