The Place Where Everybody Knows Your Name.
With the anniversary of Pocket Ds reopening upon us, Ive decided to pull back the curtains and strip away the mystique to give you an insiders look at the citys hottest nightspot.
No need to thank me for my hard work on this, kids; its a dirty job, but somebody has to swill all those Red Beast-and-vodkas in the name of journalistic excellence.
So lets get down to the nitty-gritty whats the place really like? Well, the drinks are overpriced, the foods lousy, and the music is amped to cover the fact that they play one CD endlessly. End of column. Wow, that was easy.
No, I kid, I kid. Because any insiders look at the D has to focus on the people you see there. In that department, Pocket D is pretty much like any other bar. And any bar, you see, is pretty much like Cheers. Yes, the sitcom. Just work with me, okay? If youre not familiar with it, head on over to YouTube and dont stop for any Sister Psyche hentai. Ill wait.
On an average night at Pocket D, I predict that youll run into one or more of the following Cheers archetypes. In fact, lets call them ATs for short; catchy, huh?
The Diane Her rolodex of friends is already full, and her time is precious. If she speaks to you at all, itll be to tell you why she doesnt speak to people like you.
The Carla Get too close to this grizzled veteran, and youll receive an earful about how much better things used to be. Prepare for anecdotes about the days when heroes patrolled Perez Park in droves and how the reopening of Sirens Call is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
The Woody - The clue bus has departed, and The Woody failed to purchase his ticket. He's perpetually one mental step behind everyone else and fails to notice even when The Diane condescends to him or The Carla chews him out. And yet, he's having a good time, which is more than can be said for many.
The Cliff The guy at the end of the bar who knows everything and isnt afraid to tell you about it in excruciating detail. Even when hes totally wrong. Even when you totally dont care. You are merely the audience for the Cliffs never-ending monologue.
The Sam Picture-perfect, but always has some sort of earth-shattering problem that has to be fixed immediately. This, of course, requires the help (or, at least, the attention) of everyone within hearing distance.
The Robin Colcourt Filthy rich, has homes on six continents (and probably outer space), speaks ten languages and has a dozen degrees. The Robin is also often qualified under every hero discipline in the book. Youll never be better than The Robin, and hell be happy to remind you of it.
Of course, the list above only scratches the surface of the various ATs you may encounter. Try expanding it yourself or even stretching the format by using a different sitcom. I personally find the Family Ties variation particularly amusing.
I hope youve enjoyed this glimpse behind the doors at the D. If you havent, frankly, its probably because youre a Lilith. Next week, Ill be serving up a special Valentines Day column where I offer my advice on your romantic challenges, so send me those cards, letters and emails, kids!
