I didn't have a lot to say about it, other than that it looked really well thought out, and it sounds like a fun character concept to work through! I hope you have a lot of fun!
very well written. keep going, you have something good here.
Thanks alot guys!
I've been working on his personality for a long time (since I started him) but I could't really set anything into stone... so to speak. Writing this character history has REALLY helped me alot.
Thanks for the feedback!
Cheers!
Xavier_laurence
i think you should write more about him and his adventure, make this origin story turn into a bigger story, that'd really help with is personality development.
((Ruby's character story is that of her parent's divorce, the pain she went through as an adolescent dealing with a mother who was an executive and a father who was a firefighter, and the loss of her to a terminal illnessa and her father to his vices and, ultimately, to murder. And that's just the beginning of the story... look for her continuing saga here exclusively.))
(I will do one of these for each of the characters I have written one for)
The Creation of a Nucleus
He locked me in, Dr. Adams thought, left me to die.
Dr. Robert Adams had been a child prodigy, well on his way to earning a Nobel Peace Prize for his studies and contributions to nuclear physics. He graduated high school by twelve, had his bachelor's at fourteen, and a docotrate in nuclear physics by eighteen.
The government wanted him badly, be it the Navy's nuclear department, the air force's weapons facilities, even DARPA and Los Alamos were banging on his door. Dr. Adams didn't want any part of it - he wanted to do his research for the better of humanity, not the destruction of it.
I could have discovered cold fusion. I was close. Now it's all over.
Working on a government grant, Dr. Adams set up a laboratory at the nuclear power plant in San Onofre, California with his partner, Dr. Julio Alvarez. Dr. Alvarez was smart, but he always felt a sharp jealousy towards the much younger Dr. Adams. Dr. Alvarez was almost 45 with nothing to show but a few minor articles printed in various science publications.
Furthermore, he knew Dr. Robert Adams was close to discovering cold fusion, and he was ready to sell those secrets to the highest bidder - but he had to do away with Dr. Adams first. Setting up an "accident" at the power plant would be the best way.
And so it was that Dr. Adams found himself locked in his lab, surrounded by his various chemical and nuclear experiments and notes, as the alarms went off, indicating a radioactive metldown.
Dr. Alvarez had laughed as he sealed the vault door to the lab, but just as the door sealed shut, his laughter turned to into a shriek. The emergency door had sealed him in as well, stuck between the vault and safety - he had doomed himself as well.
And now, cold fusion may never be realized.
When the reactor detonated, the safety measures at San Onofre contained the blast to the lab and a few surrounding areas. There were only two reported casualities, although bodies of niehter Dr. Adams or Dr. Alvarez were ever discovered.
***
It was in those last moments that I took cover under my experiment table. It seemed foolish at the time, reminiscent of the 'duck and cover' exercises children were subjected to in the 50's, but I'm glad I did it. I had had the desk lined with lead, which didn't stop the hundreds of chemicals and radioactive material from falling un me, but it seems to have filtered much of the blast.
My NBC suit was ruined, of course, but here I am, alive, and endowed with the most wonderful powers. I lost my notes, and I can't remember my formulas - but now I can help mankind in another way. Now, I can fight back villainy and find and defeat my archnemesis, Dr. Alvarez - Dr. Moribund.
Mini Origins
N1N-J4
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Yoshi Morimoto was a birlliant engineer from Japan, and an expert in robotic technologies. When the United Mars Corporation asked him to build them mining droids and other utility robots, he jumped at the chance to utilize their facilities for his own dream - a hero without emotion, loyal only to his preprogrammed code of ethics and not subject to greed or envy.
During the day, Morimoto designed and constructed mining robots, serving robots, and all sort of other droids. At night, when most of his staff had left, he began building his prototype, the N1N model robot. It took several attempts before getting a working model, one that was satisfactory in skill and ability. Prototype J4 was operational.
Unfortunately, UMCorp did not take kindly to Morimoto working on his own robots in their facilities. The referenced his contract as an employee, and dictated that the robot, N1N-J4 belonged to them. No matter, they said, we will let you continue. However, you must build us an army of them.
So Morimoto sent his N1N-J4 bot to Paragon City for beta testing. The data he gathers helps him tweak and modify the programming, setting up his factory for the N.I.N.J.A. Project, the Notably Intelligent Network of Judo Androids.
The only glitch he hasn't worked out, yet, is N1N-J4's affinity for Styx.
***
Super Rabbi
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Yacob Benslomo was an ordinary boy, growing up in orthodox Lakewood, New Jersey. He went to the synagogue three times a week, prayed over every meal, followed all the laws and commandments of God. At his Bar Mitzvah, he announced he wished to attend rabbinical school so he may teach the way of his people as he had been taught.
A devout student, Rabbi Benslomo discover Kabbala at the age of 40, the mystical side of judaism. It was through hard study and reflection that the rabbi learned of the true power available to him through his faith - the ability to heal his fellow man.
Turning his psionic and healing abilities to everyone's advantage, he left for Rhode Island to find others he could share his gift with, both Jew and Gentile.
***
Soviet Commando
-------------------------
Sergei Yevgeniyovich Borodin was a hard man, a devout follower of Stalinistic communism. he was a hero in the Afghani uprising, and a trained professional, a member of the Soviet Union's elite Spetsnaz.
On a cold winter day, far into the Ukraine, Sergei came across a strange site: men in strange robes, oddly reminiscent of the Russian Orthodox Church, chanting in a circle around a green smoke, a small woman trapped inside.
Religion, being the opiate of the masses, had been all buy destroyed in the USSR, and as an elite commando and member of the Communist Party, Sergei Yevgeniyovich felt it his duty to save this woman. As he approached, the chanters turned and chanted something at him. He felt dizzy, nauseous.....
...When he awoke, he found he was in the United States, somewhere called Paragon City. He discovered that many years had passed, and that since then, the Soviet Union he so loved had fallen and crumbled.
Instilled with a sense of pride over the villainy of this mages, he took it upon himself to fight back the tyranny (however ironic that may be) and fight for justice, so that some day all of mankind may live in equal harmony according to their needs and ability.
(P.S. This is fun)
The Birth of a Super Hero....
"Mom...Dad...?" Words spoken from a scared child, a child who in a brief moment lost everything that ever held any importance to him, a child who in the blink of an eye, lost his entire life. He knelt in the muddy road, his knees soaked in a mixture of blood and dirt, the blood of his parents. Why couldn't they stay inside today? Why did they have to go into the village to trade? Why didn't they kill me too? All questions that ran through this frightened child's head.
He gripped his mothers shirt and lifted her off the ground, and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a tight squeeze, tears soaking his cheeks, how could they do this to him, how could they take away his Mother? And his Father! Why him too? Why was life so cruel...why are humans...so ugly?
Yun awoke, a top a building in the center of Kings Row, drenched in sweat, another nightmare, the same nightmare, he had been having for the last hundred years, the nightmare of how he lost his parents, and gained his curse. He closed his eyes, and slept back into subconsciousness, where his nightmare continued.
"You have nothing left!" A powerful voice echoed through Yuns head, with such a terrible force that it forced the small boy to shutter and squint as it spoke these words, which held so much truth behind them.
"I can give you something back!" It baited, and Yun, being only a child, latched on, automatically assuming he meant his parents, but the voice, this powerful being had something else in mind.
"All you have to do is lend me your body, and I will grant you the power to undo that which has been done..." A lie, and Yun knew it now, he no longer felt empty and alone, his heart, in its moment of weakness allowed this super natural being to inhabit his body, the source of Yuns power, an Earth borne Demon.
The voice in Yuns head chuckled, and its laughter permanantly etched itself into Yuns skull, where it would forever remain. From that day on, Yun would become a tormented Anti-Hero, and drop off the face of the Earth.
But he resurfaced, after World War II, on the different islands where he engaged in combat with many American heroes. Who were these mysterous heroes, and how could they weld such great powers? The aftermath of Captian Volcanos death and the dissappearance of The Lord of Frost sent Yun back into his self invoked slumber, where he would sleep...for the next fifty-six years.
Yun awoke again, this time in day light, he slowly rose to his feet and dusted off his magical armor. He took a quick glance to his right and then to his left, and then leapt off the top of the building he stood on to the next in front of him, and then to the one after that, until he reached the tram service, next stop, Paragon City Hero Registration.
The lady doing registration gave Yun a quick glance over, and held a skeptical look as she spoke to him, and he skepticism was well warranted, the glowing green eyes, jutting spikes around his arms, shoulders, and his legs, and the pointed tail, not to mention the black and dark green armor he wore didn't paint the most friendliest picture.
"Name and super powers?" She asked in a not so friendly tone, it seemed she got a lot of would be heroes, and that was what she thought of him.
"Yun, and I have been granted power over the Earth." Yun responded, in the same cold callous tone he always spoke with.
"Oh so you are a controller?" She quickly assumed, and this brought a raised brow from Yuns direction. His response on the other hand quickly set her straight, as he crumpled some dirt off of his glove by clenching his fist, and then he reached out for it, the falling debris quickly shaping itself in to a magnificent hammer made of solid stone.
"Tanker than..."
Mine ended up way too long to post here (weighing in at 11,328 words), but you can click on "Birth of a Hero: Nightprowl" in my signature if you want to read it. Here's what I wrote in the 'background' section of my character (paraphrasing, as I don't have the exact text on hand):
Alienated when her then recently grown tail was discovered during a championship soccer match, Cathy Watts became an angry and rebellious teenager. When the Rikti invaded she did nothing, thinking the 'normals' were probably just getting what was coming to them. Only later did she learn that her best friend, the only girl in school who accepted her mutation, had died at the hands of the Rikti. She now dons the mask of Nightprowl, helping where she can.
These are great stories guys! Kepp up the good work... I'm starting to write ongoing adventures for my character so keep an eye on this thread 
Feel free to share more about your characters too! I love hearing about them!
Cheers!
Name: Gwyn Sweetwater
Alias: First Responder
Age 27
Occupation:
Paragon City employee
Registered hero
Gwyn Sweetwater, works as a research assistant for Paragon Citys advance technology department, emergency services division. Hired on during the integration of Portal Corps. teleportation system with the hospitals advance medical regeneration technology. Gwyn was excited about her new work and how she was able to do her part in keeping the city safe.
While she was working at the cities hospitals she noticed how many heroes fell each day tiring to save the city and its citizens. Even though the new system healed he heroes physically, the emotional scares of failing to save a citizen life or stopping an enemy plot, could never be healed by the new system. To many times did she hear if only come out of the mouths of he recently fallen heroes.
Gwyn, soon realized that there was a greater need of the healing power of the cities hospitals within the field. Someone was needed to keep the heroes healthy enough to finish their missions, and save the day. So with the help of the other research scientist, Dr. Sweetwater was able to miniaturize portions of the healing technology used in city hospitals, and tapped into Portal Corps. teleportation system. With her new found technology and her expert skills, Gwyn assumed the identity of "First Responder".
It's 5am EST. I've been up all night editing and re-writing.
Here is the origin of my character, Darqueheart. Please, tell me what you think.
Thanks!
__________________________________________________ _
Darquehearts Story
------------------------
Twenty-Six minutes... A choking scream. Darqueheart awakes with a start, obsidian black surrounding him. Innately, his infrared sensors compensate. It is the Lab. He is still theirs. The Major is dead.
Cables and sensors cover him; monitors display his every bio-function. Twenty-six minutes... rings in his head again, a faded memory of a faded man. The lights erupt as the scientist enters, sensors compensate again. The same emotionless voice interrupts his thoughts. Ahh, your sleep-cycle has ended. Let us resume the testing then.
The Ritki. Thats what The Major had called them. Everyone else had called them Master.
He was ordered to stay hiding. He wasnt good at following orders. In retrospect, the patrol had looked almost as shocked as he did when they found him. Normally hed be dead - the Masters didnt tolerate free-range humans - but he wasnt quite human. Yes, the Ritki were more than interested in that fact.
You are quite a remarkable young life form. Your cellular mutation, if I may say, is simply astonishing. There was almost emotion there. The truth was, the Ritki wanted his ability. They had never seen someone who grew an epidermis of bio-metal and fibre. They wanted to know how he managed to adapt to any situation they placed him in. To be truthful, he wanted to know too. It was all natural to him, hed never questioned the facts before.
He perked up as he felt it: a dulling of his mind, he felt his consciousness slip. Slumber.
Twenty-six minutes That familiar choking gasp. Our defenses never stood a chance Brief, ragged coughing. against their second wave.
The Major was the only one of them whod been there to see it, and he was only a child then. The Ritki had sent a scouting party to investigate a tiny blue speck. The resources found - and the destruction caused - by that small reconnaissance party told them of a planet ripe for the picking. Earth had barely fought off that first wave. When the Ritki Armada arrived Earths defenses crumbled. In twenty-six minutes the leaders of men fell to their knees and were obliterated. Earth became the new Ritki homeworld.
The whirring of the scientists scanner brings Darqueheart out of his reverie. More DNA scanning must be done. Remain still. He waits for the familiar pressure in his head that keeps him from moving only it never comes. The bolts slide back, his body is freed. A fist slams home - sending the Ritki skittering across the floor.
Run.
Synapse and motor become one, his bio-mechanoid body leaps into action and no door can stop him. A room flies past, his feet clanking down the metal hallway. Somewhere his sensors register the sound of klaxons blaring; Soldiers gearing up.
He knows he cant stop, they will catch him. A crackle of energy to his right. Quickly shifting his weight, his hulking body groans in protest - but accommodates - as he swings around the corner onto a balcony. His legs seize and he skids to a halt.
An army. An army of Ritki soldiers standing before a crackling portal, some other world visible on the other side. Without a thought his legs activate again, leaping off the balcony. Laser fire rings past his aural sensors, electrical devices shower him with sparks and flame. The portal starts to fade. STOP the command rings in his mind. For once his mind rebukes the emotionless voice.
NO!
One final compression of his bio-hydraulics sends him sailing into the air and through the diminishing, crackling field. The sounds of explosions and Ritki screams echo in his memory as his body collides with the soft, fertile earth.
The crackling ceases and he looks up, green grass and blue sky greet him. It is a strange vision, for he has never seen anything like it before. In the distance some sort of settlement breaks the horizon line. As he stands, a poly-fibre board greets him in cheerful white text:
Welcome To Paragon City!
Written By Brandon Laraby
Aka. Darqueheart on Virtue Server