You scratch my back...
You only have one arc?
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
At the moment, but I've just finished another one this evening. I just have to write up a souvenir for the whole thing. I estimate that it'll be up by tomorrow evening.
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
I'll play and review both if you do the same for two of my choice. I have a review thread lil' farther down the page.
Let me know.
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
I really enjoyed your arc. It had a nice story that kept me wanting to play.
I love how you mixed up the maps and tasks and I was never bored! I played it on a level 10 with the easiest difficulty setting. For me your difficulty level was perfect. At a few points a small challenge, but easy enough for me to enjoy your story.
I found one typo (I think). In the mission 2 NPC intro: Should be "this bank comes with a twist" instead of "this bank come with a twist". Other than that I didn't notice any errors.
So bottom line is a really fun arc which I would definitely recommend. It is especially good since I was able to level my lowbie and have fun at the same time.
In return I would like you to play my arc: In Pursuit of Liberty - Arc ID 221702
It is a light-hearted arc that is intended to be fun. I attempted to create a small mystery where the player participates to help a heroine find her destiny. The NPC will not tell you everything and that is by intent. It will auto level you to 45. I recommend play on lowest setting on someone with a travel power. Level 50 works but actually 46 and below gives you a better variety of opponents.
I hope you enjoy mine. I really enjoyed yours
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
Thanks for the feedback!
I'm a bit busy today, but I'll be able to review yours this evening. Here's my little review list.
Arc ID: 221702 - The Pursuit of Liberty (ArrowRose) [Completed]
Arc ID: 96322 - The Tannhäuser Gate (Aisynia) [Completed]
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
Arc ID: 221702 - The Pursuit of Liberty (ArrowRose)
Rating: 4/5
The good: Custom group design, Overall story.
The bad: Minor text quirks, over-use of the word "Liberty". =P
Full review
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I can tell you worked really hard on this arc. The quality was excellent and the plot was well thought out.
So I start the first mission, and this is where I find my first minor gripe. Ms. Liberty tells you that the fate of the world depends on you saving a little girl named "Liberty Rose". She then proceeds to say "Why am I here asking for your help? Could it be I like the girl's name? Or her outfit? I can't say." Um, maybe it's because you just told me that the fate of the world depends on it. So, I would probably edit the mission intro to something a little different.
Anyways, I entered the mission, and started beating up bad guys looking for this girl. I eventually come across a captive. "Holy Catgirls, Batman!" yup, there are catgirls in this arc. Anyways, I save the catgi-- I mean... captive, from the custom group of the arc, the "Anti Liberty League", an evil organization put together from people with sad childhoods who are then trained to an extreme level. So, I save the girl, defeat the boss, and get the clue. So far, the arc looks promising, so I keep going.
The second level has you rescuing the same girl from the last mission, only this time, she's in a cave. The Anti Liberty League is the main enemy here. It's in this mission I come across my second minor gripe. This arc uses the word "Liberty" waaaaay too much. It got to the point where I was cringing every time I saw the word! But enough of that, I fight through the anti liberty guys, save the girl, and find the treasure chest.
The third mission sends me to a mysterious garden to save the Liberty Rose yet again. She's awfully good at getting captured, I'll give her that. So, the mission objectives are to find a journal, save Rose, and defeat the boss, a villain called "Fern Fatale" or something like that. The main enemy here is a custom group comprised of Rularuu wisps, and various Devouring Earth baddies. I complete the mission, and save Rose again.
The next mission takes you to a possible future where the Anti Liberty League have destroyed the world. Now, I absolutely love the destroyed atlas park map. I don't know why, but it's amazing, so you get extra points for that. The enemies are a group called the "Dark Alliance" which is comprised of Rularuu brutes and natterlings, praetorian robots, and the 5th Column. The objective is to find two magic swords, and save statesman who was captured trying to find the swords himself. Somehow, I manage to succeed where the mighty statesman failed, so I must be significantly more powerful than him. The anti liberty league says they used magic runes to capture him, but I think states is just a big pushover. =P
So, I find the swords, and go on to the next mission. Now, I have to save the world from the evil villain named "MAL" and save Rose yet again. This is my last complaint about the arc, the optional hostages. One of them is just some girl that you've never met before, has no back story or any explanation for her arrival. She just appears and starts fighting things. Also, the lost dialog for these allies is weird. When lost, they say "Come back. I rock!" or "Come back. I kick hard!" which doesn't exactly make me want to save them. But, I do anyways, I go beat up MAL and I save the world. Yay! Mission accomplished!
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Closing Statements: Overall, this arc was great. The plot was intriguing and the custom groups were very fitting. I like that you actually took the time to fill out individual descriptions for every minion, lieutenant and boss, and their costume design was very well done. My suggestion to make it better would be to go back and correct some minor text quirks like the ones mentioned above, and maybe give a back story to that random ally in the last mission. Also, the way you implemented catgirls into the arc made me chuckle. =P
Great work! I'll definitely play it again some time!
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
I'm running your arc first thing tomorrow by the way (weekends are not easy for me to run arcs).
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review my arc. I am glad you enjoyed it.
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
In the first mission I'd probably make a reference to it being the local skulls as opposed to just the skulls in general, but that's just me being a little nit-picky I think.
In the second mission, if the title of the bank is 'First National Bank of Arachnos' the whole thing should be capitilized. It still seems odd that Arachnos would outsource the security to their official bank to plain old security guards.
Swiss-Knife Sam seems an odd name for a demolitions expert.
In the fourth mission briefing the phrase, "time to make our terror felt in Paragon City," reads a little oddly to me for some reason. As a side note, I was 28 when I did this mission ... I really hate PPD Equalizers and Ghosts ... so much.
Nothing odd really struck me about the fifth mission.
Overall it's not a bad little arc you've got going. The text could stand to get another editing pass or so though I think. Some sentences seem a little cumbersome, and the paragraphs could stand to be broken up a little. Mostly it's readability issues more than anything else.
Bottom line is I played it and had fun. It was a nice light arc and nothing stood out to me as a problem beyond me delving into nit-pickyness.
Anyhoo. If you want to give it a whirl I'd appreaciate it if you'd try out my arc Something Comes to Yarmouth. It's #58812.
MA Arcs: Yarmouth 1509 and 58812
In the first mission I'd probably make a reference to it being the local skulls as opposed to just the skulls in general, but that's just me being a little nit-picky I think.
|
In the second mission, if the title of the bank is 'First National Bank of Arachnos' the whole thing should be capitilized. It still seems odd that Arachnos would outsource the security to their official bank to plain old security guards.
|
I guess so, but since I can't think of a better one, I guess it stays. lol
I'm sure the feeling's mutual. xD
Overall it's not a bad little arc you've got going. The text could stand to get another editing pass or so though I think. Some sentences seem a little cumbersome, and the paragraphs could stand to be broken up a little. Mostly it's readability issues more than anything else.
Bottom line is I played it and had fun. It was a nice light arc and nothing stood out to me as a problem beyond me delving into nit-pickyness. |
Sure thing!
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
Review posted over in my thread
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
Arc ID: 96322 - The Tannhäuser Gate (Aisynia)
Rating: 4.5/5
The good: Great story, map choices, custom characters.
The bad: Too many clues, no custom descriptions. (Explained in detail below)
Full review (Slight Spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk)
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Wow, where do I begin with this one? This arc is most likely one of the best I've seen in a while! The story is amazing, and it uses maps I didn't even know existed! Anyways, onto the full review.
I start the arc, and I talk to the contact. She tells me that there's some invisible tower on the edge of Paragon City, and it's looming with dark energies. For the sake of this review, I'm going to be brief with the missions, because the story is actually much longer, and would end up making this review way too long.
So, the contact is telling me that I have to investigate this tower and find out what's going on. Who am I to deny her? I enter the mission and right in front of me stands the mission boss, some Ashrah'kah something-or-other. The design of this guy really inspires a sense of fear. He looks like a demon that the Devil himself couldn't contain! But, problem is, he's too easy. Now, this may be due to the fact that I'm playing my DB/EA stalker, and my high energy defense negates his all-energy attacks, but he goes down pretty quickly.
Now, the main enemy of this mission is a custom group of super-natural baddies all gathered together into this tower. This includes CoT ghosts, DE monsters, BP zombies, and even Black Swan's shadow minions. The only problem I have with this group is that all of their descriptions are the default ones. I'm pretty sure you can change this, as I made a custom group comprised of council minions, and I had to edit each of their descriptions to fit the story. So, my first suggestion would be to possibly make new descriptions for these guys. I know it would take a long time, but it would enhance the already amazing story even further!
The objective here is to find clues to the disappearance of someone called "Reen." You also have to destroy 4 pillars in order to establish a connection to your contact from inside the tower. The pillars are also without descriptions, and the default one is simply "This obelisk must be destroyed!" which I think could be changed to something more in-depth.
Alrgiht, 3 paragraphs on the first mission, lets wrap this one up. I find a clue to the girls disappearance, and I destroy the pillars. Mission accomplished, I exit the map. Or do I?
Upon returning to the contact, it turns out you haven't really left the tower, your destruction of the pillars simply allowed you to establish a connection to your contact, and you're communicating telepathically, so to speak. The contact tells you whats going on and then informs you that you must travel farther up the tower to find Reen. The game explains it way better than I can, but I'm just simplifying it for this review.
So I'm sent to the 100th floor of a 300 floor tower. Too bad MA doesn't allow for 300-mission story arcs. =P This floor also happens to be a library, so I also have to search for clues as to whats going on in the tower. This is my second complaint. I know that this story requires good explanations, but there are just way too many clues in this story. Every glowie you click, object you destroy and boss you fight gives you a clue. Even finishing the mission gives you a clue. I had about 20 clues by the last mission, but thankfully, the author arranged them in an easy-to-read way, even labeling which mission they're from. If possible, I would try and reduce the number of clues. Perhaps combine two clues into one, for simplicity's sake.
Moving on, I find the clues, and defeat the boss. I also learn of the leader of this tower, a knight named "Tannhäuser" who fell in love with a goddess and was cursed to compensate. Again, I'm a little vague on details, you really should play the mission to get a better understanding. Completing the mission, you learn that while Reen isn't there, she managed to escape.
The third mission takes me to a place called the "Hall of Echoes" where memories and dreams wander freely and become real. Here you have to find fragments of Tannhäuser's memory, and see if Reen in there. Well, turns out Reen is there, but only partially. Something about her being a memory or what-not. So, you find Reen, and now you have to find Tannhäuser's memorys. That means rescuing Tannhäuser four times, which is kind of weird, but at least the map was small. I find Tannhäuser, and complete the mission, while also learning about a horrible ritual in the process.
I return to the contact, who tells me that the ritual I learned about could destroy Paragon City, and by the time I reached the ritual site, it would be too late. To buy us some time, the contact sends me to the middle of the tower to destroy a sub-altar, to disrupt the ritual for a limited time. While exploring the fourth mission, you eventually find the real Reen, and she helps you complete the mission. I find the altar and destroy it, mission accomplished, right? Wrong. Turns out that Tannhäuser himself is there, and he's ready to fight. Tannhäuser is an Elite Boss with a Broadsword and a Shield, and he puts up a tough fight. Fortunately, I manage to defeat him before I meet my own end, but he teleports away before I could kill him.
The final mission takes me to a breath-taking map that looks truly amazing, and really gets a good feel for this mission. My objective is to defeat Tannhäuser once and for all, and prevent him from destroying the city with his evil ritual. So I did. There was a bug which got Reen stuck on a CoT crystal, preventing her from helping me, but I was warned before-hand by the author that this could happen, so no biggie. I defeat the boss and rescue the hostages. Congratulations! You just saved the world!
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Closing Statements: Overall, this is an amazing story, very well written and I could tell the author put a lot of work into making it. My only complaints are the huge amount of clues, and the lack of descriptions for most of the enemies and objects. Another minor gripe was the Overseer lieutenants in the final mission. Since I was playing a stalker, I was constantly peeking around corners and thoroughly scanning the area to make sure I didn't end up running into them. I know my description of the story isn't very good, but you just have to experience the arc for yourself in order to really appreciate the story. Other than that, this was a very good arc that I enjoyed immensely, and will definitely play again!
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
Originally Posted by Smash_Zone
*snip*
|
Closing Statements: Overall, this is an amazing story, very well written and I could tell the author put a lot of work into making it. |
My only complaints are the huge amount of clues, |
and the lack of descriptions for most of the enemies and objects. |
I know my description of the story isn't very good, but you just have to experience the arc for yourself in order to really appreciate the story. Other than that, this was a very good arc that I enjoyed immensely, and will definitely play again! |
I am glad you enjoyed yourself
EDIT: Oh and for the Custom demon like entity, he used to be MUCH, MUCH harder. I brought him down from EB to Boss cause he was beating the hell out of people, and if he spawns too close to the front... yeah, so I decided to downgrade him.
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
I added a spoiler warning at the top of the review, and will do so for future reviews.
Also, due to my huge problem of procrastination, I haven't put up my second arc yet. I decided to try my hand at custom groups, and I'm trying to put together a simple one-mission story involving said group. So now I have two arcs in the workshop. They are:
The Center of Havoc: What starts as a simple mission turns into a full-fledged investigation, which then turns into a dire situation. This is my five-mission story that I have yet to write a souvenir for.
It's a Critical Hit!: A new group of mercenaries have arrived, and they have a diabolical plot in mind. Just a short one-mission story involving a custom group I'm making.
I'll post them here when they are finished.
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
Can't wait to see
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
By the way, that bug I mentioned? It could make mission 3 impossible to complete. I fixed that by changing the objective type, but if that bug gets fixed, I'd like to change it back.
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
It was a small map when I played it, so there weren't any crystals in my way. You should find a small map that's easy to maneuver around until the bug is fixed.
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
That is literally the tiniest CoT map there is by leaps and bounds. Crystals spawn on it sometimes, and other times they don't. I decided to just err on the side of caution and made him a release instead of an escort. The story shouldn't suffer for it.
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
Aight, just a little update here.
I apologize for taking so long to review your arc, Oliin. Things have been a bit hectic for me, and I've also been preoccupied with the Halloween event. I finished half of your arc today, and I should have a review either today or tomorrow when I finish the rest.
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
Whew, man. Sorry for taking so long, but between my horrible procrastination and the new Halloween event I just put it off to get the new Halloween goodies. Anyways, onto the review.
Arc ID: 58812 - Something comes to Yarmouth (Oliin)
Rating: 4/5
The good: Story, character design, mission setup.
The bad: Grammar errors, minor difficulty. (Explained in detail below.)
Full review (Slight Spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk)
---------------------
Okay, so lets get started, shall we? I start the mission, and the contact begins to explain that his city is in danger. The phone lines have been cut off, and there's a Longbow blockade surrounding the city, preventing him from investigating himself. This is where you come in, as the contact wants you to get past the blockade and investigate the situation. And so the first mission begins.
As you enter the mission, you realize that the Coralax have overrun the place, and Longbow is under attack. There are a few Longbow battles scattered across the map, and the objective is to rescue on of their soldiers. After rescuing the captive longbow soldier, she tells you that they've got the Lieutenant captured as well. This become your new objective, and you go to save the captive. Upon rescue, he tells you that there's a huge Coral monster leading the Coralax in this section, and the next objective is to defeat it. Sure enough, I find the big Coral thing, and break him into pieces. Mission accomplished.
Returning to the contact, he tells me that his cousin, Titus, has been captured by the Coralax, and he needs you to go find him. The map is a big outdoor city, and the objective is to look for clues to his cousin whereabouts. I look around the map, clicking glowies and saving random citizens until I finally find a clue. I search around some more for Titus, and soon enough I find him being held by Coralax. I defeat the surrounding enemies, and titus tells me what happened, about the kidnappings and everything. I return to my contact to give him the information.
After conversing with Titus again, you learn that one of Titus' neighbors has been captured also, and you need to go rescue her. So I enter the map and begin looking for the hostage. I eventually find her, and she tells me that she was captured not by Coralax, but by a Police Officer! After escorting her to the exit, she tells me that the Officer is still nearby, and I have to go defeat him. The Officer is a custom boss with a Policeman's uniform, plus Psychic and Invulnerability powers. He proves a tough fight, but eventually goes down. With the mission completed, I return to my contact again, only to learn some bad news.
Upon completeing the mission, the contact tells me that Titus was under the control of the Coralax the whole time, and has infected a number of citizens with the strange coral! The next mission has you going to look for Titus, and see if you can stop him. This mission is where I find my first gripe, the custom group. They've got excellent design, and the minions aren't too tough, but the Lieutenants are a whole different animal. I spent minutes trying to defeat one Lieutenant, and I got killed while trying. I notice that they're running Rise to the Challenge and other willpower abilities, which makes them extremely hard to take down. Now, I know this isn't really your fault, it's the custom group creator's habit of overpowering critters, but I would still go back and change around some of the powers to perhaps make them a tad bit easier. Of course, this is probably just me, but I digress. I find Titus eventually, and unfortunately I have to knock some sense into him. Fine by me! I manage to take down Titus, but not before he tells me his master plan.
Onto the last mission, I have to defeat the Coralax leader, and destroy the source of the strange Coral to prevent further mutations. After some amusing captive dialog and some tough battles, I reach the final boss. I'm not going to reveal who they are here, because that would ruin the story. Instead, I'm just going to skip to the end where I beat him and save the day. I tear down the pillar of Coral, and save the city of Yarmouth!
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Closing Statements Overall, I enjoyed this arc. The story is well written, and there are some funny moments in there, I especially liked the captive dialog in the last mission. The only problems I noticed were some grammar errors scattered here and there, and the difficulty of the Lieutenants of the custom group. but other than that, I fully recommend this arc to anyone, I'm sure you'll have fun with it.
Again, I apologize for taking so long. I try to do these as fast as I can, but sometimes things just hold me up.
Also, Aisynia, I've begun editing my arc "Becoming a Villain" some, and I'll let you know when it's finished. If you could try it again some other time when it's done, that would be great!
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
Sorry for triple-posting here, but I've come to say that I've finished a new Arc! Information is as follows:
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Arc ID: 341280 - The Center of Havoc.
Since the re-emergence of the 5th Column, fighting has broken out on the streets of Paragon and the Rogue Isles. While most of it can be contained, certain fights are exploding into full-fledged wars! It's time for you to enter the battle, and stop these violent outbreaks.
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You can review either of my arcs "Becoming a Villain" or "The Center of Havoc" for me, and in turn I'll review yours. Read the rules at the beginning if you want me to review yours.
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
Lookie here, a shameless bump! Wait, no it's not!
Yes, I'm still alive, and I feel it necessary to begin reviewing arcs again. I have one on my list that I will write tomorrow, and hopefully I can get some more people to sign up.
Also, I've finished a re-edited version of my original arc, Becoming a Villain. I changed a lot of dialog, added extra clues and objectives, and re-did the final mission entirely. The story is the same, but the mechanics have been changed. Here's a summary of the changes:
Universal Changes:
- Set all missions to be at a fixed level range from levels 5-20.
- Contact dialog has been altered/re-done for all missions. (Some didn't change much.)
Mission one changes:
- Enemy group changed from Skulls to Trolls to be consistent with level range
- Added custom boss at the end for flavor =P
Mission two has received no changes.
Mission three changes:
-Added a clue at the beginning to help tell the story better
Mission four changes:
- Added Sam as a hostage to be rescued
- Added a collection objective that appears once Sam is rescued
- Added extra clues to tell the story better
Mission five changes:
- Mission five has been almost entirely redone and is more difficult as a result
- Map changed from Atlas Park to Warehouse map
- Enemy group changed from Longbow to a custom group comprised of Longbow, Wyvern, and PPD enemies
- Added three new boss objectives to be completed
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So, yeah, read the rules on the front page, and come get your arc reviewed! Next review is coming soon!
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?
and I'll scratch yours. Simply put, play my arc and I'll play yours. Here are my guidelines:
1) Play my arc first, rate it and comment, please. Tell me what works and what doesn't, and possible ways I can fix it. After doing so, you may post 1 arc of yours for me to review.
2) I will only accept 5 arcs at a time. I will let you know when room becomes available. After playing your arc, I will post my own personal review of it here.
3) Feel free to tell me if you think my arc sucks. I won't judge my opinion of your arc based on your opinion of mine. Constructive criticism is appreciated however, so if you think it sucks, please tell me why it sucks so I can fix it.
I will start reviewing your arc as soon as possible. Keep in mind I am limited by my free time. Between schoolwork, housework and other real life issues, I may not get to your arc immediately. Also, I will post which arcs I have set for review, just so you know I'm not ignoring you. =D
My rating system is a tad bit lenient, due to the sea of not-so-good arcs I come across very often.
5 Stars: Amazing arc, loved every part of it and will definitely play it again!
4 Stars: Very good arc, enjoyed the vast majority of it, but it had some minor quirks. Will most likely play it again.
3 Stars: You get an A for effort, but some things may not have worked out, or some things forgotten.
2 Stars: Needs work. While the story may be good, there are definitely problems with implementation.
1 Star: I rarely give out a single star, but if you get one, then it means you have serious problems.
I will always explain why I give the rating I do, so I won't just give you 1 star and say "I hated it."
If you think this sounds good, all you have to do to get in on the action is play my arc, rate it and comment. It's that easy. After reviewing mine, post yours and I will play it as soon as possible.
Here are my arcs:
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 341280 - The Center of Havoc.
(If you would like me to keep spoilers to a minimum, please tell me before I review your arc. Though I tend to be vague on the details, I might end up spoiling something by accident.)
Arc ID: 348998 - Becoming a villain
Arc ID: 373341 - To Save a Hero
Got Inf?