Official PPD Job Descriptions

Lifted... er... received from the offices of the Paragon Police Department; the official Job Title and Duty Descriptions of various positions within the PPD.

~ Financial District Emergency Response Member

Description: Officer is responsible for responding to incursions by criminal forces against the fiduciary establishments of Paragon City. Such response to include visual guard positions in a staggered pattern about the bank in question. Officer is expected to stop incursion with any reasonable force necessary.

Translation: Sap needed to provide experience and badge ticks to incoming Mayhem villains. On the Rogue Isles these cops are sometimes referred to as "Speed Bumps" or "Half-Minute Men."

~ Incarceration and Detention Management Personnel

Description: Maintain order and proper security at the Ziggursky Penitentiary. Guards are responsible for establishing a secure and orderly environment for the prisoners while ensuring the safety of Paragon Citizens by securing said prisoners within the facility. Alertness and attention to detail are key for this position.

Translation: Guards are expected to provide a "Stress-Relief" function for escaping prisoners. These prisoners are very high strung and will likely take out their frustrations on helpless citizens when the outer walls are breached if they are unable to vent their spleen on prison guards prior to exit. In the event of stuck or impassible doors, the guard is expected aid prisoners by assuming the role of battering ram.

~ Plain Clothes Detective and Undercover Agent

Description: Officer is expected to forgo active and/or visible support of the Department in favor of appearing unassociated with the Police Force. These undercover officers are then expected to infiltrate criminal organizations or witness criminal activities without arousing suspicion as to his/her real identity.

Translation: "Plain Clothes" is to be defined as "Loudest shirt humanly possible." While performing his Undercover duties, officer is expected to blithely ignore the fact that the words "PPD Undercover Cop" are constantly hovering over his head. Pray for illiterate bad guys.

~ Hard Shell Support and Maintenance Crew

Description: The officers in this detail shall be charged with the cleaning, care and upkeep of the Hardshell Uniforms while their officer/operator is off-duty. Such care and cleaning includes re-fueling, polishing, battery upkeep/replacement and emptying of Full-Duty-Enabling Resevoirs.

Translation: Sounds great until you realize that "Full-Duty-Enabling Resevoirs" are the waste disposal tanks that enable the officers to work an entire shift without having to take off their armor to visit the "little hardshell's room."

~ Hero and Police Force Communication Liason

Description: Officer is in charge of alerting Heroes to the appropriate contact within the PPD they should report to in case of emergency or for current criminal activities within the city zone. This position requires the officer to be pro-active; keeping up with any new hero to their assigned city zone. Letting such heroes know who they should contact is of top priority.

Translation: This is the little punk who clears out your contact, mission or whatever else you had in your nav bar when you enter a zone for the first time. So, yeah, if you've ever been half way across a zone before you realized you were headed to some detective you didn't want to see rather than the mission you wanted... this is the guy to blame.

~ Police Band Monitoring and Reporting Communications Specialist

Description: Receive incoming reports of crimes being committed within the assigned city zone and relay them over the police band so appropriate units can respond to them. Officer must have a clear speaking voice and observe radio etiquette and obey FCC guidelines at all times. Secondary responsibilities include the inventory and disbursement of police radios to officers as well as extra units being made available to interested heroes.

Translation: The unsung heroes of the PPD. Because of these guys no cop has had to respond to a real crime in over 5 years.

~ Hazard Zone Detainment and Security Force Specialist

Description: Officer will provide a constant presence and security at the entrances of various high-risk areas such as Boomtown, Crey's Folly or Dark Astoria. Officers shall prevent any hero or civillian of inappropriate security clearance from entering the assigned gate. This is an important task of high responsibility in keeping our citizens safe and healthy.

Translation: Basically... don't fall asleep on the job.. and considering how often heroes enter these hazard zones... this task is more difficult than it sounds.

~ Ziggursky Penitentiary Warden and General Manager

Description: Overall management and administration of the Ziggursky Penal Colony is this position's primary responsibility. Warden shall set duty rosters, approve inventory and supply and supervise guarding and potential disobedience response over the prisoners. Warden is required to sign an affidavit assuming all responsibility for the welfare and secure imprisonment of all those incarcerated within the Ziggursky walls. Warden is the primary figurehead for all public relations regarding the Ziggursky prison.

Translation: Scapegoat.

Omg! Thank you, Steelclaw!