I employ a number of styles when depicting action in my writing. Sometimes I will use inference, by directing the attention of the scene someplace else. When I wrote Sashas interrogation, many of the actions were direct, Sasha fired a round through the mans leg, and many were simply the aftermath of the action. A snap rang through the room as blood splattered against the wall.
Sometimes I get deep into the character. Pain in his right shoulder as he stumbles momentarily. He pushes forward, another burning pain in his left side. He raises his rifle and feels the familiar shove into his wounded shoulder. His world explodes in pain. The ground in front of him disappears, replaced by a grey cloud and a momentary flash of flame, struggling briefly to escape the dust. Heat and pressure throw him back, and the ground strikes him on the legs and back, as tiny pieces of earth pelt him all up and down his armor and visor. The heavy roar, like jet engines in his ears drowns out everything else. Hes disconnected from the world, floating in a sea of pain and confusion.
Whats important is to try to conserve energy by putting as much description into the action as possible, which allows you to keep it short.
You can stutter along, There was a green, wooden building in a wheat field. The sun was shining on it. Tom was near the building. He took cover behind it after running through the field. He was scared. He peeked out. He realized he didnt have good cover.
Or you can streamline it. Tom tore through the sunlit field of wheat, desperately trying to make it to the light cover of the green, wooden building. Overcoming his terror, he risked a glance, looking for something more sturdy to hide behind.
Not less words, but a more coherent thought.
Sometimes I describe a single moment in great detail, then push forward at a higher speed, and the audience will assume that things that complicated continue to happen, theyre just getting every single detail.
Often times Ill brush quickly through the action, describing only the important moments. I can get quite a bit of action out of just a few lines.
The important thing to think about is what MUST the audience get out of this? Whats crucial?
Theres my two cents. Feel free to check out my writings or PM me with questions if you would like more advice from me. Not that Im anyone special, Im just sayin
Averick is right on in that action scenes require many different styles depending both on what you want the reader to feel, and what you want your character to express. The big thing for me, is always assume the audience has no past history with what you're doing. That means, if your character has a martial artist background, he does not bust out Ki Bon Su # 10 (Bonus points to ayone who can tell me what style that's from!). Rather, your character could make a show of channeling some Ki (Or Chi, as you will.), and then swing his arm around, bringing the offender into a joint lock. The main thing is, explain your actions concisely, because things will naturally get lost in translation between your mental image of what's happening, and what you're writing.
To that effect, it's fairly important to know what you're going to do ahead of time, but it would appear you know that already.
So, to sum it up, concise, explicit language, a focus on cause and effect, and explanations for how your character does whatever s/he does in layman's terms. After that, it's all pretty easy.
Inference really is a good idea. I should make a note to lean more heavily on it, as it's oftentimes the more productive tool. In action scenes, it seems to be good for a variety of things, from describing speed and surprise to simply streamlining the action without needing to describe cause and effect separately.
Explaining character's actions to the audience rather than simply stating them is also a good point. I actually suffer from the opposite - over-description. I tend to overdo it on the description of what is otherwise a simple action, sometimes to adding some dramatic flair (say make a cannon shot "feel" more powerful) and sometimes just going into probably needless detail. I will make a note to work on that, as well, however. You do have a point.
I'm going to have to try and apply that to a scene that has a lot of fast, short and non-cyclical actions in it, such as a grappling fight or a martial arts duel. I feel some kind of generalization of the action needs to occur for it to flow well. Averick has a good point about describing a single event in detail and them moving on fast. I suspect that the best solution here would be to find some means of describing the continuous, flowing action without actually having to address exactly what's going on.
I will keep thinking on this. Thanks for your help. Now I have a basis to start off of 
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Arcanaville
Samuel_Tow is the only poster that makes me want to punch him in the head more often when I'm agreeing with him than when I'm disagreeing with him.
|
I try to follow with Greg Keyes' take on action scenes... Be descriptive.
You want the blade to drop low, just above the opponent's hip, then arc through their midsection, slicing the navel in two?
Then write that.
Massive battle can be confusing, but you can stick with describing the motion of it (Column A pushing into the midst of Army B, while Siege Engines at C raining fire down on the Fortress at E). Most readers will assume the action for themselves.
Edit: A problem with writing massive battles in the City of Heroes: Considering how quickly a working team can tear through a small army of baddies, it's not terribly conducive to writing out descriptive action scenes...
Controller mezzes group...
Blaster nukes group...
Tank and Scrapper wade into center of group to mop up.
Defender keeps everybody healthy and happy, or the baddies sick and sad.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
It leaves a lot of action scenes in the realm of strategy. It can be hard to reconcile if your characters have been mostly used in a personal context.
My Stories
Look at that. A full-grown woman pulling off pigtails. Her crazy is off the charts.
A note on that, Grey. CoX, as a game, involves Cartoon Laws of Reality, laws like Hammerspace, Distortion of Gravity and Its Effects on Falling People, etc. Many powers and attacks that appear in City of Heroes are far more fatal than they receive credit for, in game. For instance, Hellions with revolvers. One shot of that can be quite lethal, but all heroes shrug that kind of thing of, nothing done. In writing action scenes, it behooves you to assume things are more lethal. A large bolt of fire will take a mob out of the fight, or might not, depending on how hot the fire is, and what kind of mob you threw it at. As a closing note, I prefer inventing powers and attacks that fit with the overall pool theme, not using the powers from the pools themselves. Because, every hero is different. My katana scrapper will have a slightly personalized Divine Avalanche. Let that reflect itself in your characters actions.
Agreed. For instance, Experiment 2.0 and his grapple-spine, or his advanced taser compared to the in-game origin power equivalent is powerful enough to disable someone, especially if they have a metal coating or something. Prime example is the Mentalist/Experiment fight in City of Zombies.
Aye, very good point. Powers as they are in-game are simply unsuited for for an actual story, in my opinion. Some may be, but in general the way they animate and the damage/effect they inflict is just not sufficient. Gunfire is a good example, but so are most bladed weapons. I have a character who can cut through reinforced armour (Malta Titans, Rikti Chiefs, etc.), so by sheer inference, an unblocked slice on, say, a Knives of Artemis mercenary is not just fatal, but quite disgusting, as well.
The character I'm currently looking at is a sort of a cyborg girl with incredible strength. She can, to put it mildly, punch straight through tank armour from a standing stance. Delivering that kind of punch to a man's head is... Well, let's just say that he'd need to have a VERY strong head if you I want to give them any chance of survival. Some of the really super super folk can probably take that. I mean, the Statesman survived a nuclear bomb to the back of the head and I'm sure other people have ideas close to that in grandeur. But those are exceptions. By and large we fight things that are tough and strong, but not by THAT much.
I actually suffer from the problem that I simply CANNOT restrict myself to giving my characters abilities only from this game. Even character that were actually made FOR this game specifically. All of them are in some way tank-mages when I'm done describing them. Not really because I want them to be super-overpowered. They're not actually, and fail quite often, but it's just an exaggeration in description and my like for creative use of powers.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Arcanaville
Samuel_Tow is the only poster that makes me want to punch him in the head more often when I'm agreeing with him than when I'm disagreeing with him.
|
Hi I have written with Averick, He is an excellent writer. I generally am longwinded, othertimes I'm brief and to the point, it always depends on the story and what I'm trying to tell. I will tell you to check out the writing styles we use in the Whitmore thread and also the writing styles of Both Averick and myself in some of the other writings we do. He has several threads he writes in, I only have Tales link below. Feel free to send me a PM if you would like to ask me questions.
Valor
Quote:
|
by Star Ranger 4 WIN LOSE OR DRAW, WE WILL FIGHT. WE ARE HEROES This is what we DO! |
Decide that this will be another day in which you Walk The Talk.
MA #14724 Operation: Discredit @American Valor
Sentinel Of Liberty SG
[ QUOTE ]
Aye, very good point. Powers as they are in-game are simply unsuited for for an actual story, in my opinion. Some may be, but in general the way they animate and the damage/effect they inflict is just not sufficient. Gunfire is a good example, but so are most bladed weapons. I have a character who can cut through reinforced armour (Malta Titans, Rikti Chiefs, etc.), so by sheer inference, an unblocked slice on, say, a Knives of Artemis mercenary is not just fatal, but quite disgusting, as well.
[/ QUOTE ]
*Here comes Leo to derail another thread 
*
Well, I actually like using the in-game powers and feel, with enough explination, work just fine in an RP but I tend to have seemingly weaker characters(or characters with various weaknessess) so maybe it doesn't work for tank-mageish characters.
Example: My main character, a Kat/SR scrapper, doesn't actually use a katana but a bokken. I won't explain it, but he doesn't cut things by using a sharp edge to wedge through an object but focuses a certain energy that can simply separate objects on an atomic level. Granted it would take more of that energy to cut through thicker things, he can simply choose not to project the energy at all and his attack is much less lethal.
Example two: I have another character who seemingly has the strength to stop a speeding jumbo jet with a pair of palms or block a punch from Statesman himself with a finger. The catch is, he's a force manipulator so small objects (Statesman's Fist) can easily be stopped by redirecting the force of it while larger objects are tougher. If you asked him to lift a truck chances are he couldn't just do it.
MY point? In game powers can be explained far better in RP than in the game. It's much easier to say why the enemy you're fighting didn't explode in a shower of bloody gore than it is in the game.
I don't think I said anything about using just the in-game powers... I'm all about throwing in unusual things into an RP ((Cases-in-point: The BWO Dropship, the Malta Group Black Helicopter, the Sky Raiders Sky Ship, Mad Matt McGinty's Motorcycle (coming soon!))).
But I also agree with the idea of reconciling how the powers work here...
Cedric Grey, for instance, utilizes body armor to facilitate his "Indestructibleness-ness-ness-ness," but he doesn't wear body armor all the time (his first suit is cammy pants, a dark green PT T-shirt, and lots of chains). Fortunately, Invincibility comes with those hideous, gaudy auras. So, I jsut use my ubiquitous inventor, Sheldon Wallace, and whip up some defensive nanites that are the active protection in all of Cedric's different costumes. They also help to guide rounds to the armor when he wears it, because he NEVER WEARS A HELMET!
I figure if the material is there, then use it. If you don't have enough material, make some new stuff. You want your cyborg chick making heads 'splode? Then make some heads go splatter. Don't want heads going boom-boom? Then have her simply thunk a guy in the forehead with her index finger, properly demonstrating she can take them out effortlessly! Can't see it happen in-game, but who cares? It works out here!
My Stories
Look at that. A full-grown woman pulling off pigtails. Her crazy is off the charts.
Very true, To display a change in mood or a hickup action point I induce lots of drama, I use Character self talk to explain things from an outside source, I write in third person, first person which can get confusing if you don't keep track.
Keep up the good work and lets us know where to look for it.
Valor
Quote:
|
by Star Ranger 4 WIN LOSE OR DRAW, WE WILL FIGHT. WE ARE HEROES This is what we DO! |
Decide that this will be another day in which you Walk The Talk.
MA #14724 Operation: Discredit @American Valor
Sentinel Of Liberty SG
Hrm... I want to help, but I've never been very good at describing how I do things. I just do them the way I do them, you know? Anywho, I figure that I can contribute by putting up a work of fiction that is essentially one long action scene. Having an example to pick apart and point out good parts or flaws might make this conversation more....tangible, I suppose.
And it gets me some free critisism of my work, which is always good. 
So yeah, here's [u]Frakking Super Speeders[u]. Hope my contribution is useful.
Open fire! Toy Dispenser shouted and then he was among them.
A red and blue blur dashed at Mini Bot and a smaller blur slashed out at the battle drone. The drone tilted away from the slash and just barely managed to avoid it, even retaining enough presence of mind to counter with its two buzz saw tentacles. The blur easily ducked away, but this was reason enough for Mini Bot to jeer at it.
Nah nah! the drone shouted at the temporarily retreating figure. Cant get me can you Mr. Mc Stupid Speedypants!
In response the hero sneered at the little drone, sunlight glinting off of the goggles that covered much of his masked face. The mans slim katana spun around almost lazily as he blocked a particle beam fired by Small Toy; if he hadnt blocked it, there would have been a smoking hole where his blue spandexed heart would have been.
All of a sudden a shudder wracked Mini Bots frame and the other robots paused in their firing or aiming to look at it. The drone looked down quizzically at its chest and stared at the thin line that spread upward from its hip joint to the base of its neck. With a loud sizzling sound and a bang, white light shot out of the line and Mini Bot convulsed, its multiple red eyes going dark as their systems suffered critical damage. The bright red drone collapsed heavily, causing a huge burst of dust to shoot up into the air and slowly fall down, glittering prettily in the beams of light coming down through the holes in the ceiling above.
Ever so slowly, Toy Dispenser nervously shifted his grip on his pulse rifle to a single handed one and aimed the free hand at the hero. As red lightning began crackling up and down its length, the remaining five robots shifted their stances as well. All was silent for a few day-long seconds and then a bolt of lightning crackled out from Toys arm and slammed into the wall where the hero had been a moment before.
Suddenly in front of Combat Toy, the heros blade was met by a thick knife that ejected out of Combat Toys right wrist and rose up to parry the blow. But the strength of the blow caused the mammoth assault bot to stumble backwards a step as a sharp clang echoed through the room. A swing of its left arm caused the hero to duck and slash at Combat Toys leg, making the bot list to one side as its foot was cut cleanly away. Combat Toy fired its plasma cannons this time, but the hero had already ducked away and into a crossfire between Large Toy and Toy Bot.
The neon green battle drone pumped out bursts of plasma as fast as its twin guns could charge while the bright blue protector bot launched a rapid fire laser burst-photon grenade combo. The hero whirled around, deflecting the photon grenade and several of the plasma bursts away to harmlessly detonate on the walls while simultaneously avoiding the other shots. Bringing his sword around, the hero darted forward and slashed at Large Toy. An arm raised in self-defense clattered to the floor as it was cut off and the rest of the robot went into convulsions as the heros mysterious power did the same thing to Large Toy as it had done to Mini Bot.
Kicking out, the hero knocked Large Toy into Small Toy, sending the smaller battle drone wheeling and throwing off its shot. A quick shuffle step then sufficed to dodge a low laser blast fired at him from Toy Dispenser. At a muffled curse from the mastermind, the hero just grinned maliciously and then backflipped to land on top of Combat Toys shoulders as the assault bot attempted to bum rush him from behind.
Get the hell off! Combat Toy shouted as it threw itself to the ground in order to dislodge the hero and give the other robots a clear shot.
The hero neatly flipped through the air again and slashed at Toy Dispenser as he landed next to the mastermind. Toy narrowly blocked the blow with a suddenly shimmering white hand, the equipped force field generator serving as a handy point defense shield. With his right hand, Toy brought around his rifle and fired point blank at the hero, who sidestepped and slashed out again with his sword but this time with a second cut as he brought his sword back around. The first slash was dodged as Toy threw himself backwards but when the hero advanced forward and followed up, the pulse rifle was sacrificed to enable Toy Dispenser to escape unharmed.
The hero was then taken unawares as Block Bot tackled him to the ground, the protector bot also accompanied by a pair of seeker drones that buzzed ominously, their thin, whip-like stabilizer attachments traded out for high powered buzz saws. These flew around the struggling pair, waiting for the hero to take one wrong move as he battled with Block Bot for control of his sword.
I may die but Im sure as hell making it hard for you! Block Bot shouted in the heros face with none of his normal lethargy as the robot tried to smash it in with one hand while trying to keep the sword away with the other.
What was visible of the heros face contorted in a deep scowl as he wrestled with Block Bot and saw Combat Toy getting to its feet over the black protector bots shoulder. With a snort the hero twisted the hilt of his sword, causing it to emit an extremely short ranged sonic pulse that tore into the vital systems underneath Block Bots armor while leaving only a small entrance scar. Its eyes flickering erratically as systems overloaded and shut down, Block Bots grip went limp and the hero was able to bring up both legs and kick Block Bot off of him, also hitting both seeker drones with the body and sending them tumbling to the floor.
Somersaulting to his feet, the hero avoided a flurry of missiles that slammed right where he had been. But he couldnt avoid the trailing edge of the explosions and was launched through the air right at Combat Toy, who grabbed the hero in a bear hug and started crushing the life out of him. But the heros left arm was free and he took the opportunity to stab his fingers into the temporarily unprotected elbow joint of Combat Toys right arm. By channeling a brief surge of raw kinetic energy through his fingertips he severed some of the artificial muscles that kept that arm working and also gave himself some nasty burns, which was why he didnt use that trick very often.
Suddenly able to wiggle free, the hero slipped out of Combat Toys grasp and danced away from the assault bot before slashing out for a near miss at Combat Toys head. But the sonic ability of his sword came into affect again as Combat Toys thin eye strip shattered and spat sparks as the massive assault bot toppled backward like a felled tree.
A purple particle beam grazed the heros shoulder and was immediately joined by two plasma bolts that slammed into his back and knocked him sprawling to the ground. A raw bolt of force then thundered into his side, sending him sliding across the ground to painfully collide with the wall. The amount of dust knocked up by all this set him to choking helplessly for a minute, even though he could see the remaining three enemies perfectly through his goggles.
Finish him, Toy Dispenser said to Small Toy as he crouched down low, spread his arms, and started focusing his energies, causing arcs of lightning to occasionally flash from his arms to the floor.
Target sighted, the pale grey battle drone said as it took aim down the entire length of its right arm, which was little more than a high powered sniper rifle.
There was a loud crack of superheated air as the rifle fired and two softer thuds as two battle drone heads hit the ground. Panting hard from straining his powers to the utmost, the hero nevertheless managed to give Toy Dispenser a wide grin as he pointed his sword at the mastermind.
Abandoning his offensive posture, Toy Dispenser stood up and looked squarely at the hero as he raised his hands.
Guess youve got me, he said as the hero started advancing on him with katana raised high.
There was a loud roar and the air was suddenly filled with dust and sunlight as six robots burst through the roof and landed in a rough circle around the hero. Combat Toy adjusted its footing on Toy Bots corpse as it loomed up behind the hero while Toy Bot stood atop the remains of the first Block Bot.
Psyche, Toy said as the heros grin fell and Combat Toy brought both fists down.
Statesman said let there be heroes, and there were heroes.
Lord Recluse said let there be villains, and there were villains.
NCsoft said let there be nothing, and there was nothing.
If you want some critiquing on that piece, the first thing I'd say is cut down on your use of prepositional phrases.
[ QUOTE ]
...if he hadnt blocked it, there would have been a smoking hole where his blue spandexed heart would have been.
[/ QUOTE ]
... becomes a much more effective sentence if you simply say
'...if he hadnt blocked it, there would have been a smoking hole in his chest.'
Phrases aren't necessary, and distract from what you're trying to say. Attempt to avoid them.
Secondly, 'suddenly' is a word best used in cases of extreme spontanaity. Generally, that kind of thing doesn't happen in a fight. So, you could cut that out of your writing as well.
[ QUOTE ]
All of a sudden a shudder wracked Mini Bots frame and the other robots paused in their firing or aiming to look at it.
[/ QUOTE ]
Drop the 'all of a sudden', and you simply have an action preformed. You've already explained your character moves fast enough that the robots can't track him; browbeating is wasted space.
Lastly, I'd recommend you avoid conflicting descriptions, or describing too much. Below, your sentence spends alot of time discussing the grip, but the adjectives don't agree.
[ QUOTE ]
Ever so slowly, Toy Dispenser nervously shifted his grip on his pulse rifle...
[/ QUOTE ]
Ever so slowly implies care. He's preformign the action with precision, mabye some subterfuge, but he's doing it very, very carefully. Nervously, on the other hand, is a shaky, twitchy, quick movement. It isn't careful, it isn't subtle, it's reflexive. Characters don't usually notice they've made a nervous movement, or don't bother to hide that they're doing it.
In closing, read, edit, and re-read work. Concise explanations improve clarity, and while that doesn't mean you should be sparse in your work, make sure you take time to find the correct wording, as opposed to large wording.
Of all the things I've ever had to write, by far the biggest dog has been action scenes. No matter what I do, it never comes out right. I want to put some detail into them, not just "he did she did he did," but that makes it a bit too heavy. I've tried the Dragonball Z approach, where you have relatively few key actions and an action scene is resolved by several actions. That's as opposed to the A.T.O.M. approach, where battles are fully-animated, long-lasting and very scinematic.
So I've come here to request your help. Allow me to put my question in very simple terms: could you help me write my action scenes better? I'm looking for good ways to balance action and description in a way that both keeps the action very graphic (as in - better-described than just stating what just happened) and yet not overly-complicated or needlessly prolonged.
My problem stems from my latest venture. Up until now I've always had a "big thing" on at least one end of every battle. Big things are easy to write about, as they tend to take relatively few actions and they tend to be pretty slow. These actions also tend to be very BIG, so that provides a lot of meat for description. But among the most difficult things I've found so far is describing the battle between two small things. Think your average Jackie Chan or Jet Li fight. OBVIOUSLY I can't describe every action - that would be ludicrous. But what do I cut, what do I keep and... Well, generally how would I go about it? I trust using some kind of "good English" would help alleviate the sheer SIZE of such a scene's narrative, but I need a generally better way of going about those that still keeps the action feeling cinematic.
Any help on this matter would be most appreciated.