TeChameleon

First off, thanks for the reviews- appreciate you taking the time. A couple of quick comments in response... okay, scratch that, on review, a lot of comments in response-

Small Fears
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The first hostage (who refused to leave the map, probably not the author's fault) *break* There are total of three hostages that have to be escorted out, including your Contact, on a multi-story office map...yeah.

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Aye, that's a hostage AI glitch. They were originally plain-vanilla rescues, but upon being saved, they just stood there. Kind of breaks the mood >.<

Also, it seemed a bit weird to me, after some thought, to essentially pat the kids on the head and tell them 'okay, toddle along now, I'm sure you'll be fine running all alone through the demon-infested remains of your school'. The inconvenience is noted, but I decided to include the escorts for the sake of immersion... or at least an attempt at it. Frigging glitches -_-

As to the multi-levelled nature of the thing... I did my best to ensure that all the kids spawned on the first two floors, but it looks like you hit a bad run of it. And there really aren't any maps that fit the atmosphere as well as that one- for preference, I'd use the Croatoa ghost map with the debuffing fog- better ambience, and a much smaller map as a bonus. Unfortunately, that one doesn't seem to be available.

You have a knack for putting your finger on things that I already am unsure of; unfortunately, I'm not entirely certain how to remedy them with the tools I have :/

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I don't know how well the idea of having the player beat up little kids is going to go over.

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Hmm... I see your point here, but I'm of two minds on it. Part of me agrees, and part just shrugs and says that the various critters are supposed to be representations of childhood fears, and bullies of either gender are very much a part of that. Also, the 'little' kids are more than six feet tall >.>

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and if Mayhem isn't an ambush

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She isn't.

How to Survive a Robot Uprising
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It also says the arc is "solo unfriendly", which leads me to a digression I expect will go over like a lead balloon, but I'm sticking to it.

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Actually, the 'solo unfriendly' label was intended more as a 'bring an appropriate inspiration loadout, and you probably shouldn't try it on a Defender' warning than an 'I'm actively trying to kill you' one- unfortunately, the text box description is so sharply limited that there's very little room to actually, y'know, describe your arc.

Fair point, though. Mind you, I have soloed it succesfully on my Energy/Energy/Munitions Blaster (next to no sets, reasonable loadout of Hami-Os)

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The Big Bad turned out to be a Freedom Phalanx Cataphract, which I believe explains the level issue...that doesn't spawn lower than a 54, I think, thereby allowing the author to lock the whole mission to that level.

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*sigh* Not quite what I intended. If I could have the Cataphract at 50, I would. Unfortunately, my only other options (assuming I don't want to reuse the PPD bots, which I really really don't) for a large robot are the Arachnos Heavy Blaster, which doesn't fix anything, or the Vanguard Heavy... which I had actually forgotten about until now- I had originally used it elsewhere, which is why it wasn't in that mission. I may have to change that, although it loses a bit of the visual 'punch', being a much duller colour. Mind you, it will also be much less annoying. Right, something to look into.

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The Cataphract had some blue goo in it (grey is the customary color for evil nanotech, but that's a nit)

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It's a reference to the Rogue Robots mini-arc you can get from either Merisel Valenzuela or Allison King in the early thirties in 'canon' CoH.

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"Archimedes' Lever", a level 54 EB assigned to the "Shameless Self-Insertions" faction. This is not a good sign.

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Actually, they're what I use when I don't have a plot reason for someone to be there beyond 'I need an ally for difficulty reasons'. I've got all those ready-made costumes and characters, so why not? Also, it's a bit of gently self-deprecatory humour.

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The mission-complete Clue says the "Virals" are going to try to sterilize the Rogue Isles by taking over the Arbiter Drones.

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Tense error- were going to try and sterilize the isles, that's why they were in that lab in the first place. Hmm... going to have to double-check that, make sure it's clear. Oh... wait. Hmm. I think that's supposed to be the hostage clue. Time to do some bug-hunting, I guess.

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The next mission doesn't go in that direction, though. Instead you're sent ot a Malta cargo ship full of Titans that have gone berserk. The first spawn point consisted of four Zeus Titans obliterating a bunch of Malta mobs. I hit Elude and wiped them out. It then became evident that pretty much every spawn on the map was multiple Zeuses, so I hit stealth and flew past everything. Before I found whatever it was I was supposed to do, the mission completed. I can only assume that one of the battles destroyed the objective. I did find a Malta hostage, which I freed even though the mission was over. He ran for the door, with a release message saying he was "going for reinforcements" and I "might want to wrap this up quickly", so I just clicked out.

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Ooookay, apparently the dialogue on that one was problematic- I thought I'd made it explicit in the introductory text that you just have to kill a destructible object, but you're not the only one to misinterpret what's said. Going to have to do some rewriting, looks like.

I'm also going to change that to a glowie-click, I think. I hadn't thought that mobs could become hostile to objects, so... yeah. Didn't really expect it to be attacked.

And the Malta hostage is mostly for flavour.

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You're also told that Citdel is staying out because the Virals can take over any AI. Good thing they never noticed my character has a symbiotic one.

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... bugger. I thought I had fixed that. Er, for AI-type characters, I mean. Guess not, *sigh* Well, that is what reviews are for, after all.

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Likewise the Contact assumes your character knows little or nothing about computers or AIs. Really should write for the general case.

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Uhm... actually (and again, this is something I had thought reasonably clear, especially as I had rewritten it several times) the contact assumes that your character is not a trained counterintelligence agent specializing in rogue AIs. Not that you know nothing about AIs in general. But, once again, fair enough.

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The mission is actually the "Portal Lab" map, not the outdoor map.

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*grumble* Another case of the map I wanted not being available.

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The Big Bad is a berserk PPD Enforcer, which had two or three friends...I lost count. You've got two PPD Quantum allies possible on this map, but one of them spawned behind the Big Bads.

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I would kill for the ability to determine specifically where the allies spawn- I've had both PPD turn up first thing, and other times when I had to hunt all over the backside of the map for them.

Also, (and I know I spelled this out in the dialogue) you only have to kill the named boss. Again, I soloed this without much difficulty on my Blaster... don't even think I used inspirations, and if I had any allies, it was just one of them. I actually had bumped up the number of PPD bots because the initial encounter was too easy (bearing in mind that this was on a lone squishy).

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To quote one of the early hackers (can't remember the cite right now) "never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon stuffed full of tapes hurdling down the freeway".

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... you didn't read the mission souvenir, did you?

I should really include a note to that effect- there was a bit of an epilogue in there.

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There's some good writing in the dialog, but the repeated attempts to stuff the mission full of Instant Death are tiresome. (And the only time I died was due to blind stinking bad luck, not from throwing a battleship at me.)

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Which might suggest that I am not, in fact, actually trying to kill you? >.>

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Level-locking the first mission at 54 is just wrong: anyone trying this below 50 is going to get greased. I'd recommend toning it down so people will actually play through it and read the good writing, instead of getting frustrated and quitting.

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You've reminded me of something I had forgotten, that will hopefully fix the issue... although I am sad to lose the Cataphract; the WTF-factor of fighting your way through a warehouseful of Council 'bots and running face-first into that big red-and-white bugger is classic

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I'd recommend toning it down so people will actually play through it and read the good writing, instead of getting frustrated and quitting.

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Noted and appreciated. Although the solo-UNfriendly label remains, because there is always going to be a certain level of challenge to it without rewriting the whole thing.

EDIT- Alrighty, bit of editing happening- Small Fears now has the kids begging you to lead them out and not leave them alone so that the escort at least makes clear story sense.

How to Survive a Robot Uprising has been cleaned up- the arcs no longer lock in at 54 for the first mission, the dialogue clues are more plainly worded (for example, the contact now flat-out tells you that you should probably avoid the Malta fights... although they're rather fun to watch ), and some of the dialogue troubles are cleaned up, I think. I didn't change the PPD 'bot bosses; I still believe them to be a reasonable challenge without being too over the top.

If you want to put How to Survive a Robot Uprising back into the queue to take a look and see if it's improved or not, I certainly wouldn't mind- the arc number is still 12669.

I'm glad you liked "Small Fears"- I'm actually not much of a horror buff, it just seemed to happen that way, so I wasn't entirely sure how it would be received.

What about the mission goals in the first mission was confusing? You're not the first to say that, so I've been tweaking them on and off, but don't seem to have hit that magic balance just yet :/

Well, if you have the time, feel free to take a look at the arcs listed in my sig (er, ignore "The Meatgrinder", it's just an excercise in sadism that isn't even working properly. Kind of fun in a masochistic sort of way, though ).

"Small Fears" is a horror-themed arc; "How to Survive a Robot Uprising" is, well, pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. Although there are a few twists here and there, and the occasional joke. Poor Bernie

My three are up- numbers and names in my sig. Although "The Meatgrinder" really doesn't have much in the way of a plot, or even a point, really.

(([censored]. I wrote a post, hit 'Continue' (with it copied onto clipboard), then forgot and went and did something else... including copying and pasting something. "The form you have submitted is no longer valid." [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] YOU, FORUM BUG!))

"Your questions are irrelevant and potentially dangerous to the well being of everybody in this building, since they are causing me to waste vital time." the Major informed the Caldok.

"And you will remove that hand, or I will remove that hand. At the shoulder, if need be."

Those who worked with Dos Santos in the lab would barely recognize her now. Gone was the dreamy look in her eyes, the perpetually slightly-unfocussed look that seemed to be trying to take in everything at once and think about it all at the same time, to the point that there probably wasn't enough brain capacity left to walk and chew gum at the same time. Now, there was a dangerous glint in her eyes and a laser-like focus on the immediate problem.

"To answer your question..." she began, the arm the Caldok still gripped beginning to burn with white-hot magical flame. She didn't particularly care whether or not it burned him; he had had two warnings, which she considered more than sufficient. "... draining this individual with the equipment in place would be useless, we can't draw it off faster than he generates it. And the containment team would only delay the inevitable and potentially make the ensuing 'volcano' far, far worse."

"This is officially Sigil Branch 2 business; if you dislike it, you may take it up with the Sovereign, as I have his orders to deal with this problem. I am doing so to the best of my ability, and you will have to trust me. The time for explanations is over."

Renata returned to hitting the buttons, using her own SLI to override the trooper's lockout. Setting the shield to iris open slowly, she hoped to direct the worst of the damage away from anything vital by channeling the Tanker's mystic flames into a single beam.

The fire wouldn't harm a living soul, but there was the potential of considerable structural damage to the tower if it were simply allowed to run loose- compressed celestial dragonfire with a sub-component that caused distintegration by disrupting molecular bonds would be horrifically destructive to everything not specifically excluded from the spell, and the Major didn't have any particular confidence that the tower's anti-magic gear would be enough to block the reaction. Teivos' engineers tended to treat magic as merely a slightly esoteric branch of science, and ignored any of the multitude of strange outlier cases that disrupted their comfortable 'all has been explained' viewpoint.

With a sharp nod, the Major hit the final button, the troopers already forgotten.

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Lol, sorry m'man.
My complaints with that mission is mostly it felt flat or out of place when compared to the others in the arc. I felt it needed some of your custom critters in it. Not many, but a few would liven the place up a bit.
As for that mish being deadly, I'll chalk that one up to my toon and playstyle. Thugs/Pain MM that stealths with the same ability as a bulldozer rampaging thru a bell factory.

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Heh... fair enough. There actually are a handful of customs in there- you had to kill a group to finish the mission, and if you look around, there's another batch holding one of the Malta hostage to 'observe' him as everybody else in the area dies.

As to 'out of place'... well, the Titans are known to be powerful robots; it's not unlikely that the Perfect Machine would try to suborn them. Only problem is, by giving them 'free will' and removing the control their battle computer has over them... well, if you've played the appropriate mission from Crimson, you know that's not gonna end well.

Also, I've edited that arc somewhat- the new number is in my sig, and I think I've managed to streamline it some... also, I'll start posting more reviews tomorrow night- I haven't had time to play much lately.

There's one that I've been looking for, but strongly suspect isn't there- it's the office one with the thick green debuffing fog that you do a ghost mission in in Croatoa. Is it around and I'm just missing it, or is it not in the editor?

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EDIT- Did I kill the thread or something? Also, I wouldn't mind more reviews of my arcs... I think I've gotten all of one for each >.<

And I'm morbidly curious... thus far every person who's tried my second arc, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising", has had a different problem with it. Not mistakes, per se, just balancing stuff, or 'yeah, this didn't really work for me'. And none of them are ever the same! It's starting to make me a bit neurotic >.<

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I really enjoyed the arc except for the Malta on the Cargo Ship map. That one just seemed "off" for me and was very deadly.
Perhaps add in a few of your custom robots for flavor. Perhaps an ally as well.

The first mission was a blast. The Ally was perfect. He helped but didn't plow thru the mission killing everything. He really liked to use his secondary and buffed alot. Playing a THugs/Pain MM is was empowering to say the least.

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... aaand add yet another 'I liked it, but...' to the pile. Seriously, I've gotten a different opinion from every single person who played this. I'm starting to wonder what's going on >.<

Seriously thinking about rewriting it, at least somewhat (although I am a bit perplexed that the Malta map gave you so much difficulty- they were mostly busy killing each other, they wouldn't bother much with you if you went around).

Ah, well. If anyone wants to add a second review for Small Fears, go ahead- I've revised it fairly extensively since that first one.

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Magic
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The Amulet of J'gara - Heroic
*

Mystery
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*

Military
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*

Comedy
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The Great Chicken Caper of '09 - Heroic
*

Comedy/Drama
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Lawyers of Ghastly Horror - Heroic
How to Survive a Robot Uprising - Heroic
*

Crime/Gangs
------------
*

Classic Super-Hero/Super-Villain
--------------
*

Mythology
----------------
Anactoria's Descent Into the Underworld - Villainous
*

Character/Supergroup Origins
----------------
*


Horror
---------
Small Fears - Heroic
*

Holiday
---------
*

Sci-Fi
--------

Adventures of the Space Marines --- Neutral
Adventures of the Space Marines 2 ---Neutral

*
Un-themed Survival/AV/Time Challenges
-----------------------
The Meatgrinder - Neutral
*

Historical (Realistic)
--------------------
*

Historical (CoH Lore)
-------------------
*


Drama
-------------
*


Misc. Adventure
----------------
The Portal Bandits - Heroic
*

Global Domination
----------------
*




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Major Dos Santos didn't give any particular indication that she'd even heard the reprimand, continuing to poke at the crystal for a while. Eventually, she shook her head. "Your aura appears to be realigning, or some such... I think. It's a very minute change, difficult to track." she commented abstractedly, pocketing the crystal once more.

Another abortive salute. "A fire giant? Nordic, or..?" she asked, scratching her head with the hand that had started the salute. "No, never mind- if you knew, you would have told me."

The major rubbed her chin, then turned that into a salute, nearly jabbing herself in the eye and knocking her glasses askew. "I'll take care of it, sir." she said, and strode briskly back out the doors, slamming them open hard enough that the troopers standing guard were nearly taken off their feet when the doors crashed into them.

As the doors closed, her voice could be heard a final time "And make sure you get some real food into you, none of this processed concentrated ration garbage!"

As soon as she was out of range of the guard's Odcarovats (and around a corner), the Major simply vanished, using her priviledges as a 'friendly' flagged caster to bypass the various magic-dampening devices. Out of consideration for the guards, she, as usual, popped up around a corner.

Then she strode up and started hitting buttons on the control console for the cells. At a strangled exclamation from the closest guard and a hand on her arm pulling it away from the console, she gave him a look.

"Tabs? On collar? I outrank you, soldier. I'm ordering you right now to let go of my arm, and let me go about my duties. If you think you have a better idea of what I'm about to do than I do, feel free to let me know. Without laying hands on a superiour officer. Unless you'd rather explain to the Court Martial panel why you think you have a better idea of what I'm doing than I do."

-----

Somewhere in China:

The red dragon found herself in a huge cave full of excercising men. The air stank of sweat, blood and magic as hundreds of mages, young and old, dueled and trained in combat. A few glanced at her for an instant (and at least one got crispy-fried for having the temerity to take his eyes off his opponent), but beyond that, little note was taken of her.

The chief drill instructor tossed a salute at her on general principles, and went back to overseeing a high-level sparring match.

((RE-EDIT- Right, whatever, getting frustrated with this whole thing, but presumably this is approved. Carry on -_-))

The rapid *slapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslap* of carpet slippers hitting tile at a brisk trot echoed through the upper corridors of Teivos' tower. A brusque young (human) woman wearing a labcoat, frizzy hair, large, coke-bottle glasses, a voluminous robe over the labcoat (it might have been supposed to look mystical, but instead came off more like a huge and rather ratty bathrobe), and a harried expression came up to Teivos' door.

Her pace was somewhere midway between a rush and a flat-out charge, and when the guards showed no signs of getting out of her way, she stopped dead just short of plowing straight into them. She stretched out a hand and wiggled her fingers a little, and when this didn't produce any result other than faintly bemused looks, she made an irritated noise and dug through one of her many pockets, eventually locating whatever she was looking for, doing something that produced a faint 'click' like a switch being thrown, and wiggled her fingers again.

Space deformed slightly around the two guards, pushing them out of her way without actually moving them as her counter-jamming blocked their odcarovat signal, and she slipped neatly through the door, closing it firmly in the faces of the startled guards.

"Honestly, people always assume that mystical inclinations mean you're useless with technology..." she muttered, shutting off her counter-jammer. "Of course, it helps that I have enough clearance to access the specs, but still. Good morning, sir." she greeted Teivos with an absolute minimum of reverence.

"Your aura is muddled- you haven't been eating properly again, you really must take care of yourself better... were you aware that we have the magical equivalent of... I want to say a Nuke, but that would give the wrong impression... sitting in your basement?" Major Renata Dos Santos announced in a single breath, one arm twitching in the start of a salute that got cancelled halfway up as she got distracted again.

"I'm not certain exactly where it's coming from- I didn't bother to track it, as I was assuming you would prefer to know sooner rather than later. It's not exactly dangerous in the traditional sense- as far as I can tell, it won't even singe a living being or damage anything that's part of them, so cybernetics should be safe, but anything else is going to get vapourised. There might be a few injuries from structural failures as a chunk of the building goes bye-bye, but beyond that and some minor embarassment as clothes also go bye-bye, it shouldn't be any more harmful to your personnel than that." Major Dos Santos announced, running a hand through her dark hair and succeeding only in frizzing it still further.

"Also, the Overmagus has wandered off again, and I was wondering if you wished me to take over his magical duties in the interim, and this thing in the basement really needs to be looked at. It feels like sitting on an already-partially-exploded nuke that has relatively peaceful intentions. It is, to be honest, rather distracting."

The major produced a crystal from yet another pocket and waved it at Teivos, a puzzled expression on her face as she apparently forgot he was there, prodding the glowing stone with one slender finger as her tongue stuck out of the side of her mouth. Granted, this was pretty much par for the course with her, and something that Teivos was likely long since used to.

-----

In the CPSR base, the dragon would likely find her awakening unremarked-upon. A cursory glance at the magical flows in the area would reveal wards around the cavern, but they didn't seem to be set to activate unless she did something overtly magical. The sounds of a large fortress in a veritable frenzy of busy activity filtered through occasionally, but beyond that, nobody seemed inclined to provide her any further information.

------

Flashpoint Zeo, in the meantime, sat in the midst of the whirl of flame and doodled idly on the bedsheet with one vast finger. He couldn't reabsorb the magic without risking what he had vented all this magic to prevent in the first place happening, couldn't see out through the vast cocoon of fire, and didn't honestly care that much; he knew he had been moved, and presumably the fortress, if his understanding of tyrants like the Dark Sovereign served him properly, was within shouting distance of Teivos. He could wait.

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I did Dark Dreams yesterday and it was pretty nice, I liked the custom mobs. It was a little hard though when I tried it with my 32 Dominator, 1 enemy killed me.

I also remember seeing some typos. You should add more clues or explantions too, it was hard to understand why some of the characters were there. Explanations are better in clues too.

Overall, I liked it, had fun.

Here's mine: (STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN A REVIEW FROM THIS POST!)
It's ready!

Birth of a Fossil
Arc ID: 18632
Length: Very Long
Morality: Heroic
Plot: A long time ago... Dragons ruled the world. No one knows what happened to them. Now, a fossil of one of the greatest has been found. Who shall claim it's power? Be the hero that caused the birth of the villain Fossil Dragon!
Author: @PartyClown

I've just completed my very first arc and I'd like some comments on story, difficulty and writing, especially syntax as I tend to use some french ones. I'd also need some technical testing if possible.

Thanks in advance! Hope you like it and have fun!

P.S. Terribly sorry about the circle maps but it was fitting story-wise!

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Hoy Clown- take a quick look at the first post on this page. Might be surprised

EDIT- Did I kill the thread or something? Also, I wouldn't mind more reviews of my arcs... I think I've gotten all of one for each >.<

And I'm morbidly curious... thus far every person who's tried my second arc, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising", has had a different problem with it. Not mistakes, per se, just balancing stuff, or 'yeah, this didn't really work for me'. And none of them are ever the same! It's starting to make me a bit neurotic >.<

Thanks for the review, Flying_Carcass-

The 'brainglitch' lack-of-spacing thing was deliberate- it's part of a larger scattering of hints at something (check your souvenir clue)

You can pick up some buddies to face down the big Arachnobot (there are a couple of PPD Unleashed... or something like that... scattered about to be rescued if you want)- I just fed them to it while I pounded away from a distance. Their self-rez was rather handy against it

The map in the Fourth Mission was just 'Cargo Ship: Medium' with one specific one (with three rooms, I think?) picked out.

Yeah, not much I can do about the battles finishing before you get there in the Fourth Mission- technically, they're not even supposed to start until you get there. And watching the Malta kill one another does your heart good, doesn't it? *evilgrin*

You can actually call in more people to your MA missions if the need arises- I've done it numerous times. Although you can't trade off leadership, much to my displeasure. It's also another hint that yeah, there's still more allies in this one.

The laptop thing is very strange- I hope you /bugged it. It actually worked fine when I ran through- I blew it to tiny pieces without incident

EDIT- Apparently this is a known bug- gotta take out the guys around it, and it'll become targettable.

So, I started with the first Space Marines Adventure- hit the comp, and my first thought upon seeing the ally was "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"

Unstoppable Monster. O... kay?

Second Mission- Okay, second briefing and I already never, ever want to hear the contact say 'Hoorah' again.

Sgt. Crakers uses a plain ol' Composite bow? I'm vaguely disappointed...

... mission complete? Uhm... okay? Guess my 'boys' are busy... somewhere...

Mission debriefing- 'apparently the Emperess...'- should be "Empress"

Third Mission- Stryjax... freaky little buggers. Especially when they basically double in size by popping spines out of everywhere O.o

Okay, I get that Captain Batalia is supposed to be seriously kick-butt, but towing an EB through that mission feels somewhat like overkill :/

Fourth mission- Hmm... maybe we're using different definitions of 'overrun'? For some reason, all the maps so far (aside from the first one >.&gt feel weirdly barren. Admittedly, I'm running on heroic, given that I'm a solo squishy.

Freedom Fighters look weirdly like Sgt. Crakers- so much so that my first reaction was 'didn't I rescue this guy already?'

Chained objectives on this kind of map kind of suck when you're not sure whether to go up or down... la la la, wandering in circles...

Okay, finally found her, tucked away in a corner in one of those little side-office things. Thorntrops do really, really annoying things to allies. Was wondering why they suddenly decided it was time to jog out of the room and stare into the middle distance.

Fourth Mission- *grumble* More 'hoorahs'. Want to smack the contact one.

No bio for the Pyschic Guardians?

Overall, good stuff. On to number two!

I rather like the Globian Attacker design. Not entirely clear what they're doing hanging out on the rooftops, but hey, no worries.

Gah... my Space Marine pet decided to brawl the gift for the governor. That went well.

No dialogue for the Captain when she's rescued?

Mission two- Odd. The Captain's in the 'hostage hands over head' position, but there's no enemies nearby (although I did catch one fading out... did the friendly Globians kill 'em?)

Space Trader designs are kinda cool too- like the little cloud effect around their ankles.

Ergh... it registered me 'finding' the trader without my ever laying eyes on him. Then the ambush killed me. Still have no idea where he is >.<

Okay, finally found the trader- and he was in the 'hostage kneeling' position too, again with no hostiles around. Looked kind of weird.

Hrm. Dragging this idiot across a gigantic map is a bit meh... I mean, it makes sense, but it's kind of boring.

The 'blue armoured bloke' pops up far enough away that it's a bit of a trick to find him- dug him up after a few seconds searching, but it left me wondering how the heck Batalia spotted him.

Mission Three- OUCHIE. Got knocked into half a dozen baddies at once and diced.

... Chikan Privateer. Oh dear.

Once again, mission complete while I'm... somewhere else. Nice to have competent allies, I guess, but it's a bit unnerving

Alrighty, on to Mission Four: hmm... y'know, with repetition... "The Space Pirate King" is a bit of a mouthful- maybe "The King of the Space Pirates"?

Caves. *sigh*

Captain Drakeson- "My treasure, not your's..."- got an extra apostrophe in there.

"Return to the Ship"? Uh... okay? Where am I going?

Grr... okay, got killed by the self-rezzed Captain Drakeson, tried to come back in, the next EB saw through my stealth and snuffed me on my way back in. Yay -_-

Alrighty, then... after the fifth time of dropping Captain Drakeson, and actually getting a good look at him somewhere in there (I had to make sure he stayed dead so I could actually pry Batalia away from there to help with the next EB), I've gotta say, he's probably the weakest of your designs, in my opinion. Something about him just doesn't do it for me- the gold-and-purple makes sense in the whole 'gaudy pirate captain' way, but... eh, not sure what it is (although the green grin really doesn't help >.&gt

*grumble* CAVES!

Bosses with Unstoppable and Self-heals are impressively irritating. Even with Batalia, I had to pop Eye of the Magus.

... The END? What!?!

Hrm... okay, OVERALL:

A fun little romp. Solidly written, not too difficult, so as to be reasonably solo-friendly... uh, normally- the EBs at the end were kind of irritating... well-designed, creative use of the maps... yup, Five stars. I liked it- the minor issues I pointed out didn't particularly detract from anything, just stuff you might want to fix.

Going to pop these up again, since they've dropped into oblivion without a review-

Arc Name: "Small Fears"
Arc ID: #7108
Creator Global Name: @Experiment DBWP (@Wall of Knight on live)
Difficulty Level: Moderate- there are a couple of EBs involved.
Synopsis: No matter how happy your childhood, there are always a few corners of darkness, little pockets of black fear that every child knows. And now those shadows are expanding. Something is clawing out of the lost childhood of Paragon. Are you ready to confront the fears of the nursery? (tough to solo)

(If you've already run this... I wouldn't worry about it too much- things have changed, but the general feel should be about the same.)

Arc Name: How to Survive a Robot Uprising
Arc ID: #18226
Creator Global Name: @Experiment DBWP (@Wall of Knight on live)
Difficulty Level: Fairly Tough. It's doable, there are allies scattered throughout, but it's not easy.
Synopsis: Something strange is happening with the AIs of Paragon City; DATA has asked you to look into it. Your natural first stop, Citadel, got nothing. Until you noticed that you had a new message on your service... from Citadel! telling you to visit a certain warehouse in Steel Canyon... (solo-UNfriendly)

Will add a review here later on in.

Heh... believe it or not, Eco, that's exactly what I soloed it on to test it out (although I stealthed until I found the helper, who's an EB... oh, and I've got precisely zero purples on this guy). There are helpers scattered about- you need to watch the text, and I just realized I forgot to tell you about them in one of the missions, but they're around

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: The Echo
Arc ID: 18188
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: MrCaptainMan
Difficulty Level: Easy
Synopsis: A simple rescue reveals a deeper mystery involving a face from the past and a possible plot to destroy the world. Story-heavy 5-mission arc, narrative told mostly via clues. The last mission especially is very story intensive (and until

[/ QUOTE ]
Hmm... okay, so far so good.

Freaks are always fun to bludgeon. Dialogue is snappy... can almost hear the contact smirking as he sends you to beat the Crey senseless.

- The librarians are great, and tougher than you might think- the support from the lieutenants makes them much more durable. Fun little brawl, although I can tell you were thinking like a Blaster, heh... if you can hover and zap 'em a good one, they're much less threatening.

And like I said, the archivists so need a handlebar mustache.

- Third mission... oyyyy. This isn't really your fault- past level 45, there's no such thing as any Crey that's not a Tank. It's incredibly annoying, since they take forever to kill >.<

- the clues thus far have all been wonderfully awful- my favourite thus far is the Mother Superiour (Habitual criminals. Argh, my brain!)

- Typo- "The Lifesavers Deeds"- missing apostrophe (Lifesavers'), also 'the codes yeild'- should be 'yield'.

- Oooh, subtle Discworld reference (Five exclamation marks!) I like!

- Uhm... 'all the evidence points to him having turned'? His name on the lease, his super-name being used to hire Freaks to save someone, and his super-name being put on a Crey document..? That's really not a whole lot of evidence...

- Puns... breaking... brain...

- First glowie wasn't, for some reason (the tech-box thing). Odd bug.

- "Now it's just landfill" is kind of an odd way of putting it- I get the meaning, but it's a useage that I'm not familiar with.

- Shakesperean Freak = the purest of awesome. That was great! "Look, I gotta guard a crate, I'm gonna better myself while I do it, OK? ..To be or not to be..." ROFL!

- "Guard this crate, but not too hard." HAH!

- Okay, dialogue is gold.

- Associating map points with the Freak bosses would make the final mission much easier- the map is big enough that having to roam all over the place is a bit... meh. And having to travel the full length of the map multiple times to try and find where one guy spawned in is just annoying.

- Uh... exactly how mangled was the French that Sans Direct was spouting supposed to be (to the car? >.&gt? Also, the final thing should be "Alors! J'ai mal a ma tete!" (i.e. 'my head hurts')

- A Gaelic Freakshow..? (or Welsh, or something...)

- Oooookay... Montieth's story? Say hello to my little friend, Mr. Mood Whiplash. Seriously, the difference in tone is staggering.

- Definitely put in guideposts for the spawning bosses- it's hard to be immersed in the narrative when I'm flying all over this bloody huge tub trying to find what obscure corner the boss ahs stuffed himself into.

- ACK!- I lost the ending text- apparently I moved too far away from the contact, and it auto-closed. Didn't even get to read all of it

So, overall:

Great writing, although the ending is kind of a 'wait, what the hell just happened?' moment- having everything be Looney Tunes-level gloriously silly for the first four missions, and then hitting that in the final mission is... uhm... honestly, I spent most of Montieth's story waiting for the punchline that would turn that horrifyingly depressing story funny.

Overall, a fun, swift arc, and the Freakshow are just great. Montieth, on the other hand, is, uh... it's like finding a case of this in the middle of a Silly Symphonies episode while the mayhem and hilarity unfolds all around. It hits a really, really jarring note. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it.

Oops- one other thing: some indication that you need to read the clues as things went on in the final mission would be a huge help (like adding Boss Defeat Text that said something like "The loudspeaker activates (check clues)". I seriously would have had no idea why I was running around beating up random Freak Tanks if you hadn't mentioned the clues before you logged off.

Sorry, Eco- I must not have seen it.

And Stormy, I apologize for the tone of my review- it was late, and I was cranky, but had to stay up or risk throwing my whole schedule off, which leaves me off-kilter for weeks >.<

So yeah... came off grumpier than I probably should have, and certainly more so than your arc deserved. My comments on the mechanics still mostly stand though... and if you didn't set any ambush on the boxes, where were they coming from? Because I was keeping a sharp eye out for 'em by the fourth box, and I saw them come motoring in from halfway across the map (three Fir Bolg minions each time).

Like I said, the writing overall was quite solid- I enjoyed it, although I kept expecting Miss Fitz to betray you >.>

The hostages not running off is a bug- if you make it so you have to lead them out, they'll thank you for rescuing them... and then follow you around for the rest of the mission >.O

Random aside, Dumok... when you agreed with DeviousMe's criticisms... uh..? I've already changed a bunch of that. Any chance you could be a little more specific and/or offer your own ideas?

EDIT- May as well toss another review in here, don't have much else to do tonight...

[ QUOTE ]
Birth of a Fossil
Arc ID: 18632
Length: Very Long
Morality: Heroic
Plot: A long time ago... Dragons ruled the world. No one knows what happened to them. Now, a fossil of one of the greatest has been found. Who shall claim it's power? Be the hero that caused the birth of the villain Fossil Dragon!
Author: @PartyClown

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh... Rick Dare, the lady's lizard.

[ QUOTE ]
Rick Dare is a capable hero but he always seems to get in problems over his head, I'm sure he'll appreciate your assisstance.

[/ QUOTE ]
Would read more naturally as "... is a capable hero, but he always seems to get into problems over his head. I'm sure he'll..."

You've got some bleedover- the first-mission "Rick Dare" is the final boss, "Fossil Dragon". He's got the right bio, but the wrong name, form and powers. Although it was kind of funny to watch the EB rip all the CoT to shreds.

Uhm...

[ QUOTE ]
Once you rescued the archeologist, she told you: "Rick Dare came to us screaming happily but then the mages barged in here and asked us where the fossil was! We didn't know what they were talking about! We thought Rick Dare would defeat them but he was already gone!"

[/ QUOTE ]
... I'm not even sure what you're trying to say there :/

[ QUOTE ]
Thank you for saving the archeologists. I already spoke to Rick Dare and he explained what happened, looks like we have some important work ahead of us!

[/ QUOTE ]
Try "... and he explained what happened. Looks like we have some important..." You have a bit of a fondness for run-on sentences.

- Second mission sendoff- got some extra words ("I will send I will then send")

The level spread is a bit uneven- going from 33 to 50 to 33 again is kind of odd (kept trying to use powers I didn't have)

A Traitor's Story- "will take control of it's power!"- no apostrophe, should just be 'its'.

Also, if the 'traitor' is going to claim that they never suspected who he really was... are you gonna tell us, or no?

You might want to make it a little clearer from the clues that we're supposed to vaporize the fossil-box; I thought it was a mistake, and a glowie had been mixed up with a destructible object.

The dragon's name in the clue is almost illegible- dark purple against dark grey is not the most readable of combos. Also, the clue says 'ofr an unknown time', and the "it's" shouldn't have that apostrophe (fun little factoid- the only time 'its' has an apostrophe is when it's an abbreviation for 'it is'. Otherwise, even the posessive is just 'its'. Yes, English is a ludicrous language with next to no rules and breaks what few it does have with impressive frequency)

You've got some loose HTML tags in Fossil Dragon's bio (mostly 'br' ones).

So, overall:

I'd say this is a pretty solid arc (aside from the occasional bug); everything was constructed well, and the final boss, while not overwhelming, was a decent fight. It felt pretty much like a 'day in the life' for a hero- a small adventure that could fit nicely into canon.

The level fluctuations were weird, and I wasn't sure why they were present- you might want to look into that. Other than that and the bugs that I listed above, not bad, not bad at all!

FURTHER EDIT:
H'okeh, my turn! Going for a twofer, here- one is an arc that's been tested once, found wanting, and hopefully fixed :/

Arc Name: "Small Fears"
Arc ID: #7108
Creator Global Name: @Experiment DBWP (@Wall of Knight on live)
Difficulty Level: Moderate- there are a couple of EBs involved.
Synopsis: No matter how happy your childhood, there are always a few corners of darkness, little pockets of black fear that every child knows. And now those shadows are expanding. Something is clawing out of the lost childhood of Paragon. Are you ready to confront the fears of the nursery? (tough to solo)

(If you've already run this... I wouldn't worry about it too much- things have changed, but the general feel should be about the same.)

Arc Name: How to Survive a Robot Uprising
Arc ID: #18226
Creator Global Name: @Experiment DBWP (@Wall of Knight on live)
Difficulty Level: Fairly Tough. It's doable, there are allies scattered throughout, but it's not easy.
Synopsis: Something strange is happening with the AIs of Paragon City; DATA has asked you to look into it. Your natural first stop, Citadel, got nothing. Until you noticed that you had a new message on your service... from Citadel! telling you to visit a certain warehouse in Steel Canyon... (solo-UNfriendly)

[ QUOTE ]
Also, still would like some feedback on Arc 13886
The last mission has been fixed up. Was having trouble with circular dependencies, but Leandro helped get that squared away so objectives now pop in the proper order.

[/ QUOTE ]

- Second mission pop-up, 'farmers could loose all they own'- got an extra 'o' there, should be 'lose'

- Second mission, 'protect the boxes'- basically decided 'bugger it' after dying to the third ambush on the friggin' box. I don't need everything in the area spontaneously deciding I have to die for trying to protect the bloody box. Especially since they were merrily trying to kill one another a few seconds ago. Just... no. You really, really don't need multiple ambushes on all five of those boxes. It's either murderous or a tedious annoyance, depending on how they catch you (and... five boxes? Why?)

Will try again later.

EDIT- Okay, just one ambush per box. Still doesn't make any bloody sense, still annoying, but I guess the mutant rudolph attack was just an add, not an ambush the first two times.

- Okay, what the hell? Enough ambushes? I don't need... what, three ambushes?.. while I'm trying to fight the EB. Argh. Sorry, that was just an annoying fight.

- Mission three- Legion is a *nasty* fight. I had to call in help, and even then it was dicey. Rage and KO Blow can halve a Tank's health in one shot, so you can imagine what it was doing to my squishy...

So, overall:

The writing's actually pretty good, although the occasional lapses into California Valley girl are a bit odd for a kid who's supposedly grown up in Rhode Island.

The mechanics waver between 'infuriating' and 'why am I even bothering?', though- you're way too ambush-happy, and the EBs are aggravating at best; bear in mind that a lot of people are going to be soloing at this stage, and throwing up a brick wall on every mission won't go over that well.

Overall, I'd say tone it down a little- since you're auto-exemplared down, a lot of characters won't have their full arsenal anyways, and running into enemies like Legion who can goal-kick your head in all of three shots when you can't even hit elude... well, may as well either quit or looooooooooad up on the inspirations (I used most of my tray on the first two fights, along with Eye of the Magus, so Legion was a very unpleasant surprise).

((Argh... sorry, I've been totally stuck as to what to have Mrs. Troy doing in here; her only reason for swinging by is long since gone, and she does have her own life to get back to. I may wind up having to pull her :/ ))

The camera into Flashpoint Zeo's cell would reveal exactly what it had every other time it had been glanced at.

Fire.

It was unlikely that anyone in the state weapon's facility even knew what the huge tanker looked like- Toy's bubble had been a seething ball of flame, a spherical window into hell, when it had been brought into the fortress, and the flames hadn't let up for a second since then.

The bubble had simply been dumped into a heavily shielded cell. When it was released, lights flickered all over the complex for a second as the sudden power drain kicked in. The interior of that cell had burned like the surface of the sun ever since.

Flashpoint Zeo, in the meanwhile, was bored. Once he had figured out the mobius loop needed to set Yinglong's spell to sustain itself- a relatively simple matter, since it hadn't actually consumed anything, and as such hadn't technically triggered yet- he had had very little to do. He wasn't even entirely sure where he was- whilst his senses were exceptional, they couldn't tell him much aside from 'you are surrounded by flame', which wasn't exactly news.

Wellp, I'm going to plant my arc up here again- I've revised it fairly heavily from when I first posted it on this thread, way back when, and it's still evolving somewhat, although it's mostly refinements at this stage.

Arc Name: Small Fears
Arc ID: 7108
Length: Medium (3 Missions)
Enemies: Mostly Custom
Difficulty: Middling-to-Difficult (varies depending on AT- probably best to duo it, at least)
Alignment: Heroic
Author: @Experiment DBWP

Description: No matter how happy your childhood, there are always a few corners of darkness, little pockets of black fear that every child knows. And now those shadows are expanding. Something is clawing out of the lost childhood of Paragon. Are you ready? Ready to confront the forgotten fears of the nursery?

It does contain an EB/AV (depending on difficulty) or two, so fair warning. It's a horror-themed arc, which, while I normally can't stand horror (seriously, I just won't watch it/read it), was oddly fun to write. If you have any suggestions on improving the overall 'feel', let me know- I want this as good (and creepy ) as I can get it.

Oh... feel free to post feedback here, if you like.

*heimlich Pepsi*

Best of luck with getting this sorted, Noire- if you can find a Chiriascuro restaurant in your area (Brazilian BBQ), you might be able to treat yourself (not sure on spices and whatnot) while this is going on- most of what's on the menu is meat. Lots and lots of it

Delicious, though.

Well, I had to shave off yet another custom critter from my group (putting me right back where I started, and causing the waste of more than six hours of work struggling to squeeze everything in -_-), but it's back up and working. Took the opportunity to fix the names, too.

... still... ten critters? That's all? *froths incoherently*

Yup, the patch broke my arc as well. And repairing it puts it at 'too large to publish'. By two percent.

After ranting incoherently at my computer for a while, I have officially given up. I was already at the bare-bones limit of the story I had to tell; deleting still more of my custom critters will totally kill it.

My bitter, bitter, bitter hatred of the 100k filesize limit is growing steadily.