New Critique Thread

Heh. Actually no. There's a chain of restaurants called "The Pub" that I frequent, and I love the fried pickles there . And the Young's Double Chocolate Stout....

This actually happened to a friend of mine. Got his tie caught in a paper shredder. Managed to work it in.

YES! Someone got it! Or at least mentioned that they got it .

Bwahaha. Gotta love it. I had trouble balancing that fight. My namesake Blaster got pounded while my Rad/Son Defender steamrolled, for instance. My hope was for player success with at least one YIKES moment.

Thanx again, and glad you enjoyed.

Toon Selection: Let's see... Magic based storyline needs a magic based toon. So onto my lvl 50 fire/ energy blaster Detective Brimstone.

Onto the spoilers: (Might want to scroll past the lines now)
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Mission one: I'm off to Croatoa where the Circle is trying to make a pact with Eochai. I'm not sure why they picked doing it by Jack in Iron's throne.... I mean, there are safer places you know? After dispensing with the Fir Bolgs I come across Sicarius who is talking about making slaves, having the hawks destroy the barriers, and betraying the betrayers. This seems a little much to just dump out there IMO. But a Beating later and I move onto...

Mission two: Off I go to destroy the barriers and.... wait. What? I reread the text and scratch my head. Ok, so we don't put two and two together here? The CoT want the barriers destroyed but yet we're going to destroy them. You'd think this aaron guy would question this.

So off I go to help the circle.. er, to "Close the mysterious rifts" in my smash first, analyze later mission and I come across some possessed Midnighters who instantly attack me. (No explanation on why the circle decided to possess them unfortunately.) I free the ally and then get attacked my more CoT. After frying some weeds, I move onto the final room where Derek's brother Garik is waiting for me. And man does he hit hard.... Good thing I have a dispensable shield..er, ALLY to take some hits. Heh.

That is until Gerik takes off flying to chase me and his brother is left in the dust. (Must have had different fathers since Derek walked everywhere) but he tells me that Derek is playing me for a fool and even Derek backs this up by informing me that he is with the hawks even before we meet his brother. I have one barrier left and I end up destroying it anyway because.... well, to see what would happen next. (Side note: Might want to have Gerik spawn AFTER the barriers have been completed)

Mission three: So after helping the circle take over the world, I went off to... The infirmary? Geez, what about Disney world? Ah well. So the Possessed Midnighters are being taken to the Zig and I'm off to break out Garik and beat up my ex-shield (Told you he was dispensable) Gerik broke himself out and left me alone to fight his brother. Brutal fight but I won. (Archmage Accolade FTW!) Before he "Dies" or whatever turned him into a skeletal mess, he hands me the keys I've been sent to find after Eochai tries to invade his mind.

Mission four: So now we have to rebuild the barriers I tore down when I was fighting what I was to perceived to be the Circle. My ally was knocked out in the beginning and just lied there injured. No big deal, I zip through the mish grabbing blinkies and searching for anyone to talk about anything else. Nope... Well, I fixed the barriers so now life is good right?

Mission five: Ugh... what do you mean that there were other teams establishing barriers elsewhere? I thought only I was destroying them? ok, so our new plan is to head into Oranbega and beat up there mage channeling the power while cutting off their access to the well of secrets. Allies not only help by fighting but also showing me what room the blinkies are in. (Which they are much better guides than warriors as it takes me a few minutes to beat down the first mage.)

Ending with me fixing my big bad and stranding two of the Un'See'lei's in my world. I go off for a beer (Which is the best MA reward yet) and life continues to normal.

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Final Review:

Originality: 3- Fairy stories using the seelies are rather rare. Before heading in, I was remembering all those white wolf games I played and while we had the ability to use fairies, we never did because there wasn't much use for them. To see them in the spotlight for a mission was rather different. However the overall plot really wasn't.

Story: 2- Yeah, I had some trouble following both in following the story and in it's implementation. Not to mention the constant arrival of customs really weren't helping. While the dialog was nice to read, it didn't help much when the missions came out.

Mission Layout: 4- In the final mission with the appearance of my allies was a cool feature. The only thing keeping this from a five was the meeting spot in the first map. It's just ackward at best as there are other maps that would have worked better.

Completion: 3- The Ally-less fight on the third mission might be problematic. Especially since the guy's main attack is full of KB. I had acrobatics to my advantage but KB protection might be a requirement to finish it.

Overall: 12 (Which is a C+ rank) Where the Text was nice, the first mission really hurt by just putting too much out there right off the bat. It wasn't much to make the leaps of logic needed to spoil the story and, ultimately, the enjoyment of the arc. I don't see me recommending this arc out though until it goes through some alterations.

Toon Choice: Hmmm.. I don't have many toons that will fit this but since there is a lot of warnings on this arc I'll follow my "Can't go wrong with a scrapper" Philosophy and bring out Vixen Foxfire, my lvl 50 MA/fire scrapper

Time to skip the spoilers:
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Mission one: The beginning dialog kinda freaks me out a bit because Crimson talks like he's just given up on everything. Real morbid. His request is simple: Kidnap Naylor. Ok, I can see how that fits into the "Do evil to do good" deal... sorta... I mean, he's a bad guy contact so there is some good in this. Not sure if bringing him in for questioning is evil but I go through the arachnos with no problem. It's a clear all and apparently I'm "Killing" them. Wow... Heroes do a lot for Crimson on a simple request. I "Pretend" kill them in my mind and haul them off to jail. After all, I'm a hero.

Mission two: Crimson goes to talk to Naylor while he sends me after a bomb because he needs one that isn't traceable. I guess his secret agent clearance doesn't cover major explosives. The opening text is "Sneak in or beat up everything" I smile. I'm a scrapper.... I'm beating up the first baddie before I even read the text. I grab the bomb and book to mission three.

Mission three: I'm off to crash a party and kill the guests... Wait, what? More killing? WTH. Crimson has got a real hard on for dead bodies as of late. It gets harder to "Pretend" as text of them choking on their own blood is dominant. And I'm using this excessive and deadly force as a distraction? I wonder what "Greater good" I'm doing by filling the graveyards in Paragon City but I trudge on.

Mission four: Now I'm being sent off to infect an arachnos computer with a virus to delete the information because Lord Recluse hasn't considered back up disks or advanced anti virus software. I smile as I think of Lord Recluses lap top going blank as he's downloading spider porn as I drop off the package. After all this, I'm dying to see what I am actually accomplishing.

Mission five: And the greater good is.... Blowing up the most advanced technological breakthroughs in all the world! What? I picture Crimson's eyes being taken over by madness as he describes his plan to kill 100s of lives, strand countless soldiers in alternate hostile dimensions, and basically leave us defenseless against the praetorians. You're kidding right Crimson? Guess not. I go through the mission thinking about all the others who are in the shadow shard.... Not just the soldiers but the Crey and the Nemesis. What stops them from still using this tech again? I feel slightly relieved that I get to save Uani and Tina but then they turn on me. I ditch them but the point is lost to me as the ending finds them both dead. Crimson continues on his thrill ride through psycho land and I leave as my toon needs a shower to wipe away all that blood on her hands to cripple the world.

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Final Review:

Originality: 1- I am struggling here as I want to rate it based on the potential it has should the whole "Doing evil for good" but it is what it is. The story isn't all too original. Some psycho who knows what's best for the world and instead just about destroys it. The surprise ending gets it the point as I didn't see it coming but then again, I'm not that surprised I didn't see it coming at all.

Story: 1- I can't see any hero doing these acts without stopping and looking at Crimson as a complete madman. Seriously, did Crimson just snap or what? While the dialog is pretty well thought out, there is no explanation on why he's decided to do this nor any clues to advance the story. Also, a couple of typos with mantis and crimson's dialog really were just icing on the cake.

Mission layout: 4: Everything was where it should be and the maps kept it a bit diverse. However the last map seemed to lack anything that made it feel like a major building was being assaulted. No security, hostages, Heroes to the rescue.... nothing. Hence the four.

Completion: 1- Way too many bosses and no allies. Plus there was no getting around fighting them. The warnings in the beginning are well justified,

Final Score: 7 (which is a D grade.) Just a bad bad concept. I don't blame him for struggling with this challenge as it was rather hard. As such and the challenge is over, I suggest rethinking the arc and perhaps changing it up a bit to make it more Heroic and less of a gore fest. I'm good for offering ideas should you want some help. And with that I'm outta here.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!!!

I think what I was shooting for here was the thought that, if in the course of a different mission, you had the chance to take out Josef Mengele, a top terrorist weapons maker or someone else of that ilk would you feel it served the greater good. Von Grun has a well established desire to "rule the world" and experiments on the DE to create a weapon in an attempt to reach that goal. Aeon is equally power hungry but far more discrete. Not to mention he has trapped a demon to power his evil plans. Creed experiments on the infected in Mercy. These are people not plants or an imprisoned demon. He may actually be the worst of the bunch. So yes, Crimson "has a real hard on" for getting rid of these guys.

The taking of the actual men is meant to give Arachnos multiple secondary targets to worry about. That is the distraction. If you simply went after Grillo, they would likely target all their extra security to his most sensitive work. Now they must protect all the projects these men were working on, making your next objective easier.

The structure of the mission as well as Unai and Tina's dialogue is meant to suggest that they are determined to stay and fight to protect Portal Corp. So, if you chose not to dispatch them yourself then they are still in the building, fighting the good fight, when it blows up.

Since we have yet to learn exactly how our world will interact with the Preatorian world once Going Rogue comes out, I am unsure exactly what we will be "defenseless" against. Looking at the state of our world (in game) I might be more worried about us going there if I was a Preatorian. That isn't the real issue here.

What Crimson is really concerned about is not the threats we already know. The Rikti, Nemesis, Preatorians, etc. that you point out can still use portal tech. He considers them the threats at hand. The ones Paragon and the world seem to basically be at a stalemate with. Given a few more missions I would have liked to address that but we are a little limited in how much ground we can cover in one arc.

What really has him worried and what is driving his actions is the threats that are still out there. What will these Portal Corp people unlock next as they cavalierly hop from dimension to dimension? That is what Crimson is trying to prevent. The next "Rikti War" against an as yet unseen enemy. If that means the sacrifice of those stationed on the other side to save all those that remain on Primal Earth, is that the greater good? Given the cost of the Rikti Invasion, I think that is a legitimate concern.

It may be the most advanced technological breakthrough in the world but it may also be the single greatest threat to the future of the world as well.



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Agreed, the story may not be original, but I still think the idea behind the threat of portal tech is a sound one.

Perhaps, since the contest is over, I need to change my discription for the arc to include a disclaimer. It appears the arc is a bit to dark for many heroes and I understand completely that not everyone wants their character turned into the punisher. Part of the problme may be that I play the majority of my time red side and even my heroes tend to be a bit more vigilante. In fact, now that I think about it, all my favorable feedback has come from people I know that play mostly red side. I am sensing a trend.

I also thought Crimson explained his reasoning rather clearly but I think by the time I get around to it most hero players are already in the "this is just crazy" frame of mind and simply do not want to hear it.

Crimson states that he has disabled the police band and set up a distaction to give a window to work in. So you are basically the first "hero" on the scene. Perhaps if I added a timer it would lend the feeling of urgency. I could add a few hostages that just run off I suppose but they really can't see you doing any of the work to take down Portal Corp.

I struggled with adding a fight between Arachnos and security on the first floor but with Unai already on that floor it would complicate things if you were fighting Unai and ran past a group of security that just just stood there and watched you fight their boss. Placing them in the second or third floor means they stand around and watch you place the explosives and do nothing. I could try the last floor. I assumed if they were in proximity to the big names they would be dead before you ever got there and you have the same problem with Tina as you do with Unai. Any security in the building would need the ability to turn on you as well as fight the attacking Arachnos. Making them Rogue means they attack you before you do anything that calls for them to attack you. In the end I decided that the mechanics available did not support the behavior needed for what the charatcer was doing in the mish.

First, there are very few bosses that are required to be fought. Sands, Black Scorpion, and Mantis are all not required for mission completes. Granted, Mantis can be hard to avoid but the others can be by passed. Aeon is the other tough fight but he is just making it look good and once he does that he bails (runs off at half HP). I thought I made the dialogue and the objective listings reflect that but if you have a suggestion to make that more clear I am all ears. As far as allies go, I bounced around placing Crimson in the last mission but the story really reflects him as keeping his hands clean on this one because it may just be the start of what he is up to. Anyone else would have been just a throw in. This is sort of designed as a covert ops type arc, hence not a lot of extra players involved.

Again, perhaps I should change the arc discription to include "for the darker hero and their like minded friends" or something along that line.

Again, I really appreciate the time you took and any suggestions are great. I think there was a wide spectrum of takes on the challenge. As I said earlier, I play mostly red side, so for me some of the entries just simply did not go far enough. The "evil" they asked of the player was dipping their toe in to test the waters. I guess I went to the other extreme. I still say the potential threat from portal tech is not a "bad concept" and Crimson wanting to eliminate that threat could result in the greater good for the people of Paragon.

No he hasn't. Bat'Zul had already been imprisoned in Mount Diable a couple centuries earlier by Father Henri. Aeon only discovered him when drilling for geothermal energy and discovered that the demon was the reason that the mountain had much more heat in it than there should have been for an extinct volcano. He kept the whole thing a secret because Lord Recluse would kill him if he failed to provide a power source for the island; Aeon is already technically a dead man anyway since Recluse went to the trouble of executing someone else in Dr. Egon's place to allow him to stay alive as Dr. Aeon but as his servant. This much was pretty well spelled out for you if you ran Marshal Brass's arcs and did the Virgil Tarikoss SF.

I can see where you're going with here. The "Attacking everyone to spread their forces thin" is a good strategy. However, it feels as if you're all alone in this mission. Yes, Crimson is directing you but attacking a group of super villains, all of which very well known, leads more into the psychotic side of things. I could see maybe troop support or Indigo's help. If you wanted to keep that mission. Hell, maybe they could set it up where Grillo was killed in what seemed to be an accident. Or, for that matter, why not just blow the building up? Also, yes, I can see how this would be something Punisher would do.... However no one said Punisher was completely sane to begin with. Hence, the "This is nuts" knee jerk reaction.





Okay, I can see your way of looking at it. However, let's say Tyrant came into our world and kidnapped Statesman and took him back to Praetoria. (Similar if not the same as the "A Hero's hero" arc) How could you save him? Just because you crippled your world's ability to use portals doesn't mean those other worlds have the same handicap.

Yes, there is always that "Next big threat" but intelligence of your enemy is always your greatest weapon. Without those portals, you cut off your supply of that intelligence. Even Punisher would scope out his enemy before trying to kill him. And as far as baddies goes, I think Tyrant would rate up there pretty high. He's already conquered Paragon City in his reality...something that Lord Recluse has yet to do in this one. (And Recluse's Victory doesn't count as it has yet to happen.)



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Agreed that this arc has potential. Which is what I said in my review in the "I can only rate it for what it is" part. I in no way meant to make you feel like this arc was crap. It was more in the direction of this could be soooo much better. It feels rushed as you were on that time limit for the contest. Now you're not. I'd go back over it and fine tune some parts of it to either A) Make it more Hero'ish or B) Drop the hero stuff altogether. Again, if you like, I can toss you some suggestions in a PM.

(P.S. When the in arc text is something like "What? I kidnapped and murdered for you already and you want me to do this...." Then even your character is thinking in his/her head "This guy's a psychopath". Kinda foreshadows anything Crimson could say afterward.)



I didn't miss that part with Crimson but I read it as he was keeping the police busy. But a full scale invasion by Black Scorpion and the Arachnos should warrant some sort of response. This isn't like some bank robbery. This is billions of dollars of equipment that can reach hostile worlds and cause numerous deaths if not in check. Guards wouldn't be a bad touch or some hero intervention. I did have some thoughts on this but I would say them here.

You can't make them betray you like Unai does? Also, you could try setting them in a sequential order. (Find the allies, use them to help cover you to get to the security camera's, betray you, plant bomb, Unai's arrival not seeing security helps/ atttacks you, etc....) I'd have to play with it a bit to see but I'm sure with a little testing you might be able to find something that works.



The list had it so you have to kill everyone on the list. While you can have the others in the arc, is it really necessary to have to kill all of them? I can see a controller having a tough go with this. I made a few suggestions up top about his mission.

I did want to say something here about "Being Evil". Being evil doesn't necessarily mean being ruthless. Doctor Doom just doesn't build a bomb to destroy New York just because he has the evil intention to kill Reed Richards. While he could do that, he has nothing against the people who live in New York. Plus it would cause a war with his homeland and America costing his people their lives at the same time. Despite his Evil intention, Doctor Doom is not about slaughtering people for the sheer hell of it.

This is what weakened your arc for me. There is no second thoughts for the "Hero". You follow Crimson's orders and the little you do question him, you still carry out the plans to a fault. There is no hesitation and there is no remorse. No feelings whatsoever. Even in that 9-11 tribute Marvel did for the WTC victims had Doctor Doom and Kingpin feeling sorry for the innocents lost for no reason whatsoever. And that is where the hero crosses the line and it no longer becomes about doing good but in achieving a goal. A goal which may not even yield the intended result as 100 things could go wrong.

Lots of potential..... now the challenge is making the arc live up to it.

Note: Due to only playing one arc per creator, I only played the first half of this story. As such, the review does not cover the second half.

Toon Choice: Player's choice award but extreme level baddies...While this might be a shy away to something big and resistant, I stick to my gut feeling and play my level 50 Fire/kin Freedom Forged. After all, he is an ex fire fighter and who is more unsung than that?

Skip the spoilers? Scroll down to the final review.
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Mission one: My contact for this mission is the human torch and...er, sorry. Lazon who looks like the human torch and I think I can see a 4 through the flames.... >Shakes head< anyway so he sends me off into the sewers to help his team destroy a group of bombs planted in the sewer system and defeat the leader. I come across the Sentry and... er... Sorry, Captain Superior and he decides he is going to hang back and "cover me" so to speak. (Paraphrasing) I go in and make crispies out of the leader. Then I come across Bad Boy Billy (Wow.... freedom must really be hurting for not taken hero names) who wants to help but since I found him too late, sucks to be him.

Mission two: Torchie sends me to...er, Lazon, I mean, sends me to gather some encrypted evidence using some of the tech we found in the sewers. He sends two heroes there as well to cover me while I gather it. In I go and on the FIRST blinkie I touch, I got the data and now I get to... uh? I have to save the heroes too? Great. I have to save the Calvary. I save them with one telling me he'll help me get the data while the other plans on staying put and "Covering me" (She must have been Sentry's... er, Captain Superior's girlfriend.)

Mission three: What's that Tor... Lazon? A vanguard base is under attack and they have taken one of our scientists hostage? I race to the base to gather up the data and save the scientist (Whose name is completely escaping me at the moment.....) and she disappears. I wonder why there were no leftover Vanguard or allies in this one as I thought for sure there would be.... Not that I needed them but still.

Mission four: What's that? I leave the Solous base for ten lousy minutes and the kids are having a party and invited a whole Ritki army with them! I fly back to the base to save whoever I can (Which is two heroes and Commissioner Gordon who is visiting paragon on vacation. This must be the training facilities when Batman needs a new sidekick....) I will note in the beginning of this mish, I got up for a quick minute and came back dead. Ok, one for the Ritki.

With Gordon blazing beside me, we clear down to the final room where a Ritki heavy is waiting for me. I accidentally turn into the room too quickly and get flash fried before I know what it is I'm fighting. It's a Ritki heavy boss. (Again, loss of memory on the name. Usually I go through my souvenir for these things but it's too short to have any real useful info) Two for the Ritki. I come back and grab Commissioner G to go in with me guns blazing....for the 30 seconds it take the heavy to roast his ***. I siphon the end off the heavy while it plays target practice with my imps and take it out. Poor fried Commissioner *******....

Mission five: Oh, fighting's not done. Woot! This is getting exciting and Torchie's with me. (Hey, I like torchie over Lazon, sorry.) Up the destroyed burning building we go and man I'm glad I chose this toon. I fry Ritki bodies all the way down. Gordon is blowing them away. I come up to Torchie who has appearently spent too much of his energy and flies out the window to save us from his explosion. Ok, one out of two isn't bad. Especially as the one got flash fried by the mech last mish.

Down the corridor we go and if not for the dialog, I would have ran into Hro'dtohz. (The main baddie) I sipon pull him and start beating on him. About a quarter of the way through, he preys on my weakness by.....running away???? WTH?? Someone should tell this guy that running from a controller half your size is embarrass... >He turns around and cuts me down< ....... You didn't have to tell him right this second Gordon!!!! You could have waited til he was unconscious. Ugh... that's three for the Ritki.

I return and besides the Commissioner not realizing I was pulling and ducking behind the wall with me and my imps, things went much better. After Hro cut down the commissioner (/e facepalm moment... Dude, your not Batman. You're not even a trusty sidekick.) I lock him and set myself up in the fire kin sweet spot til my imps toast his ***....

....And that's when the Sentry arrives back. Seriously? Where were you? Mars? I chase Torchie a bit more before I leave.

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Final Review:

Originality: 4- It's a war story about fighting the helpless fight and saving those who you can. Fighting in the trenches with the lower heroes was different but being we were all lvl 50ish, I really wasn't fighting with rookies now was I? Hence the four over the five.

Story: 5- I can however give it high marks for a story I got immersed in and even though I made the Marvel/ DC references, I had a lot of fun. It felt like a losing fight. I was collecting dog tags for crying out loud.

Mission Layout: 4- The maps were good (The last one rocked) but getting the allies AFTER the fact kinda sucked. The blinkie right at the beginning was also a buzz kill. Still the allies I didn't run across first when I could have however you might want to make the blinkie appear after I save one of the heroes for cover.

Completion: 4- The last battles were rather high end. Yes, I completed them as a controller but a fire kin is a cream of the crop AT. As another troller, I don't think I could have beaten the fourth mission.

Final Review: 17 points (A-) It was fun as Hell. I made me feel as my character was in that war. While I won't review the second half right now as there are others still waiting, I have bookmarked it for a return as I do want to see how the story plays out. Nice work!

Mrs. Spoon here posting from my husband's account. Heh, thank you for reviewing it - I was not expecting you too after playing his mission. And no Mr. Spoon is not in the dog house for his arc scoring better than mine .

Mr. Spoon's arc is fun and light-hearted.

Mine is something akin to a onion having many layers that are peeled away - 5 missions make it very condensed work such that it can cause the eyes to blur from hits of information Mine is just not a 'fun arc". Instead it is like some the dark and heavy episodes of the new Battlestar Galactica (no there is no references in the arc at all - just making a short and to the point example that it is more human drama driven). Perhaps I am 'cooking up' to many onions in the frying pan with my arc

I am beginning to think that the story would do better in another format other than the game system where it now stands (and no, I am not going to put it out in any other format as that I have too many other projects to attend to). Hmmm, maybe it would be better with it being 7 missions just to spread the information out a bit. Alas, the AE set-up does not allow that.

Still, as it is now it is out there for any who do wish to venture forth and experience an origin story for the Unseele Court (those black spirits that hang around Eochai at Halloween)

Just three things:

1) Mr. Spoon posted the very old description of the story it should have read:

Thrust into a mystery where betrayal and deceit greet you at every turn. The fate of two worlds rest in your hands. Will you be the hero the Midnighter's and Un'se'lie need or a pawn in a Circle of Thorns game? --contains possible Unseele Court origin. **EB in last mission.

2) Ha! Well at least Aaron bought you some good beer and dinner as reward .

3) Thank you very much for taking the time to review it. I *DO* appreciate your critique. I may make a modification or two - but I am going to have to mull it over as that one change in the storyweb will call for other changes.