Veri

The Day I tried to Live review


I started this arc and attempted to solo it as a lvl 24 blaster. First off even though I was a little lvl 40, the lowest level of the arc, I was able to solo it up until a certain good doer said hello.

The narration in this arc is brilliant. I actually found myself getting into the narration style and really paying attention. The narration style is gritty and dark, something like Max Payne or Sin City. It is also told in the past sense, which makes sense and seems to fit with the story. The narration also keeps constant, even when you are doing bad things.


Spoilers Follow



The introduction to the arc is great. You wind up in a creepy abandoned hospital and are searching for a girl. Not a lot of special events happen but the mission is short and the clues you get are narrated well. The first mission is great.

The 2nd mission things start to get jilted. Your contact starts referring to things that do not make full sense and the story becomes convulted and cryptic. I realize you are trying to do an intenal power struggle between the character and his other selves. I never KNEW the other selves existed though. Their are continuity questions which makes following the plot very hard, as you relate to Red, Crowley and other characters that have not been mentioned. As well I found that while I was able to relate to the character in the first mission, his train of thought in the 2nd mission turned me off. The story makes it seem he is out to kill god. Only in the 4th mission did I realize he was trying to destroy his other selves?

As stated the narration style stays great, the content of the narration gets confusing.

The 2nd mission is a Kill-all mission in a medium map. Typically kill-all missions are not well liked because they can be frustrating. I am not adverse to kill all missions and did the mission. The difficulty was just right, a little threatining. The clue description was great. Having Mr Crowley as a rescuable prisioner was not. I didn't know what he was doing there, I assumed that this was him destroying the place... This setup a precedent that prisioners we see are Red actively doing the mission we are on.

The 2nd mission was a little long to my liking but nothing to prevent me from going on. I picked up the third mission.


The third mission starts off with a very convulted narration. I had no clue who the diety was, who the ruiner was and was overall confused. The narration style was again awesome but at this point I could not understand your story. I started up the mission and it was a destroy 3 tubes, this was on a large Rikti Map.

The map was far too large for my liking and I was slowly getting frustrated. I moved on and rescued prisioners and using the precedent from the 2nd mission believed that the prisioners I was rescuing was Red actively doing the mission. This proved incorrect as it was apparently an internal power struggle being played out. The dialouge mentioning that were too vauge and too cryptic. You may want to expand more on that.

The 3rd mission was by far my least favourite. The map was far too large and the events that did happen just confused me.


The fourth mission interesting. I abandoned all hope on understanding who or what the diety was. Instead we have the hero now rampaging across Steel Canyon. The dialouge was helpful stating statesman would show up. As well you mentioned in your story description that an Ally was present. I loaded up the fourth mission and found it to be an outdoor map. Outdoor maps are rarely loved. In story context it made sense for it to be outdoors. After a so-so 2nd mission and an aggravating 3rd mission I wasn't thrilled to face an outdoor map. It took me a while to search for the Statue and I destroyed it. The custom heroes didn't seem to be too hard, though I wouldn't want to face more than 1-2 at a time. Unfortunately since I was soloing I was unable to kill statesman ((nearly did, he broke my immoblize!)). Due to the fact that it is an outdoors map I was unable to find the ally.


Pros:

Narration is excellent and I liked the character.
Mission 1 is great!
Clue description helps move along the storyline.


Cons:

The story is confusing, told in cryptic sentences and is hard to follow
Mission 2,3 and 4 are frustrating and the pacing slows down in these missions.
The events are hard to follow and need more information on whats going on.

Explodes in excitement...

Ohh and new job openings HURRAH!

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Do not broadcast something akin to the following:
"lvl 20 troller lft PST"
^Seriously, you're begging for a team on broadcast and you want them to send you a tell? How arrogant can you get?


[/ QUOTE ] its not arogance its common sence. I broadcasted "lvl 12 blaster lft", lastnight and got picked up by a team where the highest player on the team was 4 lvls below me. So i promptly quit and sent the same message and got picked up buy a person running solo missions but got to one tjey couldnt finish by themself, so i figured we would be getting a team togeather but they didnt want to, they just wanted me to help them defeat a boss so they could get a new contact. i helped defeat the boss then they quit the team saying that a friend was calling them or somthing. So no it is not arrogance.

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I think you missed the point here...
It's not the "lvl 20 troller LFT" that was arrogant, it was the PST part. If you want a team bad enough that you anounce it in broadcast then dont' expect anyone to send you a tell. Just click that team window when it comes up and be done with it.

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RTFA!

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I hate to burst your bubble, but most of the folks are waiting for Blarg's 'Supervillain 101' so they probably don't want to put characters into this thread.

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Err my reply wasn't to you. It was to the person suggesting there be an open rp format of something like this thread.

Sorta cool.. but how are you gonna continue it? Eh its like a newspaper article.. Hehe ^_^.

Hmmm, well if your trying to make a newspaper article maybe put some more suspense into it :O! Like today newspaper:

Todays headline: MAN SMASHED WITH SLEDGHAMMER, ATTACKER NOT FOUND

cough.. It is open! I never said nobody could reply back!

Demo, my posts are a bit big but that's because I like to post a short story. If people do join up I'll probably post less.

With her costume on Verianna carefully and oh so sneakily made her way to the classroom. It wasn’t very hard to not be seen, even though her weird and tacky costume stood out against the glistening hallways. No Okanogan College was a place of authority, honestly and hard work. It would be a cold day in hell before a student decided to skip class. That was just the kind of place Okanogan was. The people were orderly, calm and quite disciplined. Kids obeyed their parents. Crime was at an all time low.

Even though her brown sandals went “squeeka squeek” Verianna wasn’t spotted. A sigh of relief came from Verianna; it wasn’t that she didn’t want to be seen it was just be hard to explain. Several of the people wouldn’t understand! But if she accomplished something extraordinary, she then could discuss.

“squeaka squeek” went the sandals as she snuck past a few vending machines. Verianna paused and stopped to stare at the container of goodies. It was, like everything is in the Okanogan, orderly. With potato chips at the top, chocolate bars in the middle and lifesavers and assorted goodies at the bottom. All were arranged alphabetically as well.

“Eyaaah!” Verianna though to her self “It looks so boooring! I’d put that there, and then put that yellow potato chip there and then that cookie there.”

As Verianna was busy mentally arranging the vending machine a well dressed man walked up to her. Certainly looking enigmatic, with a small grey mustache and a beard to boot, his entrance was anything but.

“Hello. I really doubt you will magically transport the goodies in that vending machine by staring at them”

“WAAAAAH!”

Verianna’s reaction would do a cat proud. One moment she was standing still, the next the only trace of her was the small black cloth she wore as a veil. Verianna was on top of the Vending machine staring at the new arrival. Smiling he took off his hat.

“My name is Mr. Exmond. And that is how you shall address me. I am guessing that you are Verianna, a student of mine”

“YOU teach Villainy 101!?!?” She responded looking quite shocked.

“Yes. Yes I am. Now let's go to the classroom and see if anyone else has arrived.”

He turned, leaning on a small silver-black cane, and lead the way. Verianna followed along, making sure the small plushie cat on her shoulder was secure. After a few steps of uncomfortable silence, she decided to break the ice.

“So… How did you know who I was?”

“Well seeing as how you have a giant V on your chest it wasn’t that hard. Also all new students to Villainy 101 have such terrible costumes.” He replied back, not breaking a step.

“Oh.” was the only reply and then a pause. “HEY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN TERRIBLE!”

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WOO chapter 1 part 2 done

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I think i have some ideas for my charicter to do, like smokeing catnip in the girl's rest room, ditching class to lounge on the roof, maybe takeing a catnap durring class, or beating up a geek for his lunch money. oh the ideas.

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A..reply..that..is..on..topic! HURRAH!

(ill post tommorow, or on friday.. Eyah these things take a lot of time!)

Raises the devine hammer of evil..

arr! Original Topic please

Less on blarg more on the story :P Its my first attempt damn it and I want to know what i can do better.

Also this could be open rp if you want.

hehe sorry! I just saw Superhero 101 and was like.. Hmmm what if i made a story that mocks the Hero culture...

Heh.. I can change the name if you REALLY REALLY want me to :P

Villainy 101:
The Semester Begins

Well readers, how should a good story begin? Perhaps we should start the story off with a lot of foreshadowing and information that won’t make sense until the middle of the story? Or maybe we should start at the beginning of the story. The beginning, as it just so happens to be, is the start of the school semester.


“And as you can see clearly on the course outline there will be tests at the start of each Monday. The students will be expected to show up on time at eight o clock sharp.” Droned the college Professor. “Now let us review the rules on cheating. If any student is caught cheating…”

If any of the students had actually cared to listen they would notice that Mr. Fergy forgot to say a rule on the course outline. But of course these are students! The youngsters of today and they totally did not care. Over Mr. Fergy’s droning a black haired girl turned to her companion and complained.

“Oh! Make this class be done already Ben!”

“Err. Yes! I can mystically wave my hands and the class will be over!” The boy replied “Sheesh Ver. It’s only been 5 minutes and already you’re complaining”

“Well it has been 6 minutes! And he’s really boring!” Verianna replied. The boy parted his black hair and started to reply but she interrupted him.
“And not only is he talking about his history now, INSTEAD of programming in java, he also is talking about his resume!”

The girl tipped the chair back and began to fiddle as the teacher began to talk about algorithms.

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

The bell rang and with a crash and a bang Verianna fell out of her chair. Quite gracefully we shall assume but anyways. Hoping out of her chair Verianna literally ran towards the door.

“Whoa! What’s the hurry Ver?” Ben asked

Without even stopping to talk Verianna shouted at Ben as she ran down the corridor “I have to get ready for my next class! I’ll see ya later!”

Turning around the corner she ran into the girl’s bathroom and slammed the door shut.

“Okay. Costume. CHECK! Music. CHECK!”

Barely containing her excitement she grabbed several things out of her bag and placed them on the shining counter. While the teaching staff at OUC was shoddy, the janitor staff was anything but.

“Okay. Let’s start up this baby.” Verianna said to the stereo. The music started up and the girl started putting on some of the various items. Comments such as “too purple” or “Snaazzzy!” were heard from outside the bathroom. Then words such as “Stupid FREAKING batteries!” and “WHY don’t you WORK” were heard from the bathroom.

“God. So much for my music montage… Stupid stereo, ah well let’s see what we got here for my costume…”

Looking at the collected objects on the shiny counter Verianna’s brain started to think.

“Hmm. Well this translucent black handkerchief could go with this and this paint could. Yeah. Oh and this jacket. And - WHAT?”

Verianna stared at the formal shirt, along with tie, and the note attached to it. Shockingly she read the note.

”Hello honeykins! We know this is your first day at school, and that you needed to play dress up for you class! But daddy wants you to wear this. Otherwise you’re paying for your own tuition! Remember dress to impress!

Mommy kins”

“Geez! This dress shirt! It’s purple and has a white tie… Oh my gawd…” Verianna replied to no one.

“Err excuse me… Um. Are you ill” A timid voice from behind Verianna asked.

Turning around Verianna slit her eyes at the preppy school girl behind her.

“I am not ILL! I am attending class! A very special class thank you very much!”

“So your one of those students.” And with that the school girl left the bathroom.

“Damn it. That sounded much more menacing in my mind.”



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Yeah.. I have no clue what to do here. Umm I just posting this. Any comments would be helpful. If you want to continue off of it, or post any editor comments (please) that would be awesome! Yeah. Ill probably post more, and maybe post something in reply to what people will say.

/firsttime
//isn't obvious is it :P?