FloatingFatMan

Third and final part of my story. I must give thanks to ShadowGhost for helping me by doing his characters part, Jessica Stoneberg - Grav Mistress. And Workmaker for his ideas.

As the door closed behind Starbrite, Jessica stood and walked towards Ellie. As she approached, Ellie rose from her seat and looked at her through the crackling energy field separating them; Jessica returned her look with an expression of sympathy, barely hiding her frustration.

Ellie’s face remained expressionless as she spoke, “Well… At least they’ve given me a choice.”

Jessica managed a weak smile and looked at Ellie through the shimmer as she tried to read what going through her mind.

Ellie sighed, raising a hand towards Jess, stopping just short of the force field. “They could have at least shut this bloody thing off…”

“It’s not like we’d run or anything, would we?” Jessica said as she slightly raised an eyebrow and reached out to touch the force field gently. Ellie touched the field in the same place, ignoring the tingling running through her fingers.

Without thinking Jessica analysed the field, more in reflex than anything; checking for vulnerable points she could take advantage of. Then, she looked into those emerald green eyes. “Not really great options are they?”

Ellie shook her head slowly, “Not really… My life or my free will… May as well have stayed Milly’s pet.”

Jessica sighed, “The reason for all this, the Nictus that was in you, is gone… They could have at least given you the chance to prove yourself.”

“They have, that’s why they’re even giving me this choice.”

This time, Jessica shook her head, “No, they haven’t… They put that collar on you; put you in a glass room so to speak, before you had a chance to show them you wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

“Yeah… Well, guess I can hardly blame them for that, after what I did.” Ellie slumped down in the chair, despondent.

“Was it you?” Jessica asked, sceptically.

“I don’t know… Don’t remember.”

“From the surveillance footage, I saw such hatred in your eyes. I don’t believe you could ever feel such fury towards anyone.” Jessica shook her head in frustration, “It makes little difference, the ‘elders’ won’t change their minds now.”

Ellie shrugged as she looked up at Jessica, “True… I guess, even with the choice they’ve given me, I don’t really have a choice. I don’t want to die…”

Jessica nodded, accepting Ellie’s choice, and looked at the forcefield surrounding her. Muttering an incantation, she caused a hole to appear and quickly stepped through before the hole could seal itself. She raised Ellie to her feet and took her in her arms, “Then the choice is clear.”

Ellie wrapped her arms around Jessica, and rested her head on her shoulder. “Maybe, when they’ve done it, it’ll all be over. Maybe they’ll leave me alone.”

Jessica rested her own head against Ellie’s and whispered, “We can only hope.”

As the girls held each other, the doors leading from the chamber opened, and the council quietly filed back into the room. Starbrite narrowed his eyes at the sight of Jessica inside the forcefield with Ellie, but said nothing, taking his seat.

Jessica noticed their return and nudged Ellie gently. Ellie looked up, and seeing the elders, turned to face them, holding Jessica’s hand; Jessica also turned to face the elders, by Ellie’s side.

The speaker focused his attention on Jessica and his form flared in annoyance. Choosing to ignore her obvious contempt, he turned his attention back to Ellie. “You have made you decision?”

Ellie raised her head high, “I have… The restructuring.”

Jessica gave Ellie’s hand a encouraging squeeze, then after sharing a look, and with a nod from Ellie; she muttered the same incantation again and stepped through the hole in the field, returning to her seat next to Starbrite as it closed behind her.

The speaker paused briefly; then his glow brightened, “Very well. You will be taken to our specialists immediately, and they will begin the restructuring procedure.”

As he spoke, the field surrounding Ellie flickered out and two guards, armed with quantum dispersal weapons, approached Ellie. With a final glance at Jessica, and a whispered “See you soon”, she was led away, giving Jessica just enough time for a quick nod and a smile before Ellie moved out of sight.

“Miss Stoneberg, I know we must seem unnecessarily harsh to you, but understand; we have no choice but to act as we have.”

Jessica turned her stern gaze upon the speaker, “There is always a choice. Did you hear what Ellie and I said?”

“We did… But our concern must be for the safety of this world and its citizens. As she is, Eloise is far too dangerous… She is easily controlled; this should not be, but Mikoshi is damaged, incomplete. Eloise does not possess the mental shielding which should be hers; this procedure will resolve that problem as well.”

"You say that as she is now, she's too dangerous. Yet you do not know how she is now. The Nictus is expelled, yet you restrained her before giving her a chance to show herself 'as she is now'. The Cirque provides mental shielding as well, yet you discard this, you have an incomplete picture on which you pass judgement" Jessica proclaimed, barely managing to keep her voice from shouting.

“The Cirque de la Lune, Miss Stoneberg, are a problem in of themselves, and one which Eloise would be well advised to avoid, as should yourself. An organisation which cloaks itself in darkness is no place for beings of light such as us.”

Jessica straightened her back and stood tall, “Ellie and I are proud to be members of the Cirque, they have been a family to us and they stand by us in times of need, far more than you have ever done for Ellie.”

The speaker hovered for a moment, considering Jess’s words. “Were there another option we could have taken, Miss Stoneberg, we would have done so. However, we are constrained by the laws of our race; merely allowing Eloise the chance for restructuring stretched them to their limits and we can do no more.”

Jessica thought for a moment, considering mentioning that adjusting the laws to new situations like interaction with humans would be a better course of action, but she realised the futility before she starts. Therefore she just nodded and remained silent, indicating that the conversation was over as far as she was concerned.

The speaker’s glow brightened again as he recognized Jessica’s nod for what it signifies, “There is one more thing you should be aware of, Miss Stoneberg. Eloise will be assigned a monitor, someone to watch over her and help her to learn better control of her abilities. She will be required to report to this monitor daily for the foreseeable future, where she will also receive counselling, to assist her in coming to terms with what she was made to do.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow, “If you had done this from the start, all of this unpleasantness could have been avoided.”

“Perhaps, but we are acting now. Be grateful she has this final chance Miss Stoneberg. We will assist where we can, but, should events repeat themselves, we will not be able to show such leniency again.”

In a single motion, the council rose. “We will return Eloise to you at the Galaxy Girl statue when the procedure is complete, Starbrite will contact you when she is ready.”

Jessica made a polite bow from the waist before turning to leave, though her eyes clearly showed her true feelings. Then she turned and walked towards the doors. As she approached Starbrite, she stopped briefly to offer him an apologetic smile. At this, he smiled in return and, standing himself, turned to escort her home.

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Only thing i noticed it that is shifts tense about 1/3 of the way through. Hate to bring it up but it did throw me for a few seconds and I had to go back and reread to see if I'd missed something.

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Did I? Oh bugger... I've got a bad habit of doing that! Sorry!!!

Thanks for the comments BTW. Part 3 (the final part) will be up later today.

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Lyn placed a DVD on while everyone was getting ready to sort of 'play in the background'.

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Hmm.. I do hope the DVD she put on was from the shelving by the player and not from the bottom drawer...

If people found out she's got a copy of Catwoman AND Elektra in that drawer, she'd be mortified!!!

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About Jess and Ellie waltzing, that would be a bit funny seeing as they both got thought how to follow, and not lead.
Clumsy start to say the least!

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Hmm.. Yes.. Tripping would probably have happened... But who landed on whom?

Obviously not serious roleplayers then, most of us don't let silly things like RL gender bother us in the slightest in RP, or sexual orientation orientation for that matter... Mind you, most of us don't let minor things like that bother us in RL either...

Oh, and I'd watch that getting around the board censor. Yes, that particular word being censored is really stupid, but getting around it is breaking the forums rules and could get you in trouble!

Yeah, that's a better choice!

What ebout Nevermore then, Wordy? I'm thinking something from the score for The Crow, maybe The Badge by Pantera?

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If she turns up at GG again while Crow is here, I'll be taking this post at face value and arresting her on the spot. If she resists, she'll find out just how effective a level 42 (well maintained) katana is against a midget like herself.

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Could you delay it long enough for Grav to conjure up some popcorn?

Ellie was starving (having not eaten in 24 hours) so would likely pig out on the pizza, she would have a few glasses of wine and maybe a beer, but not get beyond tipsy.

She'd start of normal disco type dancing, but at Jo's urging, she and Jess would start showing off their moves, and probably end up getting cuddly. She'd also, at some point, end up in light form again as she's not quite figured out how to control that change yet.

She'd also explain to Jo what the elders had done to her (I know, I know, the fictions not completely up yet, but enough is there for you to know!), so possibly Jo would not be amused.

Ellie would also have asked Yoko to try to persuade Mileena to come as well... Seeing as it's a double party as Mileena has managed to resolve the problem of Grave Mistress and Crimson Fox.

With a flare of light, the three forms materialised in the teleport chamber. Starbrite stepped down from the platform and turned to look at the two woman. “Please, this way. The council are waiting.”

Ellie looked nervously at Jess and, taking her hand, stepped from the platform and followed Starbrite. Jess gave Ellie’s hand a comforting squeeze and stepped from the platform with her.

As the proceeded up the corridor, Jess looked around at the brightly lit walls and pondered aloud, “This doesn’t look like a spacecraft to me.”

“It’s not Miss Stoneberg, this facility was completed not long ago, just after the incident on the mother ship in fact.”

Jessica nodded as she continued to look around; the whole place gleamed with newness. Other than themselves, this section at least seemed to be deserted.

Ahead, Starbrite came to a stop in front of an ornate set of large doors. Placing his hand against a panel at the side, there was a faint glow from the panel, and a low chiming tone sounded. After a few seconds, the doors silently opened inwards and Starbrite stepped through.

Following, Ellie and Jess stepped into a small, ornate chamber, with an even larger set of doors at the end. Aside from themselves, the room was empty.

Starbrite turned to face them. “Please wait here in the moment, in the antechamber, whilst I inform the council you are here.” With a nod, he then turned and approached the large doors at the end of the room, which silently opened at his approach, and closed behind him.

Once they were alone, Ellie turned to Jess. “Jess, honey… Whatever they do, please… Don’t interfere. I don’t want you in trouble too.”

Jess looked into Ellie’s eyes; the fear there was clearly visible. Jess gently stroked Ellie’s face, her own concern clear. “I will do what I have to Ellie, don’t worry about me alright? Everything’s going to be okay.”

“But, you know what they might do, right? If you try to stop them, they might… They’ll…”, Ellie stops, unable to complete the sentence.

Jessica nods, “Of course I know, I’ve always known. It won’t come to that, okay? Everything will be alright.”

Ellie nods, comforted for now, as Starbrite returns.

“They’re ready for you Eloise. Miss Stoneberg, you may stay, but you must sit at the rear, near the entrance, and not interfere with the proceedings.”

Jessica and Ellie nod, and follow Starbrite into the council chamber.

The chamber is a huge space, decorated with images of the stars, and views of worlds long gone. The area is dimly lit, except for a raised dais at the centre, were a lone chair lay beneath a spotlight. Starbrite gesture for Ellie to approach the chair and face the council as Jessica took a seat near the entrance.

As Ellie approached the spotlight, she looked at the council. Several were in their human forms, but two were in their Bright Nova forms, and one was in his White Dwarf. She also noticed two who were unbound, their brightly glowing energy matrices flickering in the dim light; Sunstorm sat at their centre, chief amongst them. She counted twelve… They’d already replaced the two who had died.

Taking up position in front of the chair, she turned to face the council.

One of the unbound elders rose slightly in the air, and his telepathic voice sounded in Ellie’s mind. “Eloise Smith, also known as Tiger White, you have been found guilty of high treason and have been brought before us to face sentencing for your crimes. Are you prepared to face punishment for your crimes?”

Ellie passes her gaze over the twelve members of the council again, before looking back at the speaker, her face impassive, she nods.

“Very well, you will be seated.”

Ellie sits, and as she does so, a forcefield springs into being around the chair.

Once seated, the speaker rises a little higher in the air and his form pulses as he describes the details surrounding the crimes Ellie had been found guilty of. As he did so, images of the incident, evidently from surveillance camera footage filled their minds and they saw for themselves as Ellie was brought on-board the ship, how she swore defiance as she struggled against her restraint and somehow resisted the barrage of quantum energy as they tried to subdue her. Then the images clearly showed her concentrate and a burst of energy flew forth from her, ending the playback of images.

Ellie looks at the speaker, numb with shock; this was the first time she had seen the footage of that incident, and what she saw herself doing appalled her. Starbrite gently placed a hand on Jessica’s shoulder as they waiting for the speaker to continue.

The speaker pauses briefly, allowing those present enough time to absorb the details of what had happened. Finally, he continues, stating that though the evidence is clear, there are other factors involved to complicate matters, and it was these, the known fact of the Nictus contamination within Ellie, which had caused them much deliberation.

As the speaker pauses again, Jessica allows a look of hope to cross her face whilst Ellie remains impassive, seemingly numb to whatever her fate will be.

Finally, the speaker resumed, informing them that, because Ellie actions had been directed by the Nictus within her, a small measure of leniency would be offered. He explains that the apparent ease with which Ellie has been controlled in the past is of great concern to them, the power she has displayed at these times has had a devastating effect on those near, and they cannot allow such a risk to remain.

Finally, the speaker reaches the conclusion of his speech, “It is the judgement of this council that we offer you a choice; radical adjustment of your mental processes to prevent you ever harming another innocent again, or... dispersal.”

Jessica bolts upright, raising her voice to a near shout, “What the hell does that mean?!”

Starbrite quickly reaches forwards to restrain Jessica, pulling her back to her seat, “Miss Stoneberg, Jessica… You must not interfere.”

Jessica looks at Starbrite, anger flashing behind her spectacles. Lowering her voice slightly she asks if it’s interfering to request and explanation?

The speakers form pulses as he focuses his attention on Jessica and Starbrite. “I will explain Miss Stoneberg, if you will allow me too.”

Jessica looks at the speaker, and nods, a frown visible on her face.

The speaker goes on to explain the details of the restructuring, that their specialists would enter Ellie’s mind and adjust it so that she can no longer initiate any kind of violent act against another. She would be able to respond in defence of others in danger, and will be able to defend herself if attacked, but she will be wholly unable to attack an innocent being. He goes on to explain that the only other alternative would be to remove Mikoshi, Ellie’s Kheldian, from their bonding and disperse his energies into the void. Because of the damage done to her and Mikoshi, Ellie would not be able to survive the lose of her bonding.

Jessica sits back, as if stricken with shock; her eyes unfocused as she considers the speakers words. With a saddened look, she nods that she understands, asking if there will ever be a way for Ellie to grow beyond this restraint they are forcing on her..

The speakers’ form pulses brightly as he responds, “No, the change will be irreversible; and if a way is found to circumvent the adjustment, we will have no choice but to carry out the alternative sentence. We cannot allow her to remain unchecked; she represents far too great a danger.”

Jessica looks at Ellie with a sad look, wondering why she’s said nothing. Her shoulder slumps as she accepts the elders’ decision.

Ellie slowly stands and looks at Jess before turning back to the speaker. “Will… I still be ME afterwards?”

The speaker turns his attention back to Ellie and seems to dim slightly as he considers for a moment. “We… cannot be certain. If successful, the procedure should not alter your personality in any way, but we cannot guarantee this.”

Ellie nods, her face expressionless. “Can I have a few moments alone with Jessica please?”

“We will allow you 10 minutes...” With that, the council members rise and file from the room, Starbrite behind them, and Ellie and Jessica are left, alone.

Hi all, The following story is the completion of a very long running plot which started at Galaxy Girl several months ago... If you've not been following the plot, or are unaware of what's been going on, I'm afraid the events here won't make a lot of sense to you, sorry!

Due to the lack of information on the heirarchy of the Peacebringers, certain assumptions are made. If they're wrong, well... All fan-fiction is always considered non-canon!

For the rest, enjoy!

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Part One

Ellie sighed in exasperation as she crumpled up yet another sketch and threw it in the overflowing waste basket. Jess looked up from her book with an affectionate smile, "Having problems?"

"Gah... I just can't concentrate... I told Sam I'd have some designs for her by the weekend, but everything I've tried so far is dreadful! How am I ever going to convince some people to loan me enough start-up money if I can't even design a costume for a friend?"

Jess carefully inserted a bookmark into her book and gently closed it, placing it on the coffee table, "What's bothering you?"

Ellie sat up from her slouched position and dumped her sketchpad and pencil on the table, "I dunno... I just can't keep my mind on Sam's designs..."

Jess leaned over and plucked the most recent sketch from the wastebasket and carefully smoothed out the crumpled paper to reveal the half done sketch. "It looks perfectly OK to me, Ellie. What's up with it?"

"Everything! The shape of the skirt is wrong, the cape doesn't fit..."

Jess smiles as she looks at Ellie, "Maybe you should have a break for now? Relax in the bath for a bit?"

"I guess... I AM feeling a little stiff, and this damned collar is chafing again."

"Alright... I'll go run it for you, and I'll add some soothing oils for you, maybe it will help" Jess smiled once more and gracefully rose to her feet, heading out the lounge towards the bathroom.

Ellie watched her leave and heaved herself off the sofa. She couldn't believe how stiff she was feeling! The inhibitor collar she was forced to wear seemed to be doing more than robbing her of her Kheldian abilities; she was starting to lose her cat ones now too. Smells weren't so sharp, her reflexes were slower, and she'd even tripped over her own feet this morning!

"Sooner I get this bloody thing off, the better!" She muttered, as she headed towards the bathroom.

Jess was just finishing adding the oils to the bath as Ellie entered, the water still flowing and filling the room with thick steam. As Ellie reached up to pull her t-shirt off, Jess rose. "I'll go put the kettle on, make you some herbal tea... Mint?"

Ellie nodded, "Please."

As she left the room, Ellie finished getting undressed and, shutting the water off, climbed into the tub with a long sigh.


Jess, meanwhile, had entered the kitchen and was preparing the cups when she heard a knocking at the door. Frowning, she glanced at the clock on the wall... "Who'd be calling on us at this time of night?", She wondered, as she headed towards the door.

Sliding open the spy hole cover, she looked through to see who it was, but all she could see was a glare of light, so she unlocked the door, leaving the security chain in place, and opened it.

"Ah, good evening Miss Stoneberg", came a deep rumbling voice, "My apologies for disturbing you so late, but I need to speak with Eloise."

Jess blinked against the sudden intrusion of bright light and eventually made out a familiar face. "Oh... Starbrite, good evening."

Stepping back briefly to release the security chain, she opened the door wide and gestured for Starbrite to enter. With a nod of thanks, he stepped into the apartment. "Is Eloise available? I need to speak with her rather urgently."

Jess looked at Starbrite carefully, his brightly glowing eyes, as well as his body language, clearly showed his agitation.

"She's taking a bath right now, but if you tell me what you want, I'll let her know for you."

Starbrite nervously looked down for a moment, "Can you ask her to get dressed then? The... council have made their decision and have ordered me to bring her immediately for judgement."

Jess frowned, pursing her lips at Starbrites words. "Can't this wait until morning? They've waiting this long, a few more hours can't possibly make a difference."

"I'm sorry Miss Stoneberg, but they said they would brook no further delay. They were going to teleport Eloise directly to the council chamber until I volunteered to bring her this way instead..."

Jess sighed, "Well, thank you for that at least. Will I be allowed to accompany her this time?"

Starbrite thought for a moment, and then nodded. "No mention was made about you not being permitted to accompany her, so they can't object if you should arrive with her."

Jess nodded, "Please wait here for a few moments then, I'll let her know..."

With a nod, Starbrite watched as Jess walked up the hallway, his concern clear on his face as the elders’ decision wracked his thoughts.

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A single high-level tanker with a defender sidekick can be very very tough still.

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Not just tanks... At level 37, last Tuesday, I was tanking a level 41 Terra (Devoured AV) in dwarf form, with the support of an empath. I was never in any danger Without the empath I'd have been toast, but she kept me alive so I could hold Terra's attention whilst the scrappers and blasters did their business!

Still, do we actually HAVE any confirmed numbers? Just taken light form last night so knowing how best to slot it would be handy...

Wow.. just.. wow! You've got a pretty good voice and that's just.. well. genius!

Bridger, I hereby by request, nay, DEMAND, that Fire_Guardian be made a Creative Genius and get prizes!!!

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What's worse... I was one of those heroes that actually WORE those colors (it was the SG, honest!)

Great and funny story, Sprinkhaan

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Ahem.. That's Inago.. This is Innigo...

Ah... It makes a nice change to read some humour, I'm glad we're finally seeing some with this and the Femme's story!

Nice work Innigo!

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I'd go with Cat People by David Bowie. I mean, it's got some great lines in there for Ellie. "Putting out fire with gasoline."

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Hmmm.. That would work too!

I think Miss Ellie's would have to be the theme tune from the movie "Aliens"

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(Face it, in modern America, if he said anything in Welsh the NSA would be hunting him as an Islamic terrorist. )

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No.. I'm pretty sure they'd just go after him cause he's Welsh...

As always Wordy, a very nice story...

One thing though... Did you know you used the same title as Ghost's Crimson Fox story?

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While I don't have an issue with people RPing in any way they wish, in an environment like GG, on a server designated for English, my opinion is to stick to English for the vast majority of the time.

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Oh I do! I just think throwing the odd phrase in here and there, such as at times when the character is surprised, add a little authenticity... Understanding isn't required, most times someone will say "Pardon?" anyway and get a translation...

Good lord!! I loved it!!! Especially the ending!

I especially liked the character name Ecs.. Brilliant!

One thing I've found helpful when playing characters who's first language isn't English, is to insert the occasional word of their native language into their speech. Nothing complex, just the odd phrase here and there... It's especially useful when the character is taken by surprise or something!

For example. I have a french character, several things he's seen lately have caused him to exlaim "Good Lord!" in french, so I typed "Bon Seigneur!" instead. Now, possibly that's not the correct phrase a French person would use (I've forgotten most of the French I learned in school), but it lends the desired effect...

So, for convincing Russian, try finding an online translator that will give you translations in the English alphabet rather than the Cryllic one, or get a phrase book! You don't need it, but it can help a lot towards being more convincing!

I also had a Japanese toon but rarely play her. Others have played and do play Japanese toons too, and we all use some Japanese words and phrases... Though no one ever noticed her swearing!

EDIT: Thinking about it, "Mon Dieu!" would probably be more accurate.. Silly me!

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Ummm....so now you spend your time staring at a squids backside??
I think I'll go lie down for a little while now...

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ROFL!!! That's a good one!!

Ahem... Actually... MOST of the play with Miss Ellie is roleplay, not a great deal of combat, so I spend a lot of time looking at a cute rear... Or at least, as cute as a computer game characters rear can get anyway...

I spent siz months starting at a male backside on Novastar, so when I'd finally got him to 50, is swore to spend some time making female toons!

As it turns out, apparently I'm not bad at it either! Ellie is a complex character, being a mix of human, cat and kheldian and I can get away with explaining any non-feminine behaviour as the cat she was blended with was a tom! (Though physically, she's 100% female!)

My wife helps me out from time to time with Ellie's character, offering suggestions as to how to react, but mostly it's me!

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Books are made of paper and can be found in libraries and shops and other such places. The three laws of robotics are from Isaac Asimov's "I, Robot" series.


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A popular misconception in fact... If you read 'The Early Asimov, Volume 1', Asimov himself states that he and a magazine editor named John Campbell hashed out the three laws together. Campbell apparently insisted Asimov take the credit as he had the original idea and Campbell merely helped bring it to fruition. Asimov insists Campbell did most of the work... ;p

And they were first postulated for the story "Robbie", contained within the "I, Robot" anthology of short stories...

It is accepted that the 3 (now 4) laws themselves have become public domain throughout the years, but as a mark of respect, the only books where they are quoted in full are Asimov's own. Other authors only usually reference them in passing. For peoples interest, the laws are:

1) A robot may not harm a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) A robot must obey all orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would break the first law
3) A robot must protect its own existance, except where such protection would break the first or second laws.

In later books, Asimov added an additional law, postulated by a telepathic robot and later implemented by a humaniform robot. That is:

0) A robot may not harm humanity, or through inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.

The other three laws were then suitable modified.

And there ends today's lesson on the three laws of robotics!

Oh, and Commander Beet. An interesting story, with some good ideas. Not wishing to cause offence, I offer some honest opinions. PLEASE don't take them personally, I mean them only to provide honest thoughts as to how the story comes across!

As a whole, the story seemed somewhat rambling, as if there was little direction. Your timescale at the start, for the length of the project was a little odd, 2 weeks and 18 days? Surely that should be 4 weeks and 4 days? In which case, 8 months and 3 days or so perhaps? A minor point, but a little confusing.

When it accessed the internet, why did it do this? What there a purpose for that? Something I felt could have been explained to the reader. Then when it spoke (connecting a speaker to a hard drive, huh?), it didn't seem to know why it had done that. And when it tried to attack it's creator, the laws of robotics wouldn't permit it to even attempt this, and I couldn't see why it did that anyway.

The space war I found most confusing. The first part seemed to deal with something in our own time, then jumps to almost 2000 years later. This section I felt needed considerable fleshing out and better explanation.

PLEASE don't take any offence at my criticism!!! I enjoyed the story in itself as a bare bones framework for BEET's genesis, but I felt the way it was put accross needs some work to become a solid story. I hope you can take my thoughts and use them to help you with the next story!