Quickening

Happy Birthday!

Sorry for the delay, didn't have as much time in the last couple days as I thought. Anyway, on with the critique!

I like the story: a catchy start, how you introduce the main characters, the action bits...all good! I am a firm believer in getting to know the characters and I think that the bit at home transitioning to the mall does that pretty well. I already get the sense that Patricia is the playful and boisterous (but sometimes annoying!) sister. I also loved your description of the ice powers as a serpent, very creative!! And the bit of mystery at the end of the chapter(?) is great, too.

Suggestions: Use more commas. There are a lot of sentences that seem to run on too long, and that can be easily cured by a well placed comma. There seem to be some spelling errors, too, and the inevitable use of the wrong word. Those pesky homophones, the curse of writers everywhere! I am a big fan of descriptive writing (being a very visual person), adding more detailed physical descriptions of the main characters in particular (but also of the environment) could help people visualize them more. You do a good job of describing the ice powers "like lattice across a cathedral roof." I love to see stuff like that!!

Well that's all I got for now, hope that helps a bit. Hope to see more of the story soon, too!

Oh, and if you've never been to The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writiers of America , they have some good articles on writing. Some are more playful than others - my personal favorite is The Turkey City Lexicon .

You win.

Very nice, the colors are lovely.

Ex, I applaud your stealth picture-taking skillz.

Best...thread...evar!!!

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Whoops! Ok, title changed just to make sure.

If he sees this... I OWE ya big time k.

Glad to hear ya like it though Quick.

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Thanks for changing the title. Like I said, he doesn't really browse here but there's always a chance he will take a peek.

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Tears are mysterious things. Much like lotus phantasms , they can be troublesome, embarrassing, and leave you constantly reaching for tissues, but when all is said and done, you are glad that they were there.

((How's that?))

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Fixed that for you

What kind of critique are you looking for? Style? Grammar? Content? All of the above?

I would be happy to offer my opinions on whatever you want

Very nice!!
I really like the jacket on the wolf in particular, it looks great!

I love Union Jill. Great name, and great costume!!

Juggy, this is PERFECT. You captured exactly what I was looking for. This is going to be a gift for my husband's birthday coming up in November (it is his main character). He is going to love it. I love what you did with her pose and her hands, and the lightning, too. Just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for an awesome piece of art.

Hopefully my husband doesn't wander in here and see it early...
He never really visits this forum so I think we are safe.

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Caught in the act...?
My friend said it was just the Rikti way of saying hello.

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OMG I am at work...I hope I don't get in trouble now for looking at this pic

They don't go in the screenshots folder. You have to paste them into an editor like Paint or something.

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Hey Juggy, it's alright if I write a story of the character, right? O_o I'm not very drawing capable, and even if I was, I don't have a scanner. >_<;;

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I was wondering this as well. I don't have much skill in the drawing/etc dept...

Very nice, PlasmaStream! What a great gift!

Well my computer is still out in service-land somewhere, but they did back up my hard drive. Of course I had to make sure they saved my screenshots folder since it has so many irreplacable gems. So this was my first screenie:
Triumph SG Fair 2005

My namesake is second from the right, in her SG colors. One of my husband's characters is the big guy in the back. Ah, the memories.

Quickening

Southern Thunder ... and again.

Glacier Gaze

Stygian Spark ... and one more.

Harlequin's Hex ... and another.

This is incredible! As always

Very nice! Love the colors on her clothing.

Congrats!

I can't
My computer died on me last night. It is on its way to be serviced at some undisclosed location for some undisclosed amount of time.
*cries*

cool, I love that map!

That is incredible! Jealous...

I guess it makes sense that they are women...I mean, whoever heard of a man named Tsoo anyway? ;-)