Arc ID: 232417 - The Hero Who Loved Me

Arc Name: The Hero Who Loved Me
Arc ID: 232417
Levels: 45-50
Faction: Neutral
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Jade-Star
Difficulty Level: Medium

Synopsis: During a Rikti assault on Paragon City, a legendary hero goes missing. You must team up with Turbo Starr and unravel a mystery that may spell the end of Paragon City!

I'd appreciate feedback on this arc. I want to make sure the clues and dialogue are understandable, so any comments on maps/story parts/clues/dialogue is appreciated!

Pay close attention to the clues and dialogue, as well as what transpires throughout the story. It is intended to be a prologue to a much larger story continued in future arcs.

I think you will all have fun with this arc. It has a little bit of everything, and not everything is what it seems

Thanks!

Gonna try this arc out. Will give you feedback soon.

@GlaziusF

Ice/axe tanker. High 30s. Diff 2 for ~goodfights~.

---

Us, huh? Okay, buddy, let's see if you actually show on the ground.

Y'know, if every second counts shouldn't there be a timer?

Wow. That's a crowded objective bar. How much of that is actually mandatory?

Well, what do you know, he actually showed up. Alright, let's kick some -- oh man. Ohhhhh man. Okay. I would like you to think about this:

Focused Senses boosts perception.

Quickness boosts run speed.

Rikti monkey gas makes allies flip out and run the hell away.

Put them all together and it's the amazing Two Rooms Away Man!

I hope I can fly solo for a bit later on.

Also, the Longbow in charge of the base is an ordinary minigunner. Was that intended?

Wow, looks like they were all required. I'm not really sure what you can do to collapse everything - maybe lump all the rescues together?

---

Make up your mind whether the contact spells out his contractions or not. "I have" -> "she has not" -> "I've" -> me going "whuh?"

Guy, it's okay. Heroes can help heroes for no reason at all. I am not your damn relationship counselor, nor does this seem like an appropriate time.

This is going to end up being somebody else who thinks an appropriate memorial for a lost loved one is destroying everything else they ever loved, isn't it? I only ask because I've seen it twice and something's rubbing me the wrong way now.

...wow, if this was actually a Crey plan, there are just so many ways for it to fail. In the middle of a Rikti invasion, deliberately take out one base's defenses and hope that out of all the chaos one particular hero shows up?

Nothing really interesting on the top floor, wonder what's through the secret elevator...

Oh, peachy. He Who Must Be Blamed?

So Countess Crey and Nemesis walk into a covert Arachnos base. Countess Crey says "Is that a USB drive in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Nemesis isn't some Republic serial villain. He'll only tell you what his plan is if he's pulled it off sometime in the past three dozen minutes or so. So why do I have a feeling that the anachronistic clue Big Brass dropped is going to turn into a lead?

Yyyyyep. Look, man, three rules of heroing: Shoot Straight. Conserve Your Inspirations. Never, Never Take A Lead From Lord Nemesis.

---

Carnies now. I guess we haven't gotten all the irritating psychic AVs out of the way.

...okay, Lady Borgia would never say "yucky". More like "uncouth", and I don't believe there's a Freak who's ever couthed in his eventful little life.

Okay, look. Vanessa may be a party girl living in a party world, but that party world is Renaissance-era Italy. Even if she has her mind back at this point, and I have no idea if that's true or not, Giovanna Scaldi has been talking through her mouth for years now and that's not something you just give up.

Agh Malta! Agh Sappers! Agh... they're not firing at me. Um...

Okay, random run-in from the defense force of... the same supergroup Fanboy in the first mission was from. That's not disturbing at all.

Suuuuure there are worse things than all the villains out there, Mr. Malta guy. Brainwashingparamilitaryorganizationthattriedtodes troyParagonCitywithagiantrobotsaysWHAT?

Malta are on the scale of "dudes you should trust" somewhere just very slightly above Nemesis. Their modus operandi is brainwashing and information warfare.

But we're going to trust them as well, aren't we? Yes, yes we are.

---

Look, my contact, you can't just throw half the Malta statement out as bull and take the other half of the statement at face value!

Arachnos... and the Council... in a 5th column base. This is turning into like MA Mad Libs at a distressing rate.

Oh, it's THAT 5th column base. You should be advised, one of the boss locations is up a dozen flights of stairs on the catwalk overlooking the little "parade ground".

GUESS WHERE NOSFY SPAWNS.

...Bonedog. BONEDOG. That's a level 0 Skull functionary name. ...his description is his name. That's, uh, that's real helpful there.

He's Thugs/Rad. I have no clue why.

Why hello there, Gang War. Or should I call you ENERGY ABSORB MAX.

Almost makes up for the rad debuff.

So, alright. The guys coordinating every freakin' high-stakes villain group in possibly the world and planning something unknown, but probably evil, are named TORQUE and BONEDOG.

Those are names that you might expect to have some trouble breaking into a modestly well reinforced pawn shop.

---

Yeah, uh, mind cluing me in on your relationship to this guy, my contact? This guy who shares your last name? Is he like your evil duplicate from another dimension or a clone that got all uppity or perhaps your former auto mechanic grandfather?

No timer on the mission. It's probably already too late.

...it's an Arachnos base, intro text, but given that people can't make SG bases in MA I guess I can forgive it. But... how is this a heroic rescue? It's some guy's girlfriend from another guy who hates him. This is like, 80's teen movie rescue at best.

Okay, descriptive text, I can guess they're loyal minions of the faction they're described as being from. Anything else you want to tell me? No? Okay then.

So. Rescue over... an emp/rad AV? Ooookay. Looks like an ordinary EB out there, and given that she's boosting her boyfriend I decide to just walk away for a drink of water, and the fight's over when I get back.

I check the guy's info before he fades away, and yep, Praetorian Contact.

Oh good, I'm doubting someone as a result of all this. It's... the guy from Freedom Corps. Because apparently it was completely impossible for Crey to change their mimic-Rikti virus to bypass existing protections.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

With all the dubious links in the chain of events leading up to the final mission, I doubt THE FIRST ONE? That's like marking Charlie Chaplin down in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest where the other entries are a broom, a block of gelatin, and a small silver bowl full of pudding!

Oh, and my contact's getting married. THIS won't end horribly.

----

Storyline - *. So... every villain group and perhaps some hero groups are teaming up to... to... Gaw, I don't know, put on the veryest specialest episode of "This is Your Life" for Statesman? I follow quite possibly the least probable chain of clues ever to get to the end of this all... and why was I even here again? My MA/SR ally could probably just solo all of this stuff himself if it wasn't for the persistent ally range issues.

Design - *. The secret Arachnos warehouse and the 5th Column's Last Stand maps don't really fit the groups you put on them much, if at all. Vanessa for some reason shows up not very far into the abandoned warehouse map, leaving about half of it completely pointless.

Gameplay - ***. Even when the Rikti monkey gas wasn't making him cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, my ally still loved to run ahead and slaughter everything. And the "final battle" was over in a handful of seconds without me even having to do anything. Not the fifteen minutes of sweaty-palmed button-mashing action I was expecting.

Detail - **. I have real trouble believing Torque and Bonedog as global-level threats, if that wasn't already clear. The rather anemic descriptions on the enemy group minions and lieutenants seem rather out of place, compared to the lavish bios that my contact and his Praetorian self manage.

Overall - *. As a setup for a larger arc this actually seems completely unnecessary. I mean, I come out the other end knowing pretty much nothing more than when I went in. You've heard of "in medias res", right? Starting a story in the middle? Really I think there'd be a lot to gain from like a hero getting a wedding invitation and showing up to find the place a mess and the "bride" hovering in the air surrounded by a malevolent energy aura saying "FOOL! How could you not recognize I, the malificent Rats E. Daj? My weakling reflection from your world is nothing more than a battery for our Omnivoid Ripper now, and there's nothing you can do to stop us from DESTROYING TIME AND/OR SPACE!"

Or, y'know, whatever you had planned for the future of all of this. I've got no idea what the shape is of things to come. And if this is a prequel of sorts, shouldn't I?

Thank you for taking the time to run through the arc. I appreciate the feedback.

I wanted to sift through your convoluted commentary to glean what (I think) are the major points you are trying to get across. While I can see some of what you are saying is valid, overall I feel the criticisms you make on several other aspects as well as the overall rating far too harsh.

I'll respond to each so forgive this as it will be a lengthy post and my apologies for the spoilers here for those who have not run this yet.

First;

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Ice/axe tanker. High 30s. Diff 2 for ~goodfights~.

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I'm curious how you were able to complete a level 45-50 content arc on a "High 30s Ice/axe tanker"?

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Us, huh? Okay, buddy, let's see if you actually show on the ground.

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Yes, it is up to the both of you. The contact clearly states that heroes are spread out all over the city and otherwise occupied. That should be abundantly clear to anyone who can read.


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Y'know, if every second counts shouldn't there be a timer?

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Possibly, but what would be the point of it? How would that improve the mission? The Rikti are invading, not just stopping by to shoot a few Longbow and then head back to their ship.

Just to add to this; timers (at least IMO) add an unneccessary means for failing a mission and breaking the immersion of a story. As a "reviewer", you should be knowledgeable of how the MA works and the limitations it has in the potential immersion problems with mission failures.

Should a timer expire before completion and the mission fails, you are shown the "Mission Fail Text". And yet when you receive the next mission from the contact, it would seem like you haven't failed and saved the day afterall.

When the MA allows for alternate story threads based on completion succesess or failure, then I might agree. This is something I personally take into consideration when running other player arcs. I do not hold the limitations of the MA against anyone.

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Wow. That's a crowded objective bar. How much of that is actually mandatory?

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Why yes it is and all of it is mandatory. Again, the Rikti are invading the place. Would you not expect to see some wounded that needed tending to? Bombs that needed to be destroyed?

Second, you are the first to comment on this being "too much" to do. Other feedback I have received on this arc have all said they enjoyed these types of missions. The overwhelming majority of standard content is either defeat boss, defeat all, click objects etc. Most all people I know who either run player created arcs or create their own stories like the "flavor" the MA provides in this area. You can create/run content that is something different for a change.

I guess it is just a preference thing here. I don't feel that the amount of objectives is overdone in this mission.


[ QUOTE ]
Okay. I would like you to think about this:

Focused Senses boosts perception.

Quickness boosts run speed.

Rikti monkey gas makes allies flip out and run the hell away.

Put them all together and it's the amazing Two Rooms Away Man!


[/ QUOTE ]

First, I will clarify the ally is not a character of my own creation. He is the main character of a friend of mine on Triumph server. His powersets are exactly the same as my friends character.

Second, I understand fully how powers work and their effect in the MA when faced with things such as caltrops, mudpots, Rikti gas etc. I also see here that you do not understand how allies in the MA work. Focused Senses and Quickness have nothing to do with characters running off due to Rikti gas. Any ally of any powerset combination would do the same. Again, this is a limitation within the MA system itself. Personally, I find it immersive in other player created arcs I have tried to have allies that "run off" and do their own thing. It makes them more "real".

Third, I've run this arc on my tankers, scrappers, defender and blaster and had no real issues with him running "two rooms away". Sure, he may run out of range of the monkey gas (if any at all), but there is not much I can do about that... any custom character will do that. Again, as a "reviewer" of MA created content, you should be knowledgeable enough to understand it is a limitation of the MA system in general and outside the creator control.

Lastly, if as a tanker you are unable to control aggro sufficiently to keep all enemies focused on you (and thereby keeping allies within range), I don't know what to tell you. I invite you to either roll a toon or transfer one to Triumph server where I would be happy to run this again with you on one of my tankers. Perhaps you can learn how to properly and effectively manage aggro on a tanker.


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Also, the Longbow in charge of the base is an ordinary minigunner. Was that intended?

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Not intended, but point taken and I can agree. I will update the character to a more fitting Longbow NPC. I had originally wanted to create her as a custom character, but ran out of file space unfortunately.


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Wow, looks like they were all required. I'm not really sure what you can do to collapse everything - maybe lump all the rescues together?

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I'm curious as to why it would need to "collapse everything"? To be very honest, there is not all that much for you to do in this mission. Were you expecting to run into a 1 room map with 3 enemies to defeat? Again, the story for this mission is the Rikti are invading the Longbow Base. The contact clearly spells out to you in the introduction and accept dialogue that other heroes are spread throughout the city. Some heroes have already responded, but further calls for reinforcements are coming in. After reading this, you should be expecting a busy mission.


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Make up your mind whether the contact spells out his contractions or not. "I have" -> "she has not" -> "I've" -> me going "whuh?"

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Point taken. I will go through the text again and update to make it more uniform.

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Guy, it's okay. Heroes can help heroes for no reason at all. I am not your damn relationship counselor, nor does this seem like an appropriate time.

This is going to end up being somebody else who thinks an appropriate memorial for a lost loved one is destroying everything else they ever loved, isn't it? I only ask because I've seen it twice and something's rubbing me the wrong way now.

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First, this whole part makes no sense to me. The title of the arc itself should give anyone a pretty clear indication there is something of a romantic aspect in the story. I question your ability to be an "objective" reviewer of any story content where you are already forming opinions on a given story based on others you have run before. It sounds to me here like you had already made your mind up at this point and did not pay any real attention to the remainder of the story. I'll come back to this again as you mentioned it later on in your review.

Second, the storyline required an introduction that these two characters have a history together. As the writer, I know these two characters, their story and history (and so do my friends on Triumph) but others don't. If I did not introduce this, the player who does not know these characters has no way of finding this out. He also does not ask for any kind of "relationship counseling", so I've no idea where that tangent thought comes from. The contact provides you with some backstory and history for these characters. This is not an uncommon thing in CoX (ie. Maticore and Sister Psyche) or in comics in general. I can cite you numerous examples from the various comic universes if you like.

Lastly, I wanted to have a reason why the contact seems to overlook some key things within the story. My intent was to have him somewhat blinded by his feelings as to not pay attention to certain things fully. I did not want him to come across as some idiot and leave the deciphering of clues and such to the player. Just my opinion here, but I do have a brain and do not find it necessary to have contacts for every mission spoon feed me everything.

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...wow, if this was actually a Crey plan, there are just so many ways for it to fail. In the middle of a Rikti invasion, deliberately take out one base's defenses and hope that out of all the chaos one particular hero shows up?

Nothing really interesting on the top floor, wonder what's through the secret elevator...

Oh, peachy. He Who Must Be Blamed?

So Countess Crey and Nemesis walk into a covert Arachnos base. Countess Crey says "Is that a USB drive in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

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99% of this is convoluted thought tangents, but from this I get two major things; the use of an Arachnos warehouse map and the USB drive you find on Nemesis. I would agree the clue you get from Nemesis probably does not fit his character, so I will change where/how this clue is received. It is probably more suitable to something you find in the desk along with the other clues in this mission.

As far as the map, at first glance it may seem odd and not appropriate, but as this is only the second mission and Arachnos do appear later in the 4th mission, I do not agree with the criticism of the map. I would understand it if Arachnos never appeared in the story at all, but since they do and Nemeis/Countess Crey are mentioning "alliances", I don't believe the map needs changing. At most, I may update the mission entry pop-up for this one to make mention of that "you find it curious that there is Arachnos tech here".

It should be fairly obvious to anyone who can read why the Crey may be in an Arachnos warehouse. Were you to paying attention to the dialogue of Nemesis and Countess Crey in this mission, you would have an idea why.

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Nemesis isn't some Republic serial villain. He'll only tell you what his plan is if he's pulled it off sometime in the past three dozen minutes or so. So why do I have a feeling that the anachronistic clue Big Brass dropped is going to turn into a lead?

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Point taken and I agree. While Nemesis himself tells you nothing, the clue you received from him works better if found in the desk. I will update the story accordingly.

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Yyyyyep. Look, man, three rules of heroing: Shoot Straight. Conserve Your Inspirations. Never, Never Take A Lead From Lord Nemesis.

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Again, Nemesis himself reveals nothing. It was a clue you found on him, and as I have said I will change this to something more suitable.


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Carnies now. I guess we haven't gotten all the irritating psychic AVs out of the way.

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AVs are meant to be tough. It is just a preference, but I prefer a challenge as do most others I team with on a regular basis. Just as a suggestion, but when you read the mission details at the MA terminal and saw that each mission contains a Boss, perhaps you might consider teaming? I can solo this arc with no real difficulties on my tank. If the EBs/AVs are too much for you alone, find a team.

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...okay, Lady Borgia would never say "yucky". More like "uncouth", and I don't believe there's a Freak who's ever couthed in his eventful little life.

Okay, look. Vanessa may be a party girl living in a party world, but that party world is Renaissance-era Italy. Even if she has her mind back at this point, and I have no idea if that's true or not, Giovanna Scaldi has been talking through her mouth for years now and that's not something you just give up.

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Again, more convoluted thought tangents that ignore the (very important) dialogue of the AV.

This is the part I am hoping you can provide some further clarification if you would not mind as it is one of the most important aspects of the arc;

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Agh Malta! Agh Sappers! Agh... they're not firing at me. Um...

Okay, random run-in from the defense force of... the same supergroup Fanboy in the first mission was from. That's not disturbing at all.

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I am glad that you found this surprising and disturbing as that is the intent of the encounter. When running this with a team, it has been fun to hear the "Malta? Oh crap!" cries from teammates when they show up.

I am curious if you were able to understand that "something" was going on here and that it is clear enough through dialogue that it was important for Vanessa to be "shut up"? Also, did it not strike you as odd that the Omega Force Bots show up as well and they are of the same group from the "hero reinforcement" of the first mission?


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Suuuuure there are worse things than all the villains out there, Mr. Malta guy. Brainwashingparamilitaryorganizationthattriedtodes troyParagonCitywithagiantrobotsaysWHAT?

Malta are on the scale of "dudes you should trust" somewhere just very slightly above Nemesis. Their modus operandi is brainwashing and information warfare.

But we're going to trust them as well, aren't we? Yes, yes we are.

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Yes, you are. While the Malta are noted for secrets within secrets, brainwashing and all that other stuff, they did come to your aid. What their motiviation is for that remains to be seen as I explained in my initial post that this entire arc is a "prelude" to something larger. I will come back to this point at the end of my post.

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Look, my contact, you can't just throw half the Malta statement out as bull and take the other half of the statement at face value!

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Why not? At this point, it is the only lead you have. Also, this kind of thing happens numerous times throughout the game when you have dealt with traitors and turncoats. I personally have also seen this in many player created story arcs. It should not be alien to you.

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Arachnos... and the Council... in a 5th column base. This is turning into like MA Mad Libs at a distressing rate.

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The only piece here that I can agree with is it being a 5th column base. I suppose I do not need remind you of CoX lore in that the 5th Column was overthrown by the Council, so it is within the realm of possibility to anyone with knowledge of the game history that they have access to old 5th Column bases. I will not change the map, but I will update the text from the contact to make note that it is an old 5th facility the Council is still using.

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Oh, it's THAT 5th column base. You should be advised, one of the boss locations is up a dozen flights of stairs on the catwalk overlooking the little "parade ground".

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Yes, I do understand how the map works. Again, while the spawn locations are unfortunate, this is something outside player control. I opted for a better story map than a standard warehouse or cave for this one. Not every Council map will work in terms of location spawns for what I wanted to happen in the story.

I will also add I've seen this base used by everything from Hellions to Rikti in other MA arcs.

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GUESS WHERE NOSFY SPAWNS.

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When we as story arc creators are granted the ability to control where things spawn (other than Front, Middle or Back), I will agree with this. It should also be noted this is a random thing as 9 times out of 10 that I have run this arc with others, he spawns in other locations.

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...Bonedog. BONEDOG. That's a level 0 Skull functionary name. ...his description is his name. That's, uh, that's real helpful there.

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As with Turbo Starr, this is not a character I came up with. He is one of my friends villains. Also, he does have a bio which explains where he comes from. Did you not see it? If not, then he may be bugged. I will take a look at it this evening.

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He's Thugs/Rad. I have no clue why.

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First, these are the sets my friend chose when making his villain. Second, why not?

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Why hello there, Gang War. Or should I call you ENERGY ABSORB MAX.

Almost makes up for the rad debuff.

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Sounds to me that you had some trouble dealing with a difficult AV solo. This should not surprise you in the least as they are meant to be team content.

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So, alright. The guys coordinating every freakin' high-stakes villain group in possibly the world and planning something unknown, but probably evil, are named TORQUE and BONEDOG.

Those are names that you might expect to have some trouble breaking into a modestly well reinforced pawn shop.

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I disagree with you entirely on the naming. I also see that you completely missed Nosferatu's dialogue just before you defeated him. You pretty clearly get the indiciation that Torque Starr and the Red Hand are not the ones "pulling the strings"... they are joining up with the other villain factions just like everyone else.


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Yeah, uh, mind cluing me in on your relationship to this guy, my contact? This guy who shares your last name? Is he like your evil duplicate from another dimension or a clone that got all uppity or perhaps your former auto mechanic grandfather?

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Point taken and I will add some further history into the dialogue here.

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No timer on the mission. It's probably already too late.

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Now in this instance I can see where making this timed would be acceptable.

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...it's an Arachnos base, intro text, but given that people can't make SG bases in MA I guess I can forgive it.

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And yet earlier you criticize map usage? I agree with you 100% that it is sometimes difficult to find suitable maps that work and add some variety other than "every mission is a plain cave/office/warehouse". However, this is where I think your ability as a reviewer falls down. As I mention earlier, you complain about maps used because they "don't fit", but in this instance it is ok. You contradict your own review.

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But... how is this a heroic rescue? It's some guy's girlfriend from another guy who hates him. This is like, 80's teen movie rescue at best.

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I disagree, but you are entitled to your opinion.

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Okay, descriptive text, I can guess they're loyal minions of the faction they're described as being from. Anything else you want to tell me? No? Okay then.

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Point taken and I agree. They could use more detail and I will update accordingly.

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So. Rescue over... an emp/rad AV? Ooookay. Looks like an ordinary EB out there, and given that she's boosting her boyfriend I decide to just walk away for a drink of water, and the fight's over when I get back.

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I can tell by this you did not do anything and allowed the ally to clear the room. Every time I have run this mission solo or on a team, whomever clears the last minion surrounding her receives her buffs.

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I check the guy's info before he fades away, and yep, Praetorian Contact.

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As with Turbo Starr and Bonedog, Torque is another character of my friend whom I used for the arc.

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Oh good, I'm doubting someone as a result of all this. It's... the guy from Freedom Corps. Because apparently it was completely impossible for Crey to change their mimic-Rikti virus to bypass existing protections.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

With all the dubious links in the chain of events leading up to the final mission, I doubt THE FIRST ONE? That's like marking Charlie Chaplin down in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest where the other entries are a broom, a block of gelatin, and a small silver bowl full of pudding!

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Well at least I know you read the final clue. So far you are (sadly) the only person who has not been able to put all the pieces together though. Just about everyone else who has run it (based on feedback received) was able to understand this part quite clearly. In fact, most have enjoyed guessing up to the very end who is involved with what.

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Oh, and my contact's getting married. THIS won't end horribly.

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Sorry to say it, but this comment is entirely useless as a commentary to the story.

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Storyline - *. So... every villain group and perhaps some hero groups are teaming up to... to... Gaw, I don't know, put on the veryest specialest episode of "This is Your Life" for Statesman? I follow quite possibly the least probable chain of clues ever to get to the end of this all... and why was I even here again? My MA/SR ally could probably just solo all of this stuff himself if it wasn't for the persistent ally range issues.

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As I mention in my initial post, this arc is a prelude to a larger story. You are the only person to have run this that has not seen the whole "rescue" storyline as the backdrop to a whole other sub-plot within the story beginning. You are also the only person who does not grasp the concept of what a "prelude" or "prologue" is. Knowing this is intended as a prelude, you should automatically understand that there are some things in the story that are not intended to be answered within it.

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Design - *. The secret Arachnos warehouse and the 5th Column's Last Stand maps don't really fit the groups you put on them much, if at all. Vanessa for some reason shows up not very far into the abandoned warehouse map, leaving about half of it completely pointless.

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I disagree as I mentioned above.

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Gameplay - ***. Even when the Rikti monkey gas wasn't making him cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, my ally still loved to run ahead and slaughter everything. And the "final battle" was over in a handful of seconds without me even having to do anything. Not the fifteen minutes of sweaty-palmed button-mashing action I was expecting.

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I find the highlighted part very hard to believe. I also don't see how not having a "15 minute button mashing-fest" is a requirement for every single mission.

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Detail - **. I have real trouble believing Torque and Bonedog as global-level threats, if that wasn't already clear. The rather anemic descriptions on the enemy group minions and lieutenants seem rather out of place, compared to the lavish bios that my contact and his Praetorian self manage.

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Point taken on the character bios and I will add to them to provide more detail.

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Overall - *. As a setup for a larger arc this actually seems completely unnecessary. I mean, I come out the other end knowing pretty much nothing more than when I went in. You've heard of "in medias res", right? Starting a story in the middle?

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This is where I believe you failed to put all the necessary pieces together. The story does not start in the middle. It starts at the beginning.

What you missed was;

1. Who was in the Longbow base during the invasion? - The report from the Longbow Lt. provides you this clue. Since one of the heroes who responded has disappeared, that leaves only one other person.

2. The dialogue of every villain in the arc - they are all speaking of banding together, someone granting them "amnesty" etc.

3. Who besides the Malta show up to help you when Vanessa starts to talk? - it should also be fairly clear that the Malta while involved, do not necessarily agree with the other villain factions.

4. The Longbow Scientists report and your assessment of it - if the Longbow defense grid was designed against viruses of this kind, then how did it get taken down? WHO was there to do it?

5. As a prelude to a larger story, the sub-plot will pose questions/introduce things not intended to be answered here.

[ QUOTE ]
Or, y'know, whatever you had planned for the future of all of this. I've got no idea what the shape is of things to come. And if this is a prequel of sorts, shouldn't I?

[/ QUOTE ]

As I have said previously, it has been fairly evident to everyone else who has run this so far that the story is essentially the villain factions banding together with "someone" for an unknown reason and that the perhaps the Omega Force group of heroes are not what they appear to be. The rescue/romance part is just a backdrop for this one in particular although it will lead to more in the future arcs that continue the underlying story.


Overall, I feel you were a bit too harsh with your review and nitpicks of areas that are in most cases outside a creators control. The overall rating of 1 star is not appropriate either, especially since you contradict yourself in your own criticisms and seemed to get the basics of what was going on. I beleive you went into this thinking it would be one kind of story, but penalized it for not being what you expected it to be.

I do want to add that I feel you very much need to work on your critiquing skills. With some effort I was able to sift through the meaningless text to gather what I believe you were trying to say. In the future, you may want to try and be more concise with your commentary. In order to provide clear and intelligible feedback to someone, it is important they understand exactly what you are trying to say. Convoluted thought tangents and rambling inner monologue makes no sense as a review of something.

A much more effective technique is to provide feedback like;

"This did not work and here is why".
"I did not understand the purpose of this clue. Could you clarify the intent?"
"This worked well, but might I suggest..."

Some ideas to think about.


Thanks again and I do thank you kindly for taking the time to run the arc.

Seriously man, you totally griefed this arc.

It's a multi-layered story with a fun series of missions, tough fights, engaging dialogue and intriguing clues to a bigger picture.

A 1 star overall rating is nowhere near justified for this story. Way 2 grief.