It has been about a month now since I enlightend you to the lifestyle that is being a corruptor. Taught you my secrets, the ways to corrupt better then those before you. You read the guide, you took the advice, and I would like to say toghether we changed the corrupting world maybe just a little. But today is diffrent, today I bring something diffrent, something new!
With double XP coming to a close I am ready to grace you with two more guides, guides which will help improve your skills in the fields of Brutetastic, and Defenderiffic. Let's begin.
Brutes
Do you wake up in the morning, feeling furious? Angry at everything? Do you have a generic hate for anything that looks at you with even the slightest hint of a wrong way? Or do you overreact at simple things, so much so that you cause millions of dollars in property damage? If you said yes to any of these questions, then maybe a Brute is for you. But there are rules, guidelines even to being one, and these are what I will go thru.
1. Smash, remember to always smash, everything, even yourself. You're a brute now your ability to smash and crush is your most important asset.
2. Hate everything. If you don't already completely and utterly dislike everything that has ever existed, ever, then you better start. Brutes don't show weakness and neither should you.
3. Be mean. Remember as a brute you not only have to hate everything, but you have to make others know you hate everything to. This can be done in your every day life with simple things like, punting small animals, telling children that Santa doesn't exist then smashing their favorite toy, or not tipping your waitress.
4. Only listen to the heaviest of metal. Soft metal won't due as it's hate is not pure enough to fuel your powerful rage tank.
5. Let people punch you and kick you and shoot you, that will only make you more furious and thus more able to destroy anything you hate, which is everything, especially beanie babies.
6. Hate Celion Dion.
7. Remember if a squishy villain or hero lips off to you can and should squish them under your heel. If they manage to win insult their mothers and tell them you let them win. It may be a lie but it'll frustrate them and that causes a minor moral victory to you.
8. Friend don't let friends roll energy aura. Unless you plan on laughing at them after, this is acceptable.
9. Remember to flip out at completely unneccasary things, such as a red light. Take roadrage to a new level by over turning cars and flipping the bird to old ladies who pass. The effect you're going for here is to come off as completely insane, and someone no one wants to eff with. Your friend should be constantly saying "He's insane, seriously, he flips out at everything."
10. Friends. Brutes shouldn't really have them, just people they haven't punched in the kidneys yet.
11. You are godzilla, the world is Japan. I think you know what to do.
12. If you cause a team wipe play dumb. Remember you're just a stoopid, but furious, brute.
13. Cause team wipes just for fun.
14. If you're having an off day and having trouble getting yourself into a mode of complete frustration, play Fatal Fury, once Geese Howard throws you thru a window multiple times you should be furious enough to take on the world.
15. Be more like Geese Howard.
16. Seriously, learn how to reppuken right now.
17. Doors. Don't use them, make your own by breaking thru walls and causing unneccasary property damage.
18. Eat metal, that's manly, and awesome. As a brute you should be both those things, even if you're a female.
19. Laugh at somebody diffrent.
20. Finally remember to completely belittle people who are smaller and obviously couldn't ever beat you in a fight. This makes you feel better about yourself and crushes their will just a little more. It's what we call a twofer.
That's it for Brutes, I'm hoping this will help you become more furious and hateful on your quest for 50 on whatever brute you may have!
Now on to part 2...
Defenders
You woke up today, and looked outside, a stupid smile hit your face and you put on your favorite Bob Marley or Jack Johnson album. You look thru your fridge and make a point of having a healthy vegan breakfast before wandering outside to help people for no reason other then the fact that you feel like making the world a more bright shiney place. You are a defender.
But being a peaceful, loving, hippy defender isn't just that easy, you now have to maintain this lifestyle. Lucky you I'm here to help.
1. Tofu. Learn to love it as you're a vegan now. Defenders care about every creature on the planet, eating any of them would be down right wrong.
2. The rule of taking a hit. Take it like a girl, defenders aren't built to take hits and shouldn't pretend like they are.
3. You aren't a blaster, blasters are meant for killing and damage. You're a defender, you're meant for love, and hugs, and speed boost. Which reminds me, where is my speed boost?
4. Prepare to be told how to do your job. People like to tell you how to defend them. You should always listen. Always. Even if they're telling you to do something impossible, or something down right retarted. Remember they're the smart ones, you're just the defender.
5. Never get upset. You're a defender, that means you have to love everyone. Any anger you get you should bottle up, only to let it explode out of you years later causing you about 6 months of therapy and a divorce. At first it won't seem like it's worth it, but it is.
6. Lol TA.
7. You are a healer, no matter how many few heals you have. Even if you have no heals, you are a healer. No excuse if you don't heal, only shame.
8. If you're Kinetics, prepare to speed boost. A lot. Like right now. Speed Boost! Seriously dude. SB SB SB SB SB SB.
9. If you roll storm, slot for as much knockback as possible, chicks love knockback.
10. Get an abusive significant other. Remember you're to nice to tell them that their anger hurts your feelings. An especially could coupling would be with someone manipulative as you should be naive and fall for their tricks no matter how obvious they are.
11. It's always your fault.
12. Make people work for their buffs. They need a good work out and it's only nice of you to make them get it before you give them their Speed Boost, AM, or what have you. A little work goes a long way.
13. If you're a debuffing type, expect to see anchors killed often. Learn to love it, give it hugs if need be.
14. Call out anchors. Calling who you're anchoring is a great because then the people who weren't already targetting your anchor will be. It's great because then you can anchor more people, and I know you all love anchoring people as much as you love Soy Milk.
15. You love soy milk now.
16. And soy icecream.
17. Remember the person who types in caps the most is the most important person on the team. Likely you should become close friends with this person as they need your friendship.
18. You should be overly nice and friendly to everyone. Especially jerkoffs.
19. Also peace, you love that too. Love and Peace.
20. It's ok to get distracted by fuzzy animals. They're cute and you like cute things. Don't forget to give them buffs. Squirrels on speed boost are one of natures greatest things.
21. Defense Attorneys aren't real defenders. They've never had to buff anyone, and you shouldn't be fooled into believing they have.
22. Only you can prevent forest fires. Seriously just you. No one else. Go now. Prevent them! What are you waiting for?!
23. Smokey the Bear likes to make other people do his job.
24. If someone dies because they have a poor build, it is your fault. You should have covered for their weakness, shame on you.
25. Finally, learn to use words like: Swell, Keen, and Peachy. These will really drive home the good guy vibe that you're going for.
I think now you're ready to take your first step into defending. If your remember these few rules I think you'll be able to really give it your all out there and help out that dandy team you're working with. Remember they abuse you because they care, and you should care too.
*Shamed*
