LiquidX

Dear Paragon Studios Devs, and forum moderators,

Having been a long time fan of the City of Heroes and Villains community, I have seen the game through the best of times, the Doooooooom! of times, and the "eh" of times (When ones indifference elicit neither Woots of joy nor cries of Dooooom). However, as of Monday, April 5th, 2010, I have reached the lowest point in my life on these forums, a mixture of rage, doom, and emo-ness burning deep in my Liquid belly. You see, one of my favorite things about our fair community was the cake.

Every year, on our Birthdays, that delicious little cake icon would appear next to our names for that one magical day (Which would sometimes be promptly eaten by Miss Kitty). And so it goes that each year I would sit in anticipation for that single day, when that yummy cake with it's delicious cakey goodness would appear next to my name. And thus on monday, I waited in giddy anticipation. I realized it had not yet appeared as of 4am that morning. But I figured that it was okay, maybe it was simply that cruel mistress that is the Time Zones. Surely, my cake would appear, as it had every year before? And so I waited. And waited. And waited. It was then I came to one horrible realization, one that pecked away at the fragile workings of my mind like a Deep Crow feeding on the festering manifestations of the dark spawn of Cthulu. I realized... that the promise of cake was a LIE. Not only that, but they could not even be bothered to send me a "happy birthday" letter that every other forum does.

After finally awakening from my Hastings Fruit Pie induced coma (Along with the twelve 24 packs of Mountain Dew Code Red, a crate of Slim Jims, and the musical stylings of Hirano Aya singing Cha-La-Head-Cha-La), I have come to the decision that this slap in the face to such a loyal player (Who, it should be noted, spends 15 dollars a month, and thus makes me better then everyone else) cannot stand. As such, I will now present my demands that I expect you, the staff and Moderators of Paragon Studios to meet, in order to make ammends for this grevious insult. My demands are as follows:

1: The return of the Cake icon, to be displayed next to the name of every player on their rightfull birthdays as dictated by the current calendar.

2: An e-mail, wishing a happy birthday to said player on their birthday, as a show of goodwill to it's playerbase.

3: The addition of the Birthday costume pack, which will include (But not be limited too) a conical birthday party hat, a Birthday sash, and a Birthday suit (Which shall include an optional version that will be composed of special fibers that only those of superior intelligence will be able to see), as well as a /Confetti and /Noisemaker emotes.

4: Written and Verbal appologies from Melissa "War Witch" Bianco, Matt "Positron" Miller, NCSoft CEO T.J. Kim, and Rob Liefeld. Also, the Grandmothers (Or mothers, or appropriate female relatives) of each must also bake a tray of fresh baked cookies (Cupcakes, Brownies, or other confectionaries of equal or greater value shall also be accepted) as way of appologies for their relatives behaviors.

5: FIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLDEEEEEEEN RIIIIIIIINGS!

6: 95 More Golden rings, so I can get that 1-Up.

7: March 10th to be declared as "National Pantsless Day", in which all characters in-game shall be displayed without Pants.

8: The addition of Carp Melee, a long awaited feature (And the fact that it has not yet been added is a fact of criminal proportions), as well as Pistol Scrappers and the ability to dual wield Dominators.

9: A signed copy of the book Real Life. Why are you guys looking at me like that for? It's for my mother. Seriously. ...STOP JUDGING ME!

10: One Pohsyb action figure, complete with Box playset.

Now, I hope that my resonable, well thought out demands for reperations will be fulfilled by our Dev's. Otherwise, this will simply be one more slap in the face in a long line of slaps in the faces, to rival even the slappiest slap in the face that they have ever slapped us in the face with.

I shall be awaiting your response.

Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X

Dude, I can't believe how overpowered Smoke Grenade is! Quick, lets all abuse it for powerleveling before the Dev's figure it out!

Hey, did you guys hear about how the Dev's are supposidly adding Capes into the game? About damn time, I'll tell you what.

You know, I am still convinced that the best thing the Dev's could do is add a 5th Column Mekman hitting on a Clockwork Sprocket in Pocket D.

Personally, I'm not gonna be happy until we get that "City of Guys who just really like wearing tights" expansion that Statesman promised us years ago.