The Continuing Adventures of Pro Payne

And now, the last in the second cycle of the Continuing Adventures of Pro Payne.

Once again, Pro Payne’s queue is open to anyone who would like a review; the first six who respond will get a slot in ‘cycle three.’ (See the original post for additional details/explanations.)

The Rise of the Immortal King (Arc ID#479013, 5 stars)

Quick Note: Originally, when the author first made the request, I assumed that this was a villainous arc (probably because he mentioned playing it with a Brute – just a case of me making a totally unfounded assumption). But it’s a heroic arc, and is therefore up Pro Payne’s alley. That also removes any chance I’ll be facing AVs; Perturbation is willing to attempt to solo AVs, but Pro Payne isn’t. (Not that that detracts from the arc…)

Well, it started off as a pleasant enough day – at least until some Old Farmer came running up to me in a panic. He was heading to Altas Park to sell some of his vittles, and all of a sudden, the place was overrun by aliens.

Oh, great, I though – not another Rikti Invasion. Well, time to be a hero.

The Old Farmer was convinced that if I could find and drive off the alien commanders, the rest of the invading horde would also retreat. Sounded like a sensible plan to me. I turned to thank the Farmer for his thoughtful advice, but he simply told me to scram and get to saving the city. Since lives were at stake, there was certainly no reason to argue.

On my way to Atlas, something strange did occur to me. I wasn’t entirely sure what vittles were, but they sounded like something you’d sell to a supermarket. Hmm … I don’t think I’d ever seen a supermarket in Atlas Park. Strange. But something to worry about some other time. There were aliens to repel!

Note: Upon entering the mission, the pop-up mentioned the Veluszhi by name; that was a little jarring since it implied that the farmer had called the aliens by name (which he didn’t).

Almost immediately upon arriving at Atlas, the weird factor was ramped up a few notches as I did battle with an invading lieutenant. The creature referred to me as an ‘Edenite’, and made some awfully strange statements about dressing up like animals. Not to mention some sort of statement about coming here for the bunnygirls. Huh?

In any case, I had three leaders to take down: Torchbearer Syn-fatuush, Frostkeeper Foth-ketan, and Captain Eidengar.

As I raced through Atlas Park looking for the three alien leaders, I also collected some additional intelligence on who exactly the invaders were, and what they were doing here. Evidently, the Veluszhi were a race of innate shapeshifters where nearly every member of their species has superpowers. Angered at being ‘overshadowed’ by other races, they had decided it was time to go on an expedition of conquest, and Earth was next on the list.

I also learned that their Chancellor had decided to accompany them on the ground invasion, and had now gone missing. That seemed like a pretty important little tidbit, since finding and capturing said Chancellor could help repel the invaders.

Notes: On the plus side, the arc already gives the impression of being well constructed, and the custom group is very well done. On the ‘down’ side (sort of), although I’ve got the basic plot down solid, my first impression in this first mission is *strange.* Although, on a basic level, the story seems to be a serious one, it was actually a little hard for me to tell if some of the strangeness was intended as humor, or if it was intended to make the aliens seem strange. See, “strange” here isn’t bad per-se: these guys are aliens, so it doesn’t bother me that they seem strange. But, at the moment, if there are attempts at humor, I’d say they’re getting lost in the strangeness…

The defeat of their leaders had the intended effect; the aliens retreated from Atlas, at least for now. The Old Farmer was very pleased to find out about this.

Oddly, said Farmer seemed to be my best source of information on what the aliens were up to – he informed me that they’d set up a ‘probing’ facility in Faultline (how the heck did he know that?!). Now, of course, when you think of aliens and ‘probes’ a very specific thing comes to mind – but, wherever the ‘probes’ went, once installed in a victim, they could mind control him, forcing him to become a new recruit in the Veluzshi army.

That seemed like a pretty clear next target – taking on the probing facility would at least keep the Veluzhi from drafting innocent civilians into their forces. (And, amusingly enough, when I entered the mission, the pop-up did poke fun at the fact that it did seem strange that the Old Farmer knew everything that he did.)

The alien base was set up in an abandoned lab. I needed to destroy the probe device, free any prisoners that had been captured, and defeat the Drill Sergeant who was leading the operation here.

The first two tasks were easy enough, but the last proved impossible – literally. After searching through the map at least three times, I simply couldn’t find the Drill Sergeant at all.

Note: I suspect this may be a case of objective overload; if you’re right at the limit of the number of objectives a map can take, sometimes a chained, but mission critical objective won’t spawn in, making the mission uncompleteable. Really, the only way to deal with this is to remove some of the ‘flavor’ objectives (especially things like that ambush, or some of the patrols) – or, alternately, don’t make the Drill Sergeant a chained objective; just have him spawn in right at the start.

All this assumes that the objective text for that glowy in the last room was ‘Defeat the Drill Sergeant’ and that’s what ‘Sarge’ was attached to (still with ‘Defeat the Drill Sergeant’ as his objective). The only other thing I can think of is this: I did notice one of your bosses had ninjitsu: just appeared out of nowhere. If the Drill Sergeant actually has ninjitsu and no ‘escort’ – and, for some reason, spawned outside somewhere, it’s possible I just never saw him. Very unlikely, but possible. (After the fact: As you’ll see when I replay the mission below, clearly Sarge didn’t have ninjitsu; he just failed to spawn.)

In any case, I was out of time for the day’s playing session, so I simply logged out – that’ll reset the mission for tomorrow, where I’ll give it another try.

Okay … 2nd attempt. Interestingly, I noticed a lot more patrol dialog this time around; mostly pretty amusing stuff. But… Minor Note: “Sounds like sarge ran outta medicine again…” “Oh, Christ. You know what? Just kill me now and get it over with.” Okay, very minor niggle … but it seems quite unrealistic that the footsoldiers of an alien empire would be using human-specific “swears.” Wouldn’t they say something like “Oh, Vid-Szhite” (or some other revered alien figure) instead?

Alright – this time the mission worked correctly. I found the Drill Sergeant at the very top of the lab complex. No idea how often this little bug rears its head. May have been a one-time fluke, or perhaps a few runs through the arc set to a team size of 2 or more could give you an idea as to how often the bug happens (and whether or not it warrants perhaps reducing somewhat the number of details in this mission).


Pro Payne delivers the final blow to Sarge, bravely ignoring the Veluzhi trooper taking aim as his six.

Interestingly, the Sarge actually appeared fully human, confirming the Veluzhi morphing ability was quite effective in allowing the invaders to blend in with their potential conquest. I also found a page from a Veluzhi ‘chronicle’ that had some interesting information in it. It would seem the current emperor of the Veluzhi was a prince Vid-Szhite, who had deposed (and murdered) the previous ruler (an Empress Quo-della). It appeared that the coup was at least in part retaliation for the murder of his father and mother. There could be no doubt those murders were political – Vid-Szhite’s mother was the former Empress’ sister. Note: I actually rather enjoyed the political backstory here; it was clear that two bloodlines had been interchanging rulership of the empire (Vid and Quo). Since Vid-Szhite was the son of both bloodlines, that could potentially give him a play at tremendous political power – although only if he was skilled enough to take advantage of said birthright. While not exactly the same (especially in terms of how he came to power), it actually reminded me a lot of Prince Victor Steiner-Davion in the detailed fiction that served as an underpinning to the BattleTech universe.

But what was odd was Vid-Szhite was already being criticized for not doing enough to further the expansion of the Veluzhi. Given than the Veluzhi were clearly expanding their empire with gusto, Vid-Szhite must have opted to return the empire to its expansionist roots some time after this chronicle was written.

Strange though it was, that Old Farmer was still my best source of information as to the latest activities of the invaders. So I returned to him to see if he had any ideas as to what to do next. He did: the aliens had simply left a landing shuttle unguarded in the suburbs of the city. He suggested that I ‘borrow’ the shuttle, fly it up to the alien (Veluzhi) mothership, and beat down one or two really powerful ‘warlords.’ He figured that would send a clear message to Veluzhi that it would be best to just move on, and leave Earth alone.

Note: I never did really figure out what the “WAFN SS-J” stood for… at least not at this point in the story.

After flying the shuttle up to the mothership, I headed out to defeat and destroy as many Veluzhi as I could find. The going was a bit slower, as the Veluzhi on the mothership were all “command staff” types (i.e. a totally new custom group) – but, honestly, there’s nothing a giant sword of flame can’t ultimately deal with. So after giving a rather large number of Veluzhi a “painful burning sensation” I found one of their *serious* higher-ups: WAFN SS-J “Nerdmaster” Fedt-geszhine. Oddly, he wasn’t intent on putting up a fight. He wasn’t a big fan of the current Emperor, and wanted me to help him. Apparently, I was willing, and needed to seek out the ‘real’ commander of the ship: Cyborg Commander Argus.


The custom groups actually make heavy use of the more high-tech looking Developer Designed robotic mobs. It works very well! (The extreme pixellation is caused by the fact my computer wigs out in Praetorian lab maps, forcing me to greatly turn down my 3D scaling to get a reasonable frame rate.)

I backtracked a bit, and found the cyborg commander. The robotic menace was all full of bluster and threats, but, with WAFN SS-J “Nerdmaster” Fedt-geshine’s help (hereafter known as “Fed”), I was able to defeat him.


Argus had some pretty vicious tricks up his sleeve, but, in the end, the forces of truth and justice prevailed!

Argus’s last words were a threat that I “would not be able to defeat the Emperor.” Apparently, that led me to think the Emperor was actually on the ship too (Note: Not *too* unreasonable, but, I think It’d be better if Argus dropped a clue that somehow gave me a story-related reason to know that the Emperor was here – as it stand, I simply defeat Argust, and suddenly know the Emperor is here as well, and needs to be defeated. That’s a bit jarring… without some sort of clue to advance the plot, the “feel” is that the mission should be over. Instead, I’m about to hunt down and fight the Emperor…)

While on my way to find the Emperor, Fed mentions that he’s more in favor of the ideas of some guy called “Old Rathie.” I don’t give it much thought, since it doesn’t take long to find Vid-Szhite. I’m feeling particularly inspired (as well as having plenty of ally support, given Fed’s a robotics mastermind), so I launch into combat with the Veluzhi emperor (whose description seems to include some sort of ‘metagame’ reference to how his two power sets are impossible to have combined in the ‘real’ game, which I find kind of odd).

True to form, Emperor Vid-szhite is a rather tough and wily foe. Only the fact I was feeling terribly inspired helped me triumph in the battle (and there were many close calls). But, in the end, the Emperor fell, pleasing Fed to no end.


You’d think this was me preventing the Rise of the Immortal King. Turns out, I’m actually *helping* the Immortal King’s ascension…

What came next was a statement from Fed that filled me with disproportionate worry; something I’m sure he’d given almost no thought to, but explained something that had been bothering me since this all began: why the heck a mere farmer was doing such a good job of giving me solid military *intelligence* (NOT just ‘advice’ – he seemed to *know* exactly what was going on, and where I needed to focus my efforts).

Fed told me to “say hi to Old Rathie.” A simple enough request on the surface – but, obviously, the Old Farmer was nothing of the sort. Suddenly, the Veluzhi’s ability to morph into a form matching the ‘target species’ brought me to a terrible realization: the Old Farmer was one of them – a *very powerful* one of them. And I’d just eliminated his greatest rival.

I didn’t know exactly what “Old Rathie’s” plan was – but I figured I was about to have to stop it.

I was wrong. “Rathie” made no attempt to hide from me – there was no effort needed to interrogate those loyal to his cause to find out more: he was merely waiting for me after my return, to tell me what was going on. “Rathie,” it turns out, was that Chancellor that had vanished in the early phase of the invasion. While wielding great political power of his own, the Chancellor of the Veluzhi Empire was still beholden to the will of the Emperor. He, quite literally, took advantage of the fact that nobody in the invading force considered him more than a nuisance in need of a babysitter to stage his ‘coup. By helping me repel the invaders, he’d directed me to kill their Emperor.

And now he had a deal for me. With the Emperor dead, Fed – who had the support of a major faction of the army – was making his own play for Emperor. Rathie offered to have the Empire’s forces retreat from Earth if I would defeat Fed, giving the Chancellor uncontested command of the Empire’s armed forces.

It was possible that Rathie’s complete lack of physical threat was what compelled me – he didn’t seem to have any powers beyond his political savvy. Or perhaps he was his world’s version of the Center – a master manipulator with a mutant ability to force his will upon others.

It didn’t matter – it was clear that either way, Fed needed to be taken down if the Earth was to be saved. I agreed to be the one to do the deed.

I fought my way through Fed’s forces – largely fun, challenging fights. Except the parts where I died. But I’ve got to admit, the fact that I only had a couple of face-plants at the very end of the arc told me that even though the custom group sometimes felt a bit overpowered, if I wasn’t really dying much, they actually were decently balanced.

It was actually the former Emperor Vid-Szhite that led me to Fed … I found him not too far away from where Rathie’s transport dropped me. The moment I rescued him, he told me where to find Fed. Note: Okay, that seems to be a rather large hole in the story. Why the heck is Vid-Szhite still alive? It seems to me that the progression of the story practically requires that he die in our previous encounter – after all, he *is* the Emperor, and if he isn’t, in fact, dead, then it seems neither Fed nor Rathie have a clear claim to power any more. After all, one would assume that a rather large fraction of the army was ‘probed’ from earlier campaigns (before they came to Earth), and would have a forced loyalty to the Emperor – a loyalty that could only be shifted to another member of the Empire if the Emperor was dead.

In my first encounter with the *******, *luck* was just not on my side. A trip to the hospital gave me a chance to invest in a whole lot more … luck.


Here we’ve got the Clash of the Nerds, Take 1. Sadly, Nerdmaster Fed’s Nerd-Fu was far greater than mine. But after a trip to the hospital (and a training montage set to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ that, thankfully, was omitted for brevity), I return and best the evil Fed.

And that was exactly what I needed. I defeated Fed, purged my Debt to the City, and returned to see what the Chancellor had to say.

He kept up his side of the bargain – Chancellor “Rathie” took control of the remaining invasion forces, and ordered the retreat.

Good enough for me!

Pros: As always, I’ve got feedback on things that I thought could be improved, but overall, I thought this was an excellent arc. One of my most common critiques is that the arc needs “polish” (my generic way of saying its needs some proofreading passes, perhaps a few adjustments to the story, tweaking of the custom characters, and some more flavor objectives to help draw you into the story). Well, here is an example of an arc that does *not* need polish – it is a well, put-together arc that has the feel of a lot of work having gone into it. Great use of clues, chained objectives (except for that one odd bug), flavor objectives. Excellent custom group overall. And I found the story to be pretty interesting. The twist with the farmer being the Chancellor was quite amusing: as you can tell from my commentary, I did notice a lot of oddness about the farmer, but it didn’t click as to who exactly he was practically until the story revealed it.

Cons: Well, if I’ve got to nitpick, I’ll start by summarizing my chief objections from the commentary: humor is a very subjective thing, and, for what it’s worth, I think some of the attempts at humor (if that’s what they were) fell flat early in the arc, especially in that first mission. It came off as “strange” or “awkward” more than funny. Granted, that might have also been the author’s intent, but I think it works better if you stick to one or the other. As it stands, it reads like the author’s trying to be funny, but it comes off as strange, as opposed to it being clear that the aliens are supposed to give you a very strange impression, with any humor that comes of that a complete coincidence.

Obviously, there was that bug in the second mission – it’s my sincere hope that was just a fluke. But it should be looked into: I know from personal experience random players tend to blame (and punish) the author for bugs that aren’t really their fault. You might not be able to completely eliminate it, but anything you can do to make it an extremely rare occurrence (or, alternately, plenty of testing to confirm it’s an extremely rare occurance) is a very good idea. In my experience, eliminating a few of the flavor objectives might help.

In mission three, the appearance of the Emperor is like a hiccup in the plot – according to the setup, I’m supposed to be dealing with two “bigwigs.” The problem is, one of them turns out to not want to fight me (Fed), leaving the other to be defeated (Argus). So, now I’d assume I’ve dealt with the two leaders the Farmer was referring to, and it’s time to deal a final blow to the Empire (i.e. hunt down and defeat the Emperor, assuming he’s even with the invaders; I’ve gotten no indication as to whether or not he’s on the ground, on this ship, or directing operations from their homeworld, or something). But, instead, I just suddenly “know” the Emperor is also on the ship (when, apparently, I didn’t before) – and the only tangible thing that seems to inform me of that is Argus’ warning I won’t defeat the Emperor (which doesn’t really tell me he’s *here*). Some sort of clue telling me the Emperor has just arrived on the mothership and intends to face down and kill the ‘Edenite’ trespassor would really help here.

And finally, in mission four, there’s the appearance of the Emperor as ‘alive and well’, in spite of having been killed in mission three – and the story thus far only making sense if he was dead, not just badly injured.

A short word on the custom group. On one had, they did sometimes feel overpowered (especially if you assume you are at the low level range end of the arc). But, to be fair, it’s not like they were really defeating me consistently, which suggests their balanced just fine. So I got to really thinking about it, and, honestly, there’s one thing that stands out: it’s the plethora of ice control powers, particularly on the “Frost” bosses. It’s surprisingly easy for them to stack so much –recharge on you that your entire attack tray becomes a long line of perpetually tiny buttons. While that wouldn’t be as serious an issue for a defense based set, it can get to be terribly annoying for a resistance set (like Fire). Again, it’s not so much that the ice troopers are overpowered per se (I didn’t actually get defeated facing them), as their powers lead to situations where I’m completely out of attack powers, with none of them even close to recharging.

So, overall, this was a very well done arc – it was clear a lot of work has gone into it. It’s got a good story, an interesting set of custom groups, and missions that are (generally) well put together. Very good!

Score: 4.50

Since your thread is still active, I'd like to submit Dhahabu Kingdom and the Unfathomable Nightmare of Sand: #453511. I tested it and it seems fully playable despite the current glitch, however I discovered at least one error that will need fixing in the future.

Again, thanks for asking for a review! Hopefully I'll get more whenever this current bug gets fixed!

And now, for the latest chapter in Pro Payne's exciting adventures:

Dhahabu Kingdom and the Unfathomable Nightmare of Sand (Arc ID#453511, 5 stars)

Very minor nitpick – after Queen Auri tells you of Dhahabu’s new troubles, your ‘accept the mission’ choice is I’ll be glad to help. It doesn’t have a period, and probably should.

Upon entering the cave that was supposed to harbor the underground stream, it was immediately obvious Dhahabu was in much worse trouble than the Queen thought – not only was the stream utterly dried up, but the Circle of Thorns was present as well. So the fiendish mages were behind this. I wondered how they’d even gotten here, but there’d be time to worry about that later.

I secured all of the Maji Bilauri, and set out looking for the scouting party. Tragically, the Circle had already possessed them. I subdued the poor souls, hoping that somehow the powerful magic of the Dhahabu kingdom could return their spirits to their bodies.


Hey guys, I’ve come to get you safely out of… ow OW OWWW!

Queen Auri was understandably concerned about the Circle’s presence here, and it was clear they had a sinister plan in the works. Auri’s husband, King Aurus had just returned from a trip abroad, looking for clues as to the cause of the drought. He’d located an island populated by mystic oracles, but they would not allow men to set foot on their lands. Auri would therefore have to travel to the island, and requested my help protecting her on the way. I, of course, agreed.

The journey to the island was uneventful, but when Auri failed to return after several hours, I decided to go in after her, even if it meant breaking the Oracles’ ‘no men on the island’ rule. It was an exception I was sure they’d be glad to make, given that the moment I made it inside it was obvious the place was under attack by the Circle.

I quickly rescued Queen Auri, and destroyed several “Sand Obelisks” the Circle had set up. I wasn’t completely sure yet of their purpose, but perhaps the Oracles would know more. (It was here that I abruptly mapserved when my internet went out. When I was able to log back in the mission had reset; unfortunately, I estimated I didn’t have enough time left to play all the way through it, so I’d have to return to it later.)

I found the oracles outside, each taken hostage by the Circle mages eager to feed on their psychic power. Understandably, they were not terribly interested in divining my future – they were more focused on ensuring the others of their kind were safe. I did my best to help.


Actually, given all the demons and evil mages roaming about, maybe you should let me find the others…

Note: The “delivery” point for Auri was just hovering in mid air, off the side of the structure on the top of the hill. I could tell by the context clues that the lead oracle was supposed to be there (probably lying down and injured), but there wasn’t anything there… on the plus side, the mission *did* complete when I brought Auri there.

The lead oracle had a dire warning – the Circle were seeking the power of an evil sorceress. Once a tyrant of a distant desert kingdom, she was killed when her people rose against her. When her loyal followers resurrected her, she enacted a terrible vengeance, gripping the land in a near-lethal drought. While she was defeated again, the oracle warned that the Circle intended to again summon her to the world of the living, and attempt to bargain with her for power. They foolishly though that their rituals (and offers of appeasement) could be used to bind her to their will – something the oracle implied was nothing but folly.

So it looked like I needed to put a stop to this, hopefully before the Circle revived her. Something deep down told me I was far enough behind the game that I would instead be dealing with the mess created when the Circle plan’s went ary...

Auri suspected the best way to get into Queen Ubuge’s desert kingdom was through a network of tunnels. She warned it would be a long, arduous journey, and the tunnels were quite hot and sandy – but it was a better option than trying to cross the brutal deserts above. So off I went into the tunnels of … Oh God. NOT THE RULARUU CAVES! Sigh.

Okay, in all fairness, the ‘Legend of Ruladak’ cave map is actually a very good fit – it really does look like you are traveling through a long, hot tunnel system filled with stinging sand and crawling with Ubuge’s twisted servants. And, on the plus side, a character with decent defenses (and the veteran ‘clear map’ ability) can probably quickly make their way through, skipping most of the battles. I will actually go through normally, though – I will use my Investigate power to reveal the map, and I’ll fight what I see along the way, but I won’t go out of my way to find things to defeat.

Only a short way into the tunnels I locate several Circle guarding a reliquary holding a “wet” scroll. The scroll seems to depict several mages performing a ritual to draw Ubuge’s water into a large crystal – presumably a clue on how to defeat her. Based on the reactions of the Circle mages in here, something has gone horribly wrong. I don’t know if they attempted the ritual themselves as part of their plan to use Ubuge’s power – and their attempts turned ary – or if this was a simple case of the evil Queen deciding they were now of no use to her… I headed further in, looking for whomever was leading the Circle of Thorns.


You know, our bodies are something like 80% water. So really you’re just a big walking canteen for that water-vampire of a Queen. You know, the one who draws her power from collecting water? See, so that’s why I’m doing you a favor by taking you down…

Note: I love the look of Ubuge’s servants – really great design. Hmm, seems odd the Sand Ravens can fly (and it’s more than a little annoying, given they can vanish into the ‘fog’ quite quickly when they inevitably flee after getting hurt). I do have to say the dehydrated servants having Drain Psyche was pretty nasty. On the upside, it doesn’t take *too* long for it to wear off, but the inevitable standing around and waiting (for both it to wear off, and for your endurance to regenerate up for the next fight) does add to the time it takes to get through an already pretty large map. One thing I’ve been wondering about is using multiple copies of the same minion to replicate some of the ‘developer mob’ rules about only one mob in a spawn using a particularly annoying power at a time – e.g. if one copy of the dehydrated servant has Drain Psyche and the other doesn’t, the power shows up in a spawn less often, in theory; no idea how well it works in practice. Of course, I have the luxury of being able to alt-tab out and write down my thoughts for a review while I’m waiting for my endurance to come back…

Oh! It would appear that one of your “Ubuge faction” bosses got hit by the current bug and turned into a Hydra. Obviously not going to ding you for that, but at least you’re aware of it now…

At the end of the epic trek through the sandy tunnels, I found the remains of the Circle of Thorns leader. The body was drained of all water; he’d gotten his just desserts, but it looked like I had an even bigger mess to clean up now. I battled my way through the soldiers the evil Queen had sent to guard the exit (a Sand Raven boss that, happily, wasn’t melted into Hydra form).

Apparently, defeating the Queen’s servants broke the drought curse (wait, it did?), but Queen Ubuge had escaped back to my world, and was causing havoc. I needed to defeat her once and for all. Queen Auri told me King Aurus would be there to help me, but warned that brute force wouldn’t be enough to stop Ubuge. I showed her the scroll, asking if it gave her any ideas.

Note: Unfortunately it would appear the bug strikes again … Auri’s “sendoff” text was a message that she’d suffered an internal error issuing the task. But it looked like the mission was set, so I entered it anyway… (and on closer inspection, hitting the “info” next to the mission header did reveal what her sendoff dialog was supposed to be – she’d wished me well, and promised to coordinate the mages on her world with those on mine in an attempt to cast the ritual to weaken Ubuge.)

Of course, the Queen’s forces were attacking a Portal Corp lab (interesting map choice – the abandoned “damaged” lab maps are a great fit; they actually do look like they’ve been covered in sand by the assault of the Queen’s minions).

Several things about defending the lab were a notable improvement over the hellish tunnels – for one, I could now see the Dehydrated from far enough way to preemptively hold them before they could get Drain Psyche off. And when there were two of them in a spawn, I could also aggro the other other from something other than point blank range – which tends to prompt them to fire off the power before they’re even close to me.

Of course, the highlight of the mission was watching King Aurus repeatedly open up a can of whoop a** on Queen Ubuge’s lackeys.

Deep in the lab we locate and secure the crystal – allowing the ritual to drain Ubuge’s power to begin. The final task was to track her down and defeat her in her weakened state.

Actually, it was King Aurus that found her. I raced in to back him up. What followed was an epic (and amazingly evenly matched) battle between King Aurus and Queen Ubuge as I alternately stood immobilized on the sidelines, or defeating the hordes of the Queen’s servants that would appear to reinforce her at regular intervals.

Note: Okay, seriously – the queen calling for water and actually getting reinforced with a bunch of ‘unique’ “water carriers” was a great touch! Just loved it, along with the queen’s design. In spite of the fact I actually had almost no role in the actual battle with the queen, it was really a fun and epic-feeling fight.

Ultimately Queen Ubuge proved the stronger, if only slightly, and managed to dispatch Aurus. The irony is that the Queen focused strongly on command of fire, and therefore proved virtually no threat to me. Already badly injured in her fight with Aurus, she turned to engage me, only to very rapidly fall to just a few attacks (and barely doing injury to me). And thus ended the reign of Queen Ubuge. Again.


Pro Payne heroically hides behind this column, bravely allowing King Aurus to do virtually all the work taking Queen Ubuge down. His daring plan: once the evil Queen has been thoroughly weakened, he can move in to finish her off!

Queen Auri wasn’t pleased I’d inadvertently allowed Queen Ubuge to use her husband as a punching bag, but understood that it couldn’t be helped (and appreciated that my efforts in keeping the ambushes off of him at least let him hold his own until the end of the battle). But she was obviously very thankful for the Queen’s defeat, and was appropriately gracious in spite of my rather poor showing in that final fight.

Note: Either the queen has no farewell dialog, or it bugged on me.

Pros: One of the best things about Mission Architect is that it gives a chance to play “side stories” that, while having a minor tie-in to the main developer content, really serve as a diversion from the game’s main storyline. Of course, it only works when those side stories are good enough to be worth your time, and once again the author has done just that. There are a lot of things to like about this story arc: it is clear a lot of thought (and polish) went into its design. The maps are well chosen and very appropriate (in spite of my automatic dislike of the Rularuu caves), the custom group is visually stunning, the story is well done, the missions are well varied, and the battle at the end really had a rather epic feel. But even more, in the MA system there are many examples of “new worlds” that other authors have created alongside the official world. That alone is a major appeal of the system to me, and it’s always refreshing to return to one of those new worlds that was already featured in another (well done) arc – it does help combat the weakness created by that same strength: the feel that there is little continuity in a MA only character’s personal story. Bottom line, great arc.

Cons: I’m happy to say that I think for the most part, the “cons” I’ve got are really a matter of personal preference – I would have done things differently, but not in the sense I think they’re done wrong. Simply in the sense that I’ve got a different ‘preferred’ way of doing things. So, as always, if a suggestion rings true, take it into consideration – if not, don’t worry about it.

Obviously, I don’t like the Rularuu map, but I do think it is a very appropriate one, and so, IMO, knowing that map will be used does suggest a few design modifications (at least to me). First, I’d nix the Sand Ravens’ ability to fly – the fact they could at all was a bit jarring (except for the bosses, which had wings, which made it seem no surprise they could fly), but it also made them a pain on a map where visibility is virtually nil. Of course I had a similar experience with the Drain Psyche ability on the Dehydrated – in the final mission it’s not an issue since you can spot them from a long distance off and deal with them before they hit you with it. But the fact remains that in the largest and longest map of the whole arc, you’ve got a situation where they can sneak up on you far more readily, and use a power that, while not really the difference between victory and defeat in a fight, did result in a lot boring standing around – in what is already a long map (which gives it the potential to be a boring map too).

Of course, the Circle mages in that map were appropriate, but all have the same dialog. IMO, if you’re going to use that particular map, every single step to distract from its length and monotony is a plus – it’s a minor change, but having each one have different (and entertaining) dialog would be a very nice change. While not map-specific, as I mentioned in the walkthrough, it did seem odd that the spell was broken at the end of the third mission. Presumably the Queen is the source of the spell, and she’s still alive (and actually trying now to invade my world), so why would defeating one of her generals break the spell?

All of my cons are minor concerns though. Again, very well done arc and certainly one I can recommend as worth the time to play!

Score: 4.815

Well I apparently was able to fix my latest arc When The Words Stop (#494099) - yay me and go customer service gremlins! I'd be grateful if you could give it a run-though, if your queue is still open.

You can find it's thread here: http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showthread.php?t=256920

Once again, it is time for Pro Payne to “take a break” from his mundane life in the real world, and use Architect Entertainment to pretend he’s a hero. Today’s adventure was…

IMPORTANT: Pro Payne's adventures are, by their very nature, typically filled with spoilers. Frankly I think anyone who plays this arc will get the most out of it by playing through it before reading anything with spoilers in it - so go play the arc, then come back and read about it here...

When The Words Stop (ID#494099, 4 stars, 5 stars given in game)

Presumably, Pro Payne has just completed some (unnamed and undescribed) mission to thwart the latest Circle of Thorns plot. The mission is over, and this sector of Orenbega is cleared of the evil mages. It is here that he find something odd looking in one of the many bookshelves that litter the place. It looks to be a diary: the diary of a young woman, in fact.

The woman has magical power, and knows it. She appears to have prophetic dreams, and a desire to write a magical tome: the Tome of No Return (which must be read from start to finish, and once you have finished, you can never read it again).

The woman’s name is (or was?) Emily Yikes, and her dreams told her that one of the first steps to writing the Tome of No Return, was to get the eBook of Ghost Writing, which could actually only be pulled from something called the Wizard Machine – a collective of some sort formed by what she referred to as the Haunted Robots.

The Robots had taken over part of Cap au Diable, near the WSPDR tower, and were planning on using it to transmit a sentient signal across the airwaves. Emily arrived on the scene and began systematically dismantling the Haunted Robots and the major components of the Wizard Machine (all named after parts of the brain) until she found what she needed for the eBook.

The entire mission is written as though I am “dreaming” or “seeing” what Emily did – walking in her footsteps. Much of the dialog is actually Emily’s narration of what she was seeing and hearing when she was here. I believe the author’s intent is to give the mission an almost surreal feel, and it’s pulled off well. It’s unclear yet whether the intent is that I’m just sitting there reading the diary and the “missions” are me imagining in my mind’s eye what she’s describing, *or* if there is magic on this diary, and I’m actually magically experiencing what Emily did.

Note: It did seem odd that the descriptions of the haunted robots didn’t quite seem to match their name (e.g. the Jaegers were called “Myelin Sheath” but their description referred to them as “Brain Stems”). Also, I don’t know if it’s an option with the psychic clockwork, but, if possible, you might want to consider using a boss that isn’t a psychic “assembler prince” – since they like to ‘build’ actual clockwork (that have the normal clockwork description); if there’s no psychic equivalent of a cannon or tesla prince (there might not be), just disregard.

My early impression is that there is a bit more going on than me just imagining Emily’s story based on her diary. In fact, at the moment I’m strongly suspecting I’m actually *reading* the Tome of No Return. But it’s early enough in the story that I could easily be very off base.

In any case, the debriefing gives the strong impression that Emily has a very “nonstandard” perception of reality, colored by her dreams, and I’m seeing recognizable things “filtered” through her perceptions: the Haunted Robots are actually the Clockwork – and I suspect the references to “sentient transmissions” are actually the Clockwork King’s psychic signal. In short, Emily faced the Clockwork with the intent of getting something important from them. What exactly the ‘brain machines’ were (or if they were really there when Emily was battling the Clockwork) – or what they represent – wasn’t something I really got, but I am enjoying this rather unique approach to an arc.

Next was getting the Clay Tablets of Bismuth (Bismuth was the “god” of the tablets’ guardians, the Earth Devouring Earth). I strongly suspected who I’d be facing in the mission…

Emily recalled ‘digging deep’ in her search for the Tablets – she emerged into a tunnel system filled with ‘Devouring’ creatures. Early on she found a “Wyrm” that was interested in finding its partner – she could sense where the partner was, and headed in that direction. Right next to the Wyrm was a bodybag. Curious, she looked inside, fearing she’d recognize who was within – and her mind drifted to Valerie Gaul. She had a fleeting fear Valerie would be in the bag, but then remembered “she was at the bottom of that deep pond.” (That didn’t sound encouraging…)

Note: In the description of one of the repurposed DE mobs (I forget which) was a reference to Valerie Marshall (I think that was the last name). Was that supposed to be Valerie Gaul?


The untended weeds attempt to drive a point into the heart of the matter. Yeah. That was terrible.

Emily battled her way through the remaining Devouring “things”, and found both the second Wyrm and the Tablets in the same general location. First she dealt with the Devouring that were threatening the Wyrm – the Wyrms were eager to get on with their game, and thanked Emily and left. Emily then retrieved the Tablets of Bismuth – which actually looked like pink tablets. She ate them and her stomach felt better…

Note: Nice – Pepto Bismol. Definitely a reference I wouldn’t have seen coming, but makes sense once you get the clue.

Hmm … this part of the story seemed distinctly different from the first – far more like Emily was just playing make-believe one day in her father’s organic pumpkin farm, got an upset stomach, and went to get some Pepto. I wondered if she’d ever actually fought the Devouring Earth…

It was seeming like my first thoughts were wrong. Both ‘episodes’ might very well have been a young girl’s fantasy world – but, in the context of Paragon City (and the Isles), one populated by fanciful versions of the very real ‘threats’ she’d heard stories of (perhaps from her parents, or on TV).

The hint that Emily was not feeling well, while innocent enough, was a bit foreboding. As I continued to read the diary, was I going to learn that I was reading words of a young girl that had later died of a serious illness?

As I continued to read the diary, Emily noted that “her words rebelled” – it was as though something else was controlling her, forcing her to write things she didn’t really think. There was also an odd reference to her keeping her eyes closed for a week (again, possibly a reference to an illness – I really wasn’t sure). In any case, it seemed Emily had finished the Book of No Return, and it was time to ‘return’ it to the Library.

As I arrived at the Library (actually a large graveyard), Emily’s writings let me know I was already reading the Book of No Return, so, by all rights, it didn’t make sense that I would be here looking for it.

So now it was *me* doing this, not Emily. Actually, Emily’s dreams appeared to be prophetic – so as I ‘explored’ the Library, I found myself wondering if I was actually seeing Emily’s dream of me arriving at the Circle nest, and finding the Book – here, of course, my actions would be interpreted through Emily’s rather unique view of the world. (In other words, I assumed I was still reading the diary, but now I was reading about my own actions leading to finding the diary, as observed by Emily in her dreams – presumably before she died; and I did get the feeling she had died some time ago).

Well, once I entered the Library, it was obvious there was no way this could be interpreted as Emily’s view of me rooting out and defeating a Circle nest. The place was full of formless energy, acting in the role of ‘Library Staff.’ Hmmm … was this an account of what it would be like to be in the Library of Souls?

The Library had shelves of books for me to search, but the common theme was all the various ways to die. That made me even more sure Emily was dead – and that my ‘real’ quest here was to find her account of what had happened to her. Fatal disease? Apparently not, according to the Library. Murdered? Again, no. Although the reference to her having experience with murder but not its victim was rather creepy (perhaps someone she knew)? I also found that she was “only 24 when she ‘had her dream about the Book of No Return.’” And lots of other interesting clues…


You know, if the shelvers and the sorters would actually do their jobs, rather than lob pink lightning bolts at me, this Library might be a bit better organized…

Note: You’re definitely keeping my interest, although I’m really not very sure exactly what’s going on. I’m hoping it’ll become clearer either in the next mission, or as this one progresses – or, at least, the souvenir will shed some light on it if the poor player just can’t piece the clues together…

Either just through dumb luck, or expert design, I got all eight “other” causes of death, before I found Emily’s. Accident, huh? I kept reading, intent on seeing where this would go…

Note: All of the ‘subjects’ show up in ‘sorting order’ but this one … for me, even though it was ‘code’ 300 to 399, it showed up between 500 and 599 and 600 and 699.

Once again, this experience is a change from the previous – I get the impression I’ve seen myself do something … experience something … that never actually happened. I’m reading about it in this diary, and it seems to be *happening* to me – although, still, somehow, I’m aware I’m only reading it. As though I’m in a waking dream.

It’s clear that to get out of this fantasy, I’ll need to see the story to its conclusion. Which is exactly what Emily wanted to happen…

It’s also seems pretty clear to me that the Library is something other than the Circle’s Library of Souls (as witnessed by someone trapped within); at the very least, the catalog covering different types of death seems to preclude that (souls in the Circle’s Library would basically all be victims of murder).

Put another way, I’m definitely having to admit that I’m not following exactly what’s going on (beyond just the basics of the plot). We’ll see if the end of the diary sheds any light…

After finding the Book of No Return in the library, it would seem that it has no ending (at least the version of it in my mind’s eye doesn’t – the real version that I at least *think* I’m reading does, and I *think* I’m now reading it … and it is showing my role in this ending).

I also get some insight into what the Book of No Return is really about. It would seem Emily’s magical abilities (which included her imagination becoming reality) always pulled on her sanity, and she sought it to end. Or, rather, the part of her mind she felt she couldn’t control needed to be ‘locked away.’ In a sense, that’s what her Book might be – a way to magically ‘lock away’ the parts of her psyche (and her ability) that she feels she can’t control. We’ll see. So far my track record of understanding what’s going on is less than stellar.

What Emily does explain to me (through her diary) is that she spend her days (after her parents died) on her grandfather’s pumpkin farm, where she would play in the surrounding forests, talking to the trees and animals. Then, one fateful day, a fire started in the barn, and somebody died. She was blamed for starting the fire, and has been running ever since. I think I might now get to see what happened to her…

…shortly after arriving in this final chapter of her Book, it would seem this is where Emily has hidden her nightmares, and some of her most tragic memories. Nearly everything here appears to represent some childhood trauma – or even an otherwise pleasant memory distorted into something awful by the nightmare.

As I wander through Emily’s “nightmare” of the pumpkin farm, I stumble across the King of all Monsters. At the start of the story, Emily had once mentioned that she’d tried to write a Book of Perfection – but had failed. Evidently this thing was the reason she’d failed – it was always following her, always ruining her plans. The monster’s description hinted that Emily had possibly become self-destructive as a result (although, according to what I found in the library, she hadn’t taken her own life).


The King of All Monsters might look a bit goofy, but he’s got some downright disturbing dialog.

Based on the King’s dialog, it would seem he is a personification of someone who abused Emily growing up. And that same person is who died in the barn fire – in fact, it’s now obvious that Emily locked him in there… she killed him to end the abuse. Now the reference in the Library to having experienced murder but not having been its victim made sense… What’s more, the Book of Perfection appeared to be a metaphor for the perfect life Emily thought she would have had if this abusive individual hadn’t come into her life. Perhaps that meant that the Book of No Return symbolized the moment Emily had decided to take action, which, of course, would change her life forever – she was starting down a path she’d never return from.

One other detail that I’ve left out is that Emily was also the name of Emily’s doll – I’m guessing that as the rage at her treatment built up within her, she one day shredded the doll completely. She’s missed her ever since. Guarding the doll was Valerie Gaul; it would seem that Emily actually killed her one day in retaliation for the relentless teasing she received for an ugly scar on her hand. I *think* the police led Emily away after she burned the barn down, so that would suggest Valerie was murdered before that.

With growing trepidation I realize the end of the story involves Emily doing horrible things in response to the horrible things done to her…

Somehow, Emily escaped into her Book of No Return. While I don’t quite get the reference to the Book of Scars (beyond her rather self-conscious loathing of the scar she got on her hand from the fish hook – and possibly a serious injury involving an ice cream truck), Emily did seem to want to escape from the Book.

Doll-Emily led me to a cocoon, presumably with Emily trapped inside.

Even if it was her own doing, nobody deserved to be trapped in this self-imposed hell. I would at least try to free her, lthough I intended to bring Emily to justice once she was freed (plus, she seemed to promise that she would wreak terrible vengeance once freed). But it was all for naught. There was nothing in the cacoon; Emily was still trapped. It truly was the Book of No Return.

Pros: If you like arcs loaded with detail, where the author has inserted ‘story’ in to virtually everything that can hold a text string, then this is an arc worth checking out. As suggested, I certainly took it slow, read virtually everything I thought to read, and likely still missed little details. In a sense, this arc has reply value simply by virtue of the fact you’d likely notice things the second time you missed the first. The story (and the method of telling it) is very unconventional, but it is well done: I certainly can’t think of ways the story could be improved and the arc still have the same overall ‘feel.’ But, to be honest, this way of presenting a story is not my forte, so my comments (or ability to suggest improvements) should be taken with a grain of salt anyway.

While the method of telling the story can certainly be very confusing at times, in general, the further I got into the arc, the clearer the story got for me. Granted, I *still* don’t have a *clear* understanding of just what happened to Emily, but I do think just about anyone playing the arc will at least get the basic elements by the end, and that’s good, given the complex way the story is presented. And, as an aside, I did find that the story had an emotional impact, so I can honestly say it kept my attention.

Another notable thing is the use of repurposed, re-colored mobs. The Devouring Earth really stood out – I almost wish they had that color scheme in the real game.

Cons: Not surprisingly, the way the story is told can be a double-edged sword. If you are one of those people that needs to have a clear view of what’s going on both at every step of the story, and everything wrapped up nicely at the end, this isn’t the arc for you.

One thing I did notice is that the way the story, um, “clarified” by the end seemed to make the first parts actually make less sense. At the moment, I’m most confused about what was really going on in the first two missions (especially the first one). My current interpretation is that I’m watching what Emily did to construct the Book in the first two missions, and I *think* the second mission is actually depicting events from before the first (although, to be honest, it was the second mission where I had the hardest time seeing the point – ostensibly, I’m watching Emily find the second component of her Book, but the mission actually seems more like an introduction to the first part of Emily’s life story). I’m guessing whatever she needed from the “farm” she got a long time ago, but fled to Cap after she burned down the barn (to escape the police), and finished creating the Book there. The third mission actually seems to be me delving into the Book to find out Emily’s true story – and learning that Emily herself is actually hidden in the parts of the Book that were torn out. And the final mission is trying to find Emily herself. But it might also be that she really did get something from the Devouring Earth after getting whatever she needed from the Clockwork, and was just insane by that point, and saw the Devouring Earth as synonymous with creatures she imagined in her early childhood. But, clearly, I’m confused as to what exactly is going on.

And that brings me to the main thing that I *wished* the arc had: a kind of compromise between the player having to piece together the story from clues scattered throughout missions that aren’t necessarily presented in chronological order (which, is *not* a bad thing, by the way), and simply “rewarding” the player with the story if they get through the arc. Specifically, I’m wishing the souvenir had a more explicit version of Emily’s story so that if the player couldn’t necessarily put everything together (as I couldn’t), you’d still get rewarded with “what really happened” at the very end. Almost like a chance to compare notes (I was hoping the souvie would have the real story so I could see how close my interpretation was to it).

So overall, a very good arc – well constructed, lots of attention to detail, and a very atypical way to tell the story (which helps make the arc stand out).

Score: 4.417

I'll throw my hat in the ring, if you're still taking entries. Just getting the hang of this MA thing, so I need some quality feedback - looks like you're good at that.

Arc Name: Nothing to Worry About [SFMA][HLMA][CFMA][HGMA]
Arc ID: 500325
Faction: Custom
Level: 40-Max (higher is better)
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Apolinus
Difficulty Level: Moderate to high. Soloable.
Synopsis:
The Freedom Phalanx needs your help investigating a meteor strike in Atlas Park. Your investigation turns up a lot more than anyone bargained for, and soon the entire dimension of primal earth is at stake.
Estimated Time to Play: <1 hour (4 missions)

Thnaks for the play-through and the very in depth reading you gave my arc! I'm pleased to see that you did take your time and thought about what you were seeing as that's 'the way' I meant for it to be played.

And now, on to the usual quoting and discussion:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 The Robots had taken over part of Cap au Diable, near the WSPDR tower, and were planning on using it to transmit a sentient signal across the airwaves.

Minor quibble: the Haunted Robots are already broadcasting Wizard Machine's signal, it's what animates them; they, the radio station and the various destructibles all make up the Wizard Machine. I'll look into making that more clear as it's an important point to the metaphor I constructed this mish around.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 The entire mission is written as though I am “dreaming” or “seeing” what Emily did – walking in her footsteps...I believe the author’s intent is to give the mission an almost surreal feel, and it’s pulled off well. It’s unclear yet whether the intent is that I’m just sitting there reading the diary and the “missions” are me imagining in my mind’s eye what she’s describing, *or* if there is magic on this diary, and I’m actually magically experiencing what Emily did.

Mish 1 and 2 are supposed to be you reading what she did while actually 'walking in her footsteps' (afterall, the players need foes to whomp). I can see I may not have made that clear enough. On the other hand, having it a bit up in the air isn't at all a bad thing in my mind - the whole arc is intended to be a cryptic form of story-telling. I'll look into it though, maybe change it, maybe not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Note: It did seem odd that the descriptions of the haunted robots didn’t quite seem to match their name (e.g. the Jaegers were called “Myelin Sheath” but their description referred to them as “Brain Stems”).

My bad. I changed their name and forgot to check the bio. I'll fix that, thanks for catching it. Things like this tell me just how much attention you paid and I'm very glad to see it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 you might want to consider using a boss that isn’t a psychic “assembler prince” – since they like to ‘build’ actual clockwork (that have the normal clockwork description); if there’s no psychic equivalent of a cannon or tesla prince (there might not be), just disregard.

Never saw that in my play-testing! I'll look into that too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 In any case, the debriefing gives the strong impression that Emily has a very “nonstandard” perception of reality, colored by her dreams, and I’m seeing recognizable things “filtered” through her perceptions

In many ways, yes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 the Haunted Robots are actually the Clockwork – and I suspect the references to “sentient transmissions” are actually the Clockwork King’s psychic signal. In short, Emily faced the Clockwork with the intent of getting something important from them. What exactly the ‘brain machines’ were (or if they were really there when Emily was battling the Clockwork) – or what they represent – wasn’t something I really got, but I am enjoying this rather unique approach to an arc.

There is no ClockWork King involved with the Haunted Robots. This was me riffing on the metaphor I built the mission around, not working with canon stuff. Confusing, isn't it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Note: In the description of one of the repurposed DE mobs (I forget which) was a reference to Valerie Marshall (I think that was the last name). Was that supposed to be Valerie Gaul?

Yep, another editing error on my part. I thought I still had a ref to that version of Valerie's name but for the life of me I couldn't find it - thanks for spotting it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Hmm this part of the story seemed distinctly different from the first – far more like Emily was just playing make-believe

Reality does get more murky the further you go into the arc...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 As I arrived at the Library (actually a large graveyard), Emily’s writings let me know I was already reading the Book of No Return, so, by all rights, it didn’t make sense that I would be here looking for it.

... very murky.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Well, once I entered the Library, it was obvious there was no way this could be interpreted as Emily’s view of me rooting out and defeating a Circle nest. The place was full of formless energy, acting in the role of ‘Library Staff.’ Hmmm was this an account of what it would be like to be in the Library of Souls?

I have to admit I'd never heard of the CoT Library of Souls so I looked it up on paragonwiki. I can see the similarities, but that's obviously not what I had in mind since I'd never heard of it before, right? More riffing off the central metaphor the arc is written around.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Note: You’re definitely keeping my interest, although I’m really not very sure exactly what’s going on.

I love stories that do that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Note: All of the ‘subjects’ show up in ‘sorting order’ but this one for me, even though it was ‘code’ 300 to 399, it showed up between 500 and 599 and 600 and 699.

Zamuel mentioned he didn't get them in order either and truth be told I wasn't concerned about that when I put this together. I don't think it really matters if they come in order or not. On my play-test runs I usually got them rather out of order, you seem to ave gotten lucky.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Once again, this experience is a change from the previous – I get the impression I’ve seen myself do something experience something that never actually happened. I’m reading about it in this diary, and it seems to be *happening* to me – although, still, somehow, I’m aware I’m only reading it. As though I’m in a waking dream.

There's an off-hand reference to this in a mission-complete to Mish 2 I think. Or maybe it was in the complete for this one, I don't recall right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 I also get some insight into what the Book of No Return is really about. It would seem Emily’s magical abilities (which included her imagination becoming reality) always pulled on her sanity, and she sought it to end. Or, rather, the part of her mind she felt she couldn’t control needed to be ‘locked away.’ In a sense, that’s what her Book might be – a way to magically ‘lock away’ the parts of her psyche (and her ability) that she feels she can’t control. We’ll see. So far my track record of understanding what’s going on is less than stellar.

No, I'd say you're doing pretty well! (And I like the above interpretation too.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 What’s more, the Book of Perfection appeared to be a metaphor for the perfect life Emily thought she would have had if this abusive individual hadn’t come into her life. Perhaps that meant that the Book of No Return symbolized the moment Emily had decided to take action, which, of course, would change her life forever – she was starting down a path she’d never return from.

Very good interpretations!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Guarding the doll was Valerie Gaul

That was a bit of good luck with your run - VG is a Lt. in the enemy group I set for the map, it might have been any other critter there. I so wish we could set a boss encounter right next to a glowie, I'd totally set VG there, it's very fitting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Somehow, Emily escaped into her Book of No Return. While I don’t quite get the reference to the Book of Scars (beyond her rather self-conscious loathing of the scar she got on her hand from the fish hook – and possibly a serious injury involving an ice cream truck), Emily did seem to want to escape from the Book.

She had a lot to want to escape from.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 As suggested, I certainly took it slow, read virtually everything I thought to read, and likely still missed little details.

Again, I thank you for that careful playing. I think you're one of the best reviewers around right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 The story (and the method of telling it) is very unconventional, but it is well done: I certainly can’t think of ways the story could be improved and the arc still have the same overall ‘feel.’ But, to be honest, this way of presenting a story is not my forte, so my comments (or ability to suggest improvements) should be taken with a grain of salt anyway.

For someone who's forte isn't this sort of story-telling, you did quite well I think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 While the method of telling the story can certainly be very confusing at times, in general, the further I got into the arc, the clearer the story got for me. Granted, I *still* don’t have a *clear* understanding of just what happened to Emily, but I do think just about anyone playing the arc will at least get the basic elements by the end, and that’s good, given the complex way the story is presented.

Then it worked for you the way I wanted it to. I wanted to make this arc creepy, cryptic and something of a mental puzzle for the player to piece together from the little details and overall tone I set. The finished picture they get will probably never be 100% complete (or exactly as it was to me, which is intended), but you'll see the broader brushstrokes of the character and her life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Another notable thing is the use of repurposed, re-colored mobs. The Devouring Earth really stood out – I almost wish they had that color scheme in the real game.

I'm surprised that this is the second time I've heard that about The Earth Devouring The Earth. I don't see what I did with them as being all that... well, good, but I'm glad it seems to be working for people.

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Originally Posted by Coulomb2 One thing I did notice is that the way the story, um, “clarified” by the end seemed to make the first parts actually make less sense. At the moment, I’m most confused about what was really going on in the first two missions (especially the first one). My current interpretation is that I’m watching what Emily did to construct the Book in the first two missions, and I *think* the second mission is actually depicting events from before the first (although, to be honest, it was the second mission where I had the hardest time seeing the point – ostensibly, I’m watching Emily find the second component of her Book, but the mission actually seems more like an introduction to the first part of Emily’s life story). I’m guessing whatever she needed from the “farm” she got a long time ago, but fled to Cap after she burned down the barn (to escape the police), and finished creating the Book there. The third mission actually seems to be me delving into the Book to find out Emily’s true story – and learning that Emily herself is actually hidden in the parts of the Book that were torn out. And the final mission is trying to find Emily herself. But it might also be that she really did get something from the Devouring Earth after getting whatever she needed from the Clockwork, and was just insane by that point, and saw the Devouring Earth as synonymous with creatures she imagined in her early childhood. But, clearly, I’m confused as to what exactly is going on.

I really like your interpretation there. And don't worry about the confusion.

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Originally Posted by Coulomb2 And that brings me to the main thing that I *wished* the arc had: a kind of compromise between the player having to piece together the story from clues scattered throughout missions that aren’t necessarily presented in chronological order (which, is *not* a bad thing, by the way), and simply “rewarding” the player with the story if they get through the arc. Specifically, I’m wishing the souvenir had a more explicit version of Emily’s story so that if the player couldn’t necessarily put everything together (as I couldn’t), you’d still get rewarded with “what really happened” at the very end. Almost like a chance to compare notes (I was hoping the souvie would have the real story so I could see how close my interpretation was to it).

I can appreciate what you say, but it's not what I wanted this arc to be or end up as. "Broad brushstrokes", as I said above. If I had to compare the arc to a painting for instance, this is intended to be more of an impressionistic work rather than one of photographic realism. It also shares some similarities with a dream - beholden to its own logic that sometimes is just flat out confusing to consider once you wake up.

On top of that, I'm discovering the joys of creating something that is open to some interpretation - I get to hear other people's ideas about it! I didn't just randomly throw stuff into this arc to "let you guys figure out what it means, if anything." That's a common accusation of works like this, not that you made it - you approached it with an open mind and found patterns in it, some I intended and others I might not have, but still valid readings. Everything I put in does mean something and points to something I knew about the story and Emily Yikes, but spilling the beans would lessen the experience you have with it, the way you interact with the ideas and themes.

I think that's way more fun than just another punch-up.

And now for Pro Payne’s next adventure (it’s actually futher down, after my responses to Clave Dark 5.)

First, thanks very much to CD5 for his responses, and the kind words. A few responses:

CD5: Mish 1 and 2 are supposed to be you reading what she did while actually 'walking in her footsteps' (afterall, the players need foes to whomp). I can see I may not have made that clear enough. On the other hand, having it a bit up in the air isn't at all a bad thing in my mind - the whole arc is intended to be a cryptic form of story-telling. I'll look into it though, maybe change it, maybe not.

Me: I actually ultimately got this pretty well, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

CD5: There is no ClockWork King involved with the Haunted Robots. This was me riffing on the metaphor I built the mission around, not working with canon stuff. Confusing, isn't it?

Me: Oddly, no CWK here is closer to canon than you might suspect; if memory serves, the Cap Clockwork aren’t actually animated by the King (at least not anymore) – they’re actually ‘powered’ by Bat’Zul.

CD5: I have to admit I'd never heard of the CoT Library of Souls so I looked it up on paragonwiki. I can see the similarities, but that's obviously not what I had in mind since I'd never heard of it before, right? More riffing off the central metaphor the arc is written around.

Me: Yeah, by the end of the arc it was pretty clear it wasn’t the Library of Souls either. Think of those references as a side effect of the fact that I try to write what I think is going on at the time; I won’t always go back and correct it as my impressions (or understanding) change, even if it turns out I was embarrassingly far off; I figure it’s a bit more useful (or entertaining) to the author if they know what I’m actually thinking while I’m playing.

CD5: Again, I thank you for that careful playing. I think you're one of the best reviewers around right now.

Me: Thank you!

CD5: can appreciate what you say, but it's not what I wanted this arc to be or end up as. "Broad brushstrokes", as I said above. If I had to compare the arc to a painting for instance, this is intended to be more of an impressionistic work rather than one of photographic realism. It also shares some similarities with a dream - beholden to its own logic that sometimes is just flat out confusing to consider once you wake up.

On top of that, I'm discovering the joys of creating something that is open to some interpretation - I get to hear other people's ideas about it! I didn't just randomly throw stuff into this arc to "let you guys figure out what it means, if anything." That's a common accusation of works like this, not that you made it - you approached it with an open mind and found patterns in it, some I intended and others I might not have, but still valid readings. Everything I put in does mean something and points to something I knew about the story and Emily Yikes, but spilling the beans would lessen the experience you have with it, the way you interact with the ideas and themes.

Me: To be completely honest, I try to focus on the one thing I know for sure – what would have made the arc more enjoyable for me. I try hard to make no pretext that what I think would make it better will actually make it more fun for anyone else. Heck, maybe I’ve got very strange tastes and what would improve it for me would make everyone hate it. And I’m not above admitting that sometimes what I *think* would make me enjoy an arc more might end up actually not if the changes were made and I played it again. Granted, I don’t think that’s the case here (I do kind of like to compare the ‘real answer’ to ‘what I thought the answer was’ – just the scientist in me coming out.) That’s a long way of saying I completely understand where you’re coming from.

For the record, I never got the impression anything in the arc was there at random (and you recognized I didn’t make that accusation – you correctly guessed why). I suspected everything had a reason based on what you knew about the ‘real’ story. I’m actually very happy to know I was right about that!

Nothing to Worry About: (Arc ID#500325, 3 stars, 4 stars given in game)

Consider this a very slight nitpick, but my preference is for tags to be in the description, not the title – they’ll work on a search either way, but putting them in the description looks ‘cleaner,’ IMO.

So I’m contacted by Dr. Keyes - deliberate, or does the profanity filter actually block Positron? I’d imagine it’s the latter.

According to Posi, a meteor has struck Atlas Park, causing considerable damage. Furthermore, the sensors in Peregrine Island are detecting interdimensional energy (IDE). Posi needs me to check it out, get some samples and set up some portable IDE scanners in the immediate vicinity of the meteorite to get better readings.

Notes: In Posi’s briefing, you’ve got a double period near the end of the first paragraph. And this is just me being nitpicky, but you really *wouldn’t* need police scanners to tell you about a meteor impact where the meteorite is the size of a bus – unless the thing kind of hovered to a landing, it would have impacted with the force of a small nuclear blast. Anyone is Paragon City would have flat out seen a fireball over Atlas Park. Heck, it’d probably be much more dramatic to have Posi approach it like: “You know that brilliant flash over Atlas Park? And that concussion that almost knocked you flat? That was a meteor impact, and…” You get the idea.

Oh! It appears you’re using the ruined Atlas Park map, rather than the meteor impact map. Actually, nice pick, since, ironically, Atlas Park *should* look like this after a meteor impact like the one in the other map.

And it also appears the ruins of Atlas Park are inhabited by … well, basically zombies, although there are other strange creatures about. There must have been something really bad in that meteorite…

Note: Your custom faction is only giving half XP – at first I thought maybe your actual custom were just a bit ‘skimpy’ on the attack powers, but then I noticed the repurposed Developer mobs were also awarding half XP. That means your faction doesn’t have a (viable) spawnable boss. You should really fix that … no reason why the faction should have bosses available.

Another Note: Your impact conflagrations have a typo in their description (“genergy” instead of “energy”). A few more “early impressions” regarding the customs: the fact the corrupted women were attacking me with kinetic melee seemed … odd … not sure why exactly; it just didn’t seem to reflect “corrupted by meteor energy” (oddly, energy melee would have – but that’s probably just me). Also, I was wondering if there was a way to make the Corrupted Behemoths look more “stitched together”? They almost seem too ‘clean’ for an abomination of cobbled corpse parts – now part of that might just be their color scheme making their zombie components blend in, but I might suggest making their skin tone a more ‘gray’ color, using a bright red “claws” or “razor” pattern (whatever that ragged looking one is – it’s actually in the patterns you can overlay on the base costume pieces), and maybe adding an aura of flies. Alright, and one final note – it seems odd to me that the corrupted women are called ‘corrupted women’ but the men are ‘corrupted headbangers’ – it would make more sense to me for them to be corrupted men.

As promised by Posi, the fragments were right around city hall. That’s also where I set up the portable IDE scanners. I then had to scour the ruins looking for the seven citizens that had been captured. I rescued them all, then returned to Positron.

More Notes: Two first impression sorts of things: one, I think the mission really needs more ‘flavor’ clues – if anything to break the potential monotony. Let’s face it, having seven rescues scattered across a large outdoor map gets boring – but each (or some) of the rescued citizens had their own “here’s what I saw” type story for you to read, it’d catch interest a bit more. If you really want to make the gameplay flow better in this mission, you could also choose a really visible emote for the citizens (or their captors) to make them stand out better from a distance.

A few days later, the rebuilding of Atlas Park was already underway. Positron had been up for days pouring over his data, and come to two unsettling conclusions:

One, the meteor had, in fact, opened a dimensional tear. Many of the creatures roaming Atlas Park had “leaked” through the tear.

Two, the meteor had borne some sort of (as yet unknown) life form. More specifically, some mysterious cellular material. Although Positron didn’t actually say so, I suspected ‘infection’ with these cells may explain the corrupted – and perhaps some of the other ‘undead’ that were present.

With very little warning, Positron got an alert that Portal Corporation was under attack. Presumably it was creatures similar to the ones that were roaming Atlas, although I suppose it really could have been anyone (maybe Crey wanted to get their hands on the meteor fragments?). It didn’t matter – it looked like I needed to be saving Portal Corps.

Note: That does bring up a minor point – there really isn’t anything in the briefing per se that spells out what exactly is attacking, and although there is a ‘most logical’ assumption, it wouldn’t be unjustifiable for it to be some other faction that also has an interest in the meteor. Whoever sent Posi the alert most likely mentioned what Portal Corp was being attacked by: and you’d figure Posi would pass on the information to me, so that I’d know for sure what I was going to be up against.

The moment I enter the Portal Corp. lab, it’s clear my suspicions were correct. The attackers, while subtly different from what was in Atlas Park, are clearly related. I’m going to need to retrieve the fragments, rescue anyone who needs rescuing, and make sure these things don’t destroy the central computer.

Note: Hmm … it’d actually make slightly more sense for me to be protecting something like a dimensional stabilizer; Positron did mention the attackers might be there to smash it. By the end of the mission, it is clear that the stabilizers have already been taken (or destroyed); but for clarity, it might be better to have Posi direct me to try to protect both the central computer and the stabilizers as part of the mission sendoff.

I am really liking the descriptions for the custom mobs – well done! And this particular version of their faction has bosses, so their giving full rewards.


Thanks to you, I get full XP now!

The central computer actually isn’t all that far into the lab; I destroy the corrupted beings poised to smash it, and then move deeper into the lab.

Note: The computer’s description actually says “This computer must be destroyed.” Probably want to change that…

I find several of the corrupted guarding a metal crate, but there’s nothing in it. The fragments must be in another one. It’s about three floors up that I find Dr. Kryten (the scientist I have to save). I rescue him, and have to lead him out?! Argh. Dude, the way behind me is totally clear! It’s *your* own dang lab! Surely you know how to get out on your own! *Sigh*

I lead him all the way down through three floors. Then go all the way back up to where I was, and continue my search.

Well, at least he handed me a scrap of paper with a few notes jotted down. Something about the dimensional disturbance giving bizarre readings, and there being nothing beyond it – nothing at all. He has an idle speculation that it might be hell, or perhaps just total oblivion. Either way, it doesn’t sound good.

It appears that the Portal Corp staff had stored the meteor fragments at the very back of the lab – I found them in the third crate I searched (Edit: Oh! No I didn’t – it was some smashed equipment; the meteor fragments *aren’t* here after all), and the corrupted were not very keen on it. They sent a pretty big ambush in to take me out. Thankfully, they all proved satisfactorily flammable.

Note: While I’m not sure it is set up to always work this way, the fact that the ambush hit after the mission completed was really nice. I’m not a fan of big ambushes, but if you can just click ‘exit’ if you start to get overwhelmed, it’s a really good no harm no foul type situation. Ah ha! Actually it looks like I got somewhat lucky in this case. I need to watch those clues more carefully – I *didn’t* find the meteor fragment. I found a broken piece of equipment with a bloody, torn coat belonging to Dr. Kryten. It seems like I was supposed to find this first, and Kryten second. If that’s the case, you might want to consider easing on the ambush – it’s a ‘soapbox’ I’ve been on many times before, and I’m sure not everyone agrees with me, but by and large I assume players will select the highest difficulty setting that they can manage where the ‘basic’ spawns are still fun, versus frustrating. With the exception of a ‘patrol’ (which produce smaller than normal spawns for their setting), an easy setting for difficulty basically spawns something ‘on par’ with the players’ actual difficulty. So every time you don’t use easy, you’re probably going to spawn something that is in danger of crossing that line from fun to frustrating. I *don’t* dock points for ambushes set to something other than easy (well, unless you chain three or four ambushes all set to hard on a boss or something), but it is something to think about.

Okay, so what I’m noticing is that the ‘underling’ types for these ‘children of the meteor’ are basically normal citizens that have been corrupted – I’m guessing the cells hitching a ride on the meteor were responsible. *But* the ones directing the corrupted all have an ‘emptiness’ or ‘nothingness’ motif going for them. And I noticed no demons or other ‘hellish’ entities this time around – so I’m guessing the second of Dr. Kryten’s speculations about what’s beyond the dimensional disturbance might be closer to the mark.

I also find a note on the body of a corrupted directing these strange beings to assemble for a ‘ritual’ in a cavern below Atlas Park, where the meteor actually came to rest. Whatever the ritual is, it seems it’ll draw the world into the darkness (and oblivion) on the other side of the disturbance.

Note: Hmm … to be honest, I’m not sure if I like this. It really seems odd a corrupted would be carrying around a “let me explain my evil plan to my own followers” note. It might actually be a better idea to more slowly reveal this information through the story itself. Perhaps Kryten has noted that the source of the disturbance is buried in a cave below Atlas – where he believes the meteor landed. And then, in the next mission, some placed mobs spout dialog hinting at the Herald, and this ritual, and what the ritual will do (one advantage of having a custom group is that you can actually have a minion as a ‘boss’ – and therefore use boss details to provide flavor text without needing to actually have gobs of boss encounters).

In any case, I return to Positron to fill him in – it’s clear, though, that my next move is going to need to be to head into that cavern and put an end to this ritual.

According to the note, the corrupted actually dug into the cavern through an office building (although Posi refers to it as a ‘warehouse’, which might actually be a typo), so I first have to get to the tunnel through said office.

And the news is already looking bleak. The ranks of the corrupted have now been swollen with the walking dead, and other horrific abominations – it would appear that walking death is the ultimate fate of the corrupted (Edit: Or perhaps not; according to their descriptions, they’ve been dead a very long time. The corrupted likely managed to dig up and animate a cemetery, or something). Even worse, before sending me to the office, Positron told me he’d already arranged for the military (and, presumably, the police) to secure the area. Well, it looks like they got here before me, and didn’t last long in the face of the corrupting influence of the meteor – they had become corrupted themselves.

Quick Note: I think you meant for the corrupted officers to be armed with nightsticks – but they’re using the regular mace. It’s kind of jarring to see a cop pull out a giant spiky ball on a stick…

The office is pretty straightforward. I fight through hordes of the corrupted to get to their tunnels. Within the tunnels, I locate the magical empowerment glyphs, and proceed to destroy them.

More quick notes: The glyph text actually says destroying the glyph will put a ‘rench’ in their plans – just a little typo. And you actually get the clue (the tome of legends) after you destroy the first glyph, not the last.


Pro Payne throwing a ‘rench’ in the cult’s plans. (Sorry! I couldn’t resist!)

The Tome of Legends actually warns that the Herald the corrupted note refers to is about to make his move. Heck, apparently he’s the one directing the ritual – at least I think he is. I’m not sure how I suddenly knew his name was Mr. Grey, though (might be better to say ‘Stop the Ceremony’ or something).

Unfortunately, as I approach, Mr. Grey brags that the ritual is complete, promising that our battle is a mere formality that will usher one or both of us to oblivion just a bit faster than the rest of the world.

After a running battle (literally), he expires, warning me that whatever is going to draw the world into the void is now summoned into a cavern deep below. Hopefully, Positron can help me pinpoint where this cavern is, and provide a means for me to get there.


But how can nothing actually be considered ‘strong’? There … did my expert logical paradox reduce you to a whimpering shell of yourself? No? Oh well. (And here you can actually see a corrupted officer pulling out their spiked mace.)

Oh – the exit message makes it clear the Herald is actually the entity summoned, not the guy performing the ritual. Well, semantics really. Either way, I’ve got a big, nasty, evil thing to put a stop to…

I’m right about Posi being able to help me. With his help, Portal Corp is back online, and ready to teleport me directly into the cavern. They also inform me that a dimensional rift a few light years across is opening, centered on Earth. It’ll probably rapidly expand to encompass the universe if something isn’t done quickly.

So into the cavern I go…

There I find the last of the Herald’s servants – his own personal retinue seemingly composed of nightmares and entities of destruction. It looks like I’ve got a horde of them to fight through to get to the Herald himself.

Note: They’re worth half XP too – you need to add a spawnable boss to this group. Interestingly, the Hammers are actually worth a lot less. I wonder if they don’t have any ranged attacks?

Interestingly, I actually run into the Herald pretty quickly…

Oh no. He’s taken on my appearance and powers (well, the appearance is kind of a twisted mockery). Oh god no.


We’re both highly resistant to each other’s attack powers. And have a healing ability in our defense set. It’s going to be (and was) a *long* fight.

Ten minutes later I manage to whittle his last sliver of life away. He mocks me as he falls, claiming that he’s now going to shed my form and face me with his true, awesome power. The irony is, unless his true awesome power also has fiery aura, I suspect his final form will actually be an easier fight…

…turns out I was wrong. Actually, Apolinus really wasn’t that bad on his own. It was the massive waves of ambushes that served to bolster his defenses as his health went down.

Now, mind you, these were not your ordinary, run of the mill ambushes. Well, I think the first one might have been. But the next two (unless it was just one really huge one) were drawn from an ‘all boss’ faction. And the bosses were these things called Void Titans. Which had Elude (or some other tier 9 that made them impossible to hit) and Void Elementals, who had a nice array of psi powers, and the ability to summon in phantasms and spectral terrors. And they can fly. And it’s a big cavernous room.

The Herald, Apolinus, was a demon summoner, so, as you might imagine, the playing field was rather crowded by the time I went down.

What followed was a rather slow slog that involved slowly clearing out the waves of reinforcements (not easy as virtually everyone had a way of throwing me around like a rag doll – fortunately popping four purples at a time can put an end to that, for a while.) Rise of the Phoenix proved surprisingly useless – beyond the period of invincibility, once I can be hit again, the fact that I spent most of the time on my butt meant I wasn’t really getting anything accomplished.

So basically: clear a boss or two. Die. Buy a new round of inspirations. Run back to the end fight. Clear a boss or two. Die. Buy a new round of inspirations. Etc.

Anyway, once the ambushes were cleared, I could tackle Apolinus himself. He’d, of course, healed completely by this point, but without his hordes, he was a nice challenge, but not overwhelming.

That was really the low point of an otherwise pretty good arc. I’d definitely say that final encounter really needs to be toned back. I absolutely think that last fight can (and should) feel epic, but pounding the player into the ground repeatedly isn’t so much epic as it is frustrating.

Pros: The big one that stands out is the custom group. There’s a lot of variety, many of the visual designs are quite good (although some others could use tweaking, but I mention that earlier), and the power balance is, in general, just fine (I’ve noted a few exceptions in Cons that might be worth looking at). What’s more, while each mission draws from a ‘core’ faction, there are variations from mission to mission, which makes things interesting. The mob descriptions are particularly good. The story itself struck me as thematically similar to ‘zombie horror’ – but with enough of a twist to keep me interested. Furthermore, the story developed very logically from one mission to the next – each mission felt ‘necessary’ to tell the next part of the story. The text was written well – it flowed well and was easy to read. Bottom line, except at the very end, I really did enjoy playing the arc. It’s got a lot of positives.

Cons: While there are places where the arc shines, there are other parts that I do honestly think really need some work. All throughout the writeup, I’ve got plenty of minor notes for the author to consider, and those, by and large, really aren’t major criticisms. I’ll summarize them here, but for this section I’d prefer to focus on the things that IMO are more ‘major.’

First and foremost is the balance in the final encounter. One of the reasons I actually like using Pro Payne for arc reviews is that, although a scrapper, he’s about as squishy as a scrapper can get. So if it’s hard for him, it tends to be murderous for someone squishier. The final encounter involves an elite boss capable of summoning in six demons. He’s augmented by a series of ambushes, at least one of which is rigged to only spawn in bosses. And the spawning system *doesn’t* balance for that: if it thinks a ‘balanced’ spawn should be 3 minions and 1 lieutenant, and it only has bosses to choose from, it’s not going to turn that into one boss. You get ambushed by 4 bosses (I actually had a total of five at one point). Half the bosses have what is at least an elude-like tier 9. The other half each summon in a spectral terror and a phantasm. And the phantasm then summons in a decoy. Add another ambush with (thankfully) a ‘normal’ group – so for me, about 3 minions and 2 lieutenants, and you got an army of about 22 separate things trying to kill you. And here’s the irony, even if I lowered the difficulty, it’s not like the end boss summons fewer demons (or those Illusion bosses), so it actually wouldn’t reduce this number by that much. What you’ve got is a battle that, solo, you hope heavy inspiration use keeps you alive long enough to take out at least one boss so that at least each trip to the hospital represents progress. And really the first two or so trips you can’t even clear out a boss, because you first have to trigger them to use elude. It’s unlikely you’ll survive for the three minutes it takes for that power to wear off (but fortunately, you’re running back from the hospital as it times out, and they can’t use it again for about 15 more minutes.) Bottom line, I think that encounter needs to be toned back. And by that I don’t mean just a little – I mean a lot. Err on the side of too much, and you’ll probably get it just right. But one thing that I definitely think is critical: lose the all boss ambush. A wave of bosses rushing you is bad enough. A wave of bosses with eff-you powers is worse. A wave of bosses with eff-you powers that only give 25% experience is words I won’t use in polite company.

The second is in-mission pacing. In general, because objectives in indoor missions can be ordered, you’ve got a lot at your disposal to avoid situations where the player is running back and forth, trying to find an objective. In an outdoor map it’s luck of the draw. You might get your seven rescues in mission one all near each other in a place that I stumble across pretty quickly (good). All evenly around the map (often not as ‘fair’ as it sounds, given that it can get really tedious to slog through a big outdoor map – and skimming the whole map looking for things while avoiding encounters isn’t that much better). Or all clustered in an area I don’t reach until pretty much the rest of the map is uncovered (bad, obviously). In the first mission, you’ve got seven rescues in a map where visibility can be an issue (with all of the debris) – and unlike the collections they don’t all cluster around city hall. And neither they nor their captors are using flashy animation. And you’ve got mobs with willpower-granted mondo perceptions boosts that can see me from a mile off. The net result: by the time I get close enough to even tell if there’s a civilian in the group to rescue, the group is charging me down. And it’s a bad sign if I’m bored enough of cutting down groups looking for civvies that I just start letting the aggros chase me around lobbing potshots while I continue my search.

The most direct answer would be to reduce the number of civilian rescues from six to three (they seem to be three details each set to spawn twice anyway). But what would also help is if they gave flavor clues – a little reward for the story-oriented among us for rescuing them. No, not every detail needs a clue. That gets excessive too. But clues are often a nice reward for a more-tedious than average task. Of course, giving them a flashy animation to make them easier to spot wouldn’t hurt. And dropping powers that grant perception boosts would be good too.

A similar mission design issue comes up in the third mission. It’s generally pretty boring to have to escort someone through three floors of empty map. It’s doubly so if the escort isn’t in the final room (raising dramatically the odds that you’ve still got mission objectives left to do), because then you face the possibility of the player then having to go *back* through three floors of empty map just to continue the mission. Why not just let the escort tag along until you’re done with the other objectives? Frankly, because you never know for sure whether something won’t kill the escort (or, gasp, if the escort can actually attack or draw agro) and cause you to fail the mission. I’m *not* an expert on this, but my general rules of thumb: Only put ‘escort to the door’ details in a Front position (minimize the double-back distance), anything in a ‘middle’ detail gets to be a simple rescue (assume the way behind you is clear and send them on their way), OR if you do want a ‘deep’ escort, put them in the back, make sure the map is likely linear enough that all other objectives will be complete when you free the escort, and then program in a few obstacles to spawn in behind you (bosses and patrols can be fun) just to make the trip back to the entrance ‘rewarding.’

Third, and final. Never, ever forget that factions take huge XP hits if they are missing ranks (or said ranks can’t spawn in naturally). No bosses? Everything is only half the normal reward. Only bosses? (Or only minions, for example) Everything is only worth 25%. Basically, unless it is an actual boss in a boss detail, the faction should have all three ranks. In other words, never assume “playing for the story” is synonymous with “it’s okay if the rewards are badly sub-par.” The majority of players won’t agree.

As far as the minor nitpicks, the only ones that I think need elaboration (over what’s already in the writeup) are a few power choices, and these really are minor. First, be very mindful of powers that boost perception. Second, there was one place where the power choice itself didn’t quite seem thematic: kinetic melee on the corrupted women. It’s nothing more than this: it just doesn’t look right to see them play kinetic melee animations. Third, several of the corrupted use martial arts (which is good). You’ve retained shurikens as ranged weapons – which is good because it avoids that 40% XP cap for them. But zombies hurling thowing stars at you just seem … wrong. I’d consider replacing their secondary (which is likely some defense set anyway, and minions don’t get that much from defense sets) with either something that has throwing knives (and only select throwing knives from the set; they’re not my favorite power, but they make more sense then surikens) OR, possibly (if you can) something with a pistol: either Dual Pistols (you’d probably only need the set’s first power) or even the Thugs set (and just don’t actually give them any Thugs). By the way, Dark Blast might seem tempting, but that can get you into trouble since stacking massive To Hit debuffs on a player can be very aggravating.

Overall Summary: This is a good example of an arc that, at the moment, has some really good points balanced by what (IMO) are some real doozies. And that ends up making it score a bit above average (the bad balances the good). But, fortunately, a lot of the bad is actually not that hard to fix: it’s mechanics or mission design stuff, not huge problems with the story. And that could easily turn it from 3 stars into 5.

Score: 3.212

First, I can't express enough gratitude. I was looking forward to your review, but you've exceeded my wildest expectations - not only have you made suggestions that will make my arc much better, but you've made me a better author. For that, I am in your debt.

Responses in orange, below.

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Consider this a very slight nitpick, but my preference is for tags to be in the description, not the title – they’ll work on a search either way, but putting them in the description looks ‘cleaner,’ IMO.

A good idea. Fixed.

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So I’m contacted by Dr. Keyes - deliberate, or does the profanity filter actually block Positron? I’d imagine it’s the latter.

I was avoiding the filter - but I just tested it and Positron works now, so he's got his name back.

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Note: Your custom faction is only giving half XP – at first I thought maybe your actual custom were just a bit ‘skimpy’ on the attack powers, but then I noticed the repurposed Developer mobs were also awarding half XP. That means your faction doesn’t have a (viable) spawnable boss. You should really fix that no reason why the faction should have bosses available.

Rookie mistake fixed, and mission editing lesson learned. Thanks!

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Your impact conflagrations have a typo in their description (“genergy” instead of “energy”).

Fixed.

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the fact the corrupted women were attacking me with kinetic melee seemed odd not sure why exactly; it just didn’t seem to reflect “corrupted by meteor energy” (oddly, energy melee would have – but that’s probably just me).

Fixed.

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Also, I was wondering if there was a way to make the Corrupted Behemoths look more “stitched together”? They almost seem too ‘clean’ for an abomination of cobbled corpse parts – now part of that might just be their color scheme making their zombie components blend in, but I might suggest making their skin tone a more ‘gray’ color, using a bright red “claws” or “razor” pattern (whatever that ragged looking one is – it’s actually in the patterns you can overlay on the base costume pieces), and maybe adding an aura of flies

I've modified the costume for this one. I hope I've made a closer visual approximation of the description. Went with one of the 'Patterns'.. Pattern.. 5, I think, to try to make the arms look stitched on. Recolored the hands and feet... added the flies. Must say, he does look better.

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Alright, and one final note – it seems odd to me that the corrupted women are called ‘corrupted women’ but the men are ‘corrupted headbangers’ – it would make more sense to me for them to be corrupted men.

Added corrupted men as well.

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Two first impression sorts of things: one, I think the mission really needs more ‘flavor’ clues – if anything to break the potential monotony. Let’s face it, having seven rescues scattered across a large outdoor map gets boring – but each (or some) of the rescued citizens had their own “here’s what I saw” type story for you to read, it’d catch interest a bit more. If you really want to make the gameplay flow better in this mission, you could also choose a really visible emote for the citizens (or their captors) to make them stand out better from a distance.

The 'captive rescuing' sequence has been revised and shortened. It should also be more informative. I'm hoping it will now play better for most.


New and improved: Waving action!

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That does bring up a minor point – there really isn’t anything in the briefing per se that spells out what exactly is attacking, and although there is a ‘most logical’ assumption, it wouldn’t be unjustifiable for it to be some other faction that also has an interest in the meteor. Whoever sent Posi the alert most likely mentioned what Portal Corp was being attacked by: and you’d figure Posi would pass on the information to me, so that I’d know for sure what I was going to be up against.

Positron's dialog revised.

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Note: Hmm to be honest, I’m not sure if I like this. It really seems odd a corrupted would be carrying around a “let me explain my evil plan to my own followers” note. It might actually be a better idea to more slowly reveal this information through the story itself. Perhaps Kryten has noted that the source of the disturbance is buried in a cave below Atlas – where he believes the meteor landed. And then, in the next mission, some placed mobs spout dialog hinting at the Herald, and this ritual, and what the ritual will do (one advantage of having a custom group is that you can actually have a minion as a ‘boss’ – and therefore use boss details to provide flavor text without needing to actually have gobs of boss encounters).

Mission objectives and enemy groups revised to incorporate some of this great advice. Hadn't thought of using bosses in quite this way. This required some changes to missions two and three.

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(Edit: Or perhaps not; according to their descriptions, they’ve been dead a very long time. The corrupted likely managed to dig up and animate a cemetery, or something)

By its nature, the energy that surrounds the meteor strike, the cultists, and the Herald of oblivion animates the dead. This is in keeping with the end-time prophecies of many cultures, where it is said that in the last days 'the dead will walk the earth'.

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Quick Note: I think you meant for the corrupted officers to be armed with nightsticks – but they’re using the regular mace. It’s kind of jarring to see a cop pull out a giant spiky ball on a stick

Whoops! Saved myself a police brutality charge and fixed this.

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More quick notes: The glyph text actually says destroying the glyph will put a ‘rench’ in their plans – just a little typo. And you actually get the clue (the tome of legends) after you destroy the first glyph, not the last.

Glyph text revised on both counts.

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Note: They’re worth half XP too – you need to add a spawnable boss to this group. Interestingly, the Hammers are actually worth a lot less. I wonder if they don’t have any ranged attacks?

Hammers fixed (I hope). One spawnable boss moved over from a different custom group, one new spawnable boss created.

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Now, mind you, these were not your ordinary, run of the mill ambushes. Well, I think the first one might have been.

Believe it or not, it was a single ambush set for the 1/2 health mark.

The Void Elementals were Illusion(Hard)/Dark(Hard).

The Void Titans were Battle Axe (Hard)/Shield Defense(Standard).

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First and foremost is the balance in the final encounter.

Resolved. I think I've managed to maintain the cosmetic effect I wanted while significantly reducing the difficulty of the encounter.

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It’s generally pretty boring to have to escort someone through three floors of empty map.

Fixed. That objective is now a rescue.

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Third, and final. Never, ever forget that factions take huge XP hits if they are missing ranks (or said ranks can’t spawn in naturally). No bosses? Everything is only half the normal reward. Only bosses? (Or only minions, for example) Everything is only worth 25%. Basically, unless it is an actual boss in a boss detail, the faction should have all three ranks. In other words, never assume “playing for the story” is synonymous with “it’s okay if the rewards are badly sub-par.” The majority of players won’t agree.

A critical lesson well learned. Thank you.

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Third, several of the corrupted use martial arts (which is good). You’ve retained shurikens as ranged weapons – which is good because it avoids that 40% XP cap for them. But zombies hurling thowing stars at you just seem wrong. I’d consider replacing their secondary (which is likely some defense set anyway, and minions don’t get that much from defense sets) with either something that has throwing knives (and only select throwing knives from the set; they’re not my favorite power, but they make more sense then surikens)

Agreed and fixed (I think).

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By the way, Dark Blast might seem tempting, but that can get you into trouble since stacking massive To Hit debuffs on a player can be very aggravating.

Yep, absolutely agreed on the -ToHit - this is why you'll see that many of them have fire based powers as opposed to the seemingly more logical choice of dark.

Thank you again for your very in-depth review. The revisions have been added.

I know it's been forever, but I just wanted to say thanks and that I've taken your feedback into consideration.

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Originally Posted by Coulomb2 Note: Upon entering the mission, the pop-up mentioned the Veluszhi by name; that was a little jarring since it implied that the farmer had called the aliens by name (which he didn’t).

Noted and corrected.

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Almost immediately upon arriving at Atlas, the weird factor was ramped up a few notches as I did battle with an invading lieutenant. The creature referred to me as an ‘Edenite’, and made some awfully strange statements about dressing up like animals. Not to mention some sort of statement about coming here for the bunnygirls. Huh?

He only exists to mention the fact that Veluszhi can change their racial identity. I cut him out, and that mention is now part of Syn-fatuush's dialog and his boss defeat clue.

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Notes: On the plus side, the arc already gives the impression of being well constructed, and the custom group is very well done. On the ‘down’ side (sort of), although I’ve got the basic plot down solid, my first impression in this first mission is *strange.* Although, on a basic level, the story seems to be a serious one, it was actually a little hard for me to tell if some of the strangeness was intended as humor, or if it was intended to make the aliens seem strange. See, “strange” here isn’t bad per-se: these guys are aliens, so it doesn’t bother me that they seem strange. But, at the moment, if there are attempts at humor, I’d say they’re getting lost in the strangeness…

It was a problem of direction, as in I didn't know which one I wanted the story to take. By the end, I got it down, but the beginning is... odd.

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The first two tasks were easy enough, but the last proved impossible – literally. After searching through the map at least three times, I simply couldn’t find the Drill Sergeant at all. Note: I suspect this may be a case of objective overload; if you’re right at the limit of the number of objectives a map can take, sometimes a chained, but mission critical objective won’t spawn in, making the mission uncompleteable. Really, the only way to deal with this is to remove some of the ‘flavor’ objectives (especially things like that ambush, or some of the patrols) – or, alternately, don’t make the Drill Sergeant a chained objective; just have him spawn in right at the start.

He IS set to spawn from the start of the mission. Unfortunately, sometimes he either spawns in the wrong area or not at all. Even when he's the only objective on the map, he sometimes fails to spawn, and I've seen him spawn at the beginning of the level despite him being marked for the end.

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Minor Note: “Sounds like sarge ran outta medicine again…” “Oh, Christ. You know what? Just kill me now and get it over with.” Okay, very minor niggle … but it seems quite unrealistic that the footsoldiers of an alien empire would be using human-specific “swears.” Wouldn’t they say something like “Oh, Vid-Szhite” (or some other revered alien figure) instead?

This is supposed to be a little one-off joke, and I find that using names of foreign deities doesn't have quite the same impact. Feedback accepted, though; I changed it to Space Christ.

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But what was odd was Vid-Szhite was already being criticized for not doing enough to further the expansion of the Veluzhi. Given than the Veluzhi were clearly expanding their empire with gusto, Vid-Szhite must have opted to return the empire to its expansionist roots some time after this chronicle was written.

Correct.

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Note: I never did really figure out what the “WAFN SS-J” stood for… at least not at this point in the story.

It doesn't stand for anything. It's a play off of "Waffen SS", Hitler's Elites.

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(Note: Not *too* unreasonable, but, I think It’d be better if Argus dropped a clue that somehow gave me a story-related reason to know that the Emperor was here – as it stand, I simply defeat Argust, and suddenly know the Emperor is here as well, and needs to be defeated. That’s a bit jarring… without some sort of clue to advance the plot, the “feel” is that the mission should be over. Instead, I’m about to hunt down and fight the Emperor…)

There's optional bosses placed throughout the level that mention the Emperor is coming, at the beginning, mid, and end. If you missed all of them, it was just bad luck. They have a very bad habit of spawning at the very back end of the mission.

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It was actually the former Emperor Vid-Szhite that led me to Fed … I found him not too far away from where Rathie’s transport dropped me. The moment I rescued him, he told me where to find Fed. Note: Okay, that seems to be a rather large hole in the story. Why the heck is Vid-Szhite still alive? It seems to me that the progression of the story practically requires that he die in our previous encounter – after all, he *is* the Emperor, and if he isn’t, in fact, dead, then it seems neither Fed nor Rathie have a clear claim to power any more. After all, one would assume that a rather large fraction of the army was ‘probed’ from earlier campaigns (before they came to Earth), and would have a forced loyalty to the Emperor – a loyalty that could only be shifted to another member of the Empire if the Emperor was dead.

This only makes sense in context, and I had forgotten that I'd had to cut the context out of the last mission to make it fit the filesize. This is an origin story in disguise, of how Vid-szhite, my main, became stranded on Earth with his power gone. I'll fix that.

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Pros: As always, I’ve got feedback on things that I thought could be improved, but overall, I thought this was an excellent arc. One of my most common critiques is that the arc needs “polish” (my generic way of saying its needs some proofreading passes, perhaps a few adjustments to the story, tweaking of the custom characters, and some more flavor objectives to help draw you into the story). Well, here is an example of an arc that does *not* need polish – it is a well, put-together arc that has the feel of a lot of work having gone into it. Great use of clues, chained objectives (except for that one odd bug), flavor objectives. Excellent custom group overall. And I found the story to be pretty interesting. The twist with the farmer being the Chancellor was quite amusing: as you can tell from my commentary, I did notice a lot of oddness about the farmer, but it didn’t click as to who exactly he was practically until the story revealed it.

His oddness is completely intentional, but the foreshadowing gets lost in the wackiness of the enemy dialog sometimes.

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Cons: Well, if I’ve got to nitpick, I’ll start by summarizing my chief objections from the commentary: humor is a very subjective thing, and, for what it’s worth, I think some of the attempts at humor (if that’s what they were) fell flat early in the arc, especially in that first mission. It came off as “strange” or “awkward” more than funny. Granted, that might have also been the author’s intent, but I think it works better if you stick to one or the other. As it stands, it reads like the author’s trying to be funny, but it comes off as strange, as opposed to it being clear that the aliens are supposed to give you a very strange impression, with any humor that comes of that a complete coincidence.

Yep, it was intended as humor but failed. I'm working on it.

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Obviously, there was that bug in the second mission – it’s my sincere hope that was just a fluke. But it should be looked into: I know from personal experience random players tend to blame (and punish) the author for bugs that aren’t really their fault. You might not be able to completely eliminate it, but anything you can do to make it an extremely rare occurrence (or, alternately, plenty of testing to confirm it’s an extremely rare occurance) is a very good idea. In my experience, eliminating a few of the flavor objectives might help.

Every time I test his level, he spawns correctly. As soon as I play it live, something happens to his mission, every freaking time, and I don't know how to fix it without remaking the entire mission _again_, for all the good that's done me.

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In mission three, the appearance of the Emperor is like a hiccup in the plot – according to the setup, I’m supposed to be dealing with two “bigwigs.” The problem is, one of them turns out to not want to fight me (Fed), leaving the other to be defeated (Argus). So, now I’d assume I’ve dealt with the two leaders the Farmer was referring to, and it’s time to deal a final blow to the Empire (i.e. hunt down and defeat the Emperor, assuming he’s even with the invaders; I’ve gotten no indication as to whether or not he’s on the ground, on this ship, or directing operations from their homeworld, or something). But, instead, I just suddenly “know” the Emperor is also on the ship (when, apparently, I didn’t before) – and the only tangible thing that seems to inform me of that is Argus’ warning I won’t defeat the Emperor (which doesn’t really tell me he’s *here*). Some sort of clue telling me the Emperor has just arrived on the mothership and intends to face down and kill the ‘Edenite’ trespassor would really help here.

Again, there are optional bosses everywhere that mention his impending arrival. Sometimes, they all seem to gather in the same spot at the very back end of the level for some reason, when they're not set to spawn there.

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And finally, in mission four, there’s the appearance of the Emperor as ‘alive and well’, in spite of having been killed in mission three – and the story thus far only making sense if he was dead, not just badly injured.

Noted, working on it.

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A short word on the custom group. On one had, they did sometimes feel overpowered (especially if you assume you are at the low level range end of the arc). But, to be fair, it’s not like they were really defeating me consistently, which suggests their balanced just fine. So I got to really thinking about it, and, honestly, there’s one thing that stands out: it’s the plethora of ice control powers, particularly on the “Frost” bosses. It’s surprisingly easy for them to stack so much –recharge on you that your entire attack tray becomes a long line of perpetually tiny buttons. While that wouldn’t be as serious an issue for a defense based set, it can get to be terribly annoying for a resistance set (like Fire). Again, it’s not so much that the ice troopers are overpowered per se (I didn’t actually get defeated facing them), as their powers lead to situations where I’m completely out of attack powers, with none of them even close to recharging.

This is a problem with the experience system. If I don't give the ice control bosses their most annoying powers, the Architect gives people no exp for them. I did not want Ice bosses to be capable of killing people, but I'll rework them to make them less annoying. I do get that they're horrible.

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So, overall, this was a very well done arc – it was clear a lot of work has gone into it. It’s got a good story, an interesting set of custom groups, and missions that are (generally) well put together. Very good! Score: 4.50

Thanks! Much appreciated. I'll get right to work on fixing the oddities and then I'll get to work on a new arc.

Ah! Thank you very much for the response to my review, Vidszhite. These are (almost) always fun to read, given that either things that I didn't "get" are explained (always useful), or I get to see that my feedback actually made a difference.

While I don't think I really caught on it was a true 'origin story,' I was always clear on the fact that Vid-Szhite was almost certainly one of your characters, and that this story revolved around "lore" you'd developed for him. (Not all stories involving another player's PC are necessarily origin stories, after all.) I'm actually not one of those people that automatically assumes an origin story is going to be bad - particularly if it is told in such a way that actually makes the player the central focus of the arc, as yours did (IMO).

Apologies for the delay in my response, too; I honestly didn't even notice this thread had a new post in it until just now. While I consider 'Pro Payne' to still be open (i.e. technically, I'm still taking requests), I've been very busy with a non-AE project in game (for several months now), and so I've been taking the approach of "If anyone posts a request, I'll be happy to do a review; but if there's no interest, I'll let this thread fade into obscurity again and continue my focus on the other project).

It’s pretty clear that my idea for “the Continuing Adventures of Pro Payne” is a flop, but just for old times, why not one final round of Pro Payne while I play through the contenders for this year’s players choice? (And heck, since I’m hoping Players Choice will continue for years to come, perhaps I’ll dust off this thread once per annum whenever Player’s Choice rolls around)

These’ll be mini-reviews – although somewhat longer than what I normally term a ‘mini-review’ (and, again, for old times sake, a few screenies thrown in).

I plan on playing them in the order presented in the voting thread (both category and arc), so it looks like Pro Payne is going to start by pretending to be a villain. So without further ado, it’s time for EVIL Pro Payne…

Best Arc - Villainous or Rogue

Grunty McFisterson's Two Step Guide to Winning Respect #519044 by @Twoflower

So here I am just starting out my villainous career, and ol’ Grunty McFisterson comes up to me and offers to help me make a name for myself. Grunty’s plan: beat the tar out of the leaders of the local gangs of faceless thugs (the Skulls and Hellions, of course). First up is the Hellion leader, St. Elmo’s Fire. I fight through a couple of Hellions, a “bonus” battle with Longbow’s Officer Dusty (who promises I haven’t seen the last of her), and finally to Elmo himself.

Next is Mydnyte Moonchyld – local leader of the Skulls. After all, taking out one gang leader might have been luck. I take out both the Hellion and Skull leaders, and I’m going places (at least according to Grunty).


Your teenage angst makes me just want to beat you down even more.

One badly beaten down goth chick later, and Grunty claims to be done with me. I figure I need just one more big fight to become truly infamous here in Mercy and Port Oakes, so I demand the old man give me one more target to beat down. Grunty fesses up that he wasn’t so much interested in helping my career as to making sure his ingrate kids (Elmo and Moonchyld it turns out) got some sense beat into them. Kind of a way to dissuade them from a life of crime. Me getting famous off the whole thing was a side effect. But since I’m itching for a fight anyway, Grunty’s got one more thing for me to do. Dusty wants to haul me in, and managed to capture Grunty’s kids as bait. I free them and off Dusty and I can add ‘Longbow Hero’ to my list of early-career defeats (again).

So I hightail it to the Longbow base and (as the mission put it) “paint the floors with Longbow blood.” Dusty’s dead, Grunty’s kids have sworn off a life of crime (less competition for me, EVIL Pro Payne), and my name is now spoken in terrified whispers throughout the Isles. Or at least in Mercy. And maybe Port Oaks.

Score: 4.035 (4 stars official, 5 stars in game)

Now we’ll pretend that much time has gone by, and I am now a level 50 supervillain.

Interdimensional Headache #459592 by @Nebulhym

Alright, so some crazy Arachnos doc, who moonlights his own schemes on the side, wants me to investigate some dimension he labels with a bunch of Greek letters (and a few numbers to boot). Alright, fine. Here we go – but only because he promised me “incredible rewards.”

So anyway, crazy Arachnos doc (“Manfred”) has me gate into some weird alien planet where some seriously bad stuff is going down. The populace is being taken over by … something … that is turning them into dangerous savages. I slaughter a few aliens, take a few readings, and hope Manfred is up to the task of telling me what’s going on so I can focus my INCREDIBLE POWER on something more worthwile.

(Note: This is starting out really well … it’s got a really nice creepy feel to it. I’m definitely wanting to see where it goes.)

Manfred tracks down several places where he thinks the assault on the original dimension (the one I just explored) came from. (I just assume they’re other dimensions – so whatever we are dealing with has outposts across multiple dimensions). I gate in to find the place very poorly defended – most of the inhabitants just go about their business and don’t lift a finger to stop my incursion. I defeat some pitiful security, and proceed to download their files on some sort of virus that induces psychotic behavior. Apparently, the first dimension I explored was just a testing ground. Manfred was right. Something this bad *could* be useful to me.

It’s time to teleport into the main production lab and take the virus for myself. There’s a problem, though. Amanda vines and an “assistant” (who turns out to be Manticore in disguise) has already headed in and is threatening the whole plan. Note: The arc overall is great, but this part does seem really contrived…

Since the aliens got a brain scan from Amanda, after defeating their lead scientist (and the elite defense unit he called in)…


Amanda just doesn’t seem very impressed with my display of villainous power.


…I plant a bunch of explosives to blow the lab sky high. Amanda promises to tell the world of my heroic actions (Note: What? The fact that the arc is treating me as a hero is really jarring).

Overall, the arc is really enjoyable, really well done, and does a good job of piquing my interest in a (hinted at) sequel. I did take issue with the “heroic” elements in the last mission (and [b]strongly[b] object to the fact the arc forces you to be ‘redeemed’ as a hero at the end) but it was still a great arc.

Story: 4.91 (5 stars)

Ah good! For the next EVIL adventure, I get to stay level 50.

Arena #456200 by @FredrikSvanberg

Today, it appears that EVIL Pro Payne has been conscripted into the security detail for some gladiatorial games in the Isles. (Note: The setup makes the arc seem “off level” – to be honest, if I’m a level 50 supervillain, I have serious doubts I’d just let myself be forced into this. But with that out in the open, for the rest of the arc I’m quite happy to play along with the premise.) Before the games even start, some idiot kidnaps a bunch of VIPs. Since I’m security, I guess I’d better go rescue them. At least I’ll get to beat people up.

A few dozen savage beatings later, all of the VIPs are rescued, and I’m left feeling like I’ve been exposed to a half dozen inside jokes that I flat out don’t get. But the basic setup is clear: the main combatants are Castle (for the US) and Poshyb (for the Isles).

Next, whomever it was that conscripted me into Arena guard duty seems to want to rig the event so that Castle will win. But he also wants Castle to compromise his principles (i.e. willingly cheat) to do so – perhaps this is all part of a plan to turn Castle into a villain. In any case, while Castle and Poshyb battle it out, I sneak into the Arena to offer Castle some ‘illegal’ help – which he refuses. I need to buy more time, so I defeat both Castle and Poshyb (and make it look like an Arena malfunction) to ensure the match is declared void and a rematch is scheduled.

As Castle and Poshyb head for a meeting to reschedule their match, I am directed to meet with Castle secretly to try to convince him once again to accept “outside aid” to ensure he wins. This time around I learn why: in return for said aid, my ‘handler’ is hoping Castle will help move a very high profile prisoner to a less secure area of the Zig, setting the stage for a potential Arachnos rescue.

This time Castle was more receptive to the offer, and the stage was set to assure his victory in the next match. Before the match began, Arachnos staged an attack on the Zig to give the now-cooperating Castle the pretense to move the prisoner to a less secure part of the Zig (but one that wasn’t under attack). I was directed to go rescue the prisoner. I’d have to fight Castle for show, but then I was to bring him back to the Isles for the match.


Make it look good…

The plan went off without a hitch. Castle was the Rogue Isles’ newest villain, and had been ‘allowed’ to win the arena match and claim the title. He wanted to meet me; he had something to tell me in person. I suspected a trap, but agreed anyway.

Sure enough, Castle was having second thoughts about his decision – his victory in the arena seemed hollow given that he had to cheat to get it. So, in a desperate bid to regain the life he’d given up he needed my (unintentional) help to make it look like his attempt to flee the Isles was being resisted. I thrashed him quite soundly, hoping to just flat-out kill him, but he got away anyway. Only time would tell if his former allies would buy his story about being mind-controlled into defecting.

Note: It started out feeling awfully rough around the edges, but really turned into a pretty good arc – although the end seemed very odd, and the dialog between Castle and Amanda vines seemed to strain belief in places. I almost got the feeling characters were just breaking out into song for no apparent reason – or maybe the dialog was supposed to evoke some sort of epic poem or something. AH! Okay, the souvenir did explain some of the weirdness: the whole arc is kind of an homage to the musical ‘Chess’ (which I’ve never seen and know nothing about).

Score: 4.58 (5 stars)

Thanks for the review of Arena. I have nothing to add, just thought I'd say thanks.

I’ll post my reviews here as I play through the hero arcs. First up is one I’ve played before, but, hey, it gives me a chance to see if (without looking back before I ‘re-score’ it) I’ll give it a similar score (which at least shows my if my BS scores are at least consistent).

Sadly, I completely forgot to take screen shots this time, so … well, sorry about that.

And now on to…

Best Arc - Heroic or Vigilante

Today’s Pro Payne adventure…

Oh yeah ... SPOILERS AHEAD. Should be a 'well-duh' if you read the previous batch, but just wanted to make that clear.

Legacy of a Rogue #459586 by @Night-Girl
(Technically a replay) It starts with Pro Payne agreeing to mentor the son of a late hero (Rogue Falcon) at the request of the former heroine Condor Girl. His first opportunity to show his new “sidekick” the ropes soon arrives: he needs to wrest some dangerous artifacts from the Circle of Thorns. The sidekick – Harrier – proves a bit impulsive and runs on ahead. I rescue him from some Circle goons, retrieve the artifacts, and come across a looter named the Crimson Cricket whom I’m forced to arrest. Oddly, although hostile to me, she has a genial demeanor and seems rather fond of Harrier. I also learn she’s one of Harriers’ father’s old enemies.

The Circle then stage a raid to try to get the artifacts back. Harrier and I rush to the warehouse MAGI had the artifacts stashed to eject the Circle and save Azuria. The mission is a success, but Azuria warns me that she senses something is amiss: Condor Girl (Gertrude is her actual name) has been conflicted recently, and one of the artifacts I’d been sent to recover (The Indecipherable Tome) wasn’t what I thought it was – it was actually just a listing of other artifacts, *including* the real Indecipherable Tome.

Gertrude suspects Harrier found the Tome and is using it to greatly increase his powers. She thinks Hawkmind, the computer in Rogue Falcon’s old lair, could help confirm weather or not Harrier is under the influence of the Tome, but thinks the Crimson Cricket is the only one with the expertise to get past Falcon’s defenses. The police are unwilling to give her “work release” so I’ll need to break her out of the Zig.

As uneasy as breaking a villain out of the Zig makes me, there are bigger things at stake. The mission is a success, and, affiable as ever, Cricket agrees to turn herself in when this is all over – she seems genuinely worried that Harrier is in trouble and is eager to help. So the next step is to get into Falcon’s lair, and access Hawkmind.

After taking out what had to have been a few million dollars worth of advanced robots, I managed to access Hawkmind (Cricket made a valiant attempt to help, but ambushes on top of abandoned lab ‘rooms of death’ were too much for her … even with a self-rez). Note: The custom group really needs to be toned down. I love the design, but they debuff resistance, defense, have multiple ways of debuffing recharge, and can heal each other. Geez. My general rule of thumb for difficulty is (1) If Rise of the Pheonix isn’t back yet by the time I die again or (2) I can’t clear one death’s worth of debt before the next, then I’m dying to quickly, and the difficulty should probably be toned down.

Using Hawkmind, Gertrude helps me pin down where Harrier has gone – it’s actually a cavern below the tunnels where we found the original artifacts. I fight through waves of Circle of Thorns to get to Cricket, and together we face off against what Harrier has become – the Tome was actually a way for a demon to possess his soul and bring unspeakable evils into the world. By the time I find Harrier, all I can do is save his soul – destroying the demon requires me to kill Harrier’s body in the process. It is with his death that I learn what I’d already started to suspect – Cricket was Harrier’s mother: in spite of their ‘professional’ differences, Cricket and Falcon had been lovers. In fact, she’d tried to go straight and had only returned to her criminal ways when faced the practical (financial) realities of raising Harrier alone.
Note: As with the first time around, great story, and a very well done arc. Some may complain about a hero breaking a villain out of the Zig, but I thought that was as well done as it could be, and didn’t have a problem with it. My only real issue was that mission into Falcon’s lair – those customs really just need to be toned down. They look great, but given the realities of how things spawn in lab maps they just plain need a rebalancing pass.

Score: 5.125 (5 stars) – Lower than my first review (although only by a small margin, but I think I’ve got more stingy with how I grade.) Still, 5 stars is 5 stars.

I know it's a lot of work hashing these up, but for what it's worth, I always get a little excited from seeing this thread pop back up to the top of the forum, and it never dissapoints.

Your involved, humourous, and personal review style make for entertaining reading, so thankyou very much.

Thanks Teeto-K! Kind words are pretty much the only reward you get for doing this kind of thing, so know they are much appreciated.

And now, onward to today’s Pro Payne Adventure, as I continue to play through the candidates for Best Heroic Arc.

The Ouroboros Chronicles: the Tales of Nemesis #522236 by @Neon Rider

Today’s adventure begins when Pro Payne is contacted by Mender Silos. It appears he is in a mood for some “hands on” teaching – in a bid to impress on me the threat Nemesis presents, he wishes to send me back to Brass Monday. I am to help the Freedom Phalanx push back the Nemesis army. It sounds like an interesting assignment, so off I go…

Indeed, I find myself in the midst of the 1930s attack. I battle through a horde of automatons, rescuing members of the (1930s) Freedom Phalanx along the way. Eventually, I come face to face with Nemesis himself – and (evidently) go down in history as the hero who actually brought him to justice. Assuming it really was him.

Note: The descriptions and costumes of the 1930s Phalanx, and the “primitive” automatons in the Nemesis army were really neat, as was the depiction of Nemesis himself. *Not* a fan at all of chained objectives on a large outdoor map. That Nemesis had to “spawn in” after I’d rescued the Phalanx can’t really be avoided, but forcing Statesman to be the last Phalanx member to be rescued (or even just chaining him to Maiden Justice, which might have been what happened) really didn’t add to the story, and just led to more annoying backtracking.

Next, Silos wanted to send me back to the Nemesis Gas Attack after WWII. My task: aid Sister Psyche in recovering the cure. (Note: The mission briefing labeled it as “Part One”, even though this was actually the second mission). I found Sister Psyche fending off Nemesis troops, and then escorted her to the antidote. Nemesis (or rather a double of Nemesis) attempted to stop me on the way out, but I prevailed.


Aww *dang*! Now I have to stare at him and twiddle my fingers while I wait for his ‘You can’t touch this’ bubble to go away.

Note: In Nemesis’ dialog, he refers to Psyche as though she was there. Problem is she wasn’t following me any more. Oddly, he did spawn off in some side room attached to that big main room near the entrance. I suspect that was just bad luck, but you may want to check that he’s set to be a “front” spawn, just in case. Also, I did notice that the “Part Three” briefing subheader wasn’t highlighted (which was different from Parts one and two).

Suspecting that my journeys to the past hasn’t fully convinced me of the threat Nemesis represents, Silos now sent me to my future. He explained that I was to witness a time where Nemesis had unleashed a plot that would cause untold destruction and lead to his victory. Of course, by scouring the ruins for clues, I would learn how Nemesis “won” and would therefore be prepared to stop him when the time came.

I found Atlas Park ruined, and crawling with patrols from Nemesis’ future army. I scoured the map, looking for any survivors. With each I found, I also learned more of what happened to bring about this future: Nemesis had constructed a powerful atomic ‘disintegrator’ that he used to vaporize most of the city’s heroes. Of course, now that I knew what I did, I could stop him when the time came. (Note: Once again, we’ve got chained objectives on a large outdoor map … yech. Even with the XP hit, the “Fake Nemesis ambush” during the fight with Nemesis was pretty amusing.)

And Silos meant for that time to be now. He would now send me into that same future (just not as *far* into that future), at the moment Nemesis perfected his weapon. I was to destroy the elements of the weapon, and take Nemesis down. (Note: Silos’ explanation of what was going on was actually pretty neat.)

While I had already found a note from the letter-writer in a previous mission, the writer saw fit to leave several notes for me in Nemesis “future lab” – he spelled out what I already knew: that Mender Silos was Lord Nemesis. Or at least a future version of him. (Although, to be fair, Pro Payne probably didn’t know that.) I proceeded to destroy Nemesis’ weapon, and then take down the (new and improved) Prussian Prince of Automatons. Upon my return, Silos confirmed he was Nemesis – and the reason he had (in the future) turned away from his evil ways: after discovering time travel, he’d been able to see first hand the kind of destruction his endless plots would invariably lead to.

Note: The arc felt a little rough around the edges, but was very good overall. I would have liked to see more (and more varied) customs fleshing out Nemesis’ future armies, but that’s just a personal preference (and a nitpick). And, as mentioned before, I really think there’s got to be a better way to advance the story than using chained objectives on large outdoor maps. But a solid effort overall.

Score: 3.943 (4 stars)

Today’s adventure will be the head trip that is…

When The Words Stop #494099 by @Clave_Dark_5

…and I mean that with affection, not malice. Since I’m short on time today, and I’ve got a *far* more detailed review of the arc earlier in this very thread (with screenshots), I’m going to keep to pretty short and omit a screenshot. I will say that if there is any one arc I suspect might score very differently from one play to the next, it’s this one – I remember the first time around having some trouble trying to decide exactly how to score it. So here we go:

It starts with an odd book I find in a Circle of Thorns lair, a book penned by one Emily Yikes. It is an account of her attempt to write a magical tome called “The Book of No Return.” First, she journeys to Cap to dismantle the ‘Haunted Robots’ looking for the eBook of Ghost Writing. I relive the experience through her eyes (although, this time around I find it right next to were I arrived – I actually stayed in the mission to destroy other parts of the haunted machine just for effect). Note: Hmm … the writing itself seems a lot clearer this time around; it actually feels easier to follow the story. I don’t know if its because it’s the second play through, or if the author made some modifications to make things easier to grasp.

Next up was taking the Clay Tablets of Bismuth from the Earth Devouring Earth. Although distorted by having to ‘relive’ this part of the story through Emily’s eyes, I got the distinct impression that I was graverobbing (perhaps for inspiration – or insight into death), saw something upsetting (or revolting) and took some Pepto to settle my stomach. Either way, I (or rather Emily) got whatever she needed from the experience, and was now ready to actually write the Book of No Return.

Emily started writing the book, but as she progressed it was as though the book was writing itself. It was now time for me to go to the library and retrieve the book. (Note: I remember last time that it was here that for me what exactly was going on got murky to the point that it interfered with the story – but let’s see what the library holds).

The Library itself evokes the mental image of the Thorns’ library of souls, but something tells me that’s not really it. It feels more like a “Library of Death” – some sort of otherworldly place where “everybody’s story” is catalogued based on how they died. The task is simple: find the “stack of books” sorted under the way Emily died – her Book of No Return will be there, since the Book *is* her story (she describes it as a book where you have to read the pages in order and once you’ve read a page, you can’t go back – this time around its very clear that’s just a metaphor for life itself).

You do learn a few things about Emily in the process: she was only 24 when she died. Her death was accidental. She’s been exposed to murder, but was not murdered herself. Her soul (or perhaps some part of her consciousness separate from her soul) survived her death – but unlike the “typical” story where the soul goes on to its final reward, Emily’s soul is unable to move on. In fact, I strongly suspect it is tied to her book, and Emily would very much like to return to the world of the living.

I’m still not sure if this part is supposed to be how the Circle of Thorns actually got the book in the first place, or if it is something else.

And now it was time for the final chapter of Emily’s book. Like the memories most people have of their own lives, there is a tendency to forget about (or, more specifically, not want to think about or dwell on) the lowest moments. Emily had done that: the missing pages in the book of her life were the horrific things that had happened to her (or that she’d done herself) – but now they could no longer be hidden.

I found myself in the area where Emily grew up – but the place was crawling with the “deletions” from her book. It was time to face these horrors, and the master of all of them was the “King of All Monsters.”

The King was (I believe) Emily’s grandfather, who’d abused her. When she could take no more, she murdered him – locking him in a barn as she set it on fire. She was arrested and the police took her away.

Emily died shortly after (or did she? Maybe she was in jail for a long time) – but was embittered at how crappy her lot in life had been. In a sense, I suspect her restless soul wanted a “do-over” – a chance to live the life she thought she deserved, versus the one she actually got.

The last question, of course, was how exactly she died. It does make me wonder if the end is the beginning – if she escaped from prison after murdering her grandfather, fled to the Rogue Isles, and was killed there (possibly by Clockwork in Cap). Still, she insisted her death was accidental, so who knows.

In any case, Emily’s story was over.

Note: Still a very memorable and unique arc.

Score: 5.00 (5 stars; I *suspected* the score might end of higher since with a second play through I was having an easier time understanding what was going on, so ‘story’ most likely scored higher.)