I read the first few paragraphs and skimmed the rest. I am going to read the rest in more detail later.
Basically, it isnt an origin story.
The first couple of paragraphs, how she came to primal earth and how she lost most of her powers is the origin story.
The rest of it isnt an origin. Its more like Gata's adventures.
She ventures off and gains different powers through one adventure after another. She has short stays going into the Vampire world and the undead cultures.
Those are all story archs on her path. Ones that you sum as origins and therefore they lose there attraction.
I'd recommend simply getting rid of most of what you wrote after the end of her real origin and the rest you expound upon and make into stories of her adventures.
I can imagine this character pretty well. At least what I believe you are going for. I can imagine this once angelic figure, trapped here on earth, going undercover to vampire nightclubs or witch covens or whatever trying to find more powers, while each issue of the comic book or each episode of the series she solves another crime or mystery or saves another person all along the way of finding the answers she seeks.
So yeah, again. This isnt at all an origin story past about the seventh paragraph. Once you start talking about the gods and whatnots seems like a summed up episode or issue plot.
As far as the stories themsevles goes, I think they are really great ideas. You have some cool ideas for where you want your character to go and the types of things she does but so far they are only ideas and basics.
They are really good and I hope you actually fully develop them and write them into full stories cuz I would definatly read em. 
But yeah to sum up, good backbones for stories and great ideas, and all of that isnt 16 bios or one or whatever, its 1 at the very beginning (about the first 7 paragraphs at the most) and the rest are some of her adventures and key plot points in the story of Gata the superhero.
Hope this helps and if youd like more or have spacific questions, let me know.
-Sin Stalker
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Storylines:
Introductions, Obey,
Hmmm yeah I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. : )
Now I haven't read it yet (though I did take a glance, does look like some good reading, which I"ll do late today at work), but I think origin stories that also include some of those early 'adventures' about discovering her powers, or figuring out how she became what she is, is all part of the origin. Especially if as you say she goes through these adventures, gaining more and different powers, that's all new origins for those powers.
Sorry I like to be argumentative
But looks good Gata I am definitely going to bookmark it and read later today !
I'll come back with further opinion.
Eh, yes and no.
If you look at any superhero the origin story is the beginning.
Batman: as Bruce Wayne has his parents killed infront of him. He then goes on lots of adventures, learning martial arts, detective work and all those skills he gets. Finally he returns to Gotham and then the bat flys in the window and he get the idea about Batman and there you go.
Superman: his planet is dieing, his parents send him off, he comes to earth and is adopted by two great people. He has lots of grand adventures figuring out his powers and whatnot is his teens. He then travels the world finding out who he is and saving people and finally he returns home to the USA and eventually goes to Metropolis. Finding bad guy stuff going on, he gets his costume from his Ma' out of some of the old material and/or the S from his homeworld and he fights crime.
Spiderman: He loses his parents and lives with his aunt and uncle, finally one day he is bitten by a radioactive spider and has some great adventures figuring out how his powers work. He becomes a wrestler and other stuff (uncle ben's death) happens until he finally makes the webshooters and dawns his costume(not as a wrestler but) a crime fighter.
I could keep going on but every origin story has those adventures but they stop once they start the costumed heroing.
ITs obvious by Gata's story that she becomes a hero in paragon around the seventh chapter or so when she dawns the name new name and also gives the reasons why she is weaker than before (a norm for people entering Paragon as you start at lvl 1 with only 2 powers).
Now if you want to argue further then I guess you could say for the past 50ish years, every story of spiderman has been part of his origin story as in the last few years his powers advanced more and got these claw thingys.
You could say Supermans still in his origin stage since he is gaining new powers or then short stint while he was all electricy was apart of it.
You say Batman still is today since he is taking on newer and newer tech and gadgets.
There is a cut-off where the origin is and when the stories begin(although even the origin is a story on itself and 99% of the time is is multiple stories) and that cut-off is once they dawn there new persona and fight crime as this person.
Gata hits around the seventh chapter.
I like to argue too but only when I can sit presidence. Hmm... maybe I should be a lawyer lol.
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Storylines:
Introductions, Obey,
You do seem to like to argue
It starts off well -- that first paragraph is really good. It reads a lot like an excellent bio one might see in the game. But then it gets weird.
Honestly, I got a bit lost as to what was going on in the middle. Sentences like this, "Making her escape she fled for her life, and in her egress she was became pursued by ninjas of a things," don't help that.
The mention of Icon at the very beginning threw me, as well. It wasn't until I read your comment at the bottom that I understood what that was about.
You know what this reminds me of, is the "Try to account for everything that's happened over the last 43 years" superhero summaries one reads about classic Marvel or DC characters. Fitting in every single story by each author who brought something new to the character becomes quite a challenge and is something that I don't find terribly rewarding.
My biggest piece of advice is to simplify everything here. Take out as much as you can without losing the underlying thread.
The Alt Alphabet ~ OPC: Other People's Characters ~ Terrific Screenshots of Cool ~ Superhero Fiction
I agree with Ironik. The line about Icon seemed out of place, however, a minor point. The whole thing is quite long to read if you are just going for a bio. There are some sentences that don't flow right or could just use a little bit of editing for clarity and such.
If you want to break this down into a game bio for your main character then I agree with the others, the beginning is it. Nothing more is really needed to add this in the game bio section. And the rest can be broken down for each character with just a transitional line or two.
As an outside of game (something that won't fit into the tiny bio game space) story just editing is needed. Sometimes less is more and I know how hard that can be. I'm wordy myself and it's a challenge to break things down.
[ QUOTE ]
You know what this reminds me of, is the "Try to account for everything that's happened over the last 43 years" superhero summaries one reads about classic Marvel or DC characters. Fitting in every single story by each author who brought something new to the character becomes quite a challenge and is something that I don't find terribly rewarding.
My biggest piece of advice is to simplify everything here. Take out as much as you can without losing the underlying thread.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thats what I ment.
Anyways, I have a question Gata. Is this character a singel character or a characted you created several times ingame with different powers after you hit lvl 50 with them?
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Storylines:
Introductions, Obey,
*GASP* Why would anyone do that????
*quickly hides my EIGHT versions of Rowr*
Well, for those of you hat are so kind (<3 Vosotros =^.^=) as to help me edit my bio, let me give you the true life story of how Gata came to be (trust me this won't be as long).
So, my roommate in college was playing CoH and he asked if I wanted to try it out. Well, this was my first MMO and first exposure to comicbook culture, so it was new and intriguing.
Well, at first, I wasn't really taking charcater creation seriously, so I made a catgirl with the least amount of clothes... and red, cause it's the color of disire. I took Mind Control because it had the power Dominate >
and I took empathy cause I thought I'd enjoy being the 'healer'. Now the name... "Red Cat" [Name has been taken]... hmm... well, I'm taking spanish: "Gata Roja", and Gata was born.
Now this was on my friend's account so I had to get my own account, but what would I fill it with? Oh, I know! A cat of nine lives needs nine toons and I went through all the builds I thought I might be interested in and started making a Gata of every color and shade leaving place holder toons for my eventual Khelds.
When CoV came out I decided that I would make one villain on my friends account and the four slots left on my acount to make a villain of every origin and AT (this was when Origin start powers were new) I had a previous alias of JadeWolf so I went with Loba for the nemisis to Gata.
So, yeah, as many have pointed out this is like a "what's happened in the last 43 years" approch to my bio. At first each Gata only had a power set and color to define her, but as I played each of them I started making costumes and more elaborate stories for them. But even still, these stories are still kinda slim. Also, I think I was trying to make excuses for bad costumes, that might be why that Icon part seems out of place.
And thanks for any and all feed back, I bet awkward sentences might have slipped in, I swear, I proofread it first. It's a work in progress as always, and I'm always trying to improve it. For those of you that think shorter is better I've got my old V2 which was desinged to have each "chapter" fit inside the bio box. This is my V3 version which didn't try to fit into nine bio spaces. I'll link it in my OP too.
Nine Lives of Gata V2
Ignoring Rowrsies strange comments to everything I say...
Gata, I think you have a basis for a good story here but personally I am not a fan at all of these 43 year summed up things. I usually find it a struggle and only read such things because I am forcing myself too so I can know whats going on in the current series I am invested in.
I'd love to see these in stories though, which is why my advance and desire would be to see this as several short or long stories.
Gata on her adventure into the vampire world, Gata against the lesser god, etc, etc.
I would read it in an instant if it was there with a developed plot, a caste of characters and all that good stuff.
I enjoy your ideas but unfortuanly thats all this is for now because I have to force myself to read through it and I hate that I have to.
If it sounds bad, I am sorry, I am just being truthful. I think these are some awesome story ideas and again *almost begging at this point* would love to read them in seperate long or short stories. I really hope to see that.
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Storylines:
Introductions, Obey,
Well, honestly half the ideas come from some random costume I made for that character. There are no greater stories hidden behind the allusions I have created. I also don't know if I'd be a good enough of a story teller to keep the reader engaged.
I do hope to nuture these little nuggets of story to hopefully support a series of short stories. I just don't have the mind for details, grand sweeping summarizations is how I think.
It didn't feel as long when I created it, actually I have trouble meeting the max of written assignments and I look back to see ten pages! Of course that spans 16 characters, but I don't normally write that much.
*Necro Post*
I've updated my "short" bios, these bios are supposed to fit inside the bio box for that character. So, each iteration of Gata should have her own bio, so I hope this version of my bios is more readable.
Nine Lives of Gata
Okay, so I've been working on my Bio for my character Gata, well technically it's like 16 bios in one. I don't know how I should break it up since the bio for each toon isn't very long, but put them all together it's like 10 pages.
It's where most of my creativity goes so if anyone could spare the time, I'd love a critque on it. Also If anyone knows a good way to break it down so it might be easier to read, let me know.
If you don't have the time or energy to read it, then if you have any suggestions about making bios please feel free to put that here and I'll take it into consideration.
Nine Lives of Gata V3
And for my old [u]shorter[u] version
Nine Lives of Gata V2