Again, as I've mentioned numerous times here you are entitled to your own opinion. You wrote a review and I thanked you for your time. I disagree with the rating and how you reached it, but again your opinion. In my opinion and no offense meant, your skills as a reviewer "fail spectacularly".
All I am trying to get across to you is that you say the story "fails spectacularly", but you don't see what you are posting in response is showing how it did indeed work in its intended purpose.
[ QUOTE ]
Not all one-stars are one-stars because they're blatant farms where the only dialogue is "u go kil now". I don't believe I've ever had the displeasure of playing one those as part of this project. This one-star is a one-star because it tried to do grand things and, from where I'm standing, failed spectacularly.
[/ QUOTE ]
Read my original post where it is very clearly stated that the story is intended to be a prelude to a much larger story.
To educate you, from Wikipedia:
[ QUOTE ]
A Prelude ("before play") is something that serves as a preceding event or introduces what follows after it.
[/ QUOTE ]
This arc introduces story elements as events preceding what is yet to come. The specifics of why the villains are banding together will follow later in future arcs as I initially stated in my original post.
Since you were able to grasp that the villains are banding together for an as yet unknown reason, how does this arc fail exactly? It is not intended to provide answers, only clues to the player that something larger is in the works as they go on the missions to rescue a hero.
What you're not seeing is that the story does in fact work based on your own ramblings and thought tangents.
Your own words:
[ QUOTE ]
"What is the most reasonable out of all these three scenarios? Nemesis tells me something I should trust. (Or even if it's Crey! Crey judoed me into ending up on the wrong side of the law in that one arc about that one OS!) Malta tells me something I should trust. A hacker releases a new version of an old virus that circumvents the old means of neutralizing it."
...
"There are rumors about a non-aggression pact circulating the major villain groups; even some heroes are supposed to be signing on. Everyone who's tried to go public about its contents has been silenced."
....
"I mean, if the freakin' archvillains are just speedbumps in Part 0, what do you do to escalate? If Vanessa freaking DaVore is just a minor nuisance, who's an actual threat?"
...
What I'm wondering here is less "who are they all so afraid of" and more "which one of these guys is planning everything, and when are the knives going to come out". Maybe they're all gonna quintuple-cross each other, who knows.
[/ QUOTE ]
I am quite happy to read this because I know as the author, I got my intended goal across and you understood the clues being given to you. I'm sorry that you did not get exact answers to who is behind what and why yet. Again, "preludes" do not by definition provide the full picture. They provide hints of things to come.
You're expecting too much from this single arc without knowing what is yet to come. I could see if once the entire multi-arc story were completed and you were reviewing the entire story as whole you felt this part was not necessary, then I might be less inclined to question your ability as a reviewer. You are not at that point yet to know where the story is going and do not have the full picture, so to say that this "fails" is incorrect.
You're asking yourself "what is going on with this?" and "why are the villains banding together?" and "what are they up to?" and "who is going to turn on the others" etc.
This is exactly how it was intended to work and in my eyes, based on your own words, it has. The story provides a glimpse of things yet to come which is by definition a prelude and gets the player to ask some questions about what is going to happen in the future.
Working as intended and happy to say, not a 1 star rating by any stretch.
Shard Warrior - 50 MA/Regen/BM Scrapper
Founding Member and Leader : Shadow-Force
Co-Leader: Council of Heroes
"Whatever evils come this way... we will be there to stop them."
I ran this Arc but didn't finish because DeVore thoroughly destroyed everyone, ((me included)). Also... Turbo Starr is a bit aggro friendly. He can turn a whole room against you before you are even ready. Lucky that doesn't last long because he's usually KOed by the time half the mission is over.
Maybe you should switch him to Defensive?
Bookmarked so I cn check this when the severs are up.
[ QUOTE ]
I ran this Arc but didn't finish because DeVore thoroughly destroyed everyone, ((me included)). Also... Turbo Starr is a bit aggro friendly. He can turn a whole room against you before you are even ready. Lucky that doesn't last long because he's usually KOed by the time half the mission is over.
Maybe you should switch him to Defensive?
[/ QUOTE ]
He is set to defensive so he shouldn't be running off on his own. This was the third mission? I will double-check when I am home this evening but I am just about positive he is set to follow/defensive. I ran this a few times yesterday with some teams and he scooted off in the second mission once, but that was about it.
I've also noticed this behavior periodically in other arcs I have been running. The powersets for the NPC allies varied greatly, but every now and again some seem to run off for no reason. I'm also noticing bosses taking off when they are at 1/4 health, yet when I asked the authors about it they assured me that they are set to not run due to health.
[ QUOTE ]
Bookmarked so I cn check this when the severs are up.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks! 
I'm interested to know if the dialogue for Lord Nemesis is more in-character for him, so any feedback on that as well as the dialogue for the other major villains, I would appreciate it.
Shard Warrior - 50 MA/Regen/BM Scrapper
Founding Member and Leader : Shadow-Force
Co-Leader: Council of Heroes
"Whatever evils come this way... we will be there to stop them."
Just verified that Turbo is set to follow/fight defensive for all missions and has been toned down to be a boss.
I'm running the arc now to make sure he is working as he should. Incidentally, I've found a cute little bug in i15 here... the Rikti Drones keep re-appearing, then exploding once destroyed. 
Shard Warrior - 50 MA/Regen/BM Scrapper
Founding Member and Leader : Shadow-Force
Co-Leader: Council of Heroes
"Whatever evils come this way... we will be there to stop them."
I had time to run the first mission last night. Should be doing the rest today or tomorrow. Here are my thoughts
First of all, I liked the dialog between Turbo and the hero. I felt the introduction brought the character into the fold immediately and jumped right into a heroic scenario with rescues and destroy targets. I felt that after rescuing Turbo, he was a little underpowered. It seemed like he had only 3 attacks. I dont think I would be able to solo the mission if I was on my controller or defender. Maybe it will be wise to give him more attacks but still keep him at a boss level. On the positive side, he didnt agro at all, so good fix there.
After the mission was complete, it helped when Turbo mentioned his past relationship with Jade-Star. You felt as though he was hesitant to tell you because he said things like, well, ummm, which to me shows his humanness. All in all, the dialog was there, the communication was there and it was a simple first story. I look forward to finishing this arc soon.
@Turbo_Starr
Ran this on my L50 Inv/EM Tanker Capt Tremendous, on Heroic
In the interest of full disclosure, I'll say that I know the architect personally. Because of that I may be too lenient, or possibly too rough since I know he's a smart guy with some good ideas.
I like to roll bullet-style, FYI. Also, I'm going mostly from memory with a few notes so if I get any details wrong, I apologize in advance.
Mission 1
You meet Turbo Starr who tells you that a Longbow base is under attack by Rikti. Some heroes have already gone, but they're still calling for reinforcements. You and Turbo Starr head out to help.
- Right off the bat, lemme say that I generally don't like ally missions. I find that writers often throw them in because they've designed a mission that's too difficult, and that's the solution they come up with. That's not the case here as Turbo Starr is a boss, not an Elite, and can definitely drop (did so several times with me). Believe it or not, that's good. It means that he's not kill-stealing the whole time and making me feel like a tag-along.
- There's a lot to do in this mission. I'm ok with that since it adds to the "Oh crap there's a friggin attack going on!" feel.
- One of the objectives is to start the base's defenses back up at a terminal. In doing so you get a clue about discovering that a virus shut down the defenses right before the attack. I have a problem with this simply because it makes the assumption that my character has the time/skill/inclination to find the virus.
- Good map choice, but big. You'll be in there for a while.
After the mission, Turbo Starr tells you about a hero that went missing during the attack. Jade-Star, whom he has a history with.
Mission 2
Turbo Starr is gonna have the virus examined by someone he knows. Meanwhile, an informant of his says that there's Crey activity at a warehouse in Brickstown. Turbo thinks we should check it out.
- Right off the bat, the circumstance that leads you to the warehouse is way too random. Crey in a warehouse in Brickstown? NO! You don't say? 
- Again, Turbo Starr is an ally.
- While in the warehouse, you find and crack a safe that yields several shipping manifests for Crey heavy weaponry. On it is also mentioned "JS". I have the same problem here as I did with the virus in Mission 1... you're assuming my hero knows how to crack a safe. I can tell you, Capt Tremendous does not.
- You run into Lord Nemesis, spouting on as he does. From what he says you get the idea that a much vaster plot is underway. My biggest problem here is that the writer didn't use a Fake Nemesis... or a representative of Nemesis... he used the real Lord Nemesis. The guy that's been pulling strings and running plots for-ev-er. Then, I'm lucky enough to come across him in a warehouse and apprehend him? I don't buy it.
- Countess Crey is also there. I also have a problem with her being there, but not as big a one as with Nemesis. My gripe with CC is her dialogue. She says stuff like "Oh, now you are making me mad." It just feels forced.
- The underlying story here is that the villains seem to be trying to negotiate some deal amongst themselves.
After the mission, Turbo tells you more about how he feels about Jade-Star.
Mission 3
In this one you head to a warehouse that is a known Carnival of Shadows hangout to try to find out more about what's going on, and where Jade-Star is. If I remember correctly, you got the address from coordinates on the manifest you found in the Crey warehouse in Mission 2.
- Again, Turbo Starr is an ally.
- In the mission there are Carnival of Shadows, Freaks, and Council. Obviously, still pushing the idea that villain groups are getting together.
- In the mission you fight Vanessa DeVore. At one point she says something like "If I tell you what I know will you stop beating on me?" While doing so, Malta and "Omega Force" attack her to shut her up before she tells you anything. My problem here is, like Countess Crey, the dialog for Vanessa seems really off. She says stuff like "I just got my nails done and you're gonna make me ruin them by punching you...", "You just messed up my hair...", and "Oh you are so asking for it..." I don't remember DeVore being a quaffed valley-girl from 1987. I think the author is trying to interject some comedy, but it just feels misplaced and forced.
- Another issue... who in the blue-hell is Omega Force? If they're being set up as something important later, then the mystery needs to be pushed. That's flushed away when you exit the mission and Turbo says something like "Boy, Omega Force is doing a great job".
You get a clue that forcefully tries to get you to believe what the Malta guy says to you. He basically tells you that there are other evils in the world and to find them, you should look in a mirror.
Mission 4
You find out that the Council is occupying an old 5th Column base, and you head there to look for Jade-Star. I don't remember where you get the base location from... it might be the Malta guy. Again, more dialogue from Turbo to really cram down your throat, the idea that you have no choice but to trust the Maltas. He also says that the base should be lightly guarded, but when you get there the entry text says that the place is "crawling with" Council.
- Again, Turbo Starr is an ally.
- 10 feet into the map I was attacked by members of "The Red Hand". Who? There needs to be something early in the mission that explains who these guys are. Maybe upon finding Turbo have him say something. NOTE: I may just not be remembering that happening. If it did, then forget this bullet exists.
- I HATE 5th Column/Council maps, especially when I'm dragging an ally around. After the 10th "Hey waitup!", I left his silly butt behind.
- The map is that one with the big, multilevel area at the end. A fine choice since the EBs didn't spawn up top on the catwalk.
- You fight Nosferatu. Not bad alone, but he spawned VERY close to the other EB. Somehow the other guy didn't join the fight, but if I had to back-peddle off of Nosferatu, I woulda backed right into the other guy and a bad time woulda ensued.
- Nosferatu mentions something like "The plans are already in motion and can't be stopped..." I'm sorry, but I just don't buy all of these top-shelf baddies doing the self-sacrifice-thing and buying into whatever is going on.
- After Nosferatu, you fight Bonedog, a Thugs/Rad. None of my characters would be afraid of anyone named Bonedog. I know the author didn't create the character, but that doesn't mean you have to use him...
- Also, Bonedog's dialog is torturous. All he says is stuff like "Boy, I'm gonna be in trouble..." The only benefit of the dialogue is that it made me want to defeat him faster.
- After defeating him, Bonedog tells you that Jade-star is being held by Torque Starr, Turbo Starr's nemesis. He also tells you where you can find her.
Mission 5
Turbo Starr and you set off to rescue Jade-Star. There's a weird bit of text here... I forget if Turbo says it or if it's in the mission entry popup... but it says something like "... even though she may probably already be dead..." It should be either "... even though she may already be dead..." or "... though she's probably already dead..."
- Again, Turbo Starr is an ally.
- Upon entering, I immediately feel that the map choice is bad.
It's an Arachnos map, full of "The Red Hand" guys. It's not the map itself, it's all of the Arachnos banners hanging all over the place. If Torque Starr is as bad as I'm supposed to feel that he is, he should have his own digs... not be squatting.
- Kill baddies... find Jade-Star... defeat Torque Starr. Nice and simple.
Afterward, you start to wonder if the scientist that gave you info on the virus lied or not about it's origins as Long Bow bases are protected against viruses. This clue seems to come outa nowhere.
Also, Turbo Starr tells you that he and Jade-Star are getting married.
__________________________________________________ __
Observations and Suggestions
Over all I can tell that the writer put a lot of time and thought into the arc. However, imo there's a couple of problems...
General
- The whole arc is schizophrenic. It is really difficult to write a big story like this, and often the theme is lost somewhere. Is it a love story, a conspiracy story, a mystery, an origin story...? It tries to do too much.
SUGGESTION - Split it into 2 arcs. As is, the primary story of Turbo looking for his lost chick is muddled and distracted from by the subplot. Also, the subplot becomes nothing more than "Oh look, more super-evil doing... something." I think I see what you're laying the ground work for... but it just ends up being frustrating. Both parts of the plaot suffer for it. If it was 2 separate arcs, one to find a lost love in danger and one to investigate a series of suspicious events, I think each could be great.
- Mission exit popups. Every time you exit you get "Great job!" and such. It made me feel like I was 5 years old.
SUGGESTION - Lose all the mission success popups. They don't do anything for the story at all.
- Personal/Friend's characters can get you into a lot of trouble unless you make them feel really original to the story. To be perfectly blunt, I didn't care about Turbo, Jade, Bonedog, or Torque at all because you couldn't spend enough time getting me to care since you had the subplot to push. As is, the people who already know these characters will like it while the rest of us are "meh".
SUGGESTION - See my above comment about splitting this into 2 arcs. In the love story arc, you could spend all the time you need developing these characters as they should be.
Specific
- In mission 1, the "you find a virus" thing is forced.
SUGGESTION - Leave the console in, but move the virus clue to one of the Long Bow being rescued. "I have to get to the medic. Please guard this report until after the attack." and have the wounded guy give you a system diagnostic showing the virus infection.
- In Mission 2, the safe is the same as the virus from Mission 1.
SUGGESTION - Find the shipping manifest on one of the defeated Crey.
- Mission 2, there needs to be a better reason to go check out the warehouse. It's way too coincidental.
SUGGESTION - write more
- Mission 2, THE Lord Nemesis being in the mission and being captured dramatically undercuts his place in the canon. He is a global threat with immense influence. treating him otherwise loses you credibility with players that are familiar with the character.
SUGGESTION - Fake Nemesis, or other Nemesis representative.
- Mission 3, DeVore's dialogue is really immersion-breaking.
SUGGESTION - Change it to be more in-line with the canon.
- Mission 3, Who is Omega Force?
SUGGESTION - Upon returning to Turbo, we need more on Omega Force. If not info, then you need to push the mystery while not making them a focus. "And who were those Omega Force guys? I'm glad they helped-out with DeVore and all, but we should probably find out more about them. We can worry about that later, though. First we have to rescue Jade..."
- Mission 4, Bonedog.
SUGGESTION - No Bonedog for a couple of reasons. 1 - Squishies might have a tough time with a Thugs/Rad. 2 - His name is Bonedog.
- Mission 5, the Arachnos map is a bad choice since it undercuts the villain's credibility. A real threat would have his own place... one not covered with Arachnos banners.
SUGGESTION - Another map.
I rated the arc 3 stars as is. A lot of effort on the author's part is evident, but as I said earlier, I think it tries to do too much and the theme suffers. The author is obviously going for the "first book that lays the groundwork for a series" thing, but without fleshing out some of the info it doesn't work. With some changes I can see it being a 4-5 star, and would happily play it again and re-rate it.
Nice to see someone posting something besides nauseatingly ridiculous and seemingly drug induced garbage to review an arc for a change.
Wanted to comment on a few things;
[ QUOTE ]
One of the objectives is to start the base's defenses back up at a terminal. In doing so you get a clue about discovering that a virus shut down the defenses right before the attack. I have a problem with this simply because it makes the assumption that my character has the time/skill/inclination to find the virus.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, first of all, it's a clue. Second, you're not the only person running their character through it, so don't expect to find material tailored to your character in specific. That's an arrogant assumption and if that is what you're expecting in missions, then you should write your own stories specifically suited to you and your "vision" of who and what your character is. A player who fancies their character a computer expert would find a clue given to them as you suggested stupid. Their character is a computer expert, why couldn't they find it? Why would they need someone else to hand it to them as you suggest? It's a catch 22. Third, it's pretty obvious as you progress through the story and make it to the end that the virus was planted to be found. It's also clear that it wasn't what took the defense grid down. The final clue of the arc gives this away.
[ QUOTE ]
Right off the bat, lemme say that I generally don't like ally missions. I find that writers often throw them in because they've designed a mission that's too difficult, and that's the solution they come up with.
[/ QUOTE ]
When done right, I personally enjoy them and know of a lot of other people who do as well. You have to keep in mind that there are ATs in this game that don't solo well, regardless if a mission has bosses or AVs in it. Adding allies to mission arcs makes this a little less painful as they have someone to help, and in my opinion adds some immersion to a story.
[ QUOTE ]
- While in the warehouse, you find and crack a safe that yields several shipping manifests for Crey heavy weaponry. On it is also mentioned "JS". I have the same problem here as I did with the virus in Mission 1... you're assuming my hero knows how to crack a safe. I can tell you, Capt Tremendous does not.
[/ QUOTE ]
Again, if you're looking for content specifically written and tailored for you and your vision of your character, then you should write your own content and run that. Don't expect every arc out there to make complete sense to fit your "character". Dumbing down a story to make all clues found in an unsecured desk drawer with "we are the bad guys and this is our evil plan" written plainly on it and with nice big picture maps with large print doesn't work. Not everyone has a character they portray as a dimwit.
[ QUOTE ]
You run into Lord Nemesis, spouting on as he does. From what he says you get the idea that a much vaster plot is underway. My biggest problem here is that the writer didn't use a Fake Nemesis... or a representative of Nemesis... he used the real Lord Nemesis.
[/ QUOTE ]
IMO, this is another example of someone not understanding what a "prelude" is. How do you know this was the "real" Nemesis? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. What I gathered from his text was that he was just waiting for the heroes to arrive to begin his "plan". He wanted you to come and capture him. He even says something to the effect that you beating him was anticipated. Personally, I got the impression that this was Lord Nemesis in name only. It wasn't really him, especially with the planted clue being found in mission 1, what happens in mission 3 with Vanessa and the villain text throughout.
[ QUOTE ]
Another issue... who in the blue-hell is Omega Force? If they're being set up as something important later, then the mystery needs to be pushed. That's flushed away when you exit the mission and Turbo says something like "Boy, Omega Force is doing a great job".
[/ QUOTE ]
Personally, I found this part to be very mysterious when taking into account Vanessa's text. She seemed to know exactly who they were and was surprised to seem them showing up to apprehend her. IIRC she says something to the effect of "and they say heroes don't lie". Add this to the planted virus from the first mission and the one and only person who could have put it there, it makes for a pretty solid bit of intrigue if you ask me. No, you don't know what is going on with them... yet. The story is a prelude as the OP keeps trying to point out. I've no doubt the rest of the story will feature them heavily, especially since it's obvious that they are not what they appear to be. I found it interesting that the clue in the Crey warehouse mentioned "advanced technology" being shipped to an "undisclosed location", then in mission 3 these "advanced" robots show up. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. The robots didn't seem to round up the Malta in that one either. I wonder why? Also, I see the contact not making more of a big deal out of them as him being more real. He is a hero and they are (supposedly) heroes and in the CoH universe, heroes trust each other. He has no reason to doubt them yet. Not everyone is perfect. He's a guy trying to find his ex who he still loves. He's a human being and is somewhat blind to everything else at this point. Since this story is supposed to start laying the groundwork for something, I can see where this would come into play as instead of "what were they up to?" in this arc it would be more of "wow were we wrong about them" in the next. It's also leaving something up to the player to think about. Personally, I can not stand arcs that I run where I am handed everything like I'm some 9 year old child. Seriously, people are not all dumb. A little imagination will go a long way.
[ QUOTE ]
None of my characters would be afraid of anyone named Bonedog. I know the author didn't create the character, but that doesn't mean you have to use him...
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, the name is a bit silly. But you did run this with a character named "Capt Tremendous", which, no offense, is a pretty darn stupid and unimaginative name too. So pot, meet kettle on that one.
[ QUOTE ]
- Upon entering, I immediately feel that the map choice is bad.
It's an Arachnos map, full of "The Red Hand" guys. It's not the map itself, it's all of the Arachnos banners hanging all over the place. If Torque Starr is as bad as I'm supposed to feel that he is, he should have his own digs... not be squatting.
[/ QUOTE ]
I've never understood these kinds of "critiques". Since the MA only allows for a limited amount of generic maps, every custom group should have the same "secret lair" generic tech map or cave or plain warehouse as the next gang? Sorry, I don't buy this. All it takes is a little imagination. Even the bonehead who doesn't know how to write a review said that earlier. Some slack needs to be given to authors on this. You just can't please everyone. If it had been a generic cave map, you'd have complained that it was a cave and it didn't fit. If it were a warehouse, you'd say it didn't fit. If it were an office, you'd say "but the CoT used that one in so and so's arc when I was level 14". Use a little imagination and pretend those aren't spiders on the wall for a change.
[ QUOTE ]
To be perfectly blunt, I didn't care about Turbo, Jade, Bonedog, or Torque at all because you couldn't spend enough time getting me to care since you had the subplot to push. As is, the people who already know these characters will like it while the rest of us are "meh".
[/ QUOTE ]
Personally, I enjoy it when people include original characters. After 5 years of fighting the same villains and same heroes over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, it's a breath of fresh air to see characters other than the Freedom Phalanx or Longbow.
Here are a few other things where you contradict yourself or don't make sense at all:
[ QUOTE ]
- In mission 1, the "you find a virus" thing is forced.
SUGGESTION - Leave the console in, but move the virus clue to one of the Long Bow being rescued. "I have to get to the medic. Please guard this report until after the attack." and have the wounded guy give you a system diagnostic showing the virus infection.
[/ QUOTE ]
So if I understood you, your character does not have the brains to use a computer so finding a virus is "not good" on a comuter. Yet as a hero, it works better to be turned into a lowly secretary or clerk to hold some paperwork for a Longbow? Sorry, not buying it.
[ QUOTE ]
- Mission 2, there needs to be a better reason to go check out the warehouse. It's way too coincidental.
SUGGESTION - write more
[/ QUOTE ]
The virus was of Crey origin. The contact dialogue explains that much very well. What more do you need? A blimp in the sky with "HEY LOOK HERE" written on it? It's a lead. And "write more" what?
[ QUOTE ]
- Mission 2, THE Lord Nemesis being in the mission and being captured dramatically undercuts his place in the canon. He is a global threat with immense influence. treating him otherwise loses you credibility with players that are familiar with the character.
SUGGESTION - Fake Nemesis, or other Nemesis representative.
[/ QUOTE ]
How do you know this really was Nemesis? If it were, would he allow himself to be captured so easily?
[ QUOTE ]
- Mission 3, Who is Omega Force?
SUGGESTION - Upon returning to Turbo, we need more on Omega Force. If not info, then you need to push the mystery while not making them a focus. "And who were those Omega Force guys? I'm glad they helped-out with DeVore and all, but we should probably find out more about them. We can worry about that later, though.
[/ QUOTE ]
IIRC, Captain Amazing's bio says something about you having seen Omega Force "on the news". Granted that is in a place where most won't bother to read, but the devil is in the details. Second, having the contact say "we should check them out" makes him seem paranoid and breaks immersion with how heroes are portrayed in CoH. They work together and trust each other.
[ QUOTE ]
- Mission 4, Bonedog.
SUGGESTION - No Bonedog for a couple of reasons. 1 - Squishies might have a tough time with a Thugs/Rad.
[/ QUOTE ]
Which is why there are allies in missions so "squishies" can do better if they want to solo it ... which is a complaint you had earlier because authors "write missions that are too difficult". And if they made nothing but gimped AVs or EBs to fight, scrappers and tankers would have a serious yawn-fest.
[ QUOTE ]
2 - His name is Bonedog.
[/ QUOTE ]
Like I said before, this coming from a guy who has a toon named "Capt Tremendous". No offense, but I'm sure your character names are just as stupid as the next players. Because you are writing some text on a page here to try and be a "critic" doesn't exempt you from that.
I agree that the dialogue from Countess Crey and Vanessa needs to be redone. It's out of character for them and would make the story better. The dialogue from "Nemesis" and Nosferatu worked well enough. One thing I would like to see added is to answer whether or not Jade-Star was specifically targeted or was she a target of opportunity? I get that Torque would kidnap her to piss off Turbo, but did he plan it this way or just take advantage of the situation to grab her in the chaos of that Rikti attack? I'm wondering because "Nemesis" mentions waiting for the heroes to "get involved" so I'm curious if her kidnapping was part of it.
[ QUOTE ]
Wanted to comment on a few things;
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
One of the objectives is to start the base's defenses back up at a terminal. In doing so you get a clue about discovering that a virus shut down the defenses right before the attack. I have a problem with this simply because it makes the assumption that my character has the time/skill/inclination to find the virus.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, first of all, it's a clue. Second, you're not the only person running their character through it, so don't expect to find material tailored to your character in specific. That's an arrogant assumption and if that is what you're expecting in missions, then you should write your own stories specifically suited to you and your "vision" of who and what your character is. A player who fancies their character a computer expert would find a clue given to them as you suggested stupid.
[/ QUOTE ]
I never said that I wanted content tailored to my character. Here's a classic case of "grasping for straws to desperately defend an arc". What I was getting at was the fact that having you find the virus on the console is too specific. Not to me, but to everyone who's character is not a computer person. Viruses don't generally show up on the desktop waving a flag at you so you know they're there. Then you contradict yourself when you mention that a character that's a computer expert would find my suggested method dumb? Ummm... wouldn't that be tailoring toward a specific character or type of character?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
- While in the warehouse, you find and crack a safe that yields several shipping manifests for Crey heavy weaponry. On it is also mentioned "JS". I have the same problem here as I did with the virus in Mission 1... you're assuming my hero knows how to crack a safe. I can tell you, Capt Tremendous does not.
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Again, if you're looking for content specifically written and tailored for you and your vision of your character, then you should write your own content and run that. Don't expect every arc out there to make complete sense to fit your "character". Dumbing down a story to make all clues found in an unsecured desk drawer with "we are the bad guys and this is our evil plan" written plainly on it and with nice big picture maps with large print doesn't work. Not everyone has a character they portray as a dimwit.
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Again, not asking for specific content tailored toward my character. But making the assumption that my character can crack a safe is too big a jump. Maybe all of your characters are safe-cracking-computer-experts, so it's fine by you. To make it more accessible to more characters, it needs to be more "anybody could have found the clue this way" unless you're simply going to dismiss it and just worry about the clue. Me? I notice the little things, and it was my critique, after all.
Also, I'm glad you think anyone who can't crack a safe is a dimwit. I'm pretty sure Superman couldn't do it without simply destroying it because he never developed safe-cracking skills. His intelligence is rated pretty high.
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You run into Lord Nemesis, spouting on as he does. From what he says you get the idea that a much vaster plot is underway. My biggest problem here is that the writer didn't use a Fake Nemesis... or a representative of Nemesis... he used the real Lord Nemesis.
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IMO, this is another example of someone not understanding what a "prelude" is. How do you know this was the "real" Nemesis? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.
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1 - Nowhere in the mission description does it say that this arc is a prelude to another, bigger story. Anyone just randomly playing the arc will have no idea of that...
2 - Turbo later says something like "I'd love to interrogate Nemesis and Countess Crey, but..." All the writing implies that it's the real Nemesis. I'm sure we could argue about this one all day...
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The robots didn't seem to round up the Malta in that one either. I wonder why? Also, I see the contact not making more of a big deal out of them as him being more real. He is a hero and they are (supposedly) heroes and in the CoH universe, heroes trust each other. He has no reason to doubt them yet.
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You start by saying "The robots didn't seem to round up the Malta in that one either. I wonder why?" and then follow it with "He is a hero and they are (supposedly) heroes and in the CoH universe, heroes trust each other. He has no reason to doubt them yet." Really? Brand new, no-one-has-seen-before superbots that are working with Malta? No... no reason to be suspicious there.... And from the players point of view, it just comes down to basically being told "Don't worry about that now... you'll find out more later." Even though, as I said earlier, the arc gives no indication that it's a prelude. Yes, you and I know it because the author told us so here on the boards. That's not enough.
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None of my characters would be afraid of anyone named Bonedog. I know the author didn't create the character, but that doesn't mean you have to use him...
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Yeah, the name is a bit silly. But you did run this with a character named "Capt Tremendous", which, no offense, is a pretty darn stupid and unimaginative name too. So pot, meet kettle on that one.
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How does the name of my character have any impact on the arc at all? Answer: It doesn't. My char name could be "Awesome McCool", "Dark guy of the Dark", "Miss_Freeze", "Shard Warrior", or whatever. The player's character is not supposed to be an important high level Elite baddie that you're supposed to worry about, let alone be standing 10 feet from someone like Nosferatu. You're reaching again.
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- Upon entering, I immediately feel that the map choice is bad.
It's an Arachnos map, full of "The Red Hand" guys. It's not the map itself, it's all of the Arachnos banners hanging all over the place. If Torque Starr is as bad as I'm supposed to feel that he is, he should have his own digs... not be squatting.
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I've never understood these kinds of "critiques".
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Good. I'm glad you don't understand. Of course I'd be just as glad if you did.
It's this simple: Setting is very important to story. the wrong setting can be distracting. Imagine a Lord of the Rings knock-off set in a Crey lab. Wouldn't work. While the use of an Arachnos map in this mission is not nearly that bad, I still found it off. If you didn't that's great.
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To be perfectly blunt, I didn't care about Turbo, Jade, Bonedog, or Torque at all because you couldn't spend enough time getting me to care since you had the subplot to push. As is, the people who already know these characters will like it while the rest of us are "meh".
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Personally, I enjoy it when people include original characters.
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I have no problem with original characters. In fact I love when people use them. The problem is that when you don't have time to develop them because you're mixing too many things together, the characters feel shallow and you can get the impression that the arc is a fluff piece about the author's characters. Especially when one of them is referred to in the description as a "...legendary hero of Paragon City". That requires more background so I can know about the characters and care about them.
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- In mission 1, the "you find a virus" thing is forced.
SUGGESTION - Leave the console in, but move the virus clue to one of the Long Bow being rescued. "I have to get to the medic. Please guard this report until after the attack." and have the wounded guy give you a system diagnostic showing the virus infection.
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So if I understood you, your character does not have the brains to use a computer so finding a virus is "not good" on a comuter. Yet as a hero, it works better to be turned into a lowly secretary or clerk to hold some paperwork for a Longbow? Sorry, not buying it.
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Riiiiiiiiiiiight... I said that my characters is dumb. Not that he may not be a computer person who now has to spend time to try to find a source of the shutdown rather than simply reactivating the system like the mission goal said, all the while Rikti are invading the base and people need rescuing.
WOW you must have purple'd-out you misinterpretation skills...
Also, the idea that a character needs to protect important info is not exactly new or demeaning.
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- Mission 2, there needs to be a better reason to go check out the warehouse. It's way too coincidental.
SUGGESTION - write more
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The virus was of Crey origin. The contact dialogue explains that much very well. What more do you need? A blimp in the sky with "HEY LOOK HERE" written on it? It's a lead. And "write more" what?
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"Write more" simply refers to the fact that "Hey, there's some Crey in a warehouse in Brickstown" is not enough, especially when you get there to find the meeting between Nemesis and Countess Crey. OF COURSE there's Crey in a warehouse in Brickstown... they're all over the friggin place! WAY too coincidental. Needs more effort on the writer's part.
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- Mission 3, Who is Omega Force?
SUGGESTION - Upon returning to Turbo, we need more on Omega Force. If not info, then you need to push the mystery while not making them a focus. "And who were those Omega Force guys? I'm glad they helped-out with DeVore and all, but we should probably find out more about them. We can worry about that later, though.
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IIRC, Captain Amazing's bio says something about you having seen Omega Force "on the news". Granted that is in a place where most won't bother to read, but the devil is in the details.
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So you admit that info is basically in a place where no one will look for it, and then say that people should look there??? Coming from someone who said that it's fine that you go to mission 2 for basically no reason other than "A contact told me that some Crey are there...", this seems extraordinarily contradictory and cheerleader-y to me.
No offense Miss_Freeze, but you've shown in this thread that you're such a cheerleader of this arc that you're critique of my critique has no credibility. No matter what I wrote, if it wasn't "This arc is made of awesome!" you'd try to pick it apart.
You're a fan... I get it. We all get it.
But guess what? Some people are here to give criticisms because we think we can help make an arc better. The author asked for feedback, and I gave it. You're unnecessary defense of his story, grasping for straws as you go, offers no constructive feedback for him. the only reason I replied was to point out the flaws in your arguments. Hopefully the author will gain something from that.
Could go tit for tat in a pissing contest all day, but I've got things to do this morning so I'll hit the highlights.
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Also, I'm glad you think anyone who can't crack a safe is a dimwit. I'm pretty sure Superman couldn't do it without simply destroying it because he never developed safe-cracking skills. His intelligence is rated pretty high.
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Dunno about you but I've read plenty of Superman comics, seen plenty of Superman TV shows where he has used his super-hearing and/or x-ray vision to crack into a safe. It's been used to show he's not just all muscle and no brain. Maybe try reading more comics?
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Brand new, no-one-has-seen-before superbots that are working with Malta?
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Who said they were working with the Malta? They showed up to help you bring Vanessa in. Nowhere does it say they are "working for the Malta". L2read.
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How does the name of my character have any impact on the arc at all? Answer: It doesn't.
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You were criticizing a name as being stupid. I was merely pointing out where your character names are just as stupid (if not more so) to the next person.
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It's this simple: Setting is very important to story. the wrong setting can be distracting. Imagine a Lord of the Rings knock-off set in a Crey lab. Wouldn't work. While the use of an Arachnos map in this mission is not nearly that bad, I still found it off. If you didn't that's great.
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Again, L2read. The MA is very limited in regard to creating environments for custom character groups. Using the same old bland tech map you've seen ad nauseum throughout the game is just as bland. Go and make an arc with a custom group and put them into a bland office or warehouse or cave or tech map and I'll be happy to run it, then offer my critique saying your map choice doesn't work because I just saw it being used by different groups on the 500 other non-MA story arcs already in game. Quite frankly, it's idiotic to criticize map usage when the MA offers so few choices.
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In fact I love when people use them. The problem is that when you don't have time to develop them because you're mixing too many things together, the characters feel shallow and you can get the impression that the arc is a fluff piece about the author's characters. Especially when one of them is referred to in the description as a "...legendary hero of Paragon City". That requires more background so I can know about the characters and care about them.
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And where do you tell this? There is not infinite file space or text space to put this kind of thing for every story. Sure, you could devote an entire arc to developing every single character in minute detail. Guess what? You've just wasted an arc slot. Writers are limited to 8 arc slots (with the upcoming purchase of additional slots). Personally, I can understand why some stories I've run are paired down to the bare minimum when it comes to character development. Ask the devs to give you 500,000 lines of text for MA content and you're sure to see more done to write proper biographies and entire stories devoted to developing individual characters.
Last note on this part, just about every contact in this game has a few hundred words to describe them and their history. Don't expect to read "Lord of the Rings" length text and detail for every single character.
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You're unnecessary defense of his story, grasping for straws as you go, offers no constructive feedback for him.
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I've already provided the author my thoughts via PM and in-game. Quite frankly, you're grasping at straws to pick apart things that are limitations of the editing tool that is available just to make yourself feel important.
I'll write more later.
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Dunno about you but I've read plenty of Superman comics, seen plenty of Superman TV shows where he has used his super-hearing and/or x-ray vision to crack into a safe. It's been used to show he's not just all muscle and no brain. Maybe try reading more comics?
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Ummm... didn't I say that Superman is considered to have a high intelligence? I just said that he never developed lock-breaking skills. Also, remember plenty of characters don't have super-hearing or x-ray vision. Now I'm starting to think you're just arguing for arguing's sake.
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Brand new, no-one-has-seen-before superbots that are working with Malta?
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Who said they were working with the Malta? They showed up to help you bring Vanessa in. Nowhere does it say they are "working for the Malta". L2read.
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They show up at the same exact time, to fight the same exact baddie, and are unexplained. this gives the impression that they're working together.
Also, I love how you quote me then miss-quote me. L2read right back atcha.
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Again, L2read. The MA is very limited in regard to creating environments for custom character groups. Using the same old bland tech map you've seen ad nauseum throughout the game is just as bland. Go and make an arc with a custom group and put them into a bland office or warehouse or cave or tech map and I'll be happy to run it, then offer my critique saying your map choice doesn't work because I just saw it being used by different groups on the 500 other non-MA story arcs already in game. Quite frankly, it's idiotic to criticize map usage when the MA offers so few choices.
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1 - I never said use any plain old map. I said that using a map filled with Arachnos banners was a bad choice.
2 - I love how you say that you'd criticize someone for using a standard map, then call that type of criticism idiotic.
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In fact I love when people use them. The problem is that when you don't have time to develop them because you're mixing too many things together, the characters feel shallow and you can get the impression that the arc is a fluff piece about the author's characters. Especially when one of them is referred to in the description as a "...legendary hero of Paragon City". That requires more background so I can know about the characters and care about them.
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And where do you tell this? There is not infinite file space or text space to put this kind of thing for every story.
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*sigh*
Remember in my original critique where I said that the arc is trying to do too much? Where I felt that if the Turbo/Jade-Star story were done in it's own arc that it would be better since you could give the characters' histories the attention they deserved?
I'm sorry if my connecting-2-separate-thoughts together was confusing.
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I've already provided the author my thoughts via PM and in-game. Quite frankly, you're grasping at straws to pick apart things that are limitations of the editing tool that is available just to make yourself feel important.
I'll write more later.
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Go ahead. I'm done in this thread. You're a cheerleader who for some reason feels the need to attack every criticism of this arc, to the point where you don't actually read what someone else said for it's meaning, but just for something to disagree with. I have no intention of reading any more non-objective fanboy/girl responses from you.
Please feel free to attack me all you want. Maybe some people will get a chuckle...
Folks, it would be really great if everyone could just grow up a little. The nitpick-fests and semantics do absolutely nothing for helping to make AE created content better.
I don't promote this arc to be any masterpiece of literature nor profess myself to be the second coming of Shakespeare.
I created this arc as something fun to do. If you enjoy it, that's fantastic. If not, that's great too. Everyone has their own preferences, opinions, likes and dislikes.
Anyway, I'm removing this arc from the AE and PMing a mod to lock down this thread as its become counter-productive at this point.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to run the arc and provide comments.
Shard Warrior - 50 MA/Regen/BM Scrapper
Founding Member and Leader : Shadow-Force
Co-Leader: Council of Heroes
"Whatever evils come this way... we will be there to stop them."
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Not cool with the white-knighting, dude who decided to go to bat for me.
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Noted, and accepted.