rbfalife

Holy...That came out too good lol.

I definetly liked the effects put into it. Not sure what her character looks like, but it sure comes close to what I imagined. Good Job and Keep up the good work!

Awesome!

Wow this looks awesome.

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My altitis has become really out of control...I really need to have about 20 slots on Champion to fill that need


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Here ya go! More Slots

I find it interesting that people still manage to complain about this kind of thing. They need to open there eyes and see that CoH doesn't have to offer half of the things they do. I mean 3 new issues every year...while other games you have to purchase it. Also, they said this was pretty small compared to i13, so instead of complaining enjoy it and wait for the next "bigger" upgrades soon to come.

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Think they'll have Super Strength and Energy Melee for Scrappers? I would love that.

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Doubt it but would be awesome!

*Mouth drops* Oh...My...this...will...be....awesome...How...Do.. .They...Expect...to...top...this...off...with...Is sue...13...and...beyond.
*Faints*

Wow, my mouth just dropped when I saw this. I am so excited about this because now I can play CoV without being totally disguised by the weakness. Also I want to try out these new Villian ATs, seem like they will be a blast.

Yay for new badges....hopefully?

Wow I really like it!

Wow nice!

Well here is my very first writting complete:

http://<a href="http://i65.photobuck...nGenie.jpg</a>

The slight breeze on the beach felt relaxing to Crystal as she sat down on the small beads of sand. Her eyes glanced around and caught no one in plain view. She was astonished that no one would come on the beach this beautiful evening and watch the sunset bestow into the water. She shrugged and shifted her view back to the sunset and watched it starting to sink lower into the ocean blue. Its beautifully bright rays of light made the ripples in the ocean glisten a golden color that looked majestic enough to hypnotize anyone who watched it. She had never seen something so beautiful in her entire life, until now. For some strange reason, today she seemed connected to it, almost a part of it.

She looked around again, but again no one was in view. However, an object that glowed from the lights of the sun quickly grabbed her attention. She stood up and approached it with caution. Only a foot away from it, she could not quite figure out what it was. It was only half buried in the sand, but its golden color reflected a beam of sunlight into her eyes, making her eyesight only half as good as it would normally be. She bent down next to it and slowly dug it out of the warm sand that held it captive. After only a few seconds of digging, it was finally free and she picked it up with care. Turning her back away from the sun so she could properly see the object she held within her hands, her mouth instantly dropped. She recognized it as a lamp that ancient Egyptians created. After standing there for a few moments, she slowly closed her mouth and wondered how old this artifact could be. It looked brand new, but they did not make items such as this in North America. She only half smiled, but was one of the only times she had actually smiled in her life.

She sat back down into the sand and placed the lamp next to her. She started to look back at the sun and the sky.

“I wish I could have the power of the sun and powers to reach the sky above,” She quietly said to herself.

She smirked and could not help but think what an outrageous idea it was to wish for the impossible. She placed her hand upon the lamp and stood up as the last bit of the sun reached the edge of the water. She started her journey back home, tired and achy from the days work. She reached her small home that only contained a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. She entered the door, put the lamp on her mahogany bedroom dresser, and headed for the shower. As she turned her back, she saw a glow coming from behind her and she turned around to the lamp. Its golden color had turned into a deep blood mood red and burned right through her dresser and onto the floor. Odd enough it did not burn through the floor or even through the carpet. She stood there, stunned at the sight she sought right in front of her. The lamps red glow lifted off the ground and struck Crystal right in the face. She screamed in agony as she could feel her skin on her face burning off. The pain so intense it caused her to collapse and faint instantly afterwards.

She awoke several hours later from what it seemed like to a place unfamiliar to her. She felt sand underneath her, but this time its warmth was not there. It was cold, dull, and dank wherever she was. She remembered the burning sensation she had felt and instantly grabbed her face. She felt nothing; it was as if her face was never touched. She looked around and saw no light except for a small entrance 20 feet above her. It was just enough light for her to see everything within her captive place. Its walls made of gold and it’ ground made of sand. She could not help but ponder where she was for a few minutes.

“No…This…Can’t….Be…Happening…” She said in obvious astonishment. She recognized the walls…it was the same as the lamp she had picked up earlier. She could not see how it could have happened, but it did and she knew it. She tried to recall what happened before the incident but she could not remember because she was starting to go in a shock.

She sat down for a few moments in order to restore her memory and get herself together. It was then when she remembered the wishes she made earlier at the beach. That must have been it…there was no other logical explanation for it. If the lamp had conjured her inside of it, then it meant only one thing.

“Yes!” She yelled suddenly with a twenty-second echo repeating her.

She focused, this time not on how to get out, but on something else. She lifted her hands and the sand started to burn. The lamp was now heating rapidly; every piece of sand was burning and crackling beneath her feet. She looked up to the entrance and used every ounce of strength to jump. She leaped upwards and past her normal jumping height. She kept going until she jumped out of the lamp and onto her floor. She quickly stumbled and the impact of the ground disoriented her. She closed her eyes for a moment and slowly opened them.

She was her actual size again and she could not help but laugh. It was not the fact that is was funny; it was merely an unexpected adventure. She could not believe the idea she just thought outrageous was actually quite opposite. She realized that by wishing upon the lamp, she caused herself as the lamps “genie,” but it was something she could live with. That very same day Crystal took the alias Fire-Kin Genie, packed her bags, and left for Paragon City. The City of Heroes, where new beginnings become part of history.

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2 x EndRdx in CJ? Seriously man, if you're going to give advice at least do some research first.

Don't waste your time with this guide.

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I find it quite interesting that you say this for many reasons actually. Apparently You don't know how to run a Fire/Kinetics. If you are running CJ with a fire/Kinetics you need all the end reduction you can get with the many toggles that are run. So don't patronize me if you have only had your Fire/Kin for 5.02 seconds as I've had mine since 2005. So I'd think I would know how to slot these characters.

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It absolutely matters. I don't take anyone seriously as a writer who can't spell. Especially if you can't even be bothered to use the built-in spell-check that comes with browsers these days.

In this paragraph you've even left out your apostrophes in "wasn't" and "don't." If you want us to give you credit then you need to literally dots the Is and cross the Ts. Proofread, always. Obsess over the details.

Sorry, but I have strict policies regarding this profession and I simply can not abide laziness of thought, and two of the strongest indicators of that are bad spelling and poor grammar.

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Seconded, which is why I asked if the OP wanted critiques.

But really, you aren't bad but could definitely use some polishing. I can give that bg the red pen treatment here in a bit if you want, but you really do need to pay attention to the details if you want to be taken seriously as a writer. I almost didn't even *read* the sample you put up because of the double T mistake.


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You can if you can find anymore mistakes, but I polished it as much as I could possibly do. Appreciate the response and advice. Been trying my best to abide by it.

Wow I like it =D

Here is a preview of what I have going on for Milk's character Crossdresser. This is only half complete and a rough draft. Been having a lot of trouble trying to start this up, but once I got a few ideas, its been pretty fun actually:


Duke Manlyname walked through the deserted park in Paragon City, in hopes to clear his head from life’s madness. The warm August night breeze flowed through his short black hair shifting it back a little. His thoughts were clear to him now and he gave a serene smile, which was rare not only for him, but for anyone living in this hectic city. As he strolled through the pathways, a sudden scream interrupted his thoughts appearing to come from behind him.

“Help me!” A high-pitched voice screamed.

Duke turned around to see a Circle of Thorn Mage torching a child who was no match for him.

“Please help me!” She screamed again. Duke, getting a closer view of her, saw she was no older then 9 years of age.

Quickly reacting, he charged the Mage with every once of strength his body could muster. The Mage quickly fell to the ground startled by the brute force put upon him. Duke knew that it would only be for a few seconds, so he picked up the young girl and ran for a save hidden spot for him and the child to stay in. He ran quickly through the park and hid himself within the swarthiness of several bushes nearby.

After watching the Mage hurry by them, Duke looked carefully into the face of the young girl he had just rescued. Her scenic hazel eyes shimmered like water from the moons luminous rays above, making it seem almost impossible to avert them. After a few moments of silence, they saw the mage quickly walk by again, this time with several others following behind him.

“You see that pathway?” Duke whispered to the little girl so the mages would not hear them.
She nodded as she looked down the narrow pathway hidden between the bushes.

“What I need you to do is to go quietly down it and once you reach the end, run as far and fast as you can, ok?” Duke said as he looked intently at the girl. He had already anticipated the girls’ next question.

“But…what about you? Why don’t you come with me and we can get help together?” She asked, almost pleading.

“Because both you and I know that I will not fit through there,” He pointed towards the path and continued “and I will distract them until you get help. I think I can last long enough for that if you hurry.”

“But…wait,” she started

“But nothing, now go.” Duke replied imperceptibly.
She started her journey, but quickly turned around and said, “Thanks for everything,” before disappearing into the tunnel.

He wanted to wait for a few minutes to pass before pulling the attention of the mages. With a deep sigh, Duke stood up without hesitation. This is something he had to do, something he needed to do to get peace of mind. He walked out from the bushes and hid behind a tree. He did not want the Circle of Thorns to know where they were hiding and where the little girl went.

lol I liked that.

I really liked those Milk =)

Thanks all for the tips. I will do my absolute best to improve on the grammar a bit as well as the spelling. Guess I have never gotten real critiques before. Working on Milk_Weasel's character story right now.

Really? I have IE and mine wont play WMP for some odd reason.

Those were pretty good! Strange some of em where. Liked the last one the best, also the Immob Arrow one.

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Uuuuuhm.. Writing, writer etc only has one t in it... :/

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I wasn't sure if I should say something or not. But it did kind of baffle me that a writer would misspell that word in particular. Once is a typo. Twice is a coincidence. More than that and I have to start asking questions.

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Sorry wasnt really paying attention all the time. Really does it matter? -Spell Check- does help me when I am just typing really fast and just putting thoughts typing. But you really dont have to respond at all if you are going to discredit me like that. Thanks!

By the way Milk, do I refer to Crossdresser as a male or a female? Doing it like a male at the moment using words like he and his.

Both actually. I'll take any critiques I can take at the moment. It's been a long time since I've written and forgot just how hard it actually is.

Final Draft Completed for my character Fire-Kin Genie. here it is:


The slight breeze on the beach felt relaxing to Crystal as she sat down on the small beads of sand. Her eyes glanced around and caught no one in plain view. She was astonished that no one would come on the beach this beautiful evening and watch the sunset bestow into the water. She shrugged and shifted her view back to the sunset and watched it starting to sink lower into the ocean blue. Its beautifully bright rays of light made the ripples in the ocean glisten a golden color that looked majestic enough to hypnotize anyone who watched it. She had never seen something so beautiful in her entire life, until now. For some strange reason, today she seemed connected to it, almost a part of it.

She looked around again, but again no one was in view. However, an object that glowed from the lights of the sun quickly grabbed her attention. She stood up and approached it with caution. Only a foot away from it, she could not quite figure out what it was. It was only half buried in the sand, but its golden color reflected a beam of sunlight into her eyes, making her eyesight only half as good as it would normally be. She bent down next to it and slowly dug it out of the warm sand that held it captive. After only a few seconds of digging, it was finally free and she picked it up with care. Turning her back away from the sun so she could properly see the object she held within her hands, her mouth instantly dropped. She recognized it as a lamp that ancient Egyptians created. After standing there for a few moments, she slowly closed her mouth and wondered how old this artifact could be. It looked brand new, but they did not make items such as this in North America. She only half smiled, but was one of the only times she had actually smiled in her life.

She sat back down into the sand and placed the lamp next to her. She started to look back at the sun and the sky.

“I wish I could have the power of the sun and powers to reach the sky above,” She quietly said to herself.

She smirked and could not help but think what an outrageous idea it was to wish for the impossible. She placed her hand upon the lamp and stood up as the last bit of the sun reached the edge of the water. She started her journey back home, tired and achy from the days work. She reached her small home that only contained a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. She entered the door, put the lamp on her mahogany bedroom dresser, and headed for the shower. As she turned her back, she saw a glow coming from behind her and she turned around to the lamp. Its golden color had turned into a deep blood mood red and burned right through her dresser and onto the floor. Odd enough it did not burn through the floor or even through the carpet. She stood there, stunned at the sight she sought right in front of her. The lamps red glow lifted off the ground and struck Crystal right in the face. She screamed in agony as she could feel her skin on her face burning off. The pain so intense it caused her to collapse and faint instantly afterwards.

She awoke several hours later from what it seemed like to a place unfamiliar to her. She felt sand underneath her, but this time its warmth was not there. It was cold, dull, and dank wherever she was. She remembered the burning sensation she had felt and instantly grabbed her face. She felt nothing; it was as if her face was never touched. She looked around and saw no light except for a small entrance 20 feet above her. It was just enough light for her to see everything within her captive place. Its walls made of gold and it’ ground made of sand. She could not help but ponder where she was for a few minutes.

“No…This…Can’t….Be…Happening…” She said in obvious astonishment. She recognized the walls…it was the same as the lamp she had picked up earlier. She could not see how it could have happened, but it did and she knew it. She tried to recall what happened before the incident but she could not remember because she was starting to go in a shock.

She sat down for a few moments in order to restore her memory and get herself together. It was then when she remembered the wishes she made earlier at the beach. That must have been it…there was no other logical explanation for it. If the lamp had conjured her inside of it, then it meant only one thing.

“Yes!” She yelled suddenly with a twenty-second echo repeating her.

She focused, this time not on how to get out, but on something else. She lifted her hands and the sand started to burn. The lamp was now heating rapidly; every piece of sand was burning and crackling beneath her feet. She looked up to the entrance and used every ounce of strength to jump. She leaped upwards and past her normal jumping height. She kept going until she jumped out of the lamp and onto her floor. She quickly stumbled and the impact of the ground disoriented her. She closed her eyes for a moment and slowly opened them.

She was her actual size again and she could not help but laugh. It was not the fact that is was funny; it was merely an unexpected adventure. She could not believe the idea she just thought outrageous was actually quite opposite. She realized that by wishing upon the lamp, she caused herself as the lamps “genie,” but it was something she could live with. That very same day Crystal took the alias Fire-Kin Genie, packed her bags, and left for Paragon City. The City of Heroes, where new beginnings become part of history.