Rp Story (Mellissandria): How it all began...

(been wanting to write this for sometime, and finally posting this. I think this is the first time I've posted one of my stories here in this forum though. Hope you guys don't mind.)

The dark haired woman ran, clutching her backpack, dodging Rikti ray guns and bombs, dodging panicking people and the odd hero who would attempt to 'rescue' her.

"I know what *I*'m doing, you spandex covered idiot!" she yelled in a decidedly English accent. With that, she dodged the latest one, a rather generic type. "Get off me!" she yelled as he grabbed her.

He yelled next, as she gave him a swift kick in the leg. "What part of 'Get off me" do you NOT understand??" With that, she dropped into a manhole.

"Only one hour here in this nut ward of a planet!", she ranted to the dark as she jogged to the next opening. "I'm more than ready to get out of here...Who created this place anyway? Stan Lee??? This is worse than that universe that had the sentient white horses...!" She continued on in this vein for some minutes til she finally got to her 'stop'. "Well, that bloke on the last world was rather cute. Probably should have stayed there..."

She went up the ladder, hearing the sounds of battle as she poked her head out. "Now..where is my ship...?" she muttered as she crawled out..making sure no more well meaning spandex types were around to "rescue" her.

Readjusting her leather trench coat (about 200 pounds in one of the many versions of 20th century London she'd visited), she ran towards the old junkyard, climbing over the chain fence. The sounds of battle seemed to be dying down, mercifully..."And soon I'll be...." She fell silent as she looked at the line of what appeared to be little coil driven robots, all with keys in the back of them...heading in and out of her dimensional hopper...like ants swarming over a.....

She gave a shreak, not of fear, but of anger, as she grabbed a wood 2 by 4 and proceeded to pommel her way through the cogs, kicking and stomping and whamming at the tiny mecha, some of which were carrying off parts of the ship...

"Get off!" she yowled, causing the Clockwork cogs to drop whatever they were carrying and scurry around like metallic roaches...as she swung and kicked at them. "That's my ship, you rodents! Give me that dimensional stablizer!" She took the aforementioned part from a group of the miniature robots. "And that! And how did you get that out of the control panel?"

And so the battle for ownership of the dimensional hopper she called The Courtesan's Shadow began...and ended only when the sky above suddenly clouded up and started to rain...

This caused the diminutive cogs to scatter to parts unknown, carrying with them bits and pieces of the woman's ship.

She sighed as her hair and clothing got wet. "Great! It's going to take me weeks, if not years to get all that back! And where am I going to stay?" She suddenly looked at the color of the water droplets.."Pink?"

"Um.." said a tiny voice.."you could stay with us."

She turned to face the owner of the voice..a tiny red haired girl wearing what looked to be a simple red vest and black shorts and boots. Her companion was an anthropomorphic blonde haired panda girl wearing jeans and a T-shirt that proclaimed "Paragon City is for Heroic Lovers!"

"We,"said the panda girl,"would be pleased to have you stay with us in our apartment-abode."

The redhaired girl (who couldn't be a day over 12) nodded.."Yeah, we're in training to be heroes...Well, Pandrea is anyway. I'm more an inventor..support type..I'm Meg, by the way." She extended her hand towards the woman.."but I operate as Kami Megami while in training."

"I am Pandrea, and I am be pleased to meet you." The panda girl also extended a delicate (although furry) hand.

Mellie wanted to glare at the two..."You don't look like some of the spandex loons running around here..." She finally had to smile at their earnest expressions..."Evidently, they were off the clock, so to speak.

"All right." She thought for a moment. "I'm Mellissandria- " She hesitated a moment, as she debated giving them the full version of her name..then..

"I'm Mellissandria Restal," she said finally, "but you can call me..Mellie."

(based and inspired by roleplay on Virtue server. The character of Pandrea belongs to her player, and Mellissandria and Meg are mine. This could also be construed as a parody of sorts, as well, of certain genres.)

(The hero trying to save Mellie in the beginning was a generic type and not meant to be a reference to anyone in particular. Just so you all know.=)

I agree with Dumpleberry, Mondo. If you can't be constructive, etc., etc.

DC; good start! Very quick and action packed. Keep working at it. It's not very often we see Fanfic anymore (and hey, I'm willing to be corrected here), but I think Soaring Valor and the occasional contribution I toss out are about the only fanfic stories that show up on this particular server forum.

My main piece of advice is when you write something, let it sit for a day or two then go back to it. Read it aloud and see if it makes sense to you and make corrections. :-) (Psst, also check spelling)

Keep it up!

Yeah, I have a problem with getting over enthused when I write a new story. Often it goes thru a couple of revisions, even after it's officially 'written'.

Once..I even wrote a story for a forum...and then removed the 'frame' story because it didn't make sense, even to me.

I'll try the 'let it sit around for a day or so' method, and the "wait til I have more coffee in my system" method. Thanks for the feedback, Pirateseahawk, Fomsie and Dumpleberry. And I will put a corrected and more polished version as soon as it's done, here and in my DA.

And I think it's a fine start, DC. The only way a writer can get better is to write. I'm not that good of a writer, myself, but I think I'm better now than I was when I posted my first story about a man trapped in a robotic body.

Keep writing. You will only get better. I gave this same advice to another forum writer a couple of years ago, and he now he is a professional, writing content for computer games. Keep writing. You will only get better.

Don't know what bug was up their butt but I actually quite enjoyed this!

Ok, true.. It is not a full blow, fleshed out, comprehensive story but it's a very good snippet for introducing the main character and getting the reader interested in her. And I love the scene of her batting away at the clockwork pests who are tearing apart her ship, I could totally envision that scene in my head and it is quite amusing!

As for the original responder, you shouldn't give them a second thought. Some people enjoy pissing on other peoples parades since that is all they have to offer... Anyway, if you continue this please give me a heads up as I almost never descend into this part of the forums but don't want to miss future installments!

I actually liked it. Good job!

Its fun. At least its fast, and to the point. It feels as though we could use more details of the characters at play, though. At least to me. *le shrug*

There will be more detailing of the others in the cast..eventually

Art by http://the-last-avatar.deviantart.com/

LOL, I love it! Now I have to put that story up on Virtueverse!