Challenging the Conventional Wisdom on Steamy Mist/Arctic Fog/Shadow Fall
It's been quite a while since I looked at any of the guides, but I remember things the way the OP describes. Everyone was saying the defense was too small to bother with so slot for resistance. I rejected that thinking a long time ago though. I slot for defense primarily, with a little +res slotting if I can squeeze it in.
One thing worth noting is that the radius on the stealth powers being discussed isn't huge. It's significantly less than something like Maneuvers. If everyone fights in a huddle that's great, everyone gets the benefit, but in my experience that's rare. That's why I slot however I will benefit the most personally. Anyone who happens to be close enough to be affected by it is getting a bonus.
OP,
I slot for both when I can. Otherwise, if I'm going for a build that focuses on defense, I lean to defense. Otherwise, I focus on resists. That seems to be conventional wisdom as well. So, I'm not sure why conventional wisdom is wrong.
Lewis
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I always slot mine with a steadfast KB protection, Steadfast +3 defense
then 3 franken-slots to max defense and end reduction, maybe work on a cheap set
Later game if its a Alt that I may play more then it will be 3 LOTG with the +recharge
If I have plenty of slots at any point then I will 6 slot it with a res/end Io
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I'm not sure it was ever the "conventional wisdom" that all of those powers should be slotted for resistance. If it is, it was probably a rule of thumb for Dark/Dark that got out of hand. That combination can cap its defense with just Darkest Night and a few attacks, so it makes sense to slot Shadow Fall for resistance instead.
Other combinations don't necessarily have the same luxury. If you're a few percentage points away from the cap after all other available -acc and +def bonuses are taken into account, I agree it makes more sense to use Shadow Fall or Steamy Mist to put you over the top than to try for a few extra points of resistance.
Also, Shadow Fall offers psionic resistance if I'm not mistaken, which is fairly rare in the game. If you're teaming with an Invuln tank or something, he might be more glad for the extra psi resists than for any extra defense you can give him.