I like it, I like it alot. As for the Frank Miller style, yeah i think you got that down; in my head it sounded just like the monologuing by Marv in Sin City.
I like the idea aswell, the god emperor, who is it? We don't know (or at least, i don't). This could be a brilliant short story if you write more.
Great work, keep it up.
The 'god emperor' is based on an idea I've been kicking around based on how hard they fight to keep their secret identities in comics and how easy we give up ours at GG/PD.
Idea would of required months of work for a payoff that would of probably got no takers, so it's been moth balled for a bit.
Brawling Cactus from a distant planet.
I have a couple of characters who i wibble around at GG, one has never been asked his identity (hero or otherwise) and so has never had to hide it, but he would. The other is Rufus aka. Next Dimension. People only know his first name, as Next Dimension is his 'designation' not chosen alias. They do not know his true identity (IC that is, people may have read his background and the goings on int he Infinity building).
I'm very interested in your story, so feel free to use any of my characters. If its a 'possible future' story, then hell you could use the now deceased Infinitron.
Whatever you do, keep wrting, it's good.
I felt it was nice. Short stories need to pack more meaning into words to achieve the same as longer stories, and I think you managed it well.
As always, I thoroughly enjoy your writing, whether shorts like this or longer series like the Baron's journals. You do the whole inner monologue thing extremely well, and that's always been a favorite style of mine. Keep on pumping out the good stuff, I'll be here to read it.
((Just a short story to test writing in first person, inspired by Frank Miller's stuff. Comments appreciated))
I feel the blade bite deep, I feel the departure of my last friend, the shattered edge of my sword parts flesh. The god emperor lies dead, the slamming of doors and the roar of approaching guards, draws my attention away from my act. I could give up, let them take me, after all with the emperor dead I no longer had a purpose.
I cover my head with my arms as the window approaches, I've never been one to give up. Glass shatters, it cuts my skin, proof that I'm still alive. He'd managed it so easy, approached us where we gathered, introduced him self as a new hero, listened for years to us talking about our loved ones and the life out side mask and capes. I wonder did he always intend to betray us? Or did something spur him to it. He gained power so easily and we were helpless to stop him, we'd betrayed our own families to him with idle conversation as he wormed his way into our trust.
It was the aliens that he dealt with first, the Quantum collider, you can still taste the difference it's in the food we eat, the very water that makes up our bodies, something on the tip of your tongue that's just different. He blamed it on Arachnos and the evidence was very convincing, global war followed, so many died that it was easy for him to seize power, we'd already told him our weaknesses. People fought for him to protect their loved ones, against him for justice or rage, schemers were out schemed and eventually no one could openly stand against him.
It took me fifty years to find away...
I've been falling for seven seconds before I hit the floor, I roll to absorb some of the impact, but it's more than enough to shock me from my remembrance, a tearing feeling tells me my shoulders dislocated, I rise and start to run, ignore the pain, I learned from the best, tough old cat.
He finished what Recluse had started, a machine to absorb powers, he used it to shut off everyone else's. The only metahuman still around, a god among men.
I ignore the screaming from my shoulder as I reach out for the manhole cover, there will be time for that later, I smell burning flesh and see my fingers whither, they've found me.
Robots, I've hated them as long as I can remember, soulless, lifeless with out remorse or pity what better enforcers for a modern god?
I'm shaky as I get to my feet, too long without my powers, too long and too old. Still momma didn't raise a quitter, I charge them, it seems to be the story of my life, charging head first into trouble.
My first blow strikes true, it's my only blow the other machines open fire and I fall, without powers gun beats sword... everytime.
My pounding heart starts to falter I can feel myself bleeding out, the world fades to a murmur it sounds like voices.... so familiar.
I can feel warmth all around me, my warmth, it's comforting, everything fades away, it's okay it feels like.....
Home.
Brawling Cactus from a distant planet.