Ironik

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Wow... all I did was do up a pic guys...

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Man, Juggy just raised the bar. Looks like I gotta step in and pick up one of Gill's commissions too...

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Say, did I mention I have 117 commissions in GB's queue?

It starts off well -- that first paragraph is really good. It reads a lot like an excellent bio one might see in the game. But then it gets weird.

Honestly, I got a bit lost as to what was going on in the middle. Sentences like this, "Making her escape she fled for her life, and in her egress she was became pursued by ninjas of a things," don't help that.

The mention of Icon at the very beginning threw me, as well. It wasn't until I read your comment at the bottom that I understood what that was about.

You know what this reminds me of, is the "Try to account for everything that's happened over the last 43 years" superhero summaries one reads about classic Marvel or DC characters. Fitting in every single story by each author who brought something new to the character becomes quite a challenge and is something that I don't find terribly rewarding.

My biggest piece of advice is to simplify everything here. Take out as much as you can without losing the underlying thread.

Please, might I have one of Razor Raccoon, my diminutive claws scrapper?

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Creative criticism is part of my job IRL. I know how to take it, I take it all the time.

You tore me apart.

That said, you were right, even if you were totally horrible to me about it. I'm working on a revision but I'm leveling a couple of characters to 50 real quick first.

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Hm, sitting here in the bleachers, I didn't see EmperorSteele's criticism as being overly harsh. He certainly didn't sugarcoat it and could use to round off the rough edges a bit, but I wouldn't characterize his critique as tearing you apart.

Having just re-read it, his comments are purely about the video and not about you at all. I know it's difficult to separate the two as an artist, but he wasn't saying that you were lacking.

Although Steele could've been nicer about it. /em back-of-the-head-smack to EmperorSteele

I'm pro most things canine, so curly tail up!

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Oooops they dit it again !!!

You can add the new Vertical Studio movie to this post. Aral and Coffy did a really great job on that one (in my opinion at least) but you'll decide by yourself...

HQ on Coxigrue.fr (91 Mo)
Youtube Streaming version

Hope you'll like it as much as I did...

Edit : I'm being told the audio part is altered in the youtube version, so consider the HQ link as the preferred DL.

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Holy fraps, another winnah.

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Wow. I think Aral has really mastered demoing, I wish I had the patience to create something that good .

edit: Just got a bad download. I tried again and this one works fine.

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Oh, that ol' Aral came out of the box with a master degree in CoX demoediting. I haven't even seen this one yet and I know it'll be awesome. It's a good thing he's European or he'd walk away with the Matrix.

Dude, I can't favorite everything you do, so stop making with the awesome.

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... not being all that gung-ho about the iconic characters and even wondering if that was GW because of the different costume...

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Actually, the version you see wasn't the original. This is what my first pass looked like, with the more classic costumes;

MIDNIGHT HOUR - Early rough version (classic Ghost Widow)

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Wow, that one I *really* like. Might be the simplicity of it or something, I don't know.

I hope I didn't give the impression that I didn't like the final version. I was just commenting on BaB's skin tone seeming to be a bit lighter than the in-game model.

Happy d of the b, A-man.

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It's a great piece, but is there a reason you decided to lower BaB's melanin count and bleach his hair?

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Not particularly. Does he look too light skinned? Is the lighting making him seem pale? It looks fine to me.

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I thought the same thing -- he looks tan rather than black. Maybe it's a monitor thing.

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i'm going to hold out a few more nims for someone who hasn't yet gotten a sketch, before i do a second round for you guys who already received one. then it'll be first post first... well.. when i have time



but while i'm waiting here is Wonder Lad

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Say, that's my guy! Cool beans! Thanks!

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** S M O K E B O M B **


Seraphimel



/e exit stage left.

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oh wow, how the heck do you do these so fast? I can't even draw a stick figure that quick *sigh*

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I'm beginning to think there are three of T_T. At least.

I wondered what happened last night. This morning I was surprised by the server downtime message, until I realized tomorrow is a holiday.

But here's Mighty Lad, if you're so inclined.

Also Mighty Lad.

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These sketches are the ultimate example of why gesture drawing is important to artists. Beautiful and dynamic, all of them.

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If Torroes is broken, you should really break him. Make him morose, perhaps a drunk to dull the pain. Maybe someone needs him and his special skills, but he turns them down. "I can't do that, not since -. Find someone else."

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Hmm, that point actually a direct conflict with Torroes' character. he's always forced himself to be pro-active, even to the point of being self-destructive. So, he wouldn't shy away from a fight or operation of any sort. Quit the opposite, he would practically volunteer.
Actually, opinion question: How would you read those kind of actions? Always heading into the fiercest fights, the hardest missions, taking on the strongest of the enemy availible at the time. How would that read in terms of being broken ?

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That works, too. Depressed to the point of taking nearly suicidal risks. Although you have to kind of steer clear of comparisons to Riggs from Lethal Weapon, since that was his MO, too.

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BTW: How many quote of quote responses do you think we can get in this topic, Ironik?

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Eleventy billion.

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That looks shopped.

LOL good pix man do one on the dark/dark scrapper.

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He didn't do it, Celtic Bolt did. CB is awesome.

What Michelle said.

Please post it again, since I didn't get to see it.

Also, I think you have a good visual sense already. You've put in some shots that are non-standard, which is good. I'd encourage you to do that more.

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Thanks for the praise, it's always welcome. But couple questions. More points of clearification for myself really.

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The paragraph you have in your OP lays out an interesting premise

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in my what?

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OP = Original Post. When referring to a person, it means Original Poster.

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I'm not crazy about the Project Psi story, to be honest. It reads like an imitation of River Tam from Firefly.

[/ QUOTE ] no idea what you're talking about here. I mean, I know you're comparing the Project Psi back story to something from Firefly (outside of knowing that Firefly is a TV show I know nothing about it). But beyond that, I got nothing.

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You might want to rectify that. There are a lot of Firefly/Serenity fans here, and Joss Whedon fans in general. Even if you've accidentally stumbled onto the same story, getting compared to one of the best writers working in Hollywood today is going to make anyone look pale by comparison.

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But if you can tell that story, one about people being forced to compromise their morals for the greater good, while making it cool, you'll have achieved something ineffably cool.

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Maybe I will need to elaborate some, but that's exactly what has already happened story wise. Fergusson has compromised his values when he allowed Longbow to use a child in their expiraments. Torroes was then forced to kill the child. Hence the "Monster of your creation" line from Torroes.
The key point in the Project Psi wasn't the project, or the team. It was the fact that Longbow used a child as a weapon of sorts. I'm not actually sure how to put this into the comic, outside of just stating (which sounds rather bland to me), but the fact that Torroes was forced to kill a child literally broke him. he doesn't hate Longbow, or even Fergusson. He loaths himself for what Fergusson's mistake forced him to do. If you've got a thought on how to display that a comic, without just straight up stating it (and with in the limits of what the Game Engin will render) please drop me a line.

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If Torroes is broken, you should really break him. Make him morose, perhaps a drunk to dull the pain. Maybe someone needs him and his special skills, but he turns them down. "I can't do that, not since -. Find someone else."


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The paragraph you have in your OP lays out an interesting premise. What you need to do is find a cool and compelling way to present that story. Show bitter enemies fighting. Then show a threat to both of them. Then have them reluctantly team up. Then have one betray the other. (Given your premise, make it the hero, but you must give him a reason other than "I'm a hero.") Have that betrayal endanger the world. Then solve that problem without resorting to a deus ex machina.

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1) I want to avoid the entire moniker of 'hero' and 'villian'. I know, it's kinda nit-picky thing but I hate using those titles. They automatically paint one as good and one as bad. So if ya don't mind, can you use like character names or generalites or something, Like persan A and Person B maybe?
2) as for the Hero betrayal and all that, hehehe well lets just say that's already in the story. I just haven't made enough of the comic to display it.

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One thing that I've always found helpful is to lay everything out in an outline beforehand. It helps focus you, so you can get to the point.

Probably you already know this, but there's a good piece of advice variously attributed to any number of famous authors: "Kill your darlings."

Meaning, don't fall in love with your own verbiage or your characters. Avoid being precious with them. When you find yourself in love with a particular passage, cut it out. If your story can't stand without it, then cut it down to the bare minimum. As much as we like our own characters, no one else is going to read 60 pages of dialogue. Get to the point, being as economical as possible.

The lovely and woefully misunderstood Ditzkrieg could use some fashion help. She's got the goods, since she's built like a brick slaughterhouse, but she might be slightly colorblind.

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ooo would love to see Niviene done.

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I'd actually like to see Niviene done too!


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:: bites tongue ::

Very cool, J-man.

Yeah, your waffle pills.

Nope. It's waffles. Blueberry waffles.