DeviousMe

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- Ninjitsu: it's been well-advertised on these forums that this powerset is broken, and apparently some mission creators know it's broken, yet still insist on putting it in their missions. Please don't use it until it's fixed. The overkill in damage is pretty intense, and non-melee ATs are obliterated almost instantly.

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Sorry, but when I need an enemy that has a cloaking/hidind concept, ninjitsu is currently the only powerset that allows me to do this. So I use it. Sparingly, but I use it. My suggestion here is to give your nin-using enemies weaknesses; like making them easy to mez and such.

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- Trick Arrow: huh? Yep. Flash arrow goes off **constantly** and it's no fun fighting blind or converting all your insps to accuracies every time you see a trick arrow minion. Note to fire control builds: be mindful that Smoke can do the same thing if being spammed by several npcs.

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Add smoke grenade from /devices to that list.

Also, something you missed: minions with dark miasma love spamming tar patch, which is even worse than caltrops. Watch what critters you give these things to.

That might be problematic. See, the dragons in the first mission are more a result of the Circle messing up their second summoning spell since the dragon they got from the first one put them in a panic when he sicced Malta on them. They're not the pirates' enemies; just people who got caught in the middle of junk while minding their own business.

I see what you mean, though. Sadly, the Thorn Tree map has too few spawn points to pull off the first mission in (the map's actually pretty small; it's just the last room that takes up a lot of space). However, I may be able to adjust the story in such a way as to move the setting to the outdoor Thorn Isle map, shortening the mission. We'll see how that goes. Thanks for all your input, it gave me some really good pointers.

Sorry bud, I'm just not comfortable giving out my email to random strangers. Been smacked with spambots one too many times. Many thanks for the go-through, though.

Oh, one question about the ellipses: are you sure about that? I mean, I don't know about British English, but in American I've never seen anyone write 'X...Y' with spaces between. That struck me as kind of strange.

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I don't see a problem with offering a Platinum Class roll that gives you a random purple recipe at 10k tickets.

(You might want to think about this for a moment if it seems game-breaking to you,)

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MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Yes. Yes, I like that.

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No fair. My poor tea.

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I said:
KoA felt out of place.
Your reply:
Not sure I understand. According to game lore, KoA and Malta are supposed to be complementary organizations. How does their presence feel out of place?

It was just my gut reaction while in the mish. We know they have worked together, in fact Malta is a loose knit group of different organizations with like minded ideologies. So Malta hypothetically can be working with any group in the game. I guess I felt that way because the KoA we'ren't mentioned in the storyline and there are just a few added into an arc that is mostly Malta.

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I see. I'll see what I can do about that. I put her in there mostly so people couldn't stealth past her since Malta don't have any +perception; I thought the established tradition of KoA patrols found in Malta bases in the pre-MA story arcs set enough of a precedent there, but apparently there's room for improvement there. Thanks for your input.

Oh, and any thoughts to my other question?

Not to generic spawns, but you can make your smoke-grenadiers bosses and put them into the mission as non-required 'fight a boss' objectives.

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Unique maps are nice, but long, when u have many of them it makes the arc very long. I was not a fan of mish 2, maybe just my taste, but I felt it was unnecessary.

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Yeah, a lot of people seem to have personal issues with the Thorn Tree map, I don't blame ya. It was necessary for the story though, to convey the feeling that the Dark Dragon is supposedly very powerful. As for Malta...eh, I like fighting them. They're one of the few standard NPC groups you actually need to be careful with. Some people (like me) like that, others don't, so whatever floats your boat there, I guess.

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Custom critter allies were introduced early, but enemy CC introduced too late.

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Interesting opinion. At which point in the story would you feel their appearance would come across better?

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KoA felt out of place.

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Not sure I understand. According to game lore, KoA and Malta are supposed to be complementary organizations. How does their presence feel out of place?

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Ambush in mish 2 included 2 sappers (and i was on diff 1 !!!).

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Nah, you just spawned two ambushes at once. I removed the second one so that can't happen anymore. Thanks for finding this.

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A great map but the Dragon was way too talkative. That opening dialogue by Dragon when u exit the ele is way too long. There is a bad command as well; says "$name."

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Command's correct, but didn't take, so I removed it. Also cut that text by about half. Thanks for finding that too.

Um, as far as I'm aware, any critter that can generate a lvl 50 drop can drop a purple recipe. So just run dev-choiced arcs with lvl 50 enemies in them, and sooner or later you should get a purple drop.

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Let me also state for the record that "a bunch of stuff that happened" applies to damn near every story in the entire game, so I'm going to disregard that entirely as an objection,

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By all means. Like I said, not everything my 'gripes' list is something I hold against the arc itself; some things are just my own preferences, which I do not apply to the way I rate.

And yes, you're correct. However, I've also seen a good few arcs that don't fall into that category. In my opinion, an arc isn't just a nuch of stuff that happened when it fulfills one of the following conditions.

1) Has a morale of the story. Doesn't need to be something profound, but it does need to be a little nugget of wisdom taught by the tale.

2) Has a larger theme; something that makes the player feel his or her actions make (or would) impact the game world itself. A classic example of this is the 'stop the villain's doomsday weapon' plot, as it affects more than just what's specifically seen.

3) Conveys the feeling of "only you can do this"; i.e. doesn't give the sense that if the player quits the arc, the contact can just call up some other person and they'll get the job done. Note that this applies more to heroes than villains, or at least heroic deeds.

4) Gives the player a choice, and one that requires some thought. The choice of saving many lives at the cost of one or one with the potential for the deaths of many is a classic example of this; though obviously geared more toward heroics.

Your arc, for instance, has the potential for 1 and 2, but doesn't really convey either. If you'd like a suggestion there, a body-snatcher story like this makes great fuel for a "Do we ever really know who we are?" morale at the end, when you mention the sorting out of getting people back into their correct bodies. Heck, Luminary being Luminary, I can see her asking that question straight-out.

I also get a sense that 2 gets started with Shanghai being wanted by so many villain groups, but it crashes somewhere along the way due to the unanswered "Why is this essentially generic villainness so special?" The answer of "Villain group X could do terrible thing Y, which you prevented by running this arc" would really add some impact there - with a little immersion from the player, of course.

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Arc Name: Catching Lightning in a Bottle
Arc ID: 60639
Author: @Hertz
Number of Missions: 5 (one defeat all)
Level Range: 40-45 heroic
Description: Defeat the body-exchanging villainess Shanghai.

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Rating: **
Likes: Interesting plot idea.
Gripes: Disjointed objectives, lack of clues, unncessary defeat all, plot holes (one of which creates a filler mission), ESP overload, ‘what happened’ resolution, player power river (though not quite Mary Sue), level gap, “just a bunch of stuff that happened”.

Synopsis: This needs a lot of work, even from a mechanics standpoint. While the concept that authors very often see the characters they include in their arcs as vastly more powerful than those of other players (represented by them being AVs/EBs) irks me personally, my personal feelings on the matter did not influence that from a mission mechanics standpoint, your character allies were simply too much, especially with the large number of them in the last mission. They removed most of the challenge of the arc, and turned the final fight into something I could’ve gone afk on, and that just isn’t fun.

The disjointed mission objectives and lack of clues, however, were the hardest-hitting problems, aside from the occasional Idiot Ball, and IMO are your highest priority to fix if you want to make this a really good arc. The potential is there, no doubt about it, but the storytelling itself needs much improvement.

Really close on that list should also be the plot hole in mission 4. If you don’t explain the caves and the kidnapping there, this mission feels like nothing more than ‘I needed another mission to make this 5’; i.e. a timesink; filler. Without that explanation, there is no reason for this mission, as Luminary could just call the PPD and ask them to deliver Shanghai’s body to the boat.

Equally as important is the resolution of this arc. All this time Shanghai has been jumping from body to body, and suddenly she just doesn’t feel like escaping? No. This needs a better resolution, no doubt about it, even if it’s just generic Applied Phlebotinum. If you’ve really got no explanation on hand, I suggest a device Luminary got from Positron; something developed as a countermeasure to Shanghai’s powers.

On the positive side, the arc is a pleasure to read, as you’ve got very few spelling and grammar errors, and the plot itself is a great concept and has the potential to be a hectic-feeling, mystery-laden adventure for any sort of hero. As it is now, however, it’s neither a challenge nor does it convey the story to be told well. Needs work.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Intro dialogue: The PPD has riflemen? Strikes me more as should be ‘officer’ there. Also, there should be a ‘the’ in front of Themis Corps, unless of course it’s the corps of the hero Themis, in which case there should be an apostrophe after Themis. Same goes for the other references to it.

Mission: so the first thing I find is Desdemona, and I have to say I’m a little struck by the overused nature of that name. She doesn’t give me a clue either, but at least the dialogue hints at things – as does Strongman Sal, whom somehow I already know to defeat, but drops no clue either, making the storytelling here just a bit too ambiguous. This continues with the hostage in the last room, and apparently my ESP is very good now, since I know Shanghai shows up the moment I blab about her escape. Must’ve failed me earlier since I didn’t see her anywhere. Could’ve sworn I took everything out on my way here.

Oh, she shows up as the PPD ‘rifleman’ on a raid, okay. Odd that she’s got Longbow and not PPD, but at least now the backtrack makes sense. Still feels very disjointed, though.

What could this mission use? Clues. Lots of them. Clues and supporting text are a very good bridge between objectives, and should be used as such. Also, the nav text about Strongman Sal could be more ambiguous; like ‘defeat villain leader’ or something.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Intro dialogue: Luminary seems to know unusually much about the Carnival rebellion and its workings. Not really a problem, but could be touched upon more in the previous mission.

Mission: Okay, fairly straightforward. Gives some hints as to what’s going on, which is good. The Mistress seems unusually interested in Shanghai though, and not in a good way. Considering what happened last mission, I think I’ve just been tossed the Idiot Ball.

What could this mission use? More detailed intro dialogue. Why is Shanghai so interesting to these villains?

[u]Mission 3[u]

Intro dialogue: There should not be a comma between friends and too. Also, it’s spelled ‘Ziggurat’.

Mission: Hm, so I’m supposed to ‘extract’ this Junk person, which everyone suddenly seems to want to get at Shanghai, including of all people Nemesis. Right. And it’s a defeat all, on a map where spawns just love to hide. Feels very unnecessary, especially after rescuing the PPD officer who outright says he’s going to get backup. Why do I have to take out everybody when there’ll be more PPD on-scene shortly? Well, time to lead the known criminal out instead of stuffing him back into his cell. Oh look, he’s going to get the Flyer warmed up. I wonder what he’ll do with it while I’m of fighting Shanghai, whom I suddenly know is there thanks to my ESP. Well, at least she drops a clue. Yes, I wonder whoever could this very close body be? I think I just got handed another Idiot Ball.

Return dialogue: Oh, I take that back, I’m holding only one. Seems Junk remained in custody after all. That’s certainly an unexpected twist. Should still be spelled ‘Ziggurat’, though.

What could this mission use? Some connecting text that Shanghai has arrived, not to mention something to explain why she’s so interesting to all these villain groups. Also that she took over Ohmboy (whose presence isn’t entirely explained either, but that’s an easy handwave) could be made less obvious, allowing for removal of the Idiot Ball.

[u]Mission 4[u]

Okay…why is a police officer being ‘held’ in a cave? Ah, got kidnapped I see. Kind of a major disconnect there. In fact, I’d call this a pretty significant plot hole. Okay then, time to find this officer. Seems there are some heroes here too, again without explanation, though that can be handwaved too I guess. So I find the officer, who isn’t an escort (much appreciated), and again my ESP pops up and tells me Shanghai is here. Time for another beatdown, but it seems this time she’s got no defeat dialogue or clue. How disappointing. Whoever will she pick up next? Certainly not the strapping young Acupuncher right next to me; I’ll just leave and let him go without a second thought.

What could this mission use? Objective-connecting text and clues, something to explain why the player lets Acupuncher go after what happened to Ohmboy.

[u]Mission 5[u]

Hm, kind of interesting that Arachnos got wind of this too, but I suppose Junk could’ve just called them in. Odd that I need to defeat him before Shanghai will show, though. Well, I pick up the officer, Shangai’s body, and the predictably displaced Acupuncher and beat the stuffing out of Junk without lifting a finger. How disappointing. Also no clue, no objective-joining text, he doesn’t even call out for Shanghai’s help; I just suddenly know she’s here thanks to my ESP. Beatdown time again, no challenge at all thanks to the rampant Ebs, mission ends, and suddenly Shangai is caught because someone thought up something I’m not told about that prevents her from escaping yet again. Not like she could’ve just hopped over into an Arachnos body and tried this whole thing again.

What could this mission use? Objective-joining text and clues, a better resolution.

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You're gonna have to explain "level gap". The mission without Brickers in them are 1-20 instead of 8-20? Is that it?

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Correct. As you can see, it's a personal gripe of mine, so I didn't hold it against you. As someone else reviewing arcs around here (I forget who) said, I consider a contiguous level range (+/- 1 or 2 at most) to be a final polishing touch to an arc, something that tells me the author really paid attention to the finer points of his or her arc, in this case by ensuring that players 'felt' about the same throughout the arc, not losing or gaining powers.

This applies foremost to maximum level, which you did an excellent job on in your arc, but it is my opinion that for a truly well-polished arc, the minimum level should remain in the general range as well. That's just a personal thing of mine though, and has no effect on my ratings (unless the level range gets really wonky, like going from 45 to 23 all of a sudden ).

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How well do you remember the first time you fought Clockwork? I remember their rapid-fire electric brawls being a real pain. I'd say they're on the high end of lowbie groups, less so than Vazhilok. Since this is intended as an arc that even lowbie heroes can run I'd rather err on the side of easy.

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I have no issues with that and didn't hold it against you, heh. I just prefer things to be a challenge - not 'oh man, this is hard', but not a cakewalk either. Take this as you may, for I know opinions on this are wide and varied.

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Did not realise it recognised Ps as well as BRs - nice.

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Huh, i didn't either. Must try that sometime.

I'd appreciate this greatly, yes. People keep telling me they're finding typos in the following arcs, but never where exactly, so I haven't been able to track them down. The arcs are:

Hunting the Dark Dragon (ID# 2922)
This Is War, Part I - the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz (ID# 1356)

Gentleman Bones' step stopped in its tracks when the driver suddenly fountained with information, duly surprised. He hadn't believed the denim-hued Dragon's approach would actually get any results.

The draconian, however, seemed to very much disagree, a somewhat satisfied smile on his alien visage. As the necromancer halted his intervention, he let the man blubber on for a bit, passing the words through his mind for any clue he could latch onto.

"Yes, this monster is going to kill you next." he finally stated after a little time had passed, baring teeth and spreading his wings just a bit to appear more menacing, "Unless of course you tell it who we and they are - and let's not leave out your friend Jack while you're at it..."

--------------------

"I very much agree." the black-scaled draconian told Cory with a much-saying smirk, extending his hand to the man, "I am Ken'desseh Luun Drokar. Feel free to call me Ken, though. Any friend of Groul is a friend of mine. I'm his boss, you must know."

"And no, I'm just here to find him." he added in regard to the wizard's questions, "Seems some people are hunting regenerators and thought he'd make a good addition to whatever they're up to. They dragged him off in at least three pieces, however, so for obvious reasons I want him back as quickly as possible..."

Um...I kinda did.

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Therefore, I request that after you list your arc in the following standard format:

Arc Name:
Arc ID:
Author:
Number of Missions:
Level Range:
Description:

you give me some feedback on one of the following arcs: "the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz" or "Hunting the Dark Dragon",

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And from my feedback thread:

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And even though I can no longer edit this arc, so feedback will be most helpful for those above this line,

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While I've already said that further feedback on Welcome to AE isn't very useful to me since I can no longer edit it,

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Like I said though, don't worry about it; 's cool. I'm not gonna hold it against ya or let it affect your review in any way, form or fashion. You've got my word on that.

No, you just didn't read and gave me feedback on the arc that I wasn't asking for feedback on - and that I can't actually use feedback on anymore since it's no longer editable by me, so what you gave me was a litte...not very useful.

Don't worry, you're still on my list though - and next, in fact. Not gonna rile on ya for it. Decorum just got placed ahead of you because his feedback I can use to improve my creations, so giving him feedback to do the same with his own in return made his arc a higher priority.

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Arc #68429: Laugh? I Thought I'd DIE!
By @Decorum
Arc ID: 68429
Length: Long
First Published: 04/15/2009 11:01
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Collection, Battle, Defeat All Enemies
Mission 2: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, Collection, Release Captive
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, patrol, Release Captive, Escort.
Enemy Group: Custom Group
Description: That Krazy Killer Klown with Klaws, Cut-Up has escaped from the Polk and Prodd Sanitarium again (#453 in a series of 5000. Collect them all!). Find out what mischief he's up to and drag him back to his rubber room and rubber ducky! Bad jokes; medium difficulty; Level 25-up recommended.

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Rating: ****
Likes: Creative custom group, humorous arc, excellent animation choices, chaotic feel, some enemies are a very nice challenge
Gripes: Disjointed text and objectives, surprise EB

Synopsis: I do like comedy arcs, but this one's still got some rough edges to work out, though almost entirely in the mission objectives department. The custom critters could use a little more detail in their description, but that may be intentionally ambiguous, so I didn't hold that against you - or your horrid, horrid jokes.

The arc is fun, attention-keeping, and some enemies are a decent challenge, but with the dynamics set up the way they are now, I just couldn't rate it a 5. Iron (or hammer, if you will) those out, however, and you've got a top-of-the-line arc completely sans argument.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Mission: Certainly intrigued right off the stalagmite, and the jokes thus far aren't as bad as I feared. Ah, I see what the contact meant by be ready right away. Nice-looking custom group there, short and sweet descriptions...but why does the Punching Clown have claws? Shouldn't he have super strength or something? I mean, where's the punchline on that one? And is it just me, or does Judy have a Redding Rail Rifle?

Well, I dug through the trash, seems there was something about a device and fighting with Arachnos. Hm, that one must've slipped out from under me due to a lack of battle dialogue.

Return dialogue: Dr. Polk seems unusually upset about this device. Don't think the intro dialogue covered that.

What could this mission use? Dialogue for the battles.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Intro dialogue: This reads a bit choppy and sticky. Consider making a few sentences longer, combining things that relate to the same thought, etc. You know, just stuff to make the flow of reading easier.

Mission: Nice map choice there; don't see Lou's too often, and it seems of the appropriate length. So I open the secure storage, and it turns out someone's been in it already (not very secure, this secure storage, is it now?). Kind of a disconnect here, since the note I find is written by Joy-Buzzer, yet the nav text now tells me to defeat Boss Boppo.

Well, there he is, and with a Mime...that has sonic powers? I've heard of saying some very loud things without words, but this is just a tad too far-fetched for me. Shouldn't these guys be grav control? Would seem more appropriate to 'moving imaginary things and forces'.

So Boppo goes down (nice fight, enjoyed it), but suddenly I have to save a sidekick withou knowing why. Dynamic mission objectoves are nice and all, but they do need something to tie them into one another.

Ah, there's the sidekick...oh, so that's Joy-Buzzer. So what was the deal with Boppo then? Well, I'll take a guess and say she went an stole what they were after, and they didn't like that very much. However, the mission text really needs to cover that, especially if you're going to keep those objectives chained like this. This mission's pretty weak on connectivity as it is now.

What could this mission use? More connecting text between mission objectives, more elaborate clues, an explanation of how they got away with the device if I beat their boss, etc.

[u]Mission 3[u]

Intro dialogue: Needs a comma after 'what was what'.

Mission: Okay, that mission name sure caught my eye. Might want to make it a little brighter, though. Now then...wait, why am I rescuing Joy-Buzzer? I thought I was here for Dr. Prodd first of all? Well, guess I'll see.

Oh, there she is already, as a hostage to lead out, and saying her boss has gone crazy. Really now? HIT THE DECK, incoming Idiot Ball! Yeah, you really should make that one less obvious. Yep, soon as I tak her to the entrance, surprise EB fight (you really should warn people about those), and I finally get the objectives I initially expected.

Hey, there's Dr. Prodd, to be saved, and suddenly it's clone time. Okay, that doesn't sound too-WAUGH, ambush of purely bosses?! That's a little harsh, don't ya think? I thought I was being tough with an all-lt. one in on of my missions, but seriously, this one takes it.

Well, I off them, time to find Cut-Up, whose minions are oddly enough a lot funnier than he is. Makes me wonder who should be in charge here. Oh wait, scratch that, that coke line made it all better.

What could this mission use? Some organization. I realize it's supposed to have a chaotic feel to it, but it'd really flow much better if Joy-Buzzer was just an optional EB and the other objectves listed right away. Also, the standard EB/AV 'you may need a team' warning really should be here.

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With budget cuts all around, our struggling state is concerned with the eminent danger of human-animal hybrids.

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With intelligence cuts all around, our stuggling person is concerned with the eminent danger of human-based devolved protoplasm.

Gotcha. Had me worried there a sec'.

And someone didn't look for the surprise, huh? Well, no wonder War gave you so much trouble. There's a reason I put that there, you know.

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Arc Name: Bricked Electronics
Arc ID: 2180
Author: @GlaziusF
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 8-20
Description: Mark Freeman finds a ghost in a machine. Trailing it will lead you through the scrap heaps of Skyway City to meet an unexpected ally and stop a grievous heist.

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Rating: *****
Likes: Suspenseful presentation, optional objectives.
Gripes: Level gap, some disconnects, "just a bunch of stuff that happened".

Synopsis: Well now, this is certainly a nice low-midlow level arc, and one done very well to boot. The contact is not only a lesser-known CoH one who fits really well here, but the story itself makes use of him in an intrinsically way, and uses him to present the story in a respectably suspenseful manner.

While the plot itself isn't anything world-shaking, I'm rating based on the quality of the work, not whether or not I like or dislike any particular part because of personal theme preferences. It's solidly put together and fairly compelling, fits perfectly for a hero in the low to mid levels it's designed for, and the sparingly used custom critters greatly enhance the experience - something I consider a distinguishing mark of a very good arc. The only thing I'd have to say about them is that they're not very challenging.

There are a few minor plot holes, but they're not severe enough to cause any major disconnects (though it couldn't hurt to bridge them), which can easily be seen by them not making my gripe list. All in all, fun arc, good story, good mechanics, and a pleasure to read.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Barely out of the intro and already intrigued by your use of Mark Freeman. The attention grabber’s good, let’s see if it keeps. The map sure helps, and…ah, I see we’ve got Goldbrickers in a hero arc, woot. Some nice dialogue too, and the objectives are just ambiguous enough to leave the player guessing, nice. I liked the optional objectives too.

What could this mission use? Nothing I can think of.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Intro dialogue: there should be a comma after ‘tell’.

Mission: Ah, a custom group I see. Very intriguing, though a tad weak – the Clockwork wiped the floor with ‘em. Not sure about the nav text with the mysterious robot there, feels a bit forced.

What could this mission use? Maybe power up the custom critters a little more.

[u]Mission 3[u]

Intro dialogue: the bank insert feels a bit off. Can’t really scratch out why, though.

Mission: oh, a Council base. Nice twist. Also like the Archon’s dialogue, the fight itself, and the objective is well-chained. Not so sure about the use of ‘let me die’ though; you might rub some players the wrong way with that. Well, time to go after the gas canisters. Not entirely sure I’d actually blow those up (and they blow pretty big), but the guard dialogue is nice and amusing, and since it’s a tripartite, I guess that’s not too big of an issue.

What could this mission use? Perhaps change ‘die’ to something less absolute, like ‘axed’ or ‘beaten’, something to imply a more ambiguous defeat.

[u]Mission 4:[u]

Intro dialogue: there should be a comma after ‘note’.

Mission: Now it’s an abandoned office. Strange. I would’ve pegged the ‘Brickers for the warehouse type. Let’s see if that has a twist to it. Oh, what do we have here? A little ally, heh heh. Sadly, it doesn’t last long. The other one seems to though, and the dialogue’s an excellent touch. Now let’s see if we can find…that’s not a tech crate. And it’s certainly not a laptop either! I’m supposed to lug this huge thing back out instead of the crates? Why, I never.

What could this mission use? A little better connection between the crates/laptop deal. Didn’t find any crates, so not sure if that’s objective text you forgot to change at some point, but the computer thing just feels weird.

[u]Mission 5:[u]

Intro dialogue: Hm, small disconnect there between the bank and the computers. It’s still not stretchy enough that I’d consider it an issue, but it couldn’t hurt to explain the link a little better. Good warning with the time ext in red, however.

Mission: Fast and furious, heh heh. Nice twist with JJ’s ‘powers’. Small disconnect with the boss dialogue there, but the paranoia explains some of that. Was also kind of odd that one of the boxes turned out to be ‘check it’ while the other was ‘defend it’, but it worked out okay.

Return dialogue: Oh, some very nice insinuations there. Questions are raised, me like.

What could this mission use? A little more connection in the intro text.

Aw snap, did I type Gaussian in place of Serpent Drummer somewhere? Grgh, must recheck. Glad you like it so far, though.

Oh, and the patrols aren't just Guardians - but you need a team to spawn the stuff they're supposed to be 'guarding'. I recommend 4, maybe 5 people, and you'll find out exactly what I mean.

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Really, though- that might ruin the surprise (and your nav text did fool me into unsuccessfully attacking the malta commander first in his spawn) so it's really not a big deal if you leave it as is.

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Indeed - which was the whole point of that objective chain. More often than not, the Gunslinger will spawn exactly at the mission's halfway point or near it, but sometimes the RNG just has a mind of its own.

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Are you using the "random minion/lieut/boss" spawner, or just individual Rikti? If the latter I have no idea what to say.

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Yep, hand-picked every minion, lt. and boss. Dunno where them monkeys are coming from.

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Just to be clear here, we're talking about the same villains who ignore dropships bombing the hell out of their home turf to go rob banks, right?

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You have a point.

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Ok... ouch...

Umm... Would you mind editing yer

Arc Name: Hunting the Dark Dragon

Estimated Time to Play: 1/2 - 1 1/2 hours

to something longer... @_@

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I wouldn't, but apparently the boards disagree with me. Sorry to hear about the powerdown, though.

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First, can you please please please PLEASE make a group for the Rikti that has no monkeys and use it? It's bad enough that monkey gas makes allies crazy, but some of those allies teleport.

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Actually, I have. The 'Rikti' and 'Rikti Special Ops.' you see are both custom groups using standard NPCs, and have no underlings. Unfortunately, the game doesn't seem to agree and places them there anyway.

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Second, uh, if I'm running this on a villain, what is my disincentive to use the assault on Kings Row as cover for moving myself into Paragon? The War Zone is an effectively sealed environment but just giving villains access to Paragon because they say they'll fight the Rikti doesn't seem right.

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Well, first because you're working as a Vanguard operative (remember, this is after the RWZ events, though I will grant that it requires some immersion), and second because according to the story, all of Paragon is under attack by the Rikti. You'd have nowhere to move into where they wouldn't find and try to kill you eventually. Sadly, I can't really convey this anywhere else than the mission briefings, especially since the devs stole the Priests I was using to top off that zone invasion.

Maybe I can add some bone piles or grease spots to that map, say they're the remains of people that got zapped by the Rikti. Do you think that would make it more believable?

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1004, "Welcome to...", solo Blaster (50 elec/elec) on Heroic.

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While I've already said that further feedback on Welcome to AE isn't very useful to me since I can no longer edit it, I do appreciate the look. And yes, the .exe extensions are bosses. The 'all custom characters' bug is in the same category as the 'spontaneously self-rearranging multiple of the same category mission objective text' bug and the 'greatly increased damage and mez protection ninjitsu' bug - very annoying, but nothing I can do about it.

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Don't suppose offering feedback on Welcome to AE and the Dragon stuff in beta counts? Didn't think so. Revenge is commented upon, as far as I could get.

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Actually yes, it does. Thanks for taking a look at the Rikti arc anyway. I'll grab Bricked Electronics then, since it's the one on your list that I didn't play in beta already.

Or have you in the meantime updated those other acrs and would like to request a more thorough review?

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Thanks... You put the FU in fun!

Good day to you sir!

xoxo
Pyro!

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I'm sorry you feel that way. You asked for a critique, and you got it - an honest, impartial opinion of my person with much detail on exactly where you need to improve and suggestions on how to do so.

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Arc Name: The Sleeping Star
Arc ID: 53951
Author: @Leese
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 45-50 recommended, but I've done it on a lv41 Blaster.
Description:A young girl's friend has gone missing, and she'd like you to help search for her.

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Rating: *****
Likes: Intriguing plot, suspenseful presentation, creative semi-custom group, excellent story told with no particular reliance on custom stuff; your customs only enhance the thing.
Gripes: Level gap, surprise EB, non-EB customs not very challenging, "just a bunch of stuff that happened".

Synopsis: Very well-presented story that, while it's not something we haven't seen in the game before, is told from a perspective that shines truly new light onto the concept. It's both an origin story as well as an involved plot of mystery and suspense, and at several points I worried for the author's characters.

Some people may call Mary Sue, but I say no way. Excellently written, wonderful grammar, and while it's not a grand-scale-epic or presents a profound moral of the story, it is definitely an arc worthy of 5 stars: fun, involved, and a pleasure to both read and play.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Intro text: should read "Founders' Falls". Same with intro popup.

Mission: Hm, Founders' Falls and suspicious people. I like where this is going, though the objectives seem a little...off in their nav text representation and arrangement.

What could this mission use? You may want to make the suspicious people optional to take them off the nav text and just have the player find them, and retain the required suspicious spawn(s) for when Leese is found. Also, you might want to relabel 'find luggage' as 'look for clues', and set the defeat boss conditions to boss only - since you're interrogating just those individuals. Finally, even though the dialogue already conveys it, a clue along the 'you're too late' lines would feel very appropriate.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Hmm, 'invasion' huh? That seems a little far-fetched. Is...ah, I see now. Semi-custom Nictus group. Hey, this is getting interesting. Let's find this Cap'Tur guy before...NYAGH, there he is, and smacks me with 'artefact'! Should be an i instead of e. Also, his dialogue is pretty sparse. The clue, however, is very nicely presented.

What could this mission use? Dialogue. A little more for the boss, maybe a patrol for flavor. Also, maybe make the boss spawn after meeting up with Leese, having her say something about you better finding the leader of these 'villains'.

[u]Mission 3[u]

A Council base to investigate, huh? Hm, I'd kind of like to know why I need to defeat the base leader to do that. The AAR clue could use a blank line in-between those paragraphs, and I believe Kheldian should be capitalized. Don't quote me on that, though.

What could this mission use? A little contact text on the base leader, and something to include that you need to defeat his guards too. Changing the nav text to 'defeat base leader and guards' should take care of that nicely.

[u]Mission 4:[u]

Intro dialogue: very nice fake Idiot Ball. Also excellent reasoning for the subversion. Me like.

Mission: Again the nav text just jumps at me. How do I suddenly know all these things? Hey, nice ambush though, very clever. Oh, and what's this? Surprise EB! Well, good thing I've got my own, heh heh. Take it! So, we're dealing with the 5th now, are we?

What could this mission use? Ambiguous clues. Having them plural and not detailed at first would be nice, giving a sense of tension since you only discover what the clues are one at a time, and each paints another part of the picture that you didn't even know was there before.

[u]Mission 5:[u]

Intro popup: Council should be capitalized.

Mission: Well well well, the colors of old, how refreshing. Let's get to this. I see the nav text is focused on Leese only at first; very nice. The mission title ruins at a bit, but not dramatically. Oh my, looks like they got Leese...nope, but almost. Oh, NOW we're talking dynamic mission objectives, very nice. The clue could use another blank line, though.

Now then, let's see where this Vogt fellow...aha, surprise EB. And no ally. Nych. Well, do what I do. Oh, he's got a journal. Clue could use another blank line, but delivers the connection to the next objective very nicely indeed. Also nice twist on the EB not being the end of it, don't see that often at all. Not sure the escort's entirely necessary, though.

Ope, scratch that, it is indeed necessary. Very nice incorporation.

Exit popup: could use another blank line.

What could this mission use? A warning that if the 5th is really there that Vogt is probably very strong (you know, standard EB/AV you have to face text) somewhere.

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Appreciate the feedback...I'm on my way to run one of yours!!! Great idea for this tread btw...

TITLE: Nemesis Plot?

ARC ID: 73479

GLOBAL: Pyro Nympho

ENEMY: Custom (surprise), Arachnos, Nemesis, EBs/AVs

DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Depends on your weakness...muahahaha!!! (EBs/AVs...yes)


STORY TEASER: Nemesis requests your assistance. A Crey Scientist, Dr. Dubbs, holds the secret...to a weapon that could wipe out Paragon City. Lord Recluse wants it...Nemesis wants to stop him!

Teaming up with an Arch-Villian? Is this just another one of his Plots? Is Nemesis counting on you, or playing you against the Spider? (Special guest appearance of Kalinda, playing the role of herself).

Intrigue, mystery, backstabbing, and stealth belts (FTW!). Clones, Prototypes, Medical Duplicators, Binary DNA strands, and a glowing box...filled with EBs/AVs, and an assassin team to die for...literally!

Join the fun, or die trying!

WARNING!!! - Not for beginners. Some builds my find this story arc too difficult to complete. Grab a team! Only attempt to SOLO if your character can handle EBs/AVs alone. Check your difficulty level before starting...you will encounter Arch-Villians!!! (it's really not that tough...but really it is).


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Rating: ***
Likes: It's playable, and decently so. The enemies look fun, and some are a very nice challenge.
Gripes: Missing descriptions, disjointed text and objectives, Nemesis doesn't talk anything like Nemesis, some maps are very ill-fitting, level gap, mostly bland missions except for bosses and allies, unfinished (or hasty) feel, Wall Banger plot.

Synopsis: Oh boy, where do I start? Yeah, it's a Wall Banger. A decently written Wall Banger, but the Idiot Ball gets thrown early and sticks like glue. Also, I swear there's more than one, and they're stalking you. However, the crux of the problems with this arc is that it feels very unfinished; that not a lot of thought went into it after the initial conceptual stages.

So many descriptions are missing, and while some mystery is good, this is just excessive. Not only does it aid the Idiot Ball greatly, but it generally leaves me highly disappointed in what to me looks to have the potential for a really nasty Nemesis Plot. Regrettably, with the elements arranged the way they are (mostly chained mission objectives that appear dynamic, but often have no connection text at all), and the general lack of dialogue within the missions (apart from required bosses and allies), this just doesn't come out much better than a really good newspaper mission.

Sure, it's got a plot, and one with a ton of potential. As it is now, however, this plot is little more than a general Wall Banger.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Intro dialogue: Hmm, Lord Nemesis seems unusually level-headed today. I'm not really getting a sense of the pompous madman personality here. Not sure if that's part of the story or not yet, though. However, there is no 'the' in Arachnos, and as an organization, it's a singular term. Also, since when does Nemesis talk in yellow and orange?

Mission: Okay, this is a pretty big map...kinda bland too. That's not a good sign right off the bat. Remember, bigger is not always better, even when the map is marked 'unique'. Appropriate choice is very important. Also, your device spawned inside a wall, which for most players would make this mission not completeable.

So I scan the device, and Dr. Dubbs spawns with his missing custom description. Na ja. I'm all for dynamic objectives, but there should at least be a small link of text from click glowie to spawn hostage. Also, 'strange medical device' should not be capitalized in the clue given. The change to Kalinda went a bit more smoothly, but still came off as forced.

Hm, surprised she didn't run with the 'prevent escape' type nav text, so I;m not sure if that's a bug or intended. If the latter, you should probably change the text to just say 'defeat Kalinda'. Oh, I also got a...recap clue? Interesting. Hey, this thing's got some question marks on stuff that aren't questions. Even without though, this first mission feels kinda bland.

What could this mission use? A shorter map. Also some flavor text, maybe in the form of patrols or a few randomly placed boss spawns with dialogue. More polished and cohesive text.

Exit mission popup: binary data should not be capitalized.

Return dialogue: medical device should not be capitalized.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Intro dialogue: 'lead' should be 'led'. Medical journal should not be capitalized. Neither should medical facility in the accept mission box, automatons, or allies.

Nav text: "Dubbs" should be "Dubbs'", implying a possessive.

Intro popup: rubber bullets should not be capitalized.

Mission: Interesting...for a Crey researcher's place, this looks really run-down. Well, guess I'll have a look why. Oh, a file cabinet, which gives me a clue and a new objective, neither of which have anything to do with one another. Such things really shouldn't spawn in series like this. Well, off to crack open the safe...literally, apparently. Poor safe. Hey, who're those Killer Blondes? KoA with MPD? Hm, guess I'll never know since they don't have descriptions.

So I break open the...very odd-looking safe to find a journal...and suddenly know there's a captive here because of yet another disjointed chained objective. Wait, I know - that medical device from the last mission must've given me ESP! I can see the future!

No, but really, these disjointed objectives are getting a little annoying.

Well, guess I'll check out this captive. 'Prototype', hm? Apparently, my ESP is gone as quickly as it came, for I can find out nothing more due to lacking description. Guarded by Nemesis Automatons, to boot. I cast Force Sense and feel the presence of the Idiot Ball. Two seconds later, I've already caught it with no explanation. Oh wait, a clue...no, just filler. Filler that's apparently my character's opinion. Not sure how I feel about that. Oh, and the ambush has some capitalization problems.

What could this mission use? A lot of things. Nemesis Automatons are famous for their office chatter, and without it, this place feels very bland. Also, you could probably find a better fitting map. What really needs to change here, however, is the presentation of objectives (either chained and connected with text/clues or not presented at the beginning) and the descriptions for the custom group need to come in. Also, the Idiot Ball this early already?

Mission exit popup: medical journal should not be capitalized.

Return dialogue: 'An' should be capitalized. There should be a comma after sinister. 'These' should not have an extra s at the end, 'so-called' should not have a space. there should not be a question mark after 'own'. Medical journal and automaton group should not be cap...okay, I'm just going to stop with that, this is getting silly. No offense, but you really need to look up the capitalization rules for the English language.

Also, it would appear Lord Nemesis has a whole stack of Idiot Balls somewhere, as he takes the one I have with a gentle smirk and promptly hands me another one before the next mission even starts.

[u]Mission 3[u]

Intro popup: who is 'I'?

Mission: So I come in and need to find...the Multiplier. Sounds like a demonic abacus, which apparently I know since my ESP has returned. Interestingly enough, the Killer Blondes now like me. I guess that stealth belt really does work...either that, or it's my new haircut. Sadly, even the EBs have no description - and neither does anything from 'Twin Inc'. How disappointing.

So I find the Multiplier. Not an abacus after all, how sad. I either scan or search it - not sure which since the text says both, but the clue it gives me is at least somewhat useful. Apparently, however, combining DNA with binary code is a heinous crime, so I must now arrest Dr. Dubbs...or do I? The question mark in the nav text makes me wonder. Oh, and before I forget, I have to pick my Idiot Ball back up, since this mysterious device is obviously too mysterious to take with me, destroy (since it can't possibly be the thing that made many Prototypes out of one, right?), or report to someone else. Now that I have my ball, back to wondering about Dubbs.

Well, apparently my answer will have to wait, for I meet Duce Dubbs, and since despite my ESP I don't know Dr. Dubbs' first name, I have no idea if it's him or his evil twin. Considering, however, that he says I can't stop him from multiplying with a capital M (which shouldn't be there), all I can be sure of is that I've got a very demented mathematician on my hands. The recap clue leaves that question open, so I guess it's on purpose - which on one hand is good, but on the other really could've been presented better in the once-more disjointed chained objective. Also, the last part should read: "are he and Dr. Dubbs the same", not is.

What could this mission use? The same thing as the above.

Return dialogue: There should be a comma after understand. There should not be one after agreed.

[u]Mission 4:[u]

Intro dialogue: I'm told of a choice, but can't seem to make one. That's fairly typical, but I didn't expect it from an MA arc. There are so many tools available to go around this. Then again, I suppose I am still holding my Idiot Ball. Also, there should be a comma after 'don't follow me' and 'Good day to you'. 'Spare' should not have an extra s at the end.

Mission: Well, I'm off to save the city from Dubbs and Recluse apparently, so as soon as I enter, I must...save Kalinda? Okay, this is getting weird. Let's see what's what with that. Oh, apparently she betrayed Recluse, and now I have to save him instead. How unexpected. Well, at least the clue's nice and clear and I finally get to drop the Idiot Ball, even though 'considered' should have an n in it.

Next thing I run into a Killer Blondes EB, also an ally. Huh, it would seem the KB are some kind of programmed creations, possibly robots, created by Dr. Dubbs. This once has been reprogrammed to help me. Seems pretty effective, but sadly lacks description.

Next I find Dr. Dubbs - so Duce and Doctor are not the same man, though the Doc did create the Multiplier and now wants to do the very same thing I did back in mission 2. Nice to see whom I passed that ball to. Oh and look, there's Recluse, trapped by a pair of minions. Apparently, he had nothing to do with any of this, and is only here because Nemesis kept throwing his name around. Go figure. So that's where my second Idiot Ball went. I was looking for that.

I probably shouldn’t have been though, since it promptly gets thrown to me again. So I say hi to Duce Dubbs. Apparently, he's just a pawn, but Recluse steals my kill anyway. Does the same with Nemesis (whom I of course had to be told by Duce was pulling the strings before I realized I should go beat him), and only then may I finally destroy the Multiplier, which I reiterate I should've done way back in mission 2 already. Yeesh, what a Wall Banger.

What could this mission use? Too much to list here, but starting with the same as above is a good first step. Making the Idiot Ball just a bit less obvious would be a good idea too, at least as far as the objectives are concerned. That Duce, Nemesis, and the Multiplier all have to go is brutally obvious.

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Will Recommend it to my SG to run as a team...set on "Are You Crazy!!!"...should be a fun run.

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Careful with that - on teams, the Rikti bring out their hard-hitting troops. Running on high difficulty then can be a real handful.

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How did you even come up with that?

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To be honest: not sure. It just irked me somehow that AE was presented as this virtual reality and that things that happened in it didn't really affect anything. So I got to thinking 'wait a minute, even though you're in a simulation, that doesn't mean very real things can't come in and hurt you' - and that's pretty much what it all evolved from.