Mr_Squid

Just finished "McGuffin Delivery Service". A fun little arc, I gave it four stars. What brought it up from 3 to 4 stars was not only was the arc ENTIRELY self motivated, but it was told IN FLASHBACK. Must have been quite a challenge coming up with a way to pull that off. There were two little things that bugged me though.

1. Could you come up with some better names then "The Emerald Parakeet" and "The Mcguffin"? The Emerald Parakeet is just very hard to take seriously, why not "The Emerald Sparrow" or "The Emerald Avian". Just not parakeet.

2. The ending was... a little anticlimactic. You zoop in, stick the parakeet in the box and boom, arc over. How about placing a few "Protective Obelisks" throughout the mission, which would need to be destroyed before the final glowie would spawn. Each of these destroyable objects would spawn an ambush from one of the various represented villain groups at 50% health. That would at least give the conclusion a frantic feel.

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It'd be for the best if you post your feedback in my arc thread here. That way you don't run the risk of your tell getting lost. Otherwise you can send a forum PM.

And Quid Pro Quo does mean "Something for something". If you're going to request a review, only fair that I get some feedback to so we can all improve.

[/ QUOTE ]

*nods* fair enough. Going to play one right now.

You fiend! Holding my review hostage until I play your arc! Very well then Lazarus, I shall play your little game!

Here's your first assignment! *Pushes arc across table while grinning ear to ear*

Name: The Descender
ID: 33034
Morality: Villainous. If your not comfortable with world domination, steer clear.
Length: Very Long, around an hour to two hours, depending on team makeup and build.
Difficulty: Moderate. Plenty of AV's, but plenty of help with them. One of the few arcs that is actually easier solo, due to the difference between AV's and EB's. (And it makes a better story solo)
Groups: Coralax, Arachnos, Circle of Thorns, Custom Group (The Virtea)
Mission 1: Unique cave map. Collection , battle, patrol.
Mission 2: Small Oranbega map. Collection , Boss , defensible object.
Mission 3: Unique cave map. AV's (2 of them) , Ally (3 boss class) , Allied patrol, Battle.
Mission 4: Unique outdoor map. AV's (3 of them) , Ally (Elite boss class) , battles (Just shy of a HUNDRED of them!).
Mission 5: Unique Arachnos map. Collection (times five, each one spawns an AV) , AV's (five of them), Four allies (1 EB class, 3 boss class), Allied Patrols.

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Arc 1472 - Hearts on Fire
Rating: *****

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I'm about halfway through this arc right now, and was taking it pretty seriously. Until the point at which I realized it was in fact about LESBIAN HELLIONS. Hopefully it can take this tired meme and give it some impact.

[/ QUOTE ]You know, I've known the character Salamander for about... what, three years and I only just got that joke. In my defence though I didn't find Salamander's sexuality particularly noteworthy, and more served as a solid indicator of the futility of Epitaph's aims... and he's the idiot, not you.

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I just finished the arc...and it is indeed a real tear-jerker. God, Epitaph is such an IDIOT!. I five starred the arc BTW.

Name: The Descender
ID: 33034
Morality: Villainous. If your not comfortable with world domination, steer clear.
Length: Very Long, around an hour to two hours, depending on team makeup and build.
Difficulty: Moderate. Plenty of AV's, but plenty of help with them. One of the few arcs that is actually easier solo, due to the difference between AV's and EB's. (And it makes a better story solo)
Groups: Coralax, Arachnos, Circle of Thorns, Custom Group (The Virtea)
Mission 1: Unique cave map. Collection , battle, patrol.
Mission 2: Small Oranbega map. Collection , Boss , defensible object.
Mission 3: Unique cave map. AV's (2 of them) , Ally (3 boss class) , Allied patrol, Battle.
Mission 4: Unique outdoor map. AV's (3 of them) , Ally (Elite boss class) , battles (Just shy of a HUNDRED of them!).
Mission 5: Unique Arachnos map. Collection (times five, each one spawns an AV) , AV's (five of them), Four allies (1 EB class, 3 boss class), Allied Patrols.

[ QUOTE ]
Arc 1472 - Hearts on Fire
Rating: *****

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I'm about halfway through this arc right now, and was taking it pretty seriously. Until the point at which I realized it was in fact about LESBIAN HELLIONS. Hopefully it can take this tired meme and give it some impact.

Yeah, but we can't actually HEAR you, thus depriving us of the most direct comparison to Yahtzee.

Anyways, both this thread and yours Venture have gotten kind of sidetracked. Make with the reviews, and slap down any conversations you disapprove of! These are your soapboxes!

Name: The Descender
ID: 33034
Morality: Villainous. If your not comfortable with world domination, steer clear.
Length: Very Long, around an hour to two hours, depending on team makeup and build.
Difficulty: Moderate. Plenty of AV's, but plenty of help with them. One of the few arcs that is actually easier solo, due to the difference between AV's and EB's. (And it makes a better story solo)
Groups: Coralax, Arachnos, Circle of Thorns, Custom Group (The Virtea)
Mission 1: Unique cave map. Collection , battle, patrol.
Mission 2: Small Oranbega map. Collection , Boss , defensible object.
Mission 3: Unique cave map. AV's (2 of them) , Ally (3 boss class) , Allied patrol, Battle.
Mission 4: Unique outdoor map. AV's (3 of them) , Ally (Elite boss class) , battles (Just shy of a HUNDRED of them!).
Mission 5: Unique Arachnos map. Collection (times five, each one spawns an AV) , AV's (five of them), Four allies (1 EB class, 3 boss class), Allied Patrols.

I am FAR more pleased with this arc then I am with "The Final Nemesis". The story is better, the custom groups are better, and the overall tone is far less...silly... It is though, a VILLAINOUS arc through and through. The morally pure need not apply (well they can apply, but just put on your evil hat).

Note: Bold objectives are required for completion.

From a Dark Nova upon seeing me intrude into his lair: Kul'Ruzak: What is this? Did you lose your ball or something? You wll pay for intruding on our plans!

No, my ball is right here, thank you very much.

From the same mish as above. Apparently "Unforgivin 1" is Ms. Liberty, and here is the clue she drops upon defeat.

*ahem*

" It seem Ms. Liberty has bee up to the good things the capes know her for now we has see that she was weak and need to die."

Occasionally I just like to hit "Sort by date", with the most recent dates first, and play the first thing that comes up. This was from the nav bar of one such mission

"Gua Shu Pi, Shi far, unforgivin 1, Evil Raindeer"

...

...what?

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You crazy people with three arcs already.

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Hey, some of us like to slowly mull over stories for long periods of time, some of us have stories spring fully formed from our heads like Athena from the head of Zeus.

Not that they're always GOOD stories...

You know what Venture? Go ahead and take the revised "The Final Nemesis" off your list. I doubt many people want to read a second review of the same arc, I doubt you want to play through an arc you didn't like twice, and in all honesty, I'm really not that proud of it. Its a fun arc if you want to fight some cool AV's, but in terms of story it is WAY to overwrought for its own good. Ill keep it up for now, but when it comes time to start work on arc #4, I'm taking it down.

Besides, I am far more proud of "The Descender", and want to accelerate the process of you reviewing it.

There are quite a few good arcs out there. There are also plenty of bad ones. However, of those bad ones, there are some that are so bad they are hilarious. This thread is dedicated to the Plan 9's of the Mission Architect.

Feel free to post any quotes or plotlines related to these type of arcs here. However.

Do not post the arc ID, the name of the arc, and change any names involved.

This is meant to be humorous. Not mean and petty.

So here are a few gems I picked up from a ninja themed arc I ran earlier today.

After you beat up all the ninja and steal the document. It leads to another clue - These Ninjas are transport some thing to Rouge Isle. Some unusualy artifacts. Well, unless General Miyamoto has some ohter toughts about this ninja get-together, this task of General Miyamoto is done as far as I concern.

So they are taking some...thing to the...****** isles for a...ninja get together?

Why is he always got caught?

Why IS he always got caught?

what are they shipping? This is a direct oder from Lord Drakon, the leader of Path of Honor. What is he up to now?

So apparently Ninjas send messages via scent?

This is a TRAP!!!! General HomoYaMa Trap us here by give us false information!!!!

ITS A TRAP!!!

Path of Honor already start their plan. We just stop one of them. Heaven King need to investigate more into Path of Honor's plan. Friends, I will call you guys again once we figure out what those Ninja is up. Until Then, Good Luck.

Those silly Ninja! Always up to some shenanigans!

With this Circle of Heaven King, you are the life time frined of this samurai clam.

OH MY GOD THEY WERE ALL BIVALVES!!!

Thanks Talen, I always welcome feedback.

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This arc's biggest vice is that Mako speaks nothing like Mako. He's got some good lines, but they're not Mako's lines. They're the kind of line you get from someone writing almost a generic badass. These lines could come well from someone - but not from Mako.

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You got me on this one. I always sort of got the impression that Mako was sort of a macho idiot, but...yeah, his writing could use some tightening up. I like the idea of using Barracuda as the story contact though. Having the missions come via Mako through her would work well. (plus she seems to be an easier character to write for ).

As for grammar and spelling, well that was just me being impatient. It was 9AM and I had been working on this thing since 3AM so I think I was kind of tired of it by that point.

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make the whole arc for a corolax-particular level range

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I really did not want to use the Coralax as it would mean de-leveling players with no real explanation. Still, they were pretty necessary to the plot. I suppose I could create a custom group of "Coralax Purebloods" or something, but I might not be able to squeeze them in due to filesize limitation.

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and clean up the Virtean designs

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I'm glad you liked the designs of the bosses especially, seeing as how they are direct copies of my brute . As for the Horns/Wings issue, the only species of Virtea that have wings are the Mantas, and since they are modeled after, well, Manta Rays it seemed appropriate. As for the horns...well they just looked cool... but there quite a few sea creatures that sport horns or spines.

So yes, revisions are due for this arc. Thank you once again for your input.

Okay, just finished up my second arc, and I can say with confidence that this one is FAR better then "The Final Nemesis"

The Descender
Arc ID:33034
Length:Very Long
Morality: Villainous
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains collection, Patrol, Battle, Defeat all.
Mission 2: Small size map, level range 5-54. Contains collection.
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 25-31. Contains Boss, Patrol, Ally, Battle.
Mission 4:Unique map, level range 25-31. contains Boss, Ally, Battle (a whopping 89 battles at that)
Mission 5: Unique map, level range 45-54. Contains boss, Collection, Ally.
Enemy Groups: Circle of Thorns, Custom Group, Arachnos, Coralax.
Description: Deep beneath the sea, a race more ancient than the dinosaurs has lurked for eons. Now, enslave this race, and use its power to rule both land and sea!

Thanks for agreeing to take a second look at my arc BTW. I aim to please.

Figure I might post mine as well

Name: The Final Nemesis
Arc ID: 14826
Length: Very long.
Morality: Neutral
Mission 1: Medium size map, level range 41-54. Contains Boss, Collection, Patrol, Battle.
Mission 2: Large size map, level range 30-54. Contains ambush, Collection, Patrol.
Mission 3: Large size map, level range 41-54. Contains 8 Av's
Mission 4: Unique map, level range 30-54. Contains AV, ambush.
Enemy groups: Nemesis, Soldiers of Rularuu
Description: What is the Shadow Shard's true purpose? Where is Rularuu himself? And what is Nemesis's final master plan?

If you already played this arc then I would definetley give it a second look, since I just made some big changes based on the plot holes that were pointed out to me. I tell ya, getting one starred is one hell of a motivator.

Alright, I made adjustments to "The Final Nemesis" based on your criticisms Venture, mostly dealing with plugging up the plot holes. I did not however, change the difficulty of the AV's since all of them are SUPPOSED to be very hard (in fact it reccomends that you should run this arc with a team right there in the arc description). I know you have a lot on your plate, but hopefully you would be kind enough to take a second look.

Once again, that is arc ID: 14826

Yeah, on retrospect I realize that I do have a lot of plot holes in that one. Its a bummer that you ended up taking out Nemesis in the third mission before chularn. What I had was all the aspects set on "spawn at front" and nemesis was "spawn at back". This was in response to an earlier version of the arc, where I used that big hazy Ruludak map, and had each boss spawn only after the next one was defeated. This however, resulted in a lot of annoying backtracking to hunt down the next aspect, so I had them all spawn at once. Unfortunately, due to the non-linear nature of the mission, this meant that Nemesis could be killed before the rest of the aspects had been defeated. Perhaps since I switched to a linear map I should go back to having all the bosses spawn one at a time now.

Also, that "defeat all enemies blurb" was a complete lie. That actually is the blurb for "defeat nemesis", but since I didnt want to give it away, I just put something in that I assumed most players would end up doing anyway.

As for the fact that you were immune to the effects of dimensional merging...yeah...I kind of just...handwaved that...Maybe in a revision of the arc I could throw some applied Phlebotinum to help explain things, but that really only covers up the plot hole rather then fixing it.

In short, if you liked "The Eternal Nemesis" and enjoy a challenge, then I think you will like "The Final Nemesis". If you don't, then well, you won't.

Edit: Still, I am going to make changes to this arc. You can expect to see such things as both rularuu and nemesis being your enemies during the first mish, another extra mish in the middle to help clear up the "Not affected by dimensional catastrophes" plot hole, and the removal of the hunky dory everything is back to normal ending.

Name: The Final Nemesis
Arc ID: 14826
Length: Very long.
Morality: Neutral
Mission 1: Medium size map, level range 41-54. Contains Boss, Collection, Patrol, Battle.
Mission 2: Large size map, level range 30-54. Contains ambush, Collection, Patrol.
Mission 3: Large size map, level range 41-54. Contains 8 Av's
Mission 4: Unique map, level range 30-54. Contains AV, ambush.
Enemy groups: Nemesis, Soldiers of Rularuu
Description: What is the Shadow Shard's true purpose? Where is Rularuu himself? And what is Nemesis's final master plan?

For this arc I decided to go for a truly epic feel. Nemesis is such a fun character to write for and Rularuu is such an interesting one that I decided to combine the two. Also of note is that this arc will be quite hard solo. The third mission contains no less then eight AV's all in close proximity (but not so close that you cant safely pull them apart), and the final mission contains....well...I'll just let you see for yourself.

I am going to keep posting about this arc until you all love it.

Name: The Final Nemesis
Arc ID: 14826
Length: Very long.
Morality: Neutral
Mission 1: Medium size map, level range 41-54. Contains Boss, Collection, Patrol, Battle.
Mission 2: Large size map, level range 30-54. Contains ambush, Collection, Patrol.
Mission 3: Large size map, level range 41-54. Contains 8 Av's
Mission 4: Unique map, level range 30-54. Contains AV, ambush.
Enemy groups: Nemesis, Soldiers of Rularuu
Description: What is the Shadow Shard's true purpose? Where is Rularuu himself? And what is Nemesis's final master plan?

For this arc I decided to go for a truly epic feel. Nemesis is such a fun character to write for and Rularuu is such an interesting one that I decided to combine the two. Also of note is that this arc will be quite hard solo. The third mission contains no less then eight AV's all in close proximity (but not so close that you cant safely pull them apart), and the final mission contains....well...I'll just let you see for yourself.

AE System
--------
Welcome to Architect Entertainment -- Neutral
Death for Dollars! -- Neutral
Bare Knuckles of Rage (9304)
*

Character/Supergroup Origins
--------
Birth of a Fossil -- Heroic
*

Classic Super-Hero/Super-Villain
--------
*

Comedy
--------
The Extadine Lab -- Heroic
The Great Chicken Caper of '09 -- Heroic
MacGuffin Delivery Service (1567) -- Villainous
ParaCon -- Heroic
The new and improved Lord Recluse Strike Force -- Villainous (though I wouldn't recommend against a hero )
The Fire Bunnies - Neutral, They are only bunnies after all...
You Say It's Your Birthday! (3630) - Neutral
*

Comedy/Drama
--------
A Super Team is Born -- Heroic
Attack of the Space Clowns (18749) -- Neutral
Cause of How Some Silly Stealed My Wings #1481 -- Neutral
Lawyers of Ghastly Horror -- Heroic
How to Survive a Robot Uprising -- Heroic
Dr. Duplicate's Dastardly Dare -- Neutral
It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding (9059) -- Neutral
TURG FICTION: Ghost in the Machine, Act I - Heroic (althoughs romantic villains could try this too )
Rum Runners of Bloody Bay (3691) - Heroic
*

Crime/Gangs
--------
The Bravuran Jobs -- Villainous (16809)
*

Drama
--------
*

Global Domination
--------
Axis and Allies -- Villainous (10597)
*

Heist
--------
Celebrity Kidnapping -- Villainous (20161)
*

Historical (Realistic)
--------
*

Historical (CoH Lore)
--------
The War on Superadine - The Regulators in their 1980's drug war (Heroic) (Arc 7959)
*

Holiday
--------
*

Horror
--------
Dark Dreams -- Heroic (18914)
The Amulet of J'gara (1709) -- Heroic
Project: Perilous - Into the Chthonian Pit (#3586) - Neutral (Unless you happen to be a mad cultist, in which case, go nuts!)
Small Fears -- Heroic
*

Large-Scale Crisis
--------
A Hero's Halo -- Heroic
This Is War, Part I - the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz -- Neutral
Win the Past, Own the Future - Heroic
*

Magic
--------
The Magical Miss Fitz (5079) -- Heroic
Chains of Blood (5492) -- Heroic
*

Military
--------
Redoubt Operations #1: Fires over Kalago -- Heroic

Red Storm Rising Arc 4912 Heroic
*
Misc. Adventure
--------
The Portal Bandits (3326) -- Heroic
*

Mystery
--------
Blowback (18575) -- Heroic
Dream Paper -- Heroic (13030)
Dream Paper 2: Restless Sleep -- Heroic (16797)
Dream Paper 3: Broken Dreams -- Heroic (13064)
*

Mythology
--------
Anactoria's Descent Into the Underworld -- Villainous
The War of Fate: Betrayal (19698) -- Neutral
The Seelie War -- Heroic
The Unseelie War -- Villainous
Tales of Cimerora, volume 1 : Of feathers and fur -- Heroic
*

Nemesis Plots
--------
Brass Reaver: Part 1 -- Neutral
*

Player-Chosen Outcome
--------
Hunting the Dark Dragon -- Heroic
*

Sci-Fi
--------
Adventures of the Space Marines -- Neutral
Adventures of the Space Marines 2 -- Neutral
Netrunner -- Heroic (14434)
Above Mars - Part 1: The Wellington -- Neutral
The Final Nemesis
*

Un-themed Survival/AV/Time Challenges
--------
The Meatgrinder -- Neutral
*

---------

Name: The Final Nemesis
Arc ID: 14826
Length: Very long.
Morality: Neutral
Mission 1: Medium size map, level range 41-54. Contains Boss, Collection, Patrol, Battle.
Mission 2: Large size map, level range 30-54. Contains ambush, Collection, Patrol.
Mission 3: Large size map, level range 41-54. Contains 8 Av's
Mission 4: Unique map, level range 30-54. Contains AV, ambush.
Enemy groups: Nemesis, Soldiers of Rularuu
Description: What is the Shadow Shard's true purpose? Where is Rularuu himself? And what is Nemesis's final master plan?

For this arc I decided to go for a truly epic feel. Nemesis is such a fun character to write for and Rularuu is such an interesting one that I decided to combine the two. Also of note is that this arc will be quite hard solo. The third mission contains no less then eight AV's all in close proximity (but not so close that you cant safely pull them apart), and the final mission contains....well...I'll just let you see for yourself.

Edit: oops, forgot to critique someones.