Steelclaw

I have a character named DShan Steelclaw.

As my forum name is Steelclaw I have sent several requests to have this character generic'd as he obviously violates my right to my own intellectual property.

So far nothing has been done.

They were going for the record for the most copyright infringements in one product...

What the packaging doesn't tell you is the figures also transform into cars.

On the other hand don't forget this Issue is actually a couple separate parts.

They may still have Open Beta for the Issue but give the Going Rogue pre-order people access to Demon Summoning early.

While my lady-love and I have many things in common; playing City of Heroes is not one of them... She is of the Hidden Object Search game type which may explain why she says "I'm still searching for a reason" when I ask her why she loves me...

Anyway...

I was wondering how some of you explain the various aspects of City of Heroes to the uninitiated in your life... Here are a few explanations I've used so far...

* Tuatha de Danaan - Pissed off mutant reindeer

* Dark Astoria - abandoned low-budget horror movie set

* Shadow Shard - Wonderland if Alice had been strung out on LSD

* Croatoa - If Walt Disney World had a whole theme park created by Tim Burton

* Red Cap - Lawn gnome infused with the spirit of Chucky

* Firbolg - flaming pumpkin pie like grandma used to make

* Rikti Invasion - slide show of "Our Summer Vacation in Area 51"

* Freakshow - bionic man on a budget OR Tim Allen if he had a medical degree

* Carnival of Shadows - the result of a guy who was very good with computers but couldn't score a date in a room full of gold-diggers while wearing a suit made entirely out of hundred dollar bills

* Knives of Artemis - love seeing men suffer slow, grinding agony as they try to move closer, run away or just stand there looking confused... basically your average woman

* Warriors - hanging around all day pretending they're mythological Greek Heroes and playing with their "swords"... basically your average guy...

* Vahzilok - pulse challenged

* Clockwork - energizer bunnies after you burn off the bunny suit

* Family - I'm gonna make you a stereotype you can't refuse

* Boomtown - a unique fixer-upper opportunity

* Wentworth's - if the IRS ever went private sector

* Paragon City Bus Stops - your tax dollars at work

* Faultline - the contractor estimated two months to completion

* AE Corps - just like the holo-decks in Star Trek... but without the sex

* Hospital Teleporter - the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" lady finally took steps

* PUGs - think "Survivor" but only one person gets to vote

I had 761 views of my profile... which must have been disappointing for them since I didn't have anything listed there. I was so depressed by the blandness of it that I felt the need to decorate a smidge.

761 views... why in the world would anyone want to view my profile in the first place...

...


.....


Hmmmmm...

Possible reasons someone might want to view Steelclaw's Profile:

* To see if I listed what medications I'm on so they can try them out too.

* To check and then later to recheck with some desperation to see if they can find a button labled Eject, Delete Member, Vote Off The Island or SOMETHING similar.

* It was the FBI following up on their investigation again.

* Certain members of the Development team seeing if the Forum Host coders had put in that Eject, Delete Member or Vote Off The Island button as requested.

* The cultists who've been trying to recruit me got my view count up to 666 but some of their fledgling brainwashees got over-enthusiastic.

* My Praetorian self checking to see if I'm dead yet.

* People interested in joining the Solitarian Party before deciding they have no interest what-so-ever in attending Hermit-Con.

* People who have accidentally ingested poison and need to access "All Threads Started By Steelclaw" because it's a more reliable vomit-inducer than a finger down the throat.

* Suicide hotline reference material to show callers that there is at least one person who has it worse mentally and emotionally than them.

* Fans looking for an e-mail address to which they can send their virus attachments.

Oh for the love of....

Hasn't this thread died YET?!

It started out as an Old joke with a CoH Twist... by now it's so old that Archeologists are approaching it with a toothbrush in hand and a gleam in eye.

Still... that being said...

Q: How many Developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: No time! Going Rogue!

Q: Okay then... after Going Rogue is all done... how many developers would it take?
A: Can't move... too tired... need donut...

Q: How many Pohsyb's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The light! It buuuuurrnsss ussss!

Q: How many Sexy Jays does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Not necessary... he has a glow all his own.

Q: How many BABs does it take to scew in a lightbulb?
A: Two... One to wear the ping-pong ball suit and screw it in and BABs to motion track for the emote.

Q: How many Positrons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None this time; he's now in charge of screwing in the end-game lightbulb.

Q: Okay then Posi... How many Incarnates will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One as of Going Rogue... but I can't tell you if it will be a lightbulb, a torch, an oil lamp or a really excited firefly they'll be screwing in.

Q: Fine. I think I already know the answer to this one but... why not? How many NCSoft Marketing Department members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I'm sorry, we have not yet authorized release of that information, but should be able to provide it to you Soon.

Q: So the marketing department is satisfied to just sit around in the dark rather than shed some light on things?
A: How did you get hold of our marketing strategy?!

Okay... since several of you asked... and since you are obviously gluttons for punishment... I'll try to explain...

TRY...

I don't like simple systems... they bore me to tears... I was the kid who made up his own rules for Monopoly where you could buy the Chance and Community Chest spaces and landing directly on GO had it's own mini-game. I was also an only child (still am) so I ended up playing all these games by myself anyway... yes... even Monopoly.

So, I complicate things to give it the flavor I need to keep playing it for a long time. In the case of City of Heroes, I made a tournament. I took an even number of Servers (all of them except Pinnacle... since I don't drink) and divided them up 5/5 between heroes and villains. Each server is a "Team" of characters. I keep individual spreadsheets for each character that tracks their growth, stats, earned badges, slotting, etc.

There are three statistics that I keep which are NOT part of the game: Reputation, Power and Teamwork.

Reputation = ((rep rewards from badges) + ((successful solo missions *.75)+(successful team missions * .5) - (failed solo missions * .5) -(failed team missions * .25)) + (earned influence/25000) + (total defeats or deaths * -5) + (a really complicated equation involving earned/spent reward merits and earned/spent Vanguard merits) + (total number of hours character is actually played)) * (1+(double current level if undefeated OR level of first defeat *.01))

The rep rewards from badges is not a percentage or constant number times the number of collected badges. I actually went through EACH and EVERY badge and gave it a rating for Reputation, Power and Teamwork.

The Power and Teamwork calculation scores are similarly complex and ridiculous. This is why I rely on spreadsheets to do all the math for me.

Speaking of Spreadsheets... here's a page by page format of one of my standard character sheets.

Page 1: Cover page- Basic info such as archetype, origin, alignment, date created. This also tracks my current difficulty settings. Total number of missions divided into Team and Solo as well as Successful and Failed. Level of experience, current influence, xpoints and what's needed to advance again are here as well. Reputation, Power and Teamwork are calculated and displayed on this page. Finally I keep track of the total number of defeats divided into Solo, Team, Mission Architect and Task Force, since defeats count differently for Rep and Power calculations.

Page 2: Tracking- This is just a history page. Every level a character advances is tracked here so I can see how they are progressing in their scores. A separate spreadsheet collects the data from every character sheet on levels 5, 10, 15, 20, etc so I can compare ALL my characters to see who is doing best in each category. Also a notes section here to keep track of career highlights.

Page 3: Other Powers - This is where I list all Temp Powers, Enhancement Powers, Enhancement Set Bonuses and Accolade Powers. Each one is graded on a scale and give a bonus to the character's Power. Actually, the equation for Power is twice as long and five times as complicated as the one above for Reputation.

Page 4: Power List- This page is where I list my powers and what enhancements are currently slotted in them. Although it sounds like a simple data page there is a whole section of hidden columns that take the slotting and calculate their bonus to the character's Power score. Each enhancement slotted gives a percentage of its level based on which slot (1st is a small bonus, 6th is the highest) and what kind of enhancement (Trainings give next to nothing, Inventions give the best bonus). All this is done automatically so my brain doesn't explode from math every time I upgrade a slot.

Page 5: Invention- Of the 200 rows this spreadsheet actually uses, only 39 are visible. The hidden part is all calculations and the like... Here's what his page does; it assumes that I am going to make Invention Enhancements for every power slot that does not currently have the maximum level possible IO already slotted in it. I can also list all my currently held Invention Recipes on this page. It takes all this information and tells me exactly how many of what kinds of salvage I would need to build everything on my list. It also can tell the difference between a MUST BUILD (empty power slot or held recipe) and a COULD BUILD BUT NOT NEEDED (an Accuracy 15 slotted power when I'm level 17 and could slot a 20). It gives me the needed salvage in two different lists. Once again, all done automatically, all I need to do is enter in my recipes when I get them.

Page 6: Badges- This is just a place to record the date I got a particular badge. What I like about this page is that it draws its data from a different Spreadsheet that contains all the badge titles divided into each category. The reason that is a good thing is because when the developers add a new badge I don't have to add it to EVERY BLESSED character's spreadsheet. I just add it to my primary badge sheet and every character record automatically updates. At the top of this page is a consolidated list telling me how many total badges I have from each category as well as my percentage of badges earned and the bonus provided to the Rep, Power and Teamwork.

Page 7: Accolades- All the accolades that require you to collect badges to earn them are here. They automatically update from the badge page so I can see my progress towards any given accolade on that character, as well as which badges I still need to earn.

Page 8: Notes- A quick reference sheet. I keep notes here about what I was working on last time I played that character as well as what I want to do next. The page also keeps track of all Safeguard/Mayhem badges so I don't miss any as I level. Ouroboros is organized here so I know which badges I have there. There is also a list of every Zone in both Paragon and Rogue Isles and what percentage of exploration badges I have found there. All automatically updated from the Badge page.

Eight is DEFINITELY enough.

I have other spreadsheets that compare individual and team scores. I have a spreadsheet for each server to track base improvements and what salvage, enhancements I have there for team mates to share. I have two accounts and on the alternate account I have what I call my Traderbots. Their primary function is to stay in Wentworths or the Black Market and buy/sell items to make money for their team. I visit the Traderbots (all 10 of them) at least once a day and generate enough influence/infamy just through them to keep an entire team able to buy what they want when they want.

And yes, there is a Spreadsheet to track all the buying and selling by the Traderbots.

It may sound like there is a huge amount of data entry going on here, but I have all these Spreadsheets SO interwoven and automated that I really only need to spend about five minutes after each gaming session tapping at the keys. The invention sheet alone has saved me hundreds of hours of figuring things out so it all balances.

As far as why I delete my characters... I have tried my best to incorporate every aspect of the game into my scoring system. For example, when Mission Architect was created I found myself with a brand new set of possibilities... tickets... MA missions... badges...

I actually didn't delete my characters and start over at first... I just re-tooled all my spreadsheets and kept playing. The problem was that all the new characters were obliterating my older ones because they had access to a new toy that accelerated their scoring. Comparing my first character at 20th level with one of my newer ones was ludicrous... the newer one's Power and Rep were nearly double at the same level!

So I deleted ALL my characters and started over because...

... wait for it ....

... I wanted to be "fair" to all the players.

Ignoring the fact that I was... in reality... the ONLY player and the rest were just imaginary personalities in my mind and a list of data on a spreadsheet.

Every time I start over I also re-tool all the other rules in my tournament. I have rules for when a new team mate (alt) may be created. I have rules for how long a player's turn can be as when they can borrow cash from the team Traderbot. I have rules for just about everything... oh... and the rules are recorded on a spreadsheet too.

Like I said... I love to complicate things.

So anyway... for those of you who asked... and actually made it all the way to this point without gouging your eyes out with a spork... or contemplating doing it to ME... there's your answer... that's why I have deleted all my characters several times since I started playing this game.

Now, aren't you glad you asked?

My regret is being so tied to my self-imposed rules and tournament system for playing.

Rather than go into all the convoluted silliness (which covers over 2 dozen spreadsheets); suffice it to say that if the developers change the game significantly I feel like re-writing my rules to incorporate the new play-elements. When this happens I delete ALL my characters... no matter how many... no matter how high a level... and start them all over at level 1.

The last time I did this was when Mission Architect was brought out. I have a strong, gut sinking feeling that Going Rogue will see me doing yet another system-wide reboot.

I'd like to offer my own take on the Claws and Effect.... Cause and Effect... of the average age of our City of Heroes society.

1...

Yeah... it's a list... get over it...

1) At my age (40 or there-abouts) we were the generation who grew up with video games. Despite the fact we had to pay-per-play via quarter consumption in public arcades, we were the first gamers and have been most, if not all, of our lives.

2) The early games were not very twitch oriented because the gaming hardware just couldn't keep up with our reflexes. Let's face it; Space Invaders would put most younger gamers to sleep these days.

3) We existed in a world where comic books did not yet cost more than a dollar each. With a somewhat reasonable allowance you could get all your favorite titles to own each week and still ninja-read the ones you couldn't afford while the comic book store manager was looking the other way. These days kids don't have as much opportunity to buy every comic; at least not those without full time jobs and/or a silver spoon lodged in a handy orifice. As such we have a much deeper attachment and love for the genre.

4) City of Heroes is not a twitch game. It is, primarily, an RPG with just enough faster elements to keep your heart rate up. It substitutes the excitement of "Oh-My-Gawd-I-Hope-I-Can-Hit-The-Right-Button-In-Time" with "Maybe I shouldn't have turned the solo team size level up to 8 for the Malta Mission" brand excitement. It is aimed at those of us who prefer a more leisurely and... dare I say... social approach to our gaming experience.

5) City of Heroes remains true to the comic super heroes with whom we grew up. All those dreams you had back when your neck was still thin around enough to tie a towel as a cape can now be realized. Oh, sure we complain about it not being enough... we always want more features and options... but the very fact that we HAVE that hunger in the first place is an indication better than any other that we love the meal we're being fed.

So yeah, we may be a bit older than the average MMO or First-Person-Shooter-Battle-Game, but that's because we found a game that is custom made for us. I imagine a more fast-paced super hero game would appeal to the younger crowd because they didn't grow up on comic books... they grew up on super hero cartoons and movies. They think Raven and Beast Boy originated in Japan... Robin never died and was only marginally related to Batman... Wolverine is an average height guy... and Professor Xavier used to be a Starship Captain.

I don't know about the rest of you.... but I feel like they made City of Heroes just for me.... and my generation.

I will be turning 41 years of physical age come this November...

Mental age, on the other hand, is subject to a great deal of debate..

Because I simply can't let an April Fool's Day go by without SOME kind of silly post... I give you my interpretation of what it is like to grow up in the suburbs of Paragon City.

Enjoy.

---------------------------

Molly was pretty sure her parents, in addition to be sadists, were also possessed of some of the highest tech surveillance equipment known to mankind. How else could one possibly explain their uncanny ability to call her to perform odious chores the moment she sat down to play video games?

“Molly!”

Sure enough. She sighed and took her finger away from its quarter inch distance from the power button. She knew better than to ignore the voice of her mother; it was possible to squeak some leeway from her father but her mother was directly descended from Hun stock. While it had never been stated out loud, Molly was fairly convinced that disobedience was grounds for summary beheading.

Sighing softly, she hopped up from the couch and went off in search of Attila the Mum.

“Yeah, Mom?”

Eve turned around and smiled at her only child. “I need you to take the trash out to the corner for tomorrow’s pick up. Do you mind?”

Let’s see, Molly mused, drag four bags of stinky, probably leaking, bags of garbage that likely massed half her body weight each out to the garbage cans all while praying to whatever deity was listening the plastic didn’t rupture when she hefted them up and inside? Mind? You bet your royal red hiney I mind!

“No problem,” she said and walked from the kitchen.

She was lucky this time. None of the bags had torn and there had been minimal leakage which lad left a thin brownish trail down one of her pant legs. However, as she hefted the final bag up and into the trash can something truly unusual happened.

A sudden fanfare of music played. She blinked in surprised and while looking around in confusion to see who the joker with the radio was, she saw two words hovering in air above her head.

Mission Completed!

She stared at the words for a moment before they faded away. She bit her lip, sure she must be going crazy. Maybe she shouldn’t have eaten that half-crushed Twinky she’d found under her bed yesterday. She hadn’t thought something made of absolutely NO natural ingredients whatsoever could spoil, but maybe she’d been wrong?

Molly was a sensible girl however, and she was relatively sure that food poisoning didn’t cause hallucinations of congratulatory text. She shrugged and turned towards the house again; ready to pass the whole thing off to an overactive imagination when more words caught her eye.

They grabbed her attention because while she spun towards the front door, the words stayed perfectly centered at the top of her vision. She stopped and tried to stare at them but the letters were white and she couldn’t quite make them out against the bright sky. She frowned but discovered, by looking straight down, the words swung with her and showed up quite nicely against the sidewalk.

Return to Contact.

Return to contact? What the hairy eye-balled heck was THAT all about? She started to walk back to the house but, as the words kept pace with her, she ended up running.

“Mom! Mom!” she screamed, streaking through the hall and leaving the door open behind her. “I’m being followed by the Narrator!”

A small bit of confusion later and her mother finally understood what had happened. To Molly’s complete shock, and no small amount of personal embarrassment, her mother seemed to tear up at the news of her daughter’s encroaching insanity.

“Oh, sweety,” she said with a watery smile. “You’re not going crazy. This is something that every child who lives in Paragon City or the Rogue Isles goes through. It means you’re growing up.”

Molly gave her mother a level stare. “I’ve got my own personal news scroll and that means I’m growing up? What do I get when I finally reach adulthood? My own cable channel?”

Her mother laughed and hugged Molly tightly. “Not quite dear,” she said and led the girl into the living room, sitting beside her on the couch. “See, Paragon City boys and girls reach a certain age and then they start to experience… changes.”

“Oh GAWD, Mom!” Molly said in horror. “We already had that discussion! Please don’t make me go through it again!”

“Not THOSE kinds of changes,” Eve laughed. “When Paragon children reach a certain age they get to choose whether they want to become a PC.”

“PC?” Molly frowned. “Like that guy on the commercials? Ew! I don’t wanna be an uptight nerd! Can’t I be a Mac instead?”

“Not a Personal Computer, dear,” Even said, feeling the onset of a mild headache. “PC in this case stands for Player Character. You get to decide if you want to be a PC or NPC. And before you ask, NPC means Non-Player Character. Children have to stay out in the suburbs, as you well know, because they are undeclared. Once you decide between PC or NPC you’ll be able to go into the city itself.”

“I thought you and Dad said I couldn’t go into the city because of the crime rate,” Molly said in an accusatory tone.

“We also said it was the Tooth Fairy who left you all that influence for your baby teeth,” Eve grinned unrepentantly. “Your father and I thought it was easier to tell you about all the crime than to explain that only PCs and NPCs were allowed inside the War Walls.”

“Okay, fine,” Molly rolled her eyes. “The parental conspiracy is alive and strong in the Williams’ household. Nothing new there. So what exactly am I deciding here?”

“Well,” her mother said, leaning back and looking thoughtful. “First you have to decide if you want to be a PC or NPC. After that you have other choices that will need to be made, but this is the first and most important. If you choose to be a PC then you can go on to be a Hero here in Paragon City or a Villain in the Rogue Isles. It’s a tough road to travel, but the rewards are phenomenal if you put enough effort into it.”

“Wow! You mean I can really be a super hero like Sister Psyche or Miss Liberty? That would be SO cool!”

“Oh yes,” her mother nodded. “You could also be a villain like Ghost Widow or Silver Mantis… well… maybe not like Silver Mantis.” Eve shuddered slightly and her frown grew dark. “I will NEVER understand your father’s obsession with that silver skinned little…”

“Back on topic, Mom,” Molly said, poking her mother in the ribs. “I wouldn’t want to be a villain anyway. The Rogue Isles are waaaay depressing. But being a hero could be SO cool!” She paused a moment, growing slightly puzzled. “Wait a minute. You mean everyone gets to choose whether they want to be an NPC or PC?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then why would anyone choose NPC? Why aren’t there nothing but super heroes flying around Paragon City?”

Her mother laughed and leaned back into the couch cushions. “Because most people are lazy and don’t want to put in the effort. Not to mention becoming a hero or villain PC makes you so WEAK.”

There was a long moment of stunned silence on the part of her daughter.

“Weak?!” Molly stammered at last. “Flying through the air? Beating up dozens of Malta or Nemesis enemies at the same time? Traveling to alternate dimensions and smashing them to bits? How in the heck can anyone think that is weak?!”

“Ah, but you’re seeing the end product, Molly,” her mother said. “Those heroes are the ones who put in endless hours of training and missions. When you first become a hero it’s a far cry from the ones you’re talking about. And you DO lose a lot of power becoming a PC from NPC. For example, do you remember our trip to the Grand Canyon two years ago?”

“Yeah…”

“You remember how you fell off the edge and straight down to the canyon floor two or three football field lengths below us?”

“Kinda hard to forget something like that, Mom.”

“And did you get hurt?”

“Of course not,” Molly said dismissively. “You can’t get hurt from falling. No one gets hurt from falling.”

“PCs do,” Eve said with a small smile. “If you were a beginning level PC and took that same fall you’d be so injured that if a single mosquito decided to use you as a snack upon landing you’d probably find yourself waking up in the hospital. Oh, and you might as well forget about jumping up to the top of our roof to get the Frisbee if it lands up there. You lose all your jumping abilities for at least the first five levels or so.”

“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Molly wailed. “How is someone supposed to be a super hero when they’re even more vulnerable than the people they’re trying to save?” She scowled darkly for a moment as she digested this information, then looked up hopefully. “But you said that PCs eventually get to be uber-powerful, right?”

“Yes,” her mother nodded, “if they work hard enough. Heroes who keep their nose to the grindstone; saving kidnap victims, defeating literally thousands of villains and street thugs, making deliveries for contacts too lazy to walk or too cheap to spring for cab fare, repelling alien invasions, carrying messages for contacts who don’t want to pay the cell phone charges for making the call themselves… Oh sure, if you can do all that long enough and if you’re lucky enough not to be the Avatar of a player who has bad Alt-itis and shelves you before you get to 12th level… well… then you should eventually become uber-powerful.”

Molly stared at her mother for a long time. This PC thing was definitely not shaping up to be what she’d expected.

“But the rewards are worth it right?” she eventually asked with an edge of desperation. “I mean, all the effort will eventually make you rich?”

“Well…..”

“Oh come ON!” Molly exploded indignantly. “You can’t tell me that being Statesman makes you the same income as being an NPC!”

“Statesman IS an NPC, sweetie,” her mother said gently. “All the Freedom Phalanx are NPCs. That’s why they all stand around all day giving out missions or training the PCs up when they reach a new level.”

This news devastated poor Molly. It was rather like finding out that Santa Claus was the president and CEO of Toys R Us.

“The pay scale for PCs and NPCs is actually about the same,” Eve continued as her daughter’s sat their slack-jawed, “which is why most people decide to stay NPC. Also there’s the wide variety of jobs that NPCs can do while Heroes are more or less stuck with the same thing. Then the jobs Heroes do are so hard compared to NPCs.”

“Wh… what do you mean?”

“Well, let’s look at comparative careers,” Eve said. “At entry level the NPC starts out as a street civilian. They walk around a city zone, then run screaming if they see a bad guy. Some may get ‘mugged’ which is good because it allows them to stand in one spot rather than run around all day. A PC’s entry level is missions and beating up bad guys.

“A little further along in their careers, the NPC can choose to either continue in civilian roles or branch out into a career as NPC bad guy. The civilian track may have them as a kidnap victim or running around inside mission buildings; dance clubs, offices, that sort of thing. Bad guy NPCs start out as Skulls or Hellions. That’s how your father and I met; he was a Hellion and I was a Hellion’s Girlfriend. A PC Hero or Villain at this point would be running missions and beating up bad guys.”

“But isn’t being a kidnap victim scary?” Molly asked, hoping that something about all this was the way she had originally envisioned it.

“Oh, not at all!” Eve laughed. “The kidnappers are all NPCs like you; just doing their job. In fact, some of them are the nicest people! Would you believe I got that new chile recipe you like so much from Frostfire, the Outcasts’ boss? You’re literally getting paid to just stand around socializing until the PC shows up to rescue you. It’s great fun, actually.”

Her mother went on to describe all the other possible jobs that NPCs could do.

“NPCs can become contacts and send out PCs to do their dirty work. PCs run missions and beat up bad guys.”

“NPCs can become heroes or arch-villains getting all the power and glory while just standing around all day. PCs run missions and beat up bad guys.”

“NPCs can become enemy MOBs and get into the action a little; but only fight one or two PCs a day before getting whisked away by the teleporter, still enjoying their powers and excitement. PCs run missions and beat up bad guys.”

“NPCs can become trainers and help level-up PCs… after those PCs have run enough missions and beat up enough bad guys.”

After several minutes of this sort of description, Molly finally threw her hands into the air in a gesture of surrender.

“I get it! I get it!” she said, shaking her head in bewilderment. “If all that is true… then why the heck would ANYONE ever want to be a PC?”

“Beats me,” her mother said with a shrug. “Your father thinks they’re all secretly masochists… Personally, I think it’s some kind of mental disorder.”

“How do I make sure I NEVER become a PC?” Molly asked, near tears in her desperation to avoid such a horrid fate.

“Just concentrate on making the choice and describe to me what you see,” her mother said.

Molly closed her eyes. “I see two lists. The one on the left says ‘Choose An Archetype’, the one on the right is titled ‘Choose An Origin.’”

“Good,” Eve nodded. “And down in the lower left corner do you see an arrow pointing in that direction?”

“Yeah, it says ‘Back.’”

“Click it.”

Molly imagined a small arrow, like the one on her computer, hovering over the Back icon and clicking it. Immediately the words all disappeared from her sight. She felt her entire being seem to shift indelibly to one side. Strangely enough, she felt nothing but pure relief at losing the option to become a working hero.

“That’s it?” she asked, opening her eyes once more.

“That’s it,” her mother smiled and gave her daughter a hug. “Next week you can go down to the NPC administration office and put in your application, if you want. In the mean time, I can show you some of my secret techniques for Purse-Tug-O’-War.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Molly said, returning her mother’s hug. “I don’t care what anyone says… to me you ARE a Hero.”

“And I don’t even have to work for it.”

... and all future packs, actually.

I have consistently bought the booster packs when they've become available. I greatly enjoy the costume pieces, emotes and powers they've included and never begrudge the ten bucks I'm spending.

However, there are a few things I think they could include in the Boosters that would be pretty cool without any price increase. Specifically a few things that could be used OUTside the game.

* Wallpaper: Just some concept art they used for the new costume pieces. Maybe one of the heroes/heroines in a 50's style pin up cheesecake shot. Or an action scene with a few popular canon characters going head to head.

* Animated Cursors: Various heroes or villains from the game. They stand their pointing a weapon or hand for normal mouse pointer activity but when the system is active they animate. Instead of an hour glass you could have Synapse running, Recluse gloating, Nemesis rubbing his hands together and plotting or a variety of others. Another style of cursor they could have is all the a pointing finger in one of the various Glove costume piece styles.

* Event Sounds: So you're getting bored with your computer encountering an error and having Eric Cartman's voice say "You got in trouble, You got in trouble..." If you like to customize your computer's Event Sounds, why not get some of the City of Heroes sound effects for download? Now when you make a mistake you can hear the more-than-manly Taunt voice ridicule you.

* Fonts: Letters and numbers wearing capes.... but only if 20th level or higher first.

* Clip Art: Want Statesman in your letter head? How about Synapse running with a letter in his hand? It's silly, yes, but you have to admit the temptation to send an email to your co-worker asking them to help with your current project with a picture of Nemesis in the corner smiling like a used car salesman.

* Game Icons as Avatar Pics: With the popularity of the recently released Icons for the Going Rogue Resistance, Loyalists, etc around the Forums, why not include a few for other groups? Freedom Phalanx, WISDOM, plus the origin and archetype icons would give Forumites a way of further decorating their posts.

I would not suggest an entire booster with nothing but the above items, but adding just one or two from each category per booster would be pretty cool.

* Bodily Function Blaster

* Power of Positive Thinking Defender

* Pool Noodle Tank Secondary

* Spaghetti Monster Master Mind pets

* Hentai Tentacle Beast Controller set

* Social Disease Corruptor (primary OR secondary, your choice)

* Jello Armor Tank Primary

* Bi*ch Slap Scrapper Primary

* Holistic Medicine Defender Primary

* "I'm Covering My Eyes So You Can't See Me" Stalker Primary

* Bondage Apparatus Dominator Primary

* Circus Clown Master Mind Pets (including the tiny car arrival animation)

* Looney Tunes Cartoon Hammer/Anvil/Piano/Etc Brute Primary

* Lycanthropy Brute... As your "Furry" bar increases you transform into the half-animal form of your choice.. ... ... I regret nothing!

* "There Is No Spoon" Controller Primary

* "There might be a spork though" Controller Secondary

* The Steelclaw Epic Archetype... Don't ask... just.... don't ask... really... it's for the best.

* I ran a PUG Mayhem in Atlas Park... 10 cars were destroyed... 55 PPD Officers were killed... An Arson was performed... 31 Cardboard Boxes were toasted... The Bank was robbed... and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

* Scrappers do it until no one's left standing.

* Tanks do it all night long.

* No, I'm not an Empathy Defender. Greenish aura? Oh, time to wash the t shirt again.

* Stalkers do it from behind.

* Corrupters do it stronger near the end.

* Go. Hunt. Cheezburgers.

* The Synapse Stud Club: 3 second countdown to glory.

* (T-Shirt itself is torn in several places and is made to look like the entire rib cage area has been heavily wrapped in bandages.) Back Alley Brawler was here.

* (Front of t-shirt looks like a normal shirt with writing. The back of the t-shirt is either missing out-right or has a picture looking like a naked back.) Official Statesman fan club.

* Widow looking for future ex-husband.

* Ghost Widow + War Witch Lesbian Necrophelia FTW!

* Official Member of the Westin Phipps Happiness Enforcement Unit.

* (Shirt is shredded) Captain Mako's favorite chew toy.

* If I am found dead with a huge smile on my face, please send my sincerest thanks to Silver Mantis.

* Masterminds do it in groups.

* Brutes do it harder the longer it goes.

* I like big buffs!

* The All-Defense Tank: "Now go away before I Taunt you a second time!"

More than likely the government would create divisions that incorporated super powered beings into its ranks.

So you would see Municipal Govt start taking in local heroes as special Police Force operatives while the Feds would handle Military, CIA, FBI and Homeland Security divisions.

The government would not overtly do anything to super powered beings to control them, but then again it doesn't do anything obvious to control its current spies, CIA operatives, etc. I am sure, however, that for every "Superman" level meta-human the government would take steps to insure they had a fail-safe handy... just in case.

More than anything... and here I am speaking primarily of the US... the government is chained irrevocably to public opinion. As long as the heroes of the superpowered community were able to keep the villains in check, I am sure you would see a great deal of government support directed towards the heroes. Up to and including subsidies and information support.

On the other hand, if villains were constantly messing around with Average Joe America without anyone stopping them you can bet that the hammer would fall and it would fall on EVERY meta-human whether they were villainous or not.

In any case I don't see the government being pro-active about meta-humans. I don't see them "getting them before they get us." Our "leaders" may bluster about being brave and bold but they remain extremely timid about stepping out in declaration about anything new until someone else has dipped their toes in the water to check for pirhana first.

Headlines you could count on seeing...

* "Statesman Over 100 Years Old! We have his secret for staying young! Now you can too!"

* "Happilly Married? Not even a year and a half into their marriage and Manticore spends most of his day with another woman! How will Sister Psyche react to his Swan Dive?"

* "Religious Community Protests Desdemona and Infernal's Inclusion Among the Ranks of Heroes! 'They are demon summoners... abominations in the eyes of God! How can we trust them?!'"

* "The Newest President of the United States of America has been determined. Nemesis insists he had nothing to do with it."

* "A hole in the O-Zone layer... Global Warming... and now Blue Steel is sporting a new tan? Coincidence?!"

* "Thousands of College Students go to Spring Break and disappear without a trace! In unrelated news the ranks of the Carnival of Shadows seem to have swollen dramatically."

* "The gods of the Banished Pantheon grant their worshippers powers. The Well of the Furies prove that at least some of the ancient Greek Myths are true! Magical powered super heroes and villains perform what might be called Miracles on a daily basis! Today at a press conference the Pope put his fingers in his ears and started saying 'LA-LA-LA-LA!' very, very loudly."

* "Despite the evidence of Anti-Gravity power suits, personal-sized fusion reactors and similar amazing technological advances, the leaders of the Automotive Industry today announced they see no reason to switch from fossil fuels in the near future."

* "Today the Olympic Committee, NFL, NBA and every other professional sporting organization in the world added another 25 chemicals, substances, genetic markers, alterations and mutations that are considered banned."

* "Zombie invasions have been traced to the creation of new hero costumes. Although the connection is an obscure one suspects are being rounded up by the police. Serge of Icon has been brought in for questioning."

* "Synapse signs deal with Nike. Sports stars complaining that without advertising deals; they need higher salaries to maintain their egos... er... lifestyles."

* I would scrap heroes and villains and have everything go via a perpetually shifting alignment meter which tracks how people react to you, which contacts trust you with missions or force you to prove yourself first... that sort of thing.

* Hazard Zones featuring destroyed buildings like The Hollows and Boomtown would all be turned into Rebuilding Zones. Similar to Faultline they would include efforts to slowly rebuild the zone to its former glory. A work crew appears during each day-cycle and works on a building or street, etc. However... HOW-EHV-AH... All such zones are now destructible, so when you fling a fireball and it hits a building, the building takes damage. When you knockback that Freakshow into a wall the wall falls apart. The roads react to footstomps, etc. Then the tried and true work crew comes out the next day... sighs in exasperation... and begins to rebuild again.

* All contacts would have voice actors reading their mission info. You would have the option of turning this feature off or interupting it with a mouse click. In addition to this all contact dialog would be re-written to take into account speech quirks to individualize them more.

* Specialty maps... I would start moving beyond the City concept and have missions take heroes and villains a bit more far afield. Perhaps a battle to keep the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower from being blown up. Want a REAL Safeguard or Mayhem mission? Try Fort Knox! It's time for the heroes to move beyond the City.

* I would create an on-line animated series. I would hire Dark_Respite to do all the animation (and PAY her to do so!) and get that hack Steelclaw to write the scripts (he doesn't get paid... but it will come off his community service time). The series would be an amusing (hopefully) situation comedy about the major characters of Paragon City. Contests would be held periodically for real players to get cameo roles here and there.

(to the tune of Hokey-Pokey)

It puts its right hand in...
It takes the lotion out...
It squirts its right hand full...
Then it rubs it all about...
It puts the lotion in the basket...
Then it sends the basket up...

That's what it's all about.

Okay fine then...

Ways to acknowledge the level ding without actually congratulating the player on their level ascension:

* "Ah, see you found one of those Uber-Inspirations."

* "Tingles when it does that... don't it?"

* "Was that your cell phone or mine?"

* "I take it the private-tell cyber s** you have going is working well?"

* "Oh good... you can take the rest of this spawn... I'm takin' a break."

* "I hate you."

* "We'll wait here while you go train."

* "Oh! Me next! Me next!!"

* "Popcorn's done!"

* "Taste the Rainbow!!"

* "So that's what it sounds like when you stomp on a smurf... cool."

* "You brought your own fireworks display just to rub it in... didn't you?"

* "Oh, that... I have mine set to mute.. I've actually leveled 12 times so far."

* "Geesh... try a little humility, why don't ya?"

* "Whoa! What the hell emote is THAT?!"

* "You're a defender... like it even matters."

* "I'm afraid you just out-leveled the team... we're going to have to kick you now."

The battle had raged at first for hours... and then for days. The land scape of their battle field was littered with bodies and the shattered pieces that had once been full demonic form. Even now the minions of the two foci ripped into one another; each maddened beyond reasoning with their need to ravage, to rend their opponents limb from limb.

The war had erupted upon a small cluster of smaller islands just north of Talos's main land mass. Upon the southern beach of the lower of the two northern islets stood Desdemona while Infernal grimly held forth upon the peak of the southern most of the small outcroppings. It was to the larger bit of land between them that each summoned their minions from the Underdark. It was this island which had become cairn and conflict. The water in its center and just beyond its shores had long since become stained with the black ichor of those whom had fallen. The grass long since scorched away by the fires of their despite until even the stone foundation had weathered away beneath the fury of their hatred until what had once been a hill now barely cleared the waters around it.

Desdemona's face alternated stripes of black soot from her infernal summons and pale skin where the sweat of her labors had washed her flesh clean. Her expression was contorted into one of inhuman effort and a strangled groan of agonized effort crushed by the constrictions of her throat issued forth as she was forced to summon yet another wave of her minions. The effort cost her and she swooned momentarily as a wave of lightheadedness swept over her.

"How can he keep this up?" she murmured in a raw-throated whisper. "How could any mortal or immortal maintain this kind of effort?"

Infernal stood immobile upon the jutting outcrop of stone. His body evidenced no tremors. His breathing was smooth and controlled. There was no physical sign that his exertions had in any way hampered him. And yet... And yet the demonic forms that normally resembled nothing more than carved reliefs upon his armor had begun to writhe restlessly. It was as though those trapped spirits could feel their captor's weakening will and now began to struggle against the bonds that held them. Ready to burst forth not in servitude but in freedom. Ready not to launch forward into battle against the woman in the distance but to turn on their former Master... and to feed.

From the unmoved and unmoving figure a sephulcrul voice rose. "I must end this soon."

One would not approach the other except by their demonic pawns. It was not out of fear of the other's strength that they did this, but rather a question of their own vulnerabilities.

Desdemona could not look upon that hulking form with its burning axe without a sense of dread. She was an able fighter, but Infernal was not a fighter, he was a juggernaut of violence. She could not understand why he did not press that advantage.

Infernal already felt the weakening of his binding spells that contained the demons within his armor. He did not dare approach the summoning witch lest she also sense their unrest and use her own demonic controlling power to sunder them completely. In his mind he chanted a litany of prayers that she remain oblivious to this fatal flaw.

Talos had long since been evacuated, just in case the battle should overflow its tight containment on the islands. Upon its northern shore stood a small group of heroes; contemplating the scene before them.

"Okay, I'm starting a betting pool folks," Synapse said with a tight grin. "You need to predict when the battle is going to end and who the winner will be. The one who gets closest wins the pot. Any takers?"

The rest of the group ignored him.

"Listen, this is easy," Brawler said. "Psyche can go stun Desdemona while I give Infernal a gentle little love tap from behind. We separate them while they're unconscious and talk 'em down after the dust has settled."

"And risk the battle spreading from two people to four or even more? I don't think so," Statesman shook his head, his expression grim. "Our first responsibility is containment. We need to do everything we can to make sure this doesn't spread beyond that island chain."

"Then I believe we should act expediently," Positron said in a concerned tone. He had been analyzing the readings on his in-helmet computer display. "I'm not an expert on arcane energy but from this fresh data the constant summoning taking place is causing the dimensional barrier surrounding that central island to errode. If this goes on too much longer the barrier may shred completely and considering just WHERE they're summoning these things from..."

"Oh, hell," murmured Synapse.

"Precisely."

Still none of them moved, unsure how to proceed against these primal forces.

Subtly a scent began to fill the air around them. The smell of the ocean had long since been lost beneath the heavy miasma of brimstone and sulfur from the battle. This was not a return of the smell of the sea, however, instead it was a gentle hint of Jasmine and clean arctic air. Statesman's head jerked upwards as his eyes widened.

"I know that smell," he said in a near whisper.

A shape moved among the heroes, through them and beyond. A green and black blur that left laughter and an echoing message behind it.

"If you want a job done properly..."

Above the battle a figure appeared, hazy and indistinct. And though the heroes on Talos were far removed, none the less they could hear that figure speaking as though she were standing right next to them.

"This ends NOW!"

A thick black cloud of rolling, clashing smoke had long since been born above the island. Now it seemed that shards of jagged ice began to rain directly from the center of that maelstrom. The battle field below was soon ankle deep in it and the demons there began to move more slowly, straining against the numbing cold that swept through them. The indistinct figure howled once more, a scream of unbridled power and command. This time a wave of kelvin frost swept outwards in an expanding sphere from the floating form and all the demons froze in place.

"Your senseless battle has nearly brought the gates of Hell itself to this Earth Realm!" The massive sledge of the voice's power caused waves to crest and break into white water upon the shores of all the islands. "You have both listened to the whisperings of the demons you thought to be your servants. The wretched mouthings of these damned souls have been lies! They have warned you that the other has fallen under the sway of a demon lord and has lost the battle to maintain their own self-will. These have been blatant falsehoods, but such were your egos that you were each certain that no other but yourself could possibly resist the blandishments of purest evil. In your pride you have both led this world to the brink of disaster!"

There was a long moment of prolonged silence during which only the ocean waves could be heard. It was strangely peaceful in its intensity; a soothing counterpoint to the sounds of battle that had assaulted their ears for so long.

Desdemona looked up, tears now competing with sweat to streak the soot from her face. Across the distance Infernal's rigid posture crumpled slightly, his massive shoulders rounding, his back bowing as if under some sudden weight.

Upon the island between them the demons vanished suddenly, leaving the icy prisons that had contained them to fall inwards upon themselves with the sound of breaking glass.

The two former combatants stared across the sea at one another for a timeless moment. Then, as slowly and gracefully as felled timber, they each toppled to the ground in a dead faint.

The floating form flickered and reappeared among the watching heroes on the beach.

"War Witch," Statesman said in greeting.

A smile formed upon the misty planes of her beautiful features. "Hello, Statesman," she said, her voice now of normal volume. "I thought you could use a little help here. You were all looking a bit stalled."

"How did you even know what was happening?" Positron asked. "I thought Croatoa was your usual haunt."

"No pun intended," Synapse interjected with an elbow to Positron's armored ribs.

"Let's just say that I am intrinsically attuned to fluxuations involving the afterlife," War Witch shrugged with slightly overdone negligence. "Being dead does have its advantages. And speaking of advantages..." She floated slowly above their heads. "I think I'll be going now. I'd love to help you clean up this mess but being immaterial makes picking up scattered demon limbs rather impossible. If it helps any, I do believe the last building at the end of Spanky's Boardwalk has an ample supply of brooms, mops and other cleaning supplies. Ta all!"

They watched as she vanished, leaving only her smile to linger, Cheshire-like, behind her.

"You know," Brawler said. "The next time I'm in Pocket D I may just punch that alternate reality War Witch... just on general princibles."

"Alright heroes," Statesman said, suddenly business-like. "Let's get those two to a hospital. Actually, better make that two hospitals... preferably in different time zones."

"Whoa! States!" Synapse said with stunned expression. "Was that a JOKE? Did our beloved and stern Statesy just make a funny?!"

"Synapse, you go get those brooms and mops Witch was talking about," Statesman said without even the barest hint of a smile. "With your super speed you should be able to get that island clean in an hour."

"Oh, come on!"

"Maybe two..."

"That is so TOTALLY not fair!"

"A day or two at the absolute most."

"Can't anyone in this city take a JOKE?!"


~end~

Silly search notes:

* Force Field Defender: "You have troubles? I have bubbles!"

* "TLDR"

* "Continued on next character"

* "You'll only kick me anyway"

* "Single blue hero seeks team for missions, story arcs and long walks on the beach."

* Defender: "I want to buff you like an animal."

* "No TFs; I have commitment issues"

* "Out of touch with reality: AE only."

* Tank: "I'm tired of being treated like a shield of meat"

* Scrapper or Brute: "aggro.... Aggro.... AAAGGGRRROOOOOO!!"

* Blaster: "Pull THIS"

* "Will team with heroes who don't clash with my costume"

* 50th level character: "PL = Please Leave"

* Mastermind: "Join a team? I AM a team."

* Pinnacle Server: "Will only join teams with a designated beer holder."

* Virtue Server: "OOC invites will be ignored; blind invites only accepted from characters who are mute."

* "Welcome to ignore."

* "Will buff for food."

* "<~~~ Has Tourettes Chat Syndrome... You have been warned."

Holiday issues specific to City of Heroes:

Arbor Day: This is the Devouring Earth version of Valentine’s Day. You can hear the Bladegrass propositioning the Blackrose; “Hey, baby, wanna go ‘plant a tree’?”

Christmas Eve: The elves start outfitting Santa’s sleigh with heat seeking missiles and anti-personnel force field emitters for when he enters Rogue Isles air space.

Valentine’s Day: On at least four different occasions Manticore will threaten Synapse with bodily harm for suggesting he dress up as Cupid.

St Patrick’s Day: Green beer will flow…. Flying heroes will end up paying for damages to skyscraper windows when the building “jumped right in fronna me!” Super Jumping heroes will do community service by cleaning up after themselves after getting sick from the UUUUP…. Dooooooown… UUUUUp…. Dooooown… Inebriated Super Speedsters will try to run a straight line through a corn field and end up starting new crop circle rumors. Teleporters will be unable to handle rematerializing properly leading one to restart his career as “Picasso-Man.”

President’s Day: Nemesis will once again claim that he deserves gifts on this day since he was… for a brief time… the leader of America. After, yet once more, being turned down by Congress for such recognitions, he will lock himself in his room, writing emo poetry and plotting.

Two weeks prior to Thanksgiving: All the chicken-costume heroes and villains go into hiding until the heat’s off.

Thanksgiving: Blue Steel says “You’re welcome.”

Veterans Day: All the vet heroes try to convince the newbs there is a tradition requiring everyone without a Vet Badge to undergo hazing.

St. Patrick’s Day: Villains start camping rainbows.

4th of July: All flyers get sick of their friends trying to talk them into wearing the Bullseye chest emblem.

Valentine’s Day: The postal service will, once again, set up a special assignment team for handling Swan’s mail.

Memorial Day: The Paragon City Selectmen will once more pledge to move the Hero One Memorial out of Perez Park, complete all its displays and finally open it to the public.

April Fools Day: The NCSoft development team will renew their restraining order against Steelclaw.

Earth Day: Natural origin heroes protest Technology origin heroes.

Halloween: Paragon City grown ups are still confused as to why their children refuse to go trick or treating for candy.

Thanksgiving: Nemesis initiates his latest plot to get off Santa’s Naughty List.

New Years Day: Paragon City Child Protective Services begins investigating the “Baby New Year Incident.”

Valentine’s Day: Positron endures a great deal of good-natured ribbing and writes his annual stern letter to Dark_Respite about the whole “nerd-flirting” thing.

Easter: The Easter Bunny makes sure to bring his migraine medication in preparation for planting eggs in Paragon and the accompanying “Glowie” sound.

Christmas: Frosty the Snowman releases a press statement denying any connection or relation to the Winter Lord Mafia.

Mardi Gras: The Carnival of Shadows corner the bead market.

Oktoberfest: Back Alley Brawler drinks Statesman under the table and sees how long it takes him to notice they put his helmet on backwards.

The Day after St. Patricks Day: The Pinnacle server is closed for maintenance due to “clean up” requirements.

This has nothing to do with City of Heroes but it is STILL my favorite quote of all time:

"Democracy is two wolves and a sheep sitting down to decide what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed sheep."
~ Benjamin Franklin