CactusBrawler

Just imagine the things like acclimatisation classes for dimensional visitors/extra terrestrials explaing such things as

"Hot dogs and dogs are two entirely different things."

and

"You're so sweet, I could just eat you up. Probably doesn't mean you are about to be attacked and devoured."

Might be a fun RP project, sort of regulators for the F.B.S.A the poor tie wearing, desk jockeys that have to deal with the issues raised by D.A.T.A hoover bots eating vital evidence, G.I.F.T visitors accidentally rearranging all the files with their latent probability mutant ability, M.A.G.I getting pixies in the air vents again, that's not to mention the sentient hamster in S.E.R.A.P.H that keeps nibbling on network cables, or the guy from E.L.I.T.E who has war flash backs and keeps turning one of the stock rooms into a foxhole.

Would M.A.G.I legally be allowed to do that, given the body stealing spirits, Malta agents and Nemesis automatons I'd imagine that the branches of the F.B.S.A would have constant checks going on between the branches.

Just my 2p however, and try not to wreck too much of Dark Astoria, I live there :P

That movie very much confused pubescent CeeBee.

Ooo I love the shades!

Do you have a costume screenie Tech?

He sounds pretty damn cool.

Hamster? I reckon it's the BP oil slick, it's gotten into the Internets tubes, and making page requests slide right past the server!

The internet, it never works when you expect it to.

Delivered to those who got the previous advertisement.

Advertisement break!

A calm, homey, trustworthy sounding voice speaks over a black screen.

“We at The Store, trust out products so much, that we are willing to risk our lives to prove how effective our products are.”

The scene opens on a little girl, perhaps recognisable to some as the gang leader, drug dealer and arms merchant Tomb. In costume, but not her normal Deaths head work clothes, this time she was dressed as little red riding hood, something she was clearly unimpressed by.

“Oh woe is me, I have been pursued to this derelict location by an unknown monster.” Her voice was flat, without any real passion and she seemed to be glaring off camera at some one.

The camera panned sideways as it did, the girl could be seen mouthing ‘Red Riding Hood? That’s the best you could come up with you...’ off camera now, her stream of profanities could not be seen, instead the camera was now on a large cage. Inside the cage a large furry shape slumbered, vaguely its colouration could be seen, resembling that of a timber wolf.

“Indeed little Red Riding Hood, had been pursued by the big bad wolf, but luckily she had purchased from The Stores wide range of protective devices” the narrator told the viewer.

“Surely I am in trouble, the beast draws near, seeking to devour my tender, innocent flesh, but wait I have a Croak-a-ball.” Tomb obviously was not being paid for her acting skills.

There was roar from off screen, the beast was standing like a man trying to rip its way through the cage, the reason why it was roaring became apparent, a man dressed all in black, barely showing up on the camera, was goading the beast, poking and shocking it with a cattle prod. The camera moved away, as the bars groaned and buckled, the man in black managed to dodge away as the creature turned, baleful yellow eyes falling on the girl in red.

Tomb merely smiled at the were-wolf, giving a mocking little curtsy and playful little skip.

“My what big teeth you have” her voice was filled with malice.

The creature pulled itself free of the wreckage that had once caged it, as it did so Tomb threw a silver coloured ball underarm towards the beast, the ball stopped and with a whirr and a crunch, it seemed to vanish. The creature prowled towards the girl, low its eyes narrowed and flecks of spittle forming on its maw as it growled low, it gave a triumphant howl, leaping forward...

Tomb stepped back to avoid the shower of blood and chunks, the camera turned changing angle to reveal matted bits of fur and spider web like series of wires, dripping with warm blood.

“The Croak-a-ball, a deployable Impervium razor wire mesh, coated with a silver dust. Near invisible, near indestructible and atomically sharp. The Croak-a-ball is just one of the many fine products available at The Store.” As the narrator talks, contact details appear on the screen for The Store’s international purchasing scheme.

An advertisement sent to those people on the list, that have a contactable email or residential address.

Worried about things that go bump in the night?

Do you fear that something wicked this way comes?

The Store offers you a great way to sleep safe, ease your worries about being beheaded and eviscerated. For the limited time only, special offer price of just $3000 per annum, the Store offers our special ‘Creep-Be-Gone’ service.

The benefits are immense, the store will provide you with specially designed, anti-monster fox holes and hideaways, we will modify your current place of residence, into a deadly undeath trap, that would send even the most vicious vampire, or wrathful werewolf running home, crying like little ghouls.

Should the worst happen, while you are still under our ‘Creep-be-gone” cover, your fee will be repaid to your next of kin.

Don’t be a loser.

Keep ahead of the monsters.

Purchase “Creep-be-gone” cover today!

Good news everyone, we are closing the servers, you all get nothing.

Hmm, since I'm receiving less of a service than the US Game, can I have my monthly fee reduced please?

Well the game install should be about 4GB, and a single layer DVD should be 4.5GB, so you could burn your install folder to disc and then copy from the disc, next time you need to install the game.

Dunno if GR will pump the install higher than 4.5GB though

Tomb page updated.

Retcon page work begun.

Somewhere in St Martial.

The child put down the saw, walking from the green tiled room with a squelch, rubber boots slipping just slightly with each step. She paused by the door, punching a code in with rubber gloved covered fingers.

On the other side of the door, she paused, tossing her apron into a wash basket with a disgustingly wet slap. A few more slippery steps took her to a different room, as she entered a deep voice spoke.

“Boss?” the voice questioned.

The voice belonged to a large dark skinned man, his muscle mass was clearly not natural either the result of mutation, or the result of overuse of steroids.

“Well now we know, why a friendly local school teacher comes to us for ‘personal protection devices’” the girl air quoted before reaching to one side, taking a cigarette off of one the men in the room.

Officially The Store ran on a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy, selling drugs, weapons and even human lives to those with enough money to afford them. While they never asked questions of their customers, poor unfortunates who happened to be caught snooping around? Well to them The Store’s questions could be quite... pointed.

“Our Teachers a vampire hunter.” She said after a long drag.

One of the men, bald headed and wearing a long leather jacket, fist bumped another, similarly dressed.

“You owe me twenty dollars bro” he joked

The girl nodded at a man, who was half leant against the wall, his attention focused on a lighter in his hand, clink click, clink click, clink click, over and over again he flicked the lighter open and shut.

“Faust do be a dear, and dispose of the rest of our friend in there, it would be absolutely dreadful if he managed to regenerate.” She ordered in the voice of a cherub.

“So why was he snooping around here?” the large man asked

“Turns out the blood suckers and other ghoulies, have decided to hunt the hunters.” She summed up the answers, their guest had eventually given.

“Whose side are we on?” the big man asked leaning forward.

The girl closed her eyes, when she opened them again a few minutes later, she’d come to a decision.

“We stand with humanity, it makes more sense financially, besides vampire blood has all sorts of commercial uses, so if we can snag a couple of the ticks for our own experiments... well won’t that just be splendid?” she started heading to the door.

“Boss you might want to...” the large man trailed off

The girl looked over herself.

“Ahh yes, appearance is everything after all, a shower and then business I believe.” With a turn she left the room, a trail of bloody footprints marking her passage.

Leaflets passed out around the city by members of "The church of the Dark Lady."

Seven Evils Lurk Among Us.
Have you noticed love ones or neighbours acting differently?
Perhaps you’ve noticed a difference in your work colleagues, are others around them, acting strange too?
If you notice strange changes in others, please contact us at ‘The Church of the Dark Lady’
Salvation can be yours!
(Phone number, address and email address are on the bottom of the pamphlet.)

I wonder if there is any point in keeping my account active, I mean it's looking increasingly likely they are just going to shut up shop in Europe, while flipping us the figurative bird.

After the events of 13/05/2010

Red Crystal now has the added classification Ira

Yellow Crystal acquired by heroes responding to events at Sweet Island, Kings Row Factory.

Yellow Crystal has the added classification Gula


Souvenir

Touching the crystal, would make those susceptible to magic or psychic power, become increasingly overwhelmed with an insatiable greed, for food and drink. This affect is caused by the act of touching or holding the crystal, even through power armour or gloves, however the affect isn’t triggered if the crystal is contained within something, say a bag or other container.

M.A.G.I reports would soon indicate that it is indeed, like the red crystal found during the incident at The New Paragon Bank, 82 Witherstreet, Galaxy City on the 05/03/2010.

However where as the red crystal is a focus point of Rage or Fury, this one is a focus point of hunger and thirst, again the crystal is two inches long and a half inch thick, someone with knowledge of how to cut gem stones, would notice that it appears to have been cut, all the way down one side, as if the crystal had once been half of a bigger gem stone.


Arc I.D 406777

Arc will remain until next mission occurs.