Would You Like a Writing with that?
By
Clobbertime,
Posted on: 2008-02-29 16:15 in Multi-Media Fan Creations
I'll bite.
http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/3...resser1jc2.jpg
"When the Circle of Thorns realized that Duke Manlyname was a threat, they removed his soul and placed it into an emerald to keep him from ruining their plans. However, during an effort to save the unwitting citizen by a group of inexperienced heroes, the emerald was broken and Duke's soul went into the nearest body without one. That body had previously belonged to Shrouded Quill, a spine/dark armor scrapper whom had had her soul removed too. With his soul now trapped in the body of another, Duke chose the name Cross Dresser to signify his situation and uses his hosts abilities to fight and find his way back to his old self."
As far as personality, she's really reckless, aggressive, first to jump into a fight even before making sure her team is ready. very nice to friends though, positive attitude, just can't stand any enemies.
do what you want with her, just no sexuality please, i don't see her that way 
Liberty
My 50s:
Hero: Armor Assassin (scrapper), Cross Dresser (scrapper), Surly Seaman (blaster), Defensive End (Tank), Rad Rhino (Cont)
Villain: Beast Infection (Corr), Sweet Zombie Jesus (MM), Milk Weasel (Stalker), Orgullo (MM), Agent Eris (Crab)
Final Draft Completed for my character Fire-Kin Genie. here it is:
The slight breeze on the beach felt relaxing to Crystal as she sat down on the small beads of sand. Her eyes glanced around and caught no one in plain view. She was astonished that no one would come on the beach this beautiful evening and watch the sunset bestow into the water. She shrugged and shifted her view back to the sunset and watched it starting to sink lower into the ocean blue. Its beautifully bright rays of light made the ripples in the ocean glisten a golden color that looked majestic enough to hypnotize anyone who watched it. She had never seen something so beautiful in her entire life, until now. For some strange reason, today she seemed connected to it, almost a part of it.
She looked around again, but again no one was in view. However, an object that glowed from the lights of the sun quickly grabbed her attention. She stood up and approached it with caution. Only a foot away from it, she could not quite figure out what it was. It was only half buried in the sand, but its golden color reflected a beam of sunlight into her eyes, making her eyesight only half as good as it would normally be. She bent down next to it and slowly dug it out of the warm sand that held it captive. After only a few seconds of digging, it was finally free and she picked it up with care. Turning her back away from the sun so she could properly see the object she held within her hands, her mouth instantly dropped. She recognized it as a lamp that ancient Egyptians created. After standing there for a few moments, she slowly closed her mouth and wondered how old this artifact could be. It looked brand new, but they did not make items such as this in North America. She only half smiled, but was one of the only times she had actually smiled in her life.
She sat back down into the sand and placed the lamp next to her. She started to look back at the sun and the sky.
I wish I could have the power of the sun and powers to reach the sky above, She quietly said to herself.
She smirked and could not help but think what an outrageous idea it was to wish for the impossible. She placed her hand upon the lamp and stood up as the last bit of the sun reached the edge of the water. She started her journey back home, tired and achy from the days work. She reached her small home that only contained a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. She entered the door, put the lamp on her mahogany bedroom dresser, and headed for the shower. As she turned her back, she saw a glow coming from behind her and she turned around to the lamp. Its golden color had turned into a deep blood mood red and burned right through her dresser and onto the floor. Odd enough it did not burn through the floor or even through the carpet. She stood there, stunned at the sight she sought right in front of her. The lamps red glow lifted off the ground and struck Crystal right in the face. She screamed in agony as she could feel her skin on her face burning off. The pain so intense it caused her to collapse and faint instantly afterwards.
She awoke several hours later from what it seemed like to a place unfamiliar to her. She felt sand underneath her, but this time its warmth was not there. It was cold, dull, and dank wherever she was. She remembered the burning sensation she had felt and instantly grabbed her face. She felt nothing; it was as if her face was never touched. She looked around and saw no light except for a small entrance 20 feet above her. It was just enough light for her to see everything within her captive place. Its walls made of gold and it ground made of sand. She could not help but ponder where she was for a few minutes.
No
This
Cant
.Be
Happening
She said in obvious astonishment. She recognized the walls
it was the same as the lamp she had picked up earlier. She could not see how it could have happened, but it did and she knew it. She tried to recall what happened before the incident but she could not remember because she was starting to go in a shock.
She sat down for a few moments in order to restore her memory and get herself together. It was then when she remembered the wishes she made earlier at the beach. That must have been it
there was no other logical explanation for it. If the lamp had conjured her inside of it, then it meant only one thing.
Yes! She yelled suddenly with a twenty-second echo repeating her.
She focused, this time not on how to get out, but on something else. She lifted her hands and the sand started to burn. The lamp was now heating rapidly; every piece of sand was burning and crackling beneath her feet. She looked up to the entrance and used every ounce of strength to jump. She leaped upwards and past her normal jumping height. She kept going until she jumped out of the lamp and onto her floor. She quickly stumbled and the impact of the ground disoriented her. She closed her eyes for a moment and slowly opened them.
She was her actual size again and she could not help but laugh. It was not the fact that is was funny; it was merely an unexpected adventure. She could not believe the idea she just thought outrageous was actually quite opposite. She realized that by wishing upon the lamp, she caused herself as the lamps genie, but it was something she could live with. That very same day Crystal took the alias Fire-Kin Genie, packed her bags, and left for Paragon City. The City of Heroes, where new beginnings become part of history.
Are you looking for critiques, or just doing this for funsies?
Both actually. I'll take any critiques I can take at the moment. It's been a long time since I've written and forgot just how hard it actually is.
By the way Milk, do I refer to Crossdresser as a male or a female? Doing it like a male at the moment using words like he and his.
Oh I'd love a more in depth look of my character Crestent .
Here's his basic bio...
This hero is as mysterious as the Moon, of which he is one of the Five Masters. Not much is known about Crestent and he prefers to keep it that way. Those who have gotten close to him know him for what he is, a faithful husband, a good father and a true friend. He's come from a far away place to lend his aid to the embattled citizens and fellow heroes of Paragon City. He presents his gifts in the form of a calming and healing touch. His ageless face and calm demeanor are the mantle that this majestic hero wears all the time, even in the heat of battle. If aid is needed, Crestent will do all that he can to lend a hand.
Other things you might want to know.
He's married and has 2 kids
He can perform extremely high level magic like summoning a huge amount of energy.
He is older than 150.
That is all I can really put out right now, I may add some stuff later.
:EDIT:
He has a brother named Sassafras Moon that went a insane with power and betrayed Crestent to become a villain.
Sassafras is a Plant/Psi Dom.
His wife is named Mideva, he saved her from a demon in another dimension and taught her how to use and control her powers.
She is a Dark/Dark Defender
Crestent lvl 50 Mind/Emp Controller http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p...cGallary-1.jpg
http://crestent.deviantart.com/
http://www.creyindustries.com/viewhero.php?id=21809
Uuuuuhm.. Writing, writer etc only has one t in it... :/
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Uuuuuhm.. Writing, writer etc only has one t in it... :/
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I wasn't sure if I should say something or not. But it did kind of baffle me that a writer would misspell that word in particular. Once is a typo. Twice is a coincidence. More than that and I have to start asking questions.
your = Belonging to you.
you're = Contraction meaning "You are."
Ur = The name of an ancient Mesopotamian city.
ur = This is not a word.
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Uuuuuhm.. Writing, writer etc only has one t in it... :/
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I wasn't sure if I should say something or not. But it did kind of baffle me that a writer would misspell that word in particular. Once is a typo. Twice is a coincidence. More than that and I have to start asking questions.
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Sorry wasnt really paying attention all the time. Really does it matter? -Spell Check- does help me when I am just typing really fast and just putting thoughts typing. But you really dont have to respond at all if you are going to discredit me like that. Thanks! 
You're welcome. I'm always happy to help.
your = Belonging to you.
you're = Contraction meaning "You are."
Ur = The name of an ancient Mesopotamian city.
ur = This is not a word.
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Uuuuuhm.. Writing, writer etc only has one t in it... :/
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I wasn't sure if I should say something or not. But it did kind of baffle me that a writer would misspell that word in particular. Once is a typo. Twice is a coincidence. More than that and I have to start asking questions.
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Sorry wasnt really paying attention all the time. Really does it matter? -Spell Check- does help me when I am just typing really fast and just putting thoughts typing. But you really dont have to respond at all if you are going to discredit me like that. Thanks!
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Message boards seem to have a way of drawing the inner english teacher out of some people. Don't sweat it, it's not your fault that some people can only feel better about themselves by belittling others.
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Uuuuuhm.. Writing, writer etc only has one t in it... :/
[/ QUOTE ]
I wasn't sure if I should say something or not. But it did kind of baffle me that a writer would misspell that word in particular. Once is a typo. Twice is a coincidence. More than that and I have to start asking questions.
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Sorry wasnt really paying attention all the time. Really does it matter? -Spell Check- does help me when I am just typing really fast and just putting thoughts typing. But you really dont have to respond at all if you are going to discredit me like that. Thanks!
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It absolutely matters. I don't take anyone seriously as a writer who can't spell. Especially if you can't even be bothered to use the built-in spell-check that comes with browsers these days.
In this paragraph you've even left out your apostrophes in "wasn't" and "don't." If you want us to give you credit then you need to literally dots the Is and cross the Ts. Proofread, always. Obsess over the details.
Sorry, but I have strict policies regarding this profession and I simply can not abide laziness of thought, and two of the strongest indicators of that are bad spelling and poor grammar.
The Alt Alphabet ~ OPC: Other People's Characters ~ Terrific Screenshots of Cool ~ Superhero Fiction
as to he or she... either works, if you think about it :P
Liberty
My 50s:
Hero: Armor Assassin (scrapper), Cross Dresser (scrapper), Surly Seaman (blaster), Defensive End (Tank), Rad Rhino (Cont)
Villain: Beast Infection (Corr), Sweet Zombie Jesus (MM), Milk Weasel (Stalker), Orgullo (MM), Agent Eris (Crab)
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It absolutely matters. I don't take anyone seriously as a writer who can't spell. Especially if you can't even be bothered to use the built-in spell-check that comes with browsers these days.
In this paragraph you've even left out your apostrophes in "wasn't" and "don't." If you want us to give you credit then you need to literally dots the Is and cross the Ts. Proofread, always. Obsess over the details.
Sorry, but I have strict policies regarding this profession and I simply can not abide laziness of thought, and two of the strongest indicators of that are bad spelling and poor grammar.
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Seconded, which is why I asked if the OP wanted critiques.
But really, you aren't bad but could definitely use some polishing. I can give that bg the red pen treatment here in a bit if you want, but you really do need to pay attention to the details if you want to be taken seriously as a writer. I almost didn't even *read* the sample you put up because of the double T mistake.
And Clobbertime, generally I'm not big on pointing out spelling mistakes on messaging boards due to their inherent nature. I do think it's a bit different when someone is putting themselves out there solely for their talent for the written word.
I look at writing and editing as two separate parts of the same job - building a story from the written word. Spelling and grammar mistakes are to be expected when one is doing 'stream of consciousness' typing into the computer... but you have to go clean them up if you expect to be taken seriously.
unless you're e e cummings of course.
And even he was able to construct amazing things from words.
So, yah, if you're pitching yourself as a writer for hire, then your 'resume' or business card had BETTER be polished. Otherwise you come across as a hack, no matter how evocative the prose.
The gems MUST be cleaned and polished before they are set, lest the tiara they adorn have no sparkle.
"City of Heroes. April 27, 2004 - August 31, 2012. Obliterated not with a weapon of mass destruction, not by an all-powerful supervillain... but by a cold-hearted and cowardly corporate suck-up."
Thanks all for the tips. I will do my absolute best to improve on the grammar a bit as well as the spelling. Guess I have never gotten real critiques before. Working on Milk_Weasel's character story right now.
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Thanks all for the tips. I will do my absolute best to improve on the grammar a bit as well as the spelling. Guess I have never gotten real critiques before. Working on Milk_Weasel's character story right now.
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No worries. I think we're all just glad that you're taking the critiques and learning from them instead of whining about how the grammar and spelling nazis are ruining your day.
your = Belonging to you.
you're = Contraction meaning "You are."
Ur = The name of an ancient Mesopotamian city.
ur = This is not a word.
Here is a preview of what I have going on for Milk's character Crossdresser. This is only half complete and a rough draft. Been having a lot of trouble trying to start this up, but once I got a few ideas, its been pretty fun actually:
Duke Manlyname walked through the deserted park in Paragon City, in hopes to clear his head from lifes madness. The warm August night breeze flowed through his short black hair shifting it back a little. His thoughts were clear to him now and he gave a serene smile, which was rare not only for him, but for anyone living in this hectic city. As he strolled through the pathways, a sudden scream interrupted his thoughts appearing to come from behind him.
Help me! A high-pitched voice screamed.
Duke turned around to see a Circle of Thorn Mage torching a child who was no match for him.
Please help me! She screamed again. Duke, getting a closer view of her, saw she was no older then 9 years of age.
Quickly reacting, he charged the Mage with every once of strength his body could muster. The Mage quickly fell to the ground startled by the brute force put upon him. Duke knew that it would only be for a few seconds, so he picked up the young girl and ran for a save hidden spot for him and the child to stay in. He ran quickly through the park and hid himself within the swarthiness of several bushes nearby.
After watching the Mage hurry by them, Duke looked carefully into the face of the young girl he had just rescued. Her scenic hazel eyes shimmered like water from the moons luminous rays above, making it seem almost impossible to avert them. After a few moments of silence, they saw the mage quickly walk by again, this time with several others following behind him.
You see that pathway? Duke whispered to the little girl so the mages would not hear them.
She nodded as she looked down the narrow pathway hidden between the bushes.
What I need you to do is to go quietly down it and once you reach the end, run as far and fast as you can, ok? Duke said as he looked intently at the girl. He had already anticipated the girls next question.
But
what about you? Why dont you come with me and we can get help together? She asked, almost pleading.
Because both you and I know that I will not fit through there, He pointed towards the path and continued and I will distract them until you get help. I think I can last long enough for that if you hurry.
But
wait, she started
But nothing, now go. Duke replied imperceptibly.
She started her journey, but quickly turned around and said, Thanks for everything, before disappearing into the tunnel.
He wanted to wait for a few minutes to pass before pulling the attention of the mages. With a deep sigh, Duke stood up without hesitation. This is something he had to do, something he needed to do to get peace of mind. He walked out from the bushes and hid behind a tree. He did not want the Circle of Thorns to know where they were hiding and where the little girl went.
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It absolutely matters. I don't take anyone seriously as a writer who can't spell. Especially if you can't even be bothered to use the built-in spell-check that comes with browsers these days.
In this paragraph you've even left out your apostrophes in "wasn't" and "don't." If you want us to give you credit then you need to literally dots the Is and cross the Ts. Proofread, always. Obsess over the details.
Sorry, but I have strict policies regarding this profession and I simply can not abide laziness of thought, and two of the strongest indicators of that are bad spelling and poor grammar.
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Seconded, which is why I asked if the OP wanted critiques.
But really, you aren't bad but could definitely use some polishing. I can give that bg the red pen treatment here in a bit if you want, but you really do need to pay attention to the details if you want to be taken seriously as a writer. I almost didn't even *read* the sample you put up because of the double T mistake.
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You can if you can find anymore mistakes, but I polished it as much as I could possibly do. Appreciate the response and advice. Been trying my best to abide by it.
Hey all, I'm a long time player within Cox and a long time writer. It's been maybe a year or two since I've done any decent writings that I can think of. But anyways, I'll continue on with the point of this post.
-What's This Post Really About?-
I am what you call a Freelance writer, I can write anything and still make it look good. But I haven't done many game stories, so I thought I would start here and gain my skills back up by offering to write for people.
-But why would you post this in the art sections?-
Mainly because I love when artwork has a good story behind it. All I would need to write about something is by having a screenshot or drawing of your character (also may need a bio if you have one).
-What kind of stories do you write?-
Every type. You just request...if you need a bio for your character, I'm the one to help you. If you just was a medium length story of your character fighting I do that as well.
-How much does it cost?-
This is absolutely free. I will create it as long as you do your part by putting in a screenshot/drawing. I am trying to get better at creative writing. I would appreciate any and all requests as possible.
-How long does it take you to create a good story?-
It all varies depending on my hours I have available. On weekends I can create one in about 3 hours. This includes a rough draft, editing, and the final draft of your character.
-Can I submit multiple characters for one story?-
Yes, you may. I will take no more then 6 at one time. I wont accept anymore at this time, because the more characters involved in one story will take more time to create then a single character one. I'd like to give everyone a chance to have their character written and not have to waste a full Saturday on just one person.
-So how do I Sign up?-
Just post below a screenshot of your character (multiple if you can so I can get a good description on him/her) and what you would like. A biography or a battle story for a lack of a better phrase. If you choose to have the second one, you will have to also attach your characters brief history, just so I know a little more about him or her.
If you have any questions contact me @rbfalife.
I'll be looking forward to starting tonight on one after I finish my characters and post it here as an example.