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There might even be a recipe or two.
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God help us all.
"You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous." - Neil Gaiman
"You know what I love? People who respond with aggression and belligerence thinking it replaces logic." - Blue Mourning
Dear Sir or Madam
This letter is to inform you the term "Uncommon Valor" is a trademarked and copyright property of New Line Cinema, a Time Warner company. Any and all usage of the phrase "Uncommon Valor" as it pertains to voice, video or written communication must be licensed and approved with the parent Time Warner Communication. Please contact Ms. Buffy Greedygrabforpower at Time Warner to work out an appropriate fee. Until said fee can be worked out, please cease and desist
Sincerely
Sharky Sueanythingformoney
Attorney at Law
P.S. It is a thrill to be working with a hero such as yourself, I loved your pictorial in Uncapped.
Jack Wolfe Prototype Super Tank, over 25 million in damage taken in the service of others
My 360 hates me and writes about it
Jack's X-Box's Blog
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. ---Og Mandino---
Jordan was reading a newspaper. It was a new hobby of his, as he lacked much to do when not out heroing, or being put down for being an ex-villain, or an old friend now turned enemy getting on his [censored] for killing a friend of said now enemy who killed his own friend, and thus repayed in kind. He saw 'Uncommon Valor', and read the first few lines...
Then smiled. He would definately be reading in on this.
Stephan Wielder brought the mug of hot chocolate to his lips as he leaned back in the reclining seat and flicked out the paper with his free hand. Though it was early morning, he liked to get a bit of a headstart on the day by waking early, unless of course the previous night had been a bit of a blinder, then he was known to miss out on a day or two in his coma-like-nap.
Alot of the paper was the usual stuff. 'Drugs that will bring about the end of our civilisation', 'Which baby-products will turn your child into the next Unbelievable-man' and a reprint of their article from two months ago 'Radioactivity, super-power-giving energy, or dangerous cancer-causing death-stuff'. It wasn't until he'd turned a few pages he stumbled upon 'Uncommon Valor', the title attracting his attention.
"Huh... Heard a little about her. She must've got that job I applied for. Well, good for her." Finishing his quick monologue he was about to turn the page, before his attention caught on some of the words, and he found himself chuckling, and adding 'read Uncommon Valor column as often as possible' to his mental to-do list.
Hello!
I'm hoping you can help! My familiar appears to have picked up some sort of parasite--green glowing things that make him scratch a lot and whine. I don't want to bring him to a vet; I tried that once, it didn't work out well. At all. I tried to apologize and paid for the reconstructive surgery even, but still...
Any advice from you and your readers? You'd make me the happiest lil thing in Paragon City.
Signed,
Just Peachie (and Peachie's Familiar)
Dear Mr. Sueanythingformoney,
It has come to our attention that you have issued a "cease and desist" request concerning an alleged trademark and copyright violation on behalf of Time Warner Communications regarding the phrase "Uncommon Valor". Please be advised that documents filed on behalf of Time Warner did in fact reference only the phrase "Uncommon Valer" (sic). Notwithstanding any proponderance of evidence suggesting that this was, ipso facto, a typographical error, you should be aware that this has been deemed an insufficient argument as determined by the majority ruling in 20th Century Fox vs. Mighty Moose. Therefore, in accordance with federal law and with all due respect, you are hereby advised to seek the acquisition of an adequate spellchecker, and in the meantime to put your "cease and desist" request where the sun don't shine.
Sincerely,
I. Dunno Howe,
Wee, Cheatham & Howe, Attorneys
"You see this new column, Tommy?" Lou said. He walked out of the garage office where he'd been going over the books after another week of automotive repair and restoration and to the hydraulic lift where Back Yard Boom was changing the oil on a customer's car.
"What's that, boss? What column?" Boomer asked.
"This one, from this new hottie whatshername... Soaring Valor, it says here," Lou said in reply.
Boomer looked at the paper. "Soaring Valor?"
"Yeah."
"Ah, geez," Boomer said as he wiped dirty motor oil off of his metal hands, "this could be good, or it could keep Shining Glory from ever showin' her face in Paragon again."
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Capt Starfall reads the newspaper in the morning with his cup of coffee and smiles, "Atta girl"
Komrade Tesla looks over the newspaper, tossing it aside when he remembers that he has trouble understanding written english. Then, to cover for the fact that he has problems reading the paper, he growls, "Bah! Imperialist dogs and their propoganda!"
Soaring Valor,
I loved the article and can't wait for more. Can I get your autograph?
Best regards,
I. M. Single
Moloch paused, holding up the newspaper to Laurel, over the breakfast table. Paper met with the bacon in the middle of the table, while normal conversation ensued around them. Of course, there would be a lull, just as Moloch spoke. Such is the vice of dramatic timing.
"See, Laurel, that is a milf." He said, tapping the picture by the column.
A lengthy pause settled on the table, during which Moloch realised everyone had heard that.
"I mean, you know, theoretically. Just saying, for Laurel's... look, just shut up." the reptilian snorted, setting up the newspaper like a fort, eating quietly behind it.
And on the other side of the paper wall, most of Project Corona did their best not to snigger too obviously.
The Place Where Everybody Knows Your Name.
With the anniversary of Pocket Ds reopening upon us, Ive decided to pull back the curtains and strip away the mystique to give you an insiders look at the citys hottest nightspot.
No need to thank me for my hard work on this, kids; its a dirty job, but somebody has to swill all those Red Beast-and-vodkas in the name of journalistic excellence.
So lets get down to the nitty-gritty whats the place really like? Well, the drinks are overpriced, the foods lousy, and the music is amped to cover the fact that they play one CD endlessly. End of column. Wow, that was easy.
No, I kid, I kid. Because any insiders look at the D has to focus on the people you see there. In that department, Pocket D is pretty much like any other bar. And any bar, you see, is pretty much like Cheers. Yes, the sitcom. Just work with me, okay? If youre not familiar with it, head on over to YouTube and dont stop for any Sister Psyche hentai. Ill wait.
On an average night at Pocket D, I predict that youll run into one or more of the following Cheers archetypes. In fact, lets call them ATs for short; catchy, huh?
The Diane Her rolodex of friends is already full, and her time is precious. If she speaks to you at all, itll be to tell you why she doesnt speak to people like you.
The Carla Get too close to this grizzled veteran, and youll receive an earful about how much better things used to be. Prepare for anecdotes about the days when heroes patrolled Perez Park in droves and how the reopening of Sirens Call is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
The Woody - The clue bus has departed, and The Woody failed to purchase his ticket. He's perpetually one mental step behind everyone else and fails to notice even when The Diane condescends to him or The Carla chews him out. And yet, he's having a good time, which is more than can be said for many.
The Cliff The guy at the end of the bar who knows everything and isnt afraid to tell you about it in excruciating detail. Even when hes totally wrong. Even when you totally dont care. You are merely the audience for the Cliffs never-ending monologue.
The Sam Picture-perfect, but always has some sort of earth-shattering problem that has to be fixed immediately. This, of course, requires the help (or, at least, the attention) of everyone within hearing distance.
The Robin Colcourt Filthy rich, has homes on six continents (and probably outer space), speaks ten languages and has a dozen degrees. The Robin is also often qualified under every hero discipline in the book. Youll never be better than The Robin, and hell be happy to remind you of it.
Of course, the list above only scratches the surface of the various ATs you may encounter. Try expanding it yourself or even stretching the format by using a different sitcom. I personally find the Family Ties variation particularly amusing.
I hope youve enjoyed this glimpse behind the doors at the D. If you havent, frankly, its probably because youre a Lilith. Next week, Ill be serving up a special Valentines Day column where I offer my advice on your romantic challenges, so send me those cards, letters and emails, kids!
"You'll go blind if you keep doing that!" Valor's follow-up cackle drifted up the stairs and into the cramped home office as Glory stood by the door.
"I'm doing... research for school," Glory called back.
"Research. Uh-huh. Well, there better not be any more Masi Oka fansites in the browser history when I come up there, young lady." A thoughtful pause. "For god's sake, at least go for Adrian Pasdar!"
Glory rolled her eyes and closed the door. It didn't stop the ongoing commentary. "I know you just rolled your eyes!"
Glory slid into the chair, cracked her knuckles and called up The Paragon Sentinel website. She scrolled quickly to the online version of "Uncommon Valor" and began to type in the "Advice to the Lovelorn" thread.
Dear Valor,
I'm a superheroine edging into middle age, and I have my eye on a younger guy, a military man who's all truth, justice and the American way. Well, he's not really younger, but the super-secret process that gave him his powers keeps him looking that way. Do you think I have a chance if I continue to get so much silver in my hair? Also, he tends to hide out a lot on his team's orbital space station when I'm around -- any suggestions on how I might lure him down to earth?
Desperate in Downtown Overlook
Footsteps on the creaking stairs alerted Glory to the imminent arrival of her mother. Fortunately, Uncommon Valor had a "boss button" and Glory made use of it.
"How's the research going?"
"Pretty much finished."
"Do I get to read this paper?"
"Absolutely," Glory told her mother. "Can't wait to hear what you think about it."
"Cool, lemme just do a couple of things on my column first." Valor waved Glory from the chair and brought up her website.
Glory was halfway down the stairs before the shouting began.
Any opinions expressed above are merely the poster's own and do not necessarily coincide with the goals or beliefs of the Secret Ruling Forum Cabal.
*dies laughing* 
"Send letters, eh? Sounds interesting" The voice of Jordan echoed through the place he was staying. His computer, letters, and paper all sat on a desk. He figured the gal needed an ego boost.
He cracked his knuckles, and began writing.
Dear Valor,
I have a bit of a problem. You see, i'm infatuated with you, and I cannot hope to conceal it any longer. I need to know, my darling, if we could meet at any point in time. Years in the future, the present... any time for you.
Sincerely,
Anon.
Dear Valor,
Hey, it's me. Just had a few general questions.
1.) Do you kiss on the first date, or just hug or something?
2.) Does Glory prefer roses, or chocolate?
3.) Is Glory, indeed, single?
Your pal,
Jordan
P.S: I'm only kinda serious."
And he wrote letters like the first one. A LOT of them. No return adress, but general kiss-assery, in a lot more neat handwriting then his own. His own was sloppy, and thouraghly unrecognizable from the "hay i luv u valor luv me 2" letters he sent.
Now, to wait.
Oi
Jack Wolfe Prototype Super Tank, over 25 million in damage taken in the service of others
My 360 hates me and writes about it
Jack's X-Box's Blog
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. ---Og Mandino---
Tiega hung quietly from the ceiling by her toes, musing over the article thoughtfully over whether or not she should write into Valors column for advice. Having met with the writer of uncommon valor many times before, she wasn't exactly confident she was the best person to ask. She rustled her leathery wings and readjusted them as she hung there, digging her claws deeper into the wood ceiling to get a better grip. She folded the newspaper under her arm, shrugged to herself, and dropped from the ceiling, flipping mid-air to flutter safely to the ground.
She sighed, seeing Jordan had been using her desk again, notes strewn about her desk and waste bin, her pen now freshly out of ink, and she couldn't help but wonder what he needed all those letters he had sent out for. she pushed them off her desk and began typing an e-mail, pausing and squinting at the keyboard behind her thick glasses, her yellow eyes straining to see where to put her fingers before she began composing the letter.
Dear Valor,
"I'm a woman with *She paused at the keyboard and tried to think of a good adjective* a unique appearance, and many men feel *She paused again, sighed, and stared at the monitor* intimidated around me. As such, I've had a hard time finding guys. are there any tips or tricks to making guys interested?
Signed,
Guy-less in Galaxy City."
She scooted close to the screen to review what she wrote, and smiled satsifedly, sending the e-mail on it's way. she sat back and yawned, returning to the rafters of the apartment.
Moloch hovered. Bec hated it when people hovered. Her professors had had the habit of doing that, since to a man, they'd all been very worried about somehow annoying the prodigy amongst them. Usually, a hard stare, or a prolonged pause, was enough to communicate the message. Not so with Moloch. The boy was impervious to such things. Vexing. And he paced. Oh, how he paced - always seeming to hit the right not-quite-creaky-enough-to-warrant-handyman-attention board in the common room, circling around behind her.
No wonder his kind kept to deserts normally.
"Lochlan," she spoke, her accent - a dignified Quebecois - ringing in the room. "Are you waiting for something?"
"Well," he paused in his hovering, pacing, creaking manner. "I -" he paused again. "No, don't worry about it." he said, turning back to his symphony of irritation.
Bec sighed, turning to the keyboard once more. He'd been like this since breakfast. Perhaps he was worried that he'd embarassed himself a little too much? With a thought process that ran faster than light, Bec dismissed that idea. Of course not. If Moloch had an upper limit on how embarassed he could be, he'd have struck it well before now. No, this was something else.
Bec cracked all her knuckles, fire dancing under her skin, and rested her finers on the keys. Sentences were composed, paragraphs created, and a short novella of a question - with references, footnotes and illustrated diagrams - coalesced in her mind, before the vicious, brutal axe of socialisation was applied. Every time Bec wanted to communicate in any but the most superficial way, this was the result - she knew nobody had the time she did to think things through the way she did... and so, she had to collapse her thoughts down into words, little ugly, workmanlike things that squatted on the page, standing in the way of meaning. She much more preferred music - its purity and clarity could be appreciated regardless of language, at least.
Dear Valor,
How essential, in your experience, is the common, high-school socialisation paradigm? To wit, boyfriends, girlfriends, competition and the classic social strata displayed on numerous drama programs - are these things, in any way, reliable yardsticks to use, to give one an idea of how to 'normalise' oneself?
Signed,
Rising Star in Galaxy
Rebecca paused, surveying the letter. Too high-brow, but then, she also felt it was too short. Vexing. Something was needed to bring this down. A point of commonality... oh, wait, that would do fine - it would help link the work to the typical fare printed in the magazine, and serve the task of flattery as well. After all, it wouldn't be called flattery if it was genuine.
PS. You are hot.
Moloch watched Bec leave the common room, then, as nonchalantly as he could, leapt upon the chair like a puma, quickly pulling the browser towards his destination at speed. With a furtive caution reserved only for underaged porn-site rips, Moloch cracked all his knuckles, and got to work... now, where was that submission page... quickly clicking his way through the links, he blinked in surprise at the browser's request. PostData? What the hell is that?
With the wings of ignorance, Moloch pressed 'okay'. With the eyes of unthinkingly rude, he read. And with the mind of the teenaged male that saw lesbianism everywhere it turned, connections were drawn.
Well, this sucked.
Clearing his throat, Moloch, cast adrift on a mediocre metaphor pertaining to his own overactive imagination, cracked his knuckles again and settled in to write.
Dear Valor;
I've recently found that I've found myself attracted to two-
Moloch paused.
four
Pause.
Several women,
Pause.
two women. One is an exotic older woman, with a motherly air and that sting of unapproachable celebrity - a real icon of heroic behaviour, and with a smart, fun personality that seems to burst from her every public work. The other is clever, refreshingly blunt, and has a great accent. But while I thought one was very attainable, it seems now that she's actually interested in, of all things, the other woman! I'm really confused here - should I try, and hope that sheer force of will can overcome the barriers before me - that of the whelming of celebrity, or the problems of my other crush's alternative sexuality, or am I just doomed and should look elsewhere as it is?
Signed
Scaled Heights in Galaxy
Whelming. That was a great word. Looked really intellectual, and it's not like anyone knew it was wrong or anything, right? And Scaled Heights. Man, that was awesome. Porn stars wished they had his sense in naming.
((Clipped from the 2/1/2007 edition of The Paragon Sentinel))
Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Dorothy Parker (suggested epitaph for her tombstone), 1929
I think about that quote a lot usually when Im about to run with scissors, swim right after eating or accept an assignment from Positron. In this case, though, its on my mind because here I am about to go through the print equivalent of Public Speaking 101: First Speech: Get to Know Me.
And, yes, I am picturing all of you naked. Well, not you, Flea. Sorry.
So who am I? Well, my names Soaring Valor, and this is where Im hanging my shingle. In short, the heroine is in, and you can give yourself bonus points if you can name the reference. Heck, give yourself bonus points anyway; I cant see you cheat.
But enough about you, lets talk about me. Maybe youve seen me around town, giving the bad guys a taste of Blasto! Power alongside my daughter, Shining Glory. Perhaps youve had the privilege of sampling some of my world-famous brownies. Or the ego-bruising truth could just be that you dont have a clue who I am, which is okay. Go read my Wikipedia entry (but ignore the part about the pending restraining order Im pretty sure Captain Valor wrote that). Ill wait.
So, why me? Well, why not me? Not only am I a fountain of fascinating facts, I also have opinions on pretty much every topic, and Im not afraid to express them. In the weeks to come, you can expect me to sound off on everything from secret identities to the crowd at Pocket D to the hotly-fought battles in places like Sirens Call and Bloody Bay. You may even see a famous face or two take their turn as a guest columnist in this space.
If youre a hero or a heroine, then youre gonna feel right at home because I plan to tackle the issues that matter to you. If youre someone whose contact with heroes or heroines is limited to watching us fly by, then I hope you enjoy this intimate look behind the mask and cape. And if youre Positron, then Im still not going on any more Task Forces, even if you say pretty please.
Got suggestions, questions, ideas, comments or complaints? Drop me a line. Please be aware that, as the Dreaded Deadline Doom nears during any given week, Im not above cobbling together a column out of your missives. So if you dont want it printed, dont send it.
Okay, were just getting warmed up over here at Uncommon Valor. Come back next time for the real deal. There might even be a recipe or two.