Aisy's Happy, Squishy Review Corner

Review queue is currently closed!

(Thanks to Police Woman for the original idea, and letting me copy her general method.)

Here's the run down:

1) I'm going to list three arcs here, 2 by my girlfriend, and 1 by myself.

2) You don't have to play them in order to get a review, but it is preferred, and people who do, will get priority. Likewise, people who play her arcs will get priority over those who play mine. Likewise, people who review ours will get priority over even those, so if you see a review of an arc that wasn't in the queue, that's what happened. I would love to get her arcs some plays. When you play one, leave a note as feedback explaining you played it, and that this is for the "Play and Review" thread. Again, make sure to mention here that you left that note, and the ID of the arc you want me to review. Also, might want to mention how tough it is and the level range, so I know what kind of character to take.

3) You must tell me whether I can use spoilers or not, and how .. spoileriffic I can get. I can be vague, or I can explain the entire arc. It's your call.

4) If you have more than one arc you want reviewed, then that is fine and dandy, but I would definitely prefer that you play at least a couple of ours if you do ask this.

How and why I rate:

Reviews will be fairly in depth, and I will try to be as fair as I possibly can. I am not here to be a jerk about things. If I feel it's lacking in some area, I may give suggestions on ways I believe it can be improved, but I will not presume my word is law, or that I am interpreting your intentions correctly.

I will probably not seem as overly critical as some other reviewers (no offense intended, and no finger pointing and saying it's bad or anything, just fact).

When I rate your arc, I will only rate it in game if I feel it is a 4 or a 5. I don't rate lower, so if I think it is a 1, 2, or 3, I will say here but won't rate in game. I don't like rating low, it just doesn't feel good. I won't do it even if I despise your arc. I think everyone can improve, and constructive criticism is important for us to grow as writers. Even if I think your arc is downright bad, I will not bomb your rating, but I will give my opinions on how it can be improved. As said above though, I will never treat my word as law.

The main thing I rate is FUN. If I had fun, you win. If I didn't have fun, then I will point out how and why. Fun might seem extremely subjective, and maybe it is, but a lot of factors go into what makes something fun for me.

First, story. Was I able to even follow it? Did it make any sense at all? Did the characters interest and engage me? Was there a sense of rising action and escalation. Did the missions seem intimately connected in a narrative?

Were the enemies interesting to fight, not too hard, but not pushovers? Enemy balance has a lot to do what what people in general consider fun. Most people do not think fighting Malta on a team of eight is fun, why? Because a challenge is nice, but damned near impossible is not. Enemies possessing interesting powers, descriptions, and costumes can make or break the combat aspect of an arc.

Objectives. How well were they handled? If you're using chained objectives, is it a nightmare, or is it elegant? Do the objectives make sense with what's on the nav bar? As in, "Obtain the MacGuffin".. and you have to kill an enemy to get it, but are given no hint as to the fact the enemy is there, or that he has it, so you end up looking around for a glowie instead.. I did that once. I fixed it.

I also strongly consider potential in my rating. Most reviewers would not do that. They rate as is. If I see potential here, as in, room for improvement.. and I think it's wasted? Expect a crap score. If I think that potential can be harnessed by the author (I usually correspond with authors I review), and feel they have a genuine drive to improve it, then their score will get a bump, and I will come back and play later after the improvements are made and re-rate again if they want me to.

Lastly.. if you touch me emotionally, expect a very high score.

Well, that's about it.

I will have time to play one, maybe two a day. I will be able to do this 4 days of the week, probably.

I will keep a queue updated in this post. If I feel it gets too long, I will put in big red letters that it is paused for the moment, but I will try and do them in a quick enough manner that that won't be necessary (assuming this thread gets any attention, which it probably won't because I'm invisible!).

Queue:

REMEMBER! I must have clear intent seeking a review here, as well as your global in the game in order for you to get priority. I'm only getting global names from my girlfriend, so if there is a global there, that isn't also here, I will write it down, but won't review anything without knowing it whether the person simply played, or is seeking a review, and I will only know they are seeking a review by being told here. Remember to leave your global names in this thread too!

Also, parts of this queue are from PMs, but I would prefer, again, that you post here so other people in the queue know what's going on, thank you

I was stupid and didn't keep track of who did what well enough so.. here's the rundown. The current queue will be done in this order. Any arcs added to the queue after that will be put in their own categories below, in order of priority. First, is "Review Trade", meaning, myself and someone else agreed to review one another's arcs (review 4 was one of these, as well as 6). Next will be the Quid Pro Quo stack, of people who played one of our arcs, but did not review. Third is straight request, people who simply asked me.

If your name is in the wrong spot, let me know. It may be that I did not draw a correlation between the global name in feedback in game, and your forum name.

Review queue is currently closed!

Dalghryn "The Consequences of War" Arcs IDs: 227331 and 241496

Cheshire Cat "Captain Skylark Shadowfancy and the Tomorrownauts of Today!" Arc ID: 337333

Review Trade Queue

Eraserdog Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of DOOM! Arc ID: 335926


Quid Pro Quo Queue (say that three times fast)

Jail_Bird Old Dog, New Trick Arc ID: 81318


Straight Request Queue

Tubbius City of Ho Ho Ho, or A Claus in Paragon Arc ID: 18775

OzzieArcane Big Evil: Evil is Thicker then Water Arc ID: 340274

Well, that should do it.


***Please try and keep spoilers for our arcs out of this thread. If you have specific feedback, please PM me.***

Hey I'll toss my arc in to the mix, more feedback makes for better arcs.

17006 - End Game. Link in my sig. It is a somewhat difficult level 40-50 arc. I find Melee toons have an easier time than range toons, but both should be able to complete it fine.

I will be playing 246007 tonight, both because I enjoy Crey arcs and because the title reminds me of a Megadeath song .

Feel free to post spoilers as needed/wanted/desired. While the arc has some surprises but nothing I will cry about being written about.

I think I'll give Clash of the Gods a go later >.> it sounds interesting! (It's a shame it's so hard to find good arcs <;_;> I mean they're *there* - it's just finding them is hard <@.@>)

As for reviewing here... <^_^> Either of the arcs in my sig would be greatly helpful to me <,< I think you might have actually played them before; but I've done some work on them since I came back and could use some feedback on the changes - especially A Warrior's Friend, which has seen a fair few modifications. It's still the same basic arc; but the third map is wholly different, the ally group looks different and has more mobs, the enemy group has slightly more variety as well.

*edit*

I feel like a moron for forgetting <,<

Feel free to be spoiler-tastic - just mark anything with (((SPOILER))) tags if you feel it's warranted. That said, neither of my arcs have much in the way of major twists. They're based more on being examples of a given genre played straight really >.> Above Mars being Military Sci-Fi, and A Warrior's Friend being a fusion of Heroic Fantasy and Superheroism. So there's not a ton to spoil I don't think <,<

As for level ranges:

Above Mars is a bit tough for some, so I personally recommend 40+; however the difficulty varies a great deal my person; and my recent nerfs on some of the mobs may have made it easy enough that even a lower level could take it without trouble. So bring whatever you feel like, just let me know how you find the difficulty curve so I can tune it >.> (I played it several times with a blaster and a scrapper both, as I don't play other ATs often)

A Warrior's Friend is a bit easier, but it can still be tricky at times; and there is an EB/AV involved as well - so be aware of that. I rate it at about 30+ to get the absolute best experience; but I've beaten it with a level 15 scrapper (though it was tricky).

Either one again is fine <^_^>

*currently working on Clash of the Gods*

Always good to have more reviewers! Mutually Assured Destruction sounds interesting, so I think I'll give that a try at some point. As for what arc I'd like you to review, I'd like your thoughts on my level 40-50 Neutral arc "The Rikti Accession." The arc ID is in my signature. It's not terribly tough, except for probably the enemy group in the last mission. As for spoilers, go on ahead and discuss them. I'd like to know what I can improve, after all.

I'll edit this post when I've played through Mutually Assured Destruction and will leave some feedback in-game.

EDIT: All right, I've played the arc now. I've left some feedback in-game, but I'll say some things here. The story is great! I loved some of the themes that were explored in the arc. I have to disagree with Dalghryn about her "overwriting," since I feel that it was nice and easy to understand. Most of the "big words" were used by Protector II, which seemed to be an amusing characteristic of his.

Speaking of Protector II, I have to agree that he's way tougher than he should be. Insane regeneration and a self-rez are not challenging, just tedious. The last boss (Without much spoilers) is a little annoying with Rage but is doable when it drops. The custom group that appears throughout missions 4 and 5 is a little buggy as well, spawning level 45 bosses throughout even though I'm playing at level 50 (With my difficulty settings having me equal to 2 villains at a +1 level). The allies are also 45s, although the hostage you need to rescue in mission 3 is properly 50.

I rated the arc 5 stars in-game because I didn't want to banish this to the realm of 4 stars (The Devs really need to do something about the whole "Everything below 5 stars is unlikely to ever be played" thing) at such an early age since the story is great, but I acknowledge that the gameplay could use a little more fine-tuning to be a lot more fun.

Hope that helped!

Funny thing: I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the overall theme of the arc is very similar to the arc I submitted to you above, only we have different groups and motivations involved. Some things may seem sort of familiar when you run my arc, so hopefully you will enjoy it.

OK, I gave "Mutually Assured Destruction" a try, however I finally gave up on the 2nd mission. Playing a Fire/Rad controller with imps and debuffs took me 30 minutes to beat the EB playing at plus 0 with no extras. Ran through every inspiration I had and used every trick I knew. When the EB revived, I threw up my hands. I may give it another run with my level 50 blaster. I didn't rate it in game.

In the mean time, let me give you my thoughts on what I did get done.

Typically, end of sentence punctuation goes inside of quotes. She has it that way in some cases, but not in others. She may want to give it another proof. In the mission #1 intro, there is one particular punctuation error - "...Echo 1, got it?. The period needs to go away.

In the mission #2 intro, there's a typo - "...A couple belond..." Should be "belong." In the mission send-off dialogue, there's another typo - "integated" should be "integrated." Punctuation-wise, "...villain too I've" should read, "villain, too, I've..."

I'm busy writing down notes when I notice the timer running. Huh!? I went back through all the intro and send-off and see nothing that specifically says it's timed. Ouch, since I was short on time as it is (then ran into the EB from hell).

The enter pop-up talks about the place not having seen any sentient beings except for insects and rodents. Unfortunately, insects and rodents aren't considered sentient. Which brings me to a point....

I tend to be overly wordy, and I tend to write to an audience of a 12th grade level or better. Most writing books will tell you to keep it below a 10th grade level, and many say 8th. You girlfriend has a great vocabulary, but - in my humble opinion - she's overwriting and needs to choose words that are more common. Trust me, been there, done that, so I know from personal experience how hard it is to force yourself to do.

She's fine in some places, but she might want to give it another once over.

Another minor point and I'll shut up. In the compass text for the second mission, it just says, "Protector II." Though we find out quickly enough what we have to do with "Protector II" (Ouch...), the compass text should be more specific.

Finally (for 1 1/2 missions), I tend to think PII is overpowered. You mentioned she likes to make hard missions, and I understand that considering the difficulty level mine address, but... wow... I was thinking he was too hard the first round. Going against him twice... Hm... she may want to at least re-think the resurrection. Just my thoughts.

I like where the arc's headed. In fact, one of my characters is a Revenant Hero clone. I may bring him back to this arc for some cool RP, as long as I bring help.

My arcs are in my signature, since I didn't actually finish, do with them what you like. In any case, based on what I saw, "Mutually Assured Destruction," less the godling in mission #2, was headed to a 4 star rating for me - up or down depending on how many more godlings my character had to get smacked around by and how much more overwriting there was. It's definitely got some great potential.

Hi guys! I will have a properly ordered queue and probably 1-3 reviews up on Monday or Tuesday

It's been a while since anyone's run my arc The Echo, so forgive me if you've already run it and i've forgotten your feedback, but I'd love to know your reaction to it. My review of your arc is in my review thread; feel free to quote any of it here if you like.

Eco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow [The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."

Review One

In Pursuit of Liberty Arc ID: 221702

Author: @Gypsy Rose (ArrowRose on forums)

Score: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ (Rated ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ in game)

Character used: Singularity XSR Lv.45 Elec/Nin Stalker (Click for picture)

Review:

Hmm, well let me start off by saying that I enjoyed myself, but I could have also been a lot harsher on the rating had I not sought out and spoken with the author at length. There's a lot to be said about assumptions, and it would be easy to make different assumptions about this or any other story, MA or not, if you don't understand it's intentions. We're given much better opportunity for this in the real world, because the genre of something, and thus its intents, are very clear from the moment you buy it off the store shelves.

The author is not trying to write a groundbreaking novel, but a modern fairy tale with an overarching plot, and a theme of destiny. Does she always pull it off 100%? No, but I think she managed pretty darned well anyways. It's interesting and even fun to watch a character grow up before your eyes, and that's really what this fairy tale is about: the life of a hero, a large part of which you are there for.

The premise deals largely with helping to ensure Liberty Rose's future, as she will save the world, but there are forces trying to stop this fate of hers from coming into fruition, something she herself seems largely oblivious to right up until the end. And while it may be Liberty Rose's fate to save the world, it's also yours to be there right by her side.

This is definitely an origin story, but thankfully, it includes the player in the narrative as an important piece of the puzzle.

It starts off with Ms. Liberty telling you that 9 years in the past, young Liberty Rose has been kidnapped. This immediately brings to mind the question "wait, you're hardcore, why don't you do it?" This is unfortunately never answered adequately, but you can make a lot of inferences, which from talking to the author, seem to be mostly right. The author is actually willing to fill in the blanks on these types of things, but she can't. She's hit that wonderful 100kb brick wall.

Anyways, Ms. Liberty isn't doing this because she knows you are supposed to. After all, the past is the past, and it already happened.

So off you go, into the past, nine years into an abandoned office. You need to find an agent that was sent in before you to scout the place out, rescue Liberty Rose herself, and put down the guy who did the whole kidnapping plot in the first place. But it's quickly obvious that someone is pulling the strings here, someone named MAL.

You will learn a bit more about MAL as the arc continues, and how he has his hands in everything going on here, and how he ties into Liberty Rose's fate. There were some missed opportunities for really expanding on the nature of this conspiracy, that either the author doesn't have room in the file to expand on, or I simply missed (I am sorta dense). For instance, has it been in the works for 9 years or is MAL also time hopping? That was never made clear to me, but it didn't seem to be a huge deal either.

I will avoid massive spoilers for the rest of the review, but I will say that some people might not like this. Some people might interpret it as a series of go fetch quests, but to me personally, it's more than the sum of its parts.

Like I said, first thing is first, I had fun. That is very important. The mission design and map choice are all very, very excellent. You can run around kicking butt if you want, but you can also finish these missions in a matter of minutes if you want to. They aren't overcomplicated or convoluted. I don't mind that normally, but here, using complex mechanics would have been a mistake, and would have gone against the spirit of the arc. There are the bad guys of course, but it's pretty light hearted. I liked that.

There were a lot of cute moments, and even the idea of destiny, while largely taken seriously, has a bit of fun poked at it too at least once (*laughs thinking about the end mission popup text after retrieving something*).

There are cute, small moments and details all over the place like this. I love it! If an author can make me smile, that's a good, good thing.

Other pros include not just excellent map choice and mission design, but a clear sense of rising action and what you are doing. You are never misled by the contact or the details on the compass. Nothing is ever remotely vague and trying to keep you guessing. The author tells you exactly what you have to do, on no uncertain terms, and while there's nothing wrong with being more vague about it.. I just liked this. A lot. She uses several largish maps, so knowing exactly what you're there for allows you to complete the missions very, very quickly if that's what you want.

The custom enemy group is detailed and interesting. They all have unique bios, looks, and powers that make sense, and made me want to actually stop and read up on them. They weren't overpowered, but they weren't pushovers. They were just right.

Stupid animation bug

Lastly, while some might see it as a series of fetch quests, there is a clear sense of rising action as you learn all of what MAL has his hands into, though I felt the full 100% reveal near the end was jarring at first, I've played through this a few times now, and understand why it was done like that.

The cons on this story (as opposed to the pros) are largely things outside the authors control right now. There are details that I think should be filled in, and I think she would like to, but simply can't because she's bumping her head on that 100kb wall. Even given this, the narration is clear and you aren't ever left confused, I just wish there was more room to expand on the background story a bit more.

So yeah, four out of five stars. I rated 5 in game and 4 here because.. honestly? I don't know how to rate this.

I liked it a lot, and I had fun. It was a quick romp through time travel memory lane, and helping take down a real jerk with a nice person.

I had fun.

Check first post for my queue

Review Two

The Rikti Accession Arc ID: 278757

Author: @Mekkanos (Mekkanos on forums)

Score: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ½ (4.5) (Rated ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ in game)

Character used: Singularity XSR Lv.45 Elec/Nin Stalker (Click for picture)


Overview (only very mild spoilers):

This was a pretty interesting look at the Rikti, one I didn't expect. It brings back the old character of C'Kelkah as your contact, and gives her a Mark III translator, so she can talk normally. She does get in some Rikti speech, which is good to establish the proper atmosphere before she does click the translator on.

It started off very good, and ended pretty good too, but some things bugged me, and some things confused me.

You pose as a member of Vanguard that she has contacted and wants you to to help her out with something, as she doesn't trust other Rikti to handle this properly. Seems there are some issues in the Rikti mental network, someone is in there proclaiming their superiority as a higher being, but that isn't really very Rikti-like, and the fact the priests haven't shut him up is a major concern. So your task is to go.. shut him up, and start getting to the bottom of all of this.

So off you go to the Rikti base where this guy is and find that this "Heretic" is some kind of altered Rikti. Once you take care of him, you also need to grab a data module from one of the computers there and take it back to C'Kelkah so she can examine it and find out what's going on.

C'Kelkah confirms to you what the Heretic said, that these are Meta-Rikti, and that the Restructurists are using meta-human DNA to augment their powers, to find a way to better fight us in the war.

From here on in, you'll be unraveling the Restructurist plot involving the Meta-Rikti, and trying to put a stop to the Meta-Rikti in general. Without spoiling too much however, I will say this is one of the few arcs I've played that allows for a serious moral choice at the end, one that is handled much better than simply letting a mission timer run out. A very nice touch.

Overall, the mission design was spot on, and the map choice was pretty darned good. In fact, the second map was so full of atmosphere, I was extremely impressed. There are however, issues with that mission that I'm gonna point out in the spoiler section below. They aren't major though, not enough to ding the rating of this arc.

The dialogue is also largely, very excellent, I especially like listening to a Rikti contact I can understand. It was very elegantly handled. There are a couple of plot twists that.. while I wouldn't say are especially twisty, are twisty enough to keep you snagged into the arc. There's a very real sense of rising action from one mission to another, and that is always something I look for.

A good narrative relies on proper rising action, and a slow reveal of the larger inner workings of the plot. Some of it is revealed a bit too fast.. but as those are revealed, other mysteries pop up, so that ends up working in its favor.

That said, there are a couple of issues with the arc, and they are mostly mechanical in nature.. and unfortunately, I'm not sure just how much can be alleviated by the author. That said, these issues don't really hamper the story except for in one instance, which I will mention in the spoiler section below. In fact, it's a large part of what kept it from being a true 100% affirmed 5 star to me

Ultimately, I rated 5 stars in game because I liked it and I had a lot of fun, but I still think there is room for improvement, which is why it got a 4 star here. While I don't pretend to know what's going on in the author's mind, or to pretend I know better than he does, I do feel there are a couple spots that could be improved or touched up that would make this a really serious must play.

If you're looking for a good story involving Rikti internal politics, and you also want to be given a choice.. a REAL moral dilemma, then definitely play this arc. It comes recommended, I think you should enjoy yourself

So 4.5/5 stars. Play it and have fun.


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

Okay, well, I want to say that I loved the second mission. It was short and sweet, and had an amazing atmosphere, I was very pleased to see that the turrets spawned on that map to help repel the Rikti, giving it a serious battlefield feel, and your actual battle spawns gave it an even deeper atmosphere. However, there are two issues on this map that I felt detracted from the smoothness of the gameplay on the map.

First: Rhodes. Specifically, the nav bar simply says to "find the vanguard soldier" or some such, but there are TONS of generic NPCs named "Vanguard Soldier" all over the map. I strongly recommend to actually list his name in the nav bar, like "Find Rhodes" or something.

Also, I played through this arc twice, and I noticed this issue twice in a row.. the Rikti Scientist attacks the base and gets his rear end shot off by the turrets. The turrets will actually completely solve the objective for you, because hs spawns at the base, and then attacks it, and gets killed. I don't think you can really prevent this while keeping him an enemy. The only option in my mind to keep the atmosphere in the mission and maintain the integrity of this mission goal is instead to make him an Ally that you need to "capture" and lead to the mission exit. Make it so that he is non-combat, and is "Guarded" by some of his friends, whom you take out. Having effectively captured him, you can then take him in to the base personally. This also means that even if the turrets take out his guards, you can still "pick him up" and lead him out, allowing the player directly solve the objective. He spawned pretty close to the base, so a single escort in the entire arc shouldn't be an issue IMO.

Remember, it's just a suggestion, and I am not pretending to be the Word of God here, and you have to do things how you see fit, as the author.

Okay, now, on the matter of the Embryos in the third mission. This left me somewhat confused. This did not detract from the rating, and I admit to being dense, but something got me here. Rikti are born human, so any embryos would be human embryos. C'Kelkah refers to them as "Rikti Embryos", so I was like "wait, bwuh?" and then, later, the arc specifically mentions "They start as human". So I imagine you mean that, even if they are human embryos (or embryos modified to be Meta-Rikti) that they still "belong" to Rikti society? Either.. this needs clarifying.. or I'm just really dense.. >.> <.<

Okay and here is what really got me and while I can't point to one specific thing and say "this is why it's not a 5" because the rating is based on my overall feelings, if I had to, this would be it. You find the box, and it's enchanted so that the player cannot even talk about it. Now I understand that you have to find some way to get the player to not talk about it to C'Kelkah, since you don't have multiple chocie on mission acceptance, but this really bugged me a lot. A lot. Okay so I played on my Technology Stalker. But what if I played on my Magic Blaster? She's a freakin Archmage. She is a character so powerful, and so power hungry, that there are unseen and terrible consequences to having those powers (hey no spoilers on her ). There is no reason that she, or other powerful mage characters like her (played by other people) should not be able to shrug this curse or spell off and tell C'Kelkah anyways, if they wanted to.

It's a plot device, and while I recognize the need to have one here, it just doesn't feel right at all. I don't like it, I really don't. It's being forced on the player in a very overt manner. If you choose to change this, I would gladly help you brainstorm on a more elegant solution. I got nothin' as it stands, but I would gladly help you anyways.

Also, on the issue of the note, I think it could use some clarifying, as it sorta confused me, and I didn't really understand what he was trying to say until I talked to C'Kelkah. Remember, I'm sorta dense though. This is from my notes I took as I played:

"The letter confuses me a little bit too, I think he needs to clarify somewhat on what base he is going to and what exactly he is going to do to cause what to be set back. I have no idea what he's trying to tell me."

I didn't understand what he meant until I talked to the contact herself.

Finally, the last mission. Nice, small map, good atmosphere with all the battles, but two small problems.

First, I felt Rhodes' dialogue was a bit too expositionary and overt. His monologue really seems artificial, and he's saying stuff the player kinda knows anyways, so if you can smooth it out a bit, go ahead.

Second issue.. well it's kinda my fault See, he runs at about 25% health, and if you let him get to the exit, you "Fail" the mission, having taken his side on the moral dilemma. Well with my difficulty settings, he spawned as an LT, meaning, I had to cherry tap him to get him to not die horribly (especially considering my Stalker nature, as I had to unhide so I didn't crit him to death).

Well another issue, related to me being a stalker, is that I chose to let him run, but I had stealthed past everything in the mission on my way to him, and he got shot up and died on the way out because of this, and I didn't get to make my choice as a result. This didn't detract from the rating at all, but if this seems like an issue to you that you want to fix, feel free to find a way to do it.

NOT related to my stalker nature, when I got to him, I was invisible and watched him fight patrols. Patrols came right up on him, and while he won hands down, it concerned me that he might not always be so lucky. I don't know what to do about this, I know you wanted to keep this mission easy, but making him an EB might solve a lot of issues. People can now set not to fight EBs while solo and he will spawn as a boss instead, making him much more survivable, while still soloable by 99.9999999% of players.

You can look into this and playtest this if you want. Remember, these are not demands, and I didn't feel this detracted from the rating, but I like the idea of a moral dilemma and how you handled it, and I think you might want to take steps to further ensure players always have the chance to make that decision - I'm just not 100% on what the most elegant solution would be. Of course, you can also do a variant on what I did for the 4th mission of my Aru Prime arc.

In that arc, I use a map that has a wierd layout, and so I mentioned that Intel said to cover the map in a very certain way, to help the player out. Mentioning in the popup that C'Kelkah or Rhodes said to clear out the bad guys before facing Rhodes himself is one option as well.

Either way Mekkanos, I liked your arc a lot This is just a quick pile of constructive feedback, areas I think you can improve your arc, as requested.

End spoilers.


Again 4.5/5, a well crafted story, and even with its minor areas where it could use some polish, definitely a must play

I'd appreciate a review of my newest arc "Captain Skylark Shadowfancy and the Tomorrownauts of Today!", #337333. It's a send up/loving tribute to 1930's pulp space opera with a bit of lovecraft thrown into the mix. It's somewhat of a challenge arc as well, so there are some extreme bosses and AVs towards the end (The link to the thread is in my sig).

Alternatively I wouldn't object to more plays of Astoria in D Minor, that one's definitely more emotional than Tomorrownauts, but it doesn't deal with emotions people typically LIKE. I'd prefer a review of the former though (Since I've already gotten lots of feedback on D Minor but nobody has run Tomorrownauts yet - though if you like one and WANT to play the other, I'm not going to object :P).

Spoilers for either are fine, D Minor is already spoiled to hell and back in its thread and in PoliceWoman's thread, nobody has run Tomorrownauts yet but it's not like the plot is particularly twisty anyway (Both arcs are more about mood than plot).

I can review both of em if you like, just run one of my girlfriend's as well

She needs to adjust some difficulty options that got broken with I16, so they can be tougher than even she intended.

Thank you very much for reviewing my arc! You brought up some great points and I'll address most of them here, although I think a certain....plot device could warrant more discussion via PMs as you've said. Let's just say for now that I hate it just as much as you do but I'm totally clueless as to how to fix it.

Spoiler Discussion Below

Quote:

First: Rhodes. Specifically, the nav bar simply says to "find the vanguard soldier" or some such, but there are TONS of generic NPCs named "Vanguard Soldier" all over the map. I strongly recommend to actually list his name in the nav bar, like "Find Rhodes" or something.

Good point. I think I have some room to introduce him in the send-off dialogue, so I may just have her tell you to seek him out (Why she'd ask you to help out a Rikti hater, though, is a bit more of a problem).

Quote:

Also, I played through this arc twice, and I noticed this issue twice in a row.. the Rikti Scientist attacks the base and gets his rear end shot off by the turrets. The turrets will actually completely solve the objective for you, because hs spawns at the base, and then attacks it, and gets killed. I don't think you can really prevent this while keeping him an enemy. The only option in my mind to keep the atmosphere in the mission and maintain the integrity of this mission goal is instead to make him an Ally that you need to "capture" and lead to the mission exit. Make it so that he is non-combat, and is "Guarded" by some of his friends, whom you take out. Having effectively captured him, you can then take him in to the base personally. This also means that even if the turrets take out his guards, you can still "pick him up" and lead him out, allowing the player directly solve the objective. He spawned pretty close to the base, so a single escort in the entire arc shouldn't be an issue IMO.

I hadn't actually thought of doing that with the scientist. Very nice suggestion! I'm a little wary of doing it, though, for two reasons. For one thing, the guards can still get blown away by the turrets and Vanguard Also, it essentially means you have two very similar objectives in the same mission (Rescue Rhodes and "rescue" the scientist). Considering how the two objectives have considerably different feels to them, though, I'll definitely take this into consideration.

Quote:

Okay, now, on the matter of the Embryos in the third mission. This left me somewhat confused. This did not detract from the rating, and I admit to being dense, but something got me here. Rikti are born human, so any embryos would be human embryos. C'Kelkah refers to them as "Rikti Embryos", so I was like "wait, bwuh?" and then, later, the arc specifically mentions "They start as human". So I imagine you mean that, even if they are human embryos (or embryos modified to be Meta-Rikti) that they still "belong" to Rikti society? Either.. this needs clarifying.. or I'm just really dense.. >.> <.<

Well, the idea is that because the embryos were modified to become Meta-Rikti while still in this state, they don't really count as human anymore. In other words, they've already started the mutation. Remember that the original experiment that led to the Meta-Rikti (The creation of Tk'Lankah) was intended to skip the human part of the process altogether and although it went in a completely different direction eventually, it seemed to have partially succeeded by making Tk'Lankah into something that is mostly a Rikti, albeit super-powered. I'm not sure I can find room to say that she's been like that since birth, though... Also, give yourself some credit! You're more perceptive than you think you are, since you could see the point of the box as a plot device.

Quote:

Also, on the issue of the note, I think it could use some clarifying, as it sorta confused me, and I didn't really understand what he was trying to say until I talked to C'Kelkah. Remember, I'm sorta dense though. This is from my notes I took as I played: "The letter confuses me a little bit too, I think he needs to clarify somewhat on what base he is going to and what exactly he is going to do to cause what to be set back. I have no idea what he's trying to tell me." I didn't understand what he meant until I talked to the contact herself.

I was originally going to have Rhodes explain what he was going to do in the letter, but I ran out of room (Curse you, 1000 character limit!). Instead, I had him make references to doing something drastic and focused on his offer. Perhaps I could have him say something along the lines of "You'll find out what it is I'm going to do soon enough. Decide from there."

Quote:

First, I felt Rhodes' dialogue was a bit too expositionary and overt. His monologue really seems artificial, and he's saying stuff the player kinda knows anyways, so if you can smooth it out a bit, go ahead.

Funny. I never noticed this before (And no one ever brought it to my attention) and now it really bothers me. I'll have to change it. Thanks for telling me!

Quote:

Second issue.. well it's kinda my fault See, he runs at about 25% health, and if you let him get to the exit, you "Fail" the mission, having taken his side on the moral dilemma. Well with my difficulty settings, he spawned as an LT, meaning, I had to cherry tap him to get him to not die horribly (especially considering my Stalker nature, as I had to unhide so I didn't crit him to death). Well another issue, related to me being a stalker, is that I chose to let him run, but I had stealthed past everything in the mission on my way to him, and he got shot up and died on the way out because of this, and I didn't get to make my choice as a result. This didn't detract from the rating at all, but if this seems like an issue to you that you want to fix, feel free to find a way to do it. NOT related to my stalker nature, when I got to him, I was invisible and watched him fight patrols. Patrols came right up on him, and while he won hands down, it concerned me that he might not always be so lucky. I don't know what to do about this, I know you wanted to keep this mission easy, but making him an EB might solve a lot of issues. People can now set not to fight EBs while solo and he will spawn as a boss instead, making him much more survivable, while still soloable by 99.9999999% of players. You can look into this and playtest this if you want. Remember, these are not demands, and I didn't feel this detracted from the rating, but I like the idea of a moral dilemma and how you handled it, and I think you might want to take steps to further ensure players always have the chance to make that decision - I'm just not 100% on what the most elegant solution would be. Of course, you can also do a variant on what I did for the 4th mission of my Aru Prime arc. In that arc, I use a map that has a wierd layout, and so I mentioned that Intel said to cover the map in a very certain way, to help the player out. Mentioning in the popup that C'Kelkah or Rhodes said to clear out the bad guys before facing Rhodes himself is one option as well.

I don't think I want to make him an EB because there's always the chance that when he decides to run, players may not be able to damage him enough to finish him off and end up failing the mission when they wanted to succeed. In other words, we'd end up with the exact opposite of the problem you're having. The downgrade to boss feature DOES make it tempting, though...

I may just have something in the opening pop-up mentioning that it might be a good idea to get rid of the Restructurists so they can't get to him.

Anyway, great review and thank you for taking the time to run it! I'll contact you via PM regarding the box soonish. Maybe we can work something out.

Review Three

The Echo Arc ID: 1688

Author: @MrCaptainMan (MrCaptainMan on forums)

Score: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ (Rated ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ in game)

Character used: Singularity XSR Lv.48 Elec/Nin Stalker (Click for picture)


Overview (only very mild spoilers):

This was very difficult to rate, in fact, so difficult, I didn't rate it. This could easily be a 1, but it could also easily be a 5. But not a 2, 3, or 4. Bit of a conundrum, so I chose not to rate at all. There are some things about this arc that I absolutely adored.. and other parts that I wasn't fond of.

EDIT: Having cleared some things up, I now feel qualified to rate this, and it gets a 4. It seems like the author considers this a final draft, and I'm rating it as such. Play and enjoy IMO!

Okay, I don't even know where to start, so I guess the beginning works.

You are contacted by Jack McDonald. Apparently, a woman named Janice Hawthorn has been kidnapped by the freaks, and it's your job to rescue her. Sounds simple enough, as freaks do this kinda stuff all the time, so off you go to the warehouse where they are staying.

Things get weird though. Sure, you rescue her (I won't spoil her background), but you find out that the place is being rented by someone else, and that the freaks were hired by a hero, called the Monitor.

You spend the next 4 missions unraveling the mystery of the Monitor, who he is, why he is doing what he's doing, etc.

The revelation at the end is powerful, and the last mission is set up in a unique and interesting way. When I first read the briefing on what I had to do, I was extremely loathsome of it, but if you play this, stick with it, it's not what it sounds like. It's handled elegantly, and gives some really great character development to the Big Bad.

There's a lot to say, and I don't know how to say it, so I'm just gonna go straight to the pros and cons.

First the pros..

I want to say that the mission design is beyond excellent. This arc is extremely well polished. It was a pleasure to play from a technical standpoint.

It uses mostly small maps, and uses them effectively, something I always appreciate. I don't mind large maps, I use some in my arcs, I just like there to be a good reason to use them.

There are what I would call some glaring plot issues that could be easily solved, but despite these, there is an excellent sense of rising action, one of the best and smoothest I've played in fact, as you slowly unravel the mystery of what's going on.

(I know I mention this a lot in my reviews, but if I do come across an arc that lacks this, I will mention this as a con. Not here though!)

Next.. The dialogue is usually pretty strong. Some of it just seems extremely out of place, which I will mention later, but overall, when the characters speak, it's generally believable.

Without spoiling, there is a mission with a lot of linked objectives. A lot. This can be very shaky territory, but the author handled this well. Being unable to precisely control where something spawns, and having obviously playtested it several times, he became aware of when backtracking would be needed. Instead of letting the player guess as to when they might need to backtrack or not, he tells the player, which makes the experience significantly smoother. Very, very smart.

As mentioned above, the way the last mission is set up, in its allowance of excellent character development for the Big Bad is really, really damned good. I was wary of that mission at first, but quickly found myself rushing from objective to objective just to hear more. Well done.

And now the cons..

This is supposed to be an arc that hybridizes humor and drama. On TV, this is often called a dramedy, and it's very difficult to pull off. The humor is usually in the way characters will speak or react to a situation, but it's really not pulled off here, sorry to say. The humor is sprinked on top of what could be an excellent drama, and it doesn't add anything at all. I don't profess to have an amazing sense of humor, in fact, my GF usually has to tell me she's joking. Here, I recognized the jokes, they just weren't funny, and detracted from the overall experience.

The supposed premise of what the Big Bad is aiming to do makes zero sense.

The dialogue doesn't always seem to fit the (minor) characters.

I can't go further into cons without going into the spoiler section, and sadly, this section will be largely criticism. I will try to be as constructive and helpful as possible. Here we go...


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

Well, I was admittedly reluctant to write this review. I don't like to be negative, and there were some serious gripes I had with this arc. I will, as I said, try to be as constructive and helpful as possible.

First issue, which I mentioned briefly up there.. some of the dialogue doesn't fit. Specifically, the Freaks weren't believable. They did not sound like cyberpunking anarchists to me. That could just be me, I don't pretend to be everyone, but it really didn't work for me. Directly from my notes I took while playing:

"The freaks really didn't talk like freaks either. You don't have to leet speak to make them sound like freaks, but it just didn't work. They sounded like thugs from London or something, not cyberbunk excelsior junkies who live to break ****."

Next, the premise for the Big Bad's evil plan, amplifying the sound of the Big Bang. Now, it turns out that it was a ruse, but the parts he gathered were believable enough for DATA to think it would be used as a weapon. Issue is, there's no sound in space, and while I don't pretend to be a physicist, it just seems like ... well it seems like it doesn't make any sense.

Again, I wanna mention the humor. You have some major potential for a very serious and down to earth, touching drama, but the humor you've inserted seems artificial. In fact, a lot of the humor you seemed to go for, really seemed to interfere in the story. I think I am thinking mostly of clues, but I can play through again and point out specifics if you want. The humor (and again, no offense, I didn't find it funny), seems very out of place, and in fact, it felt like it was added in after the fact. It's like putting chocolate and black licorice sprinkles on top of a pineapple upside down cake.. what was there was already really good.. adding this on top of it hurt the arc pretty badly.

You advertise in the very description a shift in tone, but to be completely honest, the first 4 missions were so out of balance, I couldn't tell what the tone was supposed to be. I personally feel, ME, not anyone else, I personally feel that you should largely remove the attempts at humor and just make this a very serious arc. It as the meat, the foundation to be a real, real winner in that area.

The big bad is largely believable, but I took some issue with his dialogue. This guy is obviously very intelligent, and I would expect, crafty. Unfortunately, the tear jerking action at the end is nearly ruined by the fact I knew he wasn't insane. The entire time, I knew. I knew he wasn't evil, and I knew he wasn't crazy.. and how did I know? Because he told me he was insane, he told me he went mad. Proclaiming your madness requires a certain cognizance, it's just not believable. If you want the end twist to be an actual surprise, and to really tug at people's heartstrings, take out any instances of him calling himself mad. I therefore knew that he wasn't insane, and probably not evil, and therefore wasn't fooled into thinking he was going for some nefarious plot. Mind you, I wasn't able to guess the ending, but I knew he wasn't really a bad guy.

I think this guy is smart and crafty enough to intentionally act insane without verbally pointing it out, which would only cast doubts. If he really wants to trick the player into thinking he's gone bonkers, then I think he would be smart enough not to actually say it. Though to be serious, I think he is a little mad.. not totally, but given experiences, I would be.

Again, I don't know how to rate this, it was so contradictory.. there were some great things, and some things which really dragged it down.

I don't profess to say that my personal tastes are the end all be all in the universe, or say that you must absolutely change this arc to fit my preferences, but this review is my opinion.

If you decide to make some of the changes here, I would gladly play through again and re-review, if you want.

End spoilers.

Well, guys, I don't know what to tell you. It's an interesting ride. It has its flaws, but I think overall, it's worth a play.

Having cleared some things up, I now feel qualified to rate this, and it gets a 4. It seems like the author considers this a final draft, and I'm rating it as such. Play and enjoy IMO!

Thanks for the review, Aisynia. It's a shame you didn't like the humour, but I was really pleased with this sentence especially:

"As mentioned above, the way the last mission is set up, in its allowance of excellent character development for the Big Bad is really, really damned good. I was wary of that mission at first, but quickly found myself rushing from objective to objective just to hear more. Well done."

It's all a build up to that last monologue, and if you were rushing thru 16 chained Freak boss fights (!) because the dialogue was hooking you, then I guess what I did worked.

Eco.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow [The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."

One more response, to your point about the Big Bad's 'plan' to amplify the sound of the Big Bang for destructive purposes. It is indeed ridiculous and scientifically implausible, but no more so than any number of plot elements in countless arcs in this game. I personally think it actually fits the 'ludicrous crazy' act the Big Bad is putting on, would not be out of place in, say, a Von grun arc, the tone of which the comedy in this arc is aiming for, somewhat, it also mirrors the actual Reveal.

You didn't comment on my custom group the Crey Librarians at all. I'm quite proud of them, well, their look, mostly.

Eco.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow [The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."

Touche. ;D

EDIT: In regards to the Librarians, yeah not mentioning was an oversight, I apologize. I thought they were freakin great

Review Four

Becoming a Villain Arc ID: 223631

Author: @Smash-Zone (Smash_Zone on forums)

Score: ☼ ☼ ☼ ½ (3.5) (Rated ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ in game and for potential)

Character used: DiCosta, level 50 Wolf Spider Huntsman (Click for picture)


Overview (only very mild spoilers):

I lost power right after finishing this arc, and I had, uncharacteristically, NOT saved my notes file on this arc, including my pros and cons, since pretty much the beginning. So a lot of this will be from memory. The arc is still fresh in my mind, but not having my notes sucks.

So, well, this arc has a ton of potential. It has you playing a low level villain who just got busted out of the Zig, and has been thrown into the wild areas outside Fort Darwin. It's time to make a name for yourself, and Blood Hilt, an accomplished villain, is willing to help you find some jobs and earn some street cred, for a share of your profits.

So Blood Hilt says that the Skulls recently hit a Pawn Shop and are living it up in their abandoned warehouse with their box of loot. He says you can humiliate them by defeating their leader, Ribcage, and then taking their stuff. This is an extremely straight forward mission on a moderately sized abandoned warehouse map. It only has two objectives, take the loot and defeat Ribcage. It really is that simple.

Giving defiant speeches while being sprayed with lead - a valuable skill amongst villains in the Etoile Isles!

I like simple! So this is a definite PRO as far as I am concerned. I don't mind complex mechanics when they are necessary, and can really enjoy it.. but when it's not needed, it shouldn't be there. This arc in general is a wonderful example of that, as it keeps things no more complex than necessary

At the end of the mission, Blood Hilt reaches his grubby hands into my box of stuff, and says there's still plenty for me left.. given he mentioned this was 50/50 and I just did all the work, my first reaction was to smash him in the head with my rifle and tell him, "Actually, it's 80/20, *******."

I must also say, I really enjoyed the second mission, if not for anything more than the author's faithful replication of a fun vanilla mission, wherein you rob a bank to earn further cred.

But.. and here is where we get to the but.. there's no real plot here, not until the third mission, and then it isn't really executed well, though it could be. This arc has a lot of potential if the author is willing to fill in some gaps.

I liked the dialogue, especially in the missions. The dialogue was very well written, and the missions themselves were mostly well designed, though I had a couple of minor quibbles which I will mention in the more spoiler heavy feedback area down below.

I think the main issue that brings this arc down, is that it seems like it could be split into two separate arcs. First, you could make an arc based on being a low level villain helping Blood Hilt, and then betraying him when he has screwed you around enough. That was my first thought at the end of the first mission when he took half my stuff. I was like, "I am going to freakin' shoot this guy!" If he had some nefarious purpose (and better concealed than that ridiculous Quest for Magic guest arc) that he was using you for, and then you had the chance to betray him, that would make a great arc.

The real plot starts in mission 3. Now arguably, the Author could say that missions 1 and 2 are the setup that generates the street cred to make 3-5 possible, but I'm not so sure, there is nothing preventing Blood Hilt from giving you such a mission right away.

Some of the maps are a slight bit larger than necessary (I am looking at you, mission 4), and the mission map for mission 5 (and its general premise) didn't make tons of sense, though admittedly, it's a very easy mistake to make.

Also, the level ranges are all over the place, I suggest, since this is a lowbie arc, restricting it level 5-14, that would pretty much solve all of your level issues, as I went from 14, to 50, to 40, etc.

I think the biggest con is that there is no real sense of drama or rising action. While your crimes escalate, it never felt like I did anything more than "go here, do this", and the missions don't seem like they are connected enough. I will give some more detailed feedback on how I think this can be remedied below.

Overall though, I would like to say... I HAD FUN! I smiled a lot. That's very good, and that is the ultimate pro to this arc.. it's what makes it a 3.5 instead of a two. This arc has potential to be so much more, and maybe two arcs to boot! I really, really, truly want to see the author improve this and succeed in telling a wonderful story, because the potential is there. As it stands, this is a quick romp through the Rogue Isles (and part of Paragon), but not really any better (or worse) than a majority of vanilla content.

So 3.5 (4 for potential) and I would love to see this improved, I think the author really has potential here


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

Okay, well, let's start at the beginning.

Like I mentioned above, it feels like a mission 1, 2, and 3-5, are largely disconnected from each other. Sure, like I said, you are escalating in the severity of your crimes, but the small arc from 3-5 goes way, way beyond anything you did in 1 or 2.

First, 1 and 2. I think that there is a strong potential here to remove these missions completely and then build a whole arc around Blood Hilt having you do seemingly random tasks, when in fact, he is manipulating you to his own goals. You figure this out, and betray him before he can clean up the loose ends of his plot, including you. Crafting a plot of this kind can be difficult though, as even accomplished writers like the guest Author for Quest for Magic can fail dramatically.

That said, below, I have suggestions to unify the arc as a whole, but then, I don't wanna write your story for you (because then it isn't yours anymore ). I can hopefully give you some ideas to jump off from though.

Then we get to missions 3-5.

First of all, you are sent to procure an alliance with this Swiss-Knife guy (I cannot remember his full name, damned note being gone) by basically beating him up (or in my case, spraying him with lead). He's a bomb expert, and will come in handy in mission 4.. except.. he doesn't. In fact, you never see him again, and the bombs you plant in mission 4 could have been acquired at any number of places in the isles, and you wouldn't have needed this guy's help to plant them either. This really needs to be explained in the plot: Why do I need this guy's help, what's so special about this bomb, and where is he in mission 4 if I need him so bad? Making him a custom mob and an ally in mission 4, claiming to be there to help out with some of the technical issues could help alleviate some of this.

Which brings us to mission 4. You go from petty theft from the skulls.. to bank robbery.. to beating up some Mooks.. to terrorism.

Blowing up a Charity house is nasty work, and given the size of the map, this is a big building. Totally a terrorist action as far as I'm concerned. You are a foreign invader from a terrorist state. The Etoiles, in the real world, would very much be considered a terrorist state, and the only thing keeping them from being invaded is the fact that they are crawling with thousands and thousands of super villains.

Now, I'm not saying it's bad to have terrorism in a villainous arc, after all, terrorists are villains! So that part is okay, but it isn't treated with the severity that I feel it should be, even by Blood Hilt, who basically just says "awesome, now you are really feared and respected!". There really needs to be a greater sense of significance for what you just did IMO.

And then mission five sort of breaks the rule of rising action. In theory, if mission 4 had just been any bombing of a villain hideout of an abandoned warehouse or something, sure, no big deal, but you committed a definite and undeniable act of terrorism, so mission 5 sort of falls short, and has several flaws, which I believe you can easily fix. Lemme mention what I think is wrong, and then offer some suggestions.

Firstly, what is implied to be a low level, just starting out hero calls you out for a showdown. After what I just did, I would expect to see Statesman knocking on my door, though obviously that has no place in a low level arc. Short of that, I would expect a whole bunch of heroes wanting to take me in, but instead, it's just one guy.

Even more, it takes place in Atlas Park, probably the center of the hero populace in Paragon City, and they are all pissed at you right about now. So the fact that Longbow actually clears Atlas Park for a showdown between a low level hero and a guy or gal who just committed an act of terrorism seems a bit... wonky. And then one of the Longbow guys mentioned that (if I remember right) they are clearing the civilians out as well, but this happens to be one of the few maps that has civilians on it.

When I think showdown, I think dark alleys, not Atlas Park.

Likewise, having just committed an act of terrorism, I would expect this to be a trap.

So my suggestion is to change the mission map to something more secluded, abandoned office maybe. Not the most glamorous finish to an arc in terms of map, but it has to make sense.

A further suggestion stems from this quote, which I am paraphrasing to fit this situation:

You just used the terrorism card, which means you got a rainbow coalition of law enforcement crapping multicultural bricks.

You should have, at a minimum, Longbow, the PPD, and Wyvern, all cooperating together on this one. You can use multiple patrols of various factions to accomplish this. You can also recolor some other factions to represent things like the NSA.

I would also expect more than one hero.

If I were the one creating this mission personally, it would be on an indoor map, whereby you are locked inside and forced to defend yourself against all kinds of crap. I would have a minimum of 3-4 heroes that you need to defeat in order to make it out of there alive. The entire thing should be a trap set for a terrorist.

These last 3 missions could easily be expanded into their own arc (for which I have already plotted out in my head, but am not going to write, obviously, I'm not a thief).

I mentioned way up there I would suggest a way to unify the arc. Here it is: Make what you did in missions 1 and 2 have some effect on 3-5, like you were procuring something you needed, be it money or equipment, to make 3-5 possible. Of course, this involves Blood Hilt manipulating you and then using you as a fall guy. That would be fun though, and getting the chance o betray him would be sweet, especially after he looted my box after mission 1

My word is not law though, and I am just trying to offer general suggestions. I don't expect you to take them exactly, as I'm just trying to give you some leaping off points.

I think you are a good writer, and your dialogue is definitely your strong point.

Even though I have piled on the criticism, I want you to know it's in the interest of helping you make your arc better, and that overall, I did indeed enjoy myself. You have a lot of potential here for something really cool, especially given how fun it was. This arc can only get better.

If you do any rewriting and polishing, let me know, I would love to play again.

End spoilers.


So anyways guys, it's a fun arc. You can play it, and generally enjoy the gameplay and setup, but I give it a 3.5 because it falls short in some areas. This has potential to be so much more though, and I look forward to seeing more from this author.

Worth a play.

I was going to have another one up today, but I don't have time. Check my first post for an updated Queue (and the bold orange writing up top that explains the queue for some clarification).

If everything goes as planned, I should have the first 2-3 on the queue up here tomorrow.

Review Five

Above Mars, Part 1: The Wellington Arc ID: 159769

Author: @Yumii (mistformsquirrel on forums)

Score: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

Character used: DiCosta, level 50 Wolf Spider Huntsman (Click for picture)


Overview (only very mild spoilers):

I want to start off with two simple words: Hell yeah!

Note: This is a non-canon arc.

This arc takes place sometime in the future when mankind has colonized our solar system. Mars has apparently broken away from earth as a separate nation, something that obviously doesn't sit well with the Terrans. There seems to be some kind of peace, but it's hard to say how long it's lasted. Needless to say, that peace ends here in this arc.

You play a Martian Marine Sergeant, and the Terran Coalition is attacking Mars. They sent their massive juggernaut of a warship, the TCS Wellington, to launch an initial strike and destroy Mars' shipbuilding installations while their fleet is away. Only your ship, the MRS Ares Vallus is in orbit, but the Vallus is vastly outclassed by the Wellington.

Captain Sheas, your commanding officer, says there's only one real solution, only one real hope: fire you and a bunch of other marines at the Wellington in boarding topedos from out of normal weapons range. The idea is that you crash into the hull, and then board the ship that way. It's risky, but really the only hope you have.

Your mission? Rip this ship apart from the inside out, and give the Vallus an actual chance to survive it's battle with the Wellington and come out on top.

The Phobos shipyards are in ruins, and the Wellington is headed towards Deimos, and this is when you and your squad board the Wellington. The first mission is a 'Defeat All', but don't be turned away by this, it's a short map, and a lot of fun, with the objective being to try and find your way into the interior of the ship proper, and to meet up with your squadmates.

I am given the feeling that I have actually been launched into the side of their ship in a torpedo.. and they aren't very happy about it!

Needless to say, the next four missions are action packed, and interesting as you meet up with your squadmates and tear your way through the ship, sabotaging and destroying enemy assets as you go.

I don't really wanna spoil this, but suffice to say, this is absolutely thrilling fun. I had a blast playing this.

I don't always make a point of mentioning custom enemies, and I really should, but this arc is nothing BUT customs, so I should mention that they are well designed, and generally well balanced, though I think they can still use a bit of tweaking. I'll mention that below in my more detaield, spoileriffic feedback, but it's not really enough to detract from the overall fun of this arc.

Another pro is that this arc is heavy on immersion. You never actually leave the Wellington at any point during this arc, so the arc needs to make you feel like, even between missions, you haven't really left, and it accomplishes this, I think, pretty much without flaw.

I would say that the map use on this arc is more or less perfect. Most of the maps are absolutely excellent, ridiculously excellent in capturing what the author wants, allowing a sharp variance in design while still immersing you and making you believe this all takes place inside the same ship - with one exception. One of the maps is a Portal Corp. map with the Portal Corp. sign and logo just inside the map, right head. It broke my immersion, which is too bad since it's an otherwise perfect map.

And finally, something important to me, a sense of rising action. Each mission escalates the stakes and provides a greater sense of urgency with your every action, especially the last mission, where, while it isn't timed, you are given a feeling like "I gotta hurry!" That's damned awesome.

There are a couple of cons that ultimately didn't detract from the rating.

First, a minor thing is that some of the powers the enemies possess can be downright nasty if you have more than 2-3 of them shooting at you, and oh, you will.

Second, there are some serious logic issues in the plot, logic issues I didn't notice at first. Most people probably won't notice them in fact, but I will mention them below in the spoilers section.

The biggest con of all? There isn't a Part 2! This is listed as Part 1, and it's so awesome, I would love to see the sequel!

Again guys, this arc has very few flaws, has an excellent sense of connection between the missions, and a strong sense of rising action and urgency. Damned awesome. 5 stars. If you like sci-fi, this is a must play, but I would say even if you aren't a fan, play it anyways. It's a lot of fun, and very well crafted.

Oh, and one last thing...

All self respecting marines watch Battlestar Galactica. I wonder if she owns the DVDs?

Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

The spoiler heavy section is mostly intended to provide constructive criticism to help the author, but I have to say, this arc is so well executed, it has very, very few flaws.

Full auto minions. Holy crap! If it's just a couple, it doesn't seem to be a big deal, but if I get 3-5 on me, my HP just starts to melt, and since I don't have a self heal, I start popping insps. Then again, I'm not sure this is a bad thing, challenging isn't bad, and in fact, this may be an intentional design decision (in which case, more power to you), but I felt the need to point that out.

In the mission to take out the fuel pumps, the opening pop-up mentions workers, but they are nowhere to be seen. I think it would be nice to add some, but then again, this might be impossible. Not only do you have to keep them from attacking both you and the enemy, which is probably impossible, but you would probably need to make a throwaway custom with no powers to do it.. and you probably don't have the room. It's not a major deal, and I figured the Lt. Commander's Gang War might be intended to represent this, but it is something I noticed and wanted to point out. Not really a flaw, just something I noticed.

Now, some logic flaws. Maybe they aren't flaws, maybe it's just something the player isn't privy to, but I didn't even notice at first until I started thinking about what's going on in this universe you created.

Why did Earth only send one ship (even a big ship) to invade an entire planet? I figure if you want to invade a planet, you send a fleet, just in case. No matter how big that ship is, you should never underestimate the resourcefulness of colonists who have eked out an existence and made an independent nation out of an inhospitable planet, no matter how superior your technology is. The more targets you provide them, the better. With just two, you could have hit Phobos and Deimos simultaneously, crippling Mars instantly, and then they could have instantly ganged up on the Vallus and just blown it out of the sky without any trouble.

Likewise, there is mention of a Martian fleet. Where the heck is it? It would seem that there is some diplomatic tension between Earth and Mars, and even if there isn't, it stands to reason that the Martians may not totally trust Earth. There seems to be an implied history of tension or hostility. If this is the case, why is only one ship in orbit of Mars? There should be at least a few ships there. It doesn't seem like a sound military decision for the entire Martian fleet to be out of range. There needs to be a good reason for this, maybe there is one that I'm not aware of, like a response to another attack, but there doesn't seem to be any implication of this.

Also, you are boarding via boarding torpedoes. That's fine, makes sense.. except you are doing it from out of weapons range. So what makes these torpedoes different? Is weapons range the maximum distance a weapon can reach, or is it the maximum effective distance?

If it's the former, why can they get there in these torpedoes while the Wellington can't fire on the Vallus? Likewise, what's preventing the Wellington from doing the same and sending boarding parties to the Ares Vallus?

If it's the latter, and you cannot count on accuracy at that range, how are they hitting the Wellington? I am given the impression the Wellington is large and slow moving but if it's outside effective weapons range, even a behemoth should be able to make a slight course correction as an evasive maneuver.

Then again, maximum effective range could also mean that the Wellington would see these torpedoes coming "a mile away", and would have the ability to plot their trajectories. I assume this tactic (launching boarding torpedoes) has been used before, so the Wellington, as the lone ship invading an entire planet, should be prepared for this kind of assault. I would assume that, being able to plot their trajectories, the Wellington would be able to scramble fighters or use point defense weaponry to blow them out of space before they even reached the shields.

EDIT: One more thing. If we just breached the hull boarding this thing, why is there atmosphere? Might want to mention in the pop-up, or maybe in a patrol why there's atmosphere in here.

These are pretty minor though, and I wouldn't have noticeed had I not given it serious thought.

This is overall, an extremely well constructed arc and a well told story, so if you don't wanna bother addressing these issues, then don't.


End spoilers.

This is pretty much a must play guys. 5 out of 5, have fun, and kick some Terran rear, Marine!

I'll give you "The Descender" Arc ID: 339222. Be as spoilerific as you want, as the biggest spoiler of the arc is at the end of the second mission.

And i'll be right back with a play of one of your arcs!