Mission 1:
[ QUOTE ]
The last line of the intro indicates the 'doctor is in', which means a doctor is on-the-job, or could mean he was in that lab, or surprise that the Doctor was in a lab that he wasn't supposed to be... not sure which it is yet.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, they were not expecting to run into Aeon himself. I don't see how to make it more obvious without ruining the dialog by spelling every little thing out.
[ QUOTE ]
"But I won't require it" at the end of send-off suggests Cobalt is capable of bossing me around. Darn, I thought she might be a chummy villain contact for once.
[/ QUOTE ]
You're the first so far that didn't find her chummy. 
And the full line of dialog is " Take this device and just plug it into the lab computer, just like you would a flash drive. It'll do the rest. Then go and punch Dr. Aeon in the face if you feel like doing so. It'd be nice but I won't require it." She said that it's up to you if you want to fight him, and technically you are paid extra if you do since Aeon will be dropping XP/Inf/Tickets.
As for the dialog of the Nagans, they're not supposed to be very fluent in English to begin with.
Mission 2:
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I don't know how many villains would subscribe to this "be a guinea pig, I don't feel like using robots for that".
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Well you are being paid and can quit at any time. I could try to make it more obvious that she doesn't trust sending a robot, as it would not have the intuitions and decision making abilities of a live person.
[ QUOTE ]
Popup says I return in 15 minutes. Timer says I have 10 minutes.
[/ QUOTE ]
How long were you standing outside the mission after accepting it?
[ QUOTE ]
So either I'm in the Rikti dimension, or I'm in my own dimension in the future, or Rikti have started invading other dimensions
[/ QUOTE ]
Door number 2: You're in a possible near future like the one seen in the Operation: DESTINY arc where you fight Recluse in the future.
Mission 3:
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Okay, so then an errand. A bunch of stuff needs to happen. Okay, I'll go get it. Oh, and Anna will be there? Then why on earth am I going? Probably Anna should not be there. Oh, actually, I'm not stealing it. Perhaps mission description could point out I'm going to Cobalt's base, which explains why Anna is there...
[/ QUOTE ]
Should have been obvious, why else would Cobalt have told you that she'd tell Anna you were coming?
[ QUOTE ]
There's a barrel of "DHMO" - I think that's from the other arc.
[/ QUOTE ]
You fail the Dihydrogen Monoxide joke.
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Or else you could highlight that contact must come from somewhere else, "but where?", since her base lacks and gear for making time travel devices.
[/ QUOTE ]
It's implied that every time you talk to her you're at her lab. This place was just a safehouse where she was keeping some extra supplies.
Mission 4:
[ QUOTE ]
Ubermensch: development -> developments. Described as a juggernaut, perhaps should be Huge body type
[/ QUOTE ]
Juggernaut just refers to being hard to stop, not being big and bulky. Besides, I hate the Huge body type myself.
[ QUOTE ]
Okay, having trouble finding the Backup Generator. I do find a Mainframe objective that apparently isn't ready for me yet. Don't know if you have control over that dialog, it might suggest I need power first. I do find the generator in the end, but the Mainframe is still not ready for me. Need to find access to the network. Ah, another objective has come alive. And then it's the mainframe. Now 4 terminals.
[/ QUOTE ]
I think it's just going to take people a while to get use to the new ability to turn glowies on and off in sequence. I was hoping it would make the mission more interesting and memorable.
[ QUOTE ]
So, my contact acknowledges my conclusions. So the remains were her mother's - she's astonishingly uninterested in that fact. Instead, she gets an idea. If the contact is meant to be this ruthless, it might have been foreshadowed in her earlier dialog too.
But nonetheless she wants me to rescue her mother anyway. Yay? Complicated girl. Doesn't really make sense, and I'm less likely to be sympathetic.
[/ QUOTE ]
I think you missed an important line: "This whole project has been to find a way to get her out of there as well."
Mission 5:
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Anyway, I'm off to rescue a mom who has the resources to blow up a building. At least I'm getting paid for sure this time.
[/ QUOTE ]
You've been paid for every single thing you've done so far.
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I cop some abuse from Mom when she gets left behind. It makes it more practical to feed her to a patrol I'd overlooked. The Shocktroopers were fairly efficient, if drab in their execution.
11:54pm: Failed. Return to contact.
I got my money. Cool.
I hope my decision at the end there didn't ruin the story as you'd intended.
[/ QUOTE ]
Actually you went right for the "bad ending". As such you only saw half of the final mission and missed a lot of details. I wish I could have given you a different souvenir to reflect it.
You raise a lot of good points but you also bring up some maddening ones, as they seem to be complaints over missing details that were provided but you somehow didn't see. You point out a lot of errors in dialog, but at the same time miss lines that already answer many of the questions you asked.
Lazarus,
I hope you'll look back over my comments again, since I stuck in a late edit. Which was perhaps part of the "good ending" I missed, oh well 
I'll stick this one in my todo list, the alternate ending sounds interesting.
[ QUOTE ]
...complaints over missing details that were provided but you somehow didn't see...
[/ QUOTE ]
This can happen. Arcs are not as linear as books, so details may be read out of order. I provided my experience as it happened. Playing arcs can also involve distractions, such as combat, computer glitches, pets...
I was not distracted. I read everything written on my screen. Revisit my review with an open mind; if you still feel my concerns won't impact anyone else, ignore them. I missed your DHMO joke. I may be the only one. Your call.
"The doctor is in" is red text, thus the focus on it alone.
Anna could be an ally sent along with me on a mission to anywhere.
I saw the Contact's plot reveal, rescue the mother. I still feel she could show some concern at the remains I brought back, rather than smoothly going on to her idea.
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You're paid, and you can quit at any time
[/ QUOTE ]
If you mean Inf and XP, I would get more from a farm. I'm looking for another chapter in my toon's story. Hence my selfish request for motivators.
Cheers, airhead
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!
Changes made to "Of Futures Past":
* Addressed most of the typos.
* Changed the glowie order slightly in mission 4.
* Gave the Ubermensch boss in mission 4 more dialog.
* Made a few plot points more obvious.
[ QUOTE ]
I saw the Contact's plot reveal, rescue the mother. I still feel she could show some concern at the remains I brought back, rather than smoothly going on to her idea.
[/ QUOTE ]
Cobalt's a Cloud Cuckoolander, as her dialog and actions should imply. Besides, the remains show that her mother never left the bunker, which is why she immediately gets and idea of what time to reset the portal to. You're just not seeing all of her thought processes being displayed in the open.
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If you mean Inf and XP, I would get more from a farm. I'm looking for another chapter in my toon's story. Hence my selfish request for motivators.
[/ QUOTE ]
And like I said to someone else who brought up a similar complaint in "The Portal Bandits", I don't know what motivates your character and if I write your motivations for you then I get people complaining about me doing just that. It's up to you to decide why you're doing this. Why did you answer the ad in the first place? Are you here just for the money or is it out of curiosity as well? I'm just trying to make a fun arc along the style of Vernon von Grun, it's up to you to decide why you keep doing the missions.
Ah, good tvtrope, I understand what you're shooting for now with the Contact. It's there, but I missed it. Probably just me (or you could ham it up more with a brief tangent in the dialog of an earlier mission send-off...).
Regarding motivation, I played because I saw opportunity in the Arc Description. Otherworldly people, time travel, other dimensions - untold sources of power! While it's kept generalized, I think this works fine. I'd be happy just to pick up a few knick-knacks of my own along the way. Sure, they might lead to patents, or murder and mayhem, or riches, or some other specific motivation - but you'd be right to stop short of that.
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!
Well there were a lot of extra crates in mission 3, since you could already blame the ransacking on the PPD whose to say that you didn't keep some of whatever was in them?
Hey, I just played your latest arc. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. :-) The story made sense from the standpoint of the contact's motivation (and when the player's motivation is "pay me" it works doubly well for a villainous story.) Apart from some of the ways that the story progressed and the tie-in to your other arcs (which I haven't played yet) you could almost make this a heroic or neutral mission too if it's done In The Name Of Science or something (not that you should, but it's worth noting the option.)
Oh, spoilers below for anyone who's not played it yet.
I wasn't expecting the third mission to be timed. Maybe I missed a line saying that I'd only have a limited amount of time there when I read the mission description. Either way, though, even though I should have been getting ready for work it wasn't an unreasonable second mission to do.
On a similar note, I almost expected the last mission to be timed. The contact stated that something implying that there was roughly an hour's gap between when she left the dimension and when I first checked out that dimension's timeline. I was sort of looking forward to filling in that gap of an hour, so it was almost a letdown to find that I wasn't racing against the clock (not enough of a letdown that I think a change would be necessary, mind you.)
Regarding that last mission, there were a lot of goals. Fun goals to be sure, but lots of them. I started feeling a tad "Battle Weary" as I went through them. The only part that really bugged me, though, was the final "defeat Raid Leader to escape" mission goal. I expected him to spawn between me and the exit, thus blocking my way, but instead I had to track him down (passing the mission's exit with the hostage I was rescuing once or twice) until I finally tracked him down on the top floor so that I could defeat him and escape (until that point, all of the Agency's spawns had done a good job of tracking me down. Granted, ambushes work differently than bosses.) Incidentally, I finished everything in under an hour, so even with the confusion about the final boss an hour timer wouldn't be out of the question. :-)
My only other suggestion would be a reqest that you add some information to the "Ask about this contact" field. That was the only place I looked for information expecting to find it only to find the Architect's default responses built in.
Ultimately, I really had a lot of fun in it. I wasn't sure whether to grade it as a four or a five. I went with four for right now, but I may change my mind on that in a bit. :-)
(Incidentally, don't worry about returning my review for this one. It'll take a lot of retooling and designing to get mission 4 more to your liking, and if there's one thing I don't want it's for people to be annoyed when listening to my stories. Again, thanks for your game. :-) )
[ QUOTE ]
you could almost make this a heroic or neutral mission too if it's done In The Name Of Science or something (not that you should, but it's worth noting the option.)
[/ QUOTE ]
You think it'd be heroic to rescue a woman who's solution to dealing with a traitor was to mass-murder everyone else in the lab without even trying to find out which one of them was guilty?
[ QUOTE ]
Maybe I missed a line saying that I'd only have a limited amount of time there when I read the mission description.
[/ QUOTE ]
There is a warning but it's in the Mission Send Off, it wouldn't make logical sense in the Intro part. I really wish I could have the timer begin after you enter instead of right away. Anyhow, the timer is there to imply some danger and the timer is so short so that those who for whatever reason cannot find the 3 glowies (hint: they've always been at City Hall) won't be stuck forever. Also the only thing that changes is that the success debriefing acknowledges you finding Posi's helmet in a humorous way.
Still, it doesn't look like people are enjoying this mission much so I'm already considering a replacement.
[ QUOTE ]
On a similar note, I almost expected the last mission to be timed. The contact stated that something implying that there was roughly an hour's gap between when she left the dimension and when I first checked out that dimension's timeline. I was sort of looking forward to filling in that gap of an hour, so it was almost a letdown to find that I wasn't racing against the clock (not enough of a letdown that I think a change would be necessary, mind you.)
[/ QUOTE ]
Problem is that I already have 1 failure condition, the escort. I cannot write a different debriefing for you if you let the time run out so I'd have to make the debriefing even more generic if I have a second way to fail it.
[ QUOTE ]
Regarding that last mission, there were a lot of goals. Fun goals to be sure, but lots of them. I started feeling a tad "Battle Weary" as I went through them. The only part that really bugged me, though, was the final "defeat Raid Leader to escape" mission goal. I expected him to spawn between me and the exit, thus blocking my way, but instead I had to track him down (passing the mission's exit with the hostage I was rescuing once or twice) until I finally tracked him down on the top floor so that I could defeat him and escape (until that point, all of the Agency's spawns had done a good job of tracking me down. Granted, ambushes work differently than bosses.) Incidentally, I finished everything in under an hour, so even with the confusion about the final boss an hour timer wouldn't be out of the question. :-)
[/ QUOTE ]
If the Devs would get the "Return to Exit" objective into MA then I wouldn't have to keep jury-rigging it this way. The Raid Leader also provides more information on Alina when you fight him that may have you questioning if rescuing her really was a good idea, despite the money you're getting for it. Sorry that he spawned out of the way this time, it's just that it's so hard to find a close match for the map in the previous mission, which is a map that works well so changing mission 4's map means changing mission 5's map and...
[ QUOTE ]
My only other suggestion would be a reqest that you add some information to the "Ask about this contact" field. That was the only place I looked for information expecting to find it only to find the Architect's default responses built in.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm getting tired of that one. Here's the thing, Ask About this Contact is barely working and not working right. It only started working in the last week of i15 beta. Any other detail, Boss, Hostage, Ally, Escort will grab the critter's description automatically. Ask About this Contact DOESN'T. It doesn't even do it for regular in-game contacts like Percy Winkley or Kalinda. That means I need to use up extra space, that I barely have, to put in the description a second time. I'd rather just wait for the Devs to fix it, hopefully soon.
Um, hate to break it to you, but if I'm reading the text files right the system "grabs" the critter description for a Boss detail by repeating it. It's not saving you any space by recycling the existing description.
So, while it may be annoying that you have to fill in the Contact info by hand, it's not going to save you any space to wait for the system to do it for you.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
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Um, hate to break it to you, but if I'm reading the text files right the system "grabs" the critter description for a Boss detail by repeating it. It's not saving you any space by recycling the existing description.
So, while it may be annoying that you have to fill in the Contact info by hand, it's not going to save you any space to wait for the system to do it for you.
[/ QUOTE ]
I've found that when entering the description into a Boss or Hostage in the detail, the file usage does go up. Try it yourself and remember that the way things look in the text file are not exactly how it gets read into the game when it loads the file. Go ahead, paste the critters description into the Description field of that detail and see what happens.
I don't know what's going on with your files but looking in mine, if I don't input a description for a Boss then there is no description line at all in the file for that detail, yet they still have a description when you right-click -> info while playing the mission.
If there is any duplicating going on, it would have to be happening after the game downloaded the file from the server and parses it to load on your end.
Maybe the difference in duplicated info vs. non-duplicated has to do with custom and regular critters?
And you're right, I suppose if you're totally out of file space, contact info would have to be one of the things to go.
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Maybe the difference in duplicated info vs. non-duplicated has to do with custom and regular critters?
[/ QUOTE ]
Nope, the behavior is the same. The only difference is that a stock character will show the description field as already filled in, but the file size only goes up if you edit the description. A custom character will show their description in the preview pane on the right side of the window but the Description field in the Detail Properties on the left side will be empty.
Another new arc. Probably not my best work but figured I'd let everyone else judge it. I always thought that the game was lacking in Banished Pantheon arcs so I gave it a try.
Arc ID: 261148
Arc Title: All Consuming
Morality: Heroic
Length: 5 Missions
Level Range: 20-25
Description: It began when a derelict ship was detected heading for Paragon City. Who would want to
bring the Shivan here and for what purpose?
Mission one:
Wow. A map where the battles are still in progress when I get to them. I've never seen that before.
I rescue a not-so-innocent victim. I want his hat! Alas, the costume gods have decreed it not to be.
The boss' name, while descriptive, feels a bit out of place. I think it's the "The". Maybe "Walking" instead, or some other slightly more descriptive term?
And, ouch, that ambush stings. Good thing I'm a resourceful little bat and can put them all to sleep. Good thing the ambush isn't required kill, too - pounding the boss down and hitting exit should be viable for most folks.
Mission two:
Mission entry message: "hear", not "here".
I rescue Officer Striek, and set him on fire. Ooh, he actually helps! Eat glue grenades, foolish enemies!
..And then I rescue Officer Bartel, who mentions that Striek is "somewhere further in". Oops. (For reference: Striek was at the very first intersection I came to; Bartel was at the raised area just before the last room.)
Clue from beating the boss should, I think, be two sentences. Just changing the comma into a period would make me happy.
Mission three:
I wonder if I can take this thing on my own? Owie. No, I can't. Oh, well; it's fine with the assistance provided. Well, and a few insps. Fortunately I had a break free on hand.
Debriefing: Why Astoria?
Mission four:
'Cause that's where the villain is heading, of course. I wonder how the contact knew that?
And why is Legacy Chain getting involved "it gets worse"?
Last sentence in the send off seems to flow a bit poorly. Perhaps replace "this stuff" with "the stuff", or chop off everything after that? Hm. Not sure.
Whoops, wrong button. Oh, well; sleeping tiki heads are amusing.
Avatar of Lughebu's initial text doesn't quite flow right, either. A bit of re-ordering might fix it - replace "soon" (at the start) with the end of the sentence, "once we combine...etc." Alternatively, just chop off that second bit I quoted and put in an exclamation mark.
Lots of glowies. Good thing they make noise and it's a small map; I find the last one without too much difficulty.
Mission five:
So now I have to stop a big ritual. Hm. There should've been more hints that this was coming up - I would've started dropping hints as early as the boss in mission two. Up 'till this point it looked like the main bad guy group was just looking at some small scale integration of new units, which they had successfully running. There wasn't any hint until the end of mission four that this was actually a grandiose plan to subvert the entirety of the energies in question.
Map entry: I'd replace "whatever" with "some" or even just "a".
More guys to rescue. They seem to have a bit of trouble following me, though; maybe they don't appreciate me setting them on fire? Oh, well. No big deal. Turns out the last boss isn't another EB, so I didn't need them anyway.
Hm. It occurs to me that someone might complain about the midnighter being there; I didn't feel it was out of place, but a simple mention might help. I mean, the contact does say he's calling in favors from all over the place - but it might be nice if he mentioned where. There are only two helpers in there, so it shouldn't cost much space or flow of text.
Overall impressions:
Nice, simple, good use of some unusual maps. Could use a bit more polish - especially more build-up to the last mission; it really felt like it came out of the blue. I mean, I was expecting to get sent in to shut down the villain doing all this, but the whole ritual angle was a surprise.
Final rating: 4.5 out of five. I think I'll round up, today.
Thanks for the feedback. "All Consuming" was written, tested and published in one afternoon and boy does it show. I just wanted to get some feedback to see if it was even worth spending more time on.
Oh crap, somebody just pointed out something I missed: Totems are level 25-30, not 20-29. Sorry to anyone who ran into a purple boss while solo, apparently MA does not scale him down properly.
Causes a bit of an issue now as Totems are one of my favorite bosses but Shivans stop at 25. I don't like the idea of making the entire arc 25-25 either.
Changes made to "MacGuffin Delivery Service":
* Family spawns are fixed! Had to get creative with custom groups but found out that it was the "Random Minion", "Random Lieutenant" thing that was screwing up spawning.
* Carnies should be spawning below level 40 for Hero players now.
Changes made to "All Consuming":
* Redid the 2nd mission. Picked a better warehouse map and staffed it with Warriors, who aren't all that happy with Mindskewer meeting with the Banished Pantheon in the back.
* Replaced Totems with Spirit Masks.
* Redid the Avatar of Lughebu's dialog in mission 4 and edited Mindskewer's dialog in mission 2 to foreshadow the ending better.
* Added some flavour glowies to mission 2.
* Changed the briefing to mission 3 and added some colored warning text.
* Added battles between the Banished Pantheon and Legacy Chain to mission 4.
* Added success pop-ups to all missions.
[ QUOTE ]
Oh crap, somebody just pointed out something I missed: Totems are level 25-30, not 20-29.
[/ QUOTE ]
Huh. So *that's* why that boss was a different color. I completely failed to notice. Well, ok, so that's probably because I was level 23, running on diff one, so it was just a +2 lieutenant.
Hm... Nope, only thing I can offer is to put in a /bug on the fact that high level mobs only scale down to a mission's max level, as opposed to its actual current level. (I.E. it'd work fine at any single level from 20 to 25 - but you run into problems when there's a range involved.)
[ QUOTE ]
Another new arc. Probably not my best work but figured I'd let everyone else judge it. I always thought that the game was lacking in Banished Pantheon arcs so I gave it a try.
Arc ID: 261148
Arc Title: All Consuming
Morality: Heroic
Length: 5 Missions
Level Range: 20-25
Description: It began when a derelict ship was detected heading for Paragon City. Who would want to
bring the Shivan here and for what purpose?
[/ QUOTE ]
Reviewed here:
http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showflat....ue#Post13757087
Running this again to take a look at the changes. This time with my brute, and on difficulty two. Should be interesting to see how the EB pans out for a melee type.
Mission one: The ambush triggers while I'm fighting a random battle earlier. Odd. The boss is at half health when I get to him - must've gotten attacked by a patrol or maybe a runner from that battle? I don't know. Very odd.
I still manage to find Striek first, but this time it's because Bartel was hiding - the actual placement of the two was appropriate.
Other than that, I like the mission much better this time around - it feels like there's more going on.
Exit text needs a spell check re: "hauls".
Hmph. Still can't solo that thing. Still trivial to kill with help - knockback for the win? Means it's probably tuned about right.
Exit dialog makes no sense, at least to me.
Why Astoria is explained! Yay!
Ahh, Legacy Chain just gets in the way. I play mostly red side, so I can totally agree with that. ;-)
...The Legacy Chain manages to win a battle, and then turns around and helps me against the boss. Astonishing. Not that I needed the assistance, of course.
Last mission goes pretty much the same.
So - definite improvement, but still some polishing that could be done. A few run on sentences, a few spots where the words don't flow quite right, but on the whole pretty solid now.
Changes made to "All Consuming":
* Removing the battles from the back room was not an option as it'd make it mostly deserted, so I removed the ambush from the Walking Corpse boss instead.
* Added a clue to the coffin in mission 1.
* Fixed up the dialog in missions 2, 3, 4, and 5.
* Fixed some typos in missions 2 and 4.
* Redid all the Legacy Chain vs Pantheon and Midnight Squad vs Pantheon battles in mission 5. Each has unique dialog now so now you will at least hear them even if they lose before you get to them.
* Reduced the number of Altars in mission 5 to 1 and gave the surrounding group some dialog.
* The Pantheon surrounding the Corrupted Husks, the Altar, and the Ritual Spirits consists only of Shamans now.
"MacGuffin Delivery Service" is back up and running. I don't know why it took a full day after that patch that broke destructibles to affect my arc, it sure as hell wasn't invalid last night when I last checked.
Ok, turns out that "Of Futures Past" had the same bug, except it wasn't even flagged as invalid to begin with.
[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: MacGuffin Delivery Service
Arc ID: 1567
Faction: Family, Tsoo, Circle of Thorns, Carnies, Freakshow, Council, Paragon Police
Morality: Villainous
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: A routine late-night pawn shop robbery turns into a major ordeal when you pick up a mysterious little statue that everyone seems to want for themselves. You don't know what it does, why it's so important, or why you can't seem to just get rid of it.
Estimated Time to Play: 30-45 minutes
[/ QUOTE ]
Very nice arc!
I ran it with a hero, but had no difficulty since I was examplared to level 40. I loved the dialogue, the complex mechanics and (mostly) the choice of maps, but was disappointed with a few things.
First, running through a nearly empty map in the second mission and then running all the way back to the entrance to chase the dependent objectives was a bit of a pain. I don't think it would be an issue for the carnies to ambush the player, since they are supposed to be meeting the foes you defeat anyway.
Second, glowie hunting in Oranbega, especially in the large room with pillars, is a pain in the butt. I noticed that you dislike glowie hunting on outdoor maps - this is almost the same thing. Fortunately I didn't have to find all of them to find the one I was looking for.
Third, I didn't care for the way the dialogue was laid out like a diary entry. It disallows the appearance of free will by writing the characters own thoughts (even though it may not make sense to that character) and it presents everything as a fait accompli, instead of a reactionary adventure to a robbery-gone-wrong. There's no surprise for the finale.
Apart from those issues, it was an excellent arc, and I give it a final rating of: FOUR STARS.
...I forgot what experience means.
[ QUOTE ]
I noticed that you dislike glowie hunting on outdoor maps - this is almost the same thing.
[/ QUOTE ]
Not the same thing at all, especially when the only relevant glowies are all in the same room and you're flat out told right at the start where to look for them. The rest are just there for people who enjoy exploring.
[ QUOTE ]
Third, I didn't care for the way the dialogue was laid out like a diary entry. It disallows the appearance of free will by writing the characters own thoughts
[/ QUOTE ]
It's pretty much impossible to make the player "their own contact" without this caveat.
Of Futures Past, @Lazarus, 254599. Villainous!
Map choices look reasonable, no Defeat All, no AVs or Extremes... looks like fun.
You need to add a decription to the Contact in Story Settings for access through Ask about this contact.
The level range is high. Yet I'll be a lacky to a villain called Cobalt Stinger. Nonetheless, there's potential for selfish gain in this, with likely jaunts to other dimensions. I have played arc 3326 (Portal Bandits) which is noted as being in parallel to this. That was a fairly early version, even had a different title, and I gave up at that time as the combats were too hard. This one isn't specifically Challenging so I have high hopes here. I take along my level 50 Going Rogue controller, who uses his airhead status to 'accidentally' make morally reprehensible decisions.
And it's the wanted advertisement format again. Fair enough, good so far. The last line of the intro indicates the 'doctor is in', which means a doctor is on-the-job, or could mean he was in that lab, or surprise that the Doctor was in a lab that he wasn't supposed to be... not sure which it is yet.
M1 intro: aquirring -> aquiring
In the send-off, I'm looking for multiple objects, but I am given just one locator beacon. Probably should be plural.
"But I won't require it" at the end of send-off suggests Cobalt is capable of bossing me around. Darn, I thought she might be a chummy villain contact for once.
My master plan here is to help Cobalt, and grab items for her. Doesn't feel villainous yet as I depart for mission 1. Perhaps just 'grab stuff', then I might line my own pockets.
9:40pm: Enter mission 1.
Holy cow, laundry list. 6 colections and 7 rescues. At least they're pluralized nicely. I'd like to be reminded of the potential for nabbing some ill-gotten gains of my own. And it's Nagans - Portal Bandits (nee Service) is coming back to me now. This time they're my friends.
[NPC] Tarantula: If she asks us about feeling lucky next... // [NPC] Nagan Brawler: Go ahead, make my day! - dialog seems to be reversed?
Nagan Gravitist: one the battlefield -> on the battlefield ; learned in how -> learned how
I'm collecting minion allies, and as a villain, they're expendable. Some people will really like this, it happens in one of my arcs too.
Nagan Duelist refers to himself as "We" upon rescue, not sure if that's deliberate, doesn't sound self-serving if he means his whole troupe.
Nagan Duelist: second sentence is a run-on, gives differences and similarities joined with "and".
Nagan Archer: forgoe -> forgo
The Nagan Shockfist's captors say, "We've got her cornered and she's taunting us?" - perhaps add a verbal taunt to her dialog too.
Nagan Radiologist: and how to apply -> and to apply ; lead to -> led to
Okay, I have all of the bubblegum Nagans now. No sign of Doctor Aeon yet. I doubt this kids will help much, but they'll absorb a hit each.
I find the computer, and then Dr Aeon has arrived (although I thought he was already here, but that's okay).
But I've missed one piece of equipment. I go back through the map. Ah, it was just kinda small. And I'm done! But I have a posse, and they have a Doctor, and now I have an emergency Exit button, so it's time. Besides, it's fun watching the posse-markers on the map trying to keep up. He'd hidden well, but not well enough. Dr. Aeon somehow didn't seem very grand. Didn't help that he spawned in a back corridor with a single arachnos minion.
10:24pm: Return to contact.
Okay... so we have some serious mad scientist going on, with dimensional temporal gadgets. I see Rikti Cimerorans in my future. Or wherever it is.
M2 send-off: ethusiastic -> enthusiastic
Okay... luckily I'm playing airhead here, I don't know how many villains would subscribe to this "be a guinea pig, I don't feel like using robots for that". But I'm like, oo-kay, what do you need me to do.
10:32pm: Enter mission 2.
Popup says I return in 15 minutes. Timer says I have 10 minutes. Atlas Ruined map, and a collection, so I know where to look. Luckily I bump into Veratzu on the way there, who lets me know the Devouring Earth and Rikti are mainly what's left here (plus himself). Rikti, eh? So either I'm in the Rikti dimension, or I'm in my own dimension in the future, or Rikti have started invading other dimensions (do these other dimensions have copies of Nemesis instigating those wars as well?). Rikti and additional dimensions makes my head hurt.
I found some interesting items, but none by themselves are really exciting. I'm in ruins, so I could have collected any bones (and carbon dating? I'm in another dimension, what if this one runs on a faster clock?). The helmet helps a little, although it doesn't explain the Rikti and Devouring Earth. The newspaper - could I read it? Any interesting articles? It might be old, but it's outdoors in a trashcan, it can't be that much older than the 15 years indicated.
Okay, so then an errand. A bunch of stuff needs to happen. Okay, I'll go get it. Oh, and Anna will be there? Then why on earth am I going? Probably Anna should not be there. Oh, actually, I'm not stealing it. Perhaps mission description could point out I'm going to Cobalt's base, which explains why Anna is there...
And nice dialog by the police cyborg, covers events going on in the parallel arc very well. Finally I get to do some freelance looting! Lots of great stuff too. There's a barrel of "DHMO" - I think that's from the other arc. If so, a bit obtuse here for someone who hasn't played both. I found explosives. Perhaps you could spice up the description. The crates laid out well - some not quite at the back, and then one right at the back!
Revisiting the Clues, very little sounds interesting. This is the lair of a mad scientist college student, but I only saw "college student". Or else you could highlight that contact must come from somewhere else, "but where?", since her base lacks and gear for making time travel devices.
10:58pm: Return to contact
There's more allusions to the parallel arc, luckily I have played that. Part 4 mission is another go-collect. No mention of whether it's past or future, just another dimension. No mention of what's in it for me. "Have fun"? That's my motivation? For a level 50 villain in the employ of a young lady superscientist? Airhead says, oo-kay. But I think I deserve to have a goal at this time.
11:05pm: Enter mission 4.
Shocktrooper: on / upon redundancy, remove one
Ubermensch: development -> developments. Described as a juggernaut, perhaps should be Huge body type
Okay, so I'm in an abandoned lab, with Shocktroopers apparently from an Agency, and the computer needs power. This is where the plot should make me care about doing this. What will I gain, as a villain?
Ubermensch says, I will show him the way, but upon his defeat says nothing more. Seems like he'd have been someone I'd have wanted to interrogate.
Okay, having trouble finding the Backup Generator. I do find a Mainframe objective that apparently isn't ready for me yet. Don't know if you have control over that dialog, it might suggest I need power first. I do find the generator in the end, but the Mainframe is still not ready for me. Need to find access to the network. Ah, another objective has come alive. And then it's the mainframe. Now 4 terminals. My villain is an airhead, but currently feels more like a computer specialist. Phew, done. Clickie development doesn't result in plot development, the Clues that appear aren't tied to my progress. But they're interesting, sounds like my contact may have been cyberized here. If this is her plot to use me, she might have spun me a story about something slightly different to get me to come here.
11:28pm: Return to contact.
So, my contact acknowledges my conclusions. So the remains were her mother's - she's astonishingly uninterested in that fact. Instead, she gets an idea. If the contact is meant to be this ruthless, it might have been foreshadowed in her earlier dialog too.
But nonetheless she wants me to rescue her mother anyway. Yay? Complicated girl. Doesn't really make sense, and I'm less likely to be sympathetic.
Mission 5 intro: payed -> paid
Anyway, I'm off to rescue a mom who has the resources to blow up a building. At least I'm getting paid for sure this time.
11:32pm: Enter mission 5.
Interestingly, this is not a timed mission. I thought I was supposed to prevent an explosion. Good map choice, it resembles the ruined lab fairly well, although the entrance is a bit different.
Shocktrooper Sgt.: what the -> what they
I find a bomb, that I can't click on. Perhaps it's meant to be faded, something I put in place later. Right now it's not glowing, You Can't Complete This Objective Yet. Confusing. I find more later too. It might explain why there's no time on this mission, but it just seems messy.
Okay I find Alina, but she's already a captive. Perhaps she has a remote detonator they haven't taken away from her.
And she does! And the explosives suddenly make sense. Hopefully I'll never be required to click on them, just escort mom out.
The explosives will confuse a lot of players I think, particularly after the previous mission.
At least there's reinforcements to avoid having an empty map going back. Mom sure is well armed.
I fight off a few ambushes, but then it dawns on me - I'm evil! Mom can bite the bullet, it wouldn't be my fault, and I'd get out of here a heck of a lot quicker. I finally get to make a choice, and it's a diabolical one.
As I look around for another ambush, I notice the explosives are not activated, even though Mom appeared to use some sort of device. Was she just showing me the detonator?
I cop some abuse from Mom when she gets left behind. It makes it more practical to feed her to a patrol I'd overlooked. The Shocktroopers were fairly efficient, if drab in their execution.
11:54pm: Failed. Return to contact.
I got my money. Cool.
I hope my decision at the end there didn't ruin the story as you'd intended. There's no glaring plot holes, aside from a lack of motivation for my villain at times, hopefully the info above can help you polish it further.
For fresh material, I usually vote based on an arc's potential. But Lazarus himself calls a 4 what most people call a 5. On the other hand, Venture promotes voting consistently, as much is possible. So my 4 becomes a 5 becomes a 3 becomes a 5. Time for my medication.
Edit: Had an idea. You could have the explosives in the last mission go live at the same time as you escort the mom out. Then if player does click on them, he 'disarms them' just for a prank (not to save lives or nothin'). Then you have an optional outcome for pranksters as well
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
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