Greetings, fellow Guardians.
I almost never post on the forums, but this is obviously a special (and tragic) occasion that demands a few words.
Although now and then I've had to be absent for a few months, I've played exclusively Guardian, and almost exclusively blueside, since first coming to the game in late 2006. I have a bad case of altitis, and it's taken me a while to find the perfect power sets for me, so none of my toons is as well known as Sleepy, Neph, Ariel, and the many other heavy hitters. Further, I have three accounts (I often triple-box my farm), which paradoxically adds to my anonymity. Nevertheless, if you've hung around Guardian for a while, you've probably teamed with me, especially if you're into i-trials.
I'm a reclusive sort, beset by depression and social anxiety, and the MMO community--specifically,
this community on Guardian--has been a wonderfully liberating way to come out of my shell a bit. For that I thank you.
I have also grown very attached to my toons--they are sort of my friends and sort of my alter-egos, all of them very like me in some ways. All female, all Goth(ic), all loners, but all basically good-hearted (or at least viewing themselves that way). One thing they are not is merely code in a computer.
In a few months all of this will cease to exist. The community will be disbanded. The characters that are parts of me will cease to exist except in screenshots and memories. Herman Wouk put it best in
The Caine Mutiny, as Willie Keith turns his ship from Okinawa towards home, where he will be mustered out of the navy and the USS
Caine, which he commands, will be decommissioned and broken up; the very wheelhouse in which he stands will cease to exist. Writes Wouk, "It was a little death toward which he was steaming."
Already it has started. The developers are gone. I suspect that the announcement has swayed a good many players to go ahead and move on now, without waiting for November. Certainly VIP accounts will no longer be renewed. Even if NCSoft were to change its mind this instant, the community we had yesterday morning can never be restored. If nothing else, how could we trust NCSoft to not pull the rug out from under us again? The whole atmosphere would be different.
And the atmosphere will be different for all of us who choose to remain. My long-range goals--t4 hybrid in multiple flavors for Gypsy Witch, turning Lady of Situations into a badge s l u t, saving up for that one last set of purples that will complete Goth Witch's build, exploring the world of corruptors and perhaps even PVP--there's no time now, or even motivation. What we have for the next three months is like a different game, even if the community remains the same. That means we (or at any rate I) will be playing differently, more reflectively.
I have learned things from this game--about group dynamics, friendship, community--and things about myself. Even in the ending of the game I find I'm learning things, maybe some of the most important things. It's a reminder that tomorrow is not guaranteed, and that even if it comes, it may be a very different sort of existence than the one you expect. It's a reminder that you can't control circumstances but only, perhaps, your reaction to them. It provides a meditation that while large, impersonal corporate and financial forces may in fact give us opportunities that would be impossible without them--such as forming bonds in real-time with dozens or scores of people on several states, countries, and continents--those forces can also destroy what they create, and that they can not be trusted to do what is right. They are at best a two-edged sword. Compare that to a defender or a blaster who's really getting sleepy but who can't just leave his team in the lurch halfway through the task force and keeps playing so as not to mess up his teammates' experience--keeps playing for that 48 to claw his way to 49 or earn that hard-to-get badge. I have teamed with those people innumerable times, and I have been privileged to be that person more than once.
These are not lessons that you get from a mere game. Something far deeper has been at work here. Because you all have been a part of it, you have my sincere and profound thanks.
I don't know what the future holds for me, in-game or out. I haven't yet decided how to spend my final weeks in Paragon City, or even how much time I will spend there--whether I should try to fit in every hour I can or begin to wean myself from the game, on my own schedule and my own terms, before it is abruptly cut off at a time of corporate choosing. This has been such a great community that I cannot now imagine or consider giving myself to another MMO, in the knowledge that someday it too may go the way of CoH, even in the unlikely event that another community would be as good as this one. Perhaps I shall; but that decision is for another day.
Meanwhile, please know that I wish each and every one of you the best. Should you see me on line and wish me to accompany you on your remaining adventures, It would be my honor and privilege to serve on your teams and your leagues.
Fair winds and following seas to you all. No goodbyes . . . just good memories.
Affectionately,
Dandy Belle [global], aka
Wolfmaiden [global], aka
Ember Maiden [global]
Lady of Situations, 50 +3 Fire/Mental Blaster
Goth Witch, 50 +3 Fire/Mental Blaster
Gypsy Witch, 50 +3 Fire/Mental Blaster
Flamin' Amy, 50 +3 Fire/Fire Blaster
Battle Muffin, 50 +3 Fire/Fire Blaster
Midnight Angel, 50 +3 Fire/Fire Blaster
Swan Blackbird, 50 Emp/Dark Defender
Warmuffin, 50 Regen/Dark Scrapper
And my first real toon, though rarely played now:
Dandybelle, 50 Emp/Dark Defender
. . .and a host of lowbie alts
I doubt you remember me at all, not many people do or will. I do remember teaming with you sometimes. Good times