[ QUOTE ]
Dream Paper (ID: 1874)
This is a well written arc, I didn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes so good job :-)
The story itself is pretty good and the missions are well well crafted with good use of dialogue.
I wasn't sure though why the lost would raid a homeless site for one of their papers, especially if the manager is the one behind it and asking a troll to deliver it for him? That bit didn't really make sense to me.
[/ QUOTE ]
They were using it as a storehouse, actually. When Alfonse took some home they broke into HIS house to get it back.
[ QUOTE ]
The Tsoo bit was interesting. I did feel personally that surely Grandma knew what she was taking and was happy with it, I did go with it. Infact when the Tsoo boss hinted there was more at work, it was quite disapointing that the story didn't follow that lead to figure out what he meant.
[/ QUOTE ]
If you want to find out what the Tsoo were up to, talk to a Tsoo contact in the 15-20 range and start the arc called "The Tsoo Shenanigans".
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The troll paper boy (he was kinda cute, I liked his character) didn't seem too interested in helping sometimes, was he set to fight defencively? Probably best actually, I can imagine him dying on aggressive.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, melee-flavored allies think their attacks reach 7 feet when they're really only 5 feet long. If they start to attack ranged characters they'll just sit there and stare at them. I'm hoping they fix that soon.
[ QUOTE ]
My one quip would be the final bosses power selection. I don't understand the selection. Surely Psi/Psi would fit better? There are a lot of psi powersets to choose from, including the blaster and dominator secondary. :-)
Overall I did enjoy the arc and rated it 4 stars. The actual quality of the dialogue was easily 5 stars though. Nice work!
[/ QUOTE ]
There are a lot of psi powersets, but who can deal with psi at level 20? I wanted to give his main attacks a more commonly-resisted type.
As requested, I'm going to see if that mission 4 acts any better.
Huh. Some revisions this time around. The rave has both an "Agent Johnson" and a "Special Agent Johnson". That's about twice as much Johnson as I was expecting. Also there are some glowies to frob but they're all in a side room. Weird placement quirk, I guess.
New wrinkles in the rescue mission too. When you're talking about legal agreements though it's "breach" not "breech".
Ah, finally found her. Didn't notice any patrols, but there was a Field Agent hanging out in a spawn for some reason.
----
Last mission. Interesting premise, probably going to be a pretty long slog if 45 minutes is a reasonable time. Let's see how much I need.
...why is the detective headed over to the safehouse? Aren't they hitting the hospital in force?
Aw man, this hospital. It's not your fault, but there's only one of these maps and I know it like the back of my hand because everyone uses it whenever they need a hospital.
The system text for a nurse rescue talks about rescuing "both" nurses, but a) there are 3 and b) it's going to play every one anyway.
...man, this is going to sound really anal, but no way would Roberts have access to a hospital's records after he already left it to work at some other company. Hospitals are federally mandated to be crazy about access control - if patient records leak to the public terrible things can happen. Besides, if he had credentials he could just have logged in from a remote location.
Maybe Roberts left his security jammer - a Crey enterprises product with an Atomic Healthcare sticker over the logo - jammed into the back of the machine?
---
Overall it felt like a later-level update of the Dr. Vahz arc, minus running around for one mission with a permanent RI debuff on you.
My only real complaint is the detective's dialogue. I can't offer an easy rule of thumb for it -- I just know he crams too many ideas into one sentence with no punctuation and it's tough to follow as a result, like a kitten chasing a laser pointer on a tile floor. Circuit_Boy was, I think, offering help with getting grammar in shape, so you might want to talk to him about that.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
[ QUOTE ]
Played this arc (Accidents and Emergencies) today. I enjoyed it, and rated it **** .
Liked: The contact, the plot idea and nice way it dealt with the change in emotion from the contact, Failed Experiments (they were cool). The custom faction was also pretty cool. I also liked the contact in the mission, even though he was a total aggro grabber - he seemed like the kind of contact that would do that.
Disliked: Not a lot really.
So why not 5*'s?
1: The plot hole with "The Mouth" (eaisly get aroundable - have him say he's told no-one else, get the contact to say he's put him in custody until the investigation is over).
2: There was no wow moment, or big laugh, or something to really make the leap to the head of the pack. Not an easy thing to accomplish, and if you work out how - tell me 
---
I'd appreciate you (or anyone else) having a look at Entrusted with the Other Secret - Arc ID 120462. It's a time travel adventure, with a fairly epic plot (I hope). It does contain an EB but hopefully it's soloable. If you think you have worked out the plot by looking at the list of enemy factions, you are wrong - or have some fantastic powers of guesswork.
I'm especially wondering if mission 4 is too subtle, or too obvious and if the plot as a whole is followable.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm glad you liked Detective Watson. He is a good guy really, but most people either think he is a mole or are put off when he is rude in the first 2 missions.
I've tried to plug the hole (not easy to do with Jimmy has such a big mouth but still ) by saying he will held in custody for the investigation. Jimmy wont like it, but it does gives him some ammunition for the sequel. The other part is hard to accomplish yes, my "big wow" moment is meant to be when the hospital is suddenly raided. Unfortunately its hard to make it as epic as it should be. ;-)
Suprised people have not picked up on a few references within the arc though:
Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson - Die Hard 1 anyone? ;-)
"You want miracles, I give you the F - B - I" Again Die hard 1 ;-)
"Dr. Baker" - is a reference to Tom Baker and Dr. Who, he even uses the same line used from Genisis and the Daleks where he is debating whether to destroy them or not. Although I switched "Dalek" for "paitient"
@Lycanus - That is no problem and I understand. If you ever wish for me to playtest one of your arcs just drop me a PM or something and I will gladly do what I can. :-)
@GlaziusF - thankyou for replaying my arc, I know its quite long so it is appreciated. :-)
*Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson have always been there, its actually a reference to Die Hard 1 and I quite like them as a little duo. ;-)
*The placement of glowies is indeed sucky for the rave, its either all in the final room or that side room. I've changed them to be placed at the "back" so maybe they wont all get stuck in there. We'll see.
*The hospital map is pretty iconic yeah, but I just had to use it. Both for story and because it just fits I think. ;-)
*Detective's dialogue is something that some people do bring up and I wont defend it too zealously. I will say though that it reads pretty okay for me and I can imagine someone speaking like that. I don't know if it's because I'm British or whether I just suck at grammar.
Thankyou though GlaziusF, it was very kind of you to play it through again for me. :-)
oh yes, I forgot to note all the references to things like Herbert West, Animator and Doctor Who. The Doctor enemies especially dressed like the Tom Baker doctor.
Thrythlind's Deviant Art Page
"Notice at the end, there: Arcanaville did the math and KICKED IT INTO EXISTENCE." - Ironik on the power of Arcanaville's math
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Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson - Die Hard 1 anyone? ;-)
[/ QUOTE ]
I spotted that one. Gave me a smirk.
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"You want miracles, I give you the F - B - I" Again Die hard 1 ;-)
[/ QUOTE ]
Missed that one.
[ QUOTE ]
"Dr. Baker" - is a reference to Tom Baker and Dr. Who,
[/ QUOTE ]
Got that as soon as I saw the Dr's have scarves. Also made me smile. The best Doctor in my opinion.
[ QUOTE ]
he even uses the same line used from Genisis and the Daleks where he is debating whether to destroy them or not. Although I switched "Dalek" for "paitient"
[/ QUOTE ]
I feel annoyed at missing that one, I realised it was a line the Doctor would say but didn't think it was one he did say. I dof my geek hat.
parkin - I started your arc but it is past my bedtime now so I will have to finish it tomorrow(1am..eek). I wont do a full review yet as I've only got half way through mission 2, but here is some initial thoughts all based from my own personal opinion, so take what you want from it:
Firstly, it's a neutral arc but it seems more of a heroic one to me ;-) We are trying to the save Ouroboros right?
Mission 1:
*Contact really doesn't like the player, does she? I know Watson is rough at first but she takes it to a whole new level!
*She pretty much says she is sending you to your death at mission 1 and doesn't seem to care except that she might have to clean up the mess. Pretty much the impression I got. This is why I also think it should be heroic, as Villains tend to want something in return for their help. I'm not sure you should really word it like that, since it makes you feel like an idiot for accepting the task that is going to result in your own death.
*Shock "Sarge'" I think you should just call him Shock Sergeant, doesn't seem appropriate to have an abbreviation there.
*Navi bar: "Rendezvous with Tesseact" it doesn't mention that she will meet you in the field, unless i missed that bit. Also i think it is implied that you have to search for the leaders, but the Navi bar explicitly states them, so I wasn't shocked when Alpha was not a leader.
*Clubbor doesn't really seem to fit as a leader. Alpha seems like a better candidate for me, but up to you!
*In the mission complete text it doesn't seem to read well. The contact says they learned how to damage the time stream due to me, but I'm not quite sure how that is. With the contact being inside the 1st mission and her comments, I'm not quite sure why she wants my help.
Mission 2:
*The 1st clue I found, a desk seems a bit out of place in the tech lab. I would make it a tech computer.
*Minions with status protection, Lieu's with Mercs. I can cope, but not sure everyone will enjoy it ;-)
I will finish this tomorrow!
Speaking of references, if anyone played "Theme Hospital" then they should get the "Do you think the hospital administrator is cheating?" ref ;-)
btw, have you finished the Aegis Affair yet?
Thrythlind's Deviant Art Page
"Notice at the end, there: Arcanaville did the math and KICKED IT INTO EXISTENCE." - Ironik on the power of Arcanaville's math
parkin here is some more feedback for you:
Mission 2:
*Time-Shift is pretty hard offencively. She scaled down to a boss for me on heroic difficulty making her more solo friendly. Even still she one shot me with total focus - but without defence sets she was okay once I locked her down.
Mission 3:
*The 5th comlumn base was nice to see, Tesseract was a nice help.
*Tesseract's negative attitude is very.. negative, especially at mission 3 where after doing mission 2 she pretty much accuses you of not only failing, but making things even worse. I know some people who played my arc didn't like Watson being slightly rude on mission 1 and 2, so I worry you will get some harsh feedback because of the contact. Some people are very intolerent of this unfortunately, even though it did suit her character. However I did feel it was overdone at the expense of other stuff.
*Mission 3 is an easy mission compared to others, and it feels like Tesseract is baby sitting you. Well it states that she will, which is not good for the player really.
*I get confused with time travel arcs, I will freely admit. The whole idea of being locked out of the timeline confused me and some of the general story as well, but I put it down to this.
Mission 4:
*It was good to revisit the old place. Where were Time Arrow, Alpha and clubbor?
*Finding Mender Tesseract's dead body was perhaps the best bit of the arc. Yay! ;-)
*One of the clue with regards to some goo mentioned it looked similar to "Twilight's Son". This confused me, who is Twilight's son?
*The ambush for the boss happens after he is already dead.
Mission 5:
*The base was done very well, there was a lot of fighting between 5th and council and the dialogue was also very well written to include the canon story.
*I do feel the final mission was a bit anti-climax though, you basically undo everything you previously done and never really solve the mystery of who was behind the rogue menders.
Overall I liked the arc, I have to admit I got a bit confused as to what was going on. I struggle with time travel stories anyway, but by mission 3 I didn't have a good idea as to why we were cracking the email and the whole thing about different time lines went over my head. I didn't realise we shifted time steams at first and got confused.
We find out it is rogue menders who are behind it and that Time-Shift was mender himself, but it is never really solved. Tesseract is a very negative contact the whole way through and I fear it detracts fromt he story a bit. She doesn't seem to have a good reason to dislike the hero except "I am better then you."
The custom group is good, the outfits especially I liked. The power sets could use a bit of tweaking I think but it is up to you in the end.
I enjoyed the arc though and it is very well written with a clever story. It is obvious you have put a lot of effort into the arc and the missions, I just think it could use some fine-tweaking to perfect. Taming the contact a bit so she is not so rude and a bigger finish at the end would be improvements i think.
I rated it 4 stars overall which means I liked it but could use some tinkering. I hope you take my comments in the right way :-)
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Firstly, it's a neutral arc but it seems more of a heroic one to me ;-) We are trying to the save Ouroboros right?
[/ QUOTE ]
Well - nearly all the Ouroboros arcs are hero and villain, so as this is written as an extension of that plot it made sense to be neutral; though I can definately see your point. I may put somehting in the in the initial notes to indicate it's more for people who have played a lot of the Ouroboros stuff, a lot of my clues rely on that knowledge.
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call him Shock Sergeant
[/ QUOTE ] Will do.
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Clubbor doesn't really seem to fit as a leader.
[/ QUOTE ] I'll have a think on this.
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feel like an idiot for accepting the task that is going to result in your own death
[/ QUOTE ]
I was more thinking here that Mender Tesseract thinking you would die was a total underestimation of your capabilities by her. She does it a lot.
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With the contact being inside the 1st mission and her comments, I'm not quite sure why she wants my help.
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It's the future contact, not the one near you - and she already knows she fails, because she cannot travel forward to help herself. You are the only person who can possibly change the outcome of the battle. I'll have a go at making that clearer.
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Minions with status protection
[/ QUOTE ] - really. Shazbat. I'll have a look at that - they weren't meant to.
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Mission 3:
*Tesseract's negative attitude is very.. negative, especially at mission 3 where after doing mission 2 she pretty much accuses you of not only failing, but making things even worse.
[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe I did make her a little bit too much, I'll have a look.
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*Mission 3 is an easy mission compared to others, and it feels like Tesseract is baby sitting you. Well it states that she will, which is not good for the player really.
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Her actions in this mission stuff things up worse than your's in the previous mission, not that she'd admit it of course.
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*It was good to revisit the old place. Where were Time Arrow, Alpha and clubbor?
[/ QUOTE ]
I guess my clue was too subtle here. Given who Time-shift is in this timeline those two would never side with him. The Alpha is just a standard boss, so is there if you have a large enough team.
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*Finding Mender Tesseract's dead body was perhaps the best bit of the arc. Yay! ;-)
[/ QUOTE ] Glad you enjoyed it.
[ QUOTE ]
who is Twilight's son?
[/ QUOTE ] The last peacebringer, a mender.
[ QUOTE ]
*The ambush for the boss happens after he is already dead.
[/ QUOTE ] Indeed. It's what they say that matters, the idea is that your fight with Time-Shift was a complete misunderstanding - and if fact you were on the same side. These guys arrive to do the reveal (along with the clue he drops).
[ QUOTE ]
you basically undo everything you previously done
[/ QUOTE ] pretty much - except this time you aren't dead.
[ QUOTE ]
and never really solve the mystery of who was behind the rogue menders.
[/ QUOTE ] Clues exist in this (mission 3 and 4) and the Ouroboros arcs to point you to the traitor(s), I may make a part 2 that has you tackle the traitors.
This mission was initially called time-twist and is admittedly about as complex a time travel scenario as exists in CoX. I'll have a go making it clearer what is going on, removing Clubbor would probably give me the file-space I need to do that.
[ QUOTE ]
I hope you take my comments in the right way :-)
[/ QUOTE ] The comments seemed constructive and helpful - so I hope I did too
If you some time spare and have a high level villain consider going to Ouroboros and running the pilgrim's arc, tesseract's arc and lazarus' arc. Also say hello to Twilight's sun
oh, i thought i put my name down in here.. if you could review my hero therapy arc, #119228, i will try to run yours very soon. click the link below for more info. thank you.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I'm glad you are okay with the feedback. It is only my own opinions so take them as what you will. I will gladly play it through again if you want. I might understand it more on a second pass. :-)
@Lycanus here is some feedback for The Aegis Affair:
Overall its an arc and the story starts off very well. I think it starts to lose the plot on mission 4 and 5 though which is a shame because it has a good premise. Mission 5 however is horrendous and I almost 2 star'd the arc based soley on that mission but the arc as a whole has some good ideas so I refrained from that.
Mission 1:
*This is a good mission with good dialogue. The Navi bar is much improved and it flows nicely. I still think the custom warrior is slightly off-colour compared to his comrades but that is just me.
*One thing I will add is that the arc could really use a title for each mission "The Aegis Affair" and a subtitle "Part 1: The Museum" etc, I think that would work well and you are missing a trick there.
Mission 2:
*I like this warehouse map, the atmosphere of it is great for the "find clues" mission.
*The navi bar says find 7 clues, but there is only 5 clues to find. You get credit for 2 glowies which don't give you a clue.
*The mission clue at the end which is cumulative and updated is a very nice touch. Good job! It lacks a title for mission 2 though.
Mission 3:
*The navi bar is much better, thanks. Are we to believe they are student nurses? Otherwise I don't understand the relevance of the nurse captive.
*Jane Merith's description could use some punctuation.
*The clues mention "Warrior Twins" However there is about 4 or 5 young warriors and only one actual leader
*The cumulative mission clue mentions hellions erronously I believe.
*I wrote down Terra Black for can't remember why I wrote it now ;-) *edit oh yes, she is from the custom group "Warrior Recruits" which feels odd as she is a civilion of course.
*Ambrosia is mentioned in one of the clues, but I'm not sure where or how I got that clue.
Mission 4:
*This mission seems very abstract. Why are the warriors raiding Steel Canyon? If they are after Medusae how do they know she is there? Doesn't seem to link very well into the overall story.
*Medusae has a very odd costume I think, I believe it is hinted she is Terra Black but I don't understand the angel wings.
*Again "Twins" are mentioned but there is no reference to them on the mission. There are lots of clones yes, but I wouldn't describe it as "twins."
*Perseus and his custom group all have access to fly. Why? This feels very wrong.
Mission 5:
*Again this mission is a bit abstract and no real reason is given. Suddenly the contact has just figured out everything in a moment of genius and sent you off to fix everything.
*Why a graveyard, again it makes no sense. No where is it mentioned they are working from a graveyard and the contact does not mention one in the mission brief. In fact she doesn't mention anywhere.
*Navi bar is again messy. It asks you to find 5 random objects, but for what reason? The contact asks you to rescue Medusae but does not mention wanting you to find clues. If they were optional, sure. But as mandatory objectives?
*This quite annoyed me, but the mission is full of lieutenants with no minions. It is possible it could have been full of bosses but I'm on heroic so not sure. This is rediculous and the mission one big chore. Did you even play test this? Also, while we mention cloning, it is one giant leap to go from a few clones to an entire army of over 100 clones gathered round a graveyard with no warriors at all anymore.
*I did like the way the clones got progressively harder for each mission in the arc though, as bosses.
*Perseus Incarnate must have been an elite boss which I am not sure is necessary, especially as he is surrounded by bosses/lieutenants. I think you should bump up his physique to, I just feel he should be more gladiator like and stronger, he seemed a little too weak (in appearance)
I rated it 3 stars but I was almost inclined to rate it 2 after my experience of mission 5. I don't see how you could play test it and leave it like that. Remember I am here to review arcs not play test them for you and the over riding feeling I get is that more self-testing should have been done and many of these problems would have been fixed before publishing.
I think the story IS good, especially early on but it just seems to lose focus around mission 4. One thing that is never explained is the contact's involvement. A heroic story involving a villain contact? It just seems odd and no explanation throughout.
I reccomend a whole can of polish for mission 4 and 5 and don't go overboard on the clones. I'm willing to play it again for you when you've made some changes. Sorry if this review is negative, but it wasn't a good experience!
[ QUOTE ]
oh, i thought i put my name down in here.. if you could review my hero therapy arc, #119228, i will try to run yours very soon. click the link below for more info. thank you.
[/ QUOTE ]
I will have a look at it later tonight :-)
here are the typos i found...
1st mission
in the jimmy rescue dialogue, the "I'll" is not capitalized
in the stranded text jimmy says "wont" and not "wont"
found text it says "its" and not "it's"
in the radiologist description is say "companies", shouldnt it be "companys"?
2hnd mission
the contact say he is a small cog in a large wheel... i think you mixing your things a little, small cog in a large machine or a spoke in a large wheel.
why one of he crates? odd choice... 
no comment about the new villain group? nothing? seems kind of a glaring omission unless i missed it.
3rd mission
in the clue i think it would be AH has been using...
hostage rescue text says "thankyou thankyou" and they "had my family..." does this mean his family is free?
in the phil clue after all is two words...
the wont in the last sentence of the clue is missing its '...
contact finally mentions the villains one mission too late. granted he was there...
4th mission
in the text for the computer glowy it mentions the atomic anatomy... who?
clue research paper 1 it should be contacts
captive harry says worried about our mum... maybe my mum?
final patient x text it says "thankyou"
5th mission
mission send off brief. final sentence probably should end in a ? since it is a rhetorical question...
stop atomic anatomy? who is atomic anatomy?
in rescue text for nurse bradshaw bloodshed is misspelled
ok this is a very good story arc. i ran this with level 33 A/dev blaster on heroic. i like the classic new partner dialogue and contact background. i liked the custom toons also, not too difficult and not too easy. one problem that would help make this a really good arc from a pretty good arc is that it needs to be edited and cleaned up. i have listed all the typos that i saw, and i was pretty thorough. but you have a lot of run on sentences and punctuation problems. you need someone to go through and scrub it all the way through. otherwise it is a good story with the potential for being a great story. i would give it a 3.5 if i could but i gave it 4 stars. when it is cleaned up and fully edited it may deserve more.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Cheers for the open and honest feedback, very appreciated. I will try set those straight, thanks for taking note of them :-)
As for the detectives dialogue. I may try a full rewrite or atleast a partial rewrite next week, at the moment I just have too many assignment's to focus on.
As for Andrew Meyers' being in the crate, and "Atomic Anatomy" - those are relics due to the fact the story has been updated and tinkered with a lot of times ;-) They were originally called Atomic Anatomy, but Atomic Healthcare gave the "healthcare company" feel that I wanted better.
In the sequel (when I get round to it) they will once again be Atomic Anatomy - due to the company being destroyed as a result of this campaign. It should be interesting actually, I am going to write it as a villainous arc and from the perspective of the other side and the aftermath.
Am about to go through the missions in this thread and check out some of them. I would appreciate anyone who is interested checking out mind as well:
Attack of the Monsters of Legend
Arc ID: 82060
Morality: Neutral
Brief Synopsis: Abraham Van Helsing, legendary arch-nemesis of Count Dracula, has been kept alive all these years by gypsy magics, and he's recruited you to help save the world from the reunion of a deadly triumvirate; Count Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, and the Wolfman. Dracula and Victor Frankenstein have combined their resources to raise Victor's monster and put together a plot to rid the world of costumed heroes and villains once and for all. But was there really a fourth member at the meeting between the Count, Dr. Frankenstein, and the wolfman, as Larry Talbot, his memories seen through the shrouded mystery of his alter ego, hazily recalls? There just might be more to all of this than it seems...
If you're a fan of the old Universal monster movies or just monsters in general, you should enjoy this.
My Mission Architect arcs:
Attack of the Toymenator - Arc # 207874
Attack of the Monsters of Legend - Arc # 82060
Visit Cerulean Shadow's Myspace page!
i figured those were probably artifacts from revisions. you need to do what i do... pester a friend incessantly until they go through your arc with a fine tooth comb and find all the typos and bad sentences. 
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
[ QUOTE ]
I'm glad you are okay with the feedback. It is only my own opinions so take them as what you will. I will gladly play it through again if you want. I might understand it more on a second pass. :-)
@Lycanus here is some feedback for The Aegis Affair:
Overall its an arc and the story starts off very well. I think it starts to lose the plot on mission 4 and 5 though which is a shame because it has a good premise. Mission 5 however is horrendous and I almost 2 star'd the arc based soley on that mission but the arc as a whole has some good ideas so I refrained from that.
Mission 1:
*This is a good mission with good dialogue. The Navi bar is much improved and it flows nicely. I still think the custom warrior is slightly off-colour compared to his comrades but that is just me.
*One thing I will add is that the arc could really use a title for each mission "The Aegis Affair" and a subtitle "Part 1: The Museum" etc, I think that would work well and you are missing a trick there.
Mission 2:
*I like this warehouse map, the atmosphere of it is great for the "find clues" mission.
*The navi bar says find 7 clues, but there is only 5 clues to find. You get credit for 2 glowies which don't give you a clue.
*The mission clue at the end which is cumulative and updated is a very nice touch. Good job! It lacks a title for mission 2 though.
Mission 3:
*The navi bar is much better, thanks. Are we to believe they are student nurses? Otherwise I don't understand the relevance of the nurse captive.
*Jane Merith's description could use some punctuation.
*The clues mention "Warrior Twins" However there is about 4 or 5 young warriors and only one actual leader
*The cumulative mission clue mentions hellions erronously I believe.
*I wrote down Terra Black for can't remember why I wrote it now ;-) *edit oh yes, she is from the custom group "Warrior Recruits" which feels odd as she is a civilion of course.
*Ambrosia is mentioned in one of the clues, but I'm not sure where or how I got that clue.
Mission 4:
*This mission seems very abstract. Why are the warriors raiding Steel Canyon? If they are after Medusae how do they know she is there? Doesn't seem to link very well into the overall story.
*Medusae has a very odd costume I think, I believe it is hinted she is Terra Black but I don't understand the angel wings.
*Again "Twins" are mentioned but there is no reference to them on the mission. There are lots of clones yes, but I wouldn't describe it as "twins."
*Perseus and his custom group all have access to fly. Why? This feels very wrong.
Mission 5:
*Again this mission is a bit abstract and no real reason is given. Suddenly the contact has just figured out everything in a moment of genius and sent you off to fix everything.
*Why a graveyard, again it makes no sense. No where is it mentioned they are working from a graveyard and the contact does not mention one in the mission brief. In fact she doesn't mention anywhere.
*Navi bar is again messy. It asks you to find 5 random objects, but for what reason? The contact asks you to rescue Medusae but does not mention wanting you to find clues. If they were optional, sure. But as mandatory objectives?
*This quite annoyed me, but the mission is full of lieutenants with no minions. It is possible it could have been full of bosses but I'm on heroic so not sure. This is rediculous and the mission one big chore. Did you even play test this? Also, while we mention cloning, it is one giant leap to go from a few clones to an entire army of over 100 clones gathered round a graveyard with no warriors at all anymore.
*I did like the way the clones got progressively harder for each mission in the arc though, as bosses.
*Perseus Incarnate must have been an elite boss which I am not sure is necessary, especially as he is surrounded by bosses/lieutenants. I think you should bump up his physique to, I just feel he should be more gladiator like and stronger, he seemed a little too weak (in appearance)
I rated it 3 stars but I was almost inclined to rate it 2 after my experience of mission 5. I don't see how you could play test it and leave it like that. Remember I am here to review arcs not play test them for you and the over riding feeling I get is that more self-testing should have been done and many of these problems would have been fixed before publishing.
I think the story IS good, especially early on but it just seems to lose focus around mission 4. One thing that is never explained is the contact's involvement. A heroic story involving a villain contact? It just seems odd and no explanation throughout.
I reccomend a whole can of polish for mission 4 and 5 and don't go overboard on the clones. I'm willing to play it again for you when you've made some changes. Sorry if this review is negative, but it wasn't a good experience!
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Hmm, interesting, previous reviews thought the army of clones at the end was a strong point in the arc's favor.
As for the last two, yeah, the story rushes, I've had this story in mind for a while, and the original arc was about 10/12 missions long and condensing it has left me a bit...
But, I've been told by many that they liked it and it was verging on 5 stars if I just cleaned up a few things.
My guess is that their opinion and yours differ on what makes a five star.
They might have a firmer background in heavy myth, for example...they also didn't like the bits of comedy I originally had in there...said in distracted from the mood, so you didn't get to see the "Jail Bait" comments in reference to Medusa.
The last review encouraged me to add more clues to the beginning of the mission.
As for Med, she's one of my characters...she is supposed to be a descendant of the original Medusa and the current bearer of the power and title.
Explaining the wings: It's a mythos reference. Medusa is supposed to have bronze or brass wings, and if you go to the pre-Greek versions (where she was a Goddess), she was representative transformation as well, so I tend to portray her with varying types of wings dependent on the situation.
As for surprise clues...I've often found that a problem...either I miss the flash "Clues Found" or I'm in a fight while it pops or whatever and when I go back to the clues folder I have stuff I can't remember where it came from.
Unfortunately, not much I could do for that, save try to condense the description enough to add a sentence stating where you got the clue.
Btw, I've already reduced the number of patrols as per earlier requests.
Thrythlind's Deviant Art Page
"Notice at the end, there: Arcanaville did the math and KICKED IT INTO EXISTENCE." - Ironik on the power of Arcanaville's math
Just wanted to say I have not abandoned this thread, I just havent had chance to play much because of a uni assignment. So apologies :-)
Arc: Hero Therapy! (TM) -
ID: 119228
Summary: Very good arc, very atmospheric and a clever plot. Much credit to the author for how well it is written and the variety of mobs used within the arc, all of which were supported with appropriate text. I very much enjoyed the way the arc grows with each mission, each one gradually increasing the level range and portraying a different part of your characters history. Another thing I enjoyed is the way your therapist follows you throughout the mission, it is a nice touch.
The minor criticisms of the arc would be its lack of written clues. There are lots of detail in the form of glowies, bosses, patrols, ambushes, destructablies - but not a single clue. This is not quite so bad because everything is fully explained and it could be argued the way the missions are told, that they are some form of therapy, clues are not really needed. The other criticism is a minor bug with 1 or 2 carnies in mission 3 but I've discussed with the author already. :-)
Mission 1,
The mission brief is very well done and explains perfectly what is going to happen. I must say this arc is a good demonstration of the creative use of MA and the variety of what it can achieve. The mission is set in the midnighters club, portrayed as a library I think. The atmosphere is very good and suits the story of it being a dream. This is a difficult thing to achieve so full credit.
I liked the variety of mobs and I liked how the mission is aimed at your lvl 1-20 experiences. I have to admit I wasn't too keen on your custom enemies. There was nothing wrong with them but I didn't feel like they added much to any of the missions. I almost wonder if the arc would be better without the little dream people but that is your discretion.
In mission 4 you had a custom group called "Random Encounters" which picked up mobs from a variety of groups randomly. I wonder if a custom group that included a variety of 1-20 mobs would be better? Just an idea of mine. Also "Steel that you lack", I'm still not sure how much I liked him. ;-)
Mission 2,
Again the author sets the atmosphere perfectly with a creepy abandoned hospital. There is a lot of detail and encounters here, however I have to admit the amount of glowies did start to annoy me as I was on a mission to click them all but quickly gaveup. Because of the map, they can often be hiding behind pieces of scenery so hunting them can get tedious. The mission ending text did explain the reason for the quantity, but I still feel they could be quite happily halved.
The little nightmare ambush is very well done. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but because of the way they all have kinetics, they can quite quickly overwhelm you with triple stacking of siphon powers and siphon speeds. They were a fun addition and kept me on my toes. Vanity was also very well portayed I thought, and I liked the fact the boss you previously defeated became your ally in the next mission, good touch!
Mission 3,
Again, love the atmosphere with the unique mission sets. Things got interesting here with different hostages. I have to admit the final boss was unexpectedly difficult and before I knew it all my allies were dead. The fire shields secondary also made the little girl quite tough and resistant to my mezzes, but I overcame it without the use of inspirations, so the question of whether she is too difficult or a good challenge I will leave to you. The carnies that were bugged I managed to avoid quite easily.
Mission 4,
A suitable finale for the arc. A lot more of your history is turned up here and I would advise caution with some of the content. The more general it is, the more likely it will be atleast partially applicable to everyone. I really liked the random encounters group, how did you do it?
The final boss was tough, but with the help of my allies I found him less difficult then the previous one. Though this is partially because I have tools like confuse to make his phantoms effectively my phantoms etc, and not to do with the boss itself. I noticed a minor error with the Steel encounter, it seemed like Steel's line was spoken by one of his captives.
Overall I really enjoyed the arc, and the minor quips I had did not take away from that enjoyment. The mission briefs were all excellently written, as was the content. It had many interesting ideas such as each mission gradually fighting a higher level foe and the fact that each time you overcame an issue, the previous boss became your new ally. You resisted the temptation to make the allies cumulative also which is good I think. Therapist, librarian, vanaity and shame all as allies by the final mission would have been too much.
There wasn't a lot that I didn't like. I enjoy psychology as well but again, I do not hide the fact this is just my subjective opinion. :-)
Rating: 5 stars.
thank you for the in-depth review. it is greatly appreciated.
the clue thing has been mentioned at several times. the problem is that i have no room whatsoever. the level of details that i put in prevent that. besides i have no idea what i would put in the clues that is not already covered in depth by the briefs and debriefs.
the carnies are a bug. they are appear at a lower level for villains than for heroes. or is it vice versa? i have to fix that yet again. i put it back because i moved something else and i forgot.
my secret with the random encounters is... *drum roll* they are the high level reflections enemy group. i just made the group and stocked them with random minion, LTs and bosses. they are quite a diverse bunch of the high level enemies groups with a ghostly aura.
i love my little nightmares... once they siphon speed they are a sight to see... sometimes they siphon of a battle before they attack, so all you see is a silver flash before they hit...
i did turn down the number of glowies in the second mission, but when i ran it i missed them. i like the futility of either searching for them all or having to listen to their constant sound. so i put the number higher again.
some people do not like the therapist following them around. but he is unnecessary once you find him, since he is the trigger but a non combatant. i find it amusing that people will go back and get him if he gets lost... i do it all the time, even if i have to turn my stealth off. which cracks me up. there are levels of psychology that i did not imagine until i started getting feedback from people.
but anyway... thank you for your play and your review.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I agree with you about the clues, I don't think the lack of them is too detrimental they would just be a nice touch. Intesting about the random encounters group, I was very curious.. good to know :-)
So, any more takers?:-)
Arc Name: The Lost Choir: Chapter One: The Old Testament.
Arc ID: 123675
Factions: Tuatha, Rikti, Rularuu, Custom group.
Creator Global/Forum Name: @MrSquid
Difficulty Level: Moderate. Contains 2 AV's, but a fair amount of help for them too
Synopsis: This is essentially a combination of Christian Mythos and the classic "cosmic horror" story. The first part is probably the most slow paced, with a lot of unanswered questions.
Level Range: Intended for 45+, but you could get away with 30 plus
Arc Name: The Lost Choir: Part Two: The New Testament.
Arc ID: 136959
Factions: Ritki, Custom Group.
Creator Global/Forum Name: @MrSquid
Difficulty Level: Moderate-easy. Only one AV this time around, and once again, I give you help with him.
Synopsis: Part two is much faster paced then part one, and most of the questions brought up in part one are answered.
Level Range: Intended for 45+, but you could get away with 30 plus
Arc Name: The Lost Choir: Chapter Three: Apocrypha.
Arc ID: 141011
Factions: A bunch, mostly customs.
Creator Global/Forum Name: @MrSquid
Difficulty Level: Hard. One AV, but its a doozy. I still give you plenty of help though.
Synopsis: Part 3 is only one mission long, mainly being the climactic final boss fight.
Level Range: Intended for 45+, but you could get away with 30 plus
Feel free to review these seperatley, but remember that they all constitute one big story. If you are going to review them seperately, at least review them in order. Thanks!
I feel kind of bad for dropping this eleven mission behemoth on you, so I will only ask you to play through part one. I hope however, you will find the story interesting enough to continue on to parts two and 3.
I will do my best to play all 3 Mr. Squid, I should have a review written wednesday :-)
I hope you enjoy my arc, it has gone through several revisions and in my opinion looks shinier then ever :-)
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I decided to do "The Aegis Affair"
It's in my level range, so seemed like a good choice. :-)
I'm going to try review more by mission, and type it while playing so I can give better feedback.
Mission 1
Starting text is good, it hints to something bigger. Curiously no use of title or subtitle though. You should definity think about including that. Also highlighting a key line of text is nice too I think, but I am a perfectionist!
"2 Display Case" - could probably jazz up this navi bar text. Also the ambush was a little tough I thought, but my difficulty wasn't on heroic for this.
I liked the fact they mention Odysseus, good tie in. However theres a lot of patrols so there was a lot of spam when going to the 2nd floor.
Custom Boss: Was his names the wrong way round? He was called Young Warrior from the faction of Perseus. Colour wise he looked a bit out of shade, perhaps make him darker green or something.
Mission 2:
Intro text seems very brief to me, I think you could offer more explanation here but maybe that is just me.
The nav bar could use some work, at the moment it looks like "1 Crate, 1 Book, 2 Desk, 1 Desks, 1 Laptop" Perhaps group it together as "# Clues to find" under plural. In my experience if you put "Clues to find" for every clue as plural, they will group together nicely.
Some of the action bars didn't have text on them. The clues are well written and start is getting quite interesting. I love mythology. I do think perhaps you could have a smaller warehouse with fewer clues however.
Mission 3:
First time I've played on the carnival map, its a great way of introducing the students I think.
The student nurse is called "nurses" I'm sure she should hahve a name or title. Navi bar txt again could use a lot of work.
"goth girls" and "popular girls" you should really capitilize thir names. Also I'm just wondering if you could use a normal civilion female and cycle through till you get the look you want. You chose the WSPDR reporter as your popular girl, but it comes with a dodgy tag. Just a thought.
** Couldn't play anymore, it's bank holiday weekend in the UK and I'm off to my mothers. I hope you don't find my review too critical, its meant to help you is all :-)
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No problem, this is a direct recopy from an arc I had in test and after I did some changes. there used to be 3 each of all the generic hostages in the third mission, hence the plural names...think I will go in and make them more unique.
This was also my first or second arc written, so sounds like my last remake produced mistakes/things that I should have considered.
As for Young Warrior/Perseus, really, I should change the group name, because it gives some information away.
Thrythlind's Deviant Art Page
"Notice at the end, there: Arcanaville did the math and KICKED IT INTO EXISTENCE." - Ironik on the power of Arcanaville's math