i just put in the gravity bosses because they had decieve before, and with the final boss and his confuse it was too much. but you do feel like a stone tank for a little while... i even talk in slow motion... 
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Short Version: While a bit confusing at times I love this arc. 5 Stars.
Long Version:
This arc attempts to take a different approach to the AE and puts you in an experimental Dream Therapy. Played from a level 50 perspective there is a great progression of difficulty as if unlocking each aspect of your persona opens up your subconscious and allows you to use more of your strength.
Each personality trait is unique and quite good. I found that my secret shame being a School Girl to be a bit dark but I think it added much to the story.
The one gripe I had was with "The Door" at the end. Being in my own mind I have to wonder how he would have known so much or been able to reference other peoples therapy.
Overall I loved this arc and think you did a great job with it.
yes, secret shame is a bit dark. but it is dark regardless of whether you are male or female. she does not necessarily have to be an accurate representation of a "real world" person. she is the personification of a burning, shameful memory. i guess she could have been entirely different, but i like her this way.
excellent point! i would have several possible answers... one, he is throwing your own doubts back at you, and furthering them logically to weaken you. or he is he is picking up psychic emanations from the therapist and using them against you, thereby undermining him. or the door is tapping into the collective unconscious and drawing material from there that he can use against you. i had not considered it too deeply, before.
thank you for playing and the feedback. you are next on my list BTW...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I didn't expect much out of the mission Arc, but boy was I surprised. This turned out to be, as I PM'd, the best MA Arc I've run yet. I ran it solo on my 45 ice/EM blaster on diff 2 and really didn't have any trouble completing it. A had a few deaths, but those I believe were strictly playstyle errors (and missing those beastly silent ambushes from the Nightmares).
The allies do help the solo squishie quite a lot, being as I had Steel You Lack tank most of the bosses while I wiped out the surrounding mobs, and then joined back in for the kill. I had some trouble with Secret Shame but, again, I think that was playstyle problems and nothing in the design. I actually did remarkably well with the AV at the end (who scaled to an EB for me), although I was chewing up insps moving through the various groups in the final room. But, WTF, it's the final battle in the final mish, you might as well pop everything you can, right?
The storyline was quite good and although The Door hints at it, I'm quite glad that there wasn't an eleventh hour Face Heel Turn in the therapist. And to address the above comment on how The Door knew about the other patients, the Therapist tells you in his initial contact that there have been other heroes who have undergone the therapy. I took the Door's comments as the subconscious doubt and mistrust in surrendering to the therapeutic process. I mean, how many times have our characters seen mad scientists take advantage of their patients/subjects? I think it worked out pretty well.
Yes, there were a lot of glowies, but they were never mandatory, and I think served to continue to immerse the player into the mindscape of the dreamworld. My favorite was probably the memory of the First Car Accident in the final mish. The whole thing was very bittersweet with an overall sense of primal unease that comes with sifting through one's psyche. By coincidence, the toon I ran this arc on is having lots of coping problems in her plotline, so this was completely awesome to tie into it.
Also, great choice of maps -- I'm a redsider by habit, so a lot of the maps had never been seen before. The whole atmosphere had a vaguely Silent Hill effect - at least portions of that game before the PC would enter the shadow worlds. Desolate and foreboding, sinister while being necessary to traverse.
Anyway, as I gushed over the in game tell, I fully plan on recommending the arc to all my SGs/VGs. 5 stars, completely earned and deserved, wish I had 6 to give ya.
"...his madness keeps him sane.": My Profile on VirtueVerse
Can You WIN the Internet? MA Arc #85544
Inhuman Resources - At Work with IE #298132
Task Force Mutternacht #349522 <-- 1st AE Challenge
thank you, twelth, for your ringing endorsement. your play and your feedback are greatly appreciated. i will gladly reciprocate and play your arc. if i do so, would you care for a review and feedback or just a play and an in-game /tell feedback? if you want something more in-depth i can either post it on my review thread or PM you. let me know...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Well, a note in the thread would be welcome for certain. If you don't find enough to comment on, a tell would be just fine too.
d ^_^ b
"...his madness keeps him sane.": My Profile on VirtueVerse
Can You WIN the Internet? MA Arc #85544
Inhuman Resources - At Work with IE #298132
Task Force Mutternacht #349522 <-- 1st AE Challenge
Here's my review. I've essentially broken it down section by section and typed up these notes as I went. As a disclaimer, I may seem overcritical, or nitpicky about certain details. Just be aware that a lot of what I'm saying is what I would do, which isn't to say that I think it's "wrong" as it is; most of the little things didn't affect my overall rating. I made a lot of notes on punctuation that I feel would make the text read more smoothly, but overall I think it reads pretty well, so I don't think it's crucial that you go in and fix every little comma and period if you'd rather just focus on the bigger stuff.
So, that said, on with the review:
[u]Therapy Session 1[u]
Sendoff
Change "countdown" to "count down"
I'd tone down the green text a bit. Coloring text is a good way to highlight key points, but when long passages of text are colored, it kind of defeats the purpose.
Are the parentheticals during the countdown spoken by the Therapist or simply telling me what's happening? I'm guessing it's the latter, in which case I would give it a different color rather than using parentheses (I'm partial to Sky Blue for that sort of thing, myself).
This may be subjective, but I would spell out any numbers when presented as spoken dialogue; use "ten" instead of 10, etc. To me, when numbers are spelled out it reads more like a person is speaking and less like I'm reading a list.
Intro Popup
Interesting choice to put the introductory popups in the first person. It seems to work rather well.
Mission
TrollVahzilok Battle: I'd change "those guys" to either $name or $himher; when I'm soloing this (which most people would be, especially with a story like this), it doesn't make much sense to be referred to in the plural.
The Therapist: "Ok" should be "OK" or "Okay", followed by a comma. I'd also contract "it is" to "it's."
The Steel you Lack: I'd capitalize "You" in his name. Also consider adding some dialogue to the encounter. Maybe give the Outcasts a line. I realize that the ally himself is supposed to be silent, but it may help to drive the point home by having him say "...", rather than leave the player to think maybe you just didn't bother giving him any lines.
Also, the only attack I saw him use was his Throwing Blade, once. Generally, he would just run up to an enemy and stare at them. Not your fault; there seems to be a bug with melee-oriented custom allies. Just something to be aware of.
The Librarian: Nice look, good choice of power sets. No complaints here.
Debriefing
The first sentence, "Well, that was certainly interesting and successful for the first attempt," seems a little odd to me. I think it's because "interesting" and "successful" seem to be conjoined when, at least in my mind, the two words don't really have any relation to one another in this context. A comma after "interesting" might be enough to break them up so it's clear the therapist is expressing two different thoughts. You could also try a ellipses ("Well, that was certainly interesting... and successful for the first attempt"), or breaking it into two sentences ("Well, that was certainly interesting. And successful for the first attempt.")
Comma after "He may not say much."
[u]Therapy Session 2[u]
Introduction
Commas after:
"there you are"
"your subconscious"
I'm noticing the Therapist doesn't use many contractions. Is this deliberate?
Sendoff
Remove the comma from "Now that you are familiar with the process, because of your first..."; it creates some ambiguity as to whether the "because" relates to the first part of the sentence or the last.
Comma after "your own mind"
Change the commas after "side issue" and "your own mind, though" to semicolons or periods.
Same notes as above with green text and numbers.
Intro Popup
Probably wanna contract "I am" to "I'm."
Mission
Broken Friendships/Promises: Remove the pural "s"'s; remember that the player can see glowie names in their target tray, and I assume one corpse represents one friendship or promise.
Add an exclamation point to the interrupt text for friendships.I'd also lengthen the activation time for both, to give the impression of contemplation. As it is, it feels like I'm jumping to these conclusions awfully fast! If you're worried about it becoming too tedious, you could reduce the number of glowies (May not be a bad idea in and of itself, actually; just how many promises have I broken, anyway? It's a wonder anyone likes me at all!)
Why do the objects disappear after I click on them? The friendships and promises are still broken, and there's nothing in the text to suggest my contemplations have allowed me to forgive myself or forget about them. Quite the contrary, in fact.
I do like the symbolism involved. While of course you want to avoid assuming too much about the character's history, it would be nice to see something a little more descriptive than "You can only conclude that it was your fault..." Maybe something like "You conclude that you were never there enough for your friend." If the player has already forgiven you for inserting a scary librarian in their past, this doesn't seem like too much of a stretch.
The Therapist: Have him say something when I come back after losing him so I know he's following me again.
The Steel you Lack:
Change captured animation; the default seems rather out of character.
Vanity:
Change the question mark after "You must be joking" to an exclamation point.
Debriefing
I'd drop the "or their ego" clause in the first sentence. In psychology the "ego" is the part of you that mediates between the superego and the id; it has nothing to do with vanity.
[u]Therapy Session 3[u]
Introduction and Sendoff
You can probably do without the "Yes?" in the first paragraph. Ditto in the last paragraph before the countdown on the sendoff.
Intro Popup
Second person now? If you're gonna put one of these in the first person, I'd fully commit to it and make them all that way.
Lost Memory: Again, I like the symbolism. However, it'd be nice if we were offered some clue as to what the lost memory was. I'd say leave it vague enough to be open to interpretation to allow for differing character backgrounds, but there should be it should at least provide a general shape that I can fill. Maybe something like "You recover a forgotten memory about a hated childhood bully." Not too much detail, general enough that it could apply to anyone. Worded thusly, the bully could even have been the character himself. Obviously, this would mean you'd have to make each Lost Memory unique.
Repressed Memory: I like the variation on the generic "hapless citizen" text in the description. Again, same note as with Lost Memory, however; a little hint in dialogue would go a long way.
Vanity: Her description is no longer appropriate in this mission (Same may be said of the Librarian in the previous one). You should change it to reflect the fact that she's now my ally, rather than an obstacle to be surmounted.
Your Secret Shame: Remember to enter the navigation text for this.
Interestingly enough, I don't feel like any extra is needed for this one. Maybe because as the "main boss" and the ultimate focus of the mission, it should be something uniquely personal to the character, so any clarification at all would detract from that uniqueness. I think the appearance of the EB is enough to provide a vague hint as to the nature of my secret shame. In my case, it also helps that she looks a bit like a pre-teen version of my character.
Debriefing
Gah! I mapserved just as I clicked the contact and din't get his debriefing. Oh well, onto the next mission...
[u]Therapy Session 4[u]
Introduction
Replace comma after "This is your own mind" with a semicolon.
This is more of an observation than anything else, but I find it interesting that the Therapist is encouraging me to explore my subconscious. It's generally considered that things go in your subconscious when they're too traumatic or disturbing to be consciously aware of and still be mentally healthy, so delving into your own subconscious could theoretically drive you insane. Hmmm... I think I just got an idea for a new villain. Anyway, that said, I don't know if there's anything in the text that should be changed based on that; just something that sort of popped in my head.
Mission
Love both the destructable negative memories and the collectible positive memories. It's like you somehow took my advice about the memories in the last mission and implemented it here! There's also something I really like about the idea of going into my own mind and violently obliterating all my unpleasant memories. Since the idea is to preserve the postivie memories, however, I would have them not disappear after being clicked.
Random Encounters: Just noticed this faction name. I'd change it to something a little more immersive. Something like "Dream Fragments", except less lame.
The Door
Turned out to be surprisingly challenging, even as an EB, and even with my own EB fighting beside me. Which made finally defeating him all the more satisfying.
Debriefing
"you" to "your" in "aspects of you mind"
[u]Final Thoughts[u]
Very well-written arc; I enjoyed the concept, symbolism and the "dream" quality of the missions very much. Great costume design on custom NPCs throughout. All in all, this is a quality piece of work!
I rated it a 4 out of 5. I think with a little more detail in the places I mentioned, the arc could easily be a five-star story arc.
[ QUOTE ]
The Steel you Lack: I'd capitalize "You" in his name. Also consider adding some dialogue to the encounter. Maybe give the Outcasts a line. I realize that the ally himself is supposed to be silent, but it may help to drive the point home by having him say "...", rather than leave the player to think maybe you just didn't bother giving him any lines.
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh yeah, this is something I meant to mention in my own review, though for a slightly different reason. If he gets lost or stuck (which seems to happen relatively often in the Abandoned Hospital map in particular), he can't give the usual "Hey, come back and get me" line, so you might not notice his absence for a while.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The Steel you Lack: I'd capitalize "You" in his name. Also consider adding some dialogue to the encounter. Maybe give the Outcasts a line. I realize that the ally himself is supposed to be silent, but it may help to drive the point home by having him say "...", rather than leave the player to think maybe you just didn't bother giving him any lines.
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh yeah, this is something I meant to mention in my own review, though for a slightly different reason. If he gets lost or stuck (which seems to happen relatively often in the Abandoned Hospital map in particular), he can't give the usual "Hey, come back and get me" line, so you might not notice his absence for a while.
[/ QUOTE ]
i know, i know... it has bothered me too. i am literally bumping up at 100.00% memory and so if i add even little ...'s i will go over unless i remove stuff from elsewhere. i am really really really tempted to remove the custom group, little dream people, there is only one minion, LT, and boss in that group and if i took them out it would free a lot of detail space. the little nightmares would remain. i am not sure... i am thinking as i run through that i encounter them so infrequently that most people probably would not notice the difference. this is why i have not been able to incorporate many changes lately. it is too jammed packed with stuff already. what is your opinion about getting rid of the custom group? i will keep the little nightmares and the random encounter, or some variant, but ditch the little dream people... i am looking for feedback with that idea...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
thank you for your detailed analysis of hero therapy, 
, it is alway greatly appreciated when someone takes this amount of time to write their thoughts out. i know it takes me a while...
before i address certain bits of your commentary and feedback, i will point to you the post i made just prior to this one, where i talk about lack of memory. i am bumping up at 100%, which is exactly what it says on the memory bar. i have no room to manuever. thus, in your recent play i ask you opinion as to whether i should remove the one custom group, the little dream people. it consists of on minion, one LT, and one boss. who knows how much space that would free up? i could creat another random group styled off the random encounters and populated with appropriate NPC for the levels. it is my best idea to solving the cieling that i am bumping my fuzzy head into constantly. what do you think?
I'd tone down the green text a bit. Coloring text is a good way to highlight key points, but when long passages of text are colored, it kind of defeats the purpose.
i changed that recently because someone asked for the highlights for people that do not like to read all the long body of text. unfortunately it does not have statements like "kil skuls..." so i found myself highlighting smaller blocks of texts. i am still ambivalent on the color too.
Are the parentheticals during the countdown spoken by the Therapist or simply telling me what's happening? I'm guessing it's the latter, in which case I would give it a different color rather than using parentheses (I'm partial to Sky Blue for that sort of thing, myself). This may be subjective, but I would spell out any numbers when presented as spoken dialogue; use "ten" instead of 10, etc. To me, when numbers are spelled out it reads more like a person is speaking and less like I'm reading a list.
these are both good ideas, i would be willing to incorporate those. but see above question as my answer for now.
TrollVahzilok Battle: I'd change "those guys" to either $name or $himher; when I'm soloing this (which most people would be, especially with a story like this), it doesn't make much sense to be referred to in the plural.
truthfully i had that initially but it was a bug where it said $name instead of the hero name. which was annoying... maybe i will check it again.
I'm noticing the Therapist doesn't use many contractions. Is this deliberate?
hahha never thought of that...
I'd also lengthen the activation time for both, to give the impression of contemplation. As it is, it feels like I'm jumping to these conclusions awfully fast! If you're worried about it becoming too tedious, you could reduce the number of glowies (May not be a bad idea in and of itself, actually; just how many promises have I broken, anyway? It's a wonder anyone likes me at all!)
good point with the timer, i will probably change that. the broken promises, etc, are things that accumulate over a lifetime. some may not seem significant, but they affect you in the same way. that is why i like the number of them. with your sound on, though you may choose to ignore them you will hear their buzzing and know that they are still there.
Why do the objects disappear after I click on them? The friendships and promises are still broken, and there's nothing in the text to suggest my contemplations have allowed me to forgive myself or forget about them. Quite the contrary, in fact.
this is a difficult issue to address. i am thinking psychologically... by interacting with them you are assuming responsibility for them and then releasing them. it could go either way really. but i like the idea that the space becomes clearer.
The Therapist: Have him say something when I come back after losing him so I know he's following me again.
again, i did, but removed that in sacrifice for inserting new text elsewhere.
I'd drop the "or their ego" clause in the first sentence. In psychology the "ego" is the part of you that mediates between the superego and the id; it has nothing to do with vanity.
true, but in modern parlance it is an equivalent idea. there is the technical term and there is the common idea of it... though i should probably not mix it with the therapist.
Lost Memory: Again, I like the symbolism. However, it'd be nice if we were offered some clue as to what the lost memory was. I'd say leave it vague enough to be open to interpretation to allow for differing character backgrounds, but there should be it should at least provide a general shape that I can fill. Maybe something like "You recover a forgotten memory about a hated childhood bully." Not too much detail, general enough that it could apply to anyone. Worded thusly, the bully could even have been the character himself. Obviously, this would mean you'd have to make each Lost Memory unique.
in the fourth mission i get a little more specific with some memories, but people get on me when i get too specific. again, htough i would love more detail, the memory is a problem.
Vanity: Her description is no longer appropriate in this mission (Same may be said of the Librarian in the previous one). You should change it to reflect the fact that she's now my ally, rather than an obstacle to be surmounted.
ah yes, that should be changed. but i put that in her description to save space, and at this time no alternative. are you starting to see a theme to my answers here?
Interestingly enough, I don't feel like any extra is needed for this one. Maybe because as the "main boss" and the ultimate focus of the mission, it should be something uniquely personal to the character, so any clarification at all would detract from that uniqueness. I think the appearance of the EB is enough to provide a vague hint as to the nature of my secret shame. In my case, it also helps that she looks a bit like a pre-teen version of my character.
creating her was interesting. i had the idea and she seemed the most neutral/archetypal character that i could come up with. somehow, anything else would not work as well. maybe i projected a little too much of myself in this...
This is more of an observation than anything else, but I find it interesting that the Therapist is encouraging me to explore my subconscious. It's generally considered that things go in your subconscious when they're too traumatic or disturbing to be consciously aware of and still be mentally healthy, so delving into your own subconscious could theoretically drive you insane. Hmmm... I think I just got an idea for a new villain. Anyway, that said, I don't know if there's anything in the text that should be changed based on that; just something that sort of popped in my head.
i think the delving into the subconcious works here because much of it is purely interactive and a decision made by the player. ultimately this seems to be a solo arc. the player is interacting with his/her mind and can do as much or as little as they please. old school psychotherapy would dive into the element of the subconscious and with the guidance of the therapist confront various aspect. the therapist here seems to belong to a more jungian school of therapy.
Love both the destructable negative memories and the collectible positive memories. It's like you somehow took my advice about the memories in the last mission and implemented it here! There's also something I really like about the idea of going into my own mind and violently obliterating all my unpleasant memories. Since the idea is to preserve the postivie memories, however, I would have them not disappear after being clicked.
good point. i might fix that.
Random Encounters: Just noticed this faction name. I'd change it to something a little more immersive. Something like "Dream Fragments", except less lame.
the random encounters group only appears in the last mission. i wanedt to add patrols in and made the group populated with random elements from the reflections enemy group. i chose them because they have a ghostly aura and also because they are a pretty diverse bunch of high level NPCs. the name comes from old school RPGs, actually i drew it recently from the "order of the stick" comic strip. i am thinking of creating other variations of this group for the lower levels, but i am afraid they will not work as well.
Turned out to be surprisingly challenging, even as an EB, and even with my own EB fighting beside me. Which made finally defeating him all the more satisfying.
i like the door a lot too. i had to tone him down a little in the powersets, but he is a good fight. not too many complaints with battling him. i have recieve more complaints with secret shame, but most from blasters. interestingly enough i get more complaints for the door from scrappers. what archetype did you use? i also like the uncertainty that he uses, in addition to his powers, too. he is probably my favorite creation.
Very well-written arc; I enjoyed the concept, symbolism and the "dream" quality of the missions very much. Great costume design on custom NPCs throughout. All in all, this is a quality piece of work!
this is my favorite one so far. i could always use some fine tuning. i appreciate the help.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Yeah, I had a feeling space constraints probably factored into a lot of what I commented on. I really hope we'll get more space per arc sometimes in the near future; I've had the same problem myself, and it's really frustrating not to be able to completely fulfill your vision.
[ QUOTE ]
truthfully i had that initially but it was a bug where it said $name instead of the hero name. which was annoying... maybe i will check it again.
[/ QUOTE ]
The $name and $himher bug has affected me as well. For some reason, sometimes NPCs just want to say everything the moment you enter the mission rather than waiting for you to get close.
[ QUOTE ]
this is a difficult issue to address. i am thinking psychologically... by interacting with them you are assuming responsibility for them and then releasing them. it could go either way really. but i like the idea that the space becomes clearer.
[/ QUOTE ]
Hmmm.... yeah, I can see what you're going for. I think the problem for me was I got the impression I was just beating myself up over the issue, which would only make it worse. The short activation time might have been part of what led to that, since it didn't allow much time for actual thought, but maybe the text could also be worded differently? Maybe something like, "After some contemplation, you realize and accept that you were in the wrong."
[ QUOTE ]
true, but in modern parlance it is an equivalent idea. there is the technical term and there is the common idea of it... though i should probably not mix it with the therapist.
[/ QUOTE ]
Right, of course I know how it's used in common parlance; I wouldn't have commented on it if anyone other than the Therapist had used it. It just seemed that with his role as a psychoanalyst, coupled with the way he phrased it, he was trying to invoke a technical psychological terminology.
[ QUOTE ]
in the fourth mission i get a little more specific with some memories, but people get on me when i get too specific. again, htough i would love more detail, the memory is a problem.
[/ QUOTE ]
I think the "too specific" or "not specific enough" issue is something where you're never gonna please everyone. True, some of the things the story assumes won't work for all characters. In fact, when I started playing the arc, I was playing a character who came from a mythical tropical paradise where everyone had wings. I met the librarian and said, "Hmmm... that doesn't make much sense." It didn't really bother me, though. I just started over with a character who had a more "traditional" background. I suppose if it had been later in the arc I might've been a little bit miffed.
At any rate, I don't think it's much of a problem if you stick to general themes and events that most modern American adults have dealt with at some point in their lives (while still being unspecific enough to allow room for interpretation by the player). You're bound to step on a few toes, but I think it's better than the alternative of leaving the arc completely bland, with no meaningful details whatsoever.
[ QUOTE ]
i like the door a lot too. i had to tone him down a little in the powersets, but he is a good fight. not too many complaints with battling him. i have recieve more complaints with secret shame, but most from blasters. interestingly enough i get more complaints for the door from scrappers. what archetype did you use? i also like the uncertainty that he uses, in addition to his powers, too. he is probably my favorite creation.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was playing a Blaster (Level 50 Archery/Devices, to be precise). Yeah, I got killed a couple times, and finally had to go back and fill my tray with inspirations. What really gave me trouble were the Nightmare ambushes, particularly in the earlier missions. They pretty much wiped the floor with me the first three or four times. I didn't comment on that because for one, I was playing a Blaster and was a little out of practice with that character, and for another, I wasn't terribly bothered by it. I actually like the way the little buggers come out of nowhere and swarm you like that. On later missions, when I was more in practice and had access to most of my powers, I managed to defeat them without getting killed (while still making for a good fight), which was actually rather cool; it was like I was finally conquering my fears after having struggled with them so much.
Plus, I know all to well how frustrating it can be, trying to balance an encounter to make it universally challenging, but not overwhelmingly difficult. An enemy Character A will mop the floor with without breaking a sweat, Character B will find nearly impossible to defeat. And then with other encounters it may be reversed, where Character B breezes through and Character A hits a brick wall. I think there has to be a point where you just say "I'm happy with the way it is now. If someone else isn't, they can lump it."
(I feel I should mention that, while I may be nearing that point in my own published arcs, I'm not quite there yet, so feel free to comment on difficulty when you play mine!)
On a related note, and I meant to put this in my original review, I love that each mission progressively raises the level cap. Very effective way to show that I was progressing psychologically and coming to terms with myself.
well, here is what i decided to do... i took out the boss custom toon from the little dream people group. as a solo player, you hardly ever saw it. i figured that it would not be missed, though i may change it to a minion and redo its powers since i liked the costume. by doing that i freed up a whole 7%!!! that allows me to go back and a lot more detail and probably more content. i started making changes, but i got distracted and will have to finish later. so all those things that i lamented not being able to do much because i did not have the space i am now returning to and fixing. thank you for all the feedback.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I just went through "Hero Therapy" and throughly enjoyed it!
I only have a couple of nitpicks.
It kept seeming to me that the "Little Dream People" and "Little Nightmares" should hav been called "Inner Demons" due to their design. Take that as you will. It also seemed that it might be appropriate to give some of them fear/mental powers, although I can see how that could be annoying, gameplay-wise.
I especially liked having the Therapist there as an observer. It brought out the feel of things very well and made the whole adventure seem more interactive.
I kind of wish the theme of the people in your mind thinking they were real and not imaginary could have been expanded upon. Perhaps in a sequel? Kind of a Red King sort of thing?
Alternately, you could try to give them dialogue that 'seems reminiscent' of the times you fought them before, or which are spurred off of why they are populating the dark recesses of tyour mind. Things like, "I made you afraid of doctors alll over again!" for the Vahzilok.
It did seem that the scary librarian was a bit specific (not to the point that it bothered me, just that it occurred to me). You might consider making her a bit more generic, such as a 'scary old lady'.
Vanity seemed perfect. Her line about freaks was golden.
And whose Secret Shame isn't a Japanese schoolgirl with a camera? Er, I mean...moving along now...
And The Door was also very good, kind of a 'mysterious unknown/stranger' archetype.
I gave you 5 stars. I can't really think of anything wrong with the arc that doesn't seem extremely subjective. Good work, 'doctor'!
I hereby present your choice of the arcs in my signature for your review.
Story Arcs I created:
Every Rose: (#17702) Villainous vs Legacy Chain. Forget Arachnos, join the CoT!
Cosplay Madness!: (#3643) Neutral vs Custom Foes. Heroes at a pop culture convention!
Kiss Hello Goodbye: (#156389) Heroic vs Custom Foes. Film Noir/Hardboiled detective adventure!
I just went through "Hero Therapy" and throughly enjoyed it!
i am very glad to hear that.
It kept seeming to me that the "Little Dream People" and "Little Nightmares" should hav been called "Inner Demons" due to their design. Take that as you will. It also seemed that it might be appropriate to give some of them fear/mental powers, although I can see how that could be annoying, gameplay-wise.
i had originally had one boss with mental powers, but in the final confrontation with the door, stacking confuses and/or fears was a bit too much, so i removed them. i just gave them random odd powers, for the dreamlike character. the names has been mentioned at other times. it was their original names and i have yet to think of an alternative that i am happy with.
I especially liked having the Therapist there as an observer. It brought out the feel of things very well and made the whole adventure seem more interactive.
i love having the therapist follow you around. i feel kind of guilty leaving him behind sometimes. it cracks me up to think people will run at a disavantage to keep him around, despite his non-participant status. i do it all the time.
I kind of wish the theme of the people in your mind thinking they were real and not imaginary could have been expanded upon. Perhaps in a sequel? Kind of a Red King sort of thing?
that is why there is a lot of self questioning going on with some of the patrols. while others are caught up in the more mundane aspects
Alternately, you could try to give them dialogue that 'seems reminiscent' of the times you fought them before, or which are spurred off of why they are populating the dark recesses of tyour mind. Things like, "I made you afraid of doctors alll over again!" for the Vahzilok.
that is a great idea! i will have to figure how to incorporate something like that...
It did seem that the scary librarian was a bit specific (not to the point that it bothered me, just that it occurred to me). You might consider making her a bit more generic, such as a 'scary old lady'.
there is a fine line between too specific and not specific enough. i just had an image in my head and it was a scary librarian for some reason. i don't know where it came from, but i like her.
Vanity seemed perfect. Her line about freaks was golden.
And whose Secret Shame isn't a Japanese schoolgirl with a camera? Er, I mean...moving along now...
uhhh i won't say anything if you don't...
And The Door was also very good, kind of a 'mysterious unknown/stranger' archetype.
i love the door... he is one of my favorite personal NPCs.
thank you very much for your play and for your feedback. i will get to one of your arcs soon enough and give you feedback on my review thread. not sure which, i will see when i get on.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Yeah, you can imagine my shock that my SR scrapper with quickness was moving at an inch per second due to the gravity powers and the siphon speeds