The Amazing N00b (Part 1)
By
FloatingFatMan,
Posted on: 2006-01-18 16:13 in Multi-Media Fan Creations
N00b stepped off the train in Atlas and to his disappointment there was a total lack of fanfare. There he stood, resplendent in his brand new costume that his mother had designed and made for him. Shed spent many long nights slaving over a hot sewing machine to have it ready for his trip to Paragon and none of the locals appeared to be impressed in the slightest. In fact none of them were even bothering with a second glance although he wasnt sure hed thought hed caught one or two smirking at him.
He looked down at himself and to the costume that almost, but not quite, fit. It was a little baggy across the chest a little tight around the waist and if he attempted anything more strenuous than a sedate walk the crotch would ride up with a dogged determination to ensure that N00b would never be a father.
It was true that, if hed been asked, hed have chosen a material other than velour a material that gave the illusion of comfort and softness without coming close to delivering either.
It was true that hed had his doubt about the colour scheme. In his own mind pink and lime green were not colours normally associated with a male superhero, at least not a heterosexual one. The boots were also another point of reservation. The toes were far too pointy for his liking and he was at a loss to determine what message his mother had been trying to send by making the points curl up and sewing little bells onto the ends of them.
As he looked at the bells that jingled merrily with even the smallest of movements a rebellious though shouldered its way uninvited into his mind. Guilt was the natural response and the most grievous guilt in N00bs world as the thought had been to defy his Mothers wishes.
A brief but ferocious battle was waged in the depths of N00bs mind. The rebellious thought put up a brave fight, bolstered by the 1000 miles of distance between N00b and his mother and the fact that shed never find out. Its opponent was a veteran of many campaigns against similar thoughts and took no prisoners. It launched the nuclear strike of calling forth an image of N00bs Mother crying pitifully after an incident in his past where rebellion had won out and hed been caught in the act of defiance. Is this what you want to do to your own Mother, it demanded. Victory was declared a moment later and the little bells remained.
Quite used to this kind of thing N00b put the bells out of his mind and set about the immediate set of task. Which were;
1. Register as a superhero.
2. Find somewhere to live and dump his stuff.
3. Fight some crime ideally including some damsel in distress in desperate need of rescuing
4. Find out what sex was like.
He threw his duffel bag over his shoulder and headed out of the station and into the bright light of a typical Paragon afternoon and managed to do a passable job of ignoring the constant jingling from his feet.
He needed directions, most of the locals seemed to absorbed in their own affairs as they bustled past him, furiously going about their own business, but a few yards from the station he spied a small group of young men with a more relaxed demeanour and taking the time to enjoy the glorious afternoon and from their laughter, each others company.
N00b headed over.
Excuse me, he began. The three men turned in unison to face him. I wonder if you could...
Its a cape! exclaimed one.
Get him! another cried.
The muzzles of several formidable weapons suddenly filled N00bs view and he did what came naturally to him. He dropped his duffel bag and ran. The stutter of gunfire followed him, bullets overtook him several found their mark and slammed into his back, fortunately bullets couldnt penetrate N00bs flesh but that didnt stop them from hurting.
N00b winced with pain as he sprinted for everything he was worth, the jingling from his boots took on a manic quality as the crotch of his homemade super-suit attempted to plumb unknown regions. Finally he risked a glance behind him, only one of his attackers was still pursuing. The others were heading back to retrieve his discarded duffel bag.
The bag held almost all of N00bs worldly possessions and the sudden realisation of what he was handing over to these thugs made him forget his immediate peril. Anger rose within him like a geyser. He was a hero after all, it was his job, his duty to rid the streets of this kind of scum. It was the reason hed travelled all this way.
A shotgun blast followed by the explosion of bark from a tree trunk a few feet from where he was standing derailed this train of thought and before hed even fully acknowledged the near miss N00b found his legs pumping for everything they were worth.
He slipped into an alley and followed it around the back of a row of shops. At the next corner he paused, panting, and pushed himself against the corner and risked a glance back down the alley. There was no immediate sign of pursuit. As the second ticked past his panic subsided and was replaced, tentatively with relief as he became more convinced his pursuer had given up.
After a minute when it became certain he was safe N00b heaved a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and wondered if he should get on the first train out of here. Perhaps Mother had been wrong, perhaps he didnt have what it took to be a hero. Visions of his mother wailing with shame filled his minds eye and pushed the doubt, if not away, at least down where they could be ignored for the meantime.
Several more minutes passed and N00b felt safe enough to emerge from his hiding place and cautiously made his way down up the alley to the street. He peered out in the direction hed come but of his pursuer there was no sign and he stepped out onto the pavement.
Then a voice called, Its a hero!
Get him, shouted another.
N00b rounded to find three youths a few yards up the street frantically drawing weapons. N00b reacted instantly and even before the first shot was fired he was almost a hundred yards away.
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
That is a really good story 
It kept me gripped and i just wanted to find out what happened to this "N00b". It was funny too. Out of 10 i give it 100/10 
And yes i meant to put 100 
Write another sequel to him. 
Contact Information!
Twitter: @TonyParkeze
Facebook: www.facebook.com/anthonyjp91
Email: anthonyjp91@gmail.com
This is funny, not least because I've -seen- heroes in outfits that bad on the streets of Paragon City.
What random costume button do? *click* MY EYES!
Good one. It reminds me slightly of Rincewind, although he at least doesn't have his mother 'helping'.
My style, when I like to flatter myself, is somewhere between the writing talents of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams, although in reality is probably closer to the talents of their pet fish... after severe head injuries.
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
gosh, i think i'll scrap my writing attempts right now ^_- no way i can do something as easy to read as that was
EDIT: Also - pink and lime green are the sg colours for the laser explosion!! yay!!
Now that made me laugh, class.
Don't ask me about joining Honourable United, I'm lazy. Ask Captain Cathode.
http://www.onthejazz.co.uk/honu/
"If I had a punch, I would so hit that guy." - Millenium (because drinking nail varnish remover is for real men)
Ah... It makes a nice change to read some humour, I'm glad we're finally seeing some with this and the Femme's story!
Nice work Innigo!
@FloatingFatMan
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Part 2 would be nice
Thanks for the kind words everyone. It's greatly appreciated. The 1st draft of Part 2 is awaiting editing and should be out tomorrow. Part 3 is halfway through and should come out Sunday. One every two days is MORE than enough for a slacker like myself
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
[ QUOTE ]
This is funny, not least because I've -seen- heroes in outfits that bad on the streets of Paragon City.
[/ QUOTE ]
What's worse... I was one of those heroes that actually WORE those colors (it was the SG, honest!)
Great and funny story, Innigo
@ShadowGhost & @Ghostie
The Grav Mistress, Mistress of Gravity
If you have nothing useful to say, you have two choices: Say something useless or stay quiet.
[ QUOTE ]
What's worse... I was one of those heroes that actually WORE those colors (it was the SG, honest!)
Great and funny story, Sprinkhaan
[/ QUOTE ]
Ahem.. That's Inago.. This is Innigo...
@FloatingFatMan
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Oops! - edited...
@ShadowGhost & @Ghostie
The Grav Mistress, Mistress of Gravity
If you have nothing useful to say, you have two choices: Say something useless or stay quiet.
I have enjoyed, a great deal, some of the works of fiction posted in this forum and as my ambitions lie along the lines of being a writer I thought it high time I contributed something.
I hope to make this a regular thing and any and all support and criticism is welcome.
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)