Nearly one-hundred views and not a single response?
Come on guys, even a "you suck!" would placate my need for attention. 
[ QUOTE ]
Nearly one-hundred views and not a single response?
Come on guys, even a "you suck!" would placate my need for attention.
[/ QUOTE ]
ok, you suck!
but seriously, i liked it, good work.
I am the Blaster, I have filled the role of Tank, Controller and Defender
Sometimes all at once.
Union EU player! Pip pip, tally ho, top hats and tea etc etc
Good writing. A few clumsy sentences, generally pretty good.
I'd tend to argue about a logical issue: with "Paragon's Hero population either dead, incarcerated or in hiding", I can't see Longbow existing to drop a nuke on the island.
However. Interesting. Terribly bleak. Why is it everyone always goes for the nihilist solution?
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
[ QUOTE ]
Why is it everyone always goes for the nihilist solution?
[/ QUOTE ] Blame Frank Miller?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why is it everyone always goes for the nihilist solution?
[/ QUOTE ] Blame Frank Miller?
[/ QUOTE ]
Him and Alan Moore, though i found Syras view more lovecraft or kafka than Millier or Moore.
Good story btw 
[ QUOTE ]
view more lovecraft
[/ QUOTE ]
Can't go with that. At no point did the highly educated hero of the story hang about despite huge amounts of evidence that something really, really bad was going to happen to him... and then have something really, really bad happen by which we deduce that the universe is a harsh place and we are but maggots to be crushed beneath the feet of giants. Lovecraft's heroes are so increadibly stupid. 
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
hmmm, good point, but i guess i dident illiustrate my point properly.
the content of lovecrafts stories wasent a comparsion wasent the point (as you illistruated so well, the same would apply to kafka, more that the world/universe is a bleak place with something bigger and meaner always waiting to chew you up and spit you out... though on thinking about it, and rereading the story, think Z might be right.
You've tried to do something extremely difficult; cover a lot of history in 664 words. A task, I would guess, that would task even the best writers. Why the rush? Why cover so much ground in such a compact space?
Two major points.
1. What's your hook? What's in this piece that makes me want to read on?
2. Leaving stuff out that will be explained later. You state this before the story starts. A piece of prose should be a self contained entity. It shouldn't need any explaining beforehand, if it does then it's not complete and should be fleshed out further.
A final and overall point. This the memoirs of your character and the opening entry covers several months (I assume) of considerable social upheaval and yet you skim over the major events - none of which touch the character in any real sense.
If you were to write your own memoirs you might tell the reader what's going in the world (I'd be surprised if you didn't) but your real focus would be how all this effected YOU. What was happening specifically in your own corner of the world.
And it's that the reader wants to read about. It that the reader will identify with. if that's missing then it's a history lesson and I can't speak for anyone else but I slept through them when I was at school.
I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh but you've got a great concept that you've skimmed over. In fact I'd go as far to say you've got enough material there to build a novel from.
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
First of all, sorry for getting back to the thread so late; I've had a cold recently, and had to spend about nine hours travelling around London yesterday. Needless to say, I'm in a fairly cranky mood.
Raven:
Well, have you seen the sheer amount of Longbow bases that are dotted about the Isles?
While the Hero population would have taken an absolutely massive strike, I don't think it would have been out of the realms of possibility for Longbow to "survive" - to a certain extent - the purge and come crawling back out of the rubble when all was said and done.
As for the nuking; well, I figured that with no "strong" leaders left, they'd resort to more drastic ways of dealing with Villains (In a similar style to Wyvern). With the Infected being so numerous and out-numbering the forces greatly, a use of WMDs - once, and only once, mind - would have been "appropiate".
Innigo:
Yup, that's the sort of thing my girlfriend pointed out.
I guess, at the heart of it, I wanted to just get things moving. So rather than trying make a hugely elaborate piece covering everything and anything, I just put something together dealing with Mercy Island that would give the reader a taste of what I was writing, and get them interested in further parts.
When my headache's completely gone, and I'm not emotionally drained, I'll be putting together the piece for Port Oakes. That will be much deeper, and covering a lot more history; going into detail about the individual villain groups, noteable events....etc.
Thanks for the feedback though, guys. It was more than enough to make me continue writing this. 
[ QUOTE ]
I guess, at the heart of it, I wanted to just get things moving. So rather than trying make a hugely elaborate piece covering everything and anything, I just put something together dealing with Mercy Island that would give the reader a taste of what I was writing, and get them interested in further parts.
[/ QUOTE ]
Then maybe consider dialogue rather than a journal entry. One person telling another about the history. It's a nice technique as you can use the listener to anticpate the reader's questions and have the stroyteller say something like "All in good time," or "that's another story". Skimming over huge social upheaval is more believable as in conversation that's what people tend to do.
(\_/)
(O.O) Bunny: Our time is coming
(> <)
I liked it, but I agree with Innigo. As a backstory or an introduction to a tale, it's certainly passable, however, as a standalone, it seems particularly short. Keep it up, though, and I'd love to see what happens.
Mrmph, well, due to a creativity crash and certain outside influences, I'm abandoning Down Came the Rain for now; I've tried to write up the next part, but nothing really clicks and I can't get myself involved with what I'm doing. If I don't feel any emotional attachment to what's being typed up, as far as I'm concerned the project isn't worth prolonging.
Thanks for the feedback, even if nothing really came of it.
Hopefully I'll have something a little more substantial and heart-felt to work with in future.
/EDIT - Although in an attempt to salvage some interest, might it be possible to gain a few comments on the stories I have linked in my signature? I've been feeling a little nostalgic lately, and even though I'm not particuarly keen on WoW itself these days, I'm still hugely proud of what I wrote during my time with the game.
This has been an idea I've had for a while; an "epilogue" of sorts for CoV. My interpretation of what would happen when the game had ended. It's written in a "memoir" style, so hopefully it's come out reasonably well. I must stress, however, that I never write in this style without deliberately leaving certain things out at the start. It will all come together, so early discrepancies will be covered.
It should be noted that I have taken a few liberties with the source material - such as the Snakes' victims reverting to their "old" form on death - but I would much prefer people judge it based on the writing and content, rather than how accurate it is to the game.
So far I've only produced a write-up for Mercy Isle. Depending on the reception it recieves, I may or may not continue; I have a fair few ideas knocking around, and I could probably churn out a Port Oakes "conclusion" in a short period of time.
Apologies for the short length; as you can tell, my writing tapers off near the end. I can only write in short bursts without losing momentum.
Thanks in advance for any constructive feedback I recieve.
------
I've achieved a great deal in my life; almost none of which I'm proud of. I suppose - in a way - I always saw things coming to a darker end than I intended them to, but I was still young back then. Still naive, still blind.
Looking back at the major events which have been transpired here on the Rogue Isles fills me with a certain degree of amusement. When Statesman fell, I don't think any of us understood just how important that outside threat was to Arachnos' continued existence; with Paragon's Hero population either dead, incarcerated or in hiding, it was only a matter of time before we turned on one another. Nature of the beast, all things considered.
In the following memoirs I hope to detail just what happened to the Rogue Isles during this time. But to do so, I'll have to back to the beginning....
Mercy Island
Anyone who spent the briefest amount of time employed by Arachnos would have spent a day or two lodged atop Fort Darwin, located in - appropriately enough - Darwin's Landing. It wasn't the most dangerous of areas to be for the soldiers, but it was certainly one of the more disheartening; dilapidated buildings, low tides, high mortality rate among civilians and complete isolation from Mercy City by way of an enormous steel wall. All things considered, the rife gang violence was one of the better aspects of the place.
As any "Destined Ones" can attest to, the memories of that place would last a lifetime.
Maybe it's how I can still remember just how badly those Snake dens stunk, or how much blood stained the pavement; it's just impossible to forget when we first arrived there from the Zig, newly freed and let loose on Recluse's property. We dove in eagerly; clearing out the Snakes, clamping down on the street gangs....even breaking each other's necks if the occasion called for it. We cut our teeth there, and moved on. When you go back there - after everything which has happened - you won't be able to find a single damn Snake there, at all. They're all gone. We were slaughtering them faster than they could find new "recruits", and there was nothing stopping a small group of the more enterprising "Destined" from locating the Snakes' temple and wiping it out.
With the link to their Goddess destroyed, most of the survivors just dropped dead in the streets, reverting back to their human form. It was quite sobering for a number of the agents I was acquainted with; counting and identifying the corpses was never going to be pleasant, of course, but I have vivid memories of otherwise hardened soldiers crumpling into sobbing wrecks as family members were named.
Conversely, the Hellions and Skulls we mopped up were given no such sympathy. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time; I've never seen such anger behind the attacks we lead on them. The agents were using them as scapegoats behind the loss of their families; no quarter was given, and the victims ran scared. Gunned down in the streets, flushed out of Mercy City. The survivors fled to Cap au Diable - or even back to Paragon - and that was an idea island "cleansed", or - at least - as much as we wanted it to be. One group remained; the Infected.
As much as they wanted to, Arachnos could never control everything the civilian populace did. The water surrounding Darwin Isle was absolutely putrid with the waste run-offs from Cap au Diable; the homeless, junkies and other desperate folks would inevitably drink the water and just become...something else entirely. Their minds would go, their bodies would deform; the living dead, in a sense, but sometimes - just sometimes - one would drink the water and gain all the benefits, with none of the drawbacks. Infected that could heighten radiation levels, Infected that could withstand bullets and keep coming, Infected that would tear a man apart with their bare hands; they all came in droves, eventually, but it was our fault. We didn't pay enough attention to them when we could.
By the time people had started heeding Doctor Creed's warnings about them, the Infected had already grown significantly in power. They completely over-ran the island; Fort Darwin was destroyed, Mercy City crushed and Fort Hades? Well....needless to say, they had to relocate Ghost Widow.
A few attempts were made to reclaim the island, but it was just abandoned over time. When Arachnos fell, Longbow - or, at least, what remained of them - tried to sterilise the area so it could be re-inhabited, but the Infected had become too resilient by that point; the only thing stopping them from moving elsewhere was the lack of cognitive thought.
Mercy Isle was the first, and only, recorded incident of Longbow deploying nuclear weaponry.