[ QUOTE ]
Police were astonished today to find the severed bodies of many local citizens and even more astounded to find the killer nowhere in sight or in the immediate vacinity.
[/ QUOTE ]
So they expect a killer to hang around, and point out "Hey, I did that!"
[ QUOTE ]
The murders have been confined to the Galaxy city area,and locals have being quoted on mentioning a woman who calls herself "Dancing With Swords"
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm sure the locals can be quotes on mentionin a woman who calls herself Grav-Mistress, or Fluffy Kitten for that matter... it does not say how this relates.
ie. did they notice her acting creepy aound the time and in the vacinity of the murders?
[ QUOTE ]
,we'll keep you updated as soon as news comes throught to us.
[/ QUOTE ]
This sounds to me more like it belongs in a TV news report, rather than an article in the news paper.
@ShadowGhost & @Ghostie
The Grav Mistress, Mistress of Gravity
If you have nothing useful to say, you have two choices: Say something useless or stay quiet.
[ QUOTE ]
Police were astonished today to find the severed bodies of many local citizens and even more astounded to find the killer nowhere in sight or in the immediate vacinity.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, I second what Shadowghost said. How many crime scenes have you heard of where the perpetrator hung around waiting to get caught?
Also, you mention the bodies were severed. Severed from what? A severed head is a head that has been cut away from the body. To sever something, it has to be attached to something else first. You don't sever whole bodies, you sever parts of things, or that which joins one thing to another. For example, you might sever a rope which is tying someone's hands together. If you're trying to say that the bodies were cut apart, then the word you're looking for is dismembered.
[ QUOTE ]
The murders have been confined to the Galaxy city area,and locals have being quoted on mentioning a woman who calls herself "Dancing With Swords"
[/ QUOTE ]
To add another point, this woman, whom you obviously intend to set up as the killer, is smart enough to avoid the police AND apparently leave no evidence of herself behind, yet she stops and makes smalltalk with random citizens, including identifying herself? That doesn't make a lot of sense, unless you're trying to set this woman up so that she can be recognised when she arrived at GG, which is, of course, pointless, since the only way any character could know her name is if she walked up and introduced herself. And if she did that, after this story was published in the Times, she's unbelievably stupid.
[ QUOTE ]
And if she did that, after this story was published in the Times, she's unbelievably stupid.
[/ QUOTE ]
Crow's met her, she is unbelievably stupid.
If she turns up at GG again while Crow is here, I'll be taking this post at face value and arresting her on the spot. If she resists, she'll find out just how effective a level 42 (well maintained) katana is against a midget like herself.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
[ QUOTE ]
If she turns up at GG again while Crow is here, I'll be taking this post at face value and arresting her on the spot. If she resists, she'll find out just how effective a level 42 (well maintained) katana is against a midget like herself.
[/ QUOTE ]
Could you delay it long enough for Grav to conjure up some popcorn? 
@FloatingFatMan
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Grav's fast, shouldn't be much of a delay. 
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
[ QUOTE ]
Grav's fast, shouldn't be much of a delay.
[/ QUOTE ]
And so's Crow... can't imagine there'll be a long show :/
@ShadowGhost & @Ghostie
The Grav Mistress, Mistress of Gravity
If you have nothing useful to say, you have two choices: Say something useless or stay quiet.
Thanks for your comments guys,not asked for but appreciated.My apologies sincerely if its not up to standard.
And shes not unbelieveably stupid,if thats what you saw,rather crazy more like.
now maybe this wasn;t up to your standard of the perfect post,and maybe i'm overreacting,but was there any need to dig at
a) my writing skills and
b)my characters intelligence.
now this wasnt meant to win best post of the year,it was however meant to advertise something i had hoped to bring to Galaxy Girl,and it astounds me that intelligent people such as yourselves cannot even wait to see what was happening before being so judgemental.
Next time,either be a little less critical with your replies,or keep your comments to yourself,as i dont recall asking for them in the first place.
Once again i'm sorry if i wasted your time with my not good enough posts,and i sincerely apologise if i am exaggerating.
If you don't want people to comment, then don't make public posts, simple as that.
Your reply to our comments is defensive and indicates that you are completely unwilling to take on board any form of criticism. You could easily have assured us that you had something planned. I, personally, know nothing of any plots you've run previously, other than the fact that you have often "killed off" your character, so I don't know what to expect, and can only judge based on what you present.
Rather than attack us or our comments, why not ask how your plot and writing can be improved? It takes a lot more strength and guts to stand up and say "okay, how can I do better?" than it does to react in the manner you did.
As purely objective criticism, your villain comes across, given her past behaviour and the information in this post, as psychotic, irresponsible, not intelligent, and not a threat. Any hero paying even the smallest amount of attention will spot and arrest her if she shows up at GG.
We offered our opinions based on what you presented to us. You responded with a tantrum. Next time, I probably won't bother with your post, your plot, or your characters, since you obviously only want a certain kind of response, and an honest one isn't it.
[ QUOTE ]
other than the fact that you have often "killed off" your character,
[/ QUOTE ]
All i see from this is that you hold a grudge for something that happened in the past,witch i believe is nothing short of childish
[ QUOTE ]
Rather than attack us or our comments, why not ask how your plot and writing can be improved? It takes a lot more strength and guts to stand up and say "okay, how can I do better?" than it does to react in the manner you did.
[/ QUOTE ]
perhaps it didnt occur to you i would have done just that if you hadnt replied in that way,the fact that you made a puplic post insulting my writing and implying it needs to be better...or even,dare i say it "as good as yours". Was quite upsetting in a way,as i used to respect you as a person and roleplayer.
[ QUOTE ]
Next time, I probably won't bother with your post, your plot, or your characters
[/ QUOTE ]
i sincerely hope not,good day to you.
Okay, let's stop this right here.
Some of you were rather harsh in your responses. That doesn't, however, justify turning this into a flame war.
Not everyone is a skilled or experienced writer. In my personal opinion, this should not preclude them from taking part in roleplaying, either in-game or on these boards.
I fully appreciate that not everyone regards tolerance as a virtue, and that it appears that there may be some past history here. Nonetheless, if I were a new gamer coming to this board, this thread would put me off even trying to roleplay in City of Heroes or Villains. Everyone, please try to think about the impact that your posts may have on others - especially newcomers - before you make them.
Thanks.
to give some back ground.
this is not the first plot Volcanos has started like this, he tends to push a bit hard with his plots and can get a little over damatic with how he introduces them (this is from personal experance mind, he got my first Rp char invovled with a plot and managed to get her gone in about two weeks, though i perhaps could have played it better)
so (as you will probally know) he has made other posts and simalar advice had been given then, and it does seem like he has ignored it, so perhaps people felt they needed to be blunter.
i also agree that it has also gotton way to harsh, paricually the last few posts, yes he way over does things, but perhaps slapping him down is not the best way to communicate this.
we're all vague aquatances here, can we get along? 
[ QUOTE ]
Not everyone is a skilled or experienced writer. In my personal opinion, this should not preclude them from taking part in roleplaying, either in-game or on these boards.
I fully appreciate that not everyone regards tolerance as a virtue, and that it appears that there may be some past history here.
[/ QUOTE ]
I wasn't going to comment further, however, I noticed the section above and for the sake of a novice roleplayer looking to learn form this...
The character Dancing with Swords introduced herself to my character by stuffing her face into his and shouting "Boo!" Fair enough. She proceded to boast about stabbing someone with her katana, licked blood off the blade of it, announced she wouldn't clean the sword since red was her favourite colour, and attempted to act like an insane person trying to intimidate everyone present. Considering she was trying to do this to two powerful magicians and a Peacebringer, it just confirmed she was insane.
I think we were really tolerant. I don't know Volcanos or his characters, I have no past history with them that I'm aware of. However, the 'article' above fills in all the gaps required to identify Dancing with Swords as a criminal who needs to be locked up for her own and everyone else's safety. Frankly, if there were open PvP throughout the game (which I'll remind you I would never want), DwS would have been taken out, subdued and delivered to the Zig psychiactric wing on the first night.
Creating plots like this does require inspiration, planning, and careful thought. It isn't easy. The really obvious plots (e.g. psychos, uber-villains trying to take over the world) don't work well because, frankly, there's always a really big supply of pretty hard heroes available to swat such things. Psycho hero types don't work well with the environment either. You also have to be sure that your plot can survive being worked on by a dozen fevered brains who may do things you were really not expecting. That is very difficult to achieve.
And beyond that, GG is as much a social gathering of heroes as it is a place where action happens. If you deliver up plots where some madwoman is wandering around stabbing up the populace, the locals will really not like it and react badly. If there's one thing heroes can be guaranteed to over-react to, it's the sudden arrival of someone who happily tells people that they enjoy killing people.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
To step into the fray here:
Characters such as the one in the first post do not work well. Why? Because they get arrested. Fast. If a crazy woman was licking blood off a sword and boasting of killing someone in real life, the Police would have either talked her down and arrested her to be sent to a psychiatric ward, or gunned her down. In Paragon City, she was doing this in front of heroes, who could easily subdue and send her away to get the help she obviously needs.
The problem is, we can't.
This Dances with Swords woman could walk up to one of my characters with her sword dripping in blood and act crazy. Unless the person playing that character is willing to accept that they're going to be subdued by a hero pretty much straight off (Example, if Dances with Swords came up to Fusebox, Fuse would shock her into unconciousness or create a telsa cage around her while calling for the authorties.). Otherwise, if heroes try to take action and the said character ignores it, people do become annoyed and fustrated. Oh look, a crazy woman with a sword dripping blood and talking about killing people is dancing around in front of us and we can't do jack because the player their end won't allow it. It tends to lead to said player being ignored on that occasion, and a shortness of temper with the player on further occasions. IE: Oh, he/she played that character last time, I won't bother getting involved because I can't do anything the person doesn't want to happen.
I'll apologise for the manner in which I made my initial critique. I was, admittedly, very harsh. I would not behave in such a way towards a novice roleplayer, or someone who was new to roleplaying at GG. My comments were not intended as an attack, rather to point out areas that could be improved. I don't believe anyone can learn unless the mistakes they make are pointed out.
Other than that, all I have to say for the time being is that I agree with the posts made by Ravenswing and Zortel.
Were the OPs article posted in the Creative forum then critiques of his work are to be expected, but this is the roleplaying forum and imho subject to different unwritten rules.
True, the OPs post could have been a bit more thought out, but so what? He got his point across, there's a dangerous killer on the loose and the players have a name to work with. The dice have been rolled and that's all that matters.
And as for the police being surprised by not finding the culprit at the scene, consider the Paragon police department's approach to crime fighting which primarily consists of either ignoring it or running away in a blind panic 
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
[ QUOTE ]
And as for the police being surprised by not finding the culprit at the scene, consider the Paragon police department's approach to crime fighting which primarily consists of either ignoring it or running away in a blind panic
[/ QUOTE ]
One of the problems I have with how Paragon City is presented, in an IC sense. I'd rather interpret it that the police force is over-worked and both underfunded and understaffed with the efforts to rebuild the city and the amount of money that goes into maintaining specific key areas and the hero program rather than accepting that trained police officers suffer from handbag-snatching... 
[ QUOTE ]
Were the OPs article posted in the Creative forum then critiques of his work are to be expected, but this is the roleplaying forum and imho subject to different unwritten rules.
[/ QUOTE ]
Plot needs to be put over clearly and carefully. The post was logically inconsitant and badly written, which means it doesn't do its job.
[ QUOTE ]
He got his point across, there's a dangerous killer on the loose and the players have a name to work with.
[/ QUOTE ]
You sure? I can guarantee that any planned plot would run to five minutes of IC roleplay and thirty or so minutes of OOC argument over how we couldn't just arrest his key plot NPC.
Zortel has a character, created for a plot, which is an ex-Council Vampyri. His name is Walsers. He turned up at GG and nearly got lynched. He didn't because he was a bit odd (he sings 'You are my Sunshine' a lot) and he didn't wander around on the first day explaining how he had just come from draining a victim of blood. I think if Walsers had turned up with blood dripping of his fangs, licking his lips, he'd be in the Zig, or in bits.
DwS got the benefit of the doubt first time around, partially because there wasn't a lot we could do. Partially because it's polite. Creating a 'news report' which basically says "you know that girl who acted weird at GG, well, she's a psycho who dismembers people," isn't going to get her a second chance.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The murders have been confined to the Galaxy city area,and locals have being quoted on mentioning a woman who calls herself "Dancing With Swords"
[/ QUOTE ]
To add another point, this woman, whom you obviously intend to set up as the killer, is smart enough to avoid the police AND apparently leave no evidence of herself behind ...
[/ QUOTE ]
Why is it obvious she's intended to be the killer, as opposed to being (perhaps wrongfully) suspected of being the killer?
Heck, Spiderman wouldn't have lasted five minutes with you lot. You'd have been after him after every issue of the Daily Bugle. 
[ QUOTE ]
Heck, Spiderman wouldn't have lasted five minutes with you lot. You'd have been after him after every issue of the Daily Bugle.
[/ QUOTE ]
And that is exactly what happens in so many Spiderman comics.....
@Unthing ... Mostly on Union.
Well, to be fair We'd go after Spidey, meet him, go 'Wait a minute, your not like the papers say... theres been a horrible mis-understanding, how about a cuppa?"
And then he'd go on about how Super-Reflexes are pretty lame and he wished he'd gone for regen instead. :P
[ QUOTE ]
Plot needs to be put over clearly and carefully. The post was logically inconsitant and badly written, which means it doesn't do its job.
[/ QUOTE ]
And here was me thinking that the players job was to work out what the plot was rather than have it explained to them from the getgo.
How how do you know it wasn't supposed to look logically inconsistant.
And yes it was badly written, but that notwithstanding it might have helped to ask questions before critiquing the piece.
[ QUOTE ]
You sure? I can guarantee that any planned plot would run to five minutes of IC roleplay and thirty or so minutes of OOC argument over how we couldn't just arrest his key plot NPC.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm not familiar with IC roleplaying but how do you know it wasn't a setup?
[ QUOTE ]
"you know that girl who acted weird at GG, well, she's a psycho who dismembers people," isn't going to get her a second chance.
[/ QUOTE ]
OK I'm lost but that's OK. The point remains, this forum isn't for writing critiques imho. It would have been better to state an interpretation of the OPs post and ask if this was what he intended.
Some people on here are only 12 years old. We can't expect to be literary masters and I tend to err on the forgiving side. Whilst none of this is directed at any one in particular I just felt the OP was came down upon rather harshly.
Just my tuppneyworth gov'nor
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
Right,i want very much to get this cleared up,so on my behalf i'm making a completely non-sracastic apology,at part i was to blame and i accept that,i felt the comments were harsh,you didn't but i don't want to feel like i'm not welcome to roleplay here anymore,if this is the case,please tell me and i shall stop and go away
i think you just need to be a little more stublte, and you know me, i am willing to go with ideas but you can go a little fast for alot of people, and be a little melodamatic, but your by no mean a troll, am will to help mate, but perhaps you need to slow the pace of things.
Okay, trying to be objective here...
Volcanos, so far, the whole history with Leo, suggests that this plot is set up exactly the same way, and is already giving away the main clue, thus the end of your plot.
I myself have just started a plot, with the help of Ravenswing and Zortel, it is slow in starting off, with only a tv news report and what one of my characters have said. Whether or not any of the assumptions so far are correct, is up to the people who wish to get involved to discover.
I try and keep the mystery up till the end (even when I know I am far too lose-lipped for my own good, no Wordy, back off, no more info for you unless it's been censored by RW. ), that is what makes people get involved, make them curious. Only then will you find that people will get interested and start going for your plots. But as been suggested, all evidence so far states that you are perhaps a bit melo-dramatic and a bit fast.
If you need pointers, ask, that's what we're there for and on number of occasions I myself have aided people with writing/plots and other such delights. I may not always have time, but if/when I do, I am more then willing to listen and help, but it does mean you need to be open for criticism.
Police were astonished today to find the severed bodies of many local citizens and even more astounded to find the killer nowhere in sight or in the immediate vacinity.
The murders have been confined to the Galaxy city area,and locals have being quoted on mentioning a woman who calls herself "Dancing With Swords",we'll keep you updated as soon as news comes throught to us.