J00r H4m1337 pwnz, d00d. 
Seriously, funny stuff and I look forward to more.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is a natural manure. -Thomas Jefferson
Read the Patriot newsletter. It's right, it's free.
Nice!
You can't spell Slaughter without laughter
All your gonna do is just farm behemoths anyways.
My thoughts on November 30.
Not to gratuitously bump or anything, but any word on when we can see another act of Ham1337, Scientist? I ask because today I happened to have watched "Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" and felt the echo of Ham1337 desire strike my heart.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is a natural manure. -Thomas Jefferson
Read the Patriot newsletter. It's right, it's free.
Heh.
that was great, how about a 5th column adaption of Romeo and Juliet?
have romeo on 5th column, juliet on council during the council/5th war.
[ QUOTE ]
Not to gratuitously bump or anything, but any word on when we can see another act of Ham1337, Scientist? I ask because today I happened to have watched "Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" and felt the echo of Ham1337 desire strike my heart.
[/ QUOTE ]
O.o I was under the assumption that this little story had passed without notice. Seeing all your comments warms my heart, and I'll get right on the next act. . . Right after finals are done. Hey, they're over thursday. Shouldn't take too long.
*claps* Yay, more hamleet!
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is a natural manure. -Thomas Jefferson
Read the Patriot newsletter. It's right, it's free.
(( Act 1.1 of hamlet adapted to take place in the freakshow fortress at sharkhead. Feel free to respond. ))
It was dark, but not very stormy. Nonetheless, the ocean chill blew through the scrapheap fortress of sharkhead island, breaking against the armored walls and chilling the unlucky occupants on sentry duty. Bernard "Burnaboi" Adler, Enforcer smasher of the freakshow, was one of the luckless members on guard duty that night. He stamped his boots and huddled closer into the one-sleeved jacket he'd borrowed for duty and resisted the urge to turn up the dial on his excelsior feeder. Sure, it'd keep him warmer, but he'd burn through it all before long and then he'd have to go explain to the meat docs why he'd used so much of it . . .
The sounds of revelry and the nightly wild partying of his fellow freaks resounded and echoed through the compound, bringing the discord of metal-on-metal screeching, raucous laughter, and a few lighter, feminine squeals that indicated that a few of the party goers had found entertainment to bring back to the base. Or maybe a few of the "chixorz" had wound up, back at the base tonight, although that seemed unlikely.
Bernard mentally switched tracks to this new line of thought, considering that the for one of the more powerful gangs in paragon city and with the lure of a life of hedonism and excelsior, they had depressingly few female members. Might want to mention that to on of the bosses, actually. Maybe there was a decreased effect of excel on women, or maybe they all thought that the shirtless look was compulsory. regardless of the reason, he . . was that movement? another raid by one of the "destined" stalkers?
"Who's there?" "N0, Wh0 are y0u? St4y r1ght th3re, f00l." Bernard relaxed slightly. Although some villains could replicate freakspeak, few where willing to go the rout of cybernetic enhancement, and he could make out the distinctive shape of a swiper's metal arm in the gloom. He shifted slightly, bringing his hammer up into the inquisitive beam of the flashlight carried by
the other sentry. "Fellow freakshow, stand down." the other freak peered closer shining the beam of his flashlight into bernard's face.
"Burn4b01?"
"Yeah." The swiper lowered his light, and once bernard's eyes had adjusted, herecognized the other cyborg and struggled to recall his name. "Y0u're r1ght 0n sch3dule, Burn4b01."
Bernard suddenly felt the flash of insight and held up his watch, triggering the luminescencent face. "It's midnight, Francis. You're off duty now". "Fr33f1re" Francis the swiper heaved an impressive sigh of relief at this, more than usually merited by the situation. "Th4nks. It's d4mn c0ld, and I'm k1nda d0wn." Bernard had to prevent himself from physically starting at this information, depression was obviously not a usual affliction of the freakshow. Rather than call attention to it, he decided to hastily change the subject.
"All quiet tonight?" Francis gave a brief affirmative "N0t ev3n a m0use's squ34k." Bernard decided to take this with a grain of salt, by the time that most villains had taken a foothold on sharkhead, they'd had the weakest members weeded out, and midnight stalker raids weren't uncommon. "Well, goodnight. Oh, and if you see Horace or Massacre, tell 'em to get their butts up here." Francis gave a grin and cocked his head, prompting Bernard to become aware of a backround shuffling of boots on the metal plating. "I th1nk th3y're alr34dy c0m1ng. St0p r1ght th3re and id3nt1fy y0urs3lf!"
The response came swiftly as the other gang members approached "Fellow freakshow!" "And w4rr10rs of sh4rkh34d". Francis watched the two freaks approach, Horus crackling with the electrical discharge of his Stunner implants, the huge claws at the end of "Massacre" Marcelo's cybernetic arms gouging grooves in the scrap metal wall as he instinctively ran his "hand" across it. Francis gave a brief wave to the other two and started along the beaten track towards either a door or a wall sloped enough that he could climb up it. "G'n1ght. S3e y0u l4t3r." he called briefly back over his shoulder.
"W41t, Fr33f1re. Wh0's on w4tch n0w?" growled
Marcelo, his role of as a champion apparently instilling some sense of obligation to make sure that the walls where not being left unguarded.
"Burn4b01's on p01nt. C4tch y0u l4t3r." apparently not to be deterred, Francis found a low point in the wall and hooked his scythed blade over it, using it to lever himself up and over into the compound.
Marcelo shrugged at the vanished sentry and turned back to the Stunner and Enforcer standing with him "H3y, burn4b01. H0ld1ng 0ut pr3tty w3ll?" Bernard nodded, and winced as a stray electrical charge grounded itself in a peice of rebar sticking out of the ground uncomfortably close to where he was standing. "Hey, Marcello. Horace is here too?" he asked retorically. "More or less" groaned the unfortunate stunner, apparently upset about being roused by the large Champion to stand outside in such inhospitable weather. on closer inspection of the situation, Bernard could hardly blame him. "So, s33n anyth1ng s0 f4r?" interrupted Marcelo, leaning in eagerly. "I haven't seen anything." Bernard replied, grateful for the fact but certain that these circumstances where unlikely to persist for much longer. "H0r4ce th1nks w3're nuts, he w0n't l3t h1ms3lf b3l13ve w3've s33n anyth1ng at all. Th4t's why I ask3d h1m to c0me st4nd gu4rd w1th us t0n1ght, s0 th4t if it sh0ws up ag41n h3 c4n s33 it and try t4lk1ng t0 it", Marcello intoned to Bernard.
"Nonsense. Nothing is going to happen tonight" Grumbled Horus, adjusting his rectangular pince-nez glasses as he spoke. Bernard sighed inwardly at the vain freakshow scholar and prepared himself for another round of the story. "Let's sit down for a while, and Marcelo and I will tell you the story *again*, even though you refuse to believe it." "
I agree." concurred Horus, and found a relatively cozy piece of
debri to lounge upon, igniting a pile of driftwood with an electrical blast as he did so, causing the other two present to jump and suffusing the area in a warm glow.
Once he'd gotten over the surprise and had gratefully huddled down next to the warmth, he began to spin his tale, recalling his long ago English lessons and beginning to artfully spin his tale. "Last night, when that star there was west of the north star and had traveled across the night sky, past the hellforge stacks to that point where it's shining now, one o'clock in the morning,
Marcelo and I where on duty when-"
"Shut up! It's c0m1ng!" Hissed Marcelo, jumping to his feet and
readying himself as he would against any intruder. Horus and Bernard followed suit, leaping to their feet to be faced with a horrify apparition. "It looks just like our old boss. ." murmured Bernard, face white at the spectral figment of the once mighty Freak Tank, the keystone of the sharkhead enclave. Marcellus essayed a quick jab at the gratifyingly dumbstruck Horus, prompting him to jump. "Y0u're the sch0l4r h3r3, H0rus. G0 s4y s0m3th1ng t0 it!" Bernard barely heard them, staring at the ominous hulking mass of the freakshow ghost, the light reflecting off of his meticulously shaved head and polished metal. "Doesn't it look just like him?" he whispered. "Very much so. It's. . Terrifying." replied Horus, glancing at the enforcer as if his behavior worried him far more. "It wants us to speak to it" continued Bernard in his hushed tone. "Ask it s0m3th1ng!" shouted Marcelo, grabbing Horus and roughly shoving
him forward, directly into the path of the lumbering ghost. Horus stared up at it, mouth moving soundlessly for a moment before ringing out his challenge in false bravado:
"What are you? Out so late at night and looking like the dead leader of this fortress when he was geared up for a fight? I command you, answer me!". The silence was deafening for a moment, then the spectral figure became more and more indistinct in the light of the impromptu campfire "L00ks l1ke y0u ups3t it." called Marcelo, who was crouching behind a nearby piece of cover as if expecting the ghost to explode or eat Horus any second now.
"Look, it's fading away!" resounded Bernard, standing and pointing at the fading figment. "Stay! Speak! Speak! I'm ordering you to speak!" Shouted a significantly emboldened Horus, as the last few fragments of ectoplasm faded away.
"It's g0ne. N0t g0nna answ3r n0w." replied Marcelo, stepping out from behind the sheet metal he'd been taking cover behind. Bernard couldn't help needling the shaking Stunner, "What's the matter, Horus? You agree that this isn't some imagined figment of ours now? What do you think?".
Horus took a few deep breaths and a swig of some acrid smelling liquid from his hip flask before responding, "I swear, If i hadn't seen this with my own eyes I would never have believed you." "Doesn't it look just like the old boss?" quipped Bernard, practically bouncing with excitement at the question. "Yes, just as much as you look like yourself. I remember him looking exactly like that when he fought the Family's squads getting a foothold here. And I remember him scowling like that
when he attacked those Sky Raiders who where doing dive bomb runs on our guys. It's weird." Horus paused and ran a hand through his fussy shoulder-length hair.
"It's h4pp3n3d tw1ce b3f0r3, alw4ys at th1s t1me of n1ght. He st4lks p4st, dr3ss3d l1ke h3's h34d1ng 0ut to b4ttl3" supplied Marcelo, hoping for some insight from the self proclaimed scholar.
"I don't know how to explain this, but I've got a feeling that this means bad news for our little fortress here." responded Horus. Marcelo sagged visibly, but rallied after a moment. "All r1ght, l3t's just s1t d0wn and d1scuss th4t qu3st10n. S0m30n3 t3ll me why w3'r3 on such str1ct gu4rd duty, why s0 m4ny n3w w34p0ns are g3tt1ng sh1pp3d in, and why our m34t d0ct0rs are s0 busy th3y b4r3ly st0p f0r sl33p. Is s0m3th1ng g01ng 0n th4t m3r1ts th3m w0rk1ng d4y and n1ght?"
"Actually. . .I can answer that." Horus grimaced and settled himself down on his bit of rubble again, beginning his story.
"Or at least, I can describe the rumors. As you know, our late leader, who we just now saw, was the great rival of Falcon Marcone, one of the Family Dons in this area. Falcon dared to challenge him to battle, and in that fight, our courageous (or at least that's how we thought of him) leader Hasegawa cut him down with that huge sword of his."
"Wait, wait, wait." Interrupted Bernard "Hasegawa's the name of our boss's son, not the boss's name."
Horus shot him a glare before continuing "It's his LAST name, you fool. Japanese introduce themselves last name first".
"Oh.", responded Bernard, faintly cowed, "But what was the boss's first name? and his son's name, too?"
Horus stared at him a moment, then simply replied, "Good question". Bernard started to continue the subject, but Horus lifted his chin slightly, getting the light to reflect off his glasses and exuding a nearly palpable aura of menace that stated in no uncertain terms that the subject was closed.
"Where was I? Hasegawa cut down Falcon, and law of the jungle went into effect. We scooped up all the territory he'd been holding before dying, since they'd have done the same if the boss had been killed. But Falcon's kid, Fawkes- brave, but still wet behind the ears- gathered a bunch of capo's from the outskirts of the family territory. They're just building up arms to take back all the territory that Falcon lost. So, that's the basic reason we're posted out here and that there's such a commotion going on lately."
"Well, I suppose that explains a lot. The boss is back as a ghost because he's the cause of all of this turf war" proclaimed Bernard, as if this summed up the matter nicely.
"I think this is more of a problem than you're admitting. In the days be fore we showed up, just before the hero Scrapyard was assassinated, corpses rose from their graves and ran through the streets gibbering. There where shooting stars and there was blood mixed in with the morning dew. The moon was put into such an eclipse it was hard to tell that it was there at all. and we're starting to have similar omens of things to come now, as if heaven and earth are trying to warn us of what's going to happen".
All parties started suddenly as a chill more sinister and greater than the cold of the night washed over them. "Wait, look! Here it comes again. I'll try and speak to it again, even if it's the last thing I do. Stand your ground, illusion!" Horus stood challengingly at the ghost as it towered over him, spreading it's huge gauntleted hands. "If you have a voice or can make any sort of sound, speak to me. If there's anything I can do to bring you some peace (and honor to myself) then speak! if you have some secret knowledge that you must impart upon us to ensure our victory in the coming fight, then please, tell us. Or if somewhere you have hoarded the riches you stole in life, and that knowing that they go to waste has made your spirit restless, then tell us. Stay, and speak!"
A rooster crowed loudly, interrupting Horus' monologue and causing all present to start, including the shadowy appartition of the freakshow Tank, who began to fade again at the sound. "Stop it, Marcelo!"
"Wh4t?!? Y0u w4nt me to att4ck it?"
"If it doesn't stand still, yes!"
Marcello, paused, then apparently made up his mind, lunging at the vestigal traces of the figment with both claws, but passing throught the figure and landing in an almost comical heap on the other side. Marcelo stood and dusted himself off grumbling in annoyance. "It's g0ne. W3 wh3r3 wr0ng t0 thr34t3n it, It l00k3d t0o much l1ke b0ss H4s3g4wa. Bes1des, y0u c4n't hurt a gh0st anym0re th4n y0u c4n hurt a1r. Th4t att4ck w4s stup1d." Bernardo offered his hammer down, and Marcelo gratefuly hooked a claw around it and hoisted himself up with it, Bernardo glancing over to Horace and speaking briefly.
"It was about to say something, till that rooster crowed." Horace adjusted his glasses again, as if thinking.
"Yeah, and then it started like a guilty concience. I read once that the rooster's crow calls awakens the god of day, and calls all wandering ghosts back to their hiding places. It would seem that we've just seen some proof of this myth". Marcellus glanced back at the spot that the ghost had dissapeared to, before adding
"Y34h, it f4d3d aw4y wh3n the r00st3r cr0w3d. S0me p30ple s4y th4t r1ght b3f0re chr1stm4s, the r00st3r cr0ws all n1ght, and n0 gh0st d4r3s t0 w4nd3r, and the n1ght is s4f3. N0 curs3s, f4r13s and w1tch3s sp3lls don't work. Th4t's how h0ly a d3c3mb3r n1ght is."
Both Horus and Bernard glanced at one another, wondering at the odd show of piety just displayed by their fellow freak. It was odd hearing Christian gospel from the mouth of a cyborg monstrosity with giant claws for hands. Horace Cleared his throat and cautionsly responded,
"yes, I've head the same thing and sort of believe it, but look. Morning is breaking beyond that hill, Let's interrupt the watch and go tell young Hasegawa about what we've seen tonight. I'm sure this ghost will have something to say to him at least. Come on, don't we owe it to him to tell him about this?"
Marcelo nodded, and the began heading towards the fortresses' door.
"L3t's d0 it. I kn0w wh3r3 w3'll f1nd h1m th1s m0rn1ng.